Dennis Rox
Transformative Power of Life's Smallest Choices
Have a question? Ask us and we will discuss it during the next episode.
Tom's throwback fashion choices might seem like a quirky focal point, but they sparked one of our most profound conversations yet. Listen as he joins us to unravel the impact of the small, seemingly inconsequential decisions we make every day. Together, we venture through the subtleties of personal growth, the weight of our daily routines, and how the minor shifts we embrace can lead to major transformations in our well-being.
This episode is a rich tapestry of personal stories, from battling addictions to finding harmony in authenticity. We delve into how aligning our actions with our values can alleviate the internal conflict of cognitive dissonance and foster self-confidence. Wrestling with the complexities of habits, whether it's quitting smoking or the way we dress, reveals insights into the consistent stance that reduces stress and enriches understanding.
We wrap up our journey contemplating the outsized influence of small gestures and the astonishing power they hold in shaping the narrative of our lives. Tom's epiphanies and our collective reflections serve as a testament to the significance of acknowledging the 'little' things for their collective sway. Embark on this exploration with us, and you might just uncover the transformative effects of what you've long dismissed as trivial in your own journey toward growth.
we on X
Have a question? Ask us and we will discuss it during the next episode.
Tom's throwback fashion choices might seem like a quirky focal point, but they sparked one of our most profound conversations yet. Listen as he joins us to unravel the impact of the small, seemingly inconsequential decisions we make every day. Together, we venture through the subtleties of personal growth, the weight of our daily routines, and how the minor shifts we embrace can lead to major transformations in our well-being.
This episode is a rich tapestry of personal stories, from battling addictions to finding harmony in authenticity. We delve into how aligning our actions with our values can alleviate the internal conflict of cognitive dissonance and foster self-confidence. Wrestling with the complexities of habits, whether it's quitting smoking or the way we dress, reveals insights into the consistent stance that reduces stress and enriches understanding.
We wrap up our journey contemplating the outsized influence of small gestures and the astonishing power they hold in shaping the narrative of our lives. Tom's epiphanies and our collective reflections serve as a testament to the significance of acknowledging the 'little' things for their collective sway. Embark on this exploration with us, and you might just uncover the transformative effects of what you've long dismissed as trivial in your own journey toward growth.
we on X
On this week's episode. Is that also a big contributing factor to?
Toliy:suffering. Oh, that is probably the only contributing factor to suffering. Shhh, whoa. I'm speculating and I think probably that a person who's half the time a good person and half the time a piece of shit suffers more than a person who's 100% of the time a piece of shit.
Phillip:We're having ideas of what it is and we can agree or disagree, but I think coming from that place of saying I don't truly know, is probably the most accurate way to live a better life.
Eldar:This shit is about to get interesting, so totally introduce something. You know, say something. Which epiphany did you have?
Toliy:Well, first we're going to dedicate the first 30 minutes of this episode to Tom, to Tom.
Eldar:Oh yeah, go ahead, tom.
Toliy:Just unload, Let him have it Alright thanks.
Tommy:Okay, it's a good idea to talk about this. This is just like a shotgun.
Toliy:Why are you doing the voice from bad grandpa?
Tommy:right now I am yeah, okay, so you're?
Toliy:saying take a deep breath. It's like a nasally old man, like nursing home voice.
Eldar:You wearing a very respectable, like grandpa sweater today. This is what I think.
Phillip:This is like the brother-in-law that you met. You married into the family. He's the brother-in-law.
Toliy:He can play in any movie the brother-in-law he's the brother-in-law in any movie.
Phillip:Anyone, anyone, and you can have like. You can be an investment banker, you can be a veterinarian, you can be a lawyer.
Toliy:you can be anything, and he would like like if you do like a family mischief, you could blame it on him and he'll take the hit.
Phillip:Yeah, no, you're the brother-in-law.
Eldar:Yeah, that sweater especially, holy shit.
Toliy:I don't know why, tom, but the way that you're sitting right now, and with that sweater, and like your whole hair and everything I just think it brings right. You look like you're between 50 and 75.
Eldar:Yeah, no, that's a compliment, tom, don't look at it as like a negative thing. That's a compliment.
Tommy:Oh, I understand.
Eldar:No, I'd say he's like.
Tommy:I grew up like that. You know, in my teens people thought I was older.
Phillip:No, it's a more like nostalgic look. It's a more like 1990s, like kind of vintage look. No, yes, it's true.
Eldar:It's a very established vintage, when I look at you, something comes over me like a little bit of peace, yeah, like it comes over me like okay, everything's fine, that's good, that means I'm doing everything right. Is this what you're going for? I think so. You want to make people feel comfortable.
Toliy:I would say I feel this, this sweater, then this getup.
Eldar:whatever it is that you're doing, I like it, Even though you look like a jackass. It accomplishes it.
Toliy:I would say I agree with you if he doesn't open his mouth.
Eldar:Oh yes, if he opens his mouth, it's getting exciting. Yes, you get anxiety, right? Yeah, all right, tom, so keep your mouth shut If he just looks like that it stays quiet with the outfit. Wow, you would do service.
Toliy:Serenity.
Phillip:Serenity Lavender Sick With a pipe Tom. This is very good, actually See.
Toliy:Practice your character being in character. That was a good point you just made, Tom. Wow. Oh, just being quiet. Yeah, totally Hit us with it, man?
Eldar:I mean, I'm not sure what you want me to say. You said you had an epiphany today about small things big things you said and everything else together. Yeah, I feel like, yeah, there's so much that happened. Sometimes it's hard to extract the fucking thing, but it's nonetheless, and as soon as you hit it, you hit it, so hit it.
Toliy:Yeah, I feel that, like I will extract the right question. Go All right, fine, I feel like there's a lot of in general when it comes to, let's say, self-improvement or ways of living or doing things, I would say that probably most people majority they focus on the larger things it might be like and it's usually things that are blanket things. Let's say, make a lot of money, like that's like a blanket thing, but there's a lot of small things behind it that might be in between that, but nobody has desires or aspirations to do any of those small things. It's not like something that's like One's like. You know what? I have this big goal of waking up tomorrow. Yeah.
Toliy:Right, yeah, yeah, right. And for me I feel that, like I've realized, at least there's a lot of small things that I've probably gotten wrong, just like a routine wise and understanding wise, you know, and I feel like, and they realize this today, what you realize this today, yeah, in epiphany yeah, well, no.
Toliy:So I realized these things a while ago and I've been trying to untangle them and figure them out for a while. You know lots of different assumptions, like all different types of things that you can verbally call small things, but they collectively have a large impact on me and I would say today is the first time that, like collectively, I felt the magnitude of importance of, like figuring out these things.
Eldar:The small things.
Toliy:Yeah.
Eldar:Well, not figuring out, but more so, maybe, extracting the good that they do carry.
Toliy:Well, I would like to kind of untangle all of those things and I think it would give me an opportunity to probably do all of those different concepts that people talk about like you know, like a think about what's going on, like pay attention, you know, like be in the moment, like all those things, and those things sound good like, and just like again, just like verbally, just like speaking about them. Right, yeah, like those words, but like again like how can you pay attention? If you like, there's like 20 small things that you, or cult, small things that collectively like are taking up your time or your brain power, like or causing you stress, stuff like that, like that's the last thing that you can dedicate time to you know, so, but it's really hard to be motivated until you understand, maybe, the magnitude or the impact on them Individually.
Toliy:I think it's very difficult to be motivated to have working like, like to work on those things as like a goal, because it just like, it just feels and sounds weird and it's probably not very socially accepted in society.
Tommy:Oh, that's interesting. I do find that interesting, Like I'm a big fan of coming across.
Eldar:Do you understand what he just? Said yes Can you tell me yes.
Tommy:I'm a big fan of coming across like, like little nuggets of things that like, maybe subconsciously, I thought were a thing but doubted was a thing. Like, like, I like relevant, like surprising, you know, like facts, I don't know, like I don't know, we might not think like social media is detriment to our attention and stuff, for example. But like, when someone presents a solution and you're like, oh, ok, wow, like you give it a shot and it works, like to relate, this might not be anybody's goal to say, you know, like, let me, let me tackle this as like a detriment of my attention. There's something, there's something here that needs to be done.
Tommy:I mean, when I, when I used to smoke, like my most common like example is like I didn't want to quit because I didn't really see anything to be gained out of it, only to be lost, like because it brings you pleasure, to light up, and you know, and that that addiction is something you say you frequently want to let go, but you just can't, there's just no way to. You know there's no. So, yeah, I mean, I find that one interesting too, because there was a lot to be gained. There's so much that I gained from quitting that habit. It's just an insane amount. I mean, it's not even quantifiable anymore. Like there's like my whole life, my whole life changed after I quit. Everything changed everything. Like I wouldn't, I don't think I'd be sitting here today.
Eldar:Was that a catalyst to more good actions?
Tommy:Definitely definitely, and it was like my circumstances were unique too, you know, but you know, some might not be the same for everyone.
Eldar:Yeah, so what would you suggest?
Tommy:the totally I actually just identified with the idea that there are little things that can be like change or altered habits, that can be quit or something.
Tommy:But like that maybe I'm not subconscious about you know, like I'm sorry, maybe I'm not conscious about it there's a subconscious belief that this could be true.
Tommy:That's why I come to love advice or, you know, I guess, like studies or ideas that like directly target these kinds of like you know, poor human habits that just come out of like the human nature or or you know, out of attachments or something like that. I used to love sitting up on my computer as a teen. I would sit on my computer all night long just doing art or just surfing the internet or, and I would lose sleep that I could have had for like better focus during the day at school, and eventually that habit just stuck with me for so long that I would fall asleep by the end of the day and in my classes I would just be done. And so I don't know like once you start throwing these really like I don't know unfortunate or you know mis, you know just sort of like unhealthy habits into this pot of like a pot of unhealthy habits like you're saying, you know like it adds up and you can know, I think I no longer saw the the individual effect of that one behavior on the whole.
Phillip:So you said that it was difficult or it was. You said you didn't necessarily see the benefit if you quit and you were addicted. But then you got to the point where you did so, where there were like actionable steps that you remember, where you got from smoking to not smoking and then seeing the benefit, and then like what made that go?
Tommy:This is like it's tough. I'll say this when addiction is like a problem, the person who was addicted me included, I include myself in this the risk or the likelihood of negative outcome often does not affect your decision making. You continue to do what harms you to such a detriment and like what exactly is it You're asking? What is it that like that you saw? Or what is it that you saw you were gaining?
Phillip:No, well, you said that you didn't at the time you were smoking, that if you stopped that you didn't see, like I guess, the light at the end of the tunnel or the benefit of stopping. But then you stopped and then you saw that there were a lot of benefits. So you got to a point where you were smoking and then you stopped. So like what to me I think it would be valuable? For what we're talking about is how do you get to the point of putting these things into place to get to that point where you're stopping and then you can kind of see the light at the end of the tunnel?
Tommy:So one of the interesting things that happened to me at the time, let me think. So I gave quitting a couple of rounds and I think I was really at a low when I quit the first time and what I experienced was like a need to just kind of to do something fun or just to go on to have some fun and play a little, or you know what I mean and I started running a bit in that feeling that I got from running. It was like part pain, but there was a lasting effect to it. That was really nice. That really made me rethink how I treat myself. But for a while, yeah, I was like on the fence, smoked a bit. So you're here, so you're right there, but I was a heavy smoker at first, so I would say that that tackled a huge part of it, like seeing that there were lasting effects and that feel good kind of mood, or you know.
Phillip:So what I'm hearing is replacement. So because what I hear from people also is that if you stop smoking, there will be other things that you're going to do. That's going to basically like fill that gap, because you're not just going to stop doing something and then just go on about your life. So my understanding is that I've known a lot of people who smoke. They then start overeating and then they gain weight, and what I understand from your example is that you found a healthier example is that you're going to replace smoking with running, because there's a high that you get.
Tommy:I was desperate. That's more natural, I mean, for me. I was told I had chronic bronchitis and I saw blood. Like I coughed into the sink and I saw blood, and I'd still didn't quit. You know, I was told this is terrible for you, taking x-rays, this is terrible for you. And I continued anyway. And same thing with my liver. Same thing I was drinking and I had like early cirrhosis of my liver, which is terrible. And you know, these things, I don't think these things really really did it. They weren't like, wow, information I received that said okay, this needs to change. You know, yeah, like feeling, feeling, what was it? I think that the thing that I want to mention to you I think might be interesting to you is that like what? Finally, like the final, like the point at which I said, okay, I'm done. You know it was.
Tommy:I think I was most motivated by the idea that there's a there's something cognitively telling me to continue this habit, and it's kind of physical, and there's a there's that that's holding me from from making this decision. And I could, I could turn it around, I could undo this and I could rewire my brain to do something extraordinary really, because, to me, quitting and finding strength in the exercise that I was doing was a total turnaround for my previous habits. I was not an athletic guy and you know ask Eldar, when, when we met, I was running miles. You know I was running miles a day and I was in. I was real slim and I had this obsession with the gym at that time, you know, and that was maybe a year after or so, after I quit doing a lot of things, you know quit smoking, quit using abusing drugs, you know, um, yeah, uh, yeah, so how was really motivated by?
