Disrupting Burnout
Disrupting Burnout with Dr. Patrice Buckner Jackson is dedicated to overworked, undervalued high-achieving servant leaders who give all to serve others and leave very little for yourself. You are an accomplished woman with many responsibilities and you often find yourself overwhelmed, exhausted, and burned out. I’ve been there. As a matter of fact, burnout almost cost me everything. Compassionate work can carry a high price tag: your mind, body, spirit and relationships may be in distress as you serve the needs of others. I am here to equip your hands and refresh your heart so you can serve in purpose and fulfillment and permanently break cycles of burnout.
Disrupting Burnout
122. Start with Self Leadership: Mastering Your Inner Game
Hey Friend,
Have you ever been thrust into a leadership position without any formal training, suddenly responsible for leading your former bosses and peers? In this episode of our podcast, "Start with Self Leadership," I, Dr. Patrice Buckner Jackson (PBJ), share my personal journey through such a challenging transition.
We delve into why individuals are often promoted based on job performance rather than true leadership skills and discuss the critical need for providing new leaders with the appropriate support and resources. I'll take you through my own transformation from a student assistant to an associate registrar, highlighting how proper preparation for leadership roles is crucial.
But leadership isn’t solely about managing others—it’s also about mastering self-leadership. This episode explores the personal challenges leaders face, like imposter syndrome and negative self-beliefs, which can undermine our potential. You'll hear about a mentor of mine who exemplified balancing professional achievements with strong personal values, showcasing the importance of setting boundaries and recognizing your unique talents.
We also cover the power of team collaboration, sharing a compelling story where embracing each team member's strengths led to consistent success. True leadership begins with oneself, and by valuing both individual and team brilliance, we can foster a more harmonious and effective leadership environment.
Join me as we unpack these essential lessons in leadership and self-discovery. Don’t miss out on a special incentive we’re offering to our dedicated listeners this episode!
P.S. Subscribe to our newsletter to ensure you are eligible to win the Drive to 25,000 downloads gift!
Love Always,
PBJ
Upgrade to Premium Membership to access the Disrupting Burnout audiobook and other bonus content: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1213895/supporters/new
Friend, I've been saying this for years and it still rings true the people part of leadership is the hardest part. So what do you do if you have never been trained, taught, how to lead? Your heart is in the right place, your intentions are in the right place, but you recognize, no one has shown you how to do this. Hey, friend, I am dr patrice buckner jackson, but you can call me pbj. Welcome to another episode of disrupting, where we are giving you the strategies for pouring out purpose without living through and enduring the consequences of burnout. And today I want to talk to you about where to start in leadership. For the last couple of weeks, we've talked about the need to deal with professional misbehavior. Last week, in episode 121, we had the conversation about toxic leadership and how to know if your leadership or the leadership you are under, is toxic. I want to roll things back today in case you say, hey, I see some of those characteristics in my leadership. Or you may say I don't think I'm that leader, but the truth is no one's ever taught me how to lead. What I find over and over, specifically in education, but also in other industries we promote people because they are good at their job. So they may be an excellent teacher, but that doesn't mean they're going to be a great administrator. Just because you are good at your job, that doesn't make you a good people leader. We have people in higher education who are excellent at research and excellent at sharing content with their students, but that doesn't mean they're ready to be the department chair or to be the dean. We have to prepare people for leadership because the people part is the hardest part. If you are leading at any capacity, you recognize and know that the job, the work of it, the task part, you could do with your eyes closed, like you could get it done. If you could do it all yourself, you would do it all yourself. However, leadership is not just about getting the task done. Leadership is more about your responsibilities to other people.
Speaker 1:I was listening to a podcast where Lecrae, who is a Christian rap artist, was interviewing Pastor Darius Daniels. If you've ever heard Pastor Daniels, he's a pastor, but he's also a very wise man in business and relationships and leadership, and Pastor Daniels shared how one of his mentors shared with him. Pastor Daniels was in a spot where he was maybe complaining to his mentor. You know it takes so much time out of my week to coach people and listen to them and support them and give them resources and to address misbehavior. And his mentor very directly said but that's your job as the leader, that is your job. All of the other pieces we can do, we are sufficient in, more than sufficient in. We probably have folks on our team who can help us. But the pieces that nobody else can do, leader, the pieces that no one else can do, are the people parts. That's your responsibility. So how do you learn how to do that?
