A listener writes in and asks, "Matthew, What are the benefits of online mediation vs in-person now that we're in 2024 post-covid and why should I choose virtual?" Matthew Brickman answers your most frequently asked questions about divorce as he goes over several key points:
Assume nothing.
Know who you are before you get married.
Know who you're getting married to.
Know the laws and statutes in the state you live in.
Don't take advice from anyone who isn't a legal professional in the state in which you're getting married and living in.
Matthew Brickman is a Florida Supreme Court certified family and appellate mediator who has worked in the 15th and 19th Judicial Circuit Courts since 2009 and 2006 respectively. But what makes him qualified to speak on the subject of conflict resolution is his own personal experience with divorce.
Download Matthew's book on iTunes for FREE: You're Not the Only One - The Agony of Divorce: The Joy of Peaceful Resolution
Matthew Brickman President iMediate Inc. Mediator 20836CFA iMediateInc.com
ABOUT MATTHEW BRICKMAN: Matthew Brickman is a Supreme Court of Florida certified county civil family mediator who has worked in the 15th and 19th Judicial Circuit Courts since 2009 and 2006 respectively. He is also an appellate certified mediator who mediates a variety of small claims, civil, and family cases. Mr. Brickman recently graduated both the Harvard Business School Negotiation Mastery Program and the Negotiation Master Class at Harvard Law School.
A listener writes in and asks, "Matthew, What are the benefits of online mediation vs in-person now that we're in 2024 post-covid and why should I choose virtual?" Matthew Brickman answers your most frequently asked questions about divorce as he goes over several key points:
Assume nothing.
Know who you are before you get married.
Know who you're getting married to.
Know the laws and statutes in the state you live in.
Don't take advice from anyone who isn't a legal professional in the state in which you're getting married and living in.
Matthew Brickman is a Florida Supreme Court certified family and appellate mediator who has worked in the 15th and 19th Judicial Circuit Courts since 2009 and 2006 respectively. But what makes him qualified to speak on the subject of conflict resolution is his own personal experience with divorce.
Download Matthew's book on iTunes for FREE: You're Not the Only One - The Agony of Divorce: The Joy of Peaceful Resolution
Matthew Brickman President iMediate Inc. Mediator 20836CFA iMediateInc.com
ABOUT MATTHEW BRICKMAN: Matthew Brickman is a Supreme Court of Florida certified county civil family mediator who has worked in the 15th and 19th Judicial Circuit Courts since 2009 and 2006 respectively. He is also an appellate certified mediator who mediates a variety of small claims, civil, and family cases. Mr. Brickman recently graduated both the Harvard Business School Negotiation Mastery Program and the Negotiation Master Class at Harvard Law School.
Mediate This! Podcast:
Hi, my name is Sydney Mitchell. Hi, I'm Matthew Brickman, Florida Supreme court mediator. Welcome to the Mediate This! Podcast where we discuss everything mediation and conflict resolution.
Matthew Brickman:
Hi, and welcome to this week's episode of Mediate This . I had a listener write in and ask me, Matthew, what are the benefits of online mediation versus in-person mediation now that we're in 2024, 4 years post covid ? And why should I choose virtual? Well, to answer that question, lemme just start out with a little history that in 2009, yes, long before covid, that happened in 2020, in 2009, I had the idea of going virtual and had Cisco communications build me an online virtual platform, which is the same platform that I currently use today. So a lot of people have , have asked me, Matthew, why don't you use Zoom? Like, get with the program. Why do you have to be the odd guy out? And I simply tell 'em, well, because I was here first. I've been here since 2009, conducting virtual mediations. Um , I did a great advertising video many, many years ago , um, that , uh, was advertising virtual mediation back in 2009. And I spent years advertising and trying to educate people and the benefits of online mediation versus in-person mediation. So to first answer the last question, why should I choose virtual? Well, if you're coming to me to have your mediation done, that is the only type that you are getting, which is virtual. I am no longer conducting in-person mediations for all of the reasons that I'm about to give you. So if you want mediation with me, it's gonna be virtual. So what are the benefits of virtual versus , uh, in person ? Well, the first benefit is it is faster than to do virtual than it is to do in person , um, in person . Um, a lot of people mistaken that in person , Hey, we're all in person together. And that is rarely the case either because the attorneys do not want to be in the same room, or even the parties do not want to be in the same room. So while it might be in person, we're not in person, you know, for example, the mother, the father, the husband or the wife may never see each other. Um, whereas , um, doing virtual, it's much faster because if it's in person , I may have to go between either rooms or