Tommy:I think I didn't know what I had, I was just I did some reading and it taught me about how the brain rewires itself when you smoke and especially, you know, when you're a teenager, it affects your effects of how you study and things like that, and I was a terrible student. So that might have had a huge impact on my education without me even knowing it. But I kept that in mind because working out was challenging, but I also saw it as a catalyst for a rewiring of myself and the way I function. To me, that was the hardest, the most difficult challenge of it all.
Eldar:All right, not knowing, tom, that's a good example. Totally. The question is can this be? Can you find in your life a thing like smoking, that if you interrupted the service, interrupted this thing, your whole trajectory will change for the better?
Toliy:Well, I think probably um smoke. Smoke like quitting smoking in the sense of you're a heavy smoker. I would consider that a big thing If you're coughing a blood.
Eldar:yeah, that's a big thing, okay. You know it's not like Okay, so so you're saying that that big change that he experienced what he's talking about now is correlated to the big change that he actually made?
Toliy:Well, yeah, that was like a big thing, like I would categorize that.
Eldar:But ultimately, what does that? What does that actually do? Right, if you, if you take a stance against yourself, against your previous self who likes to smoke, right, and said you know what I'm going to be different you, what you're doing is you're almost raising awareness in the case of smoking, because smoking is so addictive, right, and it requires a lot of time, let's just say, throughout the day, if you smoke 20 cigarettes a day, let's assume he was doing that. Right, that's a lot of little moments in the day that almost bring you to that point of awareness right Now, through smoking.
Toliy:Well, yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying is that I viewed as like a large thing because like so encompassing in your life.
Eldar:Yeah, but nonetheless, nonetheless, it's not very, not very big, I think. I think what it does is just provide the same type of thing that you probably looking for is interruption of what you've been doing for a very long time, consistently Is just say, like an addict, right, Maybe your bad habits, and as soon as you find that thing that I can actually interrupt that whole process, you will gain awareness that you need in order to be in the moment and then do things the right way for yourself. That's what I was getting from that and I think it still applies to, maybe, as you call them small things, but they're not really small, I think it's the same goes to that.
Tommy:I think it's easy also to get hung up on. You know, over the years I've learned a lot of things that I feel have contributed to such a good character for me, but also feeling like sometimes, like like what the hell is going on? I should be doing everything right, I've learned all this stuff. It should help me be like a more extraordinary person, right? Like it should help me like fundamentally change, but then I find that I go through periods of time where I'm like in a bad mood, you know, and things aren't just as clear to me, like like, what's all this for? You know, I learned all this stuff, but what the hell does it contribute to?
Toliy:Yes, you're like, I view it more like, the more I'm thinking about these, like all this, like accumulation of all these, like if you want to call them small things, right I'm almost viewing them like, like, as you go through the process of thinking about all them and untangling all of those finds, right I feel like it's important to take a stance, and that stance has to be like a universal stance on all of those things. And I feel like, if you don't do that, what you're going to experience is I guess you can probably call it like a cognitive dissonance, or you're just not going to be aligned towards a particular side, and if you continue, to have that or nothing for you kind of thing.
Toliy:Well, I don't know about like completely all or like nothing. It's very hard to do.
Eldar:Again, it goes back to what? We're talking about earlier in the week, philip, it's that mindset of just like everything kind of has to be perfect.
Toliy:Well, I'm not saying that everything has to be like perfect and that everything has to be all done at the same time, but, like I feel like in life, if you take a stance on something right and you live your life a particular way, and then you have a bunch of other things where you have kind of like an opposite ish stance on it, right. So, for example, if you're someone that says like yo, you agree, discipline is dead right, I just say that right. And then you take this big overarching stance on it and maybe on some big topics you apply that, but you're going to do things that you like, right. And then if you're a person that also lives in the same world, where you do a bunch of little things, where you are applying discipline to them, you're going to be going about your day very confused as to why you are suffering.
Eldar:But can't you compartmentalize that in your head and not experience the pain or the confusion?
Toliy:from it. Well, no, I don't think that's.
Eldar:I think a lot of people actually do that. I actually think that a lot of people say you know what? Yeah, compassion is a really good thing, right? And then, without really understanding that compassion doesn't only extend towards, let's just say, human life, they go and they become very cruel towards insects or animals.
Toliy:Yeah, well, yeah, they might be doing that, but those things are affecting them.
Eldar:and then they I'm not sure if they. I'm not actually sure they do.
Toliy:Well, I think they do. They just don't tie them to those things.
Eldar:Yes, and that's the thing. That's where the ignorance as bliss comes in.
Toliy:Well, yeah, but nonetheless you're still suffering.
Eldar:Yeah, but not the same. I think it's blind suffering versus more conscious suffering. I think it's two different things.
Tommy:I still actually deal with this irrational thinking that tells me I've got to suffer so and I've got to work so, so hard to be a happy person, or something like that. And it used to be like, okay, I'll learn this thing so that I can hustle, and then I'll have the money and I'll be happy. So it was like. But I always hit a wall, like I start something and then I'm like I lose hope. But I don't feel that way really. Today I feel a lot more hopeful, a lot more proud, and there are reasons for that.
Tommy:There's a way that I live my life today that I don't know that helps me stay centered and feel balance. We talked about balance and it's not always clear to me, like here, for example, like I've been around you guys and hanging out with my friends and stuff, or just work in general. Let's just talk about work. Sometimes it feels like, okay, where's all that time that I could have possibly to myself and to actually work on the things that I'm interested in? And that confuses me. That actually makes me feel a little. I don't know. It might make me feel annoyed, it might make me feel a little hopeless, but something about what I love doing tells me that I can't just go raising the jumps. I need to take things a little out of time, and that kind of like shatters this notion that all of it must be done in an immediate way.
Eldar:So you're talking about humility, then, and being humble and taking one step at a time versus those huge strides, like you said.
Tommy:Right, because if you go wrong and if you let yourself down in a way, then in a way you're the one who's responsible. If I go home and I'm like, damn, this is just not going to work, I'm so hopeless. No, I'm not going to sit down and do anything I love doing.
Eldar:Yeah, you can't, it's impossible.
Tommy:And that's on me.
Tommy:You know what I mean. And, yes, I agree with you, because if you say to yourself, hey, here's what I did wrong and here's what I learned from the way I'm doing things right now, and then you come up with something that you can do for yourself that will substantially have an impact on your life in the near future we're talking about it right now in what terms you can help yourself? Like am I going to? For example, one thing that I used to do that I still think about today, but I don't see a purpose of doing it. I was really busy at the time and I was studying and I was joining clubs and stuff, and I was up at 5 am every day and I literally knew down to a T like I can't sleep less than a certain amount of time and meet certain conditions. This is how I was thinking, and one thing that I would do that would really help me is to take my clothes and set them out before the next morning.
Eldar:We're closed. For what To take a?
Tommy:shower. Make everything ready. A bag ready to go with the outfit, the gym clothes and stuff like that, and that considerably expedites my morning, because I know the clothes are there and I know I'm putting them on, and I know the bag is there and I know I'm taking it, and everything else just goes really smoothly after that.
Eldar:That's a very good example, soho. What you think? A small thing like that, consistently, that's going to contribute, even if you don't go and say you know what, I'm going to pick up this bag and go to the gym, but you know that the bag is there. Isn't that, now, that thing serving you for the better versus for the worse, or will you get a guilt trip out of that as well?
Eldar:Let's just say to interrupt all your bad habits or small little things that you're talking about. It's a matter of just making your bag to go to the gym. The intention behind you wanting to go to the gym, play basketball or a cow, lose weight, whatever it is Right. Even if you don't do it, but you prepare yourself and have the mentality of preparation Right, Will that interrupt all the other things that actually has been weighing down on you?
Toliy:Well, I'm not sure if it's going to interrupt everything, but I'm saying this but I do agree that if you do that probably every day in your morning is maybe more planned out or like thought out. I do think you'll have a much better experience. Okay.
Tommy:Now, how much do we need to really invest in planning a day? I don't think it's a lot.
Eldar:I mean, it depends on the person, Right, I think the individuals who have it really bad for themselves, like you know that really don't know what to do from moment to moment almost right, because they're suffering so much they might need a little bit more structure in the beginning. Right, the people that have it kind of more together, good habits became habitual and automatic. They don't need structure at all. All right, they just kind of like fall into it. Okay, like this is the time block where I do this, this is the time block where I do this, and it's how I feel. And they kind of have a consistent little thing.
Eldar:And it's funny because you were asking me before totally about my routine and I started thinking about that and that's how I looked at it. I looked at it in these little blocks of like okay, cool, like morning is my morning, and then from morning I go to work, and then at work I have a very specific identity, very specific tasks that I do. I don't even think about it, I don't put too much thought into it, I just do it. And then after work I go to the gym and then after gym I go home and I relax and be a husband or whatever you know, and those are the blocks. That's kind of the those blocks that I look myself into, you know?
Toliy:Yeah, but so what I was saying before about taking a stance right is that I feel like, for you at least, you have these like and I feel like a lot of people don't including myself right Like, for example, there are certain universal I guess, if you want to call them laws or ways about going things that, like a lot of people might apply towards a lot of things. Like what?
Eldar:Like what Like what Okay? Like what are you thinking about when you say that?
Toliy:Yeah, Like, for example. Like, let's say maybe, how I generally act to the people around me compared to, for example, how I act towards people on the basketball court. Okay.
Toliy:Right. Okay, it could be two very completely different identities, right, and like ways about going about things. Yeah, I might like to the people around me. I mean, at times maybe I'll tend to be more respectful or like in comparison to like how I am in the basketball court right. Maybe more respectful, maybe more considerate, maybe more understanding, like probably, yeah, more patient. Like you know more of everything in comparison to that, right, yeah, explain why.
Eldar:Huh, explain why. Why would that? Why would it be such a big disparity? For people don't know? Well, that don't know. Why would you have? Why would? Totally on the basketball court would be very different from totally at work.
Toliy:Well, I think it has to do with the point that I'm trying to make on this, which is that, like there are certain laws that I maybe put value in, or like abide to right, or like wait, like I'm not sure what the right word for them is, is it like? Is it like your laws? Is it like what you believe?
Toliy:What you go by, right, attachments, yeah, yeah, like stuff like that, right, and I feel like what I'll try to say before is that there's big things, there's little things, right, but they all kind of contribute towards a particular type of lifestyle, particular levels of stress, particular levels of progress and understanding, right, and if you don't take a universal, like laws, stance towards those things and you have different sets of rules for all of those different things, you're going to suffer.
Eldar:Okay, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, okay, now I get it now.
Toliy:So until you take a stance on everything, that okay. You, for example, you might value listening to people right. Listen to what they have to say Now, if you generally do listen to what people are trying, to say and then you have something that you do in your life that you let no time for people and you're disrespectful and you don't want to listen to what they have to say. That thing is going to be like an interruption to what you're overarching thing. You're programming.
Toliy:Now you have this little thing that is going to be a virus towards your whole system. Wow, okay, I get it now.
Toliy:So that's what I was saying. Is that, like? That's where I felt, this morning at least, is that I felt the magnitude of the impact that all these little things that I have, these like wrong understandings and wrong rules that apply to them, that I've been conditioned to acting or participating in certain ways right, that cause me stress, that cause me suffering and that, ultimately, are detriment to the identity that I'm trying to build, to call to me.
Eldar:Yeah, no, I get it now. I was very well put, you explained it properly.
Toliy:Yeah, so that's what I mean by like taking a stance. Yeah, I get it now, right, yeah, it's like, for example, our dear, dear dear friend, asa, right, it could be a good family man around his daughters, right, I know he has. Or his wife, right, or yeah, or maybe if he comes around here but you make a wrong call in the court, don, you're going to get beheaded. It feels like he's going to pull a knife on you. Yeah, you know, yeah, right.
Phillip:Yeah.
Toliy:Because I'm guessing that he does not apply those identities. Yeah, when speaking, when like compared to who he is, when he would come around.
Eldar:Why do you think that is? Then, what's this human condition that we actually, you know, separate these things in so many different categories? I guess of importance.
Toliy:Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Is that, like, when you're a person you are like who, you are, right and then, as you live, if you're like a self-developing person which I believe that everybody is, regardless of like, whether they make it a point to think about self-development or whether they have no choice in the matter.
Toliy:Yeah, they're developing, and on different things at different paces, Everybody is right. Yeah, You're not developing all things at the same time, You're not examining everything right. And that kind of leads to what I was saying I don't remember if it was earlier in the week or last week about examining everything and having this relentless effort to do that because you like.
Toliy:if you don't do that, then you're going to have different points where you actually yeah, you're going to realize that you have a different set of rules than this, than you do in this, and when you ask why I guarantee you won't have an answer. It makes sense, you know.
Toliy:But I guarantee you the accumulation of all those little things, right. They're going to have a huge impact on your life. And now you're going to be put in a position where you might be like you might have some big things like down packed, or like you understand them, or like you get the concept of this, and you're going to be confused as to why you can't like actualize right, because you have all of these little things that have completely different sets of rules and that are blocking you from being the person who you know you can be being one person.
