Discipline, Resilience & Life Beyond the Field | Matt Overton (1/2) #583

Join NFL player Matt Overton and Lachlan Stuart as they discuss how sports shape every aspect of life. From discipline and resilience to balancing professional and personal lives, their insights are invaluable.

• How the discipline and resilience learned in sports translate to managing priorities and achieving personal growth.
• From the NFL gridiron to real estate, highlighting the role of faith and overcoming personal struggles.

Matt:
https://www.nfl.com/players/matt-overton/stats/career

Applications are Open for the Strong Men Of Value Academy 

Intake starts July 1.

If you need help setting goals & creating a vision. Start with the Self-Discovery program

10% Discount = TMTCP
Buy Now

Breathe Better, Sleep Better - Recover Rite

Trouble sleeping? Recover Rite's mouth tape and nose strips improve your sleep by optimising your breathing. Perfect for anyone seeking a restful night.

Transcript

Speaker 2: 1:34

Welcome to the very first hybrid episode. This is going to be great. Today I'm sitting here with Matt Overton Mate. This idea came to light very quickly. Yes, we'd throw a hybrid model where I would get to introduce you to my audience and vice versa, and we've been throwing ideas around the last couple of days and we were connected through a mutual friend I've obviously. I actually heard of you a couple of days before from, uh, a podcast. My wife was on and she's like you got to connect with matt. Wow, the boys down the road at our music row hideout, and I was like all right, and then literally two days later, here, you know, here we are.

Speaker 3: 2:11

So welcome, yeah, no, welcome welcome over to the house mate. It's been. It's been really cool. I mean, honestly, it's like ryan over at the hideout had texted me a couple days, uh, prior to justin todd reaching out to me about hey man, you got to get this guy lachlan on like I keep hearing this lachlan guy's name, this australian guy that just moved here to nashville. And then justin did your your podcast, and then mac, and then Justin did your podcast, and then Mac Hereford just did your podcast. These are all people that we've done podcasts together. So I mean, we got introduced through a text. I said, hey, let's do a hybrid podcast, let's collab, let's make it happen. And we just went kind of over some ideas and spitballing over the weekend and now you're here. So thanks for coming over to the house mate.

Speaker 2: 2:53

Mate, thanks for having me, but who is Matt Overton? Can you give everyone a bit of a rundown?

Speaker 3: 2:58

Yeah, I mean Matt Overton.

Speaker 3: 3:00

I would say, first and foremost, a father of Jesus Christ, a husband, a father of two girls, a one-year-old and a three-year-old, played in the NFL for more than a decade. I'm in real estate, I host the podcast Stay Ready, the podcast right here in Nashville. So I have worn many different hats, but there's no question about my identity is solely in my faith being a husband, being a father, being a leader, being a servant and, ultimately, being the best disciple that I can be. And that's where my podcast comes into play, where I love sharing testimony. I love sharing story, the struggles, the realness, the vulnerability of everything that we go through, whether you're an artist, an athlete, a husband, a dad, a mother, whatever the case may be. I sharing those stories and, god willing if I go to another nfl team, using that platform to be a shining light and a disciple in their locker room and using that field as my ministry, um has really been the uh, the main goal, keeping everything centered, and I'm doing my best, but uh, in a nutshell, that's Matt Overton.

Speaker 2: 4:14

Dude, there's so much I want to dive into there.

Speaker 3: 4:17

Well before that, tell me, mate, who's Lachlan Stewart?

Speaker 2: 4:21

I do love that. You started with the roles that you play the father, the son and for me, I believe I'm a great husband, a great mate and a great son, and it took me a while to get to that point. And along with that, I'm a podcaster, coach, and I still consider myself an athlete, even though I'm not doing anything professionally. But currently what that looks like for me, where I've moved over to America, here in Nashville, to support my wife and her career, which is a different sort of role and not, I guess, stereotypical for the male, but it's something that I'm enjoying and it's also giving me a lot of life lessons and learning more about myself, and previously that's looked like I played rugby over in France for Rugby Union for the American audience.

Speaker 2: 5:02

I've been a builder. I've been Brisbane's best Uber driver. I've worn many hats, like yourself, which has helped me navigate to the man that I am today and I think that I'm very comfortable in who I am. I understand what it looks like to want to stand out as my unique self and I guess the goal for me is helping inspire other men to live their best life by becoming the best version of themselves in whatever that looks like, and that's sort of what's led me here.

Speaker 3: 5:27

That's awesome Well welcome to the States. How long have you been here now?

Speaker 2: 5:30

Been here since October. So what's that Six, seven months? Sure, you've been here now, been here since October. So what's that Six, seven months? Sure, we moved over. There were six of us. So my wife is in a band, she is in a band with her sister and obviously, liam, my brother-in-law, who's sitting over there, and then her brother George and his wife Kathleen. So all six of us. It's the Parchers family. It is the Brady bunch. We're here, we're in Nashville yeah, man, and it's been. You know, we've all left. I guess the partners, as we're labeled, the partners have all left behind our careers to help the band chase their dreams here in America, which has been awesome, fun so far and really loving it. That's incredible.

Speaker 3: 6:07

What we wanted to do is we wanted to break this podcast into two different sessions, essentially. So part one really want to touch in. You know you're a coach you talk about. You know discipline. You talk about struggles and sacrifice and challenging yourself. I mean, you just did 30 marathons in 30 days. Yeah, I've done that.

