Ever felt like you're just non-stop? That's been me lately. But guess what? I had a bit of an "aha!" moment about the magic of hitting pause in our crazy busy lives. So, this episode is super special—it's part confession and part guide.
I'll take you through my own whirlwind of endless tasks and commitments and the moment I realized that disconnecting needs to be mental, not just physical. We often trap ourselves with the idea that we're too essential to stop, right? I'll share some personal stories and the wisdom I've picked up about stepping back from the brink.
In this chat, we get into the nitty-gritty of creating meaningful, restorative breaks that are crucial not just for getting by, but for truly thriving. And nope, this isn't about indulging in luxury; it’s about setting the stage for sustained creativity and energy.
I'll guide you on how to craft these pauses intentionally so they become a non-negotiable part of our lives, immune to the usual hustle of work demands. We'll also talk about the rejuvenating power of changing up our environments and how essential these breaks are.
So, let's dive in and learn together how stopping can actually be the start of igniting our true potential. Can't wait to share this journey with you!
Ever felt like you're just non-stop? That's been me lately. But guess what? I had a bit of an "aha!" moment about the magic of hitting pause in our crazy busy lives. So, this episode is super special—it's part confession and part guide.
I'll take you through my own whirlwind of endless tasks and commitments and the moment I realized that disconnecting needs to be mental, not just physical. We often trap ourselves with the idea that we're too essential to stop, right? I'll share some personal stories and the wisdom I've picked up about stepping back from the brink.
In this chat, we get into the nitty-gritty of creating meaningful, restorative breaks that are crucial not just for getting by, but for truly thriving. And nope, this isn't about indulging in luxury; it’s about setting the stage for sustained creativity and energy.
I'll guide you on how to craft these pauses intentionally so they become a non-negotiable part of our lives, immune to the usual hustle of work demands. We'll also talk about the rejuvenating power of changing up our environments and how essential these breaks are.
So, let's dive in and learn together how stopping can actually be the start of igniting our true potential. Can't wait to share this journey with you!
Friend, when was the last time you stopped? No, like a real stop. I know you feel like you are on the roller coaster and you wish somebody would stop the ride, just so you can get to bed, hopefully, get some sleep, maybe get some rest to wake up the next day to do it all over again. I'm here to tell you that sometimes the most productive thing you can do is stop, but I'm convinced you don't know how to stop. So today I'm going to teach you how to stop for real, not permanently, but you need a brief moment, you need a minute, you need just a time, a timeout. You need to learn how to stop. Let's get into it, friend.
Speaker 1:
Oh, my goodness, I have been on the road for about a month and a half and I love it and it's a lot, and your girl was tired, listen. I have been from Idaho to Champaign, illinois, to Chicago, to Atlanta and a few other places in between, and I have met some phenomenal folks, some compassionate, purposeful professionals. We've been talking about disrupting burnout and managing our capacity and leading with civility. And let me tell you, your girl came home tired and I knew, I knew this was going to be a push. I knew that I was back to back. I would literally fly home, have a day to wash clothes, repack. I didn't even have time to put stuff in the dry cleaners and get it out. Like I was planning ahead my dry cleaning so that I could have clean jackets because y'all know I love my blazers I could have clean jackets for the next trip not the current trip, but the next trip. It was quite an undertaking and I loved every bit of it, and when I got back it was a swift reminder girl, you need to stop. And even on the road I've been having conversations with folks who don't know how to stop. If you've heard my burnout story, you know that I share that.
Speaker 1:
When I was at home no job, no work, no ministry, nothing going on it was the first time that I realized I did not know how to stop. I didn't know how not to have a full schedule. I didn't know how to sit down somewhere and rest my mind. I didn't know how to stop grinding in my head. I didn't know how not to be responsible for everybody and everything in my life. I did not know how to stop, and I truly believe that if you listen to this podcast, you may not know how to stop either. When was the last time you had a real weekend or some real time off? Not just I'm not physically at work, because you know that you can be physically away from work, but your mind is still at work.
Speaker 1:
First of all, we give people permission. We give folks permission. Well, you know I'm off tomorrow, but call me if you need me. Why they can't figure it out for 24 hours until you get back or there's nobody else. If there is nobody else in your department, in your area, in your system, in your organization that can stand in for you while you take a day off or a couple days off, that's a bigger problem, friend. If folks cannot figure it out until you get back, that's a bigger problem. An organization should not be resting on the shoulders of one person. I am convinced that if you were not accessible, for whatever reason, people would figure it out. I know they would because when I walked away from my job in 2019, those folks figured it out and they are still operating, still matriculating students, still doing that thing, still working their mission, and PBJ is not there. If you're convinced that the world will not go on without you, step away. Step away and you will see that folks will figure it out, even if you can't be there.
