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Do Something Today To Be Better For Tomorrow
Applications are Open for the Strong Men Of Value Academy
Intake starts July 1.
If you need help setting goals & creating a vision. Start with the Self-Discovery program
10% Discount = TMTCP
Buy Now
Breathe Better, Sleep Better - Recover Rite
Trouble sleeping? Recover Rite's mouth tape and nose strips improve your sleep by optimising your breathing. Perfect for anyone seeking a restful night.
My Online Course For High Performing Men:
💻 💻 Self Discovery Program: https://www.themanthatcanproject.com/selfdiscoverycourse
Join us in the Strong Men of Value Academy
https://www.themanthatcanproject.com
Follow Lachlan:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lachlanstuart/
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@lachlanstuart91
Website: https://themanthatcanproject.com/
Newsletter: https://lachlan-stuart-tmtcp.ck.page/profile
Do Something Today To Be Better For Tomorrow
Welcome back to the man that Can Project podcast. My name is Lachlan Stewart. In today's episode, Anthony Nowd is joining us for round number two. Last year his episode blew up. He had so many valuable insights and perspectives on life and this episode is absolutely no different. Anthony Nowd, welcome back on the show. Pleasure to be here, Thank you. A big focus for a lot of men is our career, its status and recognition. For a lot of men, that's how we maybe feel validated or give our life meaning.
Speaker 2:I view them all almost equally because I want to achieve all of those goals right. So career, health, relationship, children as far as I don't say this is necessarily more important than that right. I say this is what I want to achieve across the board in those areas. What do I need to be doing in order to achieve them? How do I then structure that into my life? And is that realistic? I don't know whether it's true or not, but I choose to believe it.
Speaker 1:Like for me, I believe my hardest days and my worst days are behind me Do you think for people who are going through a chapter closing, and it doesn't need to even be entering your 40s. It could be finishing school, moving town, retiring from a school, changing jobs, yeah changing jobs, all of that sort of stuff.
Speaker 1:Do you believe the most important step to be able to move on is acceptance that that time is now done. So let's dive into today's episode with Anthony Noud. We have a familiar face back on the show today. Today's episode with Anthony Naud. We have a familiar face back on the show today. It was an epic episode we did last year, episode 505. Anthony Naud welcome back on the show.
Speaker 2:Pleasure to have you mate. A pleasure to be here, Thank you.
Speaker 1:Mate, I got to admit that beard is one of the most stylish things I've seen. I think you should definitely keep it.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I appreciate it. So from someone who runs a very professional one, I'll take that as a massive compliment.
Speaker 1:I think I lose about 10 years in age when I shave mine off.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right, well, I'm entering the stage where that's a good thing, mate.
Speaker 1:Yeah, true, how have you been going? Anyway, since we've last caught up, I've seen you've obviously been very busy. A lot of stuff's been happening in your life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, mate, really well. Yeah, busy, as always by design. I've recently become engaged to my partner at my long-term partner.
Speaker 1:Congratulations, man.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Yes, it's pretty cool pretty cool.
Speaker 1:Finally, how'd the proposal go down?
Speaker 2:uh, we did it on. Well, I did it on hamilton island. We went for a bit of a family holiday. Um, it's interesting, I had the ring for a bit of time prior, like maybe three or four months prior, and I was kind of waiting for the right time and I live a little bit intuitively so I wouldn't. I wanted to kind of feel right and I took it with us there and we had some family and I think it was important for us or for me that the kids were involved. So it just felt right, man. So we did it there. It was great.
Speaker 2:Surprised her at dinner Completely surprised her at dinner. It took her two minutes to realize what was happening. It was amazing.
Speaker 1:And what were the emotions you were experiencing in that, in that moment, for you, for me, uh the in the afternoon of, we went, like um, to there's.
Speaker 2:There's a restaurant there and there's like a, I guess, a vantage point where people take photos and there's a beautiful sunset view or whatever, um, and so we went for like afternoon drinks prior to and she obviously had no idea and we were having the Sunsense drinks and we were she obviously obviously none the wiser to her, but she was just like talking about you know how we, what we're going to do when we get back from holidays.
Speaker 2:And you know, it was really touching because she was like this is how I want to support you, you know, and this is how I want to support our vision and where we're headed. And it was just like I was just sitting there going like yes, like this is why I want to marry this woman, you know, because you're sitting there just speaking my language. And so how did I feel? I was like I just felt really certain and it felt really right in the moment when it came to it. I mean, I didn't really have concern about her saying no, but I, um, I just wanted to make sure it was special, you know, and I wanted to make sure that I I had brought intention to it and said what I wanted to say, um, so that there was kind of definitely nerves around that Um did you manage to get get all the words out?
Speaker 2:Well, it's interesting because the way I played it was I kind of had a conversation with her at dinner, like when we had our entrees, and just said I said, hey, look, I just want to share, you know, just had like a bit of a DNM basically. And then I said, oh, I'm just going to go to the bathroom and I'd organize with the manager to come make sure they filmed it and took photos and whatever. So I kind of gave her the nod and then came back and did it, and so I think that went really well because it gave me the space to kind of say everything without having to like be on one knee.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, it worked well. There's a cheat code there.
