The weight of burnout can feel as relentless and unforgiving as the labor I once knew in Crockettville, yet this chapter isn't about succumbing to exhaustion—it's about shedding those heavy burdens. In a special narrative, I take you back to my roots, where the grind for survival etched a blueprint for overwork and stress that chased me into adult life. Together, we'll engage in a visualization to unpack the baggage of outmoded beliefs, questioning the very definition of work, and seek to align our efforts with the lives we truly desire, leaving behind any principles that no longer serve us.
Navigating the complexities of high achievement, especially for women, often means grappling with the silent vices of information hoarding and endless striving. Here, we dissect the pitfalls of 'intellectual obesity' and the illusion that incessant learning equates to progress. Illuminating the wisdom of voices like Madeleine Albright and Laura Bush, we uncover the importance of embracing life's seasons and trusting our inner guidance. This chapter is a clarion call to action, urging us to balance absorbing knowledge with the crucial step of implementing it, and to cultivate our dreams with relentless, patient consistency.
The journey toward healing is deeply personal and profoundly spiritual, and in this chapter, I share the transformative power of embracing God's unconditional love. Delving into scriptural references and personal stories, such as my own experience with paternal abandonment, we open up about the struggles with shame and the path to self-forgiveness. Whether it's overcoming bitterness, addressing life's blind spots, or recognizing our worth without the need for external approval, this conversation is an invitation to immerse ourselves in truth and step boldly into our inherent brilliance.
The weight of burnout can feel as relentless and unforgiving as the labor I once knew in Crockettville, yet this chapter isn't about succumbing to exhaustion—it's about shedding those heavy burdens. In a special narrative, I take you back to my roots, where the grind for survival etched a blueprint for overwork and stress that chased me into adult life. Together, we'll engage in a visualization to unpack the baggage of outmoded beliefs, questioning the very definition of work, and seek to align our efforts with the lives we truly desire, leaving behind any principles that no longer serve us.
Navigating the complexities of high achievement, especially for women, often means grappling with the silent vices of information hoarding and endless striving. Here, we dissect the pitfalls of 'intellectual obesity' and the illusion that incessant learning equates to progress. Illuminating the wisdom of voices like Madeleine Albright and Laura Bush, we uncover the importance of embracing life's seasons and trusting our inner guidance. This chapter is a clarion call to action, urging us to balance absorbing knowledge with the crucial step of implementing it, and to cultivate our dreams with relentless, patient consistency.
The journey toward healing is deeply personal and profoundly spiritual, and in this chapter, I share the transformative power of embracing God's unconditional love. Delving into scriptural references and personal stories, such as my own experience with paternal abandonment, we open up about the struggles with shame and the path to self-forgiveness. Whether it's overcoming bitterness, addressing life's blind spots, or recognizing our worth without the need for external approval, this conversation is an invitation to immerse ourselves in truth and step boldly into our inherent brilliance.
Chapter 6. Check your Baggage. In this chapter we'll explore the sections of your backpack that keep you stuck in the cycle of burnout. Imagine you're cleaning out your backpack, preparing for a big trip. Visualize yourself taking the bag from your back. Sit on the floor in a comfortable position with the bag in front of you, unzip the largest compartment and peek inside. Begin taking each experience, idea, thought, system and belief out of your bag. Now imagine yourself with an empty bag and all your things, sitting on the floor around you. I'm going to ask you a series of questions. Take your time to listen to the section. Understand each question and search through your baggage for your answer. Write your response to each question in your disrupting burnout journal. Take your time. There is no time limit here. Remember there is no right or wrong answer to any of these questions. Your truth is your truth. Our goal here is just to face it for what it is and decide if it should remain in your backpack. It's time to acknowledge what you've been carrying.
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What is your definition of work? I grew up in Crockettville, a small sediment and Hampton County in the low country of South Carolina. Imagine a rural family farm with dirt roads, cornfields, family gatherings and air so pure you can smell an incoming rain shower. In Crockettville work was not just income. Work was survival. Work was waking up before the sun each morning to take care of the animals and go to the fields, not to return until the sun went down again. Work was backbreaking, sweat inducing labor. My brother and cousins rode off in the wee hours of summer mornings to the watermelon fields with my granddaddy, joe. They would form a line across the field, pick the right watermelons and toss them one by one, person to person, until they filled a large hauling truck. My granddaddy then drove the truck to the farmer's market on Saturdays to sell the watermelons. I walked through fields of corn, beans, peas and okra with my sister and grandma's cinnamon, filling bushel baskets to be sold or given to friends and family. My stepdad worked 12 hour shifts as a security guard, only to come home to work in the fields on the weekends. My mother opened a local hair salon where she took her first client at 6 in the morning and the last at 8 o'clock at night every day except Sunday and Monday. Monday was the national hairdresser's day off, since they worked so hard on Saturdays, and Sunday was for the Lord. I sat in that shop so many days, folding shampoo, towels after they were washed and dried, sanitizing combs and brushes, or sweeping hair after mama gave somebody a new haircut In Crockettville.
