Vulnerability, Community, and Leadership | Matt Overton (2/2) #585

How do you build meaningful connections in a world that often celebrates superficial relationships? Join us as Lachlan Stuart opens up about his transformation from a reserved upbringing to discovering the profound value of community and deep relationships. Through his heartfelt journey from a less emotionally expressive family to connecting with his wife’s close-knit circle, Lachlan reveals the challenges and rewards of stepping out of one's comfort zone to forge genuine bonds.

As we navigate the complexities of parenting and relationship building, we discuss the importance of vulnerability. Lachlan shares his experiences grappling with the fear of divorce and how self-reflection and community support among men have been pivotal in his journey. The pressures of being a role model and maintaining high standards are candidly examined, shedding light on the necessity of trust and support within both family and community contexts.

Authenticity takes center stage as we explore Lachlan's evolution as a coach and leader. From morning routines to lifestyle choices, he stresses the importance of integrity and self-care in maintaining balance and building a strong community. By embracing vulnerability and honest communication, Lachlan demonstrates how leaders can foster trust and deeper connections. Tune in to uncover how these principles can transform not just personal relationships but also professional environments, creating a more connected and supportive world.

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Transcript

Speaker 2: 1:34

Hey guys, welcome back to part two of the collaboration with Lachlan Stewart here and man. Part one was great. I really love touching on the discipline aspect, what it means to be challenged, what it means to just face adversity and fight through challenges to achieve something greater. And part two, I really wanted to talk about community and relationships. I think this is something that is way more important to talk about, because the social norm here in America and I want you to touch on kind of what your upbringing was like, what it meant to be vulnerable, what it meant what community and team and relationships look like for you meant to be vulnerable, what it meant what community and team and relationships look like for you.

Speaker 2: 2:16

Um, but here in America, I mean, everything is essentially team. The team aspect is really, really important. I mean, you're, you're, whether you're playing baseball at a young age or or soccer, or football, or basketball everything is team oriented. But outside of that, it's like well, how do I create great relationships, how do I find community outside of my sport? What does sport provide you in the sense of? I mean, there's a lot of individual sports that you can do and partake in, but the team aspect is just so vital, and I think when you're immersed in the team atmosphere at such a young age, it really shows you the importance of what a team really means, because a team can't thrive and succeed by one person. Right, it's a, it's a collective, um, it's a collective thing to achieve something greater. So you need the man to the right and left to you, right, you need, you need that other, that other girl over there on your team to to get to where you want to, to get to, whether it's the best team, the championship, whatever it is.

Speaker 2: 3:20

You have to understand and realize that you can't do that sport alone. A and also, more importantly, you can't live life alone. And if you decide to go on your own path, you're going to find out pretty quickly that A it's draining. You're not going to succeed as far as path, you're going to find out pretty quickly that it's draining. You're not going to succeed as far as you thought you could get to, um, and I think you're just going to live a life of just emptiness because you're not sharing the journey with anybody. You're not, you don't have anybody to lean on when things don't go right, when adversity strikes, and so for you. How important was the team aspect, the community, whether that's family, the family, dynamic, friendships, and then we'll get into relationships more intimately with girlfriends, spouses, wives, and just how important and how that shaped your life to this point point.

Speaker 3: 4:20

It's a definitely a great topic to to dive into. For me I, I guess to your point. As I've gotten older I've really recognized the importance of it. At a young age I didn't come from a super tight-knit family and there's nothing. I don't want to speak poorly about my upbringing. It was just different. So when I met my now wife or my previous partner and their family like always was together and stuff, I was like that's quite weird and then I recognized my upbringing was a little bit different.

Speaker 3: 4:43

You know my dad was doing what he did best to provide and show his former love. He was working all the time, so the only time I really got to spend with him was when I was playing football on a Saturday, or he'd drive me to training and that was it and it was more. You know, we didn't have the depth of conversation and I got my love from him when I performed well, so that's hence why I guess pursued that. And then same with my mum's, you know, looking after the household, raising three. You know, has three kids and dad's away at work. So it it would have been extremely tough on her, but it was very the I guess outpouring of love was not there. It wasn't like we'd always say love you and all of that sort of stuff. That's only just started happening. Probably in the last two years.

Speaker 3: 5:26

For me is my wife's been like it's kind of weird, you don't do that man, like come on, get on that. And because of that I was very insular and I was very, I was comfortable by myself and, to your point, like it's not a fun way to live. I was. I'd always pried myself on being able to do things by myself and it's like cool, who are you going to share your success with? Who do you get to? What memories do you have to talk about with people around a campfire? And I didn't have much of that. So as I've gotten older, I've really started prioritizing that and, as someone who would say, you know, I'd say I'm introverted, meaning I energize by being by myself, and I used to allow that to make me believe that I shouldn't be hanging around people all the time. I need to be by myself, that's what I need. And then I was like all right, well, that's just now. It made me socially anxious. So when I'd go to big events or and we do a lot of that with my wife's profession I was always like really anxious and uncomfortable. So it was just a skill that I had to develop. I had to learn to feel comfortable in social settings and a lot of that was a reflection on the relationship that I had with myself.

Speaker 3: 6:32

I didn't value myself, I didn't feel like I had much to offer and because of that I didn't want to be talking to people. I didn't want to I guess, quote unquote be exposed, and for a long period I had sport to fall back on, and when that briefly touched on this before, when I finished that it's like now I'm a builder, I'm an uber driver, all things that I didn't give credit to because I was like that's not, that's not success, and I was ashamed of myself and embarrassed and because of that I didn't want to stand out. I didn't want people to really get to know me and I didn't want to know myself. And obviously, going back to that point, it was about 2014, when that last um girlfriend broke up with me, that I recognized that I had to improve who I was in order to improve everything else in my life. And ever since then, I've slowly been, I guess, knocking down walls and building better relationships with my parents. You know, I think it was only in 2019 was the first time I've actively or intentionally said love you to my dad and I. Even just since I've moved to America, when I go home, it's like we just hug each other now.

Speaker 3: 7:42

Before that it was like real weird and uncomfortable, and so having those small milestones or breakthroughs for me has been amazing, and now it's the same with my relationships, with my buddies, and so, rather than talking about football and sports. It's like how's your family? How are you actually going? How's your career? What are you struggling with?

Speaker 3: 8:01

And the depth of those relationships in turn has improved my life, because sometimes I can offer advice or sometimes I do have to call my buddies up and, you know, need a shoulder to to lean on and I think for a long period of my life I was running solo and fuck, it was a uh tough time.

Speaker 3: 8:14

You know you don't shoulder to lean on and I think for a long period of my life I was running solo and fuck, it was a tough time. You know you don't want to be the bloke who asks for help when the whole time you've been growing up. That's like a weak thing to do. And so breaking down those walls and allowing and my wife's a massive been a massive role model or encourager in me becoming more vulnerable and talking about my struggles and improving the relationships that I have and I'm I'm nowhere near where I feel I can be and will be, but it's a process and it's my journey and I'm figuring that one out no, that's awesome, I know, when I reflect on my childhood, because I spent a lot of time alone.

Speaker 2: 8:52

I was the only child, uh, single households. So you know I dep reflect on my childhood, cause I spent a lot of time alone. I was the only child, uh, single households. So you know I depended on myself to do a lot on my own and over time I got very, very comfortable, comfortable and confident in my independence Right, and for the longest time I was like man I'll. I have no worries about leaving the home. I have no worries about going to college out of state. I had no worries about meeting new friends, like I could do this on my own Right, and I think, growing up in this world, that that's the masculine type of attitude that I have.

Speaker 2: 9:21

Like I can. I can conquer this. I can do it. I don't need help. I can carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I don't need to be vulnerable. I can't show weakness, and that's within football too. Like I mean, there was a lot, I think, uh, the era of football that I grew up into is like don't show weakness, don't show the opponent that you're suffering, don't show.