Speaker 1:Dude, I wish I had that tip, because I myself and I know a lot of people that I know have had these ideas of what we want to say in the moment that you drop to the knee, it doesn't happen. Yeah, so that that is the best cheat code that I wish. I maybe I'll do it for like my, if I get remarried in Vegas to Amy from Elvis, I'll be like Elvis. Give me a minute give me five minutes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, beautiful but, mate, I love your content, like you're one of the few people on social media that has a very unique way of educating me through their own experience. And that's what I look for, because I love people who are doing doing things that I aspire to do in. You know, keep what I look for because I love people who are doing things that I aspire to do, and keep what I would consider a well-balanced life. I know work-life balance and balance isn't really a thing. There's always stuff happening underneath. But from the outside, looking in and like you stay fit and healthy. You've got a successful business, beautiful family life and hobbies and for me it's like I gravitate towards that and you've got a really unique way of talking about that on social media and I feel like myself personally and a lot of people that I know and men in my life can relate to a lot of the stuff that you talk to. I just hope that they take time to read it.
Speaker 1:And I did have an idea of what I wanted to talk to you about because I was like, man, we can really coach with some cool stuff. And then I had a bit more of a scroll on your stuff on your socials last night and there were three posts that jumped out to me and they were recent, uh, but I was like dude, this is a unique perspective, something that I wouldn't have had the opportunity to talk to someone in these phases of their life yet, and I think it's going to be awesome for me to learn. So I'm very curious, but I feel like people will get a lot of value from it as well. And the first post was one and I'll paraphrase it around reverse engineering what you believe you need to do, have, be and achieve in order to reach the deathbed without regret. And when I was reading that, I love the idea of reverse engineering. I think it's very smart. It's almost like how do we get to where we want to get to, why is that important to you and what is your process for doing that?
Speaker 2:Mate, great question. I love your conversation. I've got to say so. The goal for me and I guess the goal for us as a business and a brand is ultimately the goal is to be smiling when I die, right, so that's the overarching goal for my life. I want to be smiling when I die, right, so that's the overarching goal for my life. I want to be smiling when I die, and so that means, you know, if I you know, hopefully, fingers crossed get the opportunity to be, you know, consciously aware that I'm on my deathbed, I want to be able to be lying there full of gratitude, full of joy, you know loved ones around me being like, oh my God, I gave it everything I had and I've been done, have experienced, you know, everything I wanted, you know, ideally, and so that's the goal.
Speaker 2:And I think for so many of us, we live life with a goal in, you know, the now or in the short term. You know I want to get a house, or have a business, or earn money or have kids or whatever. And it's a little bit haphazard and I've lived my life that way and felt like there were still parts that were missing or parts that were empty, or felt like, you know, I probably could have done better here or there. And as I've aged, I've realized oh man, like this, in my twenties and thirties I felt like I could just live forever. And this there's, there's an abundance of time, and now I realize there's not, you know.
Speaker 2:And so, to answer your question, this is one thing we do with a lot of our clients that come through is go, okay, like, what would that look like? What do you need to have, be do experience in order to be able to say I'll be smiling when I die? And so what's the process for that? I think first and foremost is getting curious and getting clear on how I want to feel, right. So what are the emotions attached to that? And invariably, most people will say something like I want to feel loved and love and have, you know, loved ones around me, and I want to be able to say that I've built wealth and had good health and had good experiences. And most people say a version of that and I say, okay, that's fantastic. What does that actually fucking mean?
Speaker 1:Right Took my next question.
Speaker 2:Exactly Right, like what does that actually mean and what would you need to be or do or have in order to achieve that? And again, most people say, oh well, you know I'd like to give the kids a house and have a healthy relationship, and you know, have traveled and experience and I go nice one, but you're still not actually telling me anything Like as a coach, I can't help you hit that target Right, like we. It's kind of like getting in the car and we're going to drive to Sydney and I'll just take random turns and see how we go. Chances of getting there are pretty low, right, and so that's where we'll really drill down and go okay, so specifically. And so when you ask about process, like specifically, what would you need to have Specifically, what would you need to have done Specifically, what would you have liked to achieve?
Speaker 2:And when you say love, what does that actually mean to you, right? How do you experience love? What does that actually mean to you, right? How do you experience love? And what would need to be happening or have happened in order for you to say my children are around and I feel love? And that's where people start to get you know kind of clear and they get a good picture of what that means to them. You're going to say something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was going to say I love that you're diving into the specifics of things with people because it's also encouraging people to probably really think about what that looks like for themselves for the very first time. I believe a lot of us either don't think about it one because we aren't aware of it, or it's just too overwhelming. Like I have to go deep here. I have to actually start peeling back the layers around who I am and what that could look like and that may make me emotional.
Speaker 2:Anxious.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or a range of emotions.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:Yet we want what's on the other side of that. We want what's on the other side of the clarity that, as you've said, with that process, what does that specifically look like? What does that bring? And it is different to your point for every individual.
