Disrupting Burnout
Disrupting Burnout with Dr. Patrice Buckner Jackson is dedicated to overworked, undervalued high-achieving servant leaders who give all to serve others and leave very little for yourself. You are an accomplished woman with many responsibilities and you often find yourself overwhelmed, exhausted, and burned out. I’ve been there. As a matter of fact, burnout almost cost me everything. Compassionate work can carry a high price tag: your mind, body, spirit and relationships may be in distress as you serve the needs of others. I am here to equip your hands and refresh your heart so you can serve in purpose and fulfillment and permanently break cycles of burnout.
Disrupting Burnout
132. Beyond the Quarter-Life Crisis: Embracing Midlife with Brilliance
Hey Friend,
What if the journey to discover our true selves, commonly sparked in our twenties, doesn't just wrap up as we approach midlife? This week, join me, Dr. Patrice Buckner Jackson, as we delve into the ongoing transitions from quarter-life dilemmas to midlife reflections—a path familiar to many millennials.
In this episode titled "Beyond the Quarter-Life Crisis: Embracing Midlife with Brilliance," I share personal experiences from navigating the turbulent waters of a quarter-life crisis, where the quest for purpose persists even amidst professional accomplishments. It’s common to face unmet expectations in careers and relationships, leading to deep-seated frustrations. Together, we’ll explore the struggle to recognize the unique brilliance that has always been within us, though often overlooked.
We'll also examine the crucial steps toward healing and the bold moves necessary to embrace new beginnings. Personal wounds can cloud our judgments, but confronting these scars opens the door to clarity and growth. Creating safe spaces to speak your truth can be profoundly transformative, providing the courage to forge a new path.
Recognizing your own brilliance is essential, and sometimes, it requires an outside perspective to fully appreciate it. By setting firm personal boundaries, we learn to balance success with well-being. This episode is your reminder of your immense power and an encouragement to continue striving to become the best version of yourself.
Join me on this reflective journey as we unlock the full potential of our midlife years.
Love Always,
PBJ
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You know, friend, in episode three of this podcast, I spoke to you about the quarter life crisis, this identity crisis that folks between 25 and 30 or so go through trying to find themselves. But now I'm watching the quarter life crisis turn into the midlife crisis, specifically for my millennials, because you're my people, you're the folks that I hang out with the most. We need to talk about this because we are still, even at our big age, we are still struggling with our identity. Let's talk about it, friend. Hey, friend, I am Dr Patrice Buckner-Jackson, but you can call me PBJ. Welcome to another episode of Disrupting Burnout, where we are giving you the strategies for pouring out purpose without enduring the consequences of burnout. And today, friend, we need to talk about this quarter life crisis that has morphed into the midlife crisis. So in episode three of this I'm pretty sure it's three, it's three or four, but I'm pretty sure it's episode three of this podcast. So four years ago, I took some time to tell you all about a season of my life in my 20s, late 20s, where I walked through what I identified as a quarter life crisis. So many of us have heard about a midlife crisis. If you watch it in the movies. It talks about people buying motorcycles and getting new significant others and new hair colors and cutting the hair and all kinds of stuff that people all of a sudden start to find themselves. But I became aware of this idea of a quarter-life crisis through my work with college students and helping them transition from college to the professional world. But in doing my work in quarter-life crisis, I thought, oh my gosh, I went through this and I didn't even know what it was. Nobody sat me down and said friend, you're going through a quarter-life crisis. This is normal. Other people experience this. But this is why you're tripping right now and this is why you're struggling right now. I had no idea. If you want to hear more about that, definitely go back to episode three. I think the episode is called Millennial Quarter Life Crisis, so go check that out. But here's why I want to talk to you today, because that was four years ago and at that time of the podcast I was focused on millennials, young adults but of course, now you know that this podcast is focused on burnout for purposeful professionals, specifically educators, right.
Speaker 1:But as I am traveling and as I'm meeting so many of you on the road, what I'm recognizing is our quarter, life crisis is transitioning, morphing into a midlife crisis because we never resolved the identity issue. Crisis because we never resolved the identity issue. So I am meeting professional folks who are seemingly successful according to whoever's definition of success. They have a job that they're holding down, they are paying their bills, they have been accomplished in their jobs, they've been recognized in their jobs, but they still have this deep void of knowing who they are. These folks who are transitioning into midlife crisis are finding themselves severely disappointed. They are disappointed in the outcomes of their lives. They are disappointed in missed expectations or lost expectations, things that they expected to happen but did not happen. They are frustrated in their relationships and in their connections. They are feeling disappointed in themselves because there was a belief that by this time in my life I should have it all together. By this point in my life I really should be smooth sailing. I did all of this struggling in my 20s and in my 30s, so I didn't have to do it now. They are frustrated in their career fields and in their jobs because it has not fulfilled them in the way that they desire to be fulfilled.