Speaker 2: 9:39

you know, don't be vulnerable. You know, with your don't, don't cry. You know, don't cry if you lose. And I was a very emotional player and it took a long time for me to kind of hone in that emotion and and kind of secrete it a little bit and, just like you know, just push it down to where I mean, if I was striking out or if I had, if we lost the game, I was the kid crying because I was so passionate about the game right, nothing wrong with it but I let my emotion get the best of me at some point I would throw my helmet, you know, if I made a bad play, if I had a helmet.

Speaker 2: 10:17

I would have thrown it too, oh yeah, and so for the longest time, I think the domino effect of that mentality, um, it played a major role in my relationships with either who I was dating at the time, Um, or even with my wife, like it just. It took a long time for me to set aside that independent mindset and become more vulnerable, take accountability for things that I have failed at and talk about it and speak to that, and you know the the layers for me really got peeled back when I found a men's group that I could be a part of and share real life stories and realize struggles.

Speaker 2: 10:44

And the beauty of being here in Nashville is I'm immersed around and same with you and your wife, like you're, just you're. You're around and surrounded with, uh, incredible talents, whether it's an athlete, musician, songwriter, producer, whatever the case may be. And I'm sitting in the room with people that I don't know and they're sharing the struggles of music, how daunting of a career that is, and they're sharing their struggles not getting the number ones, not getting the cuts, not getting the tours, not getting the record labels, and I can relate to that. I think there's a lot of parallels with sport and the music, because the two different career paths, two different talents, but it really you kind of live the same.

Speaker 3: 11:26

Chasing a dream. Chasing a dream.

Speaker 2: 11:28

But you live, you face those downfalls and those obstacles all the time. And so to be in those vulnerable states and those vulnerable environments where you can either internalize a lot of things that people are saying to you and you can reflect on things that you struggle with. Sometimes you voice the things that you're struggling with and you can all relate because, like I said before, you can't live life alone and everybody is going through something. It may be a little different, maybe very, very similar, whether it's a breakup, whether it's just marital issues, whether it's just you know you have, you live a life of sin and you're doing things that you know you shouldn't be doing, and a lot of those things we internalize and we keep safe to our hearts because we don't want to share. You know the things that we're doing behind closed doors because we don't want to share. You know the things that we're doing behind closed doors and it's like when you bro out with the dudes that you can trust. It's like dude, you have to say I'm struggling with that too, man. Like it's whether it's pornography, whether it's just sexual sin, whether it mean.

Speaker 2: 12:27

Everybody has faced that struggle at some point and maybe you're living the same struggle simultaneously with somebody, and that's where community really really comes into play. Yes, we've been. We've been a well-versed with the team atmosphere, right. But even if you look at all the teams you've been on, how well did you really know your teammates? You know what I'm saying. How, how close did you guys really really get? Like, yeah, I know your number, I know your position, I know you're from, I know what school you went to, I know your skills, I know what you're not the greatest at, but that's just all surface level stuff, right, it's like you walk away from that team and maybe you were on a championship team where, like, that is a memory you will never forget, but you never really knew your teammates, you know. And so when we actually start talking about that and talking about the importance of community and talking about the importance of being vulnerable as men in this day and age, uh, where everybody's just putting the mask on, everyone's hiding behind closed doors and they're, they're so afraid of what people will think of the baggage that they're carrying along with them, uh, and you carry that baggage into a relationship and into a marriage and you never unpack that stuff. It becomes incredibly detrimental to that relationship, you know. And so I think it's incredible that your, your girlfriend, is like such an encourager on like sharing emotions and not being afraid to like open up about certain things, because there have been times in my marriage where I'm just so afraid to tell Brie of what I'm struggling with because of I know it's going to upset her, I know it's going to uh put a blemish on a marriage. I know it's going to uh maybe create some tension for the time being. But man, like it only makes, if you and your spouse or your wife and girlfriend on the same page and really want to support and love each other through those storms and through those struggles, it only makes it so much better, you know, and then you can start trusting each other a lot more, and then that even trickles into parenting, and that's the phase that we're in too.

Speaker 2: 14:34

I want to be open and vulnerable to to my kids. You know I, you know I. I feel like my dad and I, my mom and I, we've always been very, very close. But you know, like my dad was the authoritarian police officer I how dare I don't want to tell my dad about my drinking problem. He deals with this on a daily basis. He puts drunks in jail all the time.

Speaker 2: 14:56

You know I'm saying I, but it's. It's just like it, man, loving on your parents, loving on your friends, loving on your girlfriend and spouse. It's, it's loving on your children. It's so, so important, because I want my marriage to reflect in a positive light for my girls to see what a, what a a healthy man is. Well, yeah, what a husband looks like, what a, what a wife looks like, what a healthy marriage looks like. I mean, that's our. Our children just soak up everything that they're around. You know, and I was, so I think I had so many reservations about committing to a relationship because I didn't want, I didn't want to go through a divorce like my parents did.

Speaker 2: 15:36

You know what I'm saying and that that was a burden that I carried with me for a long time, you know, and I, it was a fear that I had and I think with Bree and I we went through a dating phase. We went through a phase of not being together and then we came back together full circle moment. But it took me a lot of it. I had to do with self-reflection in that time period where we weren't together. I had to learn things the hard way. I had to learn how to be vulnerable and accountable for my actions and my emotions.

Speaker 2: 16:05

Um, and putting that fear aside, like that divorce thing, like it happens, it's running rampant in in the world. Now it's it's very common where I think couples just completely give up and the easy exit out is divorce. Let's wipe the slate clean and let's move on. Let's not try to salvage what we can, but the only people. That if it hurts, it hurts the couple in the long term and it hurts the kids if they're involved. And so I had to put that fear aside, like, hey, yeah, divorce is out there, it's, it's very apparent, it happens all the time, but that's not going to be me.

Speaker 3: 16:44

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 16:44

I'm going to make sure that that doesn't happen. You know what I'm saying, and so. But being involved with a community of men, whether it's a few guys or group of 50, like I'm in every Wednesday, that's awesome.

Speaker 2: 16:55

Like, just it's so important to be a part of that community where you can trust those individuals. It's a safe place to share baggage and struggle and sin, and and just you have to have people that you can lean on it. And whether it's hey man, I'm not doing too good today, let's just talk through it. You know, hey man, I'm, I'm really doing too good today, let's just talk through it. You know, hey man, I'm, I'm really tempted right now. Help me, help me fight this temptation. You know, and it's, it's really it's not talked about enough. I know it's becoming more of a trendy thing, but we don't want it just to be trendy, we want it to be important.

Speaker 2: 17:29

A standard of life. Standard of life you know so for you in coaching. When you talk about these groups that you're involved with, like how important is I mean, how much pressure do you put on yourself as a coach Because I have to imagine that, like I mean for me as a role model to young guys. Like I always feel like I have to. I have to be elite every day. I have to be great on the field, in practice and in drills. I have to set the standard on the field, in practice and in drills. I have to set the standard.

Speaker 3: 18:48

But there's days where I come out there and I'm just like I'm drained.

Speaker 2: 18:50

Yeah, I'm struggling. I'm not at my best, you know, I have stuff going at home that's just wearing me out. You know, like, how does that make you feel, as is really putting that title boldly across your chest? Yep, as leader, as mentor, I mean, what is that like for you?

Speaker 1: 19:09

Yeah, so every 30 minutes, okay screen is like I don't know if it was recording or not. The audio doesn't see all that, but I just wanted to not yeah, just hit record.

Speaker 2: 19:43

Yeah, good, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 19:47

Just hit record. Yeah, good, it turned up in the content now. Okay, that was only, it was one time Okay.

Speaker 2: 19:59

All good, this could all be edited, yeah.

