There's a lot of talk about renaming ourselves when we deal with a cluster b, when we're involved in a relationship with a cluster b . We like to call ourselves survivors, but I'm gonna challenge you here on that . Before you can truly be a survivor, you have to accept that you were a victim . You're not a survivor when you start the relationship . You're a victim . When the the abuse starts, you are a victim . When you become sentient, when you become aware, you are still a victim . When you either end the relationship, or you take steps to heal while still within the relationship, you might be able to label yourself as a survivor . At the beginning of my relationship with my, what I presume, covert narcissistic wife, at the beginning of our relationship 23 years ago, I wasn't a survivor . I essentially became a victim . So there's a dichotomy there that we need to distinguish more clearly . Who's a victim ? Who's a survivor ? We have to accept . We have to accept who these people are . We have to accept our role in the relationship, and we have to understand that only we can make change happen . Healing is exclusive to you, the victim slash survivor, and not the cluster b . Because if we look to our cluster b for help and support, we won't get any . I can assure you . Cluster b's, a lot of them live in their own world . They are disenfranchised . They are disassociative of the world around them . They build their own world with you perhaps included in that world . It's almost like going to school and doing basic geometry where we intersect 2 circles . And sometimes with a cluster b, you are in the 2 circles as they intersect . And a lot of times, you're not . You might be split upon . You might be discarded . That's what happens . You may be completely thrown out of those circles . So you kind of live between the intersection of those circles with you and the cluster b and outside of those circles when they're seeing you as black And then maybe when they well, maybe when they feel and they they they, you know, that they might feel threatened in the relationship, they may love bomb you to come back . They may bread crumb you to come back . But you're living in those circle, in that circle, and you're trying to intersect with your cluster b . So before you can truly say, I am a survivor, you do have to go through steps . Steps that include acceptance of the relationship . Okay ? You can't be a survivor wanting the relationship to somehow in some way become what it pretended to be back at the beginning . That's not necessarily surviving . That's living in their world of delusion . And frequently, that's where we end up . That's where we pine and we yearn . We miss . And why ? So we are still essentially victims . We are not survivors . Am I a survivor ? Yes . I am . How do I classify myself as a survivor of this relationship which has spanned well over 2 decades ? Because I understand what my wife is doing . I get it . I understand it . However, I am still a victim to a certain extent to her behaviors . I'm still being victimized by her abusive, neglectful behaviors . So as much as I consider myself a survivor, which I believe I am, I'm also still a victim of circumstance . And the only time I will truly be a survivor is when the event itself, the relationship itself is over . So do you see the 2 parallels ? A lot of us want to wear the moniker of survivor . We are surviving the relationships, but we are still victims in the relationships . And the only way you can truly become a survivor is to end the relationship or the relationship ends by default . Now you are surviving . Or are you still a victim ? Are you still being drawn into their emotional orbit ? A lot of us end the relationship, or a lot of us have the relationship ended on us, and then we just we we just can't carry on . We just can't believe . And that just completely shocks me because perhaps because I haven't stepped out of this relationship, I haven't gone no contact . Maybe I too, once this relationship ends whichever way it does, maybe I will be pining . Maybe I will be posting on different media outlets . Well, it's been a month, but I still miss her terribly . I hope not . Because I hope I have the self worth and self esteem in myself, that I believe in myself, and that I believe I'm a good person, and that the other person doesn't complete me . I think a lot of us make that mistake . We think of ourselves as couples . We think of ourselves as being married to these people, being parents with these people . These people are family members . It creates a very difficult scenario . And I certainly understand and I'm very sensitive to the fact that it's not so easy just to throw up your hands and say, okay, you know what ? I'm tired of being a victim, now I'm gonna be a survivor . It can't be it can't be an easy thing . Being involved with a cluster b is incredibly difficult . There's no two ways about it . So all of us surviving these relationships, it's a very difficult path to walk each and every day . And there are a lot of us out there, including myself, who are biding our time . Because we have we have extenuating circumstances . It's not so cut and dry . It's easy for me or anybody else to be an armchair quarterback and say, look, This is a horrible relationship . You're not getting anything out of it . That person's not doesn't have your back, doesn't love you, doesn't care about you . This is not a balanced relationship where both of you really feel complete and whole together because you're trying to make up their whole . Alright ? You're trying to make up what they lack, and that requires a lot of emotional energy as I'm sure you can appreciate . Myinnertorch@gmail.com . I always enjoy hearing from you . Your emails are certainly welcome as are your opinions . Do you agree ? Does it resonate with you ? If you don't agree, let me know . I'm always interested in hearing other people's perspectives . There are so many different ways of looking at certain circumstances . I've watched a lot of videos on YouTube which talk about covert narcissism, which talk about borderline . And unfortunately, they're all very much running in tandem with each other . They all create chaos and havoc in our lives as we try to figure these people out . And folks, I can tell you that trying to figure these people out, it's just not gonna happen . You won't figure them out because they shape shift . 1 minute they're one person, the next minute they're another person . So you never really know who you're dealing with . It's very, very difficult and it's hard . There's either control, manipulation, or a combination of both as we navigate these choppy waters that we like to call a relationship with a cluster b . So think about those things . Think about the statement before you can truly be a survivor . You have to accept that you are and or were a victim . And you have to do some self healing whether you need professional support or support from others in the community, whichever way you do it, you have to heal . Because if you don't heal, you will continue to be a victim . And that is not a good thing . New episodes uploaded each and every Friday at 10 AM Eastern Standard Time . I appreciate your review on whichever platform you happen to be listening to my inner torch on . We are all survivors in some form or fashion, but we are also victims . Because if the abuse continues, well, you're not well, I guess you're surviving it to a certain extent, but you're also being a victim . You can never truly be a survivor until you remove the threat in your life, the emotional threat in your life . Be well . And in whatever you do, be good . This has been my inner torch .
