The Power of Words: Shaping Your Caregiving Mindset

Enroll now in the Conquering Resentment: 5 Steps to Peace in Caregiving

Subscribe to our weekly newsletter.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 2:05

Well, hello there, my friend, and welcome to the Caregiver Cup podcast. It's Kathy here. If it's your first time listening, welcome to the podcast. If you've been here for a while, welcome back. It is such a complete pleasure to be behind this microphone every week and talking to you.

Speaker 1: 2:24

I usually record my episodes on Monday and I call it my favorite day of the week. On Monday and I call it my favorite day of the week. Then, on top of it, I hear back from you in text messages, emails and Instagram and Facebook. It lights me up. It just is something that I love to do and I'm glad I'm talking to you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for letting me into your earbuds or into your phone or whatever you're listening to. I thank you. Let me share with you two text messages or email messages that I got this week and, if you're interested in connecting with me, there is a text feature now in the show notes that you can go ahead and click on. I don't get your phone number, so it is a program and I right now I can't respond back to them, so I share those on the podcast episode in hopes that you hear it from me. So the first one is from Kim. She says that episode with Dr JJ was amazing. I have and do struggle with anxiety and resentment in caregiving of a parent. I am so glad I found your podcast a few months ago. Listening to you is like hanging around a friend. Thank you for everything you do for us caregivers. Well, kim, I feel the same way. Dr JJ Kelly is amazing. If you haven't heard her podcast episode, it's just two episodes behind this one episode 220, I think it is.

Speaker 1: 3:57

Remember she has some awesome resources as well. She has the Holy SHIT series books. They're little, tiny books that you can go ahead and purchase off of Amazon. Let me grab them here once. I'll tell you which ones I have. I have the Holy SHIT series. I have the. So this Is Anger. I talked about that in the episode and I haven't read her two more of them. I just purchased them and they came in the mail. It says I'm dealing with a narcissist and navigating the narcissist in a workplace or beyond, so you can use it for caregiving. And the other one is I'm a gifted misfit and it's a guide to unlock your superpower. So I can't wait to read these books and I'll probably do a podcast episode on them. So, um, I also can have another upcoming self-paced video and course called Conquering Resentment coming out next week. I'm officially announcing it and you can go ahead and take advantage of that and it's just a small nominal fee but you would get a workbook, the video and a whole lot of other resources with it. So check that out once it comes out. So I'm so glad you found the podcast community, kim, and if you have other ideas or suggestions, please don't hesitate to click on that text message and send me another one.

Speaker 1: 5:27

I also wanted to share an email from Kathy that I read this weekend and you know what I love hitting replies on emails and having email conversations back and forth and that's what Kathy and I did. And she said she found a great app a while ago called Insight Timer and it's free and has so many topics to choose from for meditation that she uses daily. She had said meditation calms me down and I've learned how to use breath work when I'm not meditating to bring my anxiety level down. And she says I also listen to your podcast at night, which I find very calming, and I know we talk back and forth. She said sometimes I fall asleep and have to go back and re-listen to it. Well, it is my pleasure to be in your ear and I'm the last person you hear before you go to bed, and sometimes I do make people fall asleep. So there's no doubt, and I'm glad you re-listen again. So I love when I hear from what others are doing, and thank you, kathy, for allowing me to share this. Meditation is a mindfulness practice that can make a huge difference in our stress and anxiety, and I love hearing Kathy say it's helping her anxiety.

Speaker 1: 6:46

If you have a habit or a practice or a resource or a technique that's working for you, hey, send me that text. That link is right underneath the show notes here and it is anonymous, but you can tell me your name if you want to. I only know your four digits of your phone number, last four digits and your location of where you purchased your cell phone number. That's all I know. So you would have to tell me your name if you purchased your cell phone number. That's all I know, so you would have to tell me your name. If you want me to share that, you can also email me at kathy at kathylvancom, or message me on your favorite Instagram or Facebook site, and I would love to share it with others.