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, absolutely. And the thing is man also what what not doing that does, and what we see a lot of, particularly in high performers, is they say I want to be a good parent and I want to be a good business person and I want to have a healthy relationship. And if I'm an a-type, naturally high performer, it's like there's that constant striving and not really knowing if I'm achieving that goal Right. So to give you an example from my own life, I was like for me it's been really important. I've really doubled down on wanting to be a connected father, you know, and a good parent and raising emotionally, you know, intelligent children and loving open, you know intelligent children and loving open, like you know, kind of handing down as little dysfunction as I can, right, and so the good enough….
Speaker 1:Sorry, can we talk about that handing down as little dysfunction as possible? What do you mean by that?
Speaker 2:so what I mean by that man is I think for the most part, this might be controversial, but I think for the most part, parents get in the way of children right, like, and to paraphrase someone else's kind of concept, wife gets pregnant nine months. You know, we grow a heart, we grow a brain, we grow organs, everything we need for life. It like happens almost perfectly every time the thing pops out and then all of a sudden, I need to make this thing happen. Yeah, it's happened. For nine months. On its own life, the universe, whatever you want to call it, created this perfect being and it pops out and it's like now I need to be in control of where this thing goes. And it's like it's already all there the kids there, the inherent, you know, goodness, kindness, love is already inside of it. We'll get in the way by saying you should do this.
Speaker 2:You shouldn't do that. You need to be scared of this. You have to do blah, blah, blah and that's where a lot of I believe you know dysfunctions will begin to show up. Right, and so I'm not saying I just let my kids run free, but it's like for us, some of the big things is telling them that their emotions are actually really valid and really safe, you know, and normal, you know. So, you know. So, like, oh, I'm shy.
Speaker 2:We went to a school open day this week and ax out my boy said you know, oh, but daddy, I'll be shy, it's all, it's all high school kids and he's in prep and part of me will go. Oh, no, mate would want to go. You know the typical thing no, mate, you'll be fine, it's cool, let's go, suck it up. You know, not handing down dysfunction to me would be going. Man, of course you're shy. Makes would be going. Man, of course you're shy. Makes sense. Go ahead and feel that, of course you're nervous. And what are we doing? We're nervous and he's been saying it since he's two. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Okay, fantastic.
Speaker 2:So now he knows it's perfectly normal for me to feel a level of anxiety. I don't have to fix it, I don't have to suppress it, I don't have to push it down. Because if, if I'm demonstrated in my environment as a child that, oh, we're not allowed to feel anxious, we're not allowed to feel shy, and not even not allowed that it's just frowned upon, the kid's gonna think something wrong with them, and so that's when I'll start drinking, when I'm 16, to avoid that social anxiety. It's like it's not fucking social anxiety, it's perfectly normal. If you didn't have a phobic response to it in your nervous system, it wouldn't be a thing. Does that make?
Speaker 1:sense. Yeah, dude, thanks for diving into that. It makes a lot of sense. It's almost like that helicopter parenting to a degree, but rather than protecting. You're sort of instilling with tools and allowing them to actually embrace the human experience.
Speaker 2:Exactly, exactly. I mean, embrace and optimize their human experience is what I'm about. But I think going back to what we were talking about is like that good enough line as a parent for me is something I really struggled with, like Axis 5, now 80s, 2, and I was like, oh, am I being a good enough dad? I'm putting all this time into you know, like you said, wearing all the hats, the business myself, the relationship, and it was like it felt like I could never reach this place of where I'm like okay, now I'm satisfied as a dad. And so the reverse engineering of the goal was what do I want to have an experience there with my children, and that's a it's a lag measure, right, like if they are on my deathbed, I want to feel loved and connection and you know, like we've got a great bond and all of that, but I'm not going to know whether I've achieved that until I've got it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so what's the lead measure? What do I need to be doing now? And that's where the reverse engineering comes in. What do I need to be doing now? And what's a really simple? We call them standards or MIA, so like massive intentional action. What are the standards, or massive intentional actions that I need to take and then do the sets and reps around like on a daily basis in order to achieve that. And so for me, with that example, I a deal I've kind of made with myself is I just want to have one magic moment with each child every day. All right, and here you go.
Speaker 1:I was going to say would you be open to giving an example of what a magic moment could be 100%?
Speaker 2:So this morning Eve went to a yoga class. The kids were up and we were cuddling in bed, tickling, playing, carrying her by their feet, you know, getting to go have breakfast.
Speaker 2:Like you know, just like a moment of joy and connection and love. I guess it could be and this is the cool thing it could be you know Edie running to me when I open the door when I get home and we have a big cuddle and she tells me about you know how someone pushed her over at daycare today or whatever. Um, so it could be a 32nd thing, yeah, or it could be. We go take active seed monster trucks and take half a day you know doing cool dad son activity, whatever.
Speaker 2:Um, the point is is that if I'm focused, if I focus on that I believe you know doing that repeatedly, that's something I have carriage over today and if I do that day in and day out, that uncertainty, that perhaps overwhelming anxiety that am I being a good enough dad starts to go away because I'm doing what I said I'd do and I'm living by my standard way. Because I'm doing what I said I do and I'm living by my standard and now, to the best of my ability, I go shit. If I do those things, I'm probably gonna get the 80 20 of what I want on the death bed oh, dude, that is such a powerful thing to be able to take control over, like literally thinking.
