Have you ever felt like the world would stop spinning if you took a step back from your responsibilities? I certainly have. But what I discovered upon stepping back was a revelation that not only liberated me but also allowed the people I love to flourish. Embark on this transformative journey with me, as we dissect the intricate stories we weave into our lives—stories that often dictate our self-worth and identities, and can lead to burnout if left unchecked. By answering targeted reflective questions and applying liberating truths, we steer towards a life of genuine brilliance, shedding the heavy cloaks of indispensability and perfect narratives we mistakenly thought we needed to maintain.
Transforming our lives begins with an internal revolution—recognizing our self-worth, believing in our potential, and affirming our purpose. In this episode, I share the encouragement and borrowed beliefs from mentors that propelled me beyond my self-doubt, and invite you to do the same. Together, we'll tackle the negative narratives that might be holding you back, whether it's the specter of imposter syndrome, the trap of overcompensation, or the relentless pursuit of perfectionism. Through heartfelt affirmations and practical exercises, we'll rewrite these limiting beliefs into empowering declarations. So, join me in embracing the changes that start from within, and let's step into our anointing with hearts unfettered and spirits soaring.
Have you ever felt like the world would stop spinning if you took a step back from your responsibilities? I certainly have. But what I discovered upon stepping back was a revelation that not only liberated me but also allowed the people I love to flourish. Embark on this transformative journey with me, as we dissect the intricate stories we weave into our lives—stories that often dictate our self-worth and identities, and can lead to burnout if left unchecked. By answering targeted reflective questions and applying liberating truths, we steer towards a life of genuine brilliance, shedding the heavy cloaks of indispensability and perfect narratives we mistakenly thought we needed to maintain.
Transforming our lives begins with an internal revolution—recognizing our self-worth, believing in our potential, and affirming our purpose. In this episode, I share the encouragement and borrowed beliefs from mentors that propelled me beyond my self-doubt, and invite you to do the same. Together, we'll tackle the negative narratives that might be holding you back, whether it's the specter of imposter syndrome, the trap of overcompensation, or the relentless pursuit of perfectionism. Through heartfelt affirmations and practical exercises, we'll rewrite these limiting beliefs into empowering declarations. So, join me in embracing the changes that start from within, and let's step into our anointing with hearts unfettered and spirits soaring.
Chapter 7, change the Narrative. The most critical part of checking your baggage is identifying and revising the stories you tell yourself. Prior to my burnout moment, I told myself no one would care for my students like I did. I called all 25,000 students mine because that was the way I saw them. I saw myself in this pseudo-parental role and I wore it like a badge of honor. Some of my students even called me Mama Dean, to add the parental role to my professional title Dean of Students. I loved them like they were mine and at times blurred the lines in my heart, failing to acknowledge they were not mine.
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The worst part of leaving my executive position was leaving my students. Some of them had allowed me to walk through the deepest traumas with them. I'd held their hands and held them close when they needed. I'd listened to their troubles and guided them through as they allowed. What would they do without me? Well, I'll tell you what they did without me. They kept living, they kept breathing. They even had the nerve to graduate and pursue careers without me being there, the nerve of them to survive without me. I say that in jest now, but there was a time when I truly thought they would not be okay without me. Friend, I told myself I couldn't take time off, change jobs or even take a break during the day, because my students needed me. It wasn't until I could not be there due to burnout that I realized this story I told myself was not true. I had a powerful impact on their lives and they could make it without me. More than one thing can be true. What stories are you telling yourself?
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Human beings are natural storytellers. Whether recounting the story of a first love or passing down family traditions, our stories are our lives. For as long as human beings have existed, we've shared stories as a cornerstone of communication. We tell stories naturally, even to ourselves. Our brains work that way. Think of the mama trying to get in touch with her teenager who won't answer the phone. Often the mother's mind wanders to a worst case scenario. There have been too many days when I pictured my child in a ditch somewhere just because I couldn't reach her. Any time there's a lack of information. Human beings fill that gap with our imagination and most of the time the story we create is much worse than reality. Identify the gaps.
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To beat burnout and live in brilliance, you must take control of the stories you are telling yourself. The first step in controlling your story is to identify where you have a lack of information and you've filled in the gaps with your imagination. You may find gaps in your assumptions about the emotions and motives of other people. There are often gaps concerning the outcome of a specific action or decision. You have gaps concerning your future, the decisions of others, your health, the world and so much more. As intelligent as you are, you cannot know everything. So, friend, learn to accept the fact that you have gaps in information. Stop forcing yourself to have an answer when you don't. Learn to rest in the unknown. Identify the stories. Next, you must identify the stories you created, as well as those passed along to you.
