#90: Why Family Meals Matter with Roni and Riley

Riley is back this week to help cover the topic of family meals and why we should be trying to have more meals together with our families. We share a lot of helpful tips and ideas during this conversation so you can feel empowered to have more family meals starting this week!

Here are some of the resources we mentioned:
FMI.org
thefamilydinnerproject.org
Conversation starters
Harvard EdCast Podcast

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Transcript

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​[00:00:00] 

Welcome to the Plan to Eat podcast, where I have conversations about meal planning, food, and wellness. To help you save time in the kitchen, reduce your grocery bill stress less about food. And delight in dinner time.

Roni: Hello and welcome to another episode of the Plan to Eat podcast. Today I have Riley back in the podcast with me. I was going to say studio, but we don't have a studio, so

Riley: Oh, this is a studio. Come on.

Roni: So I wanted to let everybody know that Riley is actually going to be back on the podcast once a month. So we're still doing, we're still doing episodes every other week.

The second week of the second podcast episode of the month is going to be me and Riley breaking down some topics, talking about more meal planning, specific things, because often the interviews that I have with, uh, people related to the food health wellness space. We don't always [00:01:00] talk a lot about meal planning.

Riley and I are the meal planning experts. So, we're here to talk about meal planning. Make sure you have all the tips and tricks and, uh, wonderful information to keep you motivated to continue meal planning. 

Riley: I'm really excited to be here and excited to be back on the podcast just a little bit.

Roni: Yeah, I'm excited to have you here too. today we are talking about family meals. Even though we are coming up on the end of the month, September is family meals month, according to FMI, the food industry association. So we are here to talk about why family meals matter, how to make family meals happen a little more frequently at home.

And just give you lots of ideas about this. And even though it's the end of family meals month, hopefully this is something that can propel you forward into the rest of the year to make family meals, more part of your weekly process. So Riley, let's start talking about [00:02:00] some, let's start convincing people why they maybe want to think about having some more family meals.

Riley: I think we can definitely do that today. Uh, one of the things that I came across in my research on, and just as a side note, there's actually a lot of research out there about families who eat meals together. So I was surprised, but also excited because, stats are pretty impactful to me. So one of the things that I ran across, in a podcast I from Harvard is that only 30 percent of families.

Eat meals together regularly. Only 30%.

Roni: Wow.

Riley: Yeah, it's not a lot. So I mean, it's sad. It's a sad stat, especially here at plan to eat. Like we, it's, it's one of the pieces of the heart of our company, right. Is that we want people to, you know, meal planning helps make the dinner possible, but. And we are a meal planning company, but ultimately we want people to eat together.

We want people to have connection. We want people to have relationships. And so that's actually a really big piece of the heart of our company. That end [00:03:00] game is kind of like why we exist. So it makes me sad that only 30 percent of families eat meals together.

Roni: Yeah. That is surprisingly low. I was gonna, I was. I'm just gonna guess that it would, if you would have asked me, I would have guessed way higher than that.

Riley: Yeah, I think I would have to, um, and probably in the home you grew up in, you ate a lot of family meals together. I ate meals together as a family. And I, and I know there were seasons of my childhood where they weren't less frequent because people were going a hundred directions, but, it did feel like a part of my childhood.

Roni: Yeah, definitely when I was younger, not, not as much when I was a teenager, but that's because all three of us were teenagers at the same time, you know, me and my siblings were all teenagers at the same time. And so it was like, We all had multiple things going on. We didn't eat dinner together very often, but definitely when I was younger, it was pretty much every single night.

And maybe part of that was just that we were a single income household. We couldn't really afford to go out to eat or have anything other than a homemade meal. So it just kind of made sense to eat the [00:04:00] homemade meal around the dinner table together.

Riley: Right. Yeah. You know, it's funny that you bring up teenagers because another stat I came across is that, uh, this is again from the Harvard article, 80 percent of teenagers say mealtime is the time of day they're most likely to open up to their families.

Roni: Hmm.

Riley: And so if you needed a compelling reason to have dinner with your teenagers, that would be it.

