Rejection Proof

The way your ex treated you had nothing to do with you. It was all a reflection of their own internal shit. This episode dives into this.


Rejection Proof by Jia Jiang

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Transcript

0:27

Hey, my friends. I recently finished the audio book for this book called Rejection Proof by Jia Jiang. I really cannot recommend that book enough, like seriously, I found it to be absolutely worldview shifting, healing and hilarious. I'll put a link for it in the show notes. It's seriously worth the read. The premise of the book is that he embarks on this project to attempt to get 100 days of being rejected by people in order to build up a thicker skin. And he ends up learning so much about rejection. One of the things he learned that really stood out to me was that rejection is just another person's opinion. So often, rejection feels bad because we make it mean so much more than that. We bring our worthiness into question. We take it personally. We think it means something about us when it actually has more to do with the other person than ourselves. He came to see that there is no such thing as universal rejection. Just because some people say no or reject you does not mean that all people will. Even though we sometimes extrapolate one person's rejection into being universal, right? One relationship doesn't work out, and suddenly we are convinced that no one will ever love us. And that projection is so much more painful than that actual rejection itself. One person's inability to treat us right, or love us in the way that we need turns into, why am I unlovable? One totally shitty Tinder interaction, and we're like all men are trash. I'm never dating again. I'm gonna die alone. I totally do this. I make things mean way more than they actually do. I think we all do it to varying degrees. It's very dramatic and very miserable. Someone saying that they don't want to date you might hurt, but calling into question whether or not you deserve a loving relationship based off of that, hurts way more. And it is unnecessary and self inflicted. Not being loved by your parents hurts, but making that mean that you are undeserving of ever being loved, hurts more. I think it is important to not take someone's opinions, or their inadequacies. and make it mean something about you. Other people's opinions are not a source of truth. It doesn't reflect the truth about you. It reflects more about them. And the way they think and where they are in their life, than it says anything about you. So if you're like me, and you go down this rabbit hole sometimes, the next time you notice yourself doing this, ask yourself What else might be true? If what this person said or did has fuck all to do with me, what else might it mean? Make yourself look for alternatives that have nothing to do with you. We are all the centers of our own worlds, but we're not the center of other people's. Everyone mostly thinks about themself. What someone says or does actually has very little to do with you. It is all their past baggage and their current state of mind and what they have currently going on that is informing the way they show up in the world. And so taking things personally and making things mean things about ourselves just ends up being so inaccurate and unnecessary. I think about how when I get upset, it's usually because a wound of mine or a trauma of mine got poked. Other people might not be upset about the same things that I am. It's my history and my mental state that dictate what I find upsetting or not. I'm not a source of truth for what is upsetting, and other people should not take that as truth. It might be my truth, but it's not THE truth. And we got to be careful to not take other people's opinions or inadequacies as any kind of truth about us or the world and

just let them be what they are: 7:25

other people's opinions or inadequacies. It's a whole lot less dramatic that way. This is what I want for us, my friends, to let it be what it is without making it into something more. I hope you will try this out with me, and I hope you will check out that book. It was really good. All right, my friends. Until next time, be well.