Speaker 1: 7:26

Well, we better jump into this episode today, but my little preview for you is we're going to talk about looking at yourself internally in this episode and really taking a look at yourself and looking at some simple ways that you can go ahead and shift your mindset, change your perspective, help you, boost your energy and lower your stress, and so we're going to talk all about it today. And so words we're going to talk about words and the words that have a profound impact on our mindset, energy, mood and stress levels, because, as caregivers, the words we say to ourselves and others can significantly influence our overall well-being. Understanding and becoming aware of the power of words can help us create a more positive caregiving experience and improve our mental and emotional health. Think about something as simple as a simple comment that you hear, or you even make yourself, can go ahead and shift your mindset or your mood. I just need to take a quick sip of a drink here, thank you.

Speaker 1: 8:36

I had breakfast, and I have breakfast once a month with my siblings and I have a brother. They're both younger. I'm the oldest of three. My sister is the next one in line. Her name is Connie, and my brother is the baby brother, john, and we pick on him so much. It's fun to have a brother that's younger that we can pick on, but he's so protective of us as well. We get together once a month and it's almost like we save all of our things that we have to share and then we just go and talk and talk, and talk and we talked so much that we said we need extra cushions on the chairs because our butts hurt so much, because we sit there so long and have conversations.

Speaker 1: 9:20

And you know, you think about the topics that you may have and it's just. We could have anything from the health to the news, what's happening in our family, our childhood memories, and I'm working so hard on my words and trying not to be negative to myself or others. For example, I used to say all the time I'm getting so old. And you know, once you convince yourself of that and sure it may be a fact that you are, for me I am 61 years old. But instead of saying that, I want to be proud of the fact that I am more aware of who I am at 61 and embrace it all the time, and my body embraces it and tells me all the time of my age, but I'm not going to go ahead and harp on it or in Wisconsin, here where I'm raised, the weather changes all the time, and we have so much cold weather here, and it's a common thing for Wisconsinites to say this weather sucks that I'm going to be honest with you, it's an inside joke that we make, but if we harp on the the bad things all the time, then you know, even if it's snowing outside and it's the snow is beautiful, or right now it is so hot, we probably feel like Florida and Texas do when it's mediocre hot, and so it's important to listen to what we say and just pay attention, especially as a caregiver, when I was caring for Dennis away from home for a stem cell transplant, I was feeling like everything was the same old, same old, or that Groundhog's Day feeling I kept saying, day in and day out, it's just the same old thing every day.

Speaker 1: 11:19

Eventually, your mind and your body start teaching you and you start believing it, and you kind of get down in the dumps and don't want to do that. Why is it important, though, to think about your words, and I want to just talk about some of these, the words we use in our self-talk can shape our beliefs and our attitudes. Negative self-talk can lead to negative mindsets and the opposite positive self-talk can foster positive. Right Now our brains have that 50-50 balance. But thinking about every day and you wake up and you're like, oh, I don't want to get up. Oh, another day of caregiving. Oh, you know, eventually your brain just knows that it has to do that every day, instead of saying I'm putting my feet on the floor and I'm going to stretch and I'm going to open my window and I'm going to say, ah, it looks like it's going to be a beautiful day outside. Now your caregiving might not be that way, but if you program yourself to think of one positive thing or play something positive and listen to it, you're going to start shifting.

Speaker 1: 12:35

Your words impacts your energy and mood and can drain or boost our energy and mood. Negative words and phrases can make us feel exhausted and discouraged, whereas positive and affirming words can uplift us. No, I'm not saying going in the mirror and saying, oh, it's going to be a beautiful day in the neighborhood and you're just going to be this fakey, fakey person, but trying to go ahead and looking at the positives in the glass half full versus half empty. You know, when you think about your stress levels too, the way we describe our experiences can either increase or decrease your stress levels. Using catastrophic language can escalate stress, while reframing challenges positively can help us manage stress better. You know, we all know those people that are negative Nellies and they complain about their work or about their neighborhood or bring all the bad things up in the world and then your mind goes to this crisis world or they suck the air out of you and out of this world. Versus, a positive person can look at the the bad situation and pull out positive things. Or who doesn't love meeting up with a positive person and they share a funny story or a joke to just kind of? You know, look at something and get us to laugh a little bit and be more, and you want to be more around that. So being aware of how it's impacting you is so important, and taking the time to reflect and being aware of the words that you use are going to be important.