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Work was an unending sacrifice. You worked when you were tired, you worked when you were sick. You never complained because work was survival, without noticing. I took this definition of work to the university setting. As a young professional, I had to be the first person to arrive each morning and the last to leave. I literally watched the cars to make sure none of my coworkers beat me to the office. I had to be the first one to turn on the lights on. I wouldn't dare allow my boss to get to work before me. What would they think about my work ethic? I said yes, too often, took on too many projects and attended as many student programs as I could. I woke up checking my email and went to sleep at night doing the same. I was on call for Campus Crisis almost 24-7 and remained available even when I wasn't on call. I wasn't tossing watermelons, but you couldn't tell my heart that, in my mind, doing a good job at work meant working. Until I couldn't work anymore, I drove myself to burnout. Who was I to complain. My people were still in the fields of Crockettville. How dare I admit to being tired when I worked in a cushy, air-conditioned office. I was no longer in Crockettville, but I brought Crockettville to campus with me. Crockettville was in me and it almost ruined me. Friend, let's stop for a spoonful of PBJ.
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As I'm reading this section, something comes to my heart that I didn't realize as I was writing. Work was still about survival. So, although I had learned that work must be hard and hard work is the only way to do work, now that I'm reading this, I'm also recognizing that I worked so hard because I was trying to survive. I didn't want to be fired, I didn't want to be reprimanded. I was so afraid that all of the blessings that had come to my life could just as easily leave me. So I overperformed, I overworked, I overachieved for fear of not surviving, of not being okay.
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So not only was this a part of the story that I learned in Crockettville, but it was also a lack of faith For me. It was a lack of faith that, no matter what, god would take care of me and I would be okay. And if you had asked me in that time of life, if it was a lack of faith. There's no way I would have admitted that. But looking back at it now and reading these words out loud, I can see how I lacked faith. I felt like my survival depended on my work. But now I know better.
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Let's get back to the story Now. Hear me, friend, there is nothing wrong with Crockettville. I am so grateful for my upbringing. The foundations of community work, ethic and faith from my hometown served me well in my life. I have experienced success and accomplished much based on those foundations. I was rewarded with promotions due to my work ethic. However, the definition of work I learned in Crockettville no longer aligns with who I am. I was raised in Crockettville, but I am no longer in Crockettville. My upbringing defined how I approached life and work, but that definition was not in alignment with who God created me to be today. Crockettville was in my backpack and I had to determine how I would like to carry it.
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We all have our own version of what we think work should look like. Maybe you find yourself overworking, trying to chase a standard of worthiness created in your family. Maybe you find yourself overcommitted because you learned every minute of your day should be full. Maybe you cannot say no to church obligations. Because you learned your level of holiness is based on your level of self-sacrifice. Maybe you learned nobility is serving your community even at the cost of your own health and well-being. What have you learned about work that is negatively impacting your life right now?
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I met a woman at a new teacher workshop in Savannah, georgia, who shared that her father was the doctor in a very small town when she was growing up. She described how he worked long hours, seven days every week and how his off-time was often interrupted by medical emergencies. She was impacted by her father's work ethic and the admiration he received from the community, so much that she found herself being just like him. She worked tirelessly to serve her students and their families. She stayed after school and even went into after-school care to serve the students in her class. She had experiences where she had to find someone to take care of her children. While she was taking care of the children in her class. After hours, this woman realized the negative impact her work definition was having on her family and took steps to change this pattern before it was too late. She was so desperate to change her definition of work that she and her family decided to move to Savannah for a fresh start.
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What is your definition of work and where did you learn it? How has that definition impacted your life? What changes do you need to make to your work standards, friend? What is your advice? What do you run to for comfort? What person, place or thing creates an illusion of peace for you? It's difficult to see what you're running from until you acknowledge what you're running to.