Speaker 3: 20:01

It's good. Yeah, three, two, one, cool, yeah. So I guess, for myself as a coach, in the beginning I put a lot of pressure on myself to need to always be showing up and practicing what I preach. But I think, what I've learned over the years and you know, I've worked with professional athletes, billionaires you know people from all walks of life who are crushing it, and if for them to be able to have down days, I accepted that I'm going to have down days as well.

Speaker 3: 20:33

And the most important thing, like you were saying before, is like integrity is important to me and honesty is important to me. So if I have something that's extremely important and I don't feel like I'm up to it, I'll do my best and I'll do whatever I can to get in the right mindset or bring the energy, and if, for whatever reason, I can't do it, I'm just gonna be honest and maybe we'll reschedule or whatever. But you always fall to the level of your standards, and so every time you're in a position where you don't feel up to it, this is where you get to improve your standards. You get to push the boundaries, as we were talking about in the initial part, and so, knowing the kind of life that I want to live and knowing the man that I aspire to be and, as I've said, I'm not there yet. I'm still a work in progress. There's so much stuff that I need to work on. Like one thing that's it's still probably front of mind for me at the moment is is my emotional awareness on onay like I was pretty run down and stressed.

Speaker 3: 21:32

And amy like amy and I speak about it a lot. So she's like let's go for a walk, because you're in a shit of a mood and I. I hold it in a lot of the time. I'm pretty good at speaking, but there are moments where I'll just shut, shut in and I'll shut down and because we've been together for long enough and spoken about it, she's like let's go for a walk. And that helped me get out of that funk.

Speaker 3: 21:52

And so, whether it's my professional life, I know triggers and I know it's why I prioritize health, it's why I prioritize my morning routine, where I always consume some motivating or insightful content, and I exercise every day and aim to eat well and sleep well. If I do those things, I know that I'm giving myself the best opportunity to show up for the people who are, you know relying on me, or even just me relying on myself, to your point as well around drinking. The reason why I cut back on drinking and I'm doing 12 months off at the moment is I want to see what I'm truly capable of. For me, it swings my mood like crazy, it robs me of time for the next day, and I think that we're only here for a limited amount of time, and especially us in the States. We're only here for maybe three years.

Speaker 3: 22:39

I want to maximize every opportunity and I want to meet as many people and experience as much as possible. So for me, I have my own standards and I try to live by that and lead by that, but also share that with people. So it's like this is what I'm working on, this is what I'm learning about, this is where I failed, this is what I'm struggling with and that's why I feel even just the, the community that we built and the company that I've built is people buy into that because they know what they see is what they get like. I don't show up any differently in any area of my life.

Speaker 3: 23:11

I don't feel like I used to do it, like I used to show up differently for the rugby lads as opposed to how I'd show up for in front of my family, as opposed to how I'd show up at work, or it's now. It's like what you see is what you get, and I'm trying to be the best version of myself, to inspire as many people and to inspire myself myself, and that's, I think, taking a lot of pressure off or taking a lot of expectation off, how I feel I need to show up for other people. If I'm trying to show up for other people, I'm neglecting the most important person, which is myself. And if I show up for myself, I know I'm going to be the best husband. I know I'm going to be the best mate, I know I'm going to be the best coach, and that makes it, you know, you can almost breathe out and go huh, it's not that bad.

Speaker 2: 23:52

Yeah, no, it's. And I, when I think about other teams that I've been on. The greatest memories that I have in the greatest relationships that I have with teammates now that we're not even playing together anymore is we may not have been the best team, but we were the most close-knit. I always respect a coach because it goes, you know, whether you're a coach or a CEO or a mentor, you kind of wear that badge of honor and some people, like you said, they kind of show up and they put that mask on. They try to act like they have everything figured together where they're really struggling with something. I've always appreciated the coaches who can really just like hey man, I'm just not on my A game today. Yep.

Speaker 2: 24:37

You know, I got stuff going on with my kids. I got stuff going on with my wife. I've always appreciated the men who I looked up to. Just to be open and vulnerable about that, because in the heightened stress of professional sports you always feel like you have to bring. You have to bring your a game that's like the standard right? Yep, you got to be on point, you got to be elite. You're always being evaluated. Um, you always have to get the plays right. You have to just you look crisp and clean. Obviously, that's not the case.

Speaker 2: 25:05

Practice sometimes goes awful and sometimes the coach like, hey man, let's just, let's just go in, we're tomorrow's about going to be a better day. But you know, when you, when you always fight like we gotta be perfect, and there's days where I go, like today, when I went on the field, it's like wasn't at my best today, you know, but I still showed up, gave a great effort, did some good self-assessment, learn from other guys, um, um, and tomorrow will be a better day, you know. And so I've always appreciated those coaches who can just like hey man, I know I'm, I know I'm the head coach, but I'm only human, I'm only man like I. I don't have everything figured out and those are. Again, they may not always equate to like success on the field, but when I think of like my time with those teams, like there was just something more special about those moments where, like you felt like you actually can be connected with your teammates and coaches.

Speaker 2: 25:58

Because in the scheme of the season, everything's just, it's a strict routine, it's high pressure, it's you're playing on primetime this weekend, we're playing on Monday night football this weekend Like it's just, it's just just a very stressful heightened six months, you know, and uh, I mean I just it just almost took the pressure off and the pressure off the team. When, when a coach or the leader that everyone looks to can just be real and open and honest, right, like hey, I'm just having a rough day, man, like let's just like, take it easy on me a little bit.

Speaker 2: 26:31

You know, like, and I I've always respected that and I think I try to carry that. I think it's very important that we do carry that, whether, whether as a husband, as a father, um, showing up is very important. But there's just some days where you just feel like you, you just don't have the energy to show up the way that you want to. But if you can be open and vulnerable and honest about where you are at mentally, physically, spiritually, whatever the case may be I think it's just uh, it's just, it's, it's real life and it can be applicable and it can help somebody. Maybe. Maybe your kids are just not having a good day either, your wife or girlfriend's not having a good day either, and it's just you can start relating and start like taking that pressure off of like always having to be buttoned up, clean, cut, like having it all. Having it all figured out.

Speaker 2: 27:17

I think that's. That's kind of the one of the biggest lies that we've always been kind of groomed to to believe in is like you got to have it figured out, you gotta, you gotta be, you gotta bring your a game all the time. And, yes, I understand the standard has always set high but that's not reality, yeah, you know. So, like you said, if you can just personally like, if you can just personally just you know, you know where the standard wants you want it to be, but if you can just be real and honest with yourself and just you know, just just keep it real in the moment, you know it just only helps you.

Speaker 2: 27:50

And but you also, you also, uh, reflect like I'm only human, to the people who look up to you too you know what I'm saying Like you don't have to be the hero with the, with the cape on every single day. You know, and I think people respect you more when you I don't like to say stoop down to the level, but when somebody is is always looking and leaning on you for guidance and leadership and encouragement, and maybe maybe somebody else can step up in that moment to be that leader that encourage it. And that's the beauty of a team, that's a beauty of a community. Um, it's like the saying, like row the boat. You know we wrote a boat together. You know you pick up the slack where somebody may be slacking and you know, I think that's just the the best thing that you can immerse yourself with in those communities where you know you just can, uh, you could, be your authentic self.

Speaker 3: 28:40

You don't have to wear the mask, and one day I'm leaning on you, the next day you're leaning on me yeah, you know I'm saying and that's the like, if you look at it, in a marital relationship or intimate relationship, some people are always keeping score. It's like I've always been doing this for you and you know I could say it.

Speaker 2: 28:59

I think our pride, I mean me being prideful at times like I've done, that for sure I was guilty of it for ages, until I was on.

Speaker 3: 29:08

You know, when I first went from rugby and trying to figure my shit out, Amy was doing a lot for me, supporting me, helping me figure it out.