Eldar:Yeah, so you are many different people in many different scenarios. Yeah, yeah. And that is is that also contribute a big contributing factor to being to suffering.
Toliy:Oh, that is probably the only contributing factor to suffering Shit, wow, oh, can you do me a favor? Can you wake up, philip?
Eldar:So is this the reason why Philip wants to go into acting? We ending this fucking shit early.
Tommy:Yeah, you know something.
Eldar:Is he not doing enough acting? You need more right Now. You have to do it in reality.
Phillip:God damn it. I think it'd be fun.
Toliy:What is he saying?
Tommy:And look, I have to say I'm in Phil's camp right now because I need more fun, Philip Well sign up. Sign up.
Toliy:Bye bro Bye.
Tommy:Someone asked me. Someone asked me about New Year's Resolutions. Say hi to him in your camp. Someone asked me about New Year's Resolutions and just that morning I was thinking about hey, where's my life? Off balance, and I had three categories Adventure, oh fuck. And I pulled this from a book.
Phillip:But look, I had to think about this.
Tommy:I had to think about this. There are different. According to this author, there are different areas of life and the three areas because I don't remember all of them right now, but the three areas that I needed more are she categorizes them as adventure, slash, romance, friends and play. These are three areas where I'm not making any progress, not at all. I'm hardly around here. Like Mike said the other night to me, you got to come around and be around your friends because we'll support you.
Eldar:Is this just an act, tom, is this just an act?
Tommy:No, I need more play. I haven't dated anyone, but I have few adventures in general, so I would like to see.
Eldar:So you're going to get your beak wet soon.
Tommy:But hey look, I mean, there is this idea here that's relevant, there's a vision of who I could be and there's who I am right now and the gap in between who I could be and who I am. And what's interesting is, from here, from present moment, like the closest I got to adventure was getting on a flight yesterday to go to Paris, like last minute, with no bag, right, and I turned it down and I thought about that this morning, right, maybe for good, you know, maybe for the right reasons.
Tommy:But, still when I question and when I ask myself like, what adventure would you go on, tom?
Eldar:you know, like, Can you just explain the offer to the public so they can get a context of what happened for you going to Paris? You know, just like spontaneous, like, can you?
Toliy:say what you were doing, also when this was offered.
Eldar:I mean you were stuffing envelopes and then I came up to you and I said hey, like you just need a reset right, like you just need like to reset yourself and fill. You asked and you said hey, like, can you act it out like you?
Tommy:feel you asked.
Toliy:Say something dumb, act it out.
Eldar:I didn't think it was a clash.
Tommy:Tom, what would? Be, an idea for a reset for you?
Eldar:Yeah, and then what happened?
Tommy:and Tom goes and I said, oh, now I'd like to go to Paris.
Eldar:Nice, and then we proceeded to do what sometime we proceeded the bidding, and usually when we do bidding we raise money for Tom to do whatever the fucking thing that he wants.
Toliy:And what was the final bid?
Eldar:What was the final bid? We raised 3k and cash. 3k and cash. First class ticket to France. Okay, First class ticket to France and a 10 night stay, and 10 night stayed included in France as well.
Tommy:Yeah, but you had to leave with nothing but what you were wearing that day, yeah, that night you had to leave.
Eldar:that night you had to go home, pick up the passport and go and you declined the offer.
Tommy:Okay, so here's that is. This is a perfect example to illustrate my point that the plan, the path isn't always going to be clear. But now I have some specific sort of like actionable, specific like things that I want to target, like um and they have a plan. They include play friends, which I've been spending more time around my friends, which I felt also kind of helps keep me in balance. Okay, and it's also been rewarding. So you're using us.
Tommy:No, no, it's been rewarding because, um, you know, I I had, you know, at least for this week right where I've been working here and everything, um, working with you guys, I've felt, uh, an opportunity to kind of meditate on the, the good that that it brings to, to be challenged, to be challenged to think about, um, to think about what, what you want to get out of life. You know, these are just things, you know, just things that I've been thinking about. Who was challenging you? I cannot go on adventures because I don't have that extra money, and I can't go on a romantic adventures either because I'm not really confident in myself, and and and.
Tommy:In this manner, I just kind of go around the, the, the, the, the path, the paths, um, that I would like to take, and I try to improve a little bit in every way, you know, um, so, so, in a way, like I'm right now where I need to be, um, but I think it perfectly illustrates the point that it might not be right for me to hop on a plane. You know what I mean? Because, based on my judgment of all the other things going on in my life, um, yes, it'd be, it's, it's see, that's the thing. It only pushes me to work harder, to challenge myself, to find out what that adventure really is. So you know what I'm glad. I'm glad and, and it doesn't phase me the, the, the price of that ticket or the amount of cash that was offered, or you know where, where I'll be going or where I'll be staying and stuff Um, I think the exciting, the most exciting thing to me is that, uh, and that that I could, that I could, um, I could come up with the solution and execute it myself.
Tommy:That's a fantastic feeling. And just knowing that I've made good decisions lately that have allowed me to see my friends more often, you know, by, by, by saying yes and being willing to support you when you're in need. Come here and work and have this opportunity and work my ass off, and I mean that's a for me, that's that's that's a win.
Eldar:That's a win.
Tommy:It's absolutely a win. Good, it's absolutely. And for those other things you know, I it benefits me. I walk away from here and I feel a little bit more confident because I've worked and, um, you know, and I've got friends and you know, and there's the possibility of more adventures, more more romance, um, and and that for me, it brings a sense of self-confidence. So what do you think?
Eldar:about this, um, totally about his whole spiel about how he feels and how they're like now it's. This type of small things is actually what he's gaining, you know well, I think it's from and all this like empowerment that he's talking about. What has happened here which has part? Yeah?
Toliy:Yeah, I mean, some people call me a hater. Mm, hmm. Some people call me spec like a speculator. Yeah, Like I'm speculative, or like uh like pessimistic. Yeah, pessimistic yeah.
Eldar:But in Tom's case um, yeah um, it sounds like Tom is going through the same thing that you're going through, right, and he's going to the basics.
Toliy:Yeah, and that's a humbling experience.
Toliy:Yeah, yeah, I mean, I feel like in Tom's case, he's going to, he's going to need to put probably time on his side to see if he's actually feeling this way or not. Oh wow, he's in God's for a Paris trip in the six weeks, or not? Okay, um, but one thing that I was thinking about while Tom Tom was rambling was also trying to look up the, the um definition for cognitive dissonance, and basically I mean it. So. So the definition here is it saying that the discomfort, the discomfort experienced by an individual who holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas or values at the same time?
Toliy:Yeah, right, so I'm not sure, for example, what, um, what Socrates, uh, said on it, right, I said I don't know, but, um, but one, one hunch that I'm thinking might be a reality is that, for example, I, I think a lot of the times when people talk about um like enlightenment or something like that, I'd probably guess it's probably a like a holistic, like a wholesome, like a consistency in character in a particular way. That's probably um in line with virtues, like that. That's probably like the definition of enlightenment, right, if you could, as a whole, towards all the different things in your life, apply like the greatest virtues no, no right Consistently moment to moment.
Eldar:It doesn't matter what scenario or what identity. Okay.
Toliy:Now, also, I would argue that if we want to take two polar opposites um, someone who is 50% of the time, for example, very compassionate and someone who's 50% of the time a piece of shit right, I'm speculating and I think, probably like just based on what's making sense in my mind is that a person who's half the time a good person and half the time a piece of shit suffers more than a person who's 100% of the time piece of shit.
Toliy:Oh, yeah, probably because the person who is one way, a particular way, right. They're like this always.
Eldar:They don't know nothing. It's ignorance is bliss.
Toliy:It's ignorance is bliss towards the the max right, but the other person's confused right, but the other person you could be like. Well, what do you mean? They're suffering more, like half the time they're good, but I think the immense pain that they feel from the other half being bad, bad, confusion and all that. Confusion. All that is greater than the person who's bad 100% of the time.
Eldar:All the time. Yeah, it was completely ignorant.
Toliy:Yeah, so I was agreeing with what. What I agree with what you were saying before is that people in general, I think, are like in all different kinds of pieces and directions and all different kinds of things, and I think the goal is probably to align all of those things so that you are one person, one person, one character and all the different things that you do, and I think that that's probably like the key to feeling good and having a good day and not requiring, like you can apply it to everything.
Toliy:Like if you are that way towards everything, you don't need discipline because you're going to know exactly what you want to do when you want to do it. Like all of these things will make sense. Yeah, I guarantee, if you take apart, like people's lives and all the different actions that they do and their thoughts towards all different things, they're going to be all in different directions and misaligned. But sometimes it's hard to spot because, again, lots of times, like if you're judged a particular way or proceed a different way, you think about like big things, right, yeah, like all of those little things that are all in those different directions, they're just like a plague and they're just like a parasite that live within all of those things.
Toliy:And then again it's like if you don't realize that the motivations to not think about the big things but put these little things as a priority, I mean, like who again, who's going to say the goal is just to wake up tomorrow or something? Right, like someone probably on their deathbed, right? Yeah, that's their goal to wake up tomorrow, yeah Right. Or like a lot of really old people say, like like my grandma and her brother, they have like a joke, like they're like like my grandma would ask him like oh hey, like, how are you doing, how are you feeling? He's like well, I woke up today, so it's pretty good. I guess, like you know, but like he jokes around a lot, so you might see something like that.
Phillip:So the guy who's at 100% right and he's a piece of shit, and then there's the 50% who's having the wrong way.
Phillip:So if the goal is to be 100% good, right, like I think everybody would say that they want to be 100% good. So do you think that the person who's 100% piece of shit is he? Is he going to then change one thing where he's going to go to 100% good? Or is that person who's 50% good, 50% piece of shit? Or they may be halfway there, and I'm looking at it more as a process. Like I see the person who is 100% like a piece of shit all the time. I think he's really far away from being good.
Phillip:Now the argument is now, do they feel more of the pain or not? And because it's totally like they're totally shut off and they haven't experienced any of the good, I think he can make that argument. But I would say that the person who's 50% good and bad is at least on the path too good. And I think it is a process where we're talking about all the little things. It's probably like 1%, 2%, 5%, and then you're getting to 100. I don't think you go from 100 all the way to zero, right?
Eldar:See, I think that the reason why he rated them like that is because I think that the person who's 100% piece of shit is has almost like a clean slate, right, so he can actually technically I think that he can if he decides to find like, oh shit, like I need to change, I think he has a better chance than the individual was actually confusing his states back and forth all the time. You know what I mean? Well, one guy is jumping from one identity to another identity, like that movie, right. You guys talked about Joe Pesci. Right, he's gone out there is killing people right during the day, I mean during the night, and in the morning he comes in, he cooks breakfast for his kids, right, and he's like there's good data or whatever, right, so totally, at least there is.
Tommy:Yeah, it's like the Irishman.
Eldar:Yeah, totally serious that like he's actually he's worse off because he's already, like he's somehow justified and compartmentalized those two identities to be separate. Right, and the person was doing 100% wrong. I don't think he had the chance yet to do so.
Phillip:So it's more confusing to be half and half.
Eldar:Yeah.
Toliy:Yeah, and my main point is that there's more suffering involved, like in specific, because it's like you kind of you almost to a certain degree, no more. And when you know more, no more. But you're splitting all these different things, you're bound to probably like, feel more and you're bound to just feel more pain.
Phillip:So if you think that, you did a test with both. You think it's easier for the 100% guy to get to zero and like clear his mind and like make a transformation, versus the 50-50 person.
Toliy:Probably yeah.
Phillip:Yeah.
Eldar:He's not yet tainted by the fact that this individual who's half and half has learned how to switch on, switch off, switch on, switch off and that alone is, I think, is a sin against yourself, or next level of cognitive dissonance. Where, on one hand, you're a killer, on the other hand, you're this good dad who's perceived as like, oh nice, he's making breakfast every day for his kids.
Toliy:Do you know what it's about? What did Sakrati say on cognitive dissonance?
Eldar:Oh no, I'm pretty sure he said have a look at it up. Pretty sure he said stay away from it as far as possible.
Toliy:Okay, but it doesn't come to mind what his take on it.
Eldar:No, his whole general theory is unexamined life is not worth living. I think cognitive dissonance falls into the unexamined life. Yeah, I think everything he preached was to remove yourself from cognitive dissonance as far as possible.
Toliy:Yeah, and look again, if we all right now, think about things that, like, we're upset about ourselves or we didn't like how it happening, right, like you might have yelled at, like I don't know, let's just say, a family member or something, right, how do you feel afterwards? Right, like you feel away about it, because it's like you have this feeling that you are not the guy who yells at your family member, right, so you feel a particular pain towards that and you feel bad. The person who always yells, for example, at their family members, like that's all they know, like that's what life is right, so they don't have that ability to like, think about it and reflect back. They're like because of that.
Eldar:Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Cognitive dissonance how?