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Yours might not be a typical vice. When you think of a vice, your mind may go to drugs, sex or alcohol. Those intoxicants may very well be real struggles for some women. But I'd like to add a few. We don't often discuss as accomplished women. We often run to information for comfort.
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Doreen Rainey, the radical success coach, calls this phenomenon information gathering. I must admit, the first time I heard Doreen explain this vice, I was quite offended. I consider myself a learned woman and learning has always been a place of safety for me. When I don't know what else to do, I know I can learn something, read something, consume something. The problem with gathering more information, as Doreen explains it, is simply learning makes us feel accomplished. So we never do anything with the information we gather. Therefore, we see no transformation. The learning becomes a false indicator of success when there has been no progress. Maybe when you're stressed, you reach for another book, podcast or personal development video, but you never implemented what you learned in the last one Accomplished women get stuck in cycles of learning without taking action.
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Learning becomes a crutch because we believe we are making progress. Really, we're just filling ourselves to a sort of intellectual obesity, with no forward movement. Learning in and of itself is not a bad thing, but when you use learning to compensate for a soul injury, you overload your backpack. We also need to discuss relying on the advice of others as a vice, as with information overload. You seek a coach, mentor or guru to give you a magic apricadaverse resolution so you can feel better in the moment, but this is not true healing.
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One of the beautiful things that came out of the pandemic was so many more people sharing their knowledge and expertise through social media. This was also one of the most dangerous outcomes of the pandemic, as there is no vetting process for these self-proclaimed experts. Anyone with a cell phone has access to share with the world and in our desperation, we consume all this content. You find yourself at a stuck place and you just want out. You're willing to listen to anyone who seems to have an answer. Friend. I believe in finding the right coach.
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I have seen the impact of listening to the right people in my own life. I have also seen the consequences of listening to someone else without hearing my own spirit first. Holy Spirit speaks to me, about me, but sometimes I ignore him and resort to an answer from a human. I can see what worked for someone else may not be your answer. On this journey, you will learn how to hear what God is speaking to your heart. So you don't waste time following a path set for someone else. Learn to trust yourself. Your answer is inside of you. Finally, I need you to consider how achievement might be a vice for you. Anytime you hear sage advice more than once in a lifetime, you need to hold on to it. One piece of advice has kept me grounded through the years and I've heard it from two powerful women.
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At a university where I worked, we held an annual Leadership Lecture series. Through these lectures, I had the honor of meeting Dr Cornell West, soledad O'Brien, condoleezza Rice and Nikki Giovanni, just to name a few. During these events, the distinguished guest had dinner with a small group of students and administrators prior to addressing a large crowd of community members. On two occasions several years apart, we hosted former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright and former First Lady Laura Bush. Both women were asked the question how do you balance it all? Side note, it's interesting that in my years of attending these events, no one asked the male guest how they balanced it all. What are digress? Both women gave the same answer you can have it all, but not all at the same time. The former First Lady shared how, when her daughters were young, she took a back seat on community initiatives and projects, dedicating herself to caring for her babies. As they grew older, she gained more freedom to invest her time outside of her home. She encouraged the crowd of college students to honor the season you're in and expect that season to change, which means your priorities will change.
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This advice has carried me through the different seasons of my life. When I was that young single professional, I made 10-year plans and mapped out exactly where I would be and what I would achieve at each junction. Life has a way of teaching you to calm down. Now I have no list. I learned to seize the moment. I give my very best in the season I'm living in, within the boundaries of what my life allows. I'm learning that comparison is a thief, so I walk my own journey and keep my eyes off of everyone else's. I learned to be content while pressing. I know how to work without striving. I don't always do it well, but what peace I experience when I do Be fair to your dreams. Purpose is a process, not a pinnacle you arrive at someday. There is no destiny. You can microwave for five minutes. Let sit for one and then enjoy.
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Our culture of going viral has ruined the concept of consistency. We forget that the people who quote go viral were usually grinding in the shadows for years before anyone noticed. Some of my favorite influencers have hundreds of thousands of followers, but they've been pressing for 10 years or more before hitting that number. Low and steady win the race every time. Stop trying to get the quick win and give steady and consistent a try. Dreams take time to mature. Destiny takes time to develop. Invest well where you are today and you will be more than ready when the next door opens. What vices do you run to for comfort? Where do you hide when you're overwhelmed? What habits and behaviors hold you captive to old belief systems? What do you believe about God's thoughts about you?