Speaker 1:As I travel, I am engaging with brilliant professionals, absolutely outstanding leaders, people who, when you meet them in their professional setting, you would want them to be your mentor, you would look up to them, you would have respect for them, as you should have respect for them. And there's a struggle. There's an internal struggle that they are experiencing concerning their own identity, and I am convinced that that struggle has not changed since the quarter life crisis. The same struggles we have in our 20s to understand who am I? Why am I here? Why am I significant? Who's going to love me? Who should I trust? How do I answer these hard questions in life If those questions were never answered? There are folks who are still stuck in the crisis and there have been seasons of good, there have been seasons of success, there have been degrees and certifications and job promotions, and marriages and children and houses and all kinds of things that have come along, but somehow there was an expectation that all of these things would be fulfilling. Fulfilling. And now, as we move towards our mid-40s and into our 50s well, millennials are not 50 yet, but I'm not just talking about millennials. This is all of us right. This is Gen X. This is all of us right. As we move towards those mid-40s and into our 50s, we're looking back and trying to figure out where we missed it.
Speaker 1:I know professional phenomenal women who feel unfulfilled in the relational area of their life and the social area of their life. I know very intelligent, accomplished men who feel very unfulfilled, maybe in the finances of their life, and this is not gender specific. Any human being can feel these things. Right. I have encountered folks as I travel and have this conversation about discovering your brilliance. There's so many folks that I come in contact with who say I have no idea. I have no idea. I don't know what my brilliance is. I don't know what that innate, unique value is that I bring to the world. I don't know. I don't know and I don't know how to find it.
Speaker 1:People have dedicated their lives to careers without knowing what their purpose is. People have dedicated their lives to specific work without knowing the value that they bring to the world like nobody else. And that value has been with you all of your life. It doesn't just show up one day when you make the goal or get the accomplishment across the finish line, but that value has been with you all along and I am convinced without knowing and being familiar with that value, you will not be fulfilled. I'm convinced. I am convinced without discovering your brilliance, without knowing exactly who you are, whose you are and what you bring, there will always be a void.
Speaker 1:I am working with some professional women who are now walking into the empty nest stage of their life, where their children are moving on to do what they're supposed to do in their life, and because these women wrap their entire identity around being mom. Now that that title or those responsibilities are changing you're always mom, but it looks different in different seasons. Now that those responsibilities are changing, these very accomplished, intelligent, beautiful women don't know who they are anymore because they were so buried that's the word, they were so buried under the identity and the responsibility around being someone's mom, and now they don't know who they are. And not just to mention not those who have the experience of motherhood, but I know and honor those who desire the experience of motherhood and did not have that experience for whatever reason, whether they were never partnered or they never were able to conceive, or they were never able to birth a child, for whatever reason. I know that, the desire for what did not happen, for what did not happen, the disappointment when expectations were not fulfilled.
Speaker 1:There are folks who are struggling with their own identity and their own value, and this struggle is not new. The struggle comes from through our teenage years, through going through puberty into 20s and early quarter life crisis, through our 30s into the 40s, and it heads into midlife crisis because we've never stopped to identify who we are. So I just want to share a few thoughts with you today of how we combat the quarter-life crisis, the midlife crisis, the identity crisis, because that's what it is. It's truly an identity crisis. The first thing I want to encourage you to do is stop and heal In doing the heart work. We call this checking your baggage. You cannot see what's in you until you have allowed time for your heart to heal, and that's with whatever life has brought you.
Speaker 1:I know that this applies to every person in one way or another, because if you engage with any human being at any time, you have the opportunity to be wounded. Being at any time, you have the opportunity to be wounded, not because I have lost my belief or my trust in humanity. It's because I understand that human beings are flawed and, as such, we hurt each other. So, whatever you have experienced in your life from losing someone that you love, or maybe a divorce, or maybe a professional trauma. Whatever you have been through, it is important to stop and heal, check your baggage before you move forward in life and try to figure out who you are.