Phillip:did that person. So how does that person then like, okay, so say that person, that's the hundred percent, like that all the time that person, let's say they do get a side of the light and they do see what it feels like to be good, is that automatically like all gone? Because that person who has 50, 50, they had to get some glimpse of the light to see. Like, oh, I like the way that this feels, this is the right way to go about it, but they still have the weight of all their other habits that, like, have built up over time. So, like I just don't see, with the other guy at the hundred percent, like he's not going to have to take it as a process, I just don't see how, like, that's going to automatically shift. There had to be like that person was at 50 percent. They were at 100 percent at one point, like they were a piece of shit, right, like all the time.
Eldar:Possibly Is that a good chance. Well, again, then we have to find out like how does a person become 100 percent piece of shit? Let's just say or does everything wrong? Let's just say you know, it's also like right. We would have to dissect really what we're talking about.
Toliy:I probably speculate that the person who's 100 percent and sees a little bit of light, they, for example, they would probably be a lot more inquisitive than the person was 50, 50.
Eldar:Yeah, so it's open-mindedness almost she's talking about. Then the other person is a little bit more closed-minded because they kind of like, got some, some stuff sorted out and some stuff is not.
Toliy:You know what I mean. Like, like when everything is so bad and you get a little bit of good, I would think that that person probably wants to ask particular questions or want to find out more than the person who's kind of like 50, 50. They have a big case for each side, like already made, and they probably have a lot more ego. Why?
Eldar:Because they might say, hey, look at this, I take care of this and this is perfectly fine. On this side of the fence right, I'm still a good dad, the smartest person in the room is the 50, 50.
Phillip:Okay, but why would the 100 percent guy be inquisitive at all?
Eldar:Oh no, he has to come to that little point, he has to hit rock bottom and then he becomes right, he becomes the person of like inquiry.
Toliy:Yeah, the 50, 50 person. They never go anywhere, they never get it that bad and then they never get it good. So, like they're stuck, yeah, yeah, you're just more stuck. It's harder to make a change when you're stuck.
Eldar:Yeah. But when you acknowledge that, you look at your actions and if majority of your character right is faced with cognitive dissonance and constant wrongdoing, you can call yourself like, oh shit, am I really doing this wrong? Oh, my piece of shit. And then you can kind of maybe then get a clean slate if you acknowledge that and allow humility to kind of maybe wash away some of those sins by being then, like you know, surrendering to the whole idea of like oh wow, what have I done?
Phillip:Like repenting, almost right when my brain goes is that person that's 100. Like the likelihood of that person being humble and inquisitive seems off. Like the person who's 50, 50, there is an element of humbleness, and like inquisitiveness because it's an act Like you think that the 50% is not true, it's an act. See when we were saying you know, so those good acts are coming from a bad place.
Eldar:Well, no, it's not connected, because what he's saying is that there's interruption of service almost where the person who's doing the right stuff has not understood that. Actually, that should be translating all across the board in your whole life. But if you divided the character, you now have split personality, right, that's why they can exist within one person at the same time. You can be a hit man, but then you'd be a good father. You know what I'm saying. You've separated those two identities.
Toliy:Not taking a stance is guaranteed, pain guaranteed.
Tommy:You may not know even where that would be even worse, Eldar, because there's no concept of that's what he's saying. It is worse no concept of morality.
Eldar:There's no concept of morality, correct. That's why I'm saying that it's almost like an act. You put up an act.
Phillip:I understand it better if the good that we're talking about is not truly good.
Eldar:It's probably not truly good.
Phillip:I'm under the assumption when we're saying good, I'm actually doing genuine acts and like-.
Eldar:But you're making pancakes for your kids in the morning. Is that a genuine act or not?
Phillip:No, no, no, I'm talking about like being like a genuinely like good, caring, compassionate person, of like somebody who is going to ask questions, and like be genuinely interested in like you as a person, your character.
Eldar:But then that type of good, okay, but then go and do something wrong. Give me an example of that. I don't think you can Somewhere else Like here. You are At work, at work. Let's just-.
Toliy:Yeah, exactly what you're saying. When you're bringing up this example, the person that you have to bring up, you can't, like say general things that they do, right, because then that would be a consistency of character. You have to bring up a person who's like hey, this person at work is like really inquisitive and caring and kind, and then he comes home to his family and Beats his wife, beats his wife, right? How you can't just say that, like in that example, if you're trying to depict someone that has that, that they're like a caring and like varying whizitive and like a kind person, Because then you're bringing up actually a person who is consistent in character. The commonality with all these kinds of situations is that they're very situationally specific. Right, like you might be one way and one thing, and then a completely different way in a different part of life that you live.
Eldar:But what if you found out that I like I come home and then I like I beat the shit out of Archie? You know what I'm saying?
Eldar:Yeah, it's gonna be wild. It's gonna be wild to you, right? Yeah, like you see the because you see how much love I show him here. Yeah, like it should translate at home, you know what I mean? Like there's no character, where I come in there and I start kicking his ass. Like you know what I mean, like scolding him, like locking him in a bathroom or something. Yeah, it just would be like wait what you know? But what he's saying is there's a lot of times you will see certain things where they're not consistent in character, because people putting up, putting up together and act almost in order to fit in.
Phillip:So the good, okay. So then, like I said, like that type of good that we're defining then does make sense, because that good is not a genuine act.
Eldar:Yes.
Toliy:No, so it could still be genuine, but it's genuine towards only that topic that you're talking about.
Phillip:No, the way.
Eldar:Or it could be perceived as that.
Phillip:The way that I'm understanding it is. It's good because if, like that guy, whoever's at work, he needs to keep up a certain image, to either like keep up his job or like keep his image up.
Eldar:There's different motivations behind it.
Phillip:Yes, See, like those other motivations are ulterior motives and like I don't think you can have ulterior motives and have genuineness in the same, I think I agree with that. So again, like now that I'm understanding the type of good we're talking about, it makes more sense because it's like a deceitful good and that makes more sense to them be attached to the bad. That's right. That 50-50 character is now makes more sense to me.
Eldar:Nonetheless, the 50-50 character, the 50 character of good, is benefiting from the good that he's playing the story to himself.
Phillip:He is, but we are not.
Eldar:That's right. That's right, Like we're watching that and we're like what are we talking about here? And that's bad.
Phillip:That's bad.
Toliy:Yeah, I don't think that there could be parts of that person's life that they are like genuine in no no, they think that they are.
Eldar:You have to make an example of that they think they're genuine, I agree with Phillip here, yeah.
Phillip:Yeah, they think that they're genuine. I don't truly believe that that 50-50 person can ever be 100% genuine. Yeah.
Tommy:I don't believe that. I don't think they even believe that they can be 100% genuine.
Toliy:Well, no like are you talking about that? They cannot be genuine in parts of their life.
Eldar:Yeah, I don't believe in like you can be half what he's saying is that they have real good reasons as to why they're going to be using that specific character in that specific environment for that specific moment.
Tommy:Right, which betrays themselves as well in other situations.
Phillip:Correct, yeah, if you dissect it and he's getting something from being a certain way to me. If you're genuine, 100%, I'm giving you a kind back because I don't want anything in return.
Eldar:Yeah, I will open it. You will do the right thing when nobody's looking All the time.
Toliy:Exactly no, but I'm saying could you do that in parts of things?
Phillip:He says no, I think you're a sociopath, then no, yes, yeah, I don't think that's possible.
Eldar:Yeah, I'm not sure.
Phillip:Yeah, See, I think it's really really hard to do that and then also have the bad behind you, Because if you have enough good and you know what it is, then that's the example of L L L L L L L L L L L. You have to be like that around us and it's like wait.
Toliy:Then I would start to think, like you know, l L L, l, l, l L L. No, but that's. That's an example where it's two different locations or scenarios but the same topic.
Tommy:I have an example for this.
Toliy:I'm talking about. Can you be, for example, a particular way towards your family, but then on thestill court like a piece of shit.
Eldar:Impossible because the true characteristics will always shine through, whichever it is. It could be hidden really well, but the true stuff will always be there.
Toliy:So how do you know in that situation what's the true stuff?
Eldar:At the end of the day, you're judged by the lowest point of who you are, and I mean you guys probably have your own examples where your family members may be accused of being a certain type of way, or you're being accused by somebody else, your co-workers are being a certain type of way and those are probably. If those will start lining up, you start seeing that there's a consistency of character that is being poking through those cracks that you've built for yourself. I guess.
Tommy:Yeah, what's it called Like? What if you skimp on your own standards? You know what I mean. What if you skimp on your own goals? Well, that's what he's talking about.
Eldar:He's talking about that, that, like, if you do skimp, if you don't put yourself against that higher standard, that you will see suffering, you will see the inconsistency of character in different fields of your life that you're living out. You know.
Toliy:Yeah, but I think I'm also saying that like, I feel like people do this because they're like a routinely I don't know if the word is like trained or like.
Eldar:Oh, that's a problem.
Toliy:They have like a particular rule. Yes, that's the thing.
Eldar:They have rules because they're certain at work.
Eldar:Right, we got to be cordial and all this other crap. You know what I'm saying. Like, are we so under that impression? But then again, like today for example, we had a big problem at work and I cursed. You know what I'm saying. But, like, I did not feel bad about cursing. I thought it was the appropriate application of language towards the very specific situation that was happening. You know what I mean. Like, in order for me to get my message across, I needed to use curse words. Like, I didn't feel bad after that.
Eldar:Like, nor do I feel like I'm a bad person by calling things for what they are. It's, the shit is fucked and it's fucked. You know what I mean. Like, I have to call for what it is. You know so, like, sure, maybe you've known me for quite some time for a very specific way, but then you see this, which is very rare, but nonetheless, I think it's very inconsistent in who I am as a character by calling things for what they are. I like to call things for what they are and today shit was fucked, that's it. There's no way to spin this, you know so. Does that answer your question?
Phillip:Well, I mean yeah, yeah, but so I think, I don't usually like this, so in that example you described it as you're being consistent to who you are and you call things for what they are.
Eldar:Yeah, and that's what I was doing.
Phillip:Yeah, whether you call something, whether it's something that people think that's funny or not, that's other people's interpretation, but you're being consistent in how you act. If there's the other example of that other guy who's in the office, he's saying okay, I'm interpreting the rules as I have to be a certain way and he, to me in that example, is going outside of himself to have to be this thing that he's truly not, because he's not aligned with whatever is inside of him, he doesn't have his own belief system, he's not confident in himself.
Eldar:He's not authentic.
Phillip:So he's not authentic, so he has to rely on some other thing and he takes it so literal that he has to not be himself and over time he becomes so miserable and he hates himself and he probably has to go home and be a total asshole. That's right, yeah, so to keep up the image. He does it, but he's basically giving up who he truly is to get that thing.
Toliy:Yeah, no, but no, that's how I look at it. I think that there could be someone that has a genuine interest in something Like I don't think it's either someone's putting up an act and then they act a particular way in something else, like it's either an act or that I could think like I do think that you could like be genuine in certain parts of your life and then act different ways in others.
Eldar:You would have to give us a very good example, then.
Tommy:I definitely agree with him in thinking that, like in his thinking about your thinking.
Eldar:I think that the measure is again like I said. Today, I was faced with a problem and I was faced with the thing where I was like, okay, cool, am I going to be politically correct here and try to fucking smooth out and not call things for what they are? Just for being politically correct in the fucking environment that we're in, I said, no, fuck this shit. You know what I mean. This is bullshit. I'm going to call bullshit for bullshit because it's bullshit. You know what I mean and I needed to use very specific words in order to be okay with myself of who I am. You know what I'm saying. I needed to let that out and this is the way it came out. I called shit for what it was and I'm authentic with that. Somebody else who might not understand who I am right? They go oh, look at the nice guy, he's very thoughtful or whatever, and now he came out of his face like that. They might coin that as that, but the truth of the matter is I was consistent with my character and I have no guilt. No, nothing. I was sleep perfectly fine today at night. I don't give a fuck. You know what I'm saying Of what happened today. I was right. I was calling it for what it is and that's how things came out. But I could have.
Eldar:At first in my head I was like, okay, cool, how do I fucking address this situation? Do I go with the fucking thing? It was a split of a second decision. I said, fuck this shit, I had enough. It was a buildup. You know what I'm saying. I had to call for what it was and I did not feel bad when it came out the way it came out. Like I told you, I'm not going to take no damn crocodile tears either after that shit. You know what I'm saying. If a person comes to me and starts giving me the fucking soap opera, I'm like yo, what the fuck? I don't want to fucking see this shit.
Tommy:Yeah, because what you're doing is like you're showing yourself how you feel, like in a way, about the situation.
Eldar:Yeah, I'm not fucking happy.
Tommy:And you know that you're in a way of deterring yourself if you don't see it through about how you're angry about it.
Eldar:Yeah, 100%. I was fucking pissed bro. I had to go outside. You know what?
Tommy:I'm saying that's a good point because we can enter situations where we dislike how we feel, but in our thoughts we say we've got to keep taking this from ourselves.