Speaker 1:My mind goes back to my very first professional leadership position, and I say professional because sometimes we don't give credibility to the spaces that we have led outside of our career. I led as a big sister in my household. I led as captain of the cheerleading squad in high school. I led as an RA in college. So there were many experiences where I led, but this particular experience it was my first professional job out of college and I became associate registrar at the university where I graduated. This was also the office where I was a student assistant. So I transitioned from student assistant answering the phones, filing paperwork, doing projects, to supervising people who used to supervise me projects, to supervising people who used to supervise me and although I was so grateful for the opportunity, I had no idea what I was walking into. No one sat me down and said this is how you lead people. And man did I feel it.
Speaker 1:Friend, just a quick pause for the cause to celebrate that we are 94% towards our goal of 25,000 downloads on this podcast. Friend, you are doing the work and I am so excited to celebrate with you and to reward you. So here's what we're going to do when we hit 25,000 downloads, I am going to give away three one-on-one coaching sessions only to folks who are on my email list. So here's what you need to do Keep listening to the episodes, go to patricebucknerjacksoncom, click subscribe, make sure you give me your email address and when we hit 25,000 downloads, we are going to celebrate and we're going to reward you by making sure that three of you get one-on-one coaching experiences with me. Y'all, let's do the work. We're almost there 25,000. Oh my goodness, almost there 25,000. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1:So I walked into a situation where there were folks who used to be my supervisor when I was a student and now I was supervising them. I walked into a situation where there were folks who had applied for that position and I got the position and they did not. I walked into a situation where the age gap between me and those who I was now the leader for was significant, so I know that my heart was in the right place. I believe they knew that as well. They had known me for my entire time being an undergrad, but they had known me in the capacity of being their student and now I was their boss and I'm honored for the leaders and the search committee and the folks who had so much faith in me to be able to do that job well. And as I look back over it, I have to say that I did do it well. We were very successful in the work that we did together.
Speaker 1:But it was not an easy road and I wish I had had some training, I wish I had had some support, I wish I had had a resource to say PBJ, before you walk, well, back then there was no J, but anyway, before you walk into this leadership experience, here's some things I need you to be aware of. So, as the leader, I want to encourage you, no matter where you are in your leadership journey, whether you are a new leader or seasoned leader. It's always appropriate sometimes to start over, to refresh, to add to our toolkit. I think the first place to start is with self-leadership leadership. So how in the world was I able to have a successful working relationship with folks in the circumstances that I just described to you?
Speaker 1:There was some heart work that I had to do within me. I had to recognize that their frustration wasn't personal, it wasn't about me. Their struggles and when I say their, everybody didn't struggle. There were some who were very supportive from the very beginning and there were some who had some obvious struggles and looking back on it, I completely understand. I even understood then, and we eventually got to the point where we were a thriving team.
Speaker 1:But it was important for me to understand the context that I was walking into and for me to have some empathy and some compassion. I could have walked in with my chest poked out, with a chip on my shoulder, using my position as a weapon or as armor. That would not have been a wise way to lead, but I have seen people lead in that manner. Instead, I walked in with humility, compassion and empathy, and that did not take away from it was my role, my responsibility, me being the leader, but it did open the door for folks to connect with me so that we could do this work together. It opened the door for folks to heal where they had been hurt.
Speaker 1:The hurt wasn't intentional, but the impact was real. There were hurt feelings, there was disappointment, there was misunderstanding. How could this happen? This doesn't make sense. I mean, some folks, I'm sure, felt like you hired a child instead of me. You know why did you choose this child over me? And there were situations. I had a degree. Some people did not have the degree. You know, there were some behavior, things that had never been properly addressed. But when the opportunity for advancement came, those people did not get the opportunity because of that behavior. But no one had ever sat down with them and addressed that particular behavior. So we had some circumstances that we were dealing with.
Speaker 1:I truly believe the part that I played in our ability to thrive as a team was to start my leadership with myself. So I did not take their emotions personally. I did not take it as an attack on me as a person or on my position. I understood that everyone had their own backpack and had responsibility for processing their own emotions, and not just responsibility, but freedom to do so and the need to do so. So I gave folks space, but I also addressed the elephants in the room. So I did not come in pretending that the circumstances were not what they were, specifically for those folks who I knew had particular struggles. Instead of pretending that I didn't know or I wasn't aware, that it didn't matter, I went straight at it and had conversations with those folks to acknowledge what that must feel like and how they may be struggling, and to let them know that I was supportive of them. I had to acknowledge that they had more experience than I had. They had been working in that office far before I was even hired as a student, so they had experience that I needed to honor and, instead of coming in to make all of the decisions, I needed to include them in our path forward because they had pieces that I did not have. I honored the relationships that they have built across campus. I honored their knowledge and their experience and their skill sets and I made space for them. I made room for them at tables and in conversations where I could have taken it upon myself to say I'm the leader, I'm in charge. So I'm going to the meeting. I took my folks with me because I honored what they brought to our team.