Speaker 3: 29:15

So she could have easily said I'm always doing this for you, sort your shit out and man up essentially like start being responsible. But she never did that. She allowed me to figure it out and she's never once come back and done that. So now for us to move over here. It's fine, like I'm not keeping score. It is what it is, and because collectively, we want a great marriage, we want a great life, and right now this feels like the right thing to do that.

Speaker 3: 29:39

If you go back to team sport, when you were saying, like how well do you actually know players? I won two, three grand finals and there's so many players I actually don't know yeah, we won you know premierships with, and I would only, I think, like much in society, we would just go hang out with the people we met or forced to be introduced to, and even then the conversations were still surface level. And I think about us as individuals. You know, like, what makes a a great car. It's like you're checking the brakes, you're checking the oils, it's going to be fueled up, um, the paint's looking good, like there's multiple things that make a great car. It's no different to us as people. Yeah, so we've got our mental health. We've got our physical health. We've got our financial health, our spiritual health, um relationships, all these areas. Yet we don't ever learn to talk about those areas or communicate those with our friends. So therefore the depth of relationship doesn't exist.

Speaker 3: 30:39

I'm sure you've experienced by going to these men's groups especially because men's groups were eye-opening for me just how much you can learn from one individual and just what's going on. Even for me, meeting you for the first time, I had an idea of how I thought you would be right, based on your NFL player. This is my idea of an NFL player. Then I meet you and you're so much more than that, which is cool, and I've been, you know, I've been given this opportunity to get to know you on a level that maybe many people wouldn't, and for that I'm super grateful for that, and I hope people who listen to this start thinking okay, well, even my buddies. What don't I know about them? What questions haven't I asked them recently and actually waited for them to give me a true response, not just how's your day? Oh, yeah, good. What does good mean to you? Talk me through that. What does good mean to you? Talk me through that. What's been good in your life lately. If we can learn to ask better questions and listen, we can get better responses and genuinely connect.

Speaker 3: 31:39

And I think, going back to why people feel lonely, they don't feel valued, they don't feel heard. So if I then go, okay, well, how can I be responsible for changing that? I need to value myself. I need to allow myself to be seen and heard. Most people, once again, as you said, are wearing the mask. How do you expect to feel heard if you aren't allowing your true self to show up? And that's one of the biggest challenges for people is not. You know, I can go meet as many people as possible, but if you aren't being your authentic self, it's not going to bridge or fill that you know knee that you can feel in your stomach.

Speaker 2: 32:16

Yeah, no, I. We had a team pastor in Indianapolis with the Colts, eric Simpson, and uh, I love this guy. He's. He's helped me in so many different ways. He helped pretty much remend my relationship with my wife or at least encourage me to pursue her again.

Speaker 2: 32:33

But when I was playing with him uh, cause he would travel with the team he'd be on the sideline, he'd be with the specialist, always helping us warm up, and he would always ask one question. I was always so pressing to me. I'd say good morning, eric, how you doing? How you doing? E? He look at me, he's like he would always say how's your soul, how's your soul doing? And of course, in a moment I'd be like, well, I'm ready for this game. But this week I knew in the back of my mind I had these struggles and I never really shared them. And looking back, it was so intimidating to get that question asked to me. But looking back it like you know, those are the hard pressing questions you have to ask people you care about. You know like, how's your soul? Like, how, how are you doing?

Speaker 2: 33:18

like, go in depth on what is good for you yeah and, um, I think something's so important to me over the years when I've you know, after you know, I the longest time I've ever had with an nfl team was with the Colts and that was for just under six years, and from then on it's always been team to team to team for one year and in the moment it's always been hard because man, I, just I want to stay with this team longer than a year. You know, you build those relationships, my wife builds relationships, and then we have to go somewhere else and start over. But the beauty in that is now I'm in a new locker room around new guys, and it's been a priority. I failed at this priority, but I've done much better at realizing that God has sent me to another team to be a disciple and shining light in that locker room. It's not with the same team, that was my will, not his and he takes me somewhere greater. That maybe my wife can thrive better, maybe she can find better community at this next team. That was my will, not his, and he takes me somewhere greater. That maybe my wife can thrive better, maybe she can find better community at this next team. Um, but it gives me the opportunity to be a disciple, and what I mean by disciple is leading others to Jesus and and having those conversations, maybe. And now I'm, I'm going to be 39. So I'm the old gray head in the in the locker room Right, which is a privilege. It really is.

Speaker 2: 34:31

Um, and these guys are 20, 21 years old. You know, just fresh out of college they got some money in their pocket. Now maybe they come from nothing. You know, maybe this is the first time they're really in a an environment where they're facing adversity. They could have been the best athlete in their high school and their college, where they would always excel. But now you're in the big leagues, right, and everyone's going to face challenges. And it's provided me the opportunity to meet that young 21-year-old kid from Louisiana that I have nothing really in common with outside of football.

Speaker 2: 35:06

It presents the opportunity to have those conversations where, hey man, why don't you come hang with us at lunch? Or hey, man, we have this Bible study on Thursday night. You want to come join, and sometimes they don't come, but that one time they do come, you know, it could potentially change their life forever or at least change their mood change you know what they're feeling or they can share something they're struggling with and then we can then relate to them and share like hey man, I can then relate to them and share like hey man, I've been through that. This is how I handled it. I'm going through that right now.

Speaker 2: 35:32

I'm going through something similar and so having those and it's kind of sad because I'm on a team with 90 guys and maybe maybe I only really connect with five out of 90. It's not a very good batting average. You know what I'm saying. So it's like you just have to take the opportunity, and it's not to say that you have to go and shake hands with every single person you come across, but being intentional on having a conversation. This is why I love the podcast. I love this platform because most of the people that come on to this podcast are people that I've never met. You included, right, we just kind of surface level knew each other just through Instagram or what people going through texts over the past few days, but now we can actually sit and have an intentional conversation of something much more deeper than running marathons or playing football and all that kind of stuff and so and it proves as well.

Speaker 3: 36:25

You don't. If you're both open to the idea of getting to know each other, it can be very easy, very easy.

Speaker 2: 36:33

Well, I mean, we're. We're human, we are programmed to have these conversations, but we live in a culture and society that shies away from having either tough conversations or taking the time out to get to know somebody, having the courage to go up to a stranger and just say hello and be kind to somebody. I mean we, we have just we're glued to our phone, we're up to a stranger and just say hello and be kind to somebody. I mean we, we have just we're. We're glued to our phone, we're glued to a computer, we're glued to social media, we're glued to technology that it's essentially just erased the the communication face to face with human beings. You know, and and it's uh, it's made. And I think that's why the youth nowadays they're so afraid to go out and meet new friends, or because they're playing the games all day and they're talking over a microphone or they're talking on Snapchat or Instagram. They're not having personal connection and they're not having that engagement that is so critical to human life. We're just becoming robots.

Speaker 3: 37:29

And if we aren't, it's going to be scary. I don't know if you've listened to jonathan height, who's dr jonathan height? Who does a lot of study on happiness and and children, and he's working with gene twinge. I think they write some great substacks and they've written two books, generations and uh, I can't remember the second one off the top of my head, but it's about the youth coming through today social media, loneliness, suicide, and it's so eye-opening to see how impactful connection is and we've got a role to play in it because, as we spoke about earlier, like if we're trying to protect our children you said you got to ride the bike to training. If that was the case, people are fearful of letting their kids go out. You know, ride the bike to school because of being abducted or whatever, and so because of that, you never get the ability to have the, the freedom to ride the bike right. So there's this, these impacts because of what the media does and experiences that we've had, that we're now not developing certain muscles to integrate in society. And when I look at it from a once again a big picture, we muscles to integrate in society. And when I look at it from a once again a big picture.