Eldar:Yeah, no, at the end of the day, the way I came across is the way I came across because I almost feel like I was being bullied. Bro, I stood up for myself because somebody was telling me very specific things, right to kind of prove me wrong or something, and I was like what, wait? What? No, I don't want these fucking excuses. It's wrong. You're lying to me, you know, and that was the case. I was right, you know, and somebody was trying to fucking sugarcoat it or keep it casual, whatever it was.
Eldar:You know what I mean. I'm not taking that because that's not what it is. I don't want you to put fucking noodles on my head about the situation. You know what I mean. Shit is fucked and you need to see it for what it is. It's fucked. You know what I mean. I don't want to hear it. You may be okay with this kind of shit, right, you may be okay with this. You might be okay with putting up a knife. I'm not. It doesn't sit well with me. That's why I have such a fucking reaction. Interesting, yeah. You know what I'm saying.
Tommy:There's definitely something to be taken away from this, so yeah, I could have hit, totally I could have hit. Because there are people, and I think specifically those kinds of people who don't see things for what they are.
Eldar:And they don't call it, and they don't act properly.
Tommy:And they just want to keep pushing the energy around and being the center of things. Listen, I am guilty of the same thing.
Eldar:Sometimes I bite my fucking lips, my mouth, and I don't say it for what it is and internally I fucking feel the cognitive dissonance. What's the cognitive dissonance? You know what's right, you know what's better. You should have spoken out, you should have said this, but you're not and I'm fucking eating dirt internally. You know what I mean.
Tommy:This is happening to me.
Eldar:I'm being inauthentic to myself.
Tommy:Yeah, but 50-50 people just kind of keep swimming in it and like keep swimming back.
Eldar:This is what I'm doing in that moment.
Phillip:I'm doing the 50-50 bullshit yeah, but okay, so you just described that moment when you do bite your tongue and not being genuine. Yes Against what your truth is.
Eldar:Yes, I should suffer cognitive dissonance and it's pain.
Phillip:Yeah, I can't imagine an example where that person is the 50-50 example where they're actually being genuine. Yeah, me neither. I don't know what the example would be, me neither.
Eldar:Because if you know, you know, if you don't, you don't.
Phillip:Yeah, you have to be 100% blind, and then do something where it's like, oh wow, they saw the light for the first time and they came out of their shell. Yeah, yeah.
Tommy:We could you explain that again?
Eldar:We can only trick ourselves. I think in that 50-50 moment for just so long, sooner or later it's going to come to us Like what am I doing here?
Tommy:Yeah, that's classic e-reasoning for sure. Thank you, I don't know. But I find that pretty interesting, though, that you might not have everything going for you as a person. You know you're like you're not a complete person in the way that you continue to function day to day, you know, maybe living your life, you know, week in, week out, being a total psychopath on the basketball court, I don't know, or what you know, and then putting on fronts like you're a star in the other part of your life.
Eldar:I told you you can keep up with that little balance for just so long. Sooner or later, one bleeds into the other. You know what I mean. They do. There's no other way around it, yeah, but who knows where and how and whatever.
Tommy:You can keep putting up an act.
Eldar:Sooner or later, somebody's going to say like yeah, this is an act, you know what?
Tommy:I mean, okay, yeah, and why go through life suffering through ups and downs when you can instead deal with ups and downs as a happier person? You know?
Eldar:The thing is you have to raise enough awareness to understand that there are ups and downs in the first place, and where they come from and their origins and stuff like that. This is the difficult part.
Tommy:I think a 50-50 person. They do know that there's a down for sure and that in their down they probably think it's normal. But their down is probably a little bit more secluded.
Eldar:Justified. Yeah, a little bit more justified.
Tommy:Just a little bit more justified, yeah, when, in fact, when you feel like you're not really sure where you're on like what's called like terror incognito, like you're not in unfamiliar territory, that's kind of like a good thing in a way, because you know, you kind of I don't know, maybe not. You need that moment to like examine yourself. You know what I mean. Sure, I think so.
Tommy:I think I felt that more often than I usually do in recent time. You know, like I'm not really sure about things. I'm just kind of like I don't know, not dwelling, not really even thinking, just kind of you know, like not sure what I feel, questioning myself and stuff. To me that's a sign that I take it as a sign that I'm doing things right. But this is new to me in a way. I think it's new to me because I'm really trying to be focused on creative things, yeah, and to see where those possibilities might lead if I actually follow this path and I take it seriously enough for it to be an emerging and a growing part of my life and I try to care for it. I try to care for this possibility.
Eldar:You know where you tell me, you just can't hack it, though man there's this crazy.
Tommy:You can't hack it, tom. There's this unbelievable scene in Ray Donovan where one of the brothers he's like emotionally troubled, and he's troubled because he experienced something traumatic in his life. Right, I'm not going to go into it, but he wins a case, he wins a lawsuit that gives him plenty of money and he buys a house with that money, which is a total change of life. You know, we have a house and during one night, when he's drunk, he sets fire to the house because he's so Accident on purpose, on purpose, okay, on purpose, because he's so unhappy.
Tommy:He's just so, you know, like he's feeling something. You can see it and he's like man, everything is fucked. He burns this house down and his brother's like a tough guy. Right, it's all a story. His brother's a tough guy and he goes back to the person who sold the house and he says give me the money back. He twists his arm basically Give me the money back for the house. He gets him to give the money back and he fixes things for his brother. But, like, that moment is something I feel like we can all relate to, when we all just want to like, when you can take something and you can make a total mess of it, you know you can totally burn it down and you can embrace that.
Eldar:I think, on the one hand, Well, no, I think that those moments where you could set the disparity of having a house versus not having a house, a big moment like that in your life where it completely changes maybe you or your lifestyle, but it really doesn't Right right On the hindsight, it's actually just highlighting who you really are. Actually Correct? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, so I included that as my bit yeah.
Tommy:Here's a total positive change of life, which I would see as a positive change of life for me, but I'm saying it to demonstrate, like, what you can essentially do to lose in life, to really catch a loss that can easily not I wouldn't say easily, but can be prevented and can be.
Tommy:You know what I mean. It's one thing to spend all that money on a house you know like to. If you win the lotto and you buy a house that's in which you spend 80% of your money, and then suddenly the taxes add up, year after year and suddenly, like you spend money on dinners and cars and gifting people, and before you know it, you're in this terrible situation almost in an instant. You feel like a moment ago you were rich, you're going to be happy, and now you're broke, and this is terrible. And so, in a way, the money can be used as a model for how we live our lives, because we have a certain sum of good and we can I don't know, I guess choose to do with that good something that leads to more good, or we can easily botch it, we can fuck things up by being a 50-50 person, or you know, I don't know, maybe that's yeah, I think you're right.
Eldar:I think you're right. You will go in the right direction, I think.
Phillip:I think it's easy to see the downfall of the people that you're talking about because we're talking about the little things, right. If you were actually to analyze that person, like before they got the house or the person before the lotto, right, all the little things that they do on a day-to-day basis that makes up their character, that makes up their routine and what they do. These people are probably not doing what that money that they get. It's not directly reflective. So they have to become this new type of person in such a small amount of time where they're overspending and doing all these weird wacky things that aren't in line with somebody who actually slowly started to accumulate this over time from a genuine place and basically settled into that. When you get this, I think there's so many studies of people who won the lotto and they go broke because they didn't deserve this money. The identity doesn't match the identity does not match the person that they have.
Eldar:No, yeah, the person with a lot of money usually this is an anomaly, people that usually accumulate large amounts of money. They keep that money because they know how they accumulate it. They can keep doing it Right and then, when they just overnight became a millionaire, this person doesn't understand anything about money, anything about finances.
Toliy:So they don't have that. That's also, I think, maybe partially related when they ask when you have all those cases of, let's say, athletes going broke or making bad decisions, they could go from one year just being like these are uneducated people that know how to do one very specific skill and they receive a lot of money for throwing a basketball into a metal ring. You could go from nothing to $50 million a year, and it's just like.
Eldar:You're done. How many of those cases we have where they say they retire at 35, 40. When you retire at 35, 40, retire right, you have a whole life ahead of you. But if your lifestyle has been about private jets, lamborghinis and all this other crap, like you just said, you bought a house, you've given everybody gifts and all this other shit. Next thing you know you're like wait a second, say your money's not coming in anymore, and now like shit's all fucked. It catches up to you. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
Eldar:That's a perfectly normal, justified phenomenon.
Toliy:Yeah, one example. I wanted to look up the exact thing. Do you guys remember Antoine Walker? Yeah, antoine Walker. Yeah, of course he. From just career salary alone, he accrued more than $100 million in earnings in two years after retiring from the NBA, he was forced to declare bankruptcy. Yeah, mike.
Eldar:Tyson. Look up Mike Tyson.
Toliy:Yeah, no, I know Same like thing you know there's a lot of cases like that $100 million from just salary alone, not endorsements, yeah. And then, two years after you're done, you go bankrupt.
Eldar:If you're not educated? Yeah, of course.
Phillip:Yeah, I think what you were saying too is if you're in those circles, there's like an image that you have to uphold.
Eldar:If you allow yourself to go down that route, well, no, it's not that you allow, it's almost like you must put on you too, like you have to be very smart in order to withhold and withdraw from some of that stuff, because you know like most of the time you go with the flow Like it's. You know it's peer pressure.
Phillip:Yeah, it's just peer pressure. That person is the one that's going to be more prone to go broke because you're the farthest away from yourself. Yeah, yeah. And he's saying like, okay, he has that watch, he has this thing and he has that. And like, because I'm in this circle, like I have to have this.
Eldar:I gotta keep up.
Phillip:This isn't this. I have to keep up.
Eldar:Yeah, I mean LeVon James maybe makes you know $100 billion a year he goes out. He could throw 20 grand Right, but if you're making $5 million a year, you can't probably do the same.
Phillip:Imagine his teammate that's trying to maybe look at him and try to keep up with him and doesn't have a realistic expectation where he's at.
Eldar:He should be saying, hey, like I can't spend that much money on the strip cover or whatever.
Phillip:Yeah, and he might not be able to do that. Oh, you can't say that.
Toliy:You're a macho, right? Yeah, I think it's also like what you're spending like a lot on right, like if you're going broke, you're probably not like saying that like, oh, like I went broke because, like I had a private chef to cook me like, let's say, healthy meals or something right, like the people who mismanage your money. They're doing it on probably like a.
Tommy:It's almost like they're looking for ways to continue to feed these habits through seeking more, through the greed or money, or something.
Eldar:The more unauthentic they are, the more they probably have to spend in order to keep up with a very specific image that they keep an upward.
Tommy:To me it's like a person not in balance. They don't have themselves completely aligned, and then these kinds of behaviors to start to take over. Yeah, whether like.
Eldar:So we started with the small things and now we're hitting the big things. What are we saying, are we?
Toliy:saying anything. What are you saying, philip, over there?
Tommy:I didn't come over there. Well, definitely, I think with cognitive dissonance, there's like a there's maybe some self-esteem involved, you know where. Like you feel like you tripped up a bit and you're hurt. So, like, what do you do when you like, when you feel a certain way? You know your emotions are going crazy because you're not in line with yourself and that's I don't know. Maybe that's some worth looking at. Somehow, I don't know, it's for me it's like yeah, actually, t you brought up the idea that there's like a public self that you've put out. You know, like the you, that you, the way that you feel that you put out to other people, is that right? And maybe the way that you feel that you put yourself, that you know yourself.
Toliy:Well, no, no, no, it's not even that. It's just there's all different things that you like, or, for example, I like Constitute, like your day, or like your week, and you could be different people within all of those different things.
Tommy:Oh, I see. Yeah, I don't think so. If you're in line, you should allow yourself, I think, the freedom to make things the greatest that you can make them, like you know, almost.
Eldar:Well, you're going to try to be as consistent as possible to be you know good, they see that's the thing.
Tommy:There's a danger in that. But Be consistent as possible and you know, let's say across whatever it is.
Eldar:And it shouldn't be like, it shouldn't take an effort, it shouldn't be like okay, like I really got to think about this, it has to be almost automatic, I think you feel different and you won't feel in line with yourself, aligned at all If you are, when you are not consistent about that thing that you like doing because you like doing it right, but like I fall into.
Tommy:definitely I fall into like, okay, I like to do this and this, and now I'm like productive and so like if I could just do this, this and this and this and this, then I'll be doing great. You check on boxes in your head, just yeah, almost, but it doesn't. For me it's not like that. It's roughly like I know what my practice is to keep myself in line, you know, aligned with myself. You know that'll be like a little exercise, a little morning meditation.
Eldar:So are you proud of the most that you've built? The most unauthentic person ever In yourself?
Tommy:Well, why would you ask me that?
Phillip:Because if there's effort, if there's so much effort, then you're doing it for the wrong reason.
Tommy:Yeah Well, I haven't been able to exercise for the last three days. Guys, you're checking boxes, tom. No, I'm not, I'm not. I'm sitting here, I'm enjoying it. I've been here all day.
Toliy:Yeah, but you like to look like when you go to a Starbucks. But I could have done exercise right, had I?
Tommy:I don't know, maybe woken up a little earlier.
Eldar:So maybe that's the lesson I can take away from this. I'm only extracting what I'm extracting based on the information you presented me.
