How I Found Purpose - Guest Interview (Steve) #581

Ever wondered how a chance encounter and a simple book recommendation can catalyze a complete life transformation? Join us as Lachlan Stuart shares his compelling journey from a turbulent past marked by poor choices and substance abuse to a life of purpose and self-awareness. This episode kicks off with insights into the serendipity of meeting people from our hometowns while abroad and the impact of social media's illusions on our perceptions of success. Through candid storytelling, Lachlan reveals how embracing vulnerability and taking actionable steps can foster personal and professional growth.

Discover the pivotal moments that led Lachlan to reinvent himself, including the crucial role of "The Four Agreements" in challenging his beliefs and sparking deep introspection. We delve into the complexities of youth and responsibility, illustrating how experimenting and making mistakes can yield invaluable life lessons. Lachlan's journey didn't stop there; we further explore the founding of The Man That Can Project, a men's group dedicated to fostering open dialogue about personal struggles and growth. This chapter also highlights the powerful impact of documenting one's journey online to build a supportive and authentic community.

We wrap up by reflecting on the lasting benefits of athletic pursuits and the evolving definition of success. Lachlan recounts his return to track athletics and ambitious challenges like attempting to break a Guinness World Record. We discuss how true success now hinges on health, meaningful connections, and personal freedom rather than monetary gain or fame. Emphasizing the importance of supportive relationships and lifelong learning, this episode provides a roadmap for anyone looking to forge a path of genuine self-discovery and fulfillment. Tune in for a dose of inspiration and actionable insights that could transform your life just as they did for Lachlan.

Learn How To Discover Who You Really Are, What You Want From Life & Where Your Fit In.

https://www.themanthatcanproject.com/selfdiscoverycourse

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:00

Welcome to Share, steve. Thanks for having me on mate.

Speaker 2: 1:06

It's awesome to catch up with you. It was interesting. Last year I was on a sole degree retreat and Greg Scheinman, the midlife male, he said this to me do you know Lachlan Stewart? He's from your hometown. And I said I don't think so. And now I'm back in Brisbane, you're in America and we catch up for a chat.

Speaker 1: 1:28

I know it's funny how it works like that, the amount of times that's happened. I'm like I've just left that place, but let's link up online. But that's the beauty of the internet, right.

Speaker 2: 1:38

Yeah, it is, it is and you know we obviously connect with content and you know we can kind of spread that impact throughout the world, no matter where you are. And obviously for you, you know you've built a business and built kind of a movement that allows you to do it from wherever you want. So I'm pretty envious on that.

Speaker 1: 1:59

Yeah, I think, as we were probably just saying, offline as well, it is a lot of perception there's from the social media side of things. Things it always looks like things are going swimmingly and I'm having the most amazing time, but there are a lot of moments where I'm pulling my hair out and thinking what the hell am I going to do next? Um, but you know, I think that's what you and I and lots of other people out there is we're just out here having a crack, giving it our best shot to chase the goals that we've set for ourselves, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Speaker 2: 2:32

Yeah, and I love breaking those perceptions and kind of breaking that facade. And part of this podcast is kind of digging into people's lives and their stories, because I know when I was in real estate, people would, you know, kind of go oh god, you're so successful, you're so lucky, you've got a great family and everything like that and you're just such a good father. And I remember posting one day like I'd always be, like I go through the same challenges everyone else does. Um, you know, we're all, we're all just trying to keep it together. We're all trying to do our best. But it's interesting how perception so that's what you know for me I kind of show a lot more vulnerability and discuss a lot more things online over the last few years because it kind of gives people a bit of a taste of oh okay, oh, he is normal.

Speaker 1: 3:22

And that's I wish you know. Having heard you just say that, steve, I'm like I wish I had a Steve in my life 10 years ago who was successful and doing really well and on the outside looked like he had it all together, but then would be honest about what's actually going on, because that's what wrecked me, and I'm sure a lot of people listening to this are experiencing the exact same thing. We feel so alone in our thoughts, we feel so alone in our problems, but now we have people like yourself or myself with platforms and podcasts and even just men in their own communities who are starting to really share more of what's really going on, and a problem shared is a problem halved, and I think a lot more men are stoked to have access to real men speaking about real problems.

Speaker 2: 4:10

Yeah, I recently turned 40 and I did 40 things I've learned at 40. And it's interesting, I've had a number of men reach out to me and say, oh, I loved this point, or I've got to travel more. Actually, it makes me think I've got to put a hike in. Oh, actually, I love that point on never stop dating your wife. So all these different things and sharing that stuff, it just empowers other people to go oh, wow and like, obviously, when you think of change, a lot of the time people get overwhelmed with change. But I always say just plant that seed, just do that one thing, just make that one step forward. That will just get you a little bit closer to where you want to be, the type of person you want to be, the type of life you want to live.

Speaker 1: 4:56

Exactly, and that one step is what puts you in the position to build a little bit of stability. If you're someone who doesn't necessarily like rapid change or extreme change. Find what you're comfortable with and move in that direction. I think everyone here Tony Robbins, I assume Tony Robbins claimed the quote. It seems to be everywhere. But progress equals happiness.

Speaker 1: 5:18

We all want to feel like we're making some degree of progress, yet progress requires us to grow. It requires us to be in a position which is uncomfortable and because of that, a lot of people tend to avoid that. I know I was guilty of that for a long time and I still am in certain certain moments and instances. But what I? You know, when I think about a little, a little bit, or break it down, I'm like, okay, well, what's the one step that I could take that I do feel would be moving me in the right direction and I'm comfortable with? And if I need to sit here and sort of suss out the area a little bit to get a bit more familiar with it or understand it a little bit more, that's completely okay. But once I do that, then what's that next step as well, on top of that, layer by layer or step by step?

Speaker 2: 6:04

Yeah, top of that, layer by layer, step by step, yeah, and sometimes you've got to know, and sometimes you don't know. But sorry, sometimes you, you know, sometimes you've kind of got to jump you know, sometimes you've got to look at it and go, you know, and one of my 40 things was if you, um, if you're thinking whether it's the time to jump, jump you know, like, take that next step, because then you'll be like, oh okay, that wasn't as bad.

Speaker 1: 6:34

I've made some progress. Wow, I'm actually capable of more than I first thought, and that in itself is a surreal feeling. I don't know about you, steve, but I spent a lot of my younger years beating myself up because I wasn't taking the risks. Deep down, I felt like I had the ability to achieve, I guess, outcomes or things that I saw a lot of other people achieving, yet I still wasn't taking that risk, and that used to really frustrate me. But when.

Speaker 1: 7:05

I learned that the only person who could make the change or who could do the thing that was required of me in order to create a different outcome. That's when I started going okay, well, let's take that leap. Obviously, there's some things you can't come back from, so I want to put context around that. But if you do enough due diligence to go okay, what's the worst case scenario here? To put context around that, but if you do enough due diligence to go okay, what's the worst case scenario here? And let's say, for example, it is in joining a new gym.

Speaker 1: 7:29

The worst case scenario of joining a new gym is you don't like the people. Maybe the classes suck and you've signed up for a month or whatever. You lose that month. That's not a really, at the end of the day, bad outcome. To get some feedback around, okay, I didn't like this about that particular gym. Next time I go looking for my gym, I just want to keep that in mind. I want to suss out what's the culture like. Do they have community events, for example? And I think the cost well, there is no real cost. It's an investment in feedback which then helps you redirect to figuring out what that next thing is for you.

Speaker 2: 8:08

And it's a good thing as well, because when you move towards things, I've worked out that sometimes we can have in our head that we want to achieve things, we want to do things, and then sometimes you move towards it and you go actually I don't think I want to do this, but if you don't move towards it, you don't know that right. So then you just have this excuse. You have to keep coming up with these reasons why you're not doing it or why you can't do it. But if you move towards it it's like oh, actually I'm not feeling this anymore, I'm going to move towards something else.

Speaker 1: 8:42

Exactly right, and too many dudes just feel like every decision is set in stone. As, to probably touch on what I said a moment ago, there are only probably a couple of like, less than a handful of things that you can't undo Most of the things you pivot from, as you said, once you've got the feedback. But so many people that I speak to that are feeling lost or they're lacking direction. They're the people that just aren to that are feeling lost or they're lacking direction. They're the people that just aren't embracing the new experiences and reflecting on the impact of those experiences. Right, that's what we call self-discovery.