Like they, they are more likely to talk to you at that time of day and during that period of time of sitting together. As we get into this, like there's so many benefits. And then the benefits are going to be compelling to you also, but just these stats of saying, okay, if my teenager doesn't talk to me, but they'll most likely talk to me then this time, like, let's make this a priority so that we have just like one step forward in that direction.

Right. Just a little baby steps is what we're going for here.

Roni: I like that. Uh, I imagine the harder part is actually getting the teenagers to sit around the table with you.

Riley: Maybe. Yeah. you know, like the mental health benefits of cooking together [00:05:00] are pretty astounding. And that's something that I feel like we've talked about in the podcast back when we had Tova and Tovala Jr. That company on the podcast. But eating together around the table has really similar benefits, such as it's a time to connect, make eye contact with people.

It'll allow you to recognize potential problems that are arising in your children, whether that is a being bullied at school, or they're really struggling in math, or, maybe they're sad because their cat passed away or, you know, whatever it is, you're more likely to witness these things. And know that they're arising in them.

Um, language and social skills are improved. They have higher grades. They're less likely to have depression symptoms, less likely to engage in high risk behavior. And actually the list goes on and on and on for the positive benefits. And actually this overlaps with meal, like cooking meals together in the kitchen and eating together at the dinner table.

Roni: Mm hmm. Yeah, I like that you mentioned all of those. I'm currently looking right now at the Riley and I can, reference in the show notes, uh, a bunch of different [00:06:00] links. Um, so that if you'd like to look at this information firsthand, uh, we can have it there. Mm hmm. But I'm looking at the family dinner project.

org and their website has a breakdown of the different age groups. Um, and kind of the benefits that you can associate with different age groups. So they say from ages one to five, one of the biggest benefits is that dinner table conversation boosts a child's vocabulary and helps them be like, learn how to read easier.

And I really liked this one. I like that. They kind of step outside just the benefits for children. And they say that new parents who have a, a dinnertime ritual feel more satisfied in their marriage. That's amazing. Like that's, you know, of course you care about your children and their development, but also if you, you know, want a more selfish reason to do it, like feeling more satisfied in your marriage when you have young children and life is chaotic.

I love that.

Riley: absolutely. And family and dinner together. I would argue expands beyond just children, right? Like [00:07:00] if you live with your in laws or if you have friends and family in town, if you, if you live in close proximity to people you have relationship with, like these meals together produce benefits in you, uh, it's not just produced in children, it's actually an adult too.

There's actually a lot of health improves because you're eating slower. You're probably talking while you're eating. So you're letting your food digest a bit. You have more mindfulness. You that feeling of fullness, like it comes more quickly than if you just scarf your food down and move on with your life, like, so there's benefits.

socially and physically for adults as well. This isn't, I love that you brought that up about marriage because, um, I know I started talking about the benefits for kids, but it really does expand beyond that because family doesn't look the same for everybody.

Roni: Right. Yeah. I remember when we had Dr. Kristen Saxena on the podcast and she talked about the experience of having her grandmother come live with them. And her grandmother was in like her nineties and came to live with them instead of being in a nursing home. Mm hmm. And just how [00:08:00] impactful that experience was both for her children who were getting to have conversations with somebody so many generations older, but also how impactful it was for her and her health in the later years of her life and how much vibrancy it gave her to have these dinnertime mealtime conversations with.

Younger people and and just like experience that multi generational connection and how special that was for their family.

Riley: Yeah. And even if the conversation isn't centered around one person in particular, the feeling of community and the feeling of a group conversation, I mean, I know that's good for me. I love that. So, you know, it really kind of transcends generations.

Roni: Yeah. So going back to these benefits from the family dinner project for ages 6 through 12. One of the connected to what we're talking about. One of the benefits that. Children can have is feeling more connected to their parents and siblings. So once you're at that age where you're really starting to develop these relationships with the [00:09:00] people in your lives, having meal times together is a place to really boost those relationships.

And then obviously you mentioned this, I think as well, higher academic performance, um, as well as like sports performance. So if your kids are really into athletics, they'll might see benefits in both school and their athletic endeavors.