Tommy:What are we saying?
Tommy:here, Listen up. I'm just saying, look, there are a few things that I enjoy. Right, I like to walk in the park. I like I haven't exercised in a while, but I like to exercise. You know and I don't feel so good about that that I've been a little on the heavier side or haven't. I haven't had the energy in the morning to like do any push-ups. There are things I can fix. That I understand I can fix, and I haven't done that yet. So it's on me. But, tom, what if I'm not being consistent? I know it. If I'm not being consistent, and for me, I don't know, it helps me to to to wake up, do a little like writing, do a little meditation on my life.
Eldar:You constantly revising that story for yourself.
Tommy:If I don't do this, I'm not.
Toliy:Tom. What's better, though, Tom?
Tommy:I know it and I very rarely skip it, Tom what.
Toliy:What's better, though? To be a box checker and not know it, or be a box checker and know it?
Tommy:Absolutely dude. Wait, I mean with with this idea of box checking um.
Toliy:I think which one is better I?
Tommy:think I think what that has to do is really, what are other pin other people's opinions of me.
Phillip:That's not what I'm asking you no, but that's the thing.
Tommy:For me. I'm aware that box checking is essentially, essentially, what are other people?
Eldar:going to think about your freedom, what you find like liberty for yourself.
Tommy:What? No, no, I, I. I worry about what other people will think about me. That's the only reason.
Toliy:So you are a box checker.
Tommy:I don't worry what other people think about me. I don't, I don't. I'm sorry to tell you that I don't, I don't, I don't give a fuck.
Toliy:So why do you wear a suit to Starbucks?
Tommy:So good question, Tom why do I wear a suit to Starbucks? What are you talking about? But, but, but look, I, I'm actually being very, I think, um, you know, I think I'm being very transparent about this, this whole box checking thing.
Eldar:Um, but it's in your head, it's like it's your Bible. You're saying that, like you know, it makes you feel bad if you have an accomplished story that you've created for yourself.
Tommy:I think, if I, if I check like three things, like I go out and I am, I'm, I'm worshiped.
Eldar:Yeah.
Tommy:She, you know, and there's no, there's no ends. If like, there's no, um, there's no challenge to it, I, I, but that never works, that thing is it might it might trick you for a little while that you, like, you're performing your very best and you're hitting all the targets every day and that, like certain people, have to now come and answer to you. Um why, do you?
Phillip:know why do you?
Tommy:have the freedom to do what you want to do and enjoy your life.
Toliy:Why are you knowing it never works?
Tommy:It's out of. It runs out of gas, you know, and that that's just never worked.
Eldar:Can you explain your get up to totally? Why are you constantly wear a formal tire?
Toliy:Everybody, I mean I. I would say that like us, us like, say me, elder and Mike, yeah, I'm trying to speak for us. You tell me if you, it's a great. We definitely have a perception that, like, tom dresses up in general for like lots of things that don't require it, correct?
Eldar:Yeah, so like totally doesn't never dress up. We know him as that, yeah.
Tommy:Well, guys, I mean, like, why do you do that? Here's the thing I, I for the last, possibly more comfortable in a tight button alternating two pairs of pants and I haven't watched them for the last couple of months, if I'm talking about two months. I've been alternating two types of pants, just two, two different pants and, and, like I don't know, maybe a handful of different tops, and you guys see me wearing the same shoes all the time, I think, tom, can you answer the question?
Eldar:He did. He's trying to say that you, you're wrong about that. He doesn't do the same thing.
Phillip:The more interesting question is if he doesn't check the boxes what is he? What is he prone to do? Like is he going to like trip an elderly woman, like in public? Like, if he doesn't check the boxes, like where? Like where can he go? Like what type of level of anger can build up? And like what is he capable of? Because they have to be serving a purpose? Checking the boxes right 100%.
Eldar:So there's a reason why he makes them.
Phillip:So I'm saying the interesting question is, if he doesn't check the boxes, like, where can he go? Like who can he become? Oh, like can he become like a evil villain.
Eldar:You saying that that's his way of kind of like pacifying himself.
Phillip:Yeah, like if he, let's say, in this example, if he's a 50-50 guy right and he's using those as some sort of like almost like stopper to prevent him from being this bad thing, or like doing exactly what he's saying. That's what I'm getting from.
Eldar:If I don't, if I don't hit them, he feels a certain type of way.
Phillip:Right, he feels bad about that, but it's attached to how other people's perception of his. So it's this constant cycle of like I don't know how I feel about myself, I'm going to let other people decide. For me, absolutely, it's all about virtue In these examples, I'm never, ever figuring out where I'm really coming from. Yeah. So again, this is a perfect example of somebody who's actually never being genuine at all. So the 50-50 guy in this example cannot ever come from a genuine place. 100%.
Eldar:Yeah, this is correct. This is a correct assessment Time. You're fucked.
Tommy:No, I mean here's the thing I don't want to attach myself so much to what others' opinions are, and that's actually forced to change in my behavior.
Eldar:I cannot continue to behave in that particular way In the circle of your friends. Maybe you should actually do the opposite. You should care about and be virtual.
Tommy:No care about their opinions, because, and you weigh out with- your friends.
Eldar:It's different.
Tommy:I'm sorry. Yes, but yeah, but you don't have that with your friends?
Toliy:Correct? Yes, you're right.
Tommy:But T if you want an answer to that question about the outfits. I'm an artistic person, I'm a creative person, I see in colors and I see in all kinds of things. What does that mean?
Toliy:that you're a creative person. I'm a creative person.
Eldar:No, you're not, because you dress this way.
Phillip:You can see colors.
Eldar:Yeah, you're not a creative person because you're dressed that way.
Toliy:What do you mean? Anybody can just say that they're a creative person.
Eldar:No, I know that but you actually dress a very specific way, so you're definitely not a creative person. Yes, Tom or no, I'll put it in this way Do you think Tom thinks that you're creative?
Toliy:or not. No, okay, I think you have to say the least. Creative people have to try to say the most creative things. So just really see the point in your apologies of that.
Eldar:And they have to use the get up as well, at least 100%.
Toliy:That's why Tom dressed up all the time. Every time we've seen him, he was dressed like he's a CEO or something.
Eldar:Yeah Well, tom, the trick maybe, is working for the public, but not, it's not working for us.
Tommy:I mean, look, it's a subconscious thing. I do have an appreciation in a way for fashion, and that's it, but there's nothing, much more to it.
Toliy:And how can you say that? And then you say that you wear the same shoes every day and you don't wash your clothing, I do. But it's not repulsive, is it so? What appreciation for fashion. Do you have?
Phillip:I don't think fashion and hygiene are connected. Though he can have, in this example, he can just appreciate a nice sweater and jeans, but he just doesn't have multiple pairs of them. So he's like kind of like Doug Fonio most he has like the same two, three outfits that he just wears maybe, but he does appreciate them for the fashion. I don't see that in the hygiene being connected.
Eldar:Okay, that's fair. So what are we saying, guys? Small things make big impacts, or big things are actually small things?
Phillip:Yeah, If you're a piece of shit, you're a piece of shit Like there's no way around it. I don't think there's a 50-50 piece of shit guy. That exists. That exists. Are you a piece of shit, though? Am I a piece of shit Overall, like if I had to pick a gooder piece of shit.
Eldar:What's the percentage break? 51%.
Phillip:No, I definitely was. Definitely I was probably closer to like 90, like my peak I would say I'm probably closer to. If there was a 50-50 person it would be, but in my example I would definitely be a piece of shit because it's not 100% good.
Eldar:Okay, so you recognize that. Yeah, all right, that's fair yeah.
Phillip:I think, as you're figuring it out, I don't think you can be 100% good.
Eldar:But last week we talked about that you're going to be figuring out forever. So would we just by default, in order to humble ourselves? Call ourselves always a piece of shit.
Phillip:Yeah, I don't think anybody in this example can be truly good then, yeah, so that's an example of infinity of knowledge. Yeah, yeah, if you're ever growing and you're dedicated for the rest of your life to knowing that you're always transforming and growing, developing one way or the other, I don't think anybody can say that they're 100% good.
Eldar:Yeah, I think that's why, again, we're going back to Socrates and why he said what he said, you know. What. That I know that I know nothing. To avoid this very specific thing, he almost called himself a piece of shit, in a way right to say, hey, I'm not perfect and I don't know nothing you know. In order to avoid the pride and ego that comes with knowing something or at least making a claim to do so.
Phillip:Well, the claim is the label, and the label of yourself, of making it a thing, and I think that's coming from a place of knowing and saying that I know better than you or you know better than me. You're taking almost the job of like the creator and saying like, yeah, I am saying setting all the rules and like I'm the one that's going to dictate, like I know what's good and what's bad, like we're having ideas of what it is and we can agree or disagree. But I think coming from that place of saying I don't truly know is probably the most accurate way to live a better life.
Eldar:Yeah, yeah, and life has so many, almost infinite amount of moments where you can practice these different things that it's never ending, almost, yeah, and that's another ending. Pull for opportunity to try to do better or try to be yourself, or try to be authentic and not have cognitive dissonance that we're talking about. So, so where do we start? Where does someone go to say, okay, cool, like I've identified and realized that I'm an actor and X, y and Z of scenarios of my life, how can I break through those, from those and liberate myself from being an actor?
Toliy:Examine it.
Eldar:You have to examine it, you have to go to acting school.
Phillip:Yeah. I think, I think you have to genuinely, I think you have to properly identify it, and if you can't do that yourself, you have to ask for help from somebody else, yeah, yeah, examine it or be stuck.
Eldar:Or be stuck long enough for it to cause enough pain. Right For awareness, damn. All the answers always lead to the same place Get humbled or get fucked Right. Yeah, oh no. Get humbled or get fucked Right.
Phillip:That's it. That's the equation. Well, yeah, I think. I think, in that example, though, that person that has enough pain. Do you think that the pain automatically gives that person the ability to perceive what is right and wrong, and like what the proper steps are?
Eldar:No.
Tommy:I don't think so. I don't think so.
Phillip:So like I think that that person can experience enough pain where they might be able to ask for help or just kind of give up, yeah, one day, one day, and just say like fuck, I'm done.
Eldar:Yeah. I think that just because you surrender, surrender, but surrender inherently carries a humility aspect. No.
Phillip:Yeah, I think that can attach to the character, but I don't think that gets them out of the mud, though.
Eldar:I agree it doesn't. Yeah, no, because work is work. Yeah, you can't just say okay, I'm gonna have a moment of clarity and humble myself in the moment and apologize. You still have to live out the inconsistencies in your belief system.
Phillip:Yeah, like that person that we're describing is somebody who's at the seed of transformation, but in order to get it to work, like you have to then dedicate time and that action put into work day to day. Yeah, and like, like Reconditioning, yeah, reconditioning, be around. Certain people talk a certain way, change the way you're doing everything, almost.
Eldar:That's what Toli said earlier. Yeah, and if not, then you probably are that 50-50 person.
Toliy:What are we saying? Change the way you do everything.
Phillip:Change the way you do everything. Yeah, change the way you do everything.
Eldar:Yeah, but that's a hard task, it's not an easy task.
Toliy:Okay, I'm gonna leave. Philip just said that.
Phillip:I'm an easy guy. Yeah.
Eldar:So Toli did it help or what? No, it definitely helped. So what are you extracting, like, what are you gonna do now? Well, what are you gonna do?
Toliy:Yeah. So I mean, I would like to examine as many of all, like as many of the little things I can, one by one, Really, yeah, and I'd like to take a stance on them.
Eldar:You like to take a stance on them? Okay, wow, are you excited? Yeah, I'm excited, you're really excited. Yeah, wow, why Is it? Because you see the light.
Toliy:I don't necessarily see the light. I do have a. What are you excited about? So I don't necessarily see the light, but I have saw light before and I know that it exists and I'm excited because I can finally feel the magnitude of those things and not be arrogant towards them.
Phillip:Okay, Were you smoking your pen or are you? No, I was not.
Eldar:I think it was eating ribs. Yeah, yeah, I was eating ribs.
Toliy:Yeah, it's definitely food related. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that I can. Yeah, yeah, I'm excited about them because I finally don't feel like that arrogant, um hatred, if you want to say it towards those things, and I think that I can go one by one about them and then I think I can get excited about how they'll make me feel.
Eldar:What click, though what switched. Why did you now, all of a sudden, don't have that same arrogance towards them? Well, because I felt.
Toliy:I felt this morning. I felt the magnitude of what they all mean in.
Eldar:How did you feel this? Can you walk us through that moment? You think it'll give us any credit, or no? I don't know we'll see we're kind of nudging them in the right direction. Well listen, you've been giving some good examples. You were like taking care of them with the apples, and you did the thing.
Toliy:Oh yeah.
Eldar:These are very small things that can provide a lot of value. Oh yeah, you maybe understand them and within that moment, that's where you did them. But yeah, he had his own moment.
Toliy:Yeah, I mean, what's the click?
Eldar:I mean, what's the click Like? Walk us through that moment of clarity. We're like, oh shit, Now I get it.
Tommy:What this?