Speaker 1: 9:15

You can't find out more about what you like, what you don't like, the people that you want to surround yourself with, people that you want to remove from your life, if you're constantly having more of the same people that you want to remove from your life, if you're constantly having more of the same. It's one of those echo chambers, and that's why I think it's so important to even the things that I believe at the moment. I'm always questioning. I'm always having conversations with people who maybe believe differently, because I want to understand their point of view and I want to either solidify my own belief or potentially change my belief, because, at the end of the day, solidify my own belief. Or potentially change my belief, because, at the end of the day, my goal is to live the best possible life, and how I am living right now is awesome, but I do believe it can get better, and people are experts in things that I'm currently not, and I want to source that information from the people who are living that right now.

Speaker 2: 10:52

Yeah, that's awesome. So we're obviously going to get into a few things. We've already got into a few things in this chat so far.

Speaker 1: 10:57

We started hot, didn't we?

Speaker 2: 10:59

We went out, we did, we did, but that's good. That's good. It sets the tone for the chat today. As I always do, I wanted to start by asking who is Lockie Stewart.

Speaker 1: 11:14

Lockie Stewart is a husband, an athlete and a man who is showing up to be his best every single day. How I've gotten here is through rock bottom moments, and rock bottom is different for everyone, but I use that moment to propel myself forward. I spent a long time sitting down in the muddy water of self-pity and disgust and I recognized there was only one of two ways I could stay there in the sewage, and I didn't really like that. So the next option was to work out what I wanted for my life, and that required radical responsibility and a lot of introspective thinking and acknowledgement around parts and aspects of myself that I didn't enjoy and because I was willing to take or step up to the plate. With that, I've turned into a man that I'm truly proud of, someone that, if I looked at myself in the mirror, I would follow myself. I practice what I preach and I am continually trying to put my best foot forward every single day.

Speaker 2: 12:19

Yeah, that's awesome when you talk about rock bottom and I can. You know, going through what I've gone through over the last five, six, seven years, it's interesting because rock bottom I call it. I was just at a men's retreat in America and I call it ground zero. You know, you can kind of go back to that and you can actually almost feel those moments when you had really hit rock bottom. Can you talk to me a little bit about what was the catalyst for change and what were some of those moments?

Speaker 1: 12:52

I had a number of wake-up calls over the years, steve, and I wasn't ready to listen. I was still, I guess, deflecting responsibility. There was moments when I got caught out cheating I was taking drugs, I was lying, I was manipulating. I'd been dropped from multiple sporting teams and I always seemed to find someone else that I could blame for that and because of that I could kick on. That's not my problem just yet. Let's move on. And what happened? In 2012,?

Speaker 1: 13:22

I moved to France to play rugby and I was like this is a fresh start. This is complete success. Everyone back home my ex-girlfriend who just dumped me, is going to regret dumping me. And now I've got. You know, I'm living abroad. I'm living the dream. Success is. This is my idea of success, and what I recognized, or I experienced, sorry a couple of months into living in France was all the same.

Speaker 1: 13:44

Problems started arising in a whole new country and I was now removed from my support network. So it was a really terrible time to be stuck in your own head where you're insecure, you're still jealous about your ex-girl. You're insecure, you're still jealous about your ex-girlfriend. Back home, you're playing crap football, you're drinking a lot. It was just this toxic cycle, I ended up finding my way back to Australia, and with no purpose. So up until that point, all I'd ever wanted to be and all I ever believed that I could excel in was sport. I wanted to be a professional athlete and I was a really great athlete, but I'd never truly committed myself because things came naturally. I was one of those guys who was gifted and I did work hard, but I think when I got the opportunity to get paid for it, I didn't. I took that for granted, and when I got home I didn't know who I was. I didn't know what I valued and I was scared to stand out because I wasn't good at anything. So I fit right in and the environment that I was fitting in with drank a lot, partied a lot, and I found myself in that position and, as someone who'd always wanted to be the best was driven by or got their validation by being the best, I was like all right, I can be the best partier and and I know a lot of people, especially blokes, can resonate with that they want to be that top guy.

Speaker 1: 15:01

And I found myself in a situation which, when I reflect on it, I felt disgusted, and it was the first time in my post-school life, I would say, where I had a long, hard look at myself and I was like I'm not supposed to be here, and what I mean by that is I went to a great school and I had a private education on a sports scholarship. I have an incredible family and I had every opportunity. Yet I had managed to stuff it up time and time again and I remember sitting there in that moment being like things have got to change. I don't know what that is or what that looks like, but I just need to get away from it and fast forward. Three-month period and that's just. I can't really remember what the timeframe was, but roughly about three months I met my now wife and in that moment it was like a lifeline. And in that moment it was like a lifeline.

Speaker 1: 15:55

I knew that I was about to get into a relationship with someone who didn't have common friends, which meant I could reinvent myself. And that sounds weird saying that out loud. Why would you want to reinvent yourself? But I had reinvented myself when I went to a rugby school. Prior to rugby, I was a national level runner and I love skateboarding, but because I got bullied at that school in grade eight, for being a skinny little skater boy, I made myself and I reinvented myself into a football player. So I now had the opportunity to do that again, but I wanted to do it properly this time, and a guy that I'd been playing rugby with which is weird that it came out of that same social group gave me a book, and the book was the Four Agreements. The only reason, steve, why I read that book because I wasn't interested in reading was I respected who he was as an individual and he was quite successful in business.

Speaker 1: 16:47

Once I read that it challenged so many beliefs that I had. It was like be impeccable with your word. I was not doing that. Don't assume I was assuming everything. I was living in a really uncomfortable environment or headspace, sorry. And after that I was like cool, well, I don't necessarily know what my next chapter looks like, but I just know I don't want to fuck up my relationship. Am I allowed to swear Sorry? Yeah, of course you can. Yeah, sorry, I don't want to mess up my relationship.

Speaker 1: 17:17

And so, in order for me to become a better man, I knew that the lying had to stop. I knew that there could be no cheating and manipulation, and when I started reading more, I started learning about these things why am I so jealous? Why am I so insecure? And then, as you start going down that pathway, you can start acknowledging a few things and doing a bit of work on that. That made me a better man, and every, I guess, solution or problem that I solved provided a new problem. I created a new problem. It's like, okay, that's now ticked, but here's more work.

Speaker 1: 17:47

Lockie, are you prepared to continue doing it? And I dug myself out of rock bottom. I got so passionate and so excited that I had gone from essentially being someone that I would describe as a stain on society and that feels terrible to say that about myself, but that's how I would view myself back then into a man that I'm completely proud of. And that rock bottom and the lessons that I learned and where it has taken me since then purely because I decided that I just didn't want to mess up my relationship and gave myself and created an idea of what not messing that up would look like then enabled me to learn skills and build standards in order to be that version of myself. And then obviously, that's had a ripple effect, steve, into my business life, into my relationships with friends and family, and you know so many other things so obviously you had to leave some stuff behind.

Speaker 2: 18:48

You obviously gained a lot. Talk to me about some of the courage it took to and some of the things you had to drop um to to move forward into the, into the kind of light I suppose I had to drop some friendships for a while.

Speaker 1: 19:05

I in hindsight I don't believe I needed to do that, but in the moment I think that was what I what I really needed, because I was so vulnerable and so easily influenced that any opportunity to party the rubber arm would get twisted and I was back doing things that I wanted to get away from. So how I handled that I wouldn't handle now, but I would sort of distance myself until I became confident and had really established some new habits to be a better version of myself. And the other things was I had to leave behind the rugby lifestyle. I love footy, I love sport, but the association that I had with rugby and with drinking and partying and women, it wasn't going to change if I continued playing rugby.

Speaker 1: 19:56

And it's nothing against the sport in itself, it's just the culture that I found myself in and how I had now connected patterns and habits of behavior. You'd finish a game, you'd go up to the clubhouse, you'd drink a few beers and you'd be like I feel pretty good, let's go out tonight and let's see what's happening on the town. And I don't believe I would have been able to break that habit had I stayed in the sport. So one of the biggest sacrifices I made at the time was retiring at 23. My whole identity up until that point had been a professional footy player and wanted to pursue that dream.