Speaker 1:
So I want to talk to you today about how to stop, friend. I'm not talking about sitting on your couch but still grinding your head. I'm not talking about spending your weekend so focused on Monday that you miss Saturday and Sunday. You're not even getting a real rest, when you're supposed to be resting, because you're already contemplating and being anxious about the days to come. Friend, listen to me, it is time for you to learn how to stop. Hey, friend, all right, I had to pause the podcast really quick because I need you to know that we are on our drive to 25. Can you believe it? We are almost at 25,000 downloads on this podcast. I'm talking less than 4,000 downloads and we will be at 25,000. So I need your help. Here's what I need you to do Make sure you download the podcast every week. Make sure you share it with somebody who needs it A sister, a friend, a colleague, a mom, whoever friend. Let's get to 25,000 downloads. I know we can do it and I am so grateful for your help. Oh, I'm excited. Come on, let's do it.
Speaker 1:
So let's start by identifying what a stop is not Okay. So, first of all, a stop is not taking a day off to do a field trip with your child or to serve it at their school, or to serve anywhere, whether you have a child or not, or whether you are partnered or not. A stop is not for you to take a day off to do something for somebody else. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't take that time, I'm not saying you shouldn't love your people in that way, but what I am saying is that doesn't count as your stop, because all you've done is redirected that energy. You have not ceased from pouring out energy. That is our definition of a stop to cease from pouring out or even leaking energy. Listen to me, sometimes you're not even pouring out energy. You are leaking energy because energy is being stolen from you from one place to the other. So you're not pouring out energy Okay.
Speaker 1:
So it's not to stop to take care of you know, to take a parent to the doctor, or to take care of a child, or to help a friend with the program. That is not your stop. You can do that. You can spend your PTO days doing that, but I need you to understand that that is not going to fill your cup. That is not going to refuel your soul. A stop is also not a day to clean your house. Now, listen, I love a good, clean house, okay, and I do understand that some of us recover by getting our house together. So I'm down, I hear you, but that's still pouring out energy. That is not a stop. Can you do it? Yeah, I'm not telling you not to do anything. I just need you to understand what it is. Don't be blinded, don't be hoodwinked to think that you stopped because you did not, and when you get back to work, you might feel better, that you're coming home to a clean house, but you're not going to be refreshed and refueled because, my friend, you did not stop, you were still pouring out energy.
Speaker 1:
A stop is also not catching up all the phone calls of the people that you owe a phone call to. Now there is a possibility that you can talk to a friend and that friend can pour into you and you can pour into them, and that can be refreshing and especially if there's some reciprocity there, that is possible. But what I'm saying is sometimes, when we have a day off, it's like oh, I need to call this one, and I need to call that one and I need to check on this one and I need to check on that one. And, before you know it, you have poured out energy all day long. Friend, you should have went to work. You could have went to work because you've been listening to people's troubles, you have been loving on them, you have been pouring love on them, you have been connecting with them, engaging with them and by the end of the day, you are exhausted. So your stop is not spending your day on the phone or going from house to house checking on people or whatever your friends may need. It's not to say that you are not going to share with your friends, but it is to say that that is not your stop and you need to recognize what a real stop is. Also, not spending your day binging on podcasts and videos and books.
Speaker 1:
Listen, listen to me information gatherers. I got that term from Doreen Rainey and I was offended. The first time she said I was like wait a minute, friend. You in my backyard and I did not invite you in, but it is so true. Doreen Rainey talks about how one of our vices can be filling ourselves with new information.
Speaker 1:
What is this coach saying? What is this person saying? What does this celebrity say? What is Oprah saying? And we're filling ourselves with all of these new ideas but we're doing nothing with it and we feel accomplished just by the learning. But nothing has changed. And sometimes we call ourselves taking a day to just fill ourselves up and I'm going to listen to this and listen to that and catch up on my things. But, friend, that is still energy. You're still pouring out energy, but you're getting nowhere. It's like a hamster on the wheel Sometimes. Sometimes the exhaustion comes because your mind is tired. You may not have been moving your body, running through airports or going from place to place. It may not be a physical tired. It may be a mental exhaustion that you are suffering with. And filling your cup, filling your mind with more and more and more information is not the answer. It is not a real stop. So I want to talk to you about how to stop. How do you take a real stop? Number one do not wait for a break in your schedule. Create the break Now.