And then teenagers ages 13 to 18, it says that teens who eat family dinners regularly are more likely to get A's in school, um, reduces, as you said, high risk behaviors like smoking and substance abuse, it can reduce their depression and anxiety and increase self esteem, which, who doesn't remember being a teenager having low self esteem?

Yeah.

Riley: And just everything you're telling me, everything you're reading from these lists, like, you know, success breeds success. Like what success breeds, like the feeling of like when you are successful in something, it boosts your self esteem, which then makes you feel more confident to do it well again, or do the other thing you do well again.

Like that's [00:10:00] true for me as an adult,

Roni: Yeah. One of the other websites talks about it really well. This is the fmi. org website. They say they talk about eating family meals together increases what they call emotional survival skills, which is essential. Essentially it's like having a greater sense of resilience and being able to bounce back from hardships.

And I think that that it seems like their correlation that they're, they're gathering from that is that the shared meals create like a, a general sense of togetherness with the people in your family, which is the part of it that gives you that sense of resilience of like, you've got people around you who are going to support you through hard times and you're going to be able to get through it together.

Riley: I just immediately, my mind went to like, this is a safe space for people, you know, like this is a, uh, a place where they can share, you Like what's going on in their life and they're met. Hopefully they're met with, encouragement. Here's how I handled it. Like, I'm just visualizing, like my grandmother sitting at the table, me talking about what was hard about my day and [00:11:00] her saying, okay, well, here's.

Like, here's how you can grow in this because, you know, 90 years old, she's got a different perspective on life than I have. Or, you know, me as 14 years old or whatever. And it just, it's like a safe place to feel encouragement or be given advice. Um, like you don't have to just come up with this stuff on your own, especially when you're a kid, especially when you're in high school, like you might think you want to, but you don't have to.

And. It's a place where you can come and hopefully bring the pros and cons of your life and people can speak into them.

Roni: Yeah. And referencing Dr. Kristen Saxena again, she talked about an experience that they had as a family where her husband had a really challenging day at work or like something had gone wrong and he brought his own struggle to the dinner table and talked to his kids about it. And she talked about how impactful that was on her kids to see that.

Even adults struggle in their lives. I think as a, for kids, it's often, you know, we have to see our parents as like superheroes [00:12:00] and they could never do anything wrong up until a certain age. But like being able to bring your own struggles to the table and talk to your kids about that and even getting their perspective, like kids sometimes have such like a beautiful way of looking at the world.

That's so different from us as adults. And, and like getting a child to encourage their parent, I, I feel like it's just like a really wonderful reciprocal relationship when you're able to be vulnerable with your kids. I feel like that would support them being vulnerable with you as well.

Riley: Yeah. I think it builds that foundation of trust to kind of build that circle of trust. I'm just, you know, that's like, like, I'm just picturing this circular kitchen table and everyone kind of having that openness. Um, the woman who founded the family dinner project, which is what you were referencing earlier with all those benefits.

I, she has a I heard her speak in this podcast and she said that I sort of joke, I could be out of a job if more families had regular family dinners. She's a family therapist. So, so she could be out of a job. And so everything [00:13:00] we just talked about is this openness, this obviously doesn't solve every problem, but it's a great place to start.

Roni: Absolutely.

So some of the things that I brainstormed slash also came across online, um, about some ways to make family meals more possible in your household. I guess the first place that I want to start with that is. To start small. If you are currently eating zero family dinners together, don't expect that in the first week, you're going to eat five family meals together.

Starting at one a week, whether it's dinner, breakfast, lunch on the weekends or something, I think that that's a great place to start. If you're starting from zero, if you're already starting from we eat, two dinners a week, and you want to increase that to five dinners a week, that's probably more reasonable because you have a base.

But don't feel bad about starting small. Something is better than nothing.

Riley: we recommend people start meal planning it. We don't say just jump in, plan seven [00:14:00] meals a day or well, sorry, seven meals a week or. I guess way more than 21 meals a week, if you ate three times a day, like, don't do that. That's especially if this is a new habit, you're starting. I had that as a tip too, because life is chaotic.