Speaker 1: 20:33

So to walk away from that really stripped me back, but at the same time, steve, it afforded me the opportunity to really build on that foundation that I said it's like who do I want to be from here on out? And I had never really spent too much time around successful business people, or even people who spoke openly around what a healthy, I guess intimate relationship was. And so, as I started networking with more what a healthy, I guess intimate relationship was. And so as I started networking with more of those people, I was like man, maybe I could try my hand in business and maybe I can be a world-class husband at the same time.

Speaker 1: 21:07

What does that look like and what am I not prepared to sacrifice in order to achieve that? Because I had seen lots of people and once again I understand generations do things differently. So it's not having a go at any generation, but it's building upon. It is in order to support your family. Like my dad did, I wanted to work out how I could achieve that without sacrificing my health, without sacrificing my relationships with my mates or my wife or potential future children, and how I could build income in a way that would allow me to have more time at home, and they were all questions that I started asking myself and started seeking out answers for, because I do believe it's possible and there's a lot of people who are proving that now and I'm leading the way in doing that as well.

Speaker 2: 21:54

Yeah, now and I'm leading the way in doing that as well. Yeah, can I ask, lockie, do you ever think about you now, the evolved man, the man that's kind of a lot further ahead, past his partying days drinking the girls? If you were the person you are today, back then, do you think that would have had a change on your sporting career?

Speaker 1: 22:18

Definitely I'm a much better athlete. I'm fitter, healthier, stronger. My mindset is so much better. I often joke about it with my mates. Now I'm like if I was playing rugby now with knowing what I know, I would be dangerous.

Speaker 1: 22:33

Yet it's interesting and I'll think this out loud because I haven't actually thought about it too much. I was just having a conversation on Twitter with someone this morning. Around it there's a lot of 19, 20, 21-year-olds who are saying I don't party, I don't drink, I don't do X, y and Z, and I'm like that's awesome and I used to say imagine if I was doing this at 21 or 19 or whatever age it may be. But then the other part of me thinks isn't that period of our life where we really don't have too many responsibilities? Yes, we have an abundance of what we can achieve, but that time where we don't have responsibilities is also a beautiful time to try things and make mistakes and learn more about what we do and don't like. Because I've also seen athletes who have committed everything and then, once they finish their career, they just party like animals and they do have more to lose at that point because they've got their brand or they maybe have a family and things really fall apart. So it's interesting to think about that. Yes, I believe I would be a better athlete and my mindset was better and I could have capitalized on it a lot more.

Speaker 1: 23:42

But I do not for one second regret anything that happened, because those experiences have now enabled me to teach other people, to learn a lot about myself, to have experienced that side to go. Look, I'm not even envious of people who are still out partying and doing all of those sorts of things. That doesn't interest me at all, because I have experienced it. But had I not experienced it, steve, it would be like anyone who hasn't experienced anything. You've always got that. But what if? And having a but what if? Sorry, a what if, can you know? Have you, I guess, straying from where you want to be focused on? So it's interesting to think about and I do think about that a lot for these young kids who are maybe too impatient around making their first million or whatever they want to do and missing out on the opportunities that they have in front of them to actually live and experience that time of their life.

Speaker 2: 24:37

Yeah, so, lockie, your journey led you to found the man that Can project.

Speaker 1: 24:45

It did, indeed, and it was. People ask how did you become a coach? If you knew me in grade 12 or at any point in school, steve maths was my strong subject and PE, not English or communication. My mom would always say to me Lockie, stop mumbling. I'd always be like talking into my voice because of a lack of self-esteem.

Speaker 1: 25:08

Now you can't shut me up, but what happened through those years where I was reading and I was learning a lot about reading and I was learning a lot about myself and I was overcoming a lot of my own mental demons, was I started using Instagram to document that. I learned from Jim Rohn and I listened to Jim Rohn all the time. He's one of the OGs, but there's three treasures that you leave behind. It's your bookshelf, so people can understand what made you think, act and behave the way you did. Your photo album, so they can see the chapters of your life and the diaries. It's like what were you actually thinking about? What were you writing about? And when I read that, I was like, wow, so you're telling me. Technology the way it is that one day my children or I can look back on my life and just check out Instagram posts or a YouTube channel or a blog. That is awesome, and so I started documenting that. I wanted to talk about the things that I was learning and I was experiencing and as a result of that, steve, I had people start following that Because I was talking about the shit that I was going through. As we spoke about to kick off the conversation, I wasn't going to hide any of the stuff that I'd gone through or the people that I'd hurt or the things that I was learning, because I knew that I wasn't alone and I also wanted to get the baggage off my back. When I started speaking openly about my depression and suicidal ideation and the way that I'd mistreated people, I felt better because I didn't have to. I wasn't ashamed of that anymore and people were resonating with that.

Speaker 1: 26:42

And I still remember when I was in Austria one day I was actually walking to the pub to have a palmy and a pint and I continued to get messages from blokes and from ladies being like oh, maybe you should talk to my partner. Or a bloke said, hey, I can't remember the specific question, but he asked me something that I was like I'm getting enough of these questions, that I'd rather just solve this in a group format than doing it one-to-one, and I was like when I get back to Brisbane, I'm creating a men's group. I didn't have any idea what it is or how it would work. I'm creating a men's group. I didn't have any idea what it is or how it would work. I just remember putting it up on Instagram, creating an event.

Speaker 1: 27:17

Right and away we went and that first event I literally wrote like an eight-page introduction on myself and why this was happening. Got in there, so we had eight people rock up and as soon as I walked in I was like this isn't what it's for. So I didn't actually ever read that and I just made it up on the fly. I was like, okay, well, what brought you guys here? Maybe what's a pain point or something like that. And it ended up being this incredible waterfall effect. The first person was a bit stiff and rigid and that was me guilty. But the next person, the first person who truly opened up, just opened up a cascade for everyone else to have permission to speak about what was going on. And this blew my mind, steve, because I saw men from all walks of life. I think on the first one we had a lawyer, we had a couple of chippy, like builders, pt and someone in tech, for example. Anyway, the fact that they connected so well I was like this is incredible. Like it doesn't matter where you are from in life, we can connect through story and through sharing our challenges.

Speaker 1: 28:19

The groups continued to grow. We got to about 30 people and they'd run for about two and a half hours and everyone was engaged. What I started noticing was people kept showing up and talking about the same problems. It's awesome to talk about your problems, but it's also very important to have that next step, which is to figure out what you're going to do to solve that problem. And that's when I started going okay, well, this is working. Well, there's obviously a demand for it. What's the next thing I can do to stop men continuing to show up with the same problem? But have them showing up having solved that and improved their quality of life? And we put together a workshop. We started running workshops the podcast was obviously a big part of that for my own communication and to interview and learn from other people, and we've done all these things over the years and constantly in the back of my mind, being fully transparent, steve, I've always had an idea that the business had to be able to serve my personal needs in regards of having a flexible lifestyle.

Speaker 1: 29:17

Because my wife travels a lot, we travel a lot. I wanted to be in a position, should we have children, that I can be a stay-at-home dad should. I want to do that at that point in time and I've always had that in the back of my head for the last 10 years and that's why I'm in the position I'm in. But the goal has always been how do I help the version of myself who didn't have access to people who had the results that I want? That could tell me not only what it took to be successful, but the shit that was going on behind the scenes, the tension in the relationships, the self-doubt, the missed soccer games watching their son like the real stuff that we all stress about but never talk about.

Speaker 2: 29:59

And that's where we are today. We all can feel alone at times and sharing online, whether it's social media, whether it's YouTube, whether it's in a podcast. And it was the basis of starting share podcast. Because I thought for me over years, there's so many people that have inspired me, whether it's been on podcasts or YouTube or Instagram, and for me it made me feel like, oh, hold on, I can be better, I can move through this, I can, I can use these strategies. But then I also started working out that, okay, well, if they've done something, if they've shared something and I've inspired, well, I should be sharing my journey. I should be sharing and getting that out, because people and you don't always know like, as you know, with the podcast and your podcast, lockie, you don't know who's listening. You know, I went to a Broncos game the other night and a lady came up and she said to me she said, oh, steve, you know, I've known her for probably 10 or 15 years, but she used to work for us. But she came up and she said oh, I love listening to your podcast and I'm like you listen to my podcast. And she goes yeah, so does my husband. And it was just. It was like you never know who's listening and I've told a story before but a gentleman that I've known probably for about 10 or 12 years.