Speaker 1: 14:24

Are you a positive thinker and or are you a negative thinker? Are you a positive responder or a negative responder? Do you make your? Do you do the? You know? Do you make yourself feel empowered or defeated? Or the people around you make yourself feel empowered or defeated, or the people around you make you feel empowered or defeated? I don't want you to beat yourself up if you see the glass half full, because we may be programmed that way, we may have been raised that way, we have maybe had experiences that way. You may be in this cycle of caregiving where the glass is half empty, but that means you want to go ahead and work harder to look at more positive things. So look at and really treat it just as a fact. Am I positive or am I negative today? What is the fact today? Okay, I'm in a negative mindset today, so I'm going to have to work harder at looking for some positive things. Or I'm feeling good today, okay, let's go ahead and give that positivity some more fuel.

Speaker 1: 15:36

You know there are mindfulness practices to become more aware of your language, of your thoughts, so you want to really dig into that. Like Kathy had said at the very beginning in that email that I read to you, meditation helps her. Maybe it's music. I've shared many times that I have different music playlists for different seasons that I'm in or different moods that I'm in Now. Maybe for you it's yoga, maybe for you it's different exercises or walks, whatever it would be. My garden sometimes gets me to just kind of hash everything out in my mind. I want you to think about keeping a journal to track your self-talk and identify your patterns in your language. Did you know that research indicates that negative self-talk can increase the risk of your health, specifically your mental health? Negative self-talk can lead to depression, anxiety, stress disorders. These negative thoughts and patterns can lead to decreased motivation and a sense of helplessness. And I found these underneath Very Well Mind or Nest Lab documentations and research. So you could go out and research if you want to.

Speaker 1: 17:01

Now I'm going to use this weird analogy, but I was sparked with this analogy because on what was it Saturday morning? No, yesterday morning we walked, dennis and I went for a walk. Yesterday morning morning, I we walked, dennis and I went for a walk yesterday morning and it it's gonna. It was going to get to the heat indexes we're going to get into the mid 90s and it was already like 72 degrees and just dripping humid outside, and I don't want to walk the dogs when it's really, really hot or the pavement is hot, and so I said, we're going to get up at five o'clock, which we usually do, and we're going to go ahead and get dressed right away and we're going to go for a walk, but it looks like rain, so we better bring our umbrella along. So I'm going to use an umbrella analogy.

Speaker 1: 17:51

Imagine you're caught in a rainstorm without an umbrella. You get soaked, cold and uncomfortable. Right, this is like being bombarded by negative thoughts and emotions, without any tools or strategies to protect yourself. Now picture yourself with an umbrella. The rain doesn't stop all of the precipitation and you might still get a bit wet, like in your feet, or if the wind blows, you might get wet, or if you have a hole in your umbrella, whatever but the umbrella shields you from the worst of it and it's keeping you drier and more comfortable. Right, in this analogy, the umbrella represents your positive thoughts and your skill sets to overcome those negative thoughts. Just as an umbrella helps you stay dry in the rain, your skills that you develop helps you maintain more of a positive mindset and manage your stress, even when negative thoughts try to drench you.

Speaker 1: 18:55

And it's funny, the whole time we were walking, my husband's like who is this idea? And I'm like suck it up, buttercup, we're going for a walk and we're getting our walk in before it gets hot. You're going to thank me by midday, and so we just kind of joked and stuff like that. But the umbrella is the component that I want you to think about. What does your umbrella look like? Where are you storing your umbrella and when do you have to pull it out to go ahead and protect yourself from those negative thoughts? So, thinking about an umbrella and it being your positive thoughts and your skill sets, you can go ahead and think about doing things like gratitude practice, practicing gratitude and journaling five things you're grateful for. Or laying in bed at night and saying, before I fall asleep, I'm going to be grateful for five things. Or when I put my feet on the bed in the morning, I am going to say you know, whatever it would be Like the sturdy fabric of an umbrella, gratitude helps deflect negativity and keeps you focused on the positive aspects of your life, because you can say everything's falling apart, everything is totally not good today, but there are going to be things that you're grateful for.