Eldar:Yeah, I feel like I think because if you unlock this, you don't understand the magnitude it can have on the world.
Toliy:Yeah, I just feel that, like On human side, I felt that, like I feel in general that I feel like I have a lot to offer, but I feel like it's like a angle with all of these things that are kind of blocking them in a way.
Phillip:But that's what it is what got you to think or see the light.
Toliy:Well, yeah, I mean, the only thing that I can think of is the.
Tommy:So what he's saying is he's spirited.
Eldar:Well, I don't know. He's trying to explain it. He's trying to bring it into words, to explain to us which moment actually brought this clarity thing to finally Right, right yeah.
Eldar:Look, no, no, no, look, Tom, there was a big thing that he used. He said look guys, there's small things in my life that I kind of just disregarded and say you know what, I'm too big for this, like I don't need this, they're not important, I'm not extracting, there's no meaning there. And today he's reversed this and said yo, I realize that they actually hold great importance, they're huge, and he's no longer going to be arrogant towards those things or dismissive as he was before. This is a huge thing. What happened and where did the moment of clarity come from? This question is not to you, by the way, tom, okay, but if you have the ability to tune in and to him and answer this shit, I'm okay with it too.
Toliy:Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
Phillip:It's hard to what's up. Phil, do you think Tom can channel like totally like inner being and like extract it out of him, yeah, almost like a spirit 100%.
Eldar:It's going to be very hard for us to understand, though, the choice of words that Tom's going to have, but the key is there.
Phillip:It's going to take us a lifetime or two to understand it, though He'll say it and eventually, like two years of podcast later, it's going to click for us.
Eldar:I was saying two lifetimes but two podcasts is optimistic.
Tommy:It would be something like you can't spank a goat with a straw. Exactly yes.
Eldar:While blowing bubbles in Greece Penguin.
Toliy:Yeah, I don't know, it's hard to point towards a click Again. It's just how can you have such a big monumental?
Eldar:change between an outlook.
Toliy:Well, the feeling of the magnitude that those small things hold collectively.
Eldar:Was it a deduction, or was it observation? Or was it a feeling, or was it a combination?
Phillip:There's some things that build up over time and you do have a breakthrough where it is emotional or it's kind of like an aha moment. The aha is logical don't know.
Eldar:Aha is logical.
Phillip:Yeah, okay, so the aha would be like you guys put discipline on my radar. So I was like, oh, and then I can always go back to that moment of that first podcast where I was in Paramus and we were like I can always say, oh, that was the first time that somebody talked to me about discipline a certain way. But then I have to backtrack in order to make it make sense and understand my definition of discipline, what it was, and then all the things that led to With my attachment to discipline, all where it led me to that point and then from that point on, I've been a lot more open to hearing about other alternative ways of coming from more of a place of love and enjoying what you're doing and not having to be so routine and disciplined. But I can pinpoint where it happened and I can go backwards and understand what was wrong. But I think that feeling was, it was a definition and it was how you guys spoke about it, and I can relate the, I guess, the aha moment and examples to what you guys said.
Phillip:So mine is what I heard and it was the opposite of the belief system, of what I had, and it broke my belief system. So I think in this, I think in order, but nonetheless you had to do it, yeah. Yeah, your mind had to put it together. I had to do it. But it's either I don't know, like I guess you probably can too. But I'm even thinking of other examples where I was like I heard other people speak, where they're watching a YouTube video or hearing an audio book or hearing somebody else speak, just like it's usually hearing it from somebody else in a different perspective. I'm usually not self-generating this, because if I had the belief system of discipline, how would that come from inside of me if I'm Already have one established, if I'm already believing that the other thing is serving me.
Phillip:So I'm saying in this example, totally might have maybe heard something or might something have sparked it in order to do it, so you get to do it okay, I think it's very hard for him to. If you're asking him what did he do? I don't think that he specifically did anything. He might have been open to hear something that sparked it for him.
Eldar:Okay, confirm or not? Confirm totally. I don't know, you don't know okay. Yeah, but nonetheless it happened right, so that's good. Yeah.
Eldar:Okay, I'm fascinated by the fact that there's small moments, very small ones, very small things that we can get very fascinating about. You know, like through language, through interaction, you know through listening, through speaking and stuff like that, that carries such a punch and so much energy in it that it can really fill a lot of people's minds, hearts, whatever. You know in a good way, you know what I mean. So, like that's good that you be recognizing that you know what I'm saying and through those small little moments, I think through accumulation, I think you can really rewire yourself almost.
Eldar:Yeah, yeah, I just feel that, if you want to, yeah.
Toliy:And in approaching those moments like I guess what I'm speculating now at least, are thinking about them when I'm trying to take a stance on those things and then, like, put them into play, I can't battle myself, like in those things. Why not Well? I feel like if I go into it with trying to battle myself in those things, I'm going to be the 50-50 person.
Eldar:Okay, well, you know, see what he's saying. Phil, yeah, yeah, yeah, is he talking about now belief?
Phillip:You're talking about belief Like or blind trust.
Phillip:Well, yeah, if you're saying that you think that you can't fight yourself, then it's that person that's wrong, or coming from that place that's not correct. So engaging with that person at all is incorrect. The point of like a strategy would be to then access somebody else or get outside of yourself so you can move as far away from that person that you've become, and I think the rewiring happens there. I think it's going to be very hard if it's trying to be that same person and then also say the same, say different things. That other person's going to always have a 50-50 shock.
Eldar:She's asking for someone else to tell them what to do.
Phillip:The outside of himself, outside of himself.
Eldar:Yeah, I think then they're, and trust that as to be the pillar for first for him, until that other side gets kind of boxed out.
Phillip:I think that's probably the only remedy for somebody who doesn't know how to do it. Wow, that's very interesting.
Eldar:I think that's what Mike was going through.
Phillip:So you have to be somebody who understands that you have to be in a vulnerable position. You should be around people that you trust and you find that are good. The downside of that is that you can get taken advantage of very, very easily. Yeah, because you have to sort of blind trust. You can maybe know somebody's character. He knows us right, like he's going to trust you guys right, but also, at the same token, you're putting this thing. You got so far deep into whatever that thing is that you have to rely on somebody else to get you out of it.
Eldar:So would this be the perfect time for him to finally wear that pig suit that you always want him to wear to work? Yes, and like walk on all his floors from desk to desk.
Phillip:I'd say that he would have the pig suit, mike would have the cow suit, and then I would be the farmer. With the hay With the hay.
Tommy:Did I be the honeybeader? Yeah, the honeybeader, yes.
Eldar:Of course, of course, yeah, that is a very interesting thing, yeah.
Tommy:Look, I don't know if you guys remember this, but back in the day, mike, he would come to the gym and he'd be on his phone, you know, he would chill on the mats where you go and stretch and he would like lie on his back on like a rolly thing and he would be texting away. And I think about how, if you're trying to serve yourself in one way for a purpose, how something like a certain distraction like that might take away from that purpose. Oh, it is For sure.
Eldar:It's a very simple thing People do this all the time, for sure, on their phones, or for me, for sure. Actually, that's why he's talking about that thing where he can't trust himself. Did I give you my example?
Tommy:before. Did I ever tell you this? How, like I don't know, I was taking walks for a while around my neighborhood. Yeah, I was walking around the park and I got to this idea of like okay, I'm going to take this. I got to the idea that I was going to take walks for my own health and like for my own, you know, to reset, you know just to kind of be in plain air and to kind of like breathe the air and just kind of feel good, you know. But what I started doing was taking coffee with me, and coffee is like a ritual and a thing that brings me pleasure on its own. You know, like where I like to usually have, you know, coffee and sit and coffee and read, or coffee with my friends. But I went out and I asked myself, like wait a second, am I going out for, like the for mental clarity, and am I going out for the exercise?
Eldar:or you know, for the health you call yourself.
Tommy:Or am I? Am I doubling down, trying to get more out of it? That's right. And this thing really got to me, you know, it was actually really interesting. It's like am I taking a walk or am I taking a walk with a coffee? Yes, they're two different things. Yeah, Do you see?
Phillip:what I'm saying. So I had this also when I couldn't with the cough with my mouth. I got the surgery and I was like, okay, I can't have the coffee. And I noticed that I wasn't as excited to go to New York. Wow, because the coffee was a thing, because I realized that it was like every time that I went, when I would start with the coffee and that would start the whole thing and I would just be like it's a ritual, I would be buzzing around, it was part of the ritual.
Eldar:Yeah.
Phillip:Then you look at it it's caffeine and it is a drug, and you're looking at the addictive properties of it also. So you're starting to think about that. But what I noticed was when I started to walk around, the couple of weeks that I did it, I noticed that I was more plugged in and I was more adventurous in taking new routes and doing new things. Oh, that's good, because I wasn't so caught up in the coffee and the coffee was.
Eldar:But why are you to a very specific thing?
Phillip:Yeah, I was just like I know, if I do this, I'm doing this, and it didn't really matter what I did, it just mattered that I would just kind of walk it off here. I was more curious and I'm in the city now and I was like, wow, if I don't have the attachment of the coffee, then I'm actually here right now and I'm more open to do things.
Eldar:Okay, so which one did you like more Well?
Phillip:from a feeling perspective, the coffee is unmatched. It's like a crazy hot. The other one was more of. I'd say it was more relaxed and like a peaceful approach and I would say it's.
Eldar:Depends on what you're 50-50 guy you're talking to.
Phillip:Yeah, it's very, very difficult to just dismiss the other one and say it's not a good feeling. I think it's very easy to go on that path because you're shutting your brain off and you don't have to think. And I think for what I use walking for. I think sometimes that's good, but I don't know if you can genuinely say that the coffee is not a big part of the walking, of me truly enjoying it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eldar:Okay.
Toliy:Yeah, that's honest. Does the dark side give you what you want and the light side give you what you need? Here's a takeaway.
Eldar:Probably An interesting takeaway, I think is that you have to marry the two.
Tommy:It's okay to have coffee and walk because you're not breaking any laws, you're not getting that. The world is not going to come apart.
Eldar:Even if you break your breaking a law, you can still do it.
Tommy:True, but the point is is that, are you are? Do you like to do what you do?
Eldar:That's why I asked him yeah, I asked him which one does he prefer, which one does he like? And he has a take on both of them. You know, maybe he'll sprinkle it in where one day he drinks coffee with it. Sometimes he doesn't.
Tommy:But that's up to him. I think it's absolutely the right thing to do is not to be uncomfortable with, you know, with doing a couple of things that can be healthy for you and it doesn't. If you can do them together, you can take a walk and have a coffee, but I mean, that's, it's just such an interesting subtlety.
Phillip:You think you can be gay and straight at the same time.
Tommy:There's a purpose to what you do, and if you are not meeting with the purpose of your initial goal, you know, then like, then the feeling that you get is in fact, like a certain like, you know, it's like being out of alignment with yourself. It doesn't mean with your original vision of what you were, what you intended to do.
Phillip:What about somebody who's bisexual? Mm? Hmm, like they have. They're basically saying they like, they like men and they like women. So, like in my example, like 50% of the time, I like the caffeine feeling, I like the coffee, or then I like, I like it not. Is there like a? Is there like a definitive truth on that, or can you genuinely find interest in both and like like both?
Eldar:At the end of the day, I think the ritual becomes a habit, and whatever becomes the habit wins over who you are.
Phillip:So what's rooted in truth in these examples? And these just like pleasures, these like fetishes and pleasures.
Eldar:In this specific is. I'm probably yeah, it's probably pleasure based, based on the way you describe it, but then you have to examine the actual ritual. What exactly do you do and what you think through the process, right Like what's your thought patterns and like what's your levels of happiness.
Tommy:I like what he asked about it being pleasures, because there are like simple pleasures in life and then there are other pleasures that like go above and beyond. Yeah, there's like extreme.
Phillip:There's like extreme sexual pleasures and then there's like me just like, uh, walking in the city and saying, okay, I'm getting exercise, I'm shutting my brain off, it's like a little escape, right. But that's like all right if you think it's the next level and you're like, hey, you know I'm married, but like maybe I want to go to a gay night club or something Like what level you like that's at?
Tommy:that point where the cost is like is greater than than the good that you gain.
Toliy:Game from. It.
Tommy:But here being around friends, or like listening to music or I don't know is this why you're wearing bell bottoms today, playing games or what else? Come on, what are some other pleasures, like simple pleasures, you know, yeah, hopscotch sugar Sure.
Toliy:Yeah, I feel like what you're describing, probably, phillip, like I'm like the dude, two different like the caffeine thing or something, it's probably. There's probably confusion there more. Yeah, you aren't sure yet.
Phillip:Aren't sure like which one's serving me properly.
Toliy:Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's probably currently benefits and negatives to both, and you're unaware of them, of them.
Eldar:Yeah, yeah, exactly. And as you grow, as you develop, you're going to take a side. Yeah, it's going to be interesting to see how that kind of progresses and where you're going to lean towards Take a side.
Phillip:So when we hit our next goal, we'll go to a nightclub. A nightclub.
Eldar:Yeah, you want to experience that, okay.