Speaker 1:
I know that a lot of my listeners are educators not all of you, but many of you are educators and I know that you all have some stop opportunities. Let's call them stop opportunities. Let's call them stop opportunities. You have some holidays and some breaks that are built into your academic schedule, right, whether you take it as a stop or not, there are some opportunities that are built in. And if you have those opportunities, I encourage you to plan ahead for how you're going to get a real stop during those breaks. I'm just talking to my educators right now. I'm coming back. Friend, if you're not an educator, hang in there with me. I haven't forgotten you.
Speaker 1:
But I do want to say this because in education, we fool ourselves because we say, oh, spring break is coming, oh, winter break is coming. Oh, three more weeks to summer break and, friend, before you know it, that break is coming. Oh, winter break is coming. Three more weeks to summer break and, friend, before you know it, that break is gone. Because you did not intentionally plan for how you were going to stop, not how you were going to not be at the school, not how you were going to not be on campus. Even a vacation is not necessarily a stop. Who are you taking with you, friend, if you're taking care of folks the whole time, you're on vacation? You never took a vacation, you just went to a place. So specifically for my educators. And again, it's because I know you have stop opportunities naturally built in, but you don't always take the opportunity. So I'm here to tell you. So we are a few weeks away from graduations. It's right before May, right at the end of April, as we are recording this podcast. Summer is coming. Summer is coming and summer is going to come and go.
Speaker 1:
If you are not intentional about how you are going to find some moments to stop, you're intentional about what camps the children are going to, you're intentional about what vacation you may be taking, you're intentional about what doctor's appointments you need to get in, you're intentional about what changes you need to make to the house, I want you to be intentional about how you're going to stop. I want you to be intentional about how you're going to stop, how you're going to cease from pouring out energy, whether that is 24 hours, 48 hours, 72 hours a week, whatever you can get in. I want you to find an opportunity Don't wait for the break to show up Plan intentionally for how to stop, and that plan will look like what day? Where am I going to go? Who do I need to let know where I'm going to be and how am I going to do nothing in that space? How am I going to do nothing in that space? How am I going to do nothing in that space? So plan for your stop.
Speaker 1:
If you are not an educator and you don't have those natural breaks planned into your calendar, create it. Look ahead at least three months, 12 months, if you can Look ahead on your calendar right now. Don't wait until the project is done or until the deadline has passed, until whatever marker. You keep telling yourself if I just make it to this marker, if I can just get this project done, if I can just get it finished, if I can just get this project done, if I can just get it finished, if I can just get the approval, if I can just get the sign off, friend, as soon as you do that, the next thing is going to be waiting on you. So where is your stop? Plan ahead, look over the next three months. Look at your calendar today. Look over the next three months, and not when the project is done, but in the process of finishing the project. Because here's the thing you don't understand that you will be able to be so much more creative and think so much more clearly if you plan and implement a few stops in the process.
Speaker 1:
The stop is not the reward. Listen to process the stop is not the reward. Listen to me the stop is not the reward. The stop is wisdom. The stop is strategy. The stop is you understand, you have a human brain that needs to rest and replenish its energy. So look over the next three months, identify the days that you are going to stop, mark them, block them. Do not sacrifice them for any reason at all, so that you know the stop is coming and think intentionally about how you're going to stop.
Speaker 1:
So, number one don't wait for the break. Plan ahead and make the break. Number two, I want you to set yourself up for success. So you have scheduled the stop day, you have put it on your calendar, you have blocked it out. You've told your executive assistant and your family, you've let people know these days I am going to be not accessible. You will not be able to contact me on these days. I'm going to be out, I'm going to be away. Whatever you plan Now you've got to set yourself up for success. Set yourself up for success. So what does that mean? On your stop day? This is critically important.
Speaker 1:
On your stop day, do not touch your computer, don't fool yourself to say, oh, I'm just going to check a couple emails and do a couple things and then I will stop. No, the stop is the priority. Nothing comes before the stop. I'm here to tell you, and you all know it to be true. How many times have you lost a rest day because you told yourself I'm just going to do one thing, I'm just going to check one email, I'm just going to follow up with one call, and that one thing turns into another, turns into another, and before you know it, hours have passed by and you have not rested yet.
