Recall a time when you were bursting with emotions, yet found it impossible to express them?
Sharing my personal experiences, I discuss how the fear of judgement and burdening others often muted my inner voice. But here's the turning point - reaching out to someone you trust, preparing for that conversation and asking for what you need. It could be a friend, a family member or a professional. It doesn't matter. It matters that you get a source of relief and validation.
We'll explore how you can channel your emotions creatively through journaling, drawing, music, exercise, and more. This episode sheds light on the power of emotional expression, validating our feelings, and the transformative impact of asking for support.
Let's confront our fears together and emerge stronger, one conversation at a time.
To connect: Email: youdoyouhunpodcast@gmail.com Instagram: www.instagram.com/youdoyouhunpodcast Facebook: Search 'You Do You Hun community'
As always THANK YOU for listening to the pod, if you have a minute to rate/review/share I would really appreciate it!
Recall a time when you were bursting with emotions, yet found it impossible to express them?
Sharing my personal experiences, I discuss how the fear of judgement and burdening others often muted my inner voice. But here's the turning point - reaching out to someone you trust, preparing for that conversation and asking for what you need. It could be a friend, a family member or a professional. It doesn't matter. It matters that you get a source of relief and validation.
We'll explore how you can channel your emotions creatively through journaling, drawing, music, exercise, and more. This episode sheds light on the power of emotional expression, validating our feelings, and the transformative impact of asking for support.
Let's confront our fears together and emerge stronger, one conversation at a time.
To connect: Email: youdoyouhunpodcast@gmail.com Instagram: www.instagram.com/youdoyouhunpodcast Facebook: Search 'You Do You Hun community'
As always THANK YOU for listening to the pod, if you have a minute to rate/review/share I would really appreciate it!
Speaker 1:
Hello, hello, and welcome to the UDU Hum podcast, a place to provide you with motivation, direction and for me to be your very own cheerleader If you are looking to move from where you are now to where you need to be. Keep listening, because I am going to share with you the tips and tricks that I have learned along the way from my 10 years experience in mental health. This podcast is sponsored by my god damn self, so if you are looking for home sense and affordable fragrances, look for Splendid Bliss on Facebook or Instagram. But for now, let's the podcast begin. Hello, hello, and welcome back to another episode of UDU Hum. I hope you're well. I hope you've had a fantastic week. I am recording this on a Tuesday. Who the hell do I think I am Talk about being organised? My parents are downstairs with Anderson. They've told me to come up here and get organised, so I'm like right, I've got time to do stuff, so let's get stuff done. I've already recorded another podcast episode with the lovely Megan, the midwife, so watch out for that. I don't know if this is going to become before this episode or after the episode, but either way, have a look, because it's such a good episode and I'm really, really excited to share that with you.
Speaker 1:
But today, today's episode I wanted to talk to you about, is about struggling to communicate, because it can be really hard to talk about how you feel and especially if you're in a lot of distress right now or you're feeling very impacted by your mental health. It can be one of the most difficult things to turn around and say to somebody I'm not doing okay, I need support, my mind isn't right, I've got these scary thoughts. Whatever it might be, it can be really, really difficult, and the reason why it can be difficult is because we feel worried about obsessing people. Perhaps we feel nervous about what people think. We're scared about judgement. We're worried it might affect our relationships. We're worried that after telling people something about ourselves and being really vulnerable, we're left quite open and quite exposed, and a lot of people do not want to feel like that. But I'm here to tell you that it's okay if you're not okay. You know you're not alone in this. You're not the only person in the world right now that isn't feeling great. That isn't doing well. Unfortunately, there's a lot of us. But if there's a lot of us, that means that we're all in this together.