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What stories are you telling yourself? What stories have you created in your mind and in your heart that are leading you to burnout? What stories did you learn from others? I told myself stories like I need to work 10 times harder than my colleagues.
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A good Christian sacrifices everything. God is fit up with me. The next promotion or degree will make me happy and bring me peace. If I don't do it, nobody else will. If I don't show up, no one will help my students. I must have a sparkling house and a great dinner ready. Otherwise I'm not a good wife. If I don't answer the phone, the person calling won't love me anymore. Worse, they'll think I don't love them. If I don't respond to every text message, people will think I don't care. If I don't go above and beyond at work, no one will respect me. If I don't say yes to every project, my boss will think I'm not committed. If I don't say yes to every church obligation, people will think I don't love Jesus.
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How many of these stories resonate with you? Have you told similar stories? Did you learn similar stories? It can be most difficult to change a story when some element of it is true. It may be true that no one else will show up if you don't, but does that mean you have to? It may be true that your people feel unloved when you don't respond in the way they desire, but does that mean what they feel is true? Are you allowing yourself to be tangled up in their story of not being loved? Friend, you must question the stories you carry and confront them with the truth, because the stories you believe create your reality. My stories were strangling me. They were choking the life out of me.
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Identify your stories by answering the following questions in your disrupting burnout journal. What stories are you telling yourself? What story have you created in your own heart that's leading you to burnout and choking the life out of you? Apply truth. After you identify the story, you must apply truth to that story. Now. This can be uncomfortable because the truth doesn't always feel good. However, jesus taught the truth you believe will make you free John 8 and 32.
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In my case, I believed everyone in my life needed me. The truth was it was less about people needing me and more about my emotional need to be needed. It was more about my identity being wrapped up in achievement. It was more about myself worth being wrapped up in validation from others. That truth is still tough to swallow. My truth is I'm very good at supporting people in their toughest times and I take it overboard if I do not honor my boundaries. Apply truth by answering the following questions in your disrupting burnout journal what is the truth concerning your stories? What is the truth from the Word of God? I love Tabitha Brown.
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Before she became a vegan expert, america's auntie and a social media influencer, tabitha Brown tried to be what she believed Hollywood and the professional world expected her to be. In an interview on the Sister Circle podcast with Crystal Evans Hearst called Showing Up for Yourself, tabitha described how she straightened her hair, tried to hide her North Carolina accent and told herself the story that in order to be accepted and successful, she had to be what they wanted her to be. They refers to whomever held her next big break. It wasn't until Tabitha made the decision to be genuine and honest with herself that she created her own platform and her life completely changed. Everything she'd waited more than 20 years for immediately flooded into her life when she confronted her stories with truth. Sometimes your stories come from those who should love you most.
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My client, camilla, immigrated to the United States when she was a child. Camilla had to learn a new language and new culture. Then, in her high school years, her family told her it was time to leave school so she could help bring in some money for the family. Camilla begged to stay in school, as she believed this was the key to a better life. She even had teachers speak to her family on her behalf in hopes her parents would change their minds. But that plan failed. Eventually, camilla made a hard decision. She moved out of her parents' home and moved in with the family of a friend to stay in school. This powerhouse of a woman was so dedicated to her education that she went from high school diploma straight through to her doctorate degree with no breaks. Dr Camilla didn't quit school until she had obtained a terminal degree.
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As we laud this great accomplishment, we also need to acknowledge the stories sewn into Camilla along the way. People told Camilla stories like these. We worked so hard to bring you here and now you turn your back on us. You think you're better than us. These stories played Dr Camilla into adulthood, marriage, motherhood and professional life. As accomplished as she was, she could not see her own value. She felt the need to apologize for everything and shied away from advocating for herself. After joining the WELL, my community for women who lead in education, camilla gained confidence. Having other accomplished women applaud her, support her and challenge her gave Camilla the strength she needed to begin a job search for her next position. She saw the positive impact she had on her students students like her and felt called to make that impact at a higher level. Through supportive community and reframing her stories, camilla recognized and accepted her own brilliance.
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If you did not do so while reading this section, now's the time to do this hard work. Write down some of the stories you carry. Under each story, identify the truth you know about each situation. Remember you do not have to fill in the gaps. You can learn to accept that you don't know it all. This activity may be a challenge, so show yourself some grace.