Speaker 1:
So to set yourself up for success, on your stop day, you don't touch your computer, you don't open it, you don't turn it on, you don't check the email on your phone. Put your phone on. Do not disturb the night before. Talk to your people, let them know. Not the here's how you get me if you need me, and believe me, y'all, I promise you, if it's all burning down, somebody's going to find you, somebody's going to tell you. We always talk to ourself in worst case scenario. Well, what if something terrible happens and nobody calls me and I don't know. Friend, your people know. They know what's critically important. They know if it's all coming down. They know how to get in touch with you. They know how to let you know when things are bad. So don't worry about that. Even on, do Not Disturb. You can set it up so certain people can break through that and give you a call. Let your folks know I am not going to be available. I'm going to step aside for this day or for this number of hours, or I'll be available after lunch, whatever you can allow yourself to do. But you don't start with email. You don't start with. Let me get one thing done. You don't even touch the computer. Your phone is already on. Do not disturb. You've already told your most important people what to expect. Set yourself up for success. As a matter of fact, once you've told them, once you told people, it holds you accountable. Once you've said I am not going to be accessible, I am taking a stop day, I am not going to be answering the call. And if you call, I know it's a dire need. If you call, I know it's critical and I need to run to where you are. If I don't need to run, then the call can wait. Then the call can wait. So, once you've said it to your people, it will hold you accountable to do it. It will hold you accountable to do it. So you set yourself up for success Already.
Speaker 1:
Decide where you're going, and this is number three Go away. Go away Away from your home, away from your office, away from your normal environment. That doesn't mean you have to go to Cabo or take a cruise. Now, friend, if you can't go on and do it, okay, if you can do it, do it. But I'm talking about those stops in between.
Speaker 1:
Go to a park. Go sit at the lake. Go to the river. Go to a waterfall. Go somewhere outside, beautiful, away from your normal environment. Go to a space that reminds you that the world is bigger than you. Go to a space that you can get some fresh air. Go to a space that your mind can be clear. Listen, leave your phone in the car. I know breathe. I know it's hard to be away from it. Leave your phone in the car or set it away from you so that you don't find yourself constantly picking it up and looking at your phone. Leave it away from you. Go to a place. Environment matters. Place, environment matters If you attempt to stop.
Speaker 1:
Surrounded by all of your responsibilities, if you're sitting on your couch and you're looking around your house and the floor needs vacuuming and mopping and dishes need to be done, or whatever the things are, you're not going to stop because your mind is going to be filled with all the things you could or should be doing. Take yourself to a space. Maybe it's not an outdoor space for you, maybe it's a beautiful space, whatever's beautiful to you. Maybe there's a botanical garden close, or I don't know what you find beautiful, an art museum, whatever is beautiful to you. But go to a space that there's beauty all around you that reminds you of what really matters, that reminds you that the world is big, that reminds you how blessed you are.
Speaker 1:
Take a journal and a pen, because in your stop you may need to pour some things out. Sometimes, in order to stop, we have to get some things out of our minds. If you're in your space and you're trying to stop and your mind is racing, open up your journal and just write whatever's on your mind. Write what this will be number four, bonus number four here we are. Write whatever comes to mind. If your mind is full. Get it out. Just get it out.
Speaker 1:
You may not have an answer, you may not have a solution, but you need to stop carrying it in your head. When you continue to carry it all in your head, it weighs you down and it doesn't allow you to get the stop that you need. Remember, stop means to cease from pouring out energy. So if you got to get all of that out of your head so that you can cease, get all of that out of your head so that you can cease. Get it out of your head, just sit, just be For a moment. Remember that you owe no person, no thing. Just for a moment, consider that you don't owe a soul, that there's no performance, there's no showing up, there's no accomplishment, there's no block to check, there's no judgment, there's no assessment. There is nothing for you to do but just be. Nothing for you to do, but just sit, observe, be filled.
Speaker 1:
Stop, friend, I'm here to tell you that the stop is not going to happen just by you wishing for it and just by you needing it. The stop is not going to happen just by you thinking about it or just by you waiting for the next break. If you don't intentionally stop, your body, your mind, your spirit will force you to stop. Choose to stop today. Choose to stop today, as always. Friend, you are powerful, you are significant and you are loved. Friend, you are brilliant and your brilliance requires you to stop. I challenge you, I need you to do it. Go ahead and stop Practice. You won't be perfect at it at first, but you'll get better as you practice. All right, friend, I'll talk to you next week. Love always, pbj.