Speaker 2: 6:28

Is that?

Speaker 3: 6:28

a world record? Did you find that out?

Speaker 2: 6:30

It was a world record. So here's where I messed up. So Guinness World Record. For anyone who hasn't done the process, you've got to email them and and let them know the record you're going for or the record you're creating, and then they'll email back and give you guidelines. So I did that, and one guideline that I did not tick when I sent off my record was to calibrate every rower.

Speaker 3: 6:49

Okay.

Speaker 2: 6:50

And because I didn't calibrate every rower, the record didn't count. But the cool thing was I had people have broken it since and they've always tagged me as like the official guy. So it's not something I want to do again.

Speaker 3: 7:01

So you did so. A full marathon here in the States is 26 miles, right, yep? Just over a little bit more than 26 miles. So you did that every single day for 30 days, correct, yep.

Speaker 2: 7:41

Got up, went for four, four and a half hours, managed to do it. Even some of the people closest to me were like, yeah, I'll give you seven days and you're out. And to me I believed, because I understood what it took, holistically, from recovery to preparation to having the right support network. There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to do it. So, using that platform to then reach out to the community and say I want people to come along and do this with me, whether it is your first, whatever distance, you choose your distance, and whether you want to do back to back with me, let's do it and have personal breakthroughs.

Speaker 2: 8:11

Like one story that really stood out to me uh, scott townsend. He's one of the, I guess, the more mature members of our academy. You know I'm over 45, but watching him have the personal breakthrough. So he started just doing 5k a day and he did it every day with me 5k a day, then 10 kilometers a day, then did he got up to about six half marathons and then he finished with a full marathon and this was a guy who'd never rode five kilometers before. And the personal breakthroughs that he had, not only by doing that, but how it improved and boosted his confidence was something that I was like. That's why you got to do hard things. That's where you build the confidence to self-esteem. You feel like you're capable of more than you originally thought, and I'm sure you've had experiences like that as well, throughout your football career as well. Obviously, physically it's challenging, but mentally from my understanding of the NFL it's cutthroat. If you don't perform well, you can be shipped off and it's all over. So what's that been like for you navigating challenges?

Speaker 3: 9:13

I mean, you know, it's just interesting because you know you come from. You know we come from two different cultures, right, yeah, and it's just so interesting. I really want to dive into the cultural background of being born and raised in Australia, because here in America we are tuned and primed and introduced to sports at a very, very young age. It's even so, hyper-focused nowadays because you have everything is a technician it's. You have the throwing coach, you have the quarterback coaches, you have the running coaches. You have all these resources now YouTube, internet, social media, tiktoks, and so me, growing up in the 90s, the only thing we knew is like, hey, go sign up for baseball when baseball is over, go sign up for basketball. When basketball is over, go sign up for football.

Speaker 3: 10:04

I gravitated naturally to football and baseball. I grew up in a football family. My dad played in college, my grandfather played in college. My grandfather at the time was a head coach at a university. In college, my grandfather at the time was a head coach at a university. My dream was always to play in the NFL and so at the age of eight, my mom signed me up.

Speaker 3: 10:21

It was awful. It sucked, because in the heat of summer it's a hundred degrees out, you got all the pads on. You know you're sacrificing your summer for practice. You know you're not at the swimming pool, you're not riding your bike around, you're not going to the parties, parties and not just hanging out. So at a young age I had to just be, uh, just thrown into how to be structured, how to have a routine, how to sacrifice those things that you want to do for the dream of something so much bigger. You know, and again, I was eight years old and you know the NFL was, was my dream, but I didn't. You're just a young kid. You're just going through the ebbs and flows. You're doing it because your friends are doing, you're having fun. You don't take it too seriously. But I remember my first time being thrown out there. It was hot, it sucked, I didn't like doing it, it was uncomfortable. I just wanted to be at home with my friends, swimming, playing, enjoying my summer off from school, my summer off from school. But no, I was out there, I was running. My mom made sure I was there at every practice. I didn't skip. But that early discipline instilled into me is really what helped create an incredible foundation for me to grow and to achieve and actually go after my dream. Because if that foundation wasn't set early on, you know, and I didn't have the parents to push me or the role models around me, I mean that dream probably would have died pretty quickly. You know, not having that routine and that structure and that support and to really know what sacrifice and discipline was at a young age, it's really, really important. And so I mean so essentially from the age of eight years old up to now I'll be 39.

Speaker 3: 11:55

My entire life has been dedicated and focused and poured into the sport of football American football, right, and you know it. Just, you go through, you go through the youth and Pop Warner, and then you go to high school. Then you go and you try to get to college. You try to get to college and if you look at all the statistics over all the sports, it's like there's 10 million athletes that are trying to go to college, but only maybe 7% of that 10 million go to college and get a scholarship. Or out of that small percentage, only 1% gets that scholarship, only 1% gets that scholarship. And then from college to the pros, there's about, you know, there's only 257 guys drafted out of the entire country, out of 10,000 people. So that percentage is like a percent, and out of that percent you know, only half of that percent actually makes it and survives the NFL for more than two years. That's incredible.