Speaker 1:
Okay, but what I wanted to talk to you about today is what can you do if you feel you can't communicate with your feelings? But why is that? Is it because it's a tough topic? Is it because of attachment issues in your previous your childhood, you know, didn't have a really established, just secure attachment with your parents. Is it because it goes against what you believe? You know you have expectations that if you spoke about how you felt, you might look weak or you might look vulnerable, when actually that's okay. Or perhaps it's your personality in general. You feel just generally uncomfortable talking about yourself. It's not really the status quo, it's not really what you are passionate about or it's not a part of you. Now, think about that when you, when it does, come to talking to people about how you feel. Let me ask you this why can't you, why can't you talk to people about how you feel? What is the reason behind this? Have a think about it. I want you to just sit with them questions for a moment. Why can't you talk to people about how you feel? What's the reasons?
Speaker 1:
If I think about my journey, I wasn't talking to people about how I feel for a very long time and for me, I was always the person that helped everyone else, not the other way around. My identity was the helper, not the receiver. I didn't want to burden anyone. You know my parents well. My mum especially, was going through grief with her mum and I didn't want to upset her. She was already feeling really upset. Many reasons why I didn't speak about how I felt for quite long time. I felt I could just get on with it. How many of us say, oh, it'd be all right, I'll just get on with it, and we bottle it, and bottle it, and bottle it, and it gets to the stage where it gets too much. You know that bottle top is going to crack, it's going to burst. So thinking about that sorry, bear with me, anderson's crying, I won't be a minute, hello everyone. So that took longer than expected. It took weeks, not minutes, just on that one, no, honestly. So I went down. I think he needed a bit of support or guidance or just love, basically, and then I couldn't come back to this. So I am actually recording this weeks later. So let's finish this pod because this one is very, very interesting.
Speaker 1:
So it might be that the reason that you're not able to open up to somebody or able to speak about how you feel, because you don't really know where to go to next with that. You don't really know who to speak to. You know, is there a trusted family member? Is there a friend? Is there a professional? You know there's no right or wrong way to do this. As long as you speak to someone, as long as you communicate how you're feeling. That's the aim of the game here. We want you to feel relief. We want you to feel, I guess you know, validated for your experiences. So it might be a case that you know we need to open up to someone around you. Side note, Anderson is with me, by the way. He is on his baby gym. He might be a little bit active If he is. I do apologise. Hopefully you can still hear me, but let's work with it. Let's work.
Speaker 1:
But essentially, when it comes to us speaking about our feelings, and a lot of the time when it comes to speaking about our family or friends, we often worry that we're going to be a burden to them and we often think that we're going to upset them. But you know, in my experience there's nothing that has truly upset me. But what upsets me more is if somebody feels they can't speak to me, or someone feels that they have to deal with this alone. You know, I'm sure a lot of people would agree that's more upsetting that someone felt that they had to deal with this on their own. We don't want that. You know, sharing is caring and we're family for a reason. And you know, friends are your chosen family, aren't they? So I'm sure that the people around you would prefer to know what is going on for you instead of you dealing with that yourself.
Speaker 1:
So, firstly, it's about thinking about well, who do I open up about my experiences and who do I speak to, and what are they going to do with that information? And it might be a case of saying, look, I want to talk to you, but I want to keep it between us. Or, you know, whatever you feel you need. You might want to start the conversation with look, I want to talk to you about this, but I don't need you to find a solution, I just want you to listen. Or it might be a case that actually, family or friends are too close. It might be professionals, it might be Samaritans, it might be a helpline, it might be a dropping centre. You know, whatever it is get it out.
Speaker 1:
And next, what you really need to think about is what kind of communication suits you, you know. Would you prefer face to face? Would you prefer text? Would you prefer speaking to somebody on the phone, for instance? And what you can do, if you want to prepare yourself for this, is practice. What you want to say, what do you want to get across in this conversation? You know you can do it in front of the mirror, you can just do it in your head, you can write it down and I think this is really, really important when it comes to speaking to people and to getting out your feelings is asking for what you need.