And so it can feel, I think that people can feel when they hear all these stats, if things aren't going well at their house, they can feel like, I want that, but how in the world. Would I get there? And so I'm never going to get there. We don't even eat any meals together, whatever, or maybe we eat one and it doesn't go well.

Nobody talks. Just take a deep breath and, and start small, just like Roni said. And I love that you said that about lunch, breakfast or dinner or breakfast, lunch and dinner. It could be any of those. We're not saying that it has to be dinner together. It's just family mealtime and whatever that looks like.

Maybe your family eats two meals a day anyway. But just don't over, overcomplicate it by trying to do it every time you're together or trying to force five meals a day, five meals. I keep saying a day, five meals a week. [00:15:00] Just start with once and see how that goes, because I think that the more people enjoy it, the more you're going to be able to do it.

And obviously life is busy and you might not be able to do it more than once, but once is a great start.

Roni: I agree. Yeah. And I think related to that is if you, particularly if you're in the phase of struggling to how do I even get started? We do this zero times, being flexible, particularly when it comes to the food, it's not about the food. It's about the togetherness and about. Setting aside that time for family.

So if part of your problem is, is you're like, I just struggled to even, you know, get everybody fed, make it less about the food, more about the family time.

Riley: Absolutely. Simplify your planning process. First, if that helps you, like if you are a planner type, start with a tool like plan to eat and start planning. Okay. Get your food under control, get your food planned. And you know, I even have this note here, like simple is okay. Like [00:16:00] we're not talking about gourmet dinner here.

Like it could also be ordered. You order pizza and you plan to have pizza together on Friday night and you just are more into. You spend a little bit more of your energy on the conversation, but you have dinner provided for you. Um, doing these little things can really help a lot.

Roni: That goes into two of my tips. So one of them I had was create a meal plan because knowing what you're going to eat is kind of like

Riley: Half the battle. Yeah.

Roni: of the battle. Yeah, you once you've got that out of the way, the other things will come together a little easier. But then my other tip related to that that you mentioned with Pizza Night was like, if If you don't know where to get started, maybe try a fun theme, like a taco night or a pizza night, where it's definitely food that your kids are going to enjoy.

You're not like, we're sitting down for broccoli casserole kids, you know, you know, make it something that is, that is simple that everybody enjoys. And then that's also eliminating a barrier to entry of people being like, I don't like this. I don't want to eat what we [00:17:00] have before us anyways.

Riley: I love that tip and it's definitely aligned with what I have as tips, to piggyback up on what you just said. Don't look at the actual eating portion as the only portion of this that is family togetherness, because, you know, include everyone, ask your kids or your husband or your great grandmother or your friends who you're having over for dinner, your aunt and uncle, whoever it is, ask them, what do you guys want to eat?

What do you like to eat? See if they can participate in the planning. Um, that's a huge tip across the board. But also things like taco night or pizza night or, , you know, pick whatever it is. Like pizza night in particular, we actually just did this last night, which is why it came to mind.

Everyone had their own little personal dough. I had all the toppings out and everyone made their own pizza. Half of dinner was us putting together our own pizzas, interacting with each other, seeing what the other people were putting on theirs, making our own, how we liked it, which is kind of fun, you know, um, even my kids, you know, were [00:18:00] participating in that and putting their own toppings on their own pizzas.

And, and that, It's almost like the beginning of that, right? Like, it's this, it's this pretty cool little, like, we're all, we're all working together. And sometimes when conversation is awkward, you need a task beyond eating, right? And that task of putting the food together can kind of be an icebreaker.

Roni: I really like that tip a lot. I, uh, related to that, I also thought about, exactly when you mentioned it doesn't just have to be the eating time. It can also be the cleanup time too. Sometimes when your hands are busy. It's easier to get into a conversation for some people. That's like a time when it's easier to get into a conversation is you're washing the dishes, you're putting things into the dishwasher.

Maybe you can do that side by side with one of your children or your spouse. And, uh, that's, that can also be a time when people can open up a little bit better because they're a little distracted, their hands are busy doing something.