Speaker 2: 31:27

Obviously I started, you know, kind of feeling really fatigued, depression, anxiety, everything not quite right in 2018 and I started sharing stuff online and it was only about five years later where the guy texted me and said hey, steve, I love, love your posts. I've been watching your content for five years. It's probably time that we catch up for a coffee. Like five years of reading my contact I didn't know that he was, you know and he said every time you wrote something or something you shared, just resonated with me and actually allowed me to make decisions that allowed me to move on with my life. And you know some of the decisions. He's had to go through some pretty tough stuff, but where he is.

Speaker 2: 32:17

I texted him the other day. I said you know how's things and he says I'm not overwhelmed, I'm not stressed, I spend more time with my family and I like for me the whole thing. Just one person, right. Like for me, my job's done. I've helped. You know one person like for me, my job's done, I've helped. You know one person right. Obviously we help a lot more people. But that, that that is the whole thing is if you can just impact one person, if you can just make a difference in their life, because there's a flow on effect on that, because then if they're a better, if they show up as a better father, a better husband, a better friend, a better colleague, a better human being, then that flows on to other people and it's this kind of compounding effect which you know, obviously we're all trying to, you know, kind of improve the world and make it a better place, and together it's that ripple effect that really starts making waves.

Speaker 1: 33:16

I agree and I love the focus on the one person.

Speaker 1: 33:21

With social media, I believe a lot of people are getting overwhelmed and also trying to impact the whole world. We see how much tension there is with different groups believing their way is the only way, et cetera, and not understanding that tribes have always been a thing, there's been people with certain belief systems, et cetera, and that's okay as long as we're not harming other people or destroying the world. I believe every tribe or every community has its place, should it be there for greater good. And when you look at it from that perspective, I know for myself steve, even with our academy, like we're not trying to impact hundreds of thousands of people. I see a lot of people being like I want to impact a million lives. It's like okay, well, how do you quantify that for one? And so for me, I'm like I just want to directly impact 50 people because I can actually be part of that, like genuinely be a part of that and see a ripple effect, meet the families, the children, all that sort of stuff.

Speaker 1: 34:21

That, to me, is me doing my job. But I remember when I first started I was one of those people who was like I'm going to impact 10 million straight up. And if ask myself why, it's because my ego, that sounded cool. But looking back I'm like that's, that's awesome goal for sure. But how much of how much depth is there within that relationship?

Speaker 1: 34:45

And I believe society, a lot of society, is broken. The reason why we feel so bloody lonely, we're over-medicated and extremely unhealthy, it's because of the disconnect. You're not going to get connected with people trying to impact millions of people. You just can't have the depth of your relationships. As a byproduct, you may impact those many people, but if you were to focus on, for example, three to five awesome friends, like really good friends that you know everything that's going on in their life because you invest in that relationship, you're doing well.

Speaker 1: 35:18

If you have up to roughly 50 associates, people that you chat with, it's not always deep conversation, maybe a bit surface level. You've got common interests, you're doing well there, but that's even hard to keep up with. Anything outside of that is to me, it's just like that's not possible to do well, and if you're putting that expectation on yourself, you'll end up neglecting the people that really need you and the people that you want to give time to most, which is your family, which is yourself. And, I believe, because people are spread so thin, they don't know who they are, they don't know what they want from their life and they don't know where their place in society is, and that's what's leading to a lot of this hatred and confusion going on at the moment.

Speaker 2: 36:03

Yeah, lockie, talk to me about vulnerability. It wasn't something obviously through your journey that came easily.

Speaker 1: 36:14

Definitely something to develop. I grew up idolizing my dad, who was obviously he was a blue-collar worker, someone who worked hard, didn't share his emotions much, only really recently started hugging him and I saw how he operated and obviously over the years, even when I was playing footy, he's just like. I broke my nose once and he's like, oh, when I was younger, I'd put a pencil up there and shift that back and I was like, all right, if you did that, then I'm going to keep playing. And so there were so many things that I learned from that where I was like this suck it up mentality.

Speaker 1: 36:50

And I remember in 2004 now, I had a friend commit or take their life by suicide, and so I was 13, 14 at the time and it was on the front page of the paper in Toowoomba and no one spoke about it. I had to keep a copy of that paper under the bed and I'd cry about it in private because it was sad, but no one ever asked are you okay or what was that experience like? It was just like carry on and get on with it. And I ended up doing that with a lot of stuff when relationships would break down, when I'd get pissed off. It was just like bottle it up and I would find a way to, I guess, let it all out. So vulnerability when people, even previous partners, were like what's really going?

Speaker 1: 37:37

on, I'd never explored that so I didn't know. And the fact that you were asking me to understand it I would get agitated about it. I'd be almost aggressive because I didn't understand what that was like. And when you build up enough anger or emotion that you don't process, you find ways to unleash. And that was through alcohol, that was through drugs, that was through womanizing, because those were the moments where I either numbed myself or I allowed myself to truly feel something, and then the next day straight back to coca face again. And when I recognized and I guess that was through using social media I realized how good I actually started feeling.

Speaker 1: 38:14

When I started talking about things, I got really interested in what vulnerability actually meant, and for me it was really starting to understand and piece together what was going on in my mind, what I guess triggered me or caused me to feel and experience things. Was that a good thing? Was that a bad thing? Because I felt, if I'm things, was that a good thing. Was that a bad thing? Because I felt if I'm sad, that's a bad thing. Life's not good, but it's like day and night. You can't have one without the other.

Speaker 1: 38:44

To truly experience life, you need to learn to be vulnerable. You need to learn to appreciate the highs and lows of the emotions. Learn to appreciate the highs and lows of the emotions and when you can become or when I learned to become, comfortable in that, my life changed completely. I don't. You know, I haven't been angry, sorry, that's why I have been angry, but I haven't snapped or been aggressive for probably coming up 10 years, which is mind blowing, considering it was every couple of times a week.

Speaker 1: 39:14

My wife and I never fight. I can understand why couples fight, but I still can't get my head around why they choose to when I know that on the other side of doing this work and understanding how you feel and learning to put your thoughts into words can have such a profound impact on your life. And it's confronting to do, but it is simple to do. Should you go? Look, I'm putting my hand up and I want to get a grasp on what's going on emotionally for me and vulnerability as well, I guess. Just to finish off before we put a full stop on that Vulnerability as well.

Speaker 1: 39:52

Once again, from what I've observed is there is a time and place for it. I still believe, as a man, you need to know when to be strong, to be assertive and to lead, just as much as you need to know when to let the guard down and open up. I feel there's like a big pendulum right. I feel I've watched and once again, this is going down the rabbit hole of the internet, but sometimes you'll you know, you and I, steve, probably grew up in that time where it's like men are hard, men don't cry, men don't talk about their feelings or emotions to the other side, where it's like the resilience level of a lot of people is not maybe where it needs to be to function well in society, and so how do we bring back and that's not having a go at anyone, because I don't believe I was broken A lot of good came. I believe Steve and this is just me Steve came from learning to be tough, because I learned a lot about myself and maybe I persevered with things that I wouldn't have had I been like, oh, that hurts me too much. That's a bit challenging. So, as much as it was something that I had to work with. It has made me so mentally resilient to do a lot of things that so many people haven't been capable to do before. But to that point of people who maybe lack resilience, that's okay.

Speaker 1: 41:10

If you find yourself struggling to maybe make the growth that you want, have the tough conversations, etc. You can learn, you can develop that skill by going back to what you said earlier steve around focusing on one person. It's also just focusing on that next brick you need to. If I'm struggling with this, what is the next brick that I'm comfortable to lay that will help me get closer to having a more resilient mindset? It's why I believe in doing something challenging every day, as most people who talk about resilience would say.

Speaker 1: 41:42

But you gain so much feedback and the cool thing about working towards controlled resilience is if it's too uncomfortable, you can stop. But the truth about life is you will face some adversity that you can't walk away from, and you're either going to step up to the plate and be able to handle that or you're going to crumble, and I personally don't like the idea of crumbling under adversity, especially if it means my family's going to, you know, be the consequence of that or other things that are important to me. So that's why I flex that muscle and that's why I believe as much as it's important to learn to be vulnerable, for the exact same reasons. We've got to find that balance.