Speaker 1:The wounds block your vision, the wounds skew your visions. The wounds have an impact on your decision-making. There are folks who have chosen relationships and chosen professions and chosen careers and chosen places to live from a wounded place. I wonder if you would have made a different decision if you were healed. I wonder if the right decision or best decision for you would have been more clear if you would have come at it from a healed place as opposed to from your wounded place. Wounds blind you. They give you a blind side that you cannot see. You have a blind spot that blocks your ability to make a good decision when you are wounded. So the first step is to stop and heal. Go to therapy, get a coach, go see a good pastor. Now hear me. Now Y'all know here we tell the truth. Every pastor ain't a good pastor and I'm not speaking against pastors. I love the pastors in my life. But I want you to know choose wisely, have discernment, choose in prayer Right. So stop and heal. Stop making decisions from your wounded place.
Speaker 1:Number two I want you to identify the disappointment, say it, talk about it. What are you disappointed about? What did not come out the way that you expected? What did you look for? Long for desire in your life that did not manifest itself, that did not come to fruition. You need to speak the disappointment. It doesn't make it go away, but it does help you release and refuse to carry, and even as I'm saying that, not just the disappointment, but you need to speak the shame. You need to find a safe space right, the internet is not that space. Work may not be that space, but you need to find a safe space where you can tell the truth about what you're disappointed about and what you're ashamed of. Shame can only live in darkness. Shame cannot continue where we are willing to tell the truth. I know that some of my family members and friends who love me they think man, you tell a lot of your business on the podcast. I don't know how you do that. I do it because it frees me. I know that keeping things hidden will cause them to fester, will cause them to grow bitter roots. So truth is a revealer, truth is a healer, so you need to speak what you're disappointed about. Speak where there is shame in your life. Number three don't be afraid to start again.
Speaker 1:In the episode three, where I spoke about quarter life crisis, I shared with you all how I started again at 27 years old by moving in with my dad, and at that point it felt shameful. It felt like at 27 years old, I should have it all together and not need a parent. But it was the restart that I needed. It started the trajectory of where I am right now and I would not be here without that opportunity to start again. And there have been other times when I left my professional job to do this full time was a start again. And starting again doesn't necessarily mean you got to leave your job, but sometimes you feel the pressure, you feel the press, you know it's time to do something different, but you're afraid to step into the new.
Speaker 1:And I want to encourage you today that sometimes you need to start again. Sometimes you need a fresh start with the experience, with the wisdom, with the skills, with the healing that you've gained. You need to start all over again. And finally, as I have encouraged you so many times, you need to discover your brilliance. And, friend, that's hard to do without the first step. That's hard to do before you stop and heal. But you need to know the innate, unique value that you bring to the world like nobody else and I'm talking specifically you, specifically you. What do you bring? What do you do like nobody else? What do we lose when you're no longer here? What do we gain when you walk into the room? And your brilliance doesn't have to be a spotlight, it doesn't have to be a microphone in your hand, it doesn't have to be a podcast, it doesn't have to be writing a book. We in our culture have taught that unless it's publicly acknowledged, it's not valuable. And I'm here to tell you that that's not true. Your brilliance is so familiar to you that you can't see it. Your brilliance flows so freely from you that you are blind to it, and I want you to know that you are walking around making a positive impact on people without even recognizing it, without even knowing it, because you have not placed value on your brilliance.
Speaker 1:I met with a phenomenal group of educators last week and their situation is quite different, quite different. The load that they carry is different than any other school that I've met with. It's a very, very small staff and they all do it all. They do all the things I'm talking, from the cafeteria to being the principal, to being the teacher. They do it all. They do it all. The beautiful ending of my meeting with these folks was when we started talking about brilliance. Instead of talking about themselves, they started identifying brilliance in each other and what folks could not see about themselves. Their colleagues began to identify in them and share with them, and it was such a powerfully moving experience because you could see the light bulb come on. People were aware of these parts of them, but I don't think they thought it was significant, so it wasn't hidden to them, but they didn't think it was special in any way until someone else in the room identified it.
Speaker 1:So I just want you to know that there's a brilliance that you pour out every day and you don't think it's special, you don't think it has an impact, you don't think it's worth anything. But if you stop for a moment and listen to the people around you, you might find out that you make the difference in their life. That's the key to moving through and healing through these crises is knowing who you are and knowing what you bring. So, friends, I hope that, as we continue to journey together, that you will continue doing the work of discovering your brilliance. You will continue doing the work of checking your baggage.
Speaker 1:You will continue doing the work of discovering your brilliance. You will continue doing the work of checking your baggage. You will continue doing the work of building your boundaries so that you can serve the world but also be fueled yourself. It's about doing well and being well. All right, listen, that's all I got for you today. I hope that this was helpful and, as always, you know you are powerful, you are significant and you are brilliant and you are loved. Love always, pbj. I'll talk to you next week. Bye.