Speaker 3: 38:34

We used to thrive in communities. Social media makes us feel like we have to do what everyone else does and we have to have the same beliefs and the same values, but that's not the case. Like 8 billion people, you expect everyone to be the same. You're kidding yourself. So, therefore, we need to develop the skill of empathy.

Speaker 3: 38:54

We need to seek to understand why people think the way they do, why they act the way they do and why they behave the way they do. And then, if we disagree with that, as long as it's not harming other people, that's on us, that's okay. They're allowed to be who they are. And when we start developing the skill set to do that, people are going to become more fulfilled. They're going to find their tribe, whether it's digitally or in person hopefully in person where they can thrive and they can feel valued, they can feel seen and they can feel accepted, because, at the end of the day, that's what we're all wanting to experience. It doesn't need to be too complicated yeah, it, because, at the end of the day, that's what we're all wanting, wanting to experience it's.

Speaker 3: 39:31

It doesn't need to be too complicated yeah um, and I think, once again, if we can be aware of that, we can learn to navigate it, because I hate phones and social media, but I also love it because it gives me the freedom to be over here, get you know, connect with your stuff, listen to your stuff and connect with so many awesome people that, had I not had social media, that wouldn't happen. So I think, as with everything in life, there's pros and cons. If we are clear on what we want and the impact that we want to have and how we want to show up, you know navigate in order to achieve that. Understand we're not always going to get it right. Understand there will be temptations, understand there will be setbacks, but ultimately, if we keep moving closer to where we want to be, then that's that's what it's about, because I just know from us moving over here or even moving to france no, I lived in france and I didn't speak a lick of french and so I got off the train, uh, to the club and the, the presidents there, the coaches there, and then two Fijian lads and I was lucky that the Fijians were there, because they're got a come on. So far, we, we and I'm just like what is going on like I have no idea what you've just said to me and lucky the, the Fijian lads, were there to translate for me so I could actually feel comfortable, but I played over there. I only really been able to communicate with two or three people. So you then start learning how to communicate through the things that you do or your mannerisms, and you understand that communication is more than just words. Building rapport is more than just words, and that is one of the biggest lessons I've ever learned, because you can make people feel valued and heard by just how you use your body. And so, to the point, when you're wanting to build community and you're wanting to be a part of something, I have people that join our program all the time, the community one, and I think by doing the financial transaction, they're now part of community.

Speaker 3: 41:24

It's a big mistake To be part of community. You have to show up, you have to connect, you have to go out to, I guess, become part of the fabric. To show up, you have to connect, you have to go out to, I guess, become part of the fabric. And that takes work, that takes vulnerability, that takes, maybe, being realizing someone in the group you don't really gel with. That's fine. Move on to the next one, and that's where people need to go back to flexing the muscle of.

Speaker 3: 41:49

If I want connection. Firstly, where do I feel I belong? What you know, start by going. What am I interested in might be football. It's why sports are really good to build rapport with people. But then what are the next things? Family life, it could be entrepreneurship, it could be podcasts. Start thinking about the things that you care about and then find out where those people are likely to be and you're going to start building more of a community. Yeah, I moved, um, obviously, when I moved back from france to where I used to live and then I moved down to brisbane where I met my wife.

Speaker 3: 42:21

I needed to build a new environment because I had a problem with drinking and uh and recreational drugs, and so I had an idea of who I wanted to be and how I wanted to show up and I just kept searching. I was like, okay, fitness is is something that I value. Right, let's go to different gyms, let's meet people at fitness events. I did fucking seven back-to-back fitness transformations in a row trying to find people. It took about two years to get that one mate where I was like I can call this like this person gets me. And once that happened, this whole new environment opened up because they introduced me to their buddies. And then it's slowly just built from that. And I think if you're in a position where you don't feel valued, seen or heard and the relationships aren't the right fit for you, go back to the relationship that you have with yourself, work out what's important to you, what you value, what you want it to look like, and start putting the feelers out, uh, to find those people.

Speaker 2: 43:17

That's incredible man. I mean, I would have to imagine your.

Speaker 2: 43:20

Your experience overseas as an athlete is is uh, uh, overwhelming to say you know, like I mean, it's just, uh, I I feel uncomfortable going to a new team where everyone speaks english and you know, I maybe only know, you know, it's just, I feel uncomfortable going to a new team where everyone speaks English and you know, I maybe only know. You know, it's a small fraternity, right? You know somebody, whether it's a coach, a staff member or a teammate, and sometimes I go to a new team and I don't know anybody, you know. And so I have to have to go and seek.

Speaker 2: 43:44

And it's easy within sports because you have your position where you know you're an offensive lineman, you're a quarterback, a receiver, a specialist, and you already have that commonality. You have that common ground already as you walk in, because you're you're doing the same position. So it's easy to meet those guys. But then you know, taking it further, don't just be clicky with that, that group, you know, go sit at a table with. You know other guys, and I think that's where some of the negative sides of being on a team is, where you you find those guys, especially on football team, where there's there is, you know, throughout the season you have 60 to 70 guys on a team and you only stay with your position group. You eat with them, you travel with them, you stay in the same house you like. You do everything together. Their wives, now yep, only stay within that group and that that's crazy.

Speaker 2: 44:30

No, it is crazy, I mean, it becomes very, very clicky.

Speaker 2: 44:32

And so I think it's important for us to prioritize, like, hey, man, I need to go socialize with this group, I need to go socialize with this guy, I need to introduce my wife to other wives of different, unique because, yeah, you have walks of life.

Speaker 2: 44:51

You have 70 guys from all walks of life, different, different upbringings, different schools, different parts of the country. We're now starting to get international players on the roster and so it's, it's very important. It's like man, just like you need to go out and really get to know other other people, because it's it is sad to think that you spend six months with a team and, like I said before, you maybe only walk away with three to five really, uh, connected relationships. You know, and there was so much more opportunity on the table left that you didn't take. You know, and and even for my wife, you know it's so important for her for me to help her get plugged into a community because it can be very lonely, for the wives and spouses throughout the entire season, because we're travel, you know, and it's hey, why don't you go over to Sarah's house to go watch the game?

Speaker 2: 45:41

And you know, hopefully she does, because now she gets to spend a few hours with new girlfriends and they're all going through, like, whether they have kids or not, like it's hard on them, so they it's a really good um environment, um and group to be involved with. Because you know now as much as they feel so lonely and so like disconnected from us during the season, now they can start pouring in and being connected with another group where these women now can confide in each other and support each other. Hey, if you need a babysitter, let me help you out. Hey, you know, if you this school, like it's just so important to uh and that's why I said it's a privilege being a gray head in the locker room, because I have a lot of wisdom and experience, connections, networks that I can help plug these younger guys in, whether it's a team uh team psychiatrist or a therapist or a trainer or what a church to go to, whatever the case may be. Like using that opportunity is is quite the privilege and I always looked up to you know.

Speaker 2: 46:39

You know, within sports, you're, you're the only guy. It's, it's, it's all political. Like you have the young guy now trying to come in and take your job, you know, cause it's all. It's all based off competition. You know who's who's the cheaper player, who's the better player, all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2: 46:53

And and I was very fortunate to come into a situation where the old veteran guy took me under his wing, mentored me. Yeah, we were still competing, we knew where the line was drawn in the ground, but that didn't mean we had to be enemies, right? That didn't mean that we had to not socialize, not have fun together, not to get to know each other. We still talk to this day and that's beautiful. And I always told myself, hey, if I ever got to that point where I'm the, the old veteran and the young guys coming in trying to take my job, like mentor that guy, pour into that guy, help that guy. And I think one of the greatest things of being a part of a community is when you, you guys, are all striving for something, whether it's football, whether it's running, whether it's marathons. Seeing the other guys succeed is is quite the honor.