Speaker 3: 12:52

So just the odds, keep you know going down and down and down and down and it so just the odds keep, you know, going down and down and down and down and it's like you know, you know when you're, when you're such a young kid and you don't quite understand how difficult it is to be a professional athlete just because of the statistics. A lot of things have to go your way. You got to be healthy, you got to be elite at your sport, at your position. You got to keep that drive, because one thing too of of introducing something so young to somebody, whether it's sports or some sort of trade or activity, you could get burnt out, right, yeah, and if you're so, uh, I think that was the beauty of growing up when I did in the 90s.

Speaker 3: 13:28

It was we didn't have the distractions and we didn't have the the drive to just pour everything so much into one sport where nowadays, like these kids are almost forced and fed Like they need to do the more the extra. They need to go to camps, they need to go to these coaches, and I feel like these kids just get burned out. We just did it for fun, exactly, you know. We just enjoyed it and, yeah, the good kids just kept going on, you know.

Speaker 2: 13:54

I feel like that ties into discipline as well. We think that more equals better in all aspects of life, and I feel the reason why a lot of people struggle with discipline, because if you were to zoom out at your life and write down all the things that you spend time doing you know husband, father, football player, mate, all the other things that you're doing there would be things that you're more disciplined in than others. Oh yeah, because of priority. When we then go, I want to improve my relationship, or I want to improve my income, or you know my social network we then go I need to do more, without looking at where is my time already. So we don't clear anything out, we just add. And that's why, if I look at my own life, I've always been extremely disciplined with my health. It's one thing, you know. I wanted to be a professional athlete. I then understood the value of having good health from energy and it looks after my mental health, so I've always prioritized that.

Speaker 2: 14:54

Then, when I moved from rugby into the next phase of my life, I was like I need to be successful. How do I do that? I need to put as much on my plate as humanly possible, because that's hustle culture and I started noticing other areas of my life lack discipline. I wasn't showing up for my wife or Amy, my partner at the time. I wasn't showing up for my mates. I wasn't showing up for my wife or Amy, my partner at the time. I wasn't showing up for my mates. I wasn't showing up for myself, it was just about making money.

Speaker 2: 15:18

And so I think if people are able to zoom out a little bit, they can notice I do have the ability to be disciplined. I just haven't established my priorities and I just haven't removed things from my life. And so, to tie it into your point, very similar to me, growing up I didn't have all these specific coaches. It was just like cross-country season, rugby season, cricket season, volleyball season, swimming, like you do all these different things and that was it.

Speaker 2: 15:43

Yeah, you didn't really zoom in on the, the specifics of it. I think the ability and I know justin speaks about this a lot the ability to be in different sporting environments or athletic environments develop different skills. You can start piecing it together, which makes you an overall better athlete so that when and if the opportunity presents itself to go pro or to make a career out of it it's like now, you can hone in with all the experiences and information that you've got, and I think that's why a lot of people are struggling with discipline that you've got, and I think that's why a lot of people are struggling with discipline.

Speaker 3: 16:20

Yeah, well, it's also too. It's. You know I also, when I reflect on growing up like our coaches were really hard on us at a young age, my first time trying out for American football. You know, pop Warner football was cut. I didn't make the team, so we all sat in the circle. You know we went through like a week of tryouts. All the kids came up and if your name was called, you made the team. Well, I was one of the last. You know 15 or 20 kids that didn't hear their name. So I didn't make the team.

Speaker 3: 16:44

I was devastated, I cried and I'm eight years old, right, I felt like I wasn't good enough. You know, we found another team that kind of brought on those kids that make it and I played. But I was taught at a very, very early age that life isn't fair. Just because you're out there trying doesn't mean you're good enough to be on the team, whereas now I feel like we're in such a heightened culture with these young kids that it's almost like the participation trophy right, like if they sign up they're on the team. They don't. They don't necessarily earn the team. I had to earn my spot. I had to earn my way onto that team because the kids were better than me. It was my first time trying out, so I had little experience, but I learned at a very, very good young age.

Speaker 3: 17:32

And this is, you know, when you look at over the course of my career, being cut the very first time trying out for football was one of the greatest things that ever happened to me, because that would only foreshadow what was going to happen to me in my professional career, because I would end up getting cut over and over and over again If I didn't know how to deal and handle with that letdown and disappointment early on.

Speaker 3: 18:47

Maybe when I got my first time getting cut from a team in my 20s, or whatever the case may be, I'd be so discouraged that I didn't know how to pick myself back up and just keep going. And so that's one thing that I see nowadays, where we're so afraid of hurting these kids' feelings as parents, as coaches, as teachers, whatever the case may be. And yes, there is a time and right place for tough love, but you know, at the end of the day, if we don't teach these kids how to handle adversity and handle disappointment and setbacks. Not everything is going to be fair. The world is not fair and you'll learn the hard way when you get into the real world right after college and you thought everything was good and kosher and then you get denied that job over and over and over again. And so I think for me, you know, getting that disappointment early on on top of the discipline and the structure and the routine and the sacrifice, learning what sacrifice really was, I mean that helped me tenfold moving forward.

Speaker 2: 19:56

I agree. There's a big issue with it now and we're literally robbing people of the ability to build a great life.

Speaker 2: 20:02

Yeah, because if you think about as much as in the short term, it sucks being cut from a team. I've been cut from teams. I'm sure everyone here has been cut from teams and you can make the meaning be I'm not good enough, which the reality is, you're not currently good enough. But are you going to allow that to define you and you can stay there and feel bad about it and not do anything, or do you go? What do I need to do to be good enough or to be better? Yeah, and that's what? Very similar to yourself.