Speaker 1: 20:19

You may have to look harder, but there are going to be things that you're grateful for. You may have to look harder, but there are going to be things. Thinking about your mindfulness, too. The handle of the umbrella keeps you grounded, allowing you to stay present and aware of the thoughts and feelings without being overwhelmed. So if you hold that handle, that is being mindful. I'm going to continue to work on it. Now, the wind may blow the umbrella and I might get wet, because I can't, you know, sometimes keep it sturdy because of the wind, but I'm going to do my best.

Speaker 1: 21:02

Best, and another one is to think about affirmations, and these are the spokes of that, that support that fabric of the umbrella, providing you a strong structure. Affirmations, like I am, statements or positive energy reinforces positive thinking and helps you build resilience. I can't tell you how many times in tough seasons I would put post-its notes in my car, or I have a whiteboard next to my mirror in my bathroom which is just bizarre, but I do and I'd write down things on there. That I would listen to a podcast and somebody would say a powerful quote and that would be my quote for the day. Affirmations thing thinking you know you're doing the best you can. I'm so proud of you for going ahead and speaking up. I'm so proud of you for setting a healthy boundary, that kind of thing, and then framework or habits that you have in place.

Speaker 1: 21:57

The framework can be like the canopy of the waterproof coating, offering a comprehensive approach to handling things like resentment and negative thoughts. You know, anything that you're learning and just as I talked about with Kim is I have a resentment course, conquering resentment course, and there's a framework that you learn to conquer or manage your resentment and anger. That's going to be like the waterproofing on your umbrella, because if you have an umbrella and it's not waterproof, eventually the rain is going to seep through and so you need that. And then the last piece is positive reframing, adjusting how you interpret events and challenges can be like tilting your umbrella to better shield yourself from the wind and the rain, and so you may have to go ahead and look at your situation and saying, ah, that's not working for me. I can't just, you know, do journaling it. Eventually the journaling wears off after about an hour, so I may have to go ahead and do that. Or you may even have to get too extreme and you may have to go ahead and not hang out with somebody as much, or you may have to turn off the news, which is crazy right now and saying you know what it brings me down too much. I can't watch it all the time. I have to go ahead and turn it off and reframe my positive mindset because it's causing me too much stress. So the benefits of using your thoughtful umbrella it's going to be served as protection While the rain or your negative thoughts continue.

Speaker 1: 24:39

Your umbrella, or your positive thoughts, can shield you from the worst, helping you stay more comfortable and less affected. You can be more prepared. Knowing you have an umbrella makes you feel ready to face the rain or your negative thoughts. Simply having a toolkit of all these positive skill sets prepares you to handle stress and negativity more effectively. It can prepare you in advance, it can help you assess it after, it can go ahead and help you for the next time around, and it also builds resilience. Just as a good umbrella can withstand strong winds, building and using your positive skills makes you more resilient against life's challenges. You're constantly learning and that umbrella is going to be you know, going to be better and bigger. I want you to think about what does your umbrella look like right now? Do you need a bigger umbrella? Do you need a stronger umbrella? Do you? Is your umbrella broken right now and you need to buy a new umbrella?

Speaker 1: 25:50

I used to say an example here is I used to say I have to take care of my spouse, which made me feel burdened, or there's nobody else to take care of them. When I started shifting my mindset and saying it differently, I said I get to take care of my spouse. It is a gift to go ahead and take care of my spouse and I'm doing that. It reminded me of the privilege and love and caregiving and it shifted my perspective and positivity. That's why journaling out your mindset is so important because you could go ahead and, if you're having a hard day, be honest with yourself, put it on paper and write it down. Or talk to Siri and put it all on Siri and then read it back and then saying okay, I am not the only one. There are millions and millions of caregivers out there are doing the same way and they are feeling the same way. So how can I shift my mindset? How can I put up my umbrella? What can I do? Because the benefits of shifting the words we say are so huge. It can improve your mindset by shifting from negative to positive. Language can help cultivate a more optimistic and resilient mindset can help cultivate a more optimistic and resilient mindset.