Speaker 1:There's self-leadership. That is important and I encourage you to start with self-leadership. Several years later in my career, I had the opportunity to serve with our student leadership department. A good friend of mine and several colleagues created a brand new student leadership department and they created a curriculum for our students to walk through, for our students to walk through, so that when those students who went through the entire curriculum they received the leadership certification at graduation and I had the honor of teaching as a faculty member in that program for several years and it started in their freshman year and we always started with self-leadership in their freshman year and we always started with self-leadership. Before we dug into how to lead, how to influence other people, we started with how to lead yourself.
Speaker 1:So what do I mean by self-leadership? Well, let's take it back to the foundation of disrupting burnout. It's the heart work, friends. It all goes back to the heart work. All of the research on burnout, all the research on thriving teams takes us back to a space where we need to connect and honor human connections, and the only way to be able to do that effectively is to start with your own heart work. So, as you know, the tenets of heart work are checking your baggage, building your boundaries and discovering your brilliance. Building your boundaries and discovering your brilliance. And we will always come back to this heart work journey because if you don't do the heart work, any leadership, any project, any business, anything that you build on or build up, will be on faulty foundation. If your heart, if your soul, if the parts of you that are essential to connecting with other people, if those parts are wounded or broken, anything you build will be on shaky ground. So we have to start with self-leadership. So we have to start with self-leadership. Start with checking your baggage.
Speaker 1:So, if we use the example of my first professional leadership position as associate registrar, I had to check my baggage for any stories of imposter syndrome, that I wasn't good enough, that I wasn't strong enough, that I didn't belong, that somebody gave me something for free. It would not have been beneficial to my team if I had walked into that position feeling like I didn't deserve it, feeling like I wasn't supposed to be there. They did not need me to feel pitiful. They did not need me to feel pitiful. They did not need me to feel weak. They needed to see and feel and experience leadership. So I had to check my own baggage and acknowledge those spaces, those stories, those standards, those definitions that I carried. That was not helpful to my own heart and that was not helpful to the team.
Speaker 1:So what's in your backpack that is holding you back from strong leadership? Let's start with self. What standards, what beliefs, what definitions have you been taught, that have been passed down to you, that determine how you show up every day? If you are having trouble connecting with the people that you work with? Let's say you feel like everybody's getting on your nerves. Well, friend, if everybody gets on your nerves every day, the common denominator is you. So what is the root of that frustration? What is the real problem? What's really really getting on your nerves? And it may be some things that are happening at work that are out of order, but if every day everything is frustrating, friend, it's time to get to the root of it. If you struggle to address people, address behavior, if you struggle with the idea or the thought of confronting in the most kind, respectful way, but you still struggle.
Speaker 1:I work with a lot of people who feel like confrontation is mean and I always have to ask the question where did that story start for you? Where did you start believing that being direct and honest is mean? And for many people it's an experience from their childhood. Some folks worked so hard to stay out of trouble that they have continued to live according to that story in their professional life. I don't want to be in trouble, I don't want to disappoint anyone, I don't want to break the rules, so I don't rock the boat, I don't speak up, I don't say what's honest, I'm not direct and again, in the most kind, respectful way, I'm not direct because, in my mind, direct is mean. Where did that start for you? Where did that story come from? Who taught you that? Who told you that? So you've got to check your baggage to determine what you are carrying and how it impacts your ability to be an effective leader.
Speaker 1:Next, you have to build your boundaries. Being an effective leader doesn't mean being all things to all people. It doesn't mean not protecting those values in your life that mean most to you. It doesn't mean living without safeguards. As a matter of fact, your people need to see that you have boundaries. They need to experience that you have boundaries. They need permission to have boundaries for themselves. You all know that I don't believe that boundaries, or the conversation about boundaries, is a fad. I believe that boundaries are critically important to your psychological safety. So where do you need to draw a line to protect what means most to you, and how can you be an example to your team about effective boundaries at work? What line are you unwilling to cross? Where do you need to put up a fence to protect what means most to you?