Speaker 2: 47:39

You know what I'm saying when you know where that person started at and where they where they got to.

Speaker 2: 47:44

I love seeing yeah sure, I'm always trying to get signed on another team but I always get so much more thrill and excitement and joy out of seeing a young guy get an opportunity over me because I already had my shot, I already had my my glory days and so I, if I can pour it and pay it forward in that regard, where I just keep on helping others and helping these young guys because, man, I was that guy in those shoes, you know, 15 years ago and trying to make it, trying to make ends meet, trying to, you know, put, have enough money in my pocket where I can pay rent and buy groceries and still support the dream that I have, you know.

Speaker 2: 48:23

So I get a thrill out seeing guys in our group get the opportunities that I want but I don't get because it's just like it's, it's a and you can't. You can look at it one or two ways you can be bitter and upset that that person got opportunity that you didn't get. Or you can be happy and proud and support that person and cheer them on because you would hope that if you get the opportunity that the people are still cheering you on. You know what I'm saying and I think a lot of people fall to that lie and and that mistake of getting better when others get opportunities that you don't get.

Speaker 3: 48:54

What was it like when you got your first opportunity? I think you said 2012, 14.

Speaker 2: 48:59

Well, so 20, 2007 was my draft year. Yep 2012 14.

Speaker 3: 49:06

Well, so 20 2007 was my draft year, yep, um. And then I didn't play my first game until 2012, yep.

Speaker 2: 49:09

So it took five years and your perseverance is unbelievable persistence, perseverance, faith for sure is like just the the pinnacles of that journey and still is to this day. But I remember my first game suiting up me. I was a nervous wreck dude. I was night terrors, couldn't sleep. I mean, I was on the verge of quitting. I was just being tempted by the devil in all different ways. Like man, you're not good enough to be here. You're this close, but, man, you feel so far away.

Speaker 2: 49:35

And my first game was a home game in Indianapolis against the St Louis Rams preseason game. I knew I was going to play, called my family up, say you better be at this game because this might be the only time you ever see me in an nfl uniform on an nfl field. And I was at that time I was competing against that veteran that I just mentioned, um 12 years, with the team super bowl champion, great player, and um he had continuity with the great player and um, he had continuity with the, the owners that you know, he he'd just been there for so long that it was, it was his job. And I was just there, the young, hungry guy trying to take it. And uh, man, I was. I was nervous, but as soon as I stepped foot on that field for the very first time. It's just like a blackout moment. All the years of preparation, all the years of dreaming, all the years of just the sacrifice and going out on your own and training and all these different leagues. I had to bounce around in that one moment. I stepped foot on that field and I just blacked out Like I don't even remember it, like you're in front of 70,000 people on TV, your family's there watching you.

Speaker 2: 50:43

I was nervous on the sideline but as soon as I crossed that white line onto the field for the first time, just blacked out, did my job, just routine muscle memory. You, just you. You rely on that preparation. You know. That's why preparation is so important. That's why practice is so important. You practice and repeat the same motions over and over a million times. They say you become a master of 10,000 reps or whatever. I mean. I did 10 times 10,000 reps. I did millions of reps up to this point. It took me five years to get to this point and I just blacked out man, and that gave me so much confidence moving forward. I got my first plan on my belt, stepped foot on the field for the first time, did well and I earned that job that year and I made that team for the very first time and that started my NFL career.

Speaker 3: 51:37

How'd that make you feel as an individual.

Speaker 2: 51:39

Oh, I mean, I was just, I mean obviously very, very proud of the achievement of finally making an NFL team, but then just proud and happy for my family, cause my family had been there on this journey with me from the get-go, from being eight years old. That's one thing I love to share about my family is they my parents, my grandparents, everybody, even my best friends they I had this wild dream of being a professional athlete and playing the NFL, where less than 1% of people will ever get to touch or feel or live out. And I come from a small school. I was never the best athlete, I was never the five-star recruit, I was never the guy that got all the accolades, never won a championship, I was never that player, you know. And my family and friends, even though I was crazy, they always supported my dream, for whatever reason.

Speaker 2: 52:30

Even when I got cut from teams, even when I got you know wasn't, you know was, it wasn't panning out Football, wasn't paying me back they were still there, like I still mean my best friend Jared. I'd get a call from a team for a workout. I'd wake him up. We're all living in the same house one summer and he stumbles out in his underwear and he's catching balls from me, like I mean, that's the kind of love and respect that I had and support from my family and friends. So it was important for me to achieve that, but I think more so important to be able to share that with my family, who lived all the ups and downs with me, were never left my side, never told me to give up, never told me, hey, this thing, you ain't, you're not cut out for this thing you know, so for them to be able to share that with me in that moment, I think that was more profound than me actually achieving something personal.

Speaker 2: 53:21

Yeah, it was a big achievement for sure, but I love when my family, I love sharing the journey with them, no doubt about it especially my wife and my kids.

Speaker 3: 53:30

Shows the richness of investing in your relationships, from the relationship with yourself to your family, but also to your mates, and they've all played a role in where you're at now and, obviously, where you're going to go in the future as well. I wanted to ask the question. I texted it to you this morning what is one of the biggest insecurities that you have?

Speaker 2: 53:50

Yeah, man, I mean really haven't been asked that from another man in probably a long time or if ever. And I think it's so good to reflect on and I would think there's probably a couple of things that come to mind pretty quickly. I think the first thing is now that I'm at the tail end of my career, I still want to push forward, to play one year, god willing. But I think I've always carried the insecurity of me not being good enough to play. Like, here's my resume, like I could put it on paper.

Speaker 2: 54:19

I can look at all the achievements, I can look at all the teams I've played for, all the successes that the team around me has had, what I've had individually. I can still look at there and I can say, man, can I still play at a high level? Do I still have the respect from my peers and coaches? Do I still the ability to just play at this high level that I know I can play at? And yeah, like age comes into a factor for everybody at some point, right, I mean you look at the Tiger Woods of the world, you look at all these athletes. I mean at some point you know, father time comes into play and you're just not as good as the young, energized 21 year olds anymore. Whether it's injuries, whether it's just speed, what what other case may be, but my position in particular it's a very specialized. I'm a long snapper, upside down quarterback.

Speaker 2: 55:10

I snapped the ball upside down quarterback so I mean my, my skill set that I have allows me and affords me the ability to play at a much older age. Mind you, I'm going to turn 39. 95% of the league is 26 and younger. Wow, and even coaches. Now Coaches are becoming a lot more younger. So to be able I mean, there's probably Aaron Rodgers, there's maybe only a couple players in the league that- are 40.

Speaker 3: 55:44

Cousins, what's he?

Speaker 2: 55:45

I don't know, maybe 35. But I mean, even 35 is old, so attack on another four or five years. That's even older. So I played with Adam Vinatieri, greatest kicker of all time. He played until I believe he was 43 years old and at the time I was 12 years younger than him. When, when I was playing with him in Indianapolis and I was looked up to him as like that father figure, as that man, I was like dude, how are you performing at such a high level at your age? And it was all his preparation, obviously a lot of confidence, the way he treated his body, his recovery, and he was able to play 22 seasons in the NFL at a very, very high level and I've always had that.

Speaker 2: 56:29

Now that I'm getting up there in age, like I would love if I can, if I can reach 40 years old in NFL, that what an accomplishment, right. But I think that doubt comes into my mind like hey, you know teams are going to think I'm too old. You know teams are going to think I don't have the pep in my step that I once did, you know. So all those, I think, all those insecurities and doubts come into mind when it when speaking on football. So that's definitely insecurity that I've kind of carried over the past couple of years, and more so recently. And I think another one too is like just self image insecurity, right, like I'm very obviously very immersed in the health and fitness. Um, you know, I wish I had the certain body that I want to have. I wish I had hair. Like I'm losing my hair, right, I there's.