Riley: 100%. I feel that. I mean, last night, [00:19:00] our, my nephew is living with us currently, and he's 20, and he and I cleaned the kitchen together last night, had this awesome conversation, but there's this element of we're doing a project, we're working together on it. So there's like a teamwork aspect. But then there's also, I don't know, sometimes when people ask you direct questions and you feel at all squirrely about it, I'm having somewhere where you can like, okay, I'm putting this cup away.

I'm thinking about my answer. I can turn and I can give my reply without just having someone stare you down. Like there's, it's, it's helpful. And I just think that that, I'm thinking about teenagers with that tip in particular, just like if they're feeling a little squirrely about talking about the thing they want to talk about, or, you know, if you're a direct question asker, sometimes it's really nice to have a little bit of, um, a reprieve or a distraction that, like, not to get out of the conversation, but just to make it feel, like a little less like an interrogation or something.

Roni: Well, or if maybe one of your children has more introverted tendencies and they don't like being, you know, singled out [00:20:00] at the table to answer a question in front of the rest of the family, that might also be a better time to have a one on one conversation with them. Maybe that feels more comfortable than, Oh, there's five of us here and I have to tell everybody about this thing and I don't really want to.

Riley: I believe you and I talked to Linda about this, Sip Insanity.

Roni: Yeah. I think so. Yeah. Yeah.

Riley: Just when, um, there's an element of getting to go clean the kitchen or getting to go pick up where, especially introverts, like, that can be their, their time to shine, is when they get to go and they get to go wash dishes and you get to have a one on one conversation with them because maybe the large group setting isn't where they thrive.

Roni: Yeah so, one other thing that, I have here as a tip is, um, create a schedule around when you want to have family dinners. If particularly if you have a very busy life, if your kids have lots of activities, you can schedule family dinners the same way that you would schedule soccer practice or, yoga class or something, you know, you can, you can put it on your calendar and be like, Hey, just so everybody knows [00:21:00] Thursday, we're all going to eat dinner together.

So this is, I expect you to be here for dinner on Thursday.

Riley: And it's, and we're going to eat at six. Like having some really set parameters is good for me, but I also want to, you want to set a good expectation. Here's what we're doing here. Yeah.

Roni: Right. Yeah. But I think setting that expectation as well is then, then you're not disappointed if you're like, well, I'm trying to do more family dinners and nobody's ever around. You know, when, when dinner times comes up or on the weekends, nobody's here for, for lunch.

So we can't all eat lunch together. But I think if you schedule it and everybody knows that this is what we're doing tonight or this afternoon, it makes it a little bit easier to implement.

Riley: So I have a couple of other tips around this, if we can jump in with some of those. meeting your kids where they're at kids in particular on this one, um, changing up the environment can be kind of fun. Um, picnics, eating outside, uh, maybe if you have a fire pit or a fun backyard or a tree [00:22:00] house.

Eat it again. It doesn't have to be complicated food, but doing it in an environment like that, switching it up a little bit, can be just enough. Like really, I, I don't, I'm not exactly sure what I mean.

Roni: Get your kids excited about

Riley: yeah, get your kids excited. Like just switching the environment could be all it takes to like, make it a little bit more fun.

Uh, still focused, still family time, still dinner together, just in a little bit of a different environment to switch it up. I don't know, we eat in our kitchen all the time. So like doing something a little bit different is fun. You know, I have a, I have a four year old and a one and a half year old.

And I know that focus can be a problem with toddlers. And, so sometimes we definitely need the high chair. And we need to focus because, you know, picnics with a one and a half year old, she mostly eats dirt, doesn't eat a lot of dinner and she's running around like a crazy lady. So, so I understand that that might not be age appropriate for other people's kids, you know, like, cause again, it's hard.

Picnics are hard with my kids, but it's still as fun enough to do it every once in a while. But just changing the environment can be a nice little change up.

Roni: Mm-Hmm. 

Riley: So another thing is it could be, if your [00:23:00] kids can read to have a list of questions that you keep in a jar, Uh, on your kitchen table. Uh, and then if conversation is lacking, have the jar pass around. You pick a person and they pull a question and they answer it. And what I have found when I've done the jar questions is that.

Oftentimes it's like just the spark that's needed to have a conversation. The jar may never get passed to the next person because it leads to such a good conversation. And this is actually a tip that could be, uh, for a wide variety of people.