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Here are some truths to get you started. The truth is you are worthy no matter how hard you work. You are created worthy. The truth is you are not in competition with the next woman or any other person. God created you with your own very own, innate, unique brilliance. There is no competition. When you show up as you, when you live in that brilliance, not only is there ease and grace, but there's also power and impact. The truth is you are valuable. The truth is you are loved by our Heavenly Father, regardless of your works, and there is nothing you can do to separate yourself from His love.
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Change the narrative. To be free, you must apply the truth to the stories you're telling yourself. After you apply truth, change the narrative. Speak to yourself in a different way. You must cast down stories that come to mind as soon as they come up. This is important. Speak the truth out loud to yourself. Truth is activated when it is spoken. The more you speak that truth, the more freedom you will experience in your heart, your mind, your spirit and your body. So if you're ready to disrupt burnout and embrace brilliant's friend, it's time to speak the truth.
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Let's start here. Declare this aloud. I align my life with the plan of God for me. I release everything that hinders my progress and I embrace everything that leads to brilliance. I am healthy, wealthy, strong and courageous. I will identify every mindset that does not align with my Heavenly Father's thoughts about me and replace it with His design. I see me as God sees me. I want to encourage your heart, friend. You can be free.
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In our foundational scripture, jesus said my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11 and 30. If your responsibilities are heavy and choking you, or your burden is too much for you to bear, it's not something God gave you. It's the truth Head, heart, hands. It's often said if you know better, you do better. Friend, I'm here to tell you that just isn't true. Raise your hand if there's something you know right now that you haven't implemented in your life. I'm raising both hands because I'm the queen of gathering new information and doing nothing with it.
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Before we move on to building boundaries, we need to discuss the power of belief. Changing the narrative requires you to transform your belief systems. This journey is not just about new knowledge. You know enough right now to live in freedom. The problem is you don't know how to apply what you know. In disrupting burnout, we transform knowledge into action. You will be a different woman at the end of this experience because you'll know how to apply the strategies.
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The path to transformation begins in your head, moves to your heart and results in your hands. Head, your head, represents awareness. All transformation begins with access and awareness. People often think money causes the great divide among people in our society. I would argue access and awareness are the real chasms. You cannot implement what you don't know. It's difficult to imitate what you have never seen. I've seen the power of awareness in my own life. Joining coaching communities with women who are accomplishing goals I set for myself gave me a view of what was possible for me. I'm living in circumstances I couldn't have dreamed up just a few months ago, because I've been exposed to more. And, friend, let me tell you, once you've been exposed, it becomes difficult, torturous, even to settle for less. This provokes you to consider new possibilities. But don't stop at awareness. Alone, it's not enough to produce lasting change.
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The next step is critical Heart. The heart stands for belief, and belief is the core component of transformation. We feel proud of ourselves when we gain new knowledge, insight or awareness. But if you're honest, you know awareness is not enough. You have sufficient knowledge right now to move mountains. Knowledge is not your problem, friend. Your lack of belief in what you know is the problem Even deeper. Not believing it's true for you is the real problem.
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It's often easier to think powerful thoughts about others than it is to accept the same power for yourself. You can learn something new every day of the week, but it means nothing if you do not believe it. You don't get what you know. You get what you believe. Have you ever considered why affirmations are so powerful? Affirmations work because the act of speaking creates belief. Your words are powerful creators. Speaking according to your awareness moves knowledge from your head to your heart. Awareness becomes belief through confession. I would take the leap to say if you look at your life right now, you will see you are living in the results of what you have said over and over. If you want to start believing something new, begin to say something new. Say it before you believe it. Say it until you believe it. Sometimes we need to borrow belief until we have it for ourselves.
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Prior to writing this book, I often said I'm not a writer. I was never heralded as a good writer in school. My writing was always returned to me with more red markings than black type. I didn't become a reader until I started writing a dissertation and one of my professors told me reading would make me a better writer. This is true, by the way. I wrote an entire dissertation based on borrowed belief. The leader of my dissertation committee, dr Terry Melton, believed in my ability to finish, so I trusted her. Dr Melton had years of research experience under her belt, as well as hundreds of students she has supported through the dissertation process. I believed more in her than I believed in myself, so I just did what she told me to do. My belief in my writing ability did not change in that process. I graduated with my doctorate still saying I'm not a writer, but I graduated because I had someone in my life who believed when I did not.