Speaker 2: 57:15

I think you look good, you look good. I literally have my buddy at the gym. Yesterday gave me a card for you know we grow hair dot com. Nashville like to go get hair treatment and hair therapy. I'm like all right, man, I'll take it. But I think those are real insecurities that a lot of men have that aren't really talked about a lot.

Speaker 2: 57:38

My wife harps me all the time Baby, you look great, you look good. I was like thank you so much, but I don't look the way that I want to look. You know I want, you know, maybe not the rib tabs, but I want a little definition down there. I want a healthy, full set of hair. I don't want gray. You know like there's all those insecurities I think that men carry with them. I know right now the trend is like the dad bods in, like that's sexy and it's like no, no, it's not like who's saying that?

Speaker 2: 58:06

Yeah, right, and it's like you know, um, I think for me as as important as a priority as health and fitness is for me, like it's never translated to like the, uh, the physique that I've always wanted or that I strive to get, you know, I want to have that certain body comp, I want to, I want to look a certain way, like, I want to feel a certain way and I so I think that really is. That might be an insecurity that I've had my entire life. You know, I was, I was kind of the pudgy, chubby kid growing up and got made fun of, and so I think I think I've carried that insecurity, even though I'm strong and I'm in the best shape of my life compared to, I mean, I would argue that I'm in better shape now at 39, going on 39, than I was maybe at 29, just because I prioritize health and health way more yeah you know, and um, that's where Justin Todd comes into play.

Speaker 2: 58:58

He's been a huge role model for me and a huge mentor and a best friend to help me, like, really push myself. But I think that insecurity comes from being that chubby kid. You know cause, in football when I was growing up we had weight classes.

Speaker 2: 59:11

Yeah, and when I was, uh, 10 years old, my the weight limit at my uh the level I was playing out was like a hundred pounds. So so if you were 100 pounds or over, you were considered like the overweight kid and you always had a weigh-in before every game and it was embarrassing, right and again.

Speaker 2: 59:31

That kind of stuff nowadays would never fly you know I'm saying but, um, I still remember as a young kid I was teetering right on that a hundred pounds one-on-one, and I was always a bigger kid, I was an old lineman, I was the husband. I mean, I was a big athlete, you know. But we had a way in every game and I'm not kidding you Like this is like, uh, a real thing and again, probably would never fly nowadays but my mom, before every game on Saturday I would go to the gym, I would sit in the sauna for as long as I could stand it. I would not eat until after weigh-ins. It was almost like I was in a wrestling match.

Speaker 2: 1:00:11

Yeah, those wrestlers, boxers and fighters, they have to do that. So I was essentially cutting weight at 10 years old to play football because of the weight limit and that I think over time I mean I would step on the scale naked in front of all my friends, embarrassed, and if I made weight then my mom would be outside with lunch waiting for me and I would eat, and. But there was a time where I didn't make weight and I was. I mean I would sit in the in a bathroom stall trying to pee as much as I could or take a dump. I do whatever I could to get rid of some weight. And that's at 10 years old.

Speaker 2: 1:00:44

So I think over time those insecurities with you know, physique and look and all this kind of stuff has carried on all the way into adulthood. You know what I'm saying and it's not as much like you know. Uh, I think it's just a personal preference. Like I know that I'm healthy, I know I'm fit, I know I'm strong, but I know I can be better. So I think that's definitely an insecurity that I still carry to this day of just looking a certain way, you know and so, and then then you throw in the hair and the mix. I'm like my, my wife's, making comments about me losing my hair and like I have to wear a hat all the time.

Speaker 2: 1:01:16

It's like it just compiles, you know it's, it's compounds over time, it's like gosh dang, like you know. But I think, uh, I think for me definitely the insecurity of not feeling good enough to play in the NFL at my age and and just, uh, just aesthetics, the look of you know, my body, I think I've, I've had those insecurities for a long time and then football, not feeling good enough is kind of been more, more recent I appreciate you sharing that with us as well, and I think it's definitely common for for a lot of blokes to be going through that stuff and as soon as you start talking about it, yeah, it's like that acceptance piece.

Speaker 3: 1:01:52

Once you can start accepting stuff, it's like, okay, if I want to improve that, what does that now look like? Most people are in denial or they're, they're ashamed or embarrassed, so they never talk about it, never do anything about it and it just gets worse. So I think, um, for anyone out there listening like if you're experiencing similar things, just what has to happen to accept this is your reality yeah you know, not everyone's born with the six-pack abs and the lush.

Speaker 2: 1:02:19

You know who's got ass and kutcher hair good hair good beard, yeah, good jaw line, good teeth, yeah, all that stuff, yeah, yeah it's like, but accept where you're at and then build from there.

Speaker 3: 1:02:30

It's like anything in life except your current reality and build off of that. That's all we can do, the best that we can do.

Speaker 2: 1:02:35

Yeah, but maddie it's well, hey, oh, hold on, you're not gonna walk away without sharing your insecurities. I nearly got away, geez, I slide one on me like that uh, what about you? Is there? Is there anything in particular that you can think of?

Speaker 3: 1:02:50

very similar to you. One would be the fear of not being good enough. That's driven me my whole life is wanting to be successful and the definition of success is constantly evolving. But I have a have a standard and an idea and when and I think the goalposts always change, so I've never actually done it. The life that I'm living now, where I can live abroad and still earn an income and do all that, is what I wanted, you know, seven years ago but now it's not enough yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:03:19

So I think when I wake up every day, it's the idea of knowing that when I'm on my deathbed I've given everything. Yeah, and the challenge with that is there's always compromises with family and things that I wouldn't say get in the way, but take you off path from time to time for the idea of what I think is me tapping into, to my potential, and I think part of part of me with that wants the validation, like I love the, the idea of recognition and stuff, and as soon as you stop playing sport, you don't get that anymore like or if you're a musician or whatever, like you continually get validated by people and I think when you're in a position where you just sort of I don't want to say blend in, but you just cruise in it's it's a lot harder to get that and that's where you've got to seek it within yourself and I think for me personally, that's why I do a lot of the stuff that I do is I'm still chasing that.

Speaker 3: 1:04:19

I'm still wanting to prove to myself that I can be better than I was yesterday in so many different things. So the insecurity of not being good enough hands down.

Speaker 2: 1:04:29

Yeah, and I think to touch on the insecurity of not being good enough. I even think about being good enough as a husband or being good enough about a father, now that I'm in that phase. I've been married four years now, been a dad now for three years, got a one-year-old and three-year-old at home. And I think, too is when I talked about the identity crisis, about the athlete, the jersey you wear, the name on your back, the team you play for you're, you're on that pedestal for such a long time, however long your career is, and people look up to you as that professional athlete and, yeah, that that will fade very, very fast and quickly. Um, people lose interest in in you and and because you're not playing or you're not on their favorite team, whatever the case may be.

Speaker 2: 1:05:09

But I think one thing that goes to the wayside and is is is never really talked about how important it is is having the validation at home, and it's way more important to me to be validated at home by my wife and my kids than it is for a fan across the country who doesn't even know me to be to be the professional athlete Right, and I think we we've been groomed and we've been accustomed to like. We get our satisfaction from that fandom. We get that satisfaction from the engagement online. We get the satisfaction from the followers. We get the likes of the clay, all that kind of stuff, and that stuff does not mean anything Like it. It's.

Speaker 2: 1:05:46

It's so important to have the validation at home and to know that you are that superstar in the eyes of your kids. You know you are that incredible husband in the eyes of your wife and you know I think we forget about that way too often. You know I think we take it so much for granted. I come home to kids who love to jump on me and I'm, I'm, I may be tired, but like that love that they show me, that love that I get from my wife or even me showing my love to them back, like that's way more important than what you and I are chasing outside of the home. You know what I'm saying and I think, if we can have that perspective, way more often than not, um, it's way more fulfilling, there's way more purpose, um, and I know there's always going to be things we strive for outside of the home, um, and achievement we try to achieve.

