When you looked at today's title of the podcast of my inner torch, you probably said, what does he mean ? Not unhearing the said . Not forgetting the said . And what does that mean ? And when I say said, it's when somebody's saying something . And this pertains to your cluster b . I have been involved with my, what I suspect is, covert narcissistic wife for over 23 years now . And after a while, I find it very interesting and I wonder if you actually have this too . You tend to forget the things that are being said to you, especially abusive things . We have filters too . We talk about borderlines and narcissists and cluster b's in general, creating this sort of false self, creating a delusional world . And I have to say that I'm gonna challenge you to think whether or not you've created a delusional world where you see your cluster b as the person they pretended to be . And when they say things to you, when they do things to you that are abusive, we tend to block them out . And I can speak from my own personal experience . And what is interesting is, and this is why they associate PTSD or complex post traumatic stress disorder with cluster b relationships is because you're triggered back to remembering things . You start to remember things by triggers in the present that then trigger things for you to remember from the past . And it happens with me a lot . And I find myself thinking why am I thinking about something that happened 10 years ago, Something that was said because it's pertinent to my present . We can't forget our past with the cluster b . We can't forget the things that they have done, and yet we are so willing to forgive them . They don't forgive us, but we forgive them . And I have to say, I don't know if that's necessarily a good trait in us that we forget the trespasses against us . And I know that that's in the Lord's prayer . You know, if you recite the Lord's prayer, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us . So forgive us for being the way that we are as we forgive other people for being the way that they are . But is that myopic ? Is that naive to allow these people ? And I've talked about this in a lot of podcasts . Give these people emotional allowances, allowing them to hurt us . And then, you know, because we place labels, it all kinda comes full circle . When we place labels on our cluster b saying, well, that's just the way the narcissists behave . That's the way a borderline behaves, and it makes it okay . It justifies their behaviors . Never forgetting the said, remembering the said or the seds, if that's even proper, you know, proper English . It probably isn't . But remembering what your cluster b has done to you . Now I'm not saying you have to keep reminding yourself and again, go into this PTSD mode, but we tend to forget . And so when the cluster b acts out again, it's kinda like, well, where did that come from ? Well, it's par for the course . It's general behaviors that we see on a repetitive basis and yet we choose to ignore them or forgive them or worse yet discount them . Well, that's just the way they are . It doesn't make it right . And that's my point to everyone who is trying to survive in a cluster b relationship . You have to remember the said . You have to remember what these people have done to you in the past to protect yourself in the present and going forward into the future . You can't you can't make excuses for these people . And this is why I think I understand people getting involved with alcoholics, or people that are drug abusers, or people who are in general violent, and who we as a fly on the wall would say, what are you doing ? What are you thinking ? Why are you still with this person ? These people are forgetting the said . They're forgetting the done, what people have been doing to them . And because we don't deal with it, we are doomed to repeat it . That's what I find myself doing . And as I've said before, when you come out of the fog, when you see things for what they truly are, When you see these behaviors and you don't discount them . It's incredibly hurtful . It's very disappointing . And, yes, you do some self reflection and you say to yourself, why did I or do I allow myself to be treated this way ? That is the first step to healing is recognizing, acknowledging the fact that the circumstance you're in is not normal . It's just functional . It's disordered . It's dysregulated . And in many cases, it's abusive both mentally, emotionally, and hopefully not physically . But I do understand why people stay in physically abusive relationships . They just don't want to believe that the person that they care about is capable of such acts . And the same goes for a narcissist . The same goes for a psychopath . The same goes for a borderline . These people are very capable of destroying our self identity, our identity, our our being tearing us down, making us believe through gaslighting and abuse that we're worth nothing, And yet we get up and we try to make ourselves valuable again to them, not to other people who will appreciate us, but to them . We need we need to prove it . We need to fix them and we need to prove to them that we are good people . Well, unfortunately that is a quest that will go probably most definitely in my opinion unfulfilled and unrequited . It's hard and believe me I understand it when we realize that they don't wanna offer us authentic love, they have zero interest in authentic love . And what we need to do is that we need to stop thinking that we can love them better because you just can't . Because they're not interested . And even if they were interested, they have no place to put that love because they can't reflect it back . So this is where they have no empathy . So it's meaningless for us to keep on saying, I love you . I love the essence of you . I really love who you are because it just slides off . They can't receive your love in a normal way . They don't actually want it for themselves . It's kind of delusional in many ways . This cluster b personality disorder . It's almost disassociative . So I think you're gonna frequently find that they're going to take your love and adulation and they're not gonna reflect it back . It goes and sort of kind of builds up their false self . Think about those words . Does it make sense ? Does it resonate with you ? Or am I completely crazy in telling you these things ? Do you see yourself investing in them emotionally, hoping, praying that they're going to somehow, some way change back or be a person that you thought they were . This is kind of a double con . They con you . Okay ? And then you con yourself thinking, well, weren't they like that to begin with ? Was that the real self ? That was the false self . And I think most of us have a lot of difficulty accepting the fact that these people present these false selves based on your specific needs and wants . And this is why it is almost addictive . And well, in fact, I'm not even gonna say almost . It is addictive because now you're with somebody who you could only dream of being with, and then they show their true selves, then the mask slips and it doesn't matter whether it's a borderline or whether it's a narcissist, they all wear masks . They all present themselves as somebody different until they get triggered or until they have a certain sense of comfort in showing you who they truly are because they've groomed you now . And you're gonna be desperate to want the person that you thought they were to come back . And as I said in my last podcast, that person doesn't exist and that person left the building . That person was just there, that false self, that persona, to get you interested, to seal the deal . And then once they have you in their clutches, well, then they just kinda toy with you . It's a cat and mouse syndrome until something gives if it ever does . Look at me . 23 years . Okay ? Haven't cried uncle yet, but at least I'm aware to be able to bring my inner torch with new episodes uploaded each and every Friday at 10 AM as a warning, as a public service announcement to those of us who are out there who might still be confused, who might still believe that the person that they think they're in love with and well, gosh, maybe you are in love with them, maybe your love is true, doesn't exist . Don't forget the said . Don't brush it under the carpet . What they say is usually what they mean, And they can apologize a 1000000 times . In my case, no, I don't get apologies . But in other cases, some people do apologize because they are concerned about you staying with them and they may beg you and they may breadcrumb you and they may love bomb you again . Or they may discard you and detach from you and split on you and you will never see the likes of the person you thought existed come back . Reenergize them . Just won't happen . Myinnertorch@gmail.com . Your feedback is always appreciated as well as your review on whichever platform you're listening to my inner torch on . Be well, and in whatever you do, be good . This has been my inner torch .