I might even have to go between floors. Yes, I have been in law firms where I have to wait for an elevator , um, to go up and down between an office and a conference room. And of course, that takes a while. And while I'm standing there waiting for an elevator or walking room to room, you as the clients are paying everybody by the minute. Um, and so it's a huge time waster . Um, online, I'm simply pushing a button and I am going between the rooms. And so that keeps your cost down. Also, there's travel time. Uh , and so , um, I know many mediators they do travel , uh, or charge for travel time. Um, and so, you know, by doing it online, you will save costs on travel time. Also, when it comes to reviewing the documents. So say that we have negotiated and created a document in person , you will never see the document as it's being created until at the very end. And then once you finally see it, then you've gotta read through everything that we may have been negotiating for 3, 4, 5, 6 hours long. And then sometimes the attorneys want to have their own input into , uh, an agreements , maybe some particular language. And so then both of the attorneys were going back and forth. If we're in separate rooms, we're going back and forth between separate rooms trying to add this attorney's language and that attorney's language, and maybe they don't like that language. And so we could spend , um, I've actually had it anywhere between two to three hours after we have finally created an agreement just editing the document. That is a huge time waster and also very expensive to you the client. So online , uh, we screen share . You get to watch and review and see the document in real time as it is being created. So once we're done, we're simply uploading for signatures because everybody's already looked at it, reviewed it. Um, sometimes if the attorneys want to add their own particular language, what I do is I will take the attorneys into a private room, turn on my screen and let them talk about whatever legal jargon or legalese they want put into the agreement. And then we do it all at once , uh, which is a huge time saver , um, online mediation versus in-person mediation. Other things that are benefit is, let's say for example, that we are in separate rooms. And so I may go into the room with the husband. Well , the wife can do laundry. She can, you know, sometimes I've had it where they couldn't get a babysitter so they can still take care of the children. Um, maybe she needs to get a snack, maybe she needs to just walk around pace, go outside , um, whatever she may need to do. And she can do that while I'm with the husband when I come into her room. Great. Now, the husband can go do laundry if he has the kids do whatever, check emails or whatnot. So you can multitask your life. Doesn't have to stop sitting in a sterile law firm staring at a wall , um, while you're waiting. Um , 20 minutes, 30 minutes, maybe even 45 minutes or an hour for me to come back and tell you what the other side said. Also , another benefit, and I hear this a lot from clients and attorneys, is if we are all in person , then what happens is if I go into another room and you're sitting there with your attorney, well, your attorney is charging you to sit there and chit chat and shoot the breeze and talk to them while we're in mediation. Whereas , um, a lot of attorneys that I have talked to, what they will do is say for example, we're online and we go, I go into another virtual room, they will take you off the clock, turn off their mic, and turn off their camera, and they will multitask. And now they will work on somebody else's case. So you are not paying for the full time of mediation. You're paying for just when I'm with you and your attorney. That saves a lot of money and for attorneys, they can multitask multi bill , and it's just a whole lot more productive. Um , also, what if you are traveling for your job? Or what if you live out of state and you don't have the money to come back to the particular state to deal with mediation? And I had that , uh, between 2009 and 2020. There were many a times where I was called to come and mediate because I had a virtual system, because one of the parties did not have the resources to come in person to mediation. But the judge had had ordered for them to come to mediation to resolve it, and it had lingered for so long. This was the best way to deal with it. Now, we do that all the time. I have done military divorces where somebody may be stationed overseas and on a military base. I did one for a yacht captain who was on a boat in the Mediterranean. Um, I've done it for people that are traveling, maybe they've even been on vacation, and they can just carve out a few hours while they're on vacation to deal with their modification, paternity action, divorce, whatever it may be. Um , and so , uh, life does not have to stop so that you have to then come in person , sit down in a law firm to then try to negotiate. Now, there are other times where let's say for example, there are no contact orders or there's been domestic violence or abuse. Well, what's great is you're in the safety, comfort, and convenience of your home , uh, or your office or wherever you may be. And you do not have to worry about