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Recently I had the opportunity to encourage another woman concerning God's love for her. I told her how God loved her before she could love him back. I shared how he pursued her until she was ready to accept his love. I told her he was not angry with her and he was ecstatic that she would invite him into her heart. It was a beautiful conversation and I could feel Holy Spirit's presence as we shared. Immediately after the conversation, as I sat for a moment just reflecting, I heard a question in my heart Patrice, do you believe that about you? Do you believe I love you like that? The question came as a shock because at the moment I could not say yes. I wanted to answer affirmatively, but the truth was I had never considered his love for me in this way. I'd had similar conversations with many people over the years, but never with myself.
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I grew up in a very religious environment. We went to church at least three to four times a week, and church services lasted three to four hours. The church was the center of our lives. Everything was planned around the church schedule. I am so grateful for my upbringing because it's the foundation of who I am today, but I didn't learn much about God's love. I learned of His wrath, of His holiness, how we should honor Him and how we should fear Him. I learned heaven is the goal and hell is to be avoided at all costs. I learned to walk on eggshells and to hide from Him in shame when I missed the mark. I accepted a God who I believed was waiting to punish me if I made any missteps. This was not the God I presented to others but, if I'm honest, this angry God with a chip on his shoulder was the God I tried to serve up until the year I wrote this book. I always saw Him as my Heavenly Father. But Father to me meant disengaged, separate and harsh. Father, in my mind, was someone I needed to impress to receive His love, but who was not easily impressed. Father was a high, lofty position my heart desired to touch, but respect kept me far from Him.
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I am learning even in this moment that our Heavenly Father is not like earthly fathers. Through study of His Word, I'm learning His heart is to love first. In Romans 5 and 8, paul wrote but God demonstrates His own love for us in this. While we were still sinners, christ died for us. God gave me His very best and paid the ultimate price to have a relationship with me before I could ever do anything good or bad. For this is how God loved the world. He gave His one and only Son so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life John 3.16. In Exodus, 20 and 6, god says but I lavish unfailing love for a thousand generations on those who love me and obey my commands. My Heavenly Father is not like man. He is the only one who can love with an unfailing love. I am also learning he didn't just love the world, but he also loves me Personally and specifically. God loves me so specifically that he has counted every hair on my head Luke 12 and 7,. He tracks my sorrows, stores my tears in a bottle in heaven and records each one in a heavenly book Psalm 56 and 8. How intimate is that kind of love. I am learning that the Creator of heaven and earth is madly in love with me and it is safe for me to love Him.
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What do you believe about God's thoughts concerning you? What are you hiding? During a virtual keynote speech, a participant asked me if I carry shame connected with my burnout story. I appreciated the question because releasing shame is an ongoing process for me. I told her yes, I have shame attached to how I left my job with no notice. But the more I tell the story, the more I'm released from shame. I can acknowledge that I disappointed many people in that transition and it was the best decision I could make for me. At the moment, I embrace both truths. Who do you believe you are? Shame attaches itself to your identity and holds on like a leech, sucking away your strength. Shame will hold you captive to one season of your life, while time is steadily moving on. Shame will cause you to hide instead of allowing your brilliance to shine through.
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Shame is the first negative emotion mentioned in the Bible. Genesis 3, verses 7 through 8, says At that moment their eyes were opened and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves. When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden, so they hid from the Lord God among the trees. And the response to shame is always the same we hide. We hide our gifts, we hide our accomplishments, we hide our brilliance. I've learned shame can only thrive in places we are willing to hide. Shame cannot live where we shine the light. I am determined to tell my whole story, spreading light into every corner of my life. So shame has no place to hide. You too can tell your story. It's the only way to release the grip of shame. Shame and brilliance cannot thrive in the same space. So it's time to walk out of shame and enter the fullness of brilliance.
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Uncover what you believe you need to hide. Say it out loud. Tell a trusted friend or mentor. Speak with a counselor. Say that thing you think no one can see, so you can be free. What are you hiding? Where do you need to shine light on your story? To uncover experiences that are holding you back? Who do you need to forgive?
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Growing up, I felt abandoned by my biological father. I heard stories of how he deserted my mother and me after he found out she was pregnant. I rarely saw him because he was in the army and always lived far away. This distance solidified our estrangement in my mind. He was married and had more children. I was jealous of them because I felt like they got what belonged to me. I grew up with a hate in my heart for him, which led to me hating every part of me that looked like him. Although I can look back now and see his attempts to connect with me, I rejected every attempt in my effort to protect my heart. I will never forget the season when God began to deal with my heart concerning my father.
