As I’m recording this episode, it’s the day before Thanksgiving, and the unofficial kickoff to the full-blown Christmas season hustle-bustle. But before we get into all that, I wanted to take a moment just to slow down, take a deep breath, and acknowledge the sorrow that underlies this time of year for most bereaved parents.
My friend Karen Harmening is a bereaved mom and gifted writer, and I want to share with you a post she recently published on her blog. She beautifully expresses how I feel, still, on this 15th Thanksgiving eve since my daughter Hannah went to Heaven. Karen very transparently describes the sorrow we all experience and includes Scripture throughout her post that points us back to Hope. I believe you’ll find her words both affirming and encouraging.
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Hello friends, and welcome back to the While We’re Waiting – Hope after Child Loss podcast. I’m Jill Sullivan, your host and one of the co-founders of the While We’re Waiting ministry. This is a podcast of stories … stories of devastating loss and grief and heartbreak and struggle … and stories of hope and healing and faith, and yes, even joy. Underlying every conversation is the hope we have in Jesus Christ, which makes it possible to not just survive the loss of a child, but to live well while we’re waiting to see them again in Heaven one day. You can learn more about our ministry and the free bereaved parent retreats we host by visiting our website at www.whilewerewaiting.org. Welcome to Episode #178!
As I’m recording this episode, it’s the day before Thanksgiving, and the unofficial kickoff to the full-blown Christmas season hustle-bustle. But before we get into all that, I wanted to take a moment just to slow down, take a deep breath, and acknowledge the sorrow that underlies this time of year for a bereaved parent.
My friend Karen Harmening is a bereaved mom and gifted writer, and I want to share with you a post she recently published on her blog. She beautifully expresses how I feel, still, on this 15th Thanksgiving eve since my daughter Hannah went to Heaven. She very transparently describes the sorrow we all experience yet concludes by pointing us all back to hope. I hope you’ll find her words both affirming and encouraging.
As I sat by the window in the still of the morning a gust of wind brought a vibrant cascade of orange, red and brown gracefully flowing from the trees beside me. The beauty of the colors and the melodic rustling of the leaves was pleasant to my soul.
The beauty and pleasure of the moment brought with them a flurry of memories. The memories bore witness to the painful sorrow of Sarah’s present absence, and instantly a wave of sorrow crashed over me.
As the unsolicited reel of memories continued to play in my mind’s eye I was reminded of the empty yet often spoken exhortation to “look forward, not back.” Empty advice that fails to understand the source of sorrow.
The sweet memories of the past are not the source of our sorrow. The gaping hole of our loved one’s absence in each present moment is the source of our sorrow.
It is not looking back that staggers me, it is seeing her absence in this present moment that staggers me. Her present absence triggers the present sorrow. Her felt absence in this moment hurts in this moment.
Six years later her absence remains present, and the sorrow of her absence with it. There is no wrong or shame in acknowledging that reality. To the contrary, that reality is used for great good by our omnipotent Redeemer who promises to use everything for our good, even the worst of things.
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to [His] purpose.” Romans 8:28 [NASB95]
The painful presence of her absence most powerfully spurs me on to live the remainder of my life fruitfully.
“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. But if [I am] to live [on] in the flesh, this [will mean] fruitful labor for me…” Philippians 1:21-22 [NASB95]
Her absence is a constant reminder that this life is but a vapor. The sorrow stirs my awareness that this is not our home, that we are just sojourners here for a moment. Her present absence continually testifies to the transitory nature of what remains, causing me to press into Christ who faithfully stengthens me to persevere, and filling me with urgency and longing to finish the race well.
“Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2 [NASB95]
There is an indescribable joy set before us who love the Lord Jesus Christ, and it’s just over the horizon. I will soon see my Savior face to face, and my sweet Sarah with Him. “In just a little while” He will wipe every tear from our eyes, and there will be no more sorrow. What a glorious day that will soon be!
“You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For, ‘In just a little while, he who is coming will come and will not delay.'” Hebrews 10:36-37 [NIV]
But in the meantime the sorrow of her present absence remains. There is no sin in the sorrow we feel in our loved one’s present absence, and there is no wrongdoing or shame in acknowledging its reality. It’s simply a testimony of our enduring love for them, and our certainty that we will soon see them again.
“But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus.” 1Thessalonians 4:13-14 [NASB95]
So let’s purposefully pick up our seed for sowing and persevere in living fruitfully, even as our faces remain streaked with the tears of their present absence. There’s a glorious day just over the horizon before us. May we each continue laboring so fruitfully that a harvest of righteousness follows us there.
“Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting. He who goes to and fro weeping, carrying [his] bag of seed, Shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves [with him.]” Psalm 126:5-6 [NASB95]
Come, Lord Jesus.