Speaker 1:One of my favorite mentors is a great example of this. I worked with him for several years and continue to admire and watch his journey as he serves as a university president today and since I met him in 2007,. There are certain things that he's always protected. He's always prioritized taking care of his body, from getting some time in at the gym to what he was willing to eat. He's always, as far as I've known him, been very intentional about taking care of his body. If that meant being a few minutes late into the office in the morning, then let it be so. Whether it was playing intramurals on campus or going to the gym and getting dressed at the gym, this mentor always, always prioritized his health. This mentor always prioritized his family, and there was never a question whether he had to leave early to go to an event for his kids or whether he needed to go pick them up, or whatever needed to happen concerning his family, his wife, his children, eventually grandchildren. He prioritized those things, and it doesn't mean the work did not get done. It doesn't mean he neglected the work or he was irresponsible, but he allowed us to watch him protect what means most to him, even in his language and the way he spoke about his wife.
Speaker 1:Before I was married, they are such an inspiration and example to me of what good marriage looks like, not just by doing, but what they were saying. I've never heard him speak a negative word about his partner. Never. I've never heard him speak a negative word about his partner. Never I've never heard him speak a negative word about his wife. As a matter of fact, it's always glowing and loving and enduring. He put a boundary around what means most to him and I've watched his career grow. I've watched him excel in higher education and as he excelled, those things never changed. They never changed. So we always feel like we have to exchange one for the other. We feel like I can have a strong family or I can have a good career. I'm here to tell you you can have both, but you must have boundaries in order to experience that kind of life. So in self-leadership, you've got to check your baggage, you must build strong boundaries and, finally, you must discover your brilliance. Now we have several podcast episodes about discovering your brilliance. I encourage you to go back and listen to all of those episodes.
Speaker 1:But it comes down to this you have an innate, unique value that you bring to the world, not just to your family, not just to work, but you bring it to the world like no one else. It is as unique as your fingerprint. It is the impact that you leave on people. It is not your doing, it's the who you are. What impact do you make through your work? What do we get because you are the leader of the team? What do we lose if you were no longer with us? What is that innate, unique impact that you have always had without trying? When you are confident in your brilliance, it allows you and frees you to make room for the brilliance of other people. You don't feel like you're in competition with your own people. You're not in competition with your own team, because you understand what you bring, but you also honor that. They have brilliance as well, and in order for your team to thrive, you need to make room for your own brilliance and for theirs. That same leadership team that I had the honor of working with.
Speaker 1:Annually they would bring in high profile speakers for a leadership speaker or lecture series that our students enjoyed. So when I say high profile, I'm talking Condoleezza Rice, former first lady, laura Bush Gosh. I can see Madeline Albright. Like they would bring in world-renowned speakers, cornel West they would bring in world-renowned speakers and, as you can imagine, these events were. I mean from working with Secret Service to dining, to inviting community partners.
Speaker 1:These were huge events and the director of that department was such an inspiration because he had an associate director who was masterful masterful at planning these events. She did not want the spotlight, she never wanted to thank you, she didn't want to say anything on the stage. Don't give me a microphone, just let me be behind the scenes making all the pieces work. And she was masterful in making the pieces work and she did not want to be seen at all. And this was not a hiding. In plain sight she's like leave me alone. Like I don't want your spotlight. You can have all the spotlight. Just let me put the pieces together. It's her brilliance, this director, her director.
Speaker 1:This leader recognized this gift and in this season of planning these large events, he availed himself to do whatever she told him to do. Was he the director? Absolutely. Did the buck stop with him if it all fell apart and didn't work? Was it on his shoulders? Yes, but he recognized that he had someone on the team who could handle it. So if she assigned him to drive a golf cart, that's exactly what he did. So if she assigned him to drive a golf cart, that's exactly what he did. If she assigned him to introduce the speaker because he doesn't mind being in the spotlight, he loves it, like I love it that's exactly what he did. If she assigned him to do the Q&A at the end of the event and she gave him the questions and says stick to this script. That's exactly what he did and says stick to this script. That's exactly what he did. There was no need for him to flex or for him to remind everyone that he was the director. There was brilliance in his team to make this thing work and the brilliance worked together because he's brilliant in the external spotlight kind of things, and she's brilliant in the background, making it all work, and I watched this dynamic team hit it out of the park every time, year after year I'm talking more than a decade year after year after year, because they recognize the brilliance in each other and there was no competition, there was no strife, no one felt insignificant, no one felt undervalued, because they made room for each other's brilliance.
Speaker 1:So if you're going to be an effective leader, you must start by leading yourself. Start with self-leadership. Check your baggage, build your boundaries, discover your brilliance, because the people part is the hardest part, but it starts in your heart. My friend, listen as always. You know that you are powerful, you are significant, you are loved and you are absolutely brilliant. There is no other just like you, friend, you are brilliant. Love always, pbj. There is no other just like you, friend. You are brilliant. Love always, pbj.