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I was a young adult living in San Antonio, texas, and connected to a powerful church. I was on fire for God. I was excited about my walk with him and willing to do whatever he said, until he said I want you to forgive your father. Wait a minute, god. Isn't there a ministry you want me to do or some hungry people I can feed? God asked for the one thing I was not ready to give him my bitterness. I held unforgiveness for my father so long that bitterness began taking root in my heart. Hebrews 12 and 15 instructs us to avoid bitterness. Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you.
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Corrupting many Before God would allow my brilliance to truly flow. He required me to offer him my heart so he could heal it. Notice I said God did the healing. This wasn't something I could do on my own. I needed the love and power of Almighty God to release this pain, and he did. Today, my father is my best friend. It took time and lots of prayer, but we now enjoy the relationship we should have had from the beginning. I'm a daddy's girl. Folks who meet us now have no idea of the journey we've taken. There is no residue of unforgiveness or bitterness left between us. The direction of my life completely shifted after I allowed God to pull up the bitter roots. I met my husband. I got promoted several times at work. I discovered my brilliance and took the leap to live fully in it. The freedom I experienced today began the day I decided to allow God to help me forgive. If you want to hear Dad and me tell the whole story, listen to episodes 9 and 10 of the Disrupting Burnout podcast.
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I hear you saying they don't deserve it. I know, but remember, forgiveness is not for them, forgiveness is for you. Bitterness will take root in your heart and strangle the life out of every dream. You deserve to live free. You were created to live free. Jesus died so you can be free. You didn't deserve the sacrifice of Jesus either, but he gave his life out of love. Holding on to unforgiveness will skew your vision and bring calamity. Remember, the root determines the fruit. You do not want a harvest of bitter fruit. Allow God to pull up the bitter roots and replace them with the fruit of his spirit. This is true freedom, friend. Who hurt you? Who do you need to forgive? How did they hurt you? What exactly do you need to forgive them for?
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Recently, god showed me I had a root of bitterness in my heart against him. To make his point, he took me back to my childhood, where I was the little girl who carried her doll everywhere. At the age of four, I had a whole diaper bag full of tiny diapers and fake baby bottles with disappearing liquid. If you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would have said a mommy. When I got married, I just knew my dreams were coming true. I love my baby girl, my daughter from my husband's first marriage, but my heart ate for a child from my own womb. Baby girl is her own miracle, not a replacement for the baby I desired. Looking at a picture of us together, many people have a hard time telling us apart. Even though we share no blood between us. She is a miracle in her own right, but not the miracle I expected. My husband is the last male in his direct family line, so I expected God would bless us with a son to carry on the Jackson name. I just knew this little baby was coming in.
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One year, two years, three years, four years, five years no baby. I took a pregnancy test every month. Eventually I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome PCOS a symptom of which is irregular cycles. In those years I could go several months to a year without having a period at all. So I took pregnancy tests every month in secret in the bathroom by myself. I took them in secret because I didn't want to drive and were crazy, and I didn't want to look crazy to anyone else. They were negative every month.
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At one point we thought maybe we were called to foster or adopt. When the case worker visited our home, she sat with us and walked us through some of the process. During her visit I became so uneasy to the point that I had to walk away. I knew in my spirit that adoption just wasn't right for us. I couldn't explain it I don't have an explanation to this day but I knew it wasn't the route for us. So we stopped that process and never revisited it. And years continued to go by. The Bible says Hope deferred makes the heart sick, and every year without a baby broke my heart Proverbs 13 and 12.
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After eight years of praying, hoping and trying, I decided I could not believe anymore. I accepted my fate as an infertile woman and went on to throw my energy into work and ministry. I thought I'd let it go. At that point Mother's Day was still a hard day, but at least I wasn't praying over negative pregnancy tests. Every month I felt better. I felt like I could breathe, I could laugh again, I moved on with my life, or so I thought.
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I hit a point where I felt distant from God, like I couldn't hear Him or feel Him like I used to. Through prayer and therapy. I realized my heart was still broken from never having a baby. I was full of disappointment. I'd released the dream, but I'd never mourned. I accepted what seemed to be God's will, but I had never healed. In truth, I was angry with Him. I watched women who professed to never want children have them, while I was left barren. As soon as this bitterness came to my attention, I began to confess my anger to God and he began to heal this area of life.