Speaker 1:This is the experience that I want to have on my deathbed. This is the action that I believe will deliver this. Therefore, I will do that action and if I get new feedback along the way that maybe it needs to change, I'll adopt that, but for the moment, that's the thing.
Speaker 2:I've got to review it Absolutely. So I've got to check in on that and I know you do this with your guys too whether weekly, monthly, quarterly, depending at what level, I've definitely got to check in on that and see am I doing it? And if so, do we need to then expand on it or do more, or is that good? And the cool thing is is that the action and this is what I find so many people miss is the action is today. It's not like in six weeks or in five years that I'm going to own five properties. It's like, well you might, it depends on what you do today, like what am I doing today that's leading there?
Speaker 1:It definitely helps you avoid waking up in that moment. It's one of the biggest fears I had years ago was waking up with a family not being in a financial position to support them or to have the opportunity to have a little bit of ownership over how I spend my time, and that's why I started that 10 years ago and still today building for where I want to be. 10 years down the track, you've given the example there on the deathbed around love, for example, and family. A big focus for a lot of men is our career, its status and recognition. For a lot of men, that's how we maybe feel validated or give our life meaning, and it does. There's nothing wrong with that For yourself personally, personally, where does career fit in? Where does health fit in when you're working backwards?
Speaker 2:I mean it's, it's literally the same process. It's like what do I want to have and achieved and and done there? Um, for me, career like I view them all almost equally because I want to achieve all of those goals, right? So, career, health, relationship, children as far as I don't say this is necessarily more important than that, right, I say this is what I want to achieve across the board in those areas. What do I need to be doing in order to achieve them? How do I then structure that into my life? And is that realistic, right? Because to me, success isn't, you know, heaps of money but my kids don't want to see me. You know it's also not. My kids love me but I can't provide for them. Yeah, it's also not where we have the money and the love, but daddy's got heart disease and 40 kilos overweight and can't play football you know like not a thing.
Speaker 2:So. So I value I almost value them all equally and it's the same thing. I have the outcomes that I want to have there and then reverse engineer to what needs to be happening today in order to be the guy that achieves that. You know, saying I use. One of my only unique sayings is do the things that the person who has the things does. Right, um, everything, pretty much everything else I got from someone else, but that's why I believe I came up with myself that I do the things that the person who has the things does, and it's, it's, it's kind of that simple If I do the things that the person who has achieved what I want does or and or did to get there. Like that's it.
Speaker 2:So I have, you know, career goals, work goals, purpose goals, whatever you want to call them. You know we've recently just moved in here to our new office space. You know the business is kind of humming here. We're looking at expanding and doing the next thing, and so it's like, okay, what do I need to do today in order to achieve that goal in however long that's set for? Same with my health, you know. I'm going through a shift there at the moment. I've recently turned 40 and I know, I know it's something you may want to talk about, but it's like I've realized oh, I'm not going to live forever and, you know, trying to deadlift as much as possible probably isn't going to align to the goal that I will have long term, and and so I have to adjust. You know, I have to optimize for the goal.
Speaker 1:How do you feel about that optimization process Sorry, the adjustment process, because you're almost and we'll just move into that post because it does flow well, but, as you mentioned in your post, it's like a chapter closing right. Yeah, and change is daunting for people. Closing right and change is daunting for people. Acceptance of what maybe where we are in life can be uncomfortable as well. So how are you sort of navigating that from the emotional standpoint? Uh, the change in routines and outputs I mean, I think it is.
Speaker 2:I'm someone who's very structured and I'm very routine based and I like that and I thrive on that, and I need a bit of chaos as well. But generally speaking, I like a bit of structure and the change piece. I feel like it's a bit of a process right like the awareness comes. So for me, you know, turning 40, I had seen a lot of clients do that previously and they um, I see a lot of people have fear around it. You know, particularly back when we used to be in health and fitness, it was like people would be nearing 40 and they'd just be going hard to get in great shape.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's the issue they should turn in for and yeah and so.
Speaker 2:And in the lead up I was so, like in my mid-30s I was like oh no, I'm going to be 40. Oh no, I'm going to be 40. And I guess what's helped is it wasn't as scary as I thought it was going to be. In fact, it's actually been pretty cool. However, I can't hang on to the me that I was at 30.
Speaker 2:Because if I'm hanging on to the me that I was at 30 and what he got to do and what he wanted to do, like it's just not that realistic, to be honest.
Speaker 2:You know, like I just can't do what I used to do. Like if I you know you talk about health and fitness like if I go do a massive balls to the wall, you know, deadlift or squat session, I used to be sore for a few days, but I get up and go to work. I used to be sore for a few days, but I get up and go to work and now, at 40, it's like, oh man, I really feel the effects of that for three, four, five days afterwards and I noticed that in my work and my performance. It's like, do I want to pay that price now? If I'm unwilling to let go of that, then there's a consequence. But now if I, you know, accept what is, so acceptance is probably a big piece. Like man, you're not going to be 30 anymore and doing this is going to stop you from being the guy on your deathbed. So you've got to deal with that 100% that acceptance dude.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I fear it because life has been so great and I think an area that I need to improve on and maybe it's something you could share a bit more is like once you have that acceptance piece, you can then shift to what's to come. And if you use the fitness point, people are either trying to get in shape by 40 so they can enjoy years, or people have given up because the best years are behind us and part of me believes the best is yet to come. But it is also scary having to think that, man, I'm not going to be able to do the 200 kilo deadlifts or some of the crazy stuff that I used to do, because my body, just it's going to take too much away from my future if I do do that yeah, it's interesting point, man.