Speaker 2: 20:26

I've always had that mentality and, once again, it definitely helps if you've got a great support network around you. It definitely helps if there's an opportunity to develop those skills. I understand not everyone gets that, but you still can create it wherever you're coming from. But if people try to coddle you, you know your parents try to go. Oh, it's all right, lockie. You know your parents try to go. It's all right, lockie. Now let's get you a 10th place medal, which I'm glad I never got. It's like okay, well, I'm being validated for not being good enough. Maybe I'll stay there. That's comfortable. But then you get to the real world, as you said, and it's like it's not good enough. You're not going to make the squad, you're not going to get the girl that you want, and then you'll look to blame everyone else because my whole life I've been handed it. If I've had a little tantrum or whatever, people then go.

Speaker 2: 21:10

oh, it's all right, lucky yeah, like that doesn't work and in the process, you're robbing people of self-respect. You're robbing people of self-esteem because if you've never earned anything, you don't know what it's like to truly go through that journey, where there are other peaks and there are other valleys. And that's what really makes life enjoyable, because, as I'm sure, when you got cut, it sucked, you can look back on it now and go that was one of the most I guess, one of the most pivotal moments in my life that have made you the man you are today and people are getting robbed. Or, if you're a parent, you may be robbing your children of that, and we've got to look at it once again, I guess, disassociate from it and go okay, what does my child need to learn? Or what do I need to learn from this situation or experience that is going to help me 5, 10, 15 years down the track, because I'd never learned that when I, all through school, I was a national level runner.

Speaker 2: 22:06

I did try, but I'll say I didn't put a lot of effort in. I was skateboarding, I was doing all the other sports as well and I was very lucky. And then, when I started getting dropped from sporting teams as well, I was like this isn't right. I've always not really shown up and done well. And then I started making it the meaning of I'm not good enough. And then I stopped getting, I guess, the praise from the friends or the family who'd always be like, oh well done on that and well done on this. And then you're in this area of isolation and I didn't know how to deal with it and I didn't have the tools, I didn't have the community to sort of help me navigate that. It's just like fend for yourself. And fortunately I was able to think long-term and like what do I want the next phases of my life to look like and who do I need to become? And because my mom never I guess, lack of a better word spoon fed me, she's just like fucking figure it out. I ended up figuring it out and that's why I believe the position I'm in today.

Speaker 2: 23:05

I'm very competent and I believe in my ability to get things done because I know if I don't understand it or if it is uncomfortable, I am resourceful enough or I can reach out to people to help me navigate those areas. And that's what people lack. We lack the ability to communicate. We don't have good support networks, literally basic problem, like what I would say, common sense is missing, and that all starts with that. What we've said is we're trying to make our kids or people feel confident right now.

Speaker 2: 23:36

We avoid the tough conversations, we avoid cutting people from our life because hey, no, another story my ex-girlfriend did me the best, or gave me the best life life lesson, because I'd been cheating on her and I'd done that a lot in previous relationships and I'd always find a way to manipulate and get it back and she fully cut it and then I was left going oh man, maybe I am a bit of a bit of a pick of a pick of a bloke, but that then once again forced me to go. Okay, in my next relationship. How do I want to show up? How do I need to show up to be better? And had she not done that, giving me the tough love then who knows what I'd be doing now yeah, no, that's interesting, it's.

Speaker 3: 24:16

And then talk on you know kind of your upbringing with your, with your mom. You know I I was very fortunate to have two very, very supportive parents, parents, um, they were divorced but I lived primarily with my mom. I spent a lot of time with my dad and my dad was a police officer. My mom worked multiple jobs to to support us and you know my dad would make every game. My mom would try to get home as fast as he can to get me to practice or find somebody to to take me to practice. You know whatever as I can to get me to practice or find somebody to take me to practice, you know whatever.

Speaker 3: 24:51

But this is during the age where, hey, if you had a bicycle, hop on that bike and get your butt to practice Like you can, you can, you can pedal yourself for a few miles to get there Right, and and I had to fend for myself I was the only child I'd come home, make myself dinner, get myself to practice, get my practice equipment ready, and I had to do that stuff at a very early age. But I had a lot of help around me, whether it's a neighbor, whether it was a family friend, whether it was my mom or my dad. They were always there, trying to do whatever they could at their best to make sure that I was provided for, whether it's transportation to a practice or a game, everything, but I did a lot of things independently.

Speaker 3: 25:20

I had to figure it out everything, but I did a lot of things independently. I had to figure it out, like, hey, if I don't have a ride to practice, I need to get there, I'll put the skates on, I'll ride my bike. I had to do it. I have the big bag on and I'm just huffing down the street and getting the practice. Because you don't want to be late to practice, because you don't want to run those laps, you don't want to have the extra conditioning, you know, you don't want to get scolded in front of your peers and, yeah, it's just it. Those, uh, the things that we were just kind of immersed in and surrounded by just that, that mentality of hard work and sacrifice. And figure it out Like my grandfather, who was the coach. He had a saying so simple but so profound. So what would be his response? Right, like you can, you can complain, you could moan about everything. I could have called my grandfather and I did. I cried, I was crying on the phone. I told him I got cut from that team. So what, not a big deal? How are you going to figure it out? You know, how are you going to respond from this? Obviously he had, you know, great words of wisdom for me. But you know, over as I got older and is going through middle school and high school and the pros, like so what was just so profound to me. It's like man, like at the end of the day I'm chasing out after a childhood dream.