Speaker 2: 42:19

Yeah, see, I've worked out and, as you know, a lot of the growth that we take doesn't start outside, it starts from within. So when we feel certain things, we're feeling those because it's internally, but we look to blame and make excuses and reasons externally right. And once you start looking in the mirror and kind of going, I feel this, why do I feel this? When was the first time I felt that way? What's caused that? And then start unpacking that kind of storage cupboard that we've got stuck in the back of our head, which we kind of compress everything. Once we start dealing with that chucking it out, sorting through it and really starting working through that we actually feel more confident, we feel less weight on our shoulders and we can actually.

Speaker 2: 43:11

For me, it was probably a year and a half to two years ago when I sat there and I went. I want to be me. I don't feel like I'm being me, and since then I've worked on being me. It takes a lot of courage in that, because being you does make other people a little bit more uncomfortable because they're like well, hang on, you used to be like this or you used to be like that, but for me I was like I've got to live who I am and I want the people around me to live who they are, because you've got to live with that authenticity, otherwise you just can't live a fulfilled life.

Speaker 1: 43:55

Agreed and you touched on a very important point. When you start changing whether it is to be more authentically you, whatever you feel that looks like you will change how you show up in other people's lives and, as we know and we can probably understand our own experiences people don't necessarily like change, and that includes if you're changing. You may have been the buddy who goes to the pub with your mates every Friday at 5 pm and neglected your family, and now you've sort of woken up to yourself, I would say, and realized hey, man, friday afternoons are for my family. I want to go home and help, so I'm going to start doing that. Therefore, you've created change.

Speaker 1: 44:34

Now, when your buddy picks up on the phone or shoots you a text at midday on Friday, be like beers. You're saying no, I'm shooting home to the kids. They're going. What's going on with Steve? Steve's always been there for me. Now he's not doing that. I don't like that. I'm going to make him feel bad about it and he'll probably shoot back a message being like oh, going home to the daddy duties are you, or something you know which isn't intentionally meant to do that, or a picture at 5 o'clock with him, with the guys at the pub with the beers saying you know, this is what you're missing out on.

Speaker 1: 45:04

Yeah, shame. How's the family Like things like that that make you feel almost bad or intended to make you feel bad because you're not there. But over time that can change. So I'm glad you touched on that point, because a lot of people that's the whole crab in the bucket idea where it's. We want change, but every other crab in the bucket wants to hold on to you. But what happens? If you can separate from that bucket, I guarantee you a few of the other crabs left in the bucket are going to go. I want to go where Steve's going. That's what I want to be doing. I just haven't had the balls to do it yet.

Speaker 2: 45:41

And that's where leadership comes into play and influence and a lot of the time the people that are shaming you and they're not consciously know that they're doing it. But if they're shaming you or they're paying out on you or they're kind of uncomfortable because you're moving into a bit of a different realm, it actually says more about them because they are kind of pushing that onto you. But they're feeling inside themselves that they may not be showing up as the best father, husband, friend, colleague and human being that they want to be.

Speaker 1: 46:15

Correct and look, I still give my mates a bit of cheek every now and then and vice versa. And I think it's very important to be aware of the relationship, because when I first started I guess I had this personal development ego and I had no tolerance for banter Steve as well, and I want to touch on this just because I think it's really ingrained in the Australian culture. But when you've got a relationship of understanding with your mates and you actually know what's going on in their life, meaning more than just them and their career, like how's the family life going, how's your relationship with your children? What are you worried about when you've got that level of relationship?

Speaker 1: 46:55

it's so much easier to throw banter in there and know that the consequences they're not dealing with anything where that could truly impact them in that moment, whereas we all go when we know a mate might be going through a divorce or something bad's happened and we're a bit more careful with the words that we use or the shade that we throw at our mates and it's important to be that switched on and in tuned the whole time.

Speaker 1: 47:20

And for me, when I first started realizing that I was like man, I just don't have a great enough relationship with my mates. We're awesome surface level, but I don't know how that relationship's going with his wife or his children or what's going on with his health etc. And when I started really investing in that, our level of friendship went through the roof. But now we have more banter. You know it's probably 85% talking crap but that 15% is extremely meaningful and I feel like a lot of relationships that I've experienced in the past have been so surface level that when I did throw shade or vice versa, I took it to heart because I didn't really have that level of trust or depth with the relationship.

Speaker 2: 48:04

Yeah, yeah, it's interesting attending a couple of men's retreats and you would have experienced this as well with your movement retreats and you would have experienced this as well with your movement. Um, there's so many things that are going on in, obviously, people's lives and, um, you know, it's hard to break down and get people to start talking about it, um, and it's easy. It's easy to kind of go oh yeah, let's um, you know, let's go for drinks, let's go for beers, because that's always the call to, isn't it? It's like let's go to beers right now.

Speaker 2: 48:37

That attachment of alcohol, um, with, with connection, um, is something that, like, I haven't had a drink since last october and, um, I did my mental health first aid course, um, and I also, through the starting the podcast, had a couple of conversations and a couple of interviews with people that kind of. There was a couple of mic drop moments in there and I was like, yeah, I, I'm, I'm having the odd drink here or there. I've never I don't believe I've ever been an alcoholic, um, but you know, two, two drinks just to calm yourself, to numb, numb how you're feeling at that point, and then two can be four in an evening, you know, and you don't feel as good when you get up in the morning, you don't feel as good. But I think one of the key things is is when you're dealing with friends. Um, and when we went to these retreats, you know, a lot of the guys were like oh, my friendship circles, we could never have these conversations. And I actually challenged that in one of the sessions and said have you ever tried Like? Have you ever like put yourself out there? Have you ever shown your own vulnerability? Have you ever mentioned something about your own relationship or what's happening in your life, or your anxiety or depression or anything like that? Because I think, you know and I found this when I go to events. Now, if someone says, oh, you know who would like to share, I try and share. Or you know, if I'm introducing myself, I'll say I've struggled with depression, anxiety, fatigue, da, da, da, da. And people will come up to me later on and go, oh, that was so good that you shared that, because then I felt like I could share. You know, and um, I from a.

Speaker 2: 50:24

There's this stigma around men opening up and being vulnerable and sharing, and um, I just think it starts with just starting to have that conversation. You know, on a very lower level, and some guys won't want to, but other guys will. You know, you might be in a social setting where you say you come out with something, you pose a question and a few of the guys just have a bit of a laugh and a bit of banter. But you know and I've had this as well and I've spoken to a couple of guys that experience the same thing that you know, you might have someone, that one of those guys in that social circle that texts you the next day or rings you and says, hey, can we just catch up for a coffee, you know? Or hey, you said this.

Speaker 2: 51:11

I'm actually going through something at the moment, you know, can I talk to you about it? And it's like, yes, that's, that's what you want. You can't help everyone, right? Everyone's on a on a different, they're in a different chapter of their journey. But if you can kind of be there for whoever or inspire someone in their chapter that wants to make a change or does need some help, that's who you're talking to at that time man, I love that steve.

Speaker 1: 51:40

I think extending the olive branch one thing you did extremely well there when you at the beginning, when you were saying I've experienced depression and fatigue etc is you're giving people reference points that they can potentially relate to, and one of the most important and underutilized skills in communication is doing that. When people say how are you? Or g'day, I'm Lockie, that's it, it's a full stop. The conversation is very hard. Same with building rapport and connection. One of the most important things, whether you're in a men's setting or just meeting people for the first time anywhere, is extending the olive branch by giving a few more reference points that relate to you that potentially they can grab to build conversation and build rapport. For example, my name is lucky. I'm an athlete. I, you know, just went for a 10k run this morning, I've got another 15k run tonight and we're going to go run in the snow. And so for someone, for example, am I go? Oh, you're in the snow, whereabouts are you living? Or you're running twice a day, what are you training for at the moment? And so the conversation then goes in the direction of my interests and people can do that in returning serve as well. It's like how are you? Oh, my day is good, all right, right, full stop, or my day's been pretty average. I woke up, I burnt my toast but I love my toast and then I rolled into the office. I'm currently working in marketing, but this afternoon I'm taking my family to the movies. So I now have just let you know. I have a family, I work in marketing and I love toast for breakfast. I have a family, I work in marketing and I love toast for breakfast. So you've now allowed the conversation to really open up and potentially have some connection points for people to build rapport really quickly.