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Mother's Day is still hard and even reading this section brings tears to my eyes, but I am no longer angry when I have moments of sadness. I feel Him embrace me with love as I release the tears. I walk this journey with God, trusting that he knows what's best for me and he holds my heart when I want to fall apart. He understands, friend, I want to stop for a spoonful of PBJ and honestly, at this moment I want to stop reading, but I'm going to finish the chapter for you. I just want to say I say this a lot, but I need to say it in this moment more than one thing can be true. It can be true that you trust God and you're disappointed at life's circumstances. It can be true that you know God loves you and your heart is broken from the challenges that you are facing or that you have faced.
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And I think it's important for us to share and for us to hear about those areas of life that did not work out the way that we expect. And I've heard it all. You know, I've heard that God's not done and he still might, you know, give us a baby. You know, I've heard that my daughter is the baby that I've always wanted and I just need to accept that. And you know, I've heard all the things, but here's the truth. I am overwhelmingly grateful for God's goodness in my life and I recognize that he's been more than enough and more than good. And when I think about my desire for a child, it still breaks my heart that that has not happened for us and that's that. On that, it's okay to tell the truth and say God is good. He is more than good. And there's areas in my life where my heart is still broken and I think that's just life and I think it's time for us to tell the truth. So thank you for allowing me to share this truth with you. I believe that God can do whatever he wants. There's no doubt in my mind if it were the Lord's will and he wants us to have a baby at any age, at any time, even though Lord let's talk about it because your girls getting old If God decided and he wanted us to have a baby, he can do it. There's no doubt in my mind that he can do it. So I just trust that he knows what's best and he will do what's best for us, and I say amen to that.
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Let's get back to the story. Are you holding a grudge against God? Do you harbor any disappointment about the way your life has unfolded? Do you have any bitterness concerning what God allowed or did not allow in your life? You can confess pain and resentment to him. He can handle it. Maybe you endured childhood trauma, or maybe he didn't allow you to go into the career field you desired. Maybe you experienced divorce or endured illness. Maybe you lost a loved one or survived abuse. Whatever bitterness you may be holding in your heart, it is safe for you to confess it to him. Tell him you're angry. Let him know your heart is broken. His shoulders are strong enough to handle your bitterness, but your heart is not strong enough to continue to carry it. God is faithful and he is loving to forgive you and to heal those places where you hold bitterness. Even when the bitterness is against him, he is kind and loving toward you. In fact, he is already aware of the bitterness. Your confession is just an invitation for him to heal it. One more quick spoonful of PBJ here.
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And I want to be very clear when I say this there is no failure. In God there is no failure. So I don't count my lack of getting pregnant and having a baby as a failure Because, like I said, our God is perfect in all of his ways, and not just generally perfect, but perfect concerning me. He knows every detail about my life and my body and he knows what's best. And I'm not saying that everything that happens in the world is God's decision, right, because we have free will. There's evil in the world, there's all kinds of things going on here that just happen right and God loves us through it. So I just want to be very, very clear that God does not fail. He's perfect in all his ways. I don't understand it. I may not understand it until I get to heaven, and that's okay, but sometimes we need to accept that. We just don't understand. Sometimes there's just not an answer and we need to be okay not knowing everything. All right, thank you for letting me share friends. Let's get back to it.
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Next section what are your blind spots? In my first breakthrough in counseling, I shared how I felt like I was disappointing everyone in my life. I didn't feel like I was a good mom, good wife, good daughter, sister or auntie the only area I felt like I excelled was my career. My therapist pointed out how I limited my access to receiving love to what I could do for other people. She called it transactional love. I didn't feel like I was a good wife, mom, daughter, sister or auntie because I didn't feel like I could give my people everything they needed. She helped me see how I evaluated my worthiness based on what I could give. I couldn't see this for myself. It just seemed normal to me, so normal that I couldn't see it as a barrier. My therapist offered me a mirror to see this blind spot in my life so I could address it.
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You cannot see your blind spots because they feel so natural to you. Some of the ideas, beliefs and systems holding you back have become impossible for you to see. In the heart work community, my virtual coaching community of women of faith, we reveal the blind spots in our lives. I often have the opportunity to hold up a mirror with participants to help them see the full story. Understanding the source of false narratives empowers you to dismantle that story and create a new belief in that area of your life. Allow someone to help you Look in the mirror so you can see what you are truly carrying? What blind spots are hindering your brilliance? Do the heart work? What does the Bible say about God's thoughts about you? Search the scriptures to find evidence of how much God loves you. Select three verses that speak to you in the most powerful way. Write these verses on an index card and carry them around with you through the day. Read your verses aloud to yourself several times throughout each day until you can say them without reading.