Speaker 3: 26:36

That's a kid's game. It's not that serious. You know it's football. It's not that serious. There's video games for it. You watch it on Sunday, every weekend. We get paid very, very handsomely to play a kid's game. We're not going overseas to war. I'm not on the streets as a police officer, you know, 24-7 like my dad was. I'm not working three jobs to help support my family like my mom did for me. There's so many other things that are so much more difficult and much more pressure. I mean there's a lot of pressure that we feel as a professional athlete because the society puts the pressure on you, because they want to be entertained. You have to uphold this status. You have to uphold this identity. You have to uphold this achievement. You're put on a pedestal. You're a superhero to all these kids. You're a superhero to the city. You're a superhero to all these people who wish they could be in your shoes. But at the end of the day, it's a kid's game. You win or you lose. You go home, you go back to your family, you try again next week. It's not a big deal. Yes, people bet on games and they get all negative comments in your Instagram and Twitter because you're on their fantasy team and you messed the game up and they lost money. Who cares? Yep, whatever you'll, you'll wake up the next morning. Forget about it, right, and so I. I'd have to.

Speaker 3: 27:52

I try to have that perspective now where, for the longest time trying to chase this dream of playing in the NFL, I mean, my identity was solely laser, focused on football. I was the football player. I was going to wear that, that NFL, nfl Hamlet. I was going to have that Jersey with my name on the back. That identity was just like rooted in my soul and I couldn't let anybody tell me otherwise. But you know, through when I got to, the Indianapolis Colts was the very first team that I played for finally made made the roster. This is in 2012.

Speaker 3: 28:28

The three pillars of the Colts team was faith, family, football, in that order. Well, if you would ask me at the time, mine was football, family faith. Maybe family and faith was intertwined, but football was the priority. Like we're here to play, we're here to win, how? How is football not number one? Right, you are paying us to play football? But it was always faith, family and football. So in that, in that order.

Speaker 3: 28:53

And so my priorities were so messed up early on. Like I, again, I I sacrificed family time. I sacrificed friendships, I sacrificed going out having a good time. I sacrificed a lot because of football. Maybe didn't have the greatest relationship with my family because I moved away halfway across the country, Wasn't always on, you know, in communication with them all the time. I mean, they still loved me and supported me. We talked quite a bit but it wasn't as rich and, as you know, I wasn't always, you know, seeking to have that connection with my family because I was out doing my thing, I was finally living my dream Right, and that that played a major role in relationships, you know, down the road, um, when it started, the dating and all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 3: 29:36

But, uh, you know, football was the precedent for the longest time and it took me until I got cut a few times and get knocked to my butt that. Football doesn't care about me, the NFL doesn't care about me. I'm. I am just a number, I'm just a face, I'm just a name. It doesn't matter how good you are, you are just. You are just an, a person. You're a piece of meat and you can be replaced in an instant.

Speaker 3: 30:01

And so when I got cut and got thrown back onto the streets, I was like man, my priorities are messed up, man, because now I'm not the football player anymore. I don't have that identity anymore. It needs to be faith, it needs to be family, it needs to be. Then football's like on the back end. You know what I'm saying. So it took me a long time to prioritize that kind of stuff, because I think when we are chasing a dream or chasing something to achieve you mentioned priorities at the very beginning a lot of important things go on the wayside relationships, friendships. Maybe I'm going to go to the gym before I go to work because I need to train first before I go clock in at work. But, man, when you can take a step back and, like you said, just really look at your life from a different perspective, a higher point of view, and see where you are pouring your energy at and at times. I believe that it's important to pour a certain energy in things, because you have to.

Speaker 2: 31:00

I was going to say that Do you feel you would have been as successful in your career had you not have no that obsessed with it? No, you.

Speaker 3: 31:08

I think you have to have a level of being obsessed with your friends. Yeah, uh, all the greats are obsessed. Yep, uh. Now is there a healthy obsession versus a toxic and negative obsession? I believe so. I mean, you could run yourself into a wall without even knowing it. You can just deplete everything. You can burn bridges, you can step on people just to get what you were at, and I don't.

Speaker 3: 31:33

You know, I've seen it done. I know a lot of people have probably done it. A lot of our childhood heroes have probably done it. They'll cut the next guy just to get ahead of them. You know, and you know. I believe in integrity. I believe in having a healthy balance. You could be obsessed, but you can do it in the right way, you know. And so, yeah, if I, if I would have not have been as obsessed and constantly daydreaming and dreaming and thinking about football, no, I don't think I would have ever gone to have the career that I've had. But to keep that career afloat and to have longevity in the NFL, when the average is only two years now I've made it a decade plus I had to, I had to be obsessed, I had to care, but I had to have the right balance where football wasn't everything to me, do you think?

Speaker 2: 32:27

the way I think about it is, I believe you have to go all in on stuff, especially in the beginning. It's like a bell curve, like in the beginning. It's just straight up. All your attention and focus has to be on it, because you're you know what you lack in skill, you're giving in time and it doesn't matter whether it's relationship. You think about the start of your relationship. You think the start of a business or a career. It's like I need to figure this out or I'm screwed Same with the thing that you want. But over time you build reputation, you create leverage, you become more efficient, so you can start looking at the other things Absolutely.