Speaker 2:I had this conversation with someone recently who, uh, actually been through quite a nasty divorce and you know it was in a new dating situation and had all this fear around, oh, like, you know what's going to happen and where's it going to go, and and and this and that. And I said to her something that I look I don't know whether it's true or not, but I choose to believe it Like, for me, I believe my hardest days and my worst days are behind me, right, and so I believe I've already had my hardest and worst days. And so if I actually believe that, it's like instantly, I have a brighter perspective of the future, right, and I know life is still going to life me, it lights all of us. There's going to be pain, right. I don't know there's going to be. You know there's gonna be pain, right, I don't know there's gonna be. You know there's gonna be really unpleasant stuff coming down the chute, but I I'm more equipped to deal with any of that than I've ever been.
Speaker 2:And so, with that outlook, it's like, actually, my, like you said, my best days are yet to come. If my worst days are behind me, then my best days are yet to come and I need to again change and adapt to to be. It's so important to come from the deathbed perspective because it makes it so much easier, because I'm not hanging on to the past, now I'm going. If I want to be this guy that achieves this, things need to start to change, and if I deeply accept that, it's like, well, no, I can't train the way I used to train, you know, and I and I have to make adjustments in different areas of my life and that's optimizing to get me here, and so far, in doing that, I've only felt better about myself and about my life.
Speaker 1:Sick, that is so good.
Speaker 2:So I'm not waiting until then, either it's not like I'll be happy, then I'm not waiting until then, either it's not like I'll be happy, then it's like, actually no, I get the enjoyment and the fulfillment and the satisfaction from doing the sets and reps in the day and in the week. And it's not perfect and, yes, it is hard at times and, yes, you have those days where you're questioning oh my God, am I doing the right thing? Holy shit, what the heck? You know like that all happens. That's legit right. And for the most part it's not like that, because if it was, for the most part, I'd be doing the wrong stuff.
Speaker 1:And do you think for people who are going through, I guess, a chapter closing and it doesn't need to even be entering your 40s it could be finishing school, moving town, retiring from?
Speaker 2:a school. Changing jobs, yeah. Changing jobs yeah.
Speaker 1:All of that sort of stuff. Do you think, or sorry, do you believe the most important step to be able to move on is acceptance that that time is now done, or is there something else?
Speaker 2:that's Absolutely yeah. So I think the best way I can describe it, man, it's like feeling into what is is the best way I can describe it, man. It's like feeling into what is is the best way I can describe it. And, and so that like what is is that this door is closing or closed and, like you said, it might be a job, it might be a relationship, it might be a health circumstance, whatever the milestone is. And so if I feel into what is, it's like, oh, if I'm hanging onto that or clinging onto that, that feels unpleasant, you know, and it's often stressful and I describe it as kind of feels like I'm swimming upstream.
Speaker 2:But if I'm feeling into what is like where's life guiding me, where's the flow here? If I was going with the current that life wanted for me, what would that feel like? And what would that be like? And and, and there's a softening and an acceptance into that. It's like, oh, okay, you don't want me doing massive deadlift sessions anymore as the example, or you don't want me sitting here, you know, ruminating on this past relationship and why she left me Right, like it's. It's pretty clear what you want from me is to, to, to move forward. And so it's like if I feel into that and open into that, life will start. So we talk about getting into alignment. Life will start to present the next right things and they'll show up.
Speaker 1:I really like that thinking backwards. So it's almost for people as well who maybe aren't looking at the deathbed, but I believe in looking at that deathbed. But if you were just think out, you know, you may be an 18 year old, so your concept of time I remember when I was 18, to think 10 years down the track was mind-blowing. Right, that's half my life, over half my old people old people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're 25, you're yeah but you start maybe looking at a three-year vision, for example, something that is manageable but allows you to start introducing and building. I would call it a skill set of long-term thinking, like where do you see yourself being and most people, once again, might get a trade at that age, if I'm using the 18-year-old example or go to university or start their career. Using the 18-year-old example, or go to university or start their career and their goal generally in that time is just I need to set myself up. And then obviously, we go through seasons of life and then there's the family phase, entering your 40s and retirement and all of that sort of stuff, right? So the long-term thinking is a skill that we can develop and as we get older and we understand that 10 years goes pretty bloody quick and, as you're saying now, it's like even for me in my 20s and 30s, you think we've got time, we've got it all, but it's gone very quickly. So if I were to think to my deathbed, what were those experiences to say?
Speaker 1:And one thing that I'm really focused on at the moment, anthony, is a bucket list, and I know people talk about it all the time, but it's what really motivates me and where the power comes into that for me is it does make me focus on those key areas. It's not just about money. Yes, you need money to be able to experience a couple of them, but I also need good health Some of them. I need my family, you know, I want my family there for it. So it's making me think big picture, and then I start filling in the pieces backwards and go okay, this is.
