#54 Focus Control to Tame Your Thoughts

Explanation of how to use breathwork and mindfulness skills to choose to place your focus where you want it and disrupt negative thought spirals.

Transcript

Develop Focus Control to Tame Your Thoughts

Topic: Today I am going to talk with you about a less talked about perspective on an important use for breath work and mindful meditation. That is using those practices to increase your ability to focus your attention.

Definition: Breathwork is using the breath as a focal point and using different breathing techniques as a tool to gain more control over your physical, mental and emotional responses. Mindfulness is a way of being in the present and it is a form of meditation but it is also a tool for a variety of mental, emotional and physical issues.

We usually think of breathwork and mindfulness as forms of meditation which we use to get into a relaxed state of being. We take a few minutes, ten minutes, 30 minutes or longer out of our busy lives to meditate and calm our nervous systems during a break away from stressors.

For example, a typical guided meditation starts with slowing your breathing and focusing on taking deeper breaths which help to slow your heart rate. After settling into this slower pace, you may focus on something you can look at such as a candle flame or a special object. You might have a word or phrase which gets repeated. And then a guided meditation takes you through scanning and relaxing your body and may then take you on a mental journey of images which help to calm you and help you become peaceful. It may end with an affirmation to keep thinking as you return to your regular routine.

This type of meditation when practiced regularly is very effective at bringing about relaxation. It is a nice break from stress and does help to turn off the stress response which is beneficial to your health.

Mindfulness and breathwork techniques can also be used for a different purpose. They can be used for increasing your ability to control your focus and manage your thoughts. Many people struggle with thoughts which are distressing and which harm their self-esteem, their self-confidence and which worsen moods such as anxiety, depression, and anger. Many people are tortured by racing thoughts, spiraling thoughts, negative thoughts and fears which they can’t seem to stop or get away from. They feel overpowered by their thoughts. Wouldn’t it be great to be able to disconnect from those thoughts and be able to get on with actively living life?

Here is an example of being immersed in out-of-control destructive thinking: 

Mary leaves her adult son a phone message and then he doesn’t respond after several hours. Mary starts to think he is avoiding her. She starts to think of reasons he may want to avoid her. She remembers she was critical of him going to dinner at an expensive restaurant. Maybe he sees her as meddling and annoying. She wonders what is wrong with her that she can’t just be happy for someone having a good time. She starts to think she is a bad mom and her son probably just tolerates her because he has to.

You can see that Mary’s thoughts have taken her down a very destructive path. This is a common thought spiral that you might recognize!

Now, let's look at how it plays out if Mary is able to be mindful and is able to disconnect from her thoughts and focus on the here and now. 

Mary leaves her adult son a phone message and then he doesn’t respond after several hours. Mary starts to think he is avoiding her. But because Mary is mindful of her own thinking, she recognizes this as the start of a negative spiral. She thinks, “There is one of those thoughts that is just not helpful and is probably not true.” She decides that thought can just hang there while she directs her focus to something beneficial to her. Mary decides to go out to her garden taking her dog with her. While outside, Mary focuses her attention on her dog, petting him and talking to him and encouraging him to walk around the yard with her. As she goes around, she looks at the flowers that have opened up since she was last out there. She finds the first pea pod and notices a ladybug. She notices a soft breeze in her hair and feels the sun warming her back. She pulls a few little weeds and sees the fresh soil. Mary is perfectly fine despite not having heard from her son.

You can see from this example that because Mary was able to notice early on that she was having the type of thought which could take her down a negative path she was able to decide to focus her attention on something pleasant in the here and the now. Because she has practiced focusing her attention on the present, she is able to disconnect from the negative thought and let it be while she goes about doing something more healthy to her mental and emotional well being.

Here is an important point. People are not helplessly subject to their automatic thoughts and reactions. Your brain does a lot automatically, but you have the ability to control some aspects. You especially have the ability to choose where to focus your attention.

Yesterday, I ran a therapy group with adolescents and I started with just a couple of minutes of being mindful of the breath and then the body. Predictably, they were annoyed with this activity and wished I would just get into the talking business. It wasn’t long before someone brought up that they had responded to being triggered and they had engaged in self-harm. They described it as an automatic reaction. A peer commented that self-harm doesn’t stop and it only gets worse. They were presenting as helpless to do anything about it. I took the opportunity to point out that the activity of noticing the breath and body which we did at the start of group was about practicing to control focusing your mind. It is a skill which they could use to interrupt their automatic reactions and interrupt the pattern. To my surprise, they didn’t argue with me and they looked a little confused. This is a good sign. It means they were considering a different approach even if they weren’t convinced.

Our automatic thoughts and automatic reactions do not have to be inescapable. By practicing the skill of noticing and directing the focus of your attention, you can take back control. You can take the power out of negative thoughts, which by the way, are our own creations. They do not have a life of their own and they do not have to overpower us. By learning to disconnect from thoughts and see them with some distance as an object created by the mind, we can reduce the emotional trap.

Here are some steps you can take.

First, notice that a thought is an unhelpful type of thought. 

Next, put it out, away from you. Get some distance from it. You can do this by seeing the thought or thoughts as if they are on a movie screen. You can see them as words or as images. We all know that we can get very involved in a movie but when it is over, we know it was just images on a screen. Do this with your negative and distressing thoughts. 

Next, do not try to get rid of them. It is a paradox that when we fight to suppress something or to get rid of it, it grows in intensity. Also, don’t try to argue with the distressing thoughts. This keeps you engaged with them. 

Instead, just let them be out there on the movie screen, out away from you. They can hang out there as you go about some activity of your choosing. 

The next step is to focus your attention on what you are doing at that moment. It doesn’t even have to be pleasant. It could be doing dishes or driving or any regular activity. The key is to focus on the here and the now and on something which is real. Whatever you are doing at the time is what is real. 

With practice, you should find it easier to disconnect from distressing thoughts and you will be able to get off of the negative, never-ending thought spiral. 

It seems overly simple, but focusing on your breath and all of the sensations that go with it, is developing a very important skill. It is developing your ability to focus your attention where you want it. You can use that skill to set aside distressing thoughts. You can use that skill to fully experience real life. There is a lot of good to experience if you are able to attend to it.

You can find out more about me at my website, ldonreed.com and you can discover more educational material and products at my website, growing emotional strength.com 

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Until next time, be well.