Speaker 2: 33:04

I believe one of the biggest challenges and I'm probably part of the problem with it is I talk about balance a lot for people, and I've tried to live a more balanced life since I've been here. But I've also noticed results in specific areas have dwindled, and I believe that's because I haven't given the process the respect that it needs, because I'm like oh, I've got this, this is fine, but I'm also disrespecting the people who've made progress and done well in certain areas. So what I then need to look at is okay, what's really important to me. And going back to the greats, have been super obsessed, and maybe there is a point where you're too obsessed. Elon Musk his quality of life I wouldn't want, but if you asked Elon, he's living his dream and I'm very focused on helping men, or people in general, decide what that looks like for them, because we have been sold the narrative. It's like go to school, either play football or go to college and house kids, retire, sort of thing. That's the thing. And so many people are unhappy. Suicide's at an all-time high, divorces are at an all-time high and I'm speaking from Australia yeah, probably so. Maybe similar and loneliness epidemic is at an all-time high. So clearly something's not working.

Speaker 2: 34:21

And if I were to look at it through the lens of if I'm to change how I feel in the situation and and the people listening, if they're to change their situation, it falls back on you. Therefore, you need to think about what you want your life to look like and, once again, no one really knows. We have an idea of what we think, you know, but it's not till we're on our deathbed. We can look back and go. I nailed it, it or I messed up, but the way that we get a more clear picture is by having these new experiences, embracing new experiences, reflecting on the impact of them. Is it something that I'm enjoying or is it not? Is this person adding value to my life or are they not? Is football still valuable to me at this point, or is it not, and then we just allow ourselves to make decisions? Me at this point, or is it not, and then we just allow ourselves to make decisions? I think too many people are giving away their power and they're listening to me or anyone, and they're like I, like the idea I want to do that they're not taking responsibility for what they want and how their life then develops.

Speaker 2: 35:18

So, going back to the segue of that bell curve, if you know that football is important or for me it's like I still love training like a beast. I love it and challenging myself. That's a priority. My relationship also a priority. Making money and growing my business priority, and over the years I've become more efficient at it, which now creates leverage in time and efficiency. So I can go, I can manage these three things and do them pretty well where it's not absolutely destroying my marriage. It's not always perfect, as you said. Sometimes I have to hone in on the business or other times. I'm really going to dial in on fitness for the next probably 12 months, and then I know the consequences of that. And if you're aware of the consequences of your actions, you can then have a look at it to go. What do I need to do here to best preserve what I've got?

Speaker 2: 36:09

Meaning, you know, um, when I did the marathon rose, I made sure that it wasn't going to impact my relationship. I knew amy was traveling for a month, so I was like that's the perfect month for me to do it, because she's not going to be sitting at home going, man, you're cooked're cooked all day right, or you're rowing. So I looked at all the things that were important and understood how or the impact of what I was currently focused on was going to do that, and it then just made me feel a lot more confident in what I was doing. And I knew that I had the conversations with the people that mattered most. I knew I could go all in on the things that I was trying to achieve. And I knew because, once again, even for the marathons, I wasn't worried because I've been training since I was, like you know, eight years old, like in various things, so I understand my body well.

Speaker 2: 36:56

I have done plenty of other challenges in the buildup, so it wasn't just couched to doing that. And I think a lot of people are living their life through. We have never thought for ourselves. We're just following a thing and I'm not really enjoying it. But I'm too scared to start trying different things, because what if it's wrong? What if I fail? What if people judge me? It's like it's going to happen anyway. So might as well start deciding what you want and understand that when you decide on the thing that you're going to give your all to if it is sorting yourself out financially or, you know, being the best husband you can be or best wife that you could be, or it's going to take time you have to go all in in the beginning. But your goal then is how do I become more efficient so I can then give time to other areas of my life?

Speaker 3: 37:40

Yeah, I mean, failure is the best thing that you can ever endure and experience, because that's what makes the success that much more greater. And if it wasn't for failures, we really never, really would achieve anything. Right, you'd be very. You just live in a life of contentment, where it's comfortable. You're content, you're just just floating along in life, right, there's nobody poking you, prodding you, challenging you. You're not challenging yourself. And so I think the greatest thing too and now that I'm a parent of two and we talked about participation trophies my daughter just had her first dance recital. They got a certificate, she got a trophy and that's great.

Speaker 3: 38:22

But in soccer, she just finished her first season in soccer. She's only three years old, got a medal, all that kind of stuff, and I think that stuff is cool. It shows that she's she's acknowledged, yeah, she's been seen, she's part of a team, she made new friends, she did something that she I mean she just went out there for an hour and ran around. She didn't know what a goal was, she didn't know that she couldn't use her hands. I mean, she, we just threw went out there for an hour and ran around. She didn't know what a goal was, she didn't know that she couldn't use her hands. I mean, we just threw her out there and let her go and let her learn on her own, and so I was so proud of her. But I think there's a time and place where you start creating those boundaries to where we talked about. You know the challenges and life isn't fair and you have to earn certain things. And if you really want it, like if you really want to play that soccer next year, true, we're going to practice for it. You're not just going to show up on day one and expect to be good and expect to make that team, and so I think there comes.