Speaker 1:You know, as you mentioned, we focus on quarterly goals, but this quarter I want to focus on that because it's going to help me move closer to achieving this goal in 2026. So we've always got those milestones of purpose that we're growing into a better version of ourself and with that does come change and does come closing of certain chapters. I'm not the guy who's going out to and I'm sure you're not either hitting the nightclubs anymore, and I didn't really have a closing of chapter. I was fucking glad to get out of that. I got a door slammed in my face. Yeah, I was done. I was fucking glad to get out of that, but for some people that-.
Speaker 2:I got a door slammed in my face.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was done. It was done and that's just part of that process and it's never going to be the same for anyone.
Speaker 2:Totally, totally.
Speaker 1:With the individual who is coming up to something that's, I guess, a milestone in their life. That is daunting and I guess when I say daunting I want to look at it as one the closing of a chapter. But secondly, maybe a new level of responsibility within their life. Responsibility within their life. So, for example, a bloke having his first child, a couple getting their first mortgage. How or sorry, not even how. Would it be the same process of acceptance and navigating that as it would be entering your 40s, because I know a lot of blokes don't like to change their lifestyle when they have their first kid and it's something that's probably important to do 100, yeah, um, so really good question.
Speaker 2:I think that you said something like a milestone or a life change or a chapter that feels daunting, or that, you know, appears to be daunting, or seems to be daunting. What I would kind of ask there in that instance, and like we could go from micro like I have a big meeting at work this friday about my promotion, you know, like through to like you're saying I'm going to have my first child, um, or anything else in between. The question I would ask is like what is it that's daunting about it? You know, and they would invariably tell you oh well, it could happen this way, this happened, I'm gonna lose my time, or whatever.
Speaker 2:You know, whatever the story is, my buddies yeah, and then what you know, and and so okay, kind of, and so what does that mean? What? What's what's actually going to happen? And if we dig the layers deep enough again, what's going to happen is that they're going to have a feeling that they're unwilling to have.
Speaker 2:I'm going to have an emotional experience that I'm unwilling to have. So I might get rejected. If I ask for a promotion, as an example, yeah, okay, cool. And what does that mean? You're going to feel unpleasant for a little bit, okay, cool. So if, like in my example with Axe earlier, and the shyness or the anxiety, like if I'm willing to have that emotion and I don't have to fix it or avoid it or change it or deny it or suppress it, you know, and I realize that's part of the price I need to pay to do or be what I want to have, like technically, like you still have to do it, but technically it's not a thing now, right, like it's, you're still going to have to have it, you still have to feel it.
Speaker 2:But I think the thing is for most people, when they go to do something new or they're, you know, do something daunting or entering a new chapter or something, a lot of people and I speak from personal experience here I used to think and feel and believe I had to. It had to feel, right, you know, and I had to feel comfortable and I had to feel confident. I had to be certain that I was going to nail it. And and what I've learned, particularly from working with really high achievers, is that just do the thing.
Speaker 2:I can sit around here worrying about it, thinking about it, analyzing, assessing, trying to get to a point where I'm going to feel really comfortable and confident. And the truth is, if I'm doing something outside of my comfort zone, it should feel uncomfortable. If I'm doing something new, it should feel daunting, right. If I'm doing something scary, it should be scary because by definition, it's fucking scary, right? So if I accept that fear as part of the price to do the thing, it's just. This is what I have to do now, and that's training myself to you know, like what we would call be I'm fuck with the ball, like I think I've spoken with you about before do you feel, just quickly before we segue on to that third post, that I'd love to talk about planning?
Speaker 1:yes, analysis by paralysis is how some people view it. You know getting ready to get ready is over planning. Do you believe in if you set a goal you just get going, or do you believe there is some benefit of planning that should go into achieving outcomes?
Speaker 2:So, being the person that's done both and previously, I used to just get going really great way to go the long way. Really great way to go down the wrong path. Really great way to maybe get it right first time really high chance you won't. And I literally burnt years doing that and I felt busy and I felt productive, but I wasn't achieving what I wanted, and so, to answer your question, I think planning is crucial, truly life changing, if you don't know how to do it how would you do?
Speaker 1:do you set a time limit around, for example? One thing that I've done, just so I don't fall in the trap of feeling productive yeah, over planning is I'm like, all right, depending on the size of the project or the goal, I will give myself X amount of time to plan and then I've got to start taking some micro actions to actually move the needle. Do you do anything like that, or is it just? Plan until you feel comfortable.
Speaker 2:No. So I think I mean it depends on the project and the size and the scale of the project and what's it cost. But generally speaking, mate, we I want to, I want to understand where I'm trying to go. So what's the outcome? And then big picture, what needs to happen to get there, and depends if this is a 12 month thing we're talking bullet points, yeah, like it's not. I'm not going to write 10 pages on all of that, you know.
Speaker 2:But we, when we work with clients, we look at, we use the theory of constraints, so the, the example I give for that is kind of like if I had a hose and the, the water is just dribbling at the end and I want to have a really powerful, strong stream of water, it's like. And then I look back and there's five or six kinks in the hose. It's like which is the first one that I need to deal with? Right, which is the first one that I need to unkink? And that's where we would go, okay.