Speaker 1: 53:23

One of the things I did and one of the best skills I ever learned Steve was actually the best jobs I ever had was as an Uber driver, because it taught me to build rapport in under five minutes. Like, the average trip is quite short and I was on a mission to grow my company and grow my podcast and I was like, well, that's a good way to get paid to do it and you get to talk to a lot of different people, so how can I build rapport with people really quickly in under five minutes? And that was it. It was like, okay, well, some people are really closed off and shy. So I have to lead the way, I have to influence the conversation, no different to how we do that with how do I?

Speaker 1: 54:01

You know, one of my skill sets that I am proud of is I can get any bloat to open up like really quickly. They'll be telling me everything and they're always like I've never shared this before. I'm like that's okay, but you're looking for an opportunity to do that, so let's continue. But I've done that by planning little bits of my own story of vulnerability. That has then, as you've said, steve, allowed them to feel comfortable doing the same returning serve, and that's all relationships are.

Speaker 1: 54:27

That's all communication is, and that's why, when I bring it back to who are we trying to influence or what's the impact that we're trying to have on the world, it's like if you just focus on what's in front of you, those immediate communities, man, the life-changing conversations that you will have, the value that you feel and the sense of belonging will be overwhelming. Too many people don't feel like they belong. They don't, and that's one of the biggest reasons why they're turning to fucking porn. They're living in their rooms, playing video games, et cetera. They're not going out to the gym or socializing, because they just don't have a community. It's not, in my opinion, it's not healthy, but that's because we've lost the innate ability to communicate effectively. What you said at the beginning why I went on this tangent you did that so well was how you extend the olive branch by giving a little bit more of yourself in a conversation than the average person would.

Speaker 2: 55:26

Yeah, I think it's moving. In our interactions with each other, whether it's males and males, males and females, whatever it is in life, we need to move from habit to intention. So, rather than the habit of saying, oh, how are you right, when most people actually are just saying that as habit, right, yeah, but actually saying how are you? And actually really wanting to know how they are and knowing how you can be of service to them and how you can possibly help them or guide them or just be there to listen to them in that moment. But a lot of stuff we say is by habit and you know, it's one of the things my brother and I talk about the are you okay, day right? Like, and it's why I became a mental health first aider and an instructor. It's one of the things my brother and I talk about the Are you Okay, day right. And it's why I became a mental health first aider and an instructor, because we're told to oh, are you okay?

Speaker 2: 56:24

But most people don't know or most people actually think the power is in the question. The power is not actually in the question. The power is in offering the space for someone to be vulnerable, to drop and actually have an opportunity to vent um. My brother actually says it should be called um I'm not okay, dad. Right, because you know like, are you okay? Most people will go yeah, good, not bad, whatever it is. You know all the australian slang, but it's, it's we. We just scratch on the surface of this habit of doing stuff and we don't, we don't look deeper, the deeper connection, the deeper conversations um and an opportunity to actually have deeper impact for someone in someone's life and to add to that, a lot of people aren't going to just open up to a complete stranger as well, unless you've done, for example, what we spoke about a moment ago.

Speaker 1: 57:26

If you want to have those conversations, you know how you can lead that conversation. But to most people, even where I was a number of years ago, if some random or even someone that maybe I spoke to occasionally said are you, okay, I don't want to have that conversation with you, like, I'm not even having it with the people that I do speak to a lot, why would I have it with you? And that's where, for me, I've also thought about okay, small community, build rapport, really invest in those relationships so that when shit gets hard which it will if it hasn't already, life is tough and it goes through seasons you know that you can pick up the phone and call whoever's on the end of the line for you.

Speaker 2: 58:07

Yeah, that's exactly right, Flucky. I wanted to talk. We've spoken about health and fitness a little bit. You've mentioned it a few times. It's a big thing for you. Talk to me about how big a part that plays in your life.

Speaker 1: 58:22

I love it. It's one of the most exciting things in my day. I have always loved health and fitness. I think I took it for granted, probably in the early 2010s, but now, as I said, I think if I was playing sport now in the to the level that I was, I'd be a much better athlete, because I do prioritize the impact of recovery and how it makes me feel both mentally and physically. I love what I learn through finding ways to challenge myself, through setting whether it's endurance challenges or just, you know, do a doing a hypertrophy session or what I can learn through bringing people together to create community events. It really is this one element of my life that I can take so much away from and put into all the areas of my life that are important, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't do something to improve my health.

Speaker 2: 59:18

Yeah, awesome. Can you talk to me about some of your personal achievements or your most proud moments from a from an athlete perspective?

Speaker 1: 59:26

one of my most recent was I. So when I finished school, I finished as a state champion in 400 um, and the year before was 800, and because I was pursuing the rugby path, I sort of dusted my hands clean with that. But. But it was always something that I wish I'd taken further, because I would have really liked to have seen where that went. And so, 2021 or 2022, I got back on the track and I'm like I'm way too old for this, I'm not going to be able to run the paces, but I started training again and it taught me so much. One, that age is just a number, but two, how fun it can be to relive the things that you did in your childhood. Whenever I get out on the track, even to this week of being on the track, it just takes me back to when I was that age.

Speaker 2: 1:00:17

And I'm like.

Speaker 1: 1:00:17

I feel so free, all the stress disappears. But I set a goal and my goal was to break a certain time, and I knew what it was going to take to do that. And the unfortunate thing in Queensland athletics is not many people participate after school, like after the schooling ages. So my first race was against a bunch of 12, 13, 14-year-old blokes. So I've rolled up, steve, with a full beard and lose my hair, whereas these guys probably just starting to go through puberty. And I'm looking around pointing at my wife and I'm like, if I lose, this is going to be quite embarrassing.

Speaker 1: 1:00:53

Anyway, guess what happened, steve? I bloody lost, and so it was the most humbling experience. So in one breath I was so proud that I just, you know, lucky 10 years ago would have had two bigger ego to have that experience again, right. So I'm so stoked that I put it all aside to do that. And on the other side, it's like man, you're not as good as you once were, or maybe you actually have to really train for something now.

Speaker 1: 1:01:20

And so it just reminded me that in order to achieve everything, nothing always goes to plan. You have to work hard. Every fouling or failure is just feedback on where you can improve on and you've got to enjoy the process. When you're getting paid to do something like when I was getting paid to play rugby it goes from being something that you love to do to something where you have an immense amount of pressure on you, and so to be able to do that and just like that man, that was fun and that's what I've been doing for the last couple of years. Steve, I've originally broken Guinness World Record for 30 marathons in 30 days on the rower two two years ago or so. I'm about to start another big one in three weeks.

Speaker 1: 1:02:05

But then also the people that we get together on these athletic feats, like it's just yeah. To me it's like there's no limitation. I used to believe that once you were sort of 28, you had the dad bod, the beer belly and you'd sort of given up on your athletic opportunities and fulfillment. And so many men and women are leading the way in 60s, 70s, 80s, still doing so many incredible things that I'm like, wow, I still got a whole lifetime to be able to challenge myself and pursue what I love. And I guess, tying it back into being prepared for everything, the real reason why I want to stay fit is, once again, children, grandchildren. I want to be able to move and experience life, not just have a sort of full stop on it once you're 50 because your hips are cooked or you haven't looked after yourself and the energy and vitality has disappeared. So I think the way that I motivate and inspire myself is through the ventures and the athletic pursuits, but the long-term benefit is what I just mentioned.

Speaker 2: 1:03:07

Yeah, so talk to me about your daily habits and what I like to call them as your non-negotiables. What are the things that you do each and every day to make sure that you're having the best day that you can?

Speaker 1: 1:03:22

Train my mind, train my body and reflect on the impact of the experiences that I'm having so quickly elaborate. It's like I'm always reading or listening to a podcast and then I'm writing notes about it and sort of starting to form my own insights and ideas around things. I think, rather than just consuming other people's content, I want to put my own spin on it, how it's impacting my life, how it could help people that I know. Same with training the body, I have a set of standards that I never want to go under, regardless of the training goal. So at the moment, I'm doing a lot of aerobic endurance work, which means not as much time in the gym. However, I keep regularly testing my benchmarks, my baselines, because I don't want to go under them. If I am starting to go under them which thankfully I'm not at the moment I'll probably dedicate more time because I don't want to sleep below those standards. And then, reflecting on the impact of life, it's reviewing my diary.