You can, you can actually purchase cards that have questions on them.

So your work team can use these if you're struggling to have connection there. Um, large family gatherings can use these and the questions can be age appropriate for adults or kids or teenagers or whatever. And it can actually be really fun. And I have found so often that it really leads to its own conversation.

And off, like you get way off track from the question on the card. But it really does provide that little bit of a, just a launching pad, just a jumping [00:24:00] board to get into something. Um, if someone's struggling to know what to talk about.

Roni: Yeah, this was one of my tips as well. And the family dinner project actually has a list of like 30 pages of questions. So there are definitely resources out there where you can find interesting questions to ask. I mean, listen to this one. If you woke up tomorrow and could do one thing that you can't do right now, what would it be?

Riley: I love it.

Roni: I love that question. When I saw this yesterday, I asked it to my husband because I was like, This is a really introspective question. I really like it.

Riley: Yeah, that's great.

Roni: But I mean, then there's also more simple ones where it's like, um, tell us a story of a time that you ate over at a friend's house. You know, maybe, and they could talk about what's different about how they eat dinner together or something, or something that they really enjoyed that they did at their friend's house that maybe your family doesn't always do.

In which case you can try to start incorporating those things at your house. If it's something your kid was like, I really liked this thing that we did.[00:25:00] 

Riley: And that's such a specific question, because I think that depending on the people you're with. Broad questions are hard. Um, I know for my four year old, uh, if I said, how was your day? She'd say, I don't know. Or I'd say, what did you like about your day? And she'll be like, uh, but saying when we went like, or, you know, when we went to Roni's house, what did you enjoy about her house?

Like something more 

specific. Um, kind of can help get the ball rolling and those kinds of questions really help too, because broad questions can be hard to answer.

Roni: right. But yeah, you could ask questions like, What's your favorite food right now? Which could probably be different every day.

Riley: Yeah. And for littles, uh, you know, I think that cause littles can be hard to connect with because they're little, they're little people, but like my four year old look at the colors on your plate. What's your favorite color on your plate? Um, and kind of help them, you know, engage in their food, in the food that they're eating.

Which again, like we said, it's less about the food and more about the connection. However, [00:26:00] you know, With kids, you're also teaching them about food. You're teaching them about healthy eating. Um, you're trying to inspire them to not be picky eaters. And those kinds of questions can really help with that kind of get them engaged in what they're doing.

Roni: Totally. I like that.

Riley: Another fun idea that I had, and this is kind of related to the everybody building their own pizza, but, doing something like, like a top chef themed dinner or chopped like these 

Roni: Mm hmm. 

Riley: where either people have to cook something that you give them to cook and Good luck, or you kind of create a competition out of it.

Like the preparing of the food, again, can be just as much of a part of the connection as eating it together. Um, and so doing things that can be kind of like inspiring, built, breaking that ice, you know, like, I don't know, maybe you all love shopped or maybe you all love top chef and you all kind of get into your teams and everybody makes a dish that all, you know, comes to the table and everybody has something to share.

If you have a lot of people together. [00:27:00] You know, even something like watching, like planning to watch a cooking show after dinner or planning to watch a cooking themed movie after dinner, like Ratatouille or Julia and Julia or something like that, just kind of creating a, like a, like an activity kind of environment, uh, I think can help, uh, break that ice again, because these things can be kind of awkward, especially if you're just getting started for the first time.

Roni: Yeah, I like that tip a lot. I have a family friend. Well, I guess she's just my friend that I grew up with. And, she has three siblings. So there's four kids and they would often, I think they most often did this like, around holidays or something when they just had a little more time to be at home and be together, but they would break off into two and two and the siblings had like a cookoff.

And they would present their, their, whatever they created for their parents and the parents were the judge. And I just always thought it was such a fun thing, just a fun idea to do. And, and I could tell that it brought a lot of like, [00:28:00] even it was friendly competition. So it wasn't like anybody was super upset that they lost it.

Would there was like camaraderie about it and. You know, they got to spend time with one of their siblings, doing a task, working together, all of, all of these like important skills that, uh, you need for the rest of your life. But then being able to do them in more of a safe space of your home, it was really cool.