Speaker 2:So what's the first action that's going to make this? So what's the? You know the book, the one king thing, like I think it's gary keller, you know the one thing, yeah, and so it's like what's the one thing that's going to make the biggest difference here, and that's what I need to get started on. And if I know the one thing and so this is how I measure and what we would teach If I know what the one thing is, but I'm telling myself that I need to plan, or I need to do this, or I need to analyze, I'm full of shit and I'm avoiding the one thing, right, and so it's like just go do the one thing first and then you can do the next version of the planning.
Speaker 1:Solid. I love that. Thanks for sharing that. Dude Cool man. One of the final chapters, the final post I wanted to touch on and I'd love to, I guess, go back and forth with this one my happiness is directly correlated to my family's happiness. Can you elaborate on that? And then I'll shoot him with some questions along the way.
Speaker 2:So I think the best way I can explain that man and I think it's important like I lived prior to having a family, I lived my life through, if I'm honest, quite a self-centered lens. Yeah, I mean I should still consider other people, but it's all about me and what I want to achieve and what I want to get out of this and you know my health and my goals and my future and blah, blah, blah. And that was fine when I had a family. Obviously that changed, which is great. But one thing I didn't realize was a massive benefit of having a family and children. One thing I didn't realize was I remember this moment um, back at the old office where where we had our first conversation and Eve was, uh, I don't know, eve had taken Axe at the time, we just had Axe and he was young. She'd taken him down the coast. It was like a Wednesday. You know we were talking before about setting goals and you know like most people would prefer to be down the coast than at work right and enjoying a day by the beach. You know, and you've heard that many blokes talk about oh, you know, the missus is at home doing this and that, and I'm here working and slaving away for the family and having that self-centered lens in the past and being about me and my life and what I want to achieve.
Speaker 2:I remember sitting there and I opened Instagram and it was, like you know, mid-morning I opened Instagram and I looked and Eve was there at the beach with my son and it was like wednesday mid-morning. They're having a ball and I just remember experiencing so much joy, just being like how good is this? Like I wasn't jealous, I wasn't like I wish I could be there, I wasn't like I want to be at the coast too. How does she get to do that? It was just like how good is it as a man to feel like, you know, I'm contributing and part of them being able to go and have that great experience?
Speaker 2:And so when you say my happiness is linked to their happiness, it's like when I see them happy and having great experiences and Eve's a great mom, so particularly raising our children in a way that is loving and feels loving, it really fills my cup and for me, that's something I didn't didn't, if I'm honest, didn't really know existed, and so the byproduct of that is you know, and one thing I want to touch on is a lot of guys, and particularly in australia, we've got that kind of catchphrase you know, happy wife, happy life. And I call bullshit right like I do not like that saying, because the way most people interpret that is oh you know, happy wife, happy life. The missus complaining just give her what she wants. You know, just give her, just shut her up. Yes, darling, yes, darling. No, yes, darling, yes, darling.
Speaker 2:And in my experience and a lot of the couples that we work with, what that actually is is a woman who's, you know, not feeling seen, not feeling valued, not feeling heard, not feeling led, you know, not feeling necessarily safe by a man and he's just like, oh yeah, whatever, whatever, and he's just kind of ejecting from the conversation or the relationship rather than coming in and and and being a true man and true leader for his family. So when I'm doing that and they are happy as a result, man, it fills my cup in a way that I didn't know existed, to be honest.
Speaker 1:Thanks for sharing that. One of the things that second point is it always comes back to allowing yourself to understand these emotions, to be able to lean into them and not run away from it, like money doesn't. Money provides opportunity. But if you try to solve your problems with money and avoid doing the internal work because often our outer world is a reflection of our inner world so the dads who are saying, oh, happy wife, happy life, I'll just shut up with this they're missing the point, as you said.
Speaker 1:And when I read your post initially, before it sunk in, what came through for me is I'm like, okay, well, yep, most men are thinking like that, but there's also resentment underneath and bitterness and I guess even tying it into. So, recapping a bit of the conversation so far, if you think about the deathbed or even just some long-term thinking, and you've thought, okay, the things that I want and specifically want maybe love, it may be health, it may be a connection, for example, and these are the things that I believe are going to lead me to that you then enable to do that and one thing that, as I said at the beginning of this conversation, that makes you stand out for me personally is you're able to provide on so many levels. Emotionally, you know you have those magic moments with your kids every day.
Speaker 1:physically, you know, obviously I've seen you tossing a lot of tin around the gym, but that probably is gone now when I come back to Oz. You still manage to give time for yourself and your health as well, which is probably and I could be off the mark. I would say this is a generalization, but I think because you do invest in yourself and fill your own cup up seeing your wife and kids at the beach. That's why there's no resentment behind it, because it's not like you're missing out.
Speaker 2:Exactly, you got it.
Speaker 1:You got it 100%.
Speaker 2:So in our family we talk about like what do you need? What do you need to, you know, have my own need. What do you need to, you know, have my own. What do I need to have my own trust and respect and what do I need to feel, you know, safe and happy in this relationship. And, and it's the same for eve, what does she need? And so you to your point if I'm working too much and I'm not training and I'm not getting time to myself, you know, and I'm just doing too much, I'll absolutely be resentful you know it's not it's not a, it's not necessarily a bad thing.