Phillip:Listen, I want to see how extreme it can go. Exclusive, you know, but yeah, I think with the coffee. So you're saying serving, right? No, seriously, so we're saying serving. I think if you are coming from a place where the caffeine might be doing what it needs to do we're talking about this a lot with food, where we're talking about like nutrition and you're like, oh well, I have to be. If you think I have to be healthy and you're saying this to yourself, you're not allowing yourself to maybe eat the pleasurable stuff like a pizza or chocolate. You're doing yourself more of a disservice. So I could be getting the benefit of the caffeine where it's maybe not generally like overall a good thing, where maybe I'm going more on autopilot but maybe I do have to shut my brain off and just relax. You're resting, so maybe it is actually beneficial.
Eldar:Yeah. Yeah, it might not be beneficial later down the line, but it is maybe serving its purpose for now.
Phillip:So this thing can change over time. 100% and it will 100%. So this thing can change over time. What do you mean?
Eldar:Yeah, you got to do your show, you could be in a marriage for 20 years, have kids, and the next day you wake up you're like oh, I want to try out men like that. What's his name? Kim Kardashian's father, mother. Now you know, he did he, yeah, he did he, yeah.
Tommy:Dude when it comes to tea or coffee, yeah.
Eldar:You know I'm going to be a man now, Right After how many years of being a husband and a father. You know what I'm saying.
Phillip:Yeah, so that can happen. Yeah, I guess, think about that though. Right, we're saying like, by that's just like you know, you like a progively like a, like a idea towards like either one, like men or women, to change your identity Like you have to, you have to have a real serious level of either confusion or like or conviction. Like, yeah, like that, like you are this other thing.
Eldar:Well, that's why some people maybe even call it mental illness.
Phillip:Yeah, I think at the extreme level you can call it that, but if you do genuinely feel that you are, that that person, yeah, is that. Is that like a, like a justified action?
Eldar:The thing is there's, there's people there that, out there, right now, right now, alive, right that went and tested that theory for themselves, and what they did was they went through a full transformation of their body to run from a guy to a girl or a girl to a guy.
Eldar:and they went and they either cut their dicks off, cut their boobs off or they had it or they added stuff, and then what showed is that that's necessarily, that this is no longer necessarily how they actually feel, what they actually went through the process of like, okay, I'm going to do this change. They did it and like, oh shit, I don't feel the same way anymore. I'm actually a girl. I should cut off the boobs. This is actual phenomenon. There's people out there that live through this process of confusion, right, and then again the clarity that also happens.
Phillip:And what is that? So do you think that in order for them to gain clarity, they had to go through this process? 100%, so there's nothing wrong with what they're doing in order for them to get to that point, it's just an extreme behavior, if that's what it takes.
Eldar:Some people have to take a long nap.
Phillip:Yeah.
Eldar:You know what I'm saying, so that might not be in this lifetime.
Phillip:So people doing drugs or people overeating or doing these things like it is a sign to be like these people probably need these things to a point to help pacify themselves and to help get them to the point.
Eldar:A lot of times when we have these conversations, we get to a place where things are the way they are and they're in the right places. Yeah, it's supposed to be this way, but everything everything's correct.
Phillip:What where the real problem happens is that person like fighting that thing.
Toliy:There's no problem.
Phillip:No, no, no. I'm saying that that person in that saying like they're overeating, then they're saying like oh man, I got to get healthy. That level of stress and like that level of tension is saying like hey, like uh.
Eldar:Well, that's just showing you. That's just showing you the sums off. No even even more though.
Phillip:Yeah, because, like, if you're just like happy, just like eating pizza and donuts or like doing drugs, and like you're just like all right, fuck it, like I'm good, I think there's less stress in that, in that person, than trying to fight two different identities saying, hey, I'm this person right now, I'm just eating whatever I want.
Phillip:But, like the idea of the person eating healthy is like if I have salads and shakes and like I wake up early and I do all these things, that level or that idea of that healthy quote unquote guy like that to me is the level of stress Like I can relate to. Like I would always associate like by eight certain things, I did certain things, that I'm going to be a certain way, but I was so regimented and routine on all those things that I needed to do that that level of stress was like it was that was stressing me out in itself yeah.
Phillip:Now I see I don't see a big weight difference in myself and I allow myself to eat like fast food and pizza. Now I still drink green juices and I still I would say yeah, I would say I'm like 50-50 on like some healthy, like some not. But I don't see a big difference in my weight, but I see a big difference in like how I feel. Yeah.
Eldar:I recently threw out you're liberating yourself.
Phillip:Yeah, I feel a lot like less stress.
Tommy:I recently rooted out clutter in my room and I had to, like you know, make decisions about books that I didn't want to keep, and it was tough. And I saw this huge stack of books on my bed and I was just like hold on, something kicked in and it was just like this, you know, kind of like me asserting myself in that moment saying choose five things from this and throw everything else out. But it was, it was so. It just came out of nowhere, you know, and this, this, this huge group of things was like it was going to threaten to like make me think and think and think, but it seemed fair to me, you know, to say here's five things. You're like you, you get five things out of this. Yeah, Because you never read any of this shit. Yeah, and doing that actually made me feel so much more satisfied. It like it changed, you know, it changed the look of the room.
Tommy:Good Small things, you know. Things fit everywhere now and there's no like clutter. There's no, there's no stacks of stuff in random places. Everything feels like like a very serene and peaceful place in in, in where I sleep, and that's great, and I put up a little plant and and I I made sure everything has its own place. You know, small things make the big, big changes. I even put up a little photograph. I took some things down that I had decorating my room. It was like it wasn't making sense. Tlc, yeah, yeah, yeah, Absolutely, Absolutely. And I also put a little handle too, so that I can put it into a glass cylinder, Would you put?
Eldar:the put an apple by the bed too, Like just in case.
Tommy:No, but I do leave waters on my table, like for the next morning. Yeah, I want to. I want to sit in right.
Eldar:So you really just playing self love.
Tommy:I think it's very, very important. Yeah, I think it's important and you come to appreciate your space in a way you know. Yeah. Yeah.
Eldar:Very good. Thank you for those final thoughts, totally final thoughts.
Tommy:There was never a goat that didn't have two spoons to spare.
Toliy:Yeah, I mean final thoughts. Yeah, I mean. I don't know if I have any final thoughts other than like you started pretty good.
Eldar:I really liked the concept and I really liked you. Know it was fascinating to hear and understand and try to understand where you came from and how you, how your take has changed about that and I mean, obviously I'm excited to see how it's going to unravel for you.
Phillip:We didn't identify where it came from, though. Oh fuck it. Who cares, as long?
Eldar:as you benefits from it. Who gives a fuck? All right, you know what I'm saying. Who cares where it came from? Let's see the actions behind it. Sure, that's going to be the interesting part, the journey.
Toliy:Yeah, it's hard to have final thoughts, at least for me, on it, because it's such, not not a final, like a thing. Yeah, yeah, you know. But I would say that, like, if you may, like, maybe if you think about the the big things you have going on your life and like if you feel that you are at times like a 50, 50 person where sometimes you know, like things are just good and sometimes things are bad, and sometimes things are good and things are bad, I guess, maybe challenge, like challenge yourself and try to think about all the different small things that I think contribute towards like um impeding that, like path, and um figure out, like what rules are you breaking for yourself, right, Like in in those things you know that are causing you just like, yeah, repetitive stress and suffering when they don't need to be, but, um, I think sometimes you do need help in like trying to untangle those things right.
Toliy:It's kind of like, um, things to you may seem extremely complicated, but, um, they might not be complicated, you know, they're not like inherently complicated and maybe to another person you present these kind of problems to them or different things, they'll be able to solve them very fast. But I think it's a matter of you separating yourself from the equation so that you don't um, you don't like, uh, overwhelm yourself.
Eldar:Yeah.
Toliy:Yeah, over, over, overwhelm yourself, um, and I think that if you maybe give it enough time, you'll kind of see the, the um. I'm speculating, at least, that I will see the, the cumulative effort of all these different things that are able to free up my mind from stress and from worries and just from like different things, things like that. And I think, before I know it, I'm speculating that I will have a lot more time to do everything that I actually like, want to do, and I'll probably have more time than what I need.
Phillip:Yeah, I'm only two desks away, so anytime you need any advice, you can just walk over.
Eldar:This is true. This is true too. Yeah, it's well put. Totally. The whole time you talk about these small little things, one thing that keeps coming to my mind is that these small things actually is our path to victory when it comes to um being in the moment. Yeah, you know, like they really hold very interesting, very interesting um power within them, and if we're mindful about those little things, like I said, I think the victory of being in the moment is right there. You know what I mean. Every time we speak about, anytime somebody talks about like the the most, like kind of like maybe in the moment things or whatever. They're not really talking about anything short and very crazy. They're really talking about the small little details of, you know, sitting down and enjoying your morning coffee, you know, and staring out the window and seeing the light, you know, or the speck of dust that you like to stare at.
Toliy:Tom, you know that one time you mentioned um stuff like that you know, if Phil finds out about that he's going to get four orders of fries to make flers and throw them both, throw them all at Tom's car.
Eldar:Yeah, and, like you said, if you systematically maybe accumulate or really pay attention to those things, I really think you can liberate yourself from a lot of these burdens and all these other stressors that's been causing you to slow down and not actualize yourself in the in the bigger things. Yeah.
Eldar:You know what I mean? Yeah, I think so too. I think that's the path you know. Um, it's fascinating, but it's very interesting to see, so I'm I'm excited to see some of the steps that you're going to take and some of the testimonials that you're going to have afterwards.
Toliy:Yeah, yeah. I also think that, like fucking cool those, those small things. They're inherently, maybe by themselves, small, yeah, but they happen and they appear way more times. And that bigger thing appears throughout your every day. That's right, right, that's right. Like they're going to again, they're going to be the biggest virus to your whole system, to your whole system.
Eldar:You're right. Yeah, I thought about that too, that it's actually paradoxical that these small things are not very small at all.
Toliy:They're not very small at all because they're they have way more numbers. They have more numbers than the big things they're perceived by the ego or their.
Eldar:The ego's job is to make an illusion like they're small.
Toliy:Yes, yes.
Phillip:In our eyes, but really they're very big and they're very important.
Eldar:Yeah, yeah, that's one of my final thoughts, philip. What do you think about the small big things and how we tackle them?
Phillip:Yeah, I think it's interesting that you put it that way, where we're calling them big and small, but it's because of our idea and label on what it is. But when we're talking at it from like a volume perspective and like what you're experiencing on a day to day, those small things are not actually small. So, calling these things for what they are, which are the big things or the things that we perceive that are big, that might attach like a big feeling to them, and these things might not have that emotional attachment that we're talking about like the big thing, but they do impact. The impact is big and the impact is there on a day to day basis, where it has the volume and they, they can almost creep up on you. So, maybe they're, they're almost like like craftier and like more clever than the big thing Because, like, maybe they can be in your blind spots but you don't see them on a day to day. Where these are the things that I think to pay attention to would be when somebody's pointing out something in you and you get defensive. It could be, it could be those those little things. It could be like language.
Phillip:I think we were talking about, totally with language, how you're using certain words and maybe how you're not maybe understanding the impact of what you think they are, where maybe somebody else understands them. So, like words, you use words every day, we're using words and how we communicate. So I think those type of things are very big because somebody would just say like, oh, my communications off. But it may be like your association with one definition of one word. That can be the small thing but it's actually a really big thing and you might be using that word every day. You might be using it in your relationship with your parents, with your wife, your husband, on the phone, and it might not be your total communication. So saying, oh, my communication is not, is not very good. You might be a great communicator but you might have one or two words off and if you redefine those, that can be like a liberation for you, huge.
Eldar:So to me that's an example of a small yeah, but it's huge.
Phillip:But it has huge impact. It's very paradoxical, or?
Tommy:examine, not just redefine, but I think I would argue, also examining.
Phillip:Well, yeah, I think you'd have to examine it first to make the actual change. Because if somebody just tells you, oh, use a different word without examining it, I think the lasting power of that word like being changed in that person's vocabulary probably very like why am I using this word in this way, or why am I seeing this word in this way? Yeah, If you're not genuinely curious and you don't examine it, I don't think the lasting power is going to be very long.
Toliy:I think it's very hard for your ego to allow you to get to a point where the things that you've perceived as big for so long are actually small and that the small things that you've perceived for so long are actually big. I don't think like I think the ego is designed for you to never come to that realization, because the ego will never allow you to realize that you got it all wrong.
Eldar:Yeah, like that's its job. That's its job, yeah, it's job is to preserve itself.
Toliy:Well, so its job is always to preserve the current identity that you have. Yeah, you're right, you're never supposed to change what do?
Tommy:they call it.
Toliy:They call it the ego is not your amiga.
Tommy:No, lizard brain, like there's a theory right that we have two parts of ourselves and they're the judge, you know, and the gator. The gator just wants to eat and the judge is like more, you know, like more rules based, more slow, but the gator wants to snap, you know. So it's kind of like the idea, thank you, tom, we're good guys.
Eldar:This was pretty good. Yeah, yeah, good job guys. Yeah, that's.