Speaker 1:
You know what do you need from someone, and why I think this is quite helpful is because a lot of the time people that are speaking to you, they want to know how to help and sometimes they just don't ask that question. And that's a question you want to hear. You want to. You know what you want to hear is how can I help you? But a lot of the time people don't know to ask that question, but they're stuck. So they then start saying things well, at least this is going well, or at least you've got this and they try and look on the positives of things when actually all you need is a little cry, a little hug, or you need someone to tell you that you know things are going to get better, you're going to move through this, you're strong. So ask what you need to say.
Speaker 1:
What I really need right now is some support or some guidance, or you know I need to, I need to think this through, or is there another way to think about this? You know, say for what you need. So it might be, you know, could you help me make a doctor's appointment, or could you be with me when I when I go and when I call a helpline, or can you help me find therapy? You know the internet's confusing. It might be someone says to you can I have some self care? Like you know, if it's a family member, or like your partner and you've got children, it might be. Look, I just need an hour, like I'm just wiped. I need an hour to myself, like you know, every night, or, you know, several times a week, just for me to kind of recuperate, breathe. You know, energize yourself. You know, just ask for what you need and people will give it to you, because sometimes, well, a lot of the time, I do think people expect people around to be a mind reader and they go. Well, they know how I am, they know how I'm doing because they can see it.
Speaker 1:
Unfortunately, not a lot of people are very in tune and a mindful and a very in the moment. Because they're not in the moment, they might not be picking up on the signs and symptoms of you and how you're not doing. Well, you know, to put it bluntly, like in peaks of my crisis, when I was in crisis and you know I wanted to end my life, I was still working, I was still doing A-levels, I was going into six or every day. So on the outside people might think, well, laura's winning, laura's got a great life and I'm still going to parties. But what you didn't see was me shaking into a room, shaking when I was walking into a room, or, you know, going to a party but leaving like half an hour later because I was too anxious. Or you know me being withdrawn. But I think you'd start to notice as time goes on. So sometimes people aren't very good at recognizing signs. So because of that, it's difficult to think that a lot of people might pick up on it, okay.
Speaker 1:
So sometimes it might be a case of you speaking about how you feel because you are deserving of it and because people around you do care about you, they do love you and they need the opportunity to be able to support you. Do we agree with that? So, practice what you need to say, ask for what you need Okay. However, there might be a time where you do not want to talk to anybody about how you feel, and that is completely within your right. Okay, I'm not saying that just because you speak to someone that's going to change your life and make everything magical. Okay, I recognize that there are people in your life that aren't good to you, and I can also recognize that there are times where you don't want to speak about things that are going on for you because it might make you feel worse talking. Okay, so you can express your feelings in another way.
Speaker 1:
Firstly, journaling. There is so much research to say that journaling is a really, really good thing for you to do. Okay, it can help reduce stress, it can help you get out your feelings and it can really give you that space where you can kind of, I guess, take a step back and look where you're at and kind of understand where am I going, why do I feel like this suddenly? Okay, so journaling has definitely been shown to decrease mental distress. So in a study, researchers found that those with various medical conditions and anxiety who wrote online for 15 minutes three days a week Over a 12-week period had increased feelings of well-being and fewer depressive symptoms after one month One month. So if you haven't used journaling before, if you haven't like put pen to paper and write out your thoughts and feelings, give it a go. You know I used to. I've started writing diaries from about eight years old to about 22 and I don't think I've done it since, but a long time and many, many books of feelings and thoughts. But it really does help for you to rate your day, to realize that you're doing well, that you're moving forward, and you know you're working as hard as you can. So try journaling. And if you do journal, let me know what it does for you.
Speaker 1:
What about drawing? Okay, you know a lot of people don't think about drawing when it comes to expressing your thoughts and feelings. You know drawing can boost creativity. You know it's a fantastic way to reduce your stress and your anxiety. It can be a really good stress reliever. It improves your concentration, it enhances your memory, it can provide you the sense of achievement once you've completed it and it can help you Express yourself. And it can also promote mindfulness, because you're drawing on something and you're really kind of Focusing on that. Okay, so it could be that drawing could be for you. So if you're somebody that used to draw and you haven't done it in a while, go back to it. You know you did it before. For a reason. It made you feel good. Go back to that and see how it feels.