Speaker 1: 27:16

I can't tell you how many times when I listen to a caregiver and I just listen to them and then we go back and I retrace some of the things that they said and we start working on their mindset, one small step at a time. It's important to validate that it sucks or that you're having this thought, but let's figure out how you can shift that mindset, because positive words can boost your energy and motivation and make caregiving tasks feel less burdensome. We've all been with somebody that comes in and just complains about their job over and over and over again and I'm not talking about caregiving. Maybe they're a person that's complaining about working their nine to five job and I had to do this and I had to do that. Eventually, you don't want to listen to them anymore, but what happens in their brain is their brain is saying good, keep getting all of that out, keep saying it, and what happens is you don't have a 50-50 split anymore. It's stealing and robbing all of your energy and your mood, because changing your language can improve your mood and your overall emotional state, and so it's so very important and the most important benefit is it reduces stress.

Speaker 1: 28:37

By going ahead and working on your positive reframing can help you manage your stress more effectively and prevent burnout. I can't stress enough how gratitude helps you through this. You know you're going to hear people saying you know they got the raw deal of something, but the positive outcome. We need to look at that as well. What did they learn from it? What positive things has happened? Yeah, you got the raw deal, but you did learn a lot, or you got people to understand your situation, whatever it would be.

Speaker 1: 29:18

So in conclusion, here I have a few concluding thoughts. Here you can't stop the rain from falling, but you can equip yourself with an umbrella to stay dry or stay as dry as possible. Umbrella to stay dry or stay as dry as possible. Similarly I can't say that word you can't completely eliminate your negative thoughts. You're human and your challenges are going to be there, but you can develop positive thoughts and skills to manage them better. Well, that news stunk, you know. You can validate that, you know. For Dennis, like his diagnosis came back. However, I am grateful that we have a positive team. I'm grateful that we have a treatment plan. I'm grateful that he is feeling okay. You know you can look at that. Start building your umbrella today with gratitude, mindfulness, things, practices, affirmations, by saying you know you're doing a good job, you are managing the best way you can. Start telling yourself what your best friend would tell you and then look at ways that you can build your toolkit whether they be frameworks in the upcoming Conquering Resentment class, whether they be other ways that you've learned today, and start positive reframing and watch how it transforms your caregiving journey.

Speaker 1: 30:48

The best caregivers are constantly self-improving. So to recap and really give you some motivation here, words are powerful. They're powerful tools that shape our mindset, improve our energy, help our mood, stress levels by becoming aware of our language and making conscious shifts can improve our caregiving experience. I can't tell you the best people that I have. I have an accountability group and it's with Amy and Naomi, and Amy is a powerful, powerful coach. She coaches brides and she always says to me we have an entrepreneur group that we get together once a week to support each other.

Speaker 1: 31:31

She said I want you now to reframe the way you said that you don't mean what you said, and she always challenges me and I ask her to do that, and so if you're looking for somebody like that, look for a friend, talk to me. We can go ahead and do that and then start taking small steps. Begin by changing one negative phrase like I'm just too old or this will never, I'm stuck, this will never change. If that is something you say, you need to go ahead and really get to the facts and you need to go ahead and start working on reframing that. And remember every small step does make a difference. Embrace the journey of transforming your language and notice the positive impacts it has on your well-being. You're going to notice the things that other people are saying that you don't want to say anymore.

Speaker 1: 32:26

So let's conclude today with a text question, and I want you to hit that text link and give me an answer so that we can go ahead and review those next week. The question is is what is your umbrella Meaning? What skill set or habit helps you promote your positive thoughts? What skill set helps you improve your energy or keeps you grounding? What is your umbrella Meaning? What is your skill set? What do you do to go ahead and reframe your positivity? I can't wait to read them to all of you next week.

Speaker 1: 33:09

So to conclude, finally, is thank you for listening to today's episode. Oh, I'm so sad that it's over, but I'm so excited to go ahead and get this one published. If you found this helpful, hey, please share it with others who might benefit from this. Don't forget to hit that subscribe button on the podcast app that you listen to. Better yet, if you can give me a rating you know they have that five-star rating or a review. That puts me more visible in the podcast world, because there's not a category for caregiving, and so I have it underneath education and self-development and so review the Caregiver Cup podcast and let's continue to support each other on this caregiving journey. Bye for now.