Speaker 1: 1:04:20

So, I use a diary. Everyone's got some form of diary. So, as you said, it's like my diary. So I use a diary. Everyone's got some form of diary. So, as you said, it's like being intentional with what goes in here. We all have the same amount of time. I reflect on the impact of the things that I'm doing. What fulfillment came from it? Did it move me closer to my goal or did it bring me energy? Did it drain my energy? Why, why not? And spend a bit of time thinking about that, because I feel that the more I do that, the more fulfilling my life's going to be in the future, because I've really gained a better understanding on the impact of my own actions.

Speaker 2: 1:04:52

Yeah, perfect Now, obviously, for men listening to this conversation and they're feeling a bit lost. They're not sure where they're going in life. Talk to me about some questions they should be asking themselves right now, to just get them thinking a little bit different, shift their mindset and start moving in a different direction.

Speaker 1: 1:05:17

The first thing is making a decision. So I talk about self-discovery. I was going to say vision, but if we think about self-discovery, it's what I mentioned at the beginning. The discovery of oneself comes through embracing new experiences. Once again, you can do this in your social life, in your career. If you're trying to find purpose and meaning in your career, try different jobs, right? I understand that some people have more responsibilities and obligations than others, so that may be a little bit more tricky. However, that's why, once again, when you're young, you can make mistakes, try things and then reflect on the impacts of those experiences.

Speaker 1: 1:05:53

I've learned that I really love being active. I don't enjoy the pub. My mates won't call me up and say, lockie, let's go to the pub. My mates will call me up and be like we're going surfing in the morning or we're going to hike this or we're going camping here, because they know that's what I love. I've learned that through years of going to the pub, years of doing various travels and experiences, I'm like I really find that fulfilling because of this.

Speaker 1: 1:06:19

So the most simple place to start, gentlemen, is discovery of self. So, just if you've got a 12-month calendar and, once again, depending on your commitments and your obligations. You may have a lot of opportunity to explore new things or you may not, and, depending on where you sit on that, decide how many commitments you're going to make to try new experiences. You may do it with a group of buddies, you may not, but, for example, every quarter you might do one lads weekend or one event that is completely new. You're not guaranteed to like it, and that is okay, but that experience will give you feedback that you can either pivot or learn from. The more you do that, the more you're going to understand what you want to do more of. What that then enables you is to go to point two, steve, which is create a vision for your life. Now I want to remind people that when you create a vision for your life, it's not set in stone. It can change, and you continue that whole process of as you're working towards and, steve you said earlier, as you're working towards something you may recognize. Hey, I don't like that, I don't want to do that Cool Pivot, use that feedback, but you're moving towards what you feel a great life would look like for you, and I really encourage you to dream big on that.

Speaker 1: 1:07:46

So, when I think about a vision for my life. I know that money is going to be an important part to make a lot of other things that I want to have happen happen. But I also know that I'm not prepared to sacrifice the relationships, the health in order to achieve that, which means my timeline is going to be a little bit longer to achieve the financial goal that I want. Timeline is going to be a little bit longer to achieve the financial goal that I want, but I do believe, you know, I have an idea of where I want to live, the amount of hours that I want to work, the kinds of people and the value that they bring and the value that I can give within those relationships, the countries that I want to travel to, all of these sorts of things. It's like a number of questions you could ask yourself what do I want to experience? What do I want to see? How do I want to feel? What do I want to learn?

Speaker 1: 1:08:30

Chatgpt can give you a whole heap if you get stuck there, but that will allow you to create a vision for yourself and when you read it it should be compelling. You read that and you go, oh, wow, imagine If I really achieve that. That's going to be a great life If it's not compelling. I challenge you to go back and really beef it up, because here's what happens next. We obviously need to understand that from the vision, we can now break that down into what has to happen in order to achieve that vision. We can now break that down into what has to happen in order to achieve that. We're now creating goals. Goals are the things that we need to achieve in order to get an outcome.

Speaker 1: 1:09:16

So, if you know you want to earn $100,000 a year online so that you can travel all around the world and look after your family and not stress about money, what are your options? What does that look like in your situation? You may have to change career. You may have to get a side hustle, you may have to invest. There's plenty of options. But you start asking yourself questions and creating the goal what's the plan to support that goal? What are you going to do to do that? Okay, and here we go, and every goal then stacks onto the next one. You're not going to always hit every goal, but you've got the direction.

Speaker 1: 1:09:48

Okay, I fell short on that goal. What did I learn from that experience? What can I do to get closer next time or become more efficient. Who can I bring into my team? What skills do I need to develop? These are all things that move you closer to the vision. So at times when you get deflated by the goal or the mundane work because it does become mundane, it's boring doing the same thing over and over and over again to deliver an outcome you look up and you go. This is why I'm doing it. This vision here of where my life could be in 10 years time is so flippant exciting that I'm going to get back on, you know, into grinding and doing these boring tasks consistently on a daily basis.

Speaker 1: 1:10:30

And for the person to wrap that up to your question sorry for the long-winded answer self-discovery. Firstly, just list out some experiences that you want to try, embrace those new experiences and reflect on the impact of them. What did you like, what didn't you like, et cetera. Secondly, start creating a vision for your life. What would you like it to look like? I rewind maybe three minutes and you can jot down a few questions and make it compelling. Make it super compelling that if you were to share it with a buddy, they go oh, that's awesome. And then finally start creating goals off the back of that that are going to move you closer to that. If you don't know where to start, use Google. There's plenty of courses, coaches, opportunities. We live in the information age. There is no reason why you can't achieve those things. That will give you purpose, will give you direction and, once again, once you start moving towards that, you're going to build your confidence and self-esteem as well yeah, that's awesome, lucky.

Speaker 2: 1:11:31

Let's talk about legacy. What's the legacy you want to leave?

Speaker 1: 1:11:38

it's funny, out of 12 podcast episodes I've been hosted on, I've never been asked that question. The legacy I want to leave is in through moments and experiences. I don't have an idea to leave behind generational wealth. I have the idea that I want to make people feel as good as they can possibly be when they're around me, to walk away going that was like one of the best days of my life. I want to be able to treat the people that I care about most to experiences and travel and moments that they maybe wouldn't get on their own, and to know that every single day, I'm showing up to be the best version and most fulfilled version of myself and I feel, if I can do that, the ripple effect of people in my life who watch me being as authentic as I know how to be. Hopefully it inspires them to do the same.

Speaker 1: 1:12:36

Because I've thought a lot about inheritances and stuff. Wouldn't you rather spend that with your family than just give it to them once you're dead and create those moments? Because, yeah, one of the best things I did in the COVID time was start podcasting my grandfather before he passed away and to be able to learn what he would have done differently, what he truly appreciated. None of it was about he was a farmer, but none of it was about the money or the work. It was just like the moments with his family and I never would have picked him to say that. And so if I've got people that I idolize that talk about how much money they make and all of that, it's like I understand that that's important, but it's important for a reason and I want that legacy is when you're with Lockie, you're having a fucking awesome time, like a really life-changing time.

Speaker 2: 1:13:31

Yeah, that's awesome. Can I ask you touched on earlier on in our conversation around success and what success or what you thought success was when you were in your sporting days, when you were drinking, partying girls, all those things. Right, tell me how has success changed and what's your definition of success now?

Speaker 1: 1:13:55

Success for me has changed in a big way. It used to be about the money, the fame, how people viewed me, the recognition, and I enjoy aspects of those I don't think anyone wouldn't. For me now it's more so not about the materialistic things, the things that can change or be taken away from you in an instant. It's gone back to what I value and at this point in my life I know that I'm living a successful life if health's been looked after and invested in meaning my physical and mental health. It's my most important thing and I can do that at any. I can set any goal that could prioritize that. I know that I'm looking after health, making more money, all of those sorts of things. The second is connection. I've had people come and go in my life and that happens. If you're not growing together, you're growing apart, and it's nothing against people or myself, it's just that's life. And so as long as I'm around people who challenge me, empower me and support me, and there's genuine care and value there, they're the relationships that I want.