Speaker 2:There's always a reason. If I'm resentful, I'm angry. There's always a reason, there's a cause. Yeah, and same with eve. If she's over functioning, doing too much and I'm not, you know, helping and supporting and leading the family, she, she should be resentful, right, and so it's like having the conversations around that and getting clear around what do I need to feel like my cup's full and I'm going to be the guy that I trust and respect now and in the future is when I'm living my best life. She's doing the same. The family unit, then you know, and the kids get to see that demonstrated and, mate, we don't get it perfect, like we really don't, but if, if we're, if we're conscious of it and working toward it, it's pretty powerful, it's pretty special.
Speaker 1:To the point of perfect. I don't think anyone ever gets it perfect. I think the idea of perfect is such a bullshit thing because, even tying it back into the planning part, you could spend and invest time and money, having helped people help you plan something out, and the moment that you do something, that plan's now out the door because hey, something didn't work and something has now changed. And that's why I think, when you're thinking about the deathbed and even tying it into regret, no one can be certain that you're not going to be on that deathbed and not have some regrets, right exactly they're coming back to I know you said this earlier is you're doing what you believe at this point? And you also said you will be reflecting?
Speaker 1:You do it, obviously, and as your family grows and develops, you know, because you're not just yourself growing and developing. You've got two children and a soon-to-be wife that are also all doing that, so you're constantly. The family unit is going to be changing times. Four, which means what that deathbed experience looks like will probably change between now and when you're 60 yeah, it'll probably change next year Next week.
Speaker 1:Well, parts of it will.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because there's seasons in life too. I didn't know that turning 40 would have me have this shift in my health and fitness kind of goals. I kind of had an idea, but I didn't know that the shift would happen when it did, and so I have a plan. You know, I have a plan but I'm not too attached to the plan and I kind of roll with that flow that I was talking about before going with the current, it's like okay, well, this is what's presenting itself now. Let's make choices in line with that. You know, let's optimize for the goal still the same, but the way I'm going to get there is probably going to be different.
Speaker 2:It, yeah, and sometimes the goal might change, but most of the time, you know, like ray dalio says, there's, there's lots of ways up the mountain. You know, often limitless ways up the mountain. If we we're still climbing the mountain, but based on what's happening in the, in the family or in myself or in life, we might have to change the path, and that's normal and if I expect that, that's that's, that's part of the deal as someone who has looks after your health and runs a business.
Speaker 1:How do you structure a day? What does that look like? Is it generally the same?
Speaker 2:Like you want to know what I do, yeah.
Speaker 1:I guess, if we looked at it from a macro level of where you put your time, if that's consistent or not, yeah, you put your time if that's consistent or not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean I. So we have a quarterly planning process, an annual planning process and then I have a weekly planning process. So I plan my week prior to the week starting on a sunday. I know what I'm doing and when and the calendar's kind of full. Yeah, um, because I have a tendency to over commit. You know, put more on my plate. That's actually possible. Funny that.
Speaker 1:You'll see that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so within that, I also have those standards that I spoke about earlier. So, around, whether it be exercise or whether it be alone time, and I have questions that I run through weekly to prompt me on that stuff. So, do I have you know? Where do I feel? Is my cup full or not? Where am I on the performance pressure bell curve? I know we've spoken about that before offline, um, that type of stuff, and so within that, I'll then plan the day based on what my needs are.
Speaker 2:So, if it is, hey, I want to get in the gym because I've been sick for a couple weeks, okay, well, then this week we're going to train four or five mornings, whatever it might be. Yeah, actually I've been going, really going, really hard, and I'm going to do yoga. Yeah, but there's going to be some form of movement, there's going to be some. Well, there's always like a meditation. Um, the work would probably be a big part of it. That I'm considering what's going on with the family? What's going on with Eve? Where are we spending time as a couple? Where am I getting alone time? Um, what social commitments do I have? What social commitments do I have?
Speaker 2:That's kind of the order, I guess, and I kind of look at the what are the five big rocks for the week, like what would success look like on Friday or Sunday? What would have happened in order for me to achieve success this week? And then what are the five big things that need to be done? It could be three, it could be six, but you know generally speaking. And then what needs to, what are the sub rocks under that that need to be done? And could be three, it could be six, but you know generally speaking. And then what, what needs to, what are the sub rocks under that that need to happen, and they all get planned in love it, man, I love it, dude.
Speaker 1:It's been so good to catch up again and absolutely. I really enjoy our conversations, man likewise and I'm sure we'll definitely do it again. Uh, it takes so much away from it. And where can just remind people where they can find you on socials, because? I truly do get so much value from the posts.
Speaker 2:Thanks, man. So Anthony, in a work, all one word on Instagram. We've also got the Awakened Lifestyles YouTube series where we've got our eight players interviews and podcasts there. And yeah, awakened Lifestyles is the company brand and we're doing some pretty cool things behind the scenes which, for your listeners, I'm sure we'll reveal soon but I'm sure they'll be interested in If they're into optimizing themselves and optimizing their human experience. We've got some cool stuff coming, so it might be worth checking out.
Speaker 1:Epic. I'll put all the links in the show notes there.
Speaker 2:Thanks, so much brother Appreciate your.