Speaker 2: 1:06:36

But at the end of the day, like and I think of, think of steve jobs and I I see people quote him all the time of of being this incredible person and this incredible man and you mentioned elon musk like this incredible person who achieved so much, created so much, but his, his home life was nothing. He's in shambles. He had no relationship with the kids, had a fallen marriage, had a broken home, had, and it's like we put these people on pedestals for all these worldly achievements, for creating the iphone or creating, whatever the case, the, you know space x and all this kind of stuff.

Speaker 2: 1:07:15

It's like, listen, like, at the end of the day, those people were probably the most lonely empty people ever, you know, and we put those people on a pedestal lonely empty people ever, you know, and we put those people on a pedestal every single day. People quote them all the time, like they're they've achieved the greatest thing since landing on the moon. What are the cases? Like it's just, it's incredible, and not to downplay those achievements, but man, I think we're losing the true message and meaning behind what, what, what life is meant to be lived and and what family means. Um, because you know, I'm, I'm big on legacy.

Speaker 2: 1:07:50

Right, I could, I can go create something, but who's going to carry that legacy? Nobody, nobody's going to remember the app that I created, but the legacy I leave for my kids and for my wife is way more important. You know what I'm saying, like, and I think, if we can just hone in on that mindset, more than the worldly achievements, I mean, I think that's something that I have to remind myself a lot, you know, because that's what. That's where the true love, that's where the true fulfillment is. They could care less if I lose a game. They could care less if I still play football. They could care less if I'm getting a big paycheck. They could care less about all that stuff that I think is important.

Speaker 3: 1:08:24

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:08:25

You know what I'm saying, and so I think the touch on that insecurity like yeah, I definitely have an insecurity about like hey, I need to be. I want my kids to see me as a loving husband, a loving dad, and when they, when they're older, looking back on their relationship with their dad, that I was that superhero and I continue to be. You know, even even when days were, you know I do fall, they still see me, no matter if I still wear that helmet or not, like it doesn't matter. You know what I'm saying. So I think, having these mentioned on your deathbed, if I can, if I can lay there and confidently know that I did everything that I could for my family and loved them as well as I could, um, that's way more important, man.

Speaker 3: 1:09:06

Man Spot on Absolutely. Spot on for my audience. Who's been listening? Where can people find you show? Where can people follow you?

Speaker 2: 1:09:15

Yeah, so I you know I host a stay ready to podcast on Apple and Spotify and then on socials, matt overton underscore ls. Now it's on that's on x and on instagram. We also have a stay ready to podcast instagram page. Uh, we release an episode every wednesday and uh, hopefully we're very close to merging with the network oh yeah, very exciting, um, and so obviously that platform would be great for just engagement and reaching more ears. But yeah, that's where you can find me Awesome. Where can they find Lachlan?

Speaker 3: 1:09:48

Stewart. Yeah, instagram is Lachlan Stewart S-T-U-A-R-T. Lachlan L-A-C-H-L-A-N. Is that a common name around here? So?

Speaker 2: 1:09:58

growing up. My best friend's older brother was named Lachlan, but outside of that I haven't met Lachlan.

Speaker 3: 1:10:03

I've had to if I go for a coffee somewhere. My older name is Steve, because the amount of times I have to explain it and I've just gotten tired. That's so funny man. Somehow I'm Steve, but. And then the website themanthatcanprojectcom. You can find the podcast and newsletters and all of that sort of stuff. So I release two episodes a week, on Mondays and Thursdays.

Speaker 2: 1:10:24

That's awesome. We'll check that out, and I do want to ask you, though, now that you're here, what has been your experience like here in Nashville? I've loved it.

Speaker 3: 1:10:31

I really have loved it. It's so different to Australia. I always thought it'd be very similar because I feel like we're your little brother country in a way. But there's so many small rules that I'm like this is awesome, and then there's some big differences that you know it is taking a while to get used to, but everyone has been super friendly. Like I feel when people hear about what you're trying to achieve and what you're like as an individual, they're more than you know how we got connected.

Speaker 3: 1:11:02

Justin did that and Mac you know a lot of those guys have been extremely helpful. They just want to be a part of your success, which is very different to back home. It's sort of people want to build you up to a certain point and then it's like let's chop your legs out and bring you back down to earth. So I've really loved that and I just love nashville in general. Everyone's friendly, it's. It's very similar to brisbane, yeah, where we're from back home, big country town that's awesome.

Speaker 2: 1:11:26

That's why we stayed here. I mean we, we loved it. Great place to raise a family. There's a lot to do all the time. Good food, good people, like even in you know, I talked to a lot of artists, like even in the midst of like how daunting and and how big of a machine like this music industry is, even in sports, like chew you up, spit you out, kind of mentality. They call it a 10 year town, like if you don't reach that success by 10 years, you're a failure kind of thing. It's like there are so many good people here that are willing to. You know, take the shirt off their back to help you.

Speaker 2: 1:11:54

And, yeah, there's, there's still that, uh, there's still people out there that will cut your legs underneath you, but it's. It's much different from LA, new York, all the bigger markets. It's a there's a lot of pride and a lot of tradition here, um, but for the most part, I think I've I've had nothing but great interactions with people of great influence here who are open doors for you, you know and and connect you with other people. And so I'm so glad that you and I got to connect and have this podcast and I'm grateful that you're here and hopefully you can be here three years, maybe a little longer and and uh, that's awesome, but I would love to continue to connect with you, train with you, run with you, learn with you, just like you talk about community, like be become a community here and help you connect with other people.

Speaker 2: 1:12:39

And, uh, I think it's incredible that you're doing what you're doing, um, at the sacrifice of coming out here for your wife.

Speaker 2: 1:12:46

I think that's incredible.

Speaker 2: 1:12:47

I think that's very admirable Cause I also that's that's also a very taboo thing, like in our culture, to have the guy kind of, uh, not be quote, unquote the breadwinner and be the go-getter guy and and for you to sacrifice and it still sounds like you're thriving but to make a big sacrifice to move out here for her to pursue her dream, um, because for music it's like if you're, if you're trying to pursue this thing, like you need to be in certain markets, or yeah, you know, and this is the place to be for her.

Speaker 2: 1:13:17

Uh, so I mean, I commend you for for taking that on for her. You know, and I think that's important for me to learn, because I recently learned my wife now that I'm not playing her. Now I'm kind of in this transition phase. I've had to take the role of the stay-at-home dad a little bit and let her go out and work a little bit, because she hasn't done that ever since being married and having kids. So I'm super proud of her. So I'm taking on a different role now and I think it's okay to talk about it, it's okay to do like this.

Speaker 2: 1:13:44

This marriage thing is not always going to be 50, 50. Someday she's bringing 80, I'm bringing 20, and vice versa, and uh, so for you to step up and do that for her is incredible, man, and just thank you for the time to come over and connect at the house and share your story a little bit, share kind of the principles you live on, and I think this is gonna be one of the best podcasts we've had, because we're always talking about music, always talking about sports, but this is just at a different angle, talking about very important topics. So I hope you guys listen to part one and then segue into part two.

Speaker 2: 1:14:15

And Lachlan man. It's been a pleasure man. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, maddie, and I also look forward to building on that relationship and let's do it. Continue to follow your journey as well, mate, and let's, let's.

Speaker 3: 1:14:29

I'm sure there's going to be a couple more seasons well, thank you, man, and uh, we'll put you in the the full gear and let you feel the, the helmet, the shoulder pads and everything man, it'll be fun. Cheers, mate, all right cheers. Thanks for joining us for another awesome episode. If you enjoyed this one, make sure you share it, rate it and review it. I will see you next week.