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This book you are listening to right now is evidence that borrowed belief produces fruit. I almost did not write this book. My dissertation process was so traumatizing I was convinced I never wanted to write again. Let me be clear, because I know there are some real PhD horror stories out there. My dissertation committee was the best. I would not have finished without their support. However, the dissertation process is not set up to be empowering. Defending your work in that process feels like hazing, like being intellectually jumped into the academy. Therefore, many people quit before accomplishing the goal. Others finish but carry the scars of the process for years to come.
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The trauma of the dissertation process kept me from beginning this book project. For several years I was very comfortable speaking but was unwilling to even start writing. I believed writing was not my ministry and I lived in that belief until I met a book coach named Candace L Davis. Candace challenged the belief that I am not a writer. She confronted me with the conflict of how I could possibly be a great speaker and not a great writer. She shared that writing and speaking are truly the same gift. It's all communication. I'd never considered it that way before. Candace invited me into writing sessions where I could write along with others who were writing for the first time and some who had published several works. She had me join monthly meetings where we discussed our writing challenges and celebrated each other's victories. Candace addressed my fears with logic and challenged my story about myself.
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As I typed more words into this manuscript, I was forced to acknowledge I was doing exactly what I always said I could not do. The proof was in front of me and I could no longer deny it. I was writing, I am a writer. I needed an editor, but I am a writer. I became anxious about sharing this work at some points, but I am a writer. I was never praised or awarded for my writing before, but I am a writer. This book is proof.
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Borrowed belief will carry you until you begin to believe for yourself. Let me pause here for a minute. I am reading this section just brings tears to my eyes and fills my heart with gratitude, because at this point, I can't imagine not writing this book. There was a time, one year ago, this very time, that I decided that I was going to buckle down and get this done, and even then I did not fully understand or fully believe that it would happen. And now, one year later, I cannot imagine that I would not have gotten this thing done. Borrow my belief until you have it for yourself. Borrow my belief that you are brilliant. Borrow my belief that there is something God has called you to do in this season that no one else can do but you. No one else can do like you. Borrow my belief that there is a specific anointing on your life like nobody else, and as you become more aware of that anointing, your heart will be the most free. Alright, let's get back to the story. Let me be clear, friend.
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Heart work is not about following your heart. That idea does not align with the word of God. Heart work is about transforming your heart. You need to believe something different, to live a different life. Speak to your heart until you begin to believe the truth about your brilliance. Confess the truth in a whisper or in a roar, the volume does not matter, but the repetition is important. Say it more than once, say it every day. Say it before you believe it. Say it until the burden falls from your shoulders. Say it until your heart is free. Take the awareness you receive in these pages and say it from your lips. Then watch what happens as your heart begins to believe in your brilliance, at the core of our conversation here are your belief systems. You will have whatever you say and you will be what you believe. The heart work strategies will help you speak and believe the truth.
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After doing your own heart work, powerful action just flows naturally. Hands Finally, the hands represent action. You will always act according to what you believe. Most people try to move directly from awareness to action. Then they experience shame when that cycle doesn't work. You are not lazy or unintelligent. Change is not about motivation, because motivation is fleeting. Change only occurs when your beliefs align with your awareness. Change the narrative to change your behavior. Become open to new awareness. Confess the truth until you believe it and watch how your actions begin to align. The doing becomes easier and more authentic when you honor the path. Do the heart work.
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As an accomplished woman, I know you've been in many environments that led you to create stories of perfectionism, overcompensating and imposter syndrome. It is critical to your purpose that you rewrite these stories. Here are a few affirmations from the women in my heart work community to help you get started. I am proud of myself. I positively impact everyone I encounter. I am beautifully created by God. I speak with grace and power. My voice commands attention. I am enough right now as I am today. I am a woman of God. I am fearfully and wonderfully made by God. I am worthy of what Psalm 139 and 14. I am loved, no matter what I am worthy, without performance or accomplishment. I live in peace. I operate from a place of peace. Peace is my portion. I was born to shine. I always win.
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Begin to speak these affirmations to yourself every day. Now it's your turn. Go to your Disrupting Burnout Journal. Read through the statements listed there and identify which stories you believe about yourself. Take note of the old story and receive the truth offered in each line. Create an affirmation that allows you to speak true to those old stories. Your affirmations should be concise, written in present tense and represent a clear declaration. Bonus points if you can connect your affirmation to a scripture. First, go to your journal and get started.