Speaker 1:
Next, music music is such a good way to Express your feelings because we can all resonate with emotion and pain and when we find a Music or a song that resonates with us, it can feel very validated. Okay, a lot of us we find songs that resonate with us. You know it does help release and express our emotions. You know, for me, you know, when I was in a really dark place, I'd listen to really dark music. You know I was listening to like um, oh God, let me try and think of the music I was listening to but like something won't agree, this is dark, but like Green Day and all like indie rock, screaming songs I think that's three days, grace, or something like that. You meet, is it? You meet six, you meet six. And this is a long time ago, everyone a long time ago. But any song that we're talking about Pain and anguish and hurt and all of this, that's what I'd listen to because that really resonated with me. But actually, on hindsight, what should have done is done the opposite. Um, but having a space where you can release your emotions is a really, really good thing.
Speaker 1:
So, find that music, you know, cry your heart out. That's what you've got to do or express yourself. You'll feel angry. It's a really angry music, you know. I guess like bang your head. Not bang your head, but like what did they say? We got up, you're rocking, like you bang your head. What's that called? I don't know, but I'm sure you're. You're screaming at me to say the right thing, sorry.
Speaker 1:
Next, engage in exercise. You know, I found that when I'm feeling quite angry, exercise can be really good, especially like getting on a spin bike or go into the gym and, you know, being really angry on the cross straighter because it's something right. It's a form of expression. I think a lot of people shy away from anger and like they, as if like anger's a bad thing. But we all feel angry for a reason and it isn't a bad thing to express anger as long as it's done safely and it doesn't hurt you or anyone else. What's the problem? So, you know, engage in exercise angrily or go to a rage room. They're becoming increasingly popular. They where you go into a room and just smash stuff up, because a lot of people have a lot of anger, because life can be hard, or people are hard or Situations are difficult.
Speaker 1:
So it's something to think about, isn't it? You know what is it that you need? And do it, and and don't feel that you're silly. Or you know you haven't got time. You need to make time because you shouldn't feel distressed. You know you shouldn't keep feeling these feelings that you're feeling. Well, keep feeling as it. You're feeling that you shouldn't, because how long do you go?
Speaker 1:
You know, I think that we've seen a lot in the news recently and, oh, my goodness, like so absolutely gutted that Chandler from Friends has passed away, okay, so devastated that Matthew Perry is no longer with us, okay, and it's so sad, isn't it? Whenever there's a death and things you, it really just makes you look back and really reflect and really makes you realise how important life is and to really make the most of every single moment you have. Because you just don't know, do you? And when you hear, you know there's so much sadness and upset going around the world, how long do you keep that upset for you? You know, how long do you feel these feelings like, how long you're going to waste time for. And you know, someone told me that at the time I was like I'm not wasting time, like I'm bloody struggling, like I'm trying my hardest. So I hear you, but we've got to take the steps forward. We've got to take them steps forward.
Speaker 1:
So, essentially, how do we express ourselves? So first we need to think about who we're going to speak to. You know how we're going to speak to them. You know, take that deep breath. What communication do you need? Is it a phone call, a text, a face to face? Are you going to practice what you need to say? Are you going to tell them what you need?
Speaker 1:
But then, if you can't express, let's express them in different ways journal, draw, exercise, and don't forget to use music. You know, find a playlist that resonates with you. But I would also say you know, allow that for a little bit that resonates with you, but then find the opposite. You know, if you're feeling really sad, listen to sad songs, of course, but then allow yourself to listen to happy songs to get yourselves out of the sadness. So that's all from me. Thank you for listening, as always, and I will see you next week. Thanks for listening. This podcast is sponsored by Laura Burke training, the consultancy. That's right, my mental health training company. So if your company needs mental health, or saved or workshops around mental health, I'm your girl. I am here to provide tools and techniques to staff to help them improve their mental health. So if you'd like to find out more, go to wwwlauraberkcouk. Thank you.