Riley: I've actually done that. My, one of my really good friends, husband's claims that he has the best ice cream, homemade ice cream recipe. And I think my homemade ice cream recipe is the same. So one night we all had dinner together. And then each of us made a batch of ice cream and then everybody that we were with, which was just our families had to taste test.

And now, you know, I think mine was better. But it's ice cream. Like it's a fun, like

Roni: Who's going to turn down ice

Riley: people like ice cream. Like it's hard to mess up ice cream, you know? Like I just, and so in general, it was just a really lighthearted, fun competition, but, I don't know. It was just a really fun thing that [00:29:00] we did as just like two groups of friends or both two families that came together that are friends, you know, and it's that same idea, um, just implementing that with siblings or implementing it with relatives, uh, I think it's, it's really fun.

I think the only thing. That I want to add on to the end, just because I have little kids. And I think that, you know, we eat a lot of our meals together, but I think sometimes our meals can get like, it can feel like it's not a time of connection, especially with the younger one, because. You know, she's one and a half.

It's hard, you know, it's not like she's talking to me and having these deep conversations. Now my four year old, she'll have some good conversations with me. But with my one and a half year old, I, you know, This is going back to like the simplifying it.

We've given you a lot of ideas. Some of them are very complicated. Some of them are really simple. With my one and a half year old, I'll say to her like, what are you eating? Like say broccoli, you know, and she'll try to say broccoli and sometimes it's hilarious because that's a hard word to say or green beans or yellow because the color of the banana or [00:30:00] whatever it is and looking at that as a building block for connection.

It is connecting. It's me connecting with her. I'm looking her in the eyes. You look at me in the eyes and we're trying to interact. Um, I'm praising her for saying broccoli and the funniest way I've ever heard broccoli said, and that kind of thing, like, look at that. I guess if you're struggling or feeling like you're not doing a good job in this, like looking at these little things, like that is connection.

And so good job, like that is connection. And that's the connection that you were able to have with that person and that age and whatever. And so like looking at your kid and where they're at and just trying to like look in, I don't know, just giving yourself like a, like, don't stress out too much about it.

Like it doesn't have to be the stressful thing. It's got amazing benefits. And I think that these are compelling. Like you, we should want to have dinner together with the people that we love for so many reasons, but just, try not to overcomplicate it, which we've said many times, but just looking at what you're doing and trying to see [00:31:00] where you're already making connections.

And just try to pursue those a little bit more, I think, especially with kids at little ages.

Roni: I think something to mention as well is that it will get easier over time. The very first time that you all sit down to have dinner together, if you haven't been doing that might feel awkward and painful, and you might realize, I don't know a whole lot about my, my kids or where they're at in their life right now, or you could even say that about your partner, you know, if, if, uh, you both are, you know, extremely busy and you haven't had a lot of time to sit down and connect, you might have these realizations of like, wow, we We don't know a lot about what's going on in each other's lives right now.

Or I don't know much about what my kids are interested in, but as you do it more, you'll learn more things. And then I think the conversation will come easier as time goes on.

Riley: Totally. It's like a first date

Roni: Yeah.

Riley: or I mean, and I don't just mean that in like the dating sense of things, but I mean, [00:32:00] I've had dinner with people I've never met before, you know, husband's coworker or my coworker, whatever we get together for like a, you know, two on two dinner. And it's awkward at first until you settle into that little, you know, you find something to connect on and you can kind of settle in.

That first little while is kind of awkward. It is. And, you know, I think we can just say that, right? It's, it's awkward at first, but it does get easier and it's very much worth it.

Roni: Yeah, I totally agree. Well, Riley, welcome back to the podcast. Thanks for being here with me today.

Riley: Loved it.

Roni: There will be some links in the show notes to these different, to the interview that really listened to, to these different websites that we talked about. So if you want to read about the benefits of family dinner for yourself and feel more compelled, or if you want some of these conversation ideas, uh, we'll make sure all of that stuff is linked in the show notes.

And I think that's a wrap. So we'll see you again in two [00:33:00] weeks.