Speaker 1: 1:15:06

The next one is freedom, and the meaning that I give freedom is freedom in finances, that I don't need to be stressed to pay bills and general things and I was talking to our crew this morning. I chose financial independence and I know what my number is in order to achieve that, where my investments and passive incomes pay for my lifestyle and that there allows that certain level of freedom. The second part of that is the flexibility to live wherever I need or define my own work hours for the, I guess, reasons that I've touched on. If I want to be a stay-at-home dad, if I want to, you know, over in the US at the moment, however, I want to live my life or wherever I want to be and experience. That was important to me. It's the reason why I haven't, you know, worked with. I've turned down so many consulting gigs and stuff because I have to be in a location. It doesn't align with that value, okay.

Speaker 1: 1:16:00

And then the final one is with my wife. It's just love and connection Sorry, love. And if I can make sure I'm doing to the best of my ability in those areas from those areas, then that to me is success and that can be changed, regardless of what the goal is. You know, for example, steve, I could in 10 years be like the man that Can project isn't fulfilling me anymore. That doesn't define me. So walking away from that doesn't mean that I'm any less of a success anymore, because I'm now looking at health, I'm looking at connection, I'm looking at the love and I'm looking at the freedom. That's what defines success for me.

Speaker 2: 1:16:41

Yeah, awesome, love that. And I love how you built on that as well and really explained it, because that's just brilliant. Now, throughout your life you've obviously had a lot of mentors, a lot of people that have kind of you know, provided sliding door moments for you, but who would you say has been your greatest teacher?

Speaker 1: 1:17:05

My wife. We started dating when I was at my worst and, for whatever reason, she stood by me. She saw something in me before I saw it in myself. So to know that we've ridden the journey to success for both together is quite incredible. And she loved me.

Speaker 1: 1:17:27

I think when you find that person who loves you unconditionally, even when you don't love yourself, it's a pretty special thing. And when I was able to watch how caring she was, how kind, how she supported me, never judged Every idea that I ever came home with, she was like awesome, I'll support you. I would not be here and I've said this countless times I would have easily have had my arm twisted and I would have been back doing the same dumb stuff that I was doing before I met Amy. To being back doing the same dumb stuff that I was doing before I met Amy, had I not been surrounded by her and her influence, and I've taken away so many things that I try to put in my own life around generosity, caring for others and being more tolerant that I never used to have. So she's been my biggest teacher, which is awesome that it's been so long now as well.

Speaker 2: 1:18:24

Yeah, on that and talking about Amy and the family, I obviously see you guys on the stories and on social media and stuff like that, and we talk about environment, we talk about connection. You guys just seem like you have such like so much fun and that you guys are there. You've kind of got this and I suppose you know for anyone listening, obviously Amy Shepard and the Shepard family and the band, but obviously you need that connection when you're travelling and when you're performing and everything like that. So they've built that and it seems like a pretty special bond that you guys have all got.

Speaker 1: 1:19:04

Yeah, it is quite unique. We meet people all around the world and that's one of the first things they say. Obviously, we've got broader families and we all get along really well. But the six of us so myself and Amy, emma and Liam, who are married, and then George and Kathleen, who are also married we spend a lot of time together. We literally got apartments next to each other here in Nashville and we're very lucky that we all have similar values. We care for each other. We're here doing this together, right, we're all trying to grow and better our lives and it's so unique, even coming from the perspective, like the life, the life that I've.

Speaker 1: 1:19:42

I've got a great family, but the closeness of the shepherd family is like a whole nother level and it's fucking awesome. In the beginning I was like kind of weird, you know cause I, I wasn't used to it, but now I'm like my best friends and my family and and to my, obviously, my mom, my, my brother and my sister, when we all and my brother's coming up here to Nashville in two weeks. So they just make we all, make everyone feel welcome, and that's, to be honest, one of the other really cool things that I learned back in 2014. So I was with Amy before Geronimo took off, for example, for those who know that song and my first thought was she's going to drop me. They got signed with Justin Bieber and Scooter Braun and I was like I'm going back to Toowoomba here, and they didn't change one bit in regards to they were never arrogant or expected anything.

Speaker 1: 1:20:35

They've continued to be extremely humble. They care about their fans. They care about all people, which has been really cool to watch, because we've obviously met a lot of people throughout the years who are famous and whatnot and they don't carry that, and so to be able to witness that and be part of that is quite cool, and it's made me also recognize that, as my brand has grown and the podcast has grown, it's like you'd never forget where you came from, and that's very cliche to say, but it's also easy not to do to give, give time to people and to make people feel valued yeah, my wife said to me last night we were out to dinner and, um, she said, oh, who are you interviewing?

Speaker 2: 1:21:15

in the morning I said, oh, locky stewart. And she goes, oh, who's locky stewart? And I said, um, uh, oh, he's married to amy shepherd. You know shepherd? Know Shepard, the band? Oh, yeah, okay, yeah, what do they sing? And I went, oh, geronimo. Anyway, we were hopping into bed last night and she goes I can't get that song out of my head. That's awesome it is catchy right. Yeah, yeah, and so is Amy's new single.

Speaker 1: 1:21:40

That's awesome, yeah, yeah and so is Amy's new single. That's awesome. It's ripping. She's doing very well over here in the US, which is awesome, Really really good, yeah, no, that's brilliant.

Speaker 2: 1:21:49

Lockie, can I ask if we fast forward and you can imagine sitting down with your 100-year-old self, what do you think he's saying?

Speaker 1: 1:22:02

Probably you did. It is like all the things that you once thought weren't possible. You put yourself in a position to achieve and you backed yourself like it I probably don't acknowledge it enough myself, but to be in a position I'm in right now where I literally run a decent-sized business and I can do that from anywhere in the world. I put myself here from countless hours of cold calling, investing in events and taking the risk when the safer option would have been staying in my trade job Not that there's nothing wrong with that, but it just didn't light me up to be in this position. So I would definitely be saying you did it, man, fucking well done.

Speaker 2: 1:22:45

Yeah, that's awesome. Now you do a bit of traveling. I want you to imagine you're obviously next flight, you're going to catch, and you can only take two books with you to read. What are they? Oh, books with you to read what are they how to win friends and influence people.

Speaker 1: 1:23:10

I reread that book so much it's not funny and I still am learning things. And I've got to get this book up because I've. It's blowing my mind that I've forgotten the name of this because I have listened to this book up, because it's blown my mind that I've forgotten the name of this because I have listened to this book no joke 150 times. It's Jim Rohn the art of exceptional living. So I always read a book or listen to a book and then I'll watch, go back to that one in between. It's a really short listen but it is so powerful the principles that you can take away from that, like it's always with me, always with me. I can't believe I forgot the name of that. Oh good, you won't next time. No, I won't, it's in my memory forever.

Speaker 2: 1:23:51

Yeah, now, lockie, people that want to connect with you, what's the best way to connect? Obviously, you've got the podcast, you've got Instagram, you've got a few different ways to connect to people. But, yeah, just run through those things.

Speaker 1: 1:24:03

I'm most active on Instagram, so Lachlan Stewart, S-T-U-A-R-T. And then just the website themandthatcanprojectcom, so you can find the podcast and everything like that over there. Just your one-stop shop.

Speaker 2: 1:24:18

Yeah, it's awesome, and obviously I'd recommend any men listening to this that want to kind of you know, feeling a little bit lost, to jump on and listen to some of those episodes. I think, um, as we record this, I think you're at about 560, heading on to 600 episodes, which is amazing. I'm in the 30s here, right, so, uh, I'm in the infancy, but, uh, it's, uh, it's a big effort, and I think longevity from a podcast perspective is, um, you know, a lot of people, you know, I think only 1%, I think it's only 1% of the podcasts in the world go past 10 episodes, right, so, you know, but to be approaching 600 episodes, that's pretty phenomenal.

Speaker 1: 1:24:59

Yeah, and once again I do it for that reason that when I look back, in 40 years, I'll have a catalog of life experiences or moments in time that I can't quite recollect, that I can reflect upon, and I think selfishly that's one of the biggest drivers behind it, but also getting to learn from people like yourself and so many other incredible people out there.