Speaker 3: 39:15

I don't know where that is, I don't know what, what age that is, but I have to imagine it's pretty soon to where you know, letting her fall, letting her fail, letting her, you know, hear something nasty be said to. I mean, we live in a day and age where things are said on the internet. Things are, I mean they're just soaking up everything around them, no matter what. It is Right and it's, it's scary at at some point. But also it kind of my wife and I have to remind ourselves like we can't be the helicopter parents all the time, like let them go out, let them scrape their knees, let them get in trouble, let them climb the fences, let them hop the. You know, you know, just get it. Let it. Let them experience like again within boundaries.

Speaker 3: 39:58

Right, I'm not saying go on crazy, but I mean I just remember being a kid where I obviously knew what was right and what was wrong, but I would always push the boundary. I mean, I would always do something to where the cops were called and I was running from the cops, trying to hide. I was always, I would always get caught, cause I was the, I was the slow, pudgy kid who had no self-awareness and didn't know how to hide, you know, and I was get caught. But I mean it was those moments where, like I had to, I had to push the boundary at some point. You know I was, I had good friends, I had good people around me. I was never a troublemaker per se where I was really putting my life or somebody else's life in danger, but I would always, it would, it would, I would, I would tow that line, you know, and my parents would let me. All right, if you want to tow that line, you're going to find out, right, I'm not just going to ground you, but you know you're you. You may end up in jail. You may lose a scholarship opportunity. If you keep drinking like that, you're going to you need to kick off the team. If you keep showing up to practice hungover like that, I mean you may not start, no more. Is that the person you really want to be? And so I mean I still remember in high school I had a drinking problem. I drank a lot and I sacrificed after the game Friday and Saturday night. That's what I always looked forward to Drinking drinking as much as I can Get home safely and thank God we did. But I was the guy that would be proud of. Yeah, man, I got super smashed over the weekend.

Speaker 3: 41:37

What do you feel that is? I think it's just. It's a social thing where you are just, you want to fit in. You want to be the cool kid on campus. You want to be respected. You mean, when you're in high school and college, like if you can hang with everybody while you can, you can throw them down with the best of them, you can be a good time and be a fun person to be around. I think that's just kind of how we are introduced on how to fit in social, socially and culturally within the united states.

Speaker 3: 42:08

You know, colleges is a time to experiment and um party and have fun, but at the, at the expense of what we were. I don't think we've ever really been taught at the expense of what. Yeah, you know I'm saying like you hear the horror stories, you hear the guys that get in accidents. They kill somebody in a DUI accident, they get arrested. But you know, I don't think really taught the repercussions that the decisions and choices we make at such a young age, how it really can affect the future of our life. You know what I'm saying. And so I think the world wants to tell you to go out and have fun, be you, experiment, whatever, but we're never taught what that really means and what the repercussions of that are. And so I think for me, you know, when I got a little taste of discipline and getting in trouble, I didn't like that feeling. So my dream was always my dream of the NFL I would start shying away from the drinking I mean not to say I didn't partake in it, but maybe not as much as I once did. And I'll never forget a conversation I had with my dad.

Speaker 3: 43:23

I was my senior year in high school. I'm hungover in bed. It's it's noon on a Saturday. You know I had just come off a long bender the night before with all my buddies. My mom's upset. She knows I'm hungover, she knows I'm just reek of alcohol. My dad work. My dad's a police officer now right. So I know like hey, don't let dad find out. Yeah, he, he calls me and he's like listen, son, do you want to?

Speaker 3: 43:50

Do you want to feel the exhilaration of being high with your smoking, dope or drinking? Do you want to feel that high? Or do you want to feel the high of making that big sack in a football game? Or making that touchdown or winning the game? Would you rather have that high or the high of being sick in bed? Is it worth being sick in bed all day long? Just setting yourself back a few more days. You're not going to feel normal until Wednesday. You're not going to feel normal until Thursday.

Speaker 3: 44:19

Great point If your dream is the NFL. Do you want to feel the high of the success on the field and doing good off the field, or do you want to feel this nasty high? That's very temporary. It's good in the moment, but you pay for it tenfold after the fact, and I'll never forget that conversation that he had with me as I'm laying in bed hungover, you're right, I don't like how I feel right now.

Speaker 3: 44:38

I feel ashamed. I'm laying in bed hungover, like you're right, like I don't like how I feel right now. I feel ashamed, I'm embarrassed. I don't even know what I did the night before to embarrass myself and my friends. Right, it's like and this is before social media, you know what I'm saying Everyone now has a phone and a camera. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Tough time growing up, so I just always kind of so when I got into college, I was like you know what? I'm not going to drink tonight. Boys, I'll have fun with you, but I'm not going to drink. And that's kind of where I'm not a big drinker at all. Today, like, I don't like the way it tastes. I don't like the way I feel, I feel guilty doing it. I don't like setting myself back. I don't like being sluggish. Sir, I'm not signing up for that.