being in the same geographic location as the abuser. Um, and sometimes there's a no contact order from the court. And sometimes the no contact order say, okay, you can have contact for mediation, but otherwise, no. But even in that setting, a lot of times people do not want to interact, see, or be in the same virtual room, and they don't even have to be in the same , uh, geographic vicinity. They can be anywhere they want. And so that also is a benefit. Um, so as you can see, there are lots and lots of benefits to , uh, cost saving , time saving . Um, also it can move your case along so it's not just lingering. Um, you can reach a resolution , um, much, much sooner and faster doing , uh, virtual versus in person . Now, one of the final things that I will say about , uh, in-person versus virtual, and a lot of people complain that , um, you can't see, you know, body language. You can't see , uh, what's going on in the room. There's a lot of things that you know, you can't see. Whereas, you know , uh, in person, you get all of that. And that , uh, I believe is a special skillset from , um, the person who's looking and watching , um, whether they're really paying attention. You can tell a lot from where a person is looking with their eyes, whether they're looking at somebody else particularly or , or possibly in the room , um, or if they're looking at you , uh, you know, with the camera, if they're not having eye contact with the camera, you can tell if they're sitting forward, sitting back. Um , there's a lot of different things that you can still see with virtual. I have heard , uh, one person, actually it was a judge that actually said that she absolutely, it has been a game changer for her as a judge doing hearings virtual, because if you think of the setting in a courtroom, you have the judge then in front of the judge on the side, you've got then the witness, and then in front of the judge. Then you do have the attorney that's facing the judge asking the questions of the witness. And then you have all the , uh, people in the peanut gallery. Well, what the judge never got to see when it was an in-person hearing, they never got to see the facial expressions, the eyes, the, the body language demeanor of the witness. They just get to see the back of them, and they don't get to see the front. Uh, this one particular judge told me that it has been a game changer for her because virtual she now gets to see. And she was telling me about one hearing that she had where she could tell who was lying. Um, and that was a game changer. That has never been available for in person . So even whether it's a trial or mediation, there are many benefits. Uh, I believe many more benefits. Now, one of the final benefits that I want to talk about is settlement. Um , I've had a lot of people say, oh yeah, nothing settles online. I've even had judges order that people go to mediation because they believe that people will settle in person more rather than online. Um, I have been doing my own tracking of whether or not it is more or less successful. And I can tell you that more people have settled their cases since the pandemic and since , uh, going primarily virtual than they did prior. I did an analysis for the past four years, which is post court covid and did four years prior , uh, pre covid , uh, to see how many mediations I did, how many settled , uh, how many impasse , how many were continued , uh, or adjourned. And I can tell you that in my , uh, experience and the mediations that I had, there were more people settling virtual than people settling in person . And I think a lot of it had to do, again, going back to the comfort, safety, and convenience of their own geographic location. Um, and so they were more at ease. They were more at peace, they had more mental clarity because their emotions were not heightened and interfering with their ability to , uh, hear logic reason , uh, take legal advice from their attorney because they were not in , um, fight or flight mode or in preservation mode. And so they were able to be empowered and create agreements that they could live with. And that, to me, as a mediator, being that that is my first and foremost most important job, which is to empower people to make their own decisions. I have seen, I have the statistics to show that more people felt at ease and were comfortable doing virtual mediation rather than in-person mediation , um, for , uh, for that reason. So if you would like to schedule your mediation with me , I look forward to helping you and your mediation online very soon. Occasionally Sydney and I will be releasing Q&A bonus episodes where we'll answer your questions and give you a personal shoutout.
Sydney Mitchell:
If you have a comment or question regarding anything that we discuss, email us at info@ichatmediation.com that's info@ichatmediation.com and stay tuned to hear your shout out and have your question answered here on the show.
Matthew Brickman:
For more information about my services or to schedule your mediation with me, either in person or using my iChatMediation Virtual Platform built by Cisco Communications. Visit me online at www.iMediateInc.com. Call me at 561-262-9121, Toll-Free at 877-822-1479 or email me at MBrickman@iChatMediation.com.