Speaker 3: 45:22

So again that goes back to the discipline, and it's all phases of life. There's different disciplines that you have to instill into your life to achieve something, whether it's being a better parent or a better husband. There's sacrifices to be made on that end. Whether it's football, whether it's training. There's so many different things and discipline is rooted into all of it. And again you shy away from certain things to fill a bucket more on one end, and maybe this bucket over here is not as full, and it's all about balance. But I think for me now you know, it's really my priority is my faith and my family, my wife and my girls being a being, a husband and parent, and the ebbs and flows of what that looks like. But then also, to kind of touch on what you said, is football really important to me? Do I love football? Yes, is it everything that it once was? No, and I think that's a healthy relationship now that I have with football. My desire is to play. But if I don't play, am I going to be ashamed of not playing again? No, I'll be happy. I fulfilled a childhood dream. I got to the pinnacle. I got to. You know, if I would have told my eight-year-old self or my 10-year-old self hey, man, you'll play 10 years in the NFL. I would have never believed you, you know, and I would have been. I would have been happy with just one year in the NFL, or or just making one being in a camp with the team wearing that helmet for one time. You know what I'm saying. And so for now, I think the balance for me is so important, especially because I want to be a great role model for my girls, but I also want to be a very present husband too, you know, and I want. They sacrifice a lot and we can touch on relationships and community. On part two more. But the family dynamic really is a sacrifice when it comes to professional sports, because the season's long, you move to another city, the schedule is very demanding, I have to be very focused most of the week, and my wife and my girls pay for that, you know. Yes, I, I afford them the luxury and and in the experience of that, and I get to share that with them, but that doesn't mean that I'm always the best husband and the best dad during that time too, right? So, man, this it's. My wife can share her story, but she, yeah, she feels like she's on the back burner during the season because it's all about football, you know, and so it's. Yeah, it's just a crazy roller coaster of how this whole professional sports thing goes and the disciplines and the sacrifices and the challenges, because challenging ourself is is so important and funny little story, like I just did.

Speaker 3: 47:56

Uh, I went to Justin's gym the other day, right, and I'm just sitting there and not warmed up. He's like hey, man, you want to do the Athlos challenge of the month? I'm like what is it? He's like all right, you got to burn 50 calories on a Dyna bike as fast as you can. I'm like all right, what's the record? Ah, somebody's got like 34, 35 seconds. I'm like all right, well, I'm not going to turn down a challenge, right, so I get on the bike and I'm not kidding you, man, that I hit 34, just just under 35 seconds, right, I burned 50 calories in the bike. That was the worst 35 seconds that I had put myself through in most recent memory, right, it's one of those things where you get off the bike, you want to throw up. You feel like you're going to out. You're just drained, like that was a bar fight, haymaker after haymaker, for 35 seconds. I was in that ring, I was in that arena for 35 seconds. It sucked but I walked away with like gosh dang. I feel crappy right now but I'm so glad that I did that. You know I'm saying it's and they go.

Speaker 3: 48:57

You can apply that to so many different things, like whether it's a marathon, whether it's just going for your first run and maybe you just run a quarter mile, yeah, maybe just run one lap. The exhilaration and the. You just feel so proud of yourself for even stepping, making that first step, of just challenging yourself. It's not. It's not a big. It may be a big mountain for people to climb at first, but that big mountain becomes small, it becomes a hill and you're like all right, I'm gonna run two laps this time. It's same with with your buddy that did the marathon stuff with you, like he hadn't ran for a long time. He did a 3k first, did a 5k, then he did 10k. It's like those little stacks and those little victories over time are just so great for all humans, all men.

Speaker 3: 49:41

To just be challenged at something takes you out of your comfort zone, it pushes you to a new level that you never thought you could get to and it's just. It's so incredibly important, as you as a coach, as me as a dad, to instill these things into people and teach them that they are so much more than what they think they can be. You know what I'm saying, and whether it's a physical achievement, whether it's I don't know what, it is challenging yourself in a class at school that you never thought you could pass. Reading a book that was a big one for me originally. Seriously, yeah, I mean reading a book.

Speaker 3: 50:16

When's the last time we actually just sat down and just read a book from cover to cover, with not like getting distracted by anything and just soaking up the information, daydreaming a little bit as you're reading, like there's so many great achievements that we just don't even tap into anymore because we're just we're. We're kind of groomed and we're kind of pushing this in society right now just to be comfortable, man, be, be comfortable. Stay in your lane, don't step on anybody's feet. Stay in your lane, don't step on anybody's feet, you know. Don't ruffle any feathers, don't upset anybody. Like it's just, it's it's, it's almost like diminished. What manhood is supposed to?

Speaker 2: 50:51

be, yeah, striving for comfort, and that's exactly where we end up. You know we everyone achieves what they want and that's why they have. Uh, whether you want to look at it as mediocre, where people aren't happy, because most people aren't, if you look at a lot of the research, it's because we grow up going. Okay, my idea of success is a comfortable relationship, a comfortable job, a comfortable, you know, case of living, and that's what most people are doing. So then when there's opportunity to excel, it's like nah, pretty good or what, as we've touched on, it's like scary and all that sort of stuff. But we can dive into that in section two yeah, that's, that's perfect segue, man.

Speaker 3: 51:27

So I guess, stay tuned for part two, man, we'll change our shirt, we'll be right back thank you guys.

Speaker 2: 51:33

Be sure to tune in next week for part two of this incredible chat with matt. We dive into so much more in the second segment. If you loved what you heard in this first segment, make sure you share it on social media Tag myself at Lachlan Stewart and Matt and we will love to have a chat and can't wait to share part two of this chat next week on the man that Can Projects podcast.