[00:10] Speaker A: Hi, everyone. Welcome to the Keep Em Healthy with Jamie podcast. This is your host, Jamie, and I'm so happy you chose to listen to this episode. This episode speaks to parents who are embarking on those years where children start asking for the iPhones and more devices, and it's also for parents that their children already have access to devices. And then it's also even for adults, to just take a pause and think about their relationship with their social media and their iPhones and whatever other devices are part of their day to day life. On this episode. I have a good friend of mine, Chrissy Dee Philippo. She has a background in public health with a certification as a prevention specialist, but she currently works in the mental health department of the nonprofit sector. And so between her passion for mental health and the public and then also parenting teenage boys, her and I come together in this episode and just have this awesome conversation about how hard it is to navigate this world. Of technology and devices and social media and how the responsibility of parenting children while we're still trying to figure out how to manage it. It's a very real conversation. Chrissy and I share what we have learned and what we have studied and then what we have experienced. So much to think about, so much to talk about. And please follow me on Instagram at Keep Them Healthy with Jamie or contact me on my website, Keep Them Healthy with Jamie.com if you have any insight or great ideas on ways to balance technology in a household. So, without further ado, let's meet Chrissy. Hi, Chrissy. Thank you so much for joining us on this episode. I am excited to get talking about the relationship between social media and the youth and mental health and also social health and physical health. I think this is a topic that relates to the youth, but I think it runs parallel to adults as well, and I think a lot of people just don't have it figured out yet ways to balance social media and our health. And so I'm so excited to pick your brain about this topic.
[02:40] Speaker B: Hi, Jamie. Yes, I'm so excited to be here. Thanks so much for having me. Hopefully we can cover that all. I'm not so sure. It's a super important topic and it's multifaceted so we can get into it today and see how we go and maybe we'll come back for more on another day.
[03:00] Speaker A: I would absolutely love that. So I think the best way to get this started is I would love for you, Chrissy, to paint a picture of just an everyday teenager and kind of give a run through of their day just so that we can have some insight as to the amount of social media usage that a normal teen would have.
[03:21] Speaker B: Surely. Yeah, let's start there. I think that's a great idea. So I can speak from my perspective and what I have experienced living with teenagers and working with teenagers. Now that may be different for someone else in someone else's family, home, school, if we break it down right. And starting typical day daily activity for a teenager, I think it starts with the moment and the minute they wake up is just having that phone on their mind. I see it. I can't speak for a teenager, but I see the behaviors. I see where teenagers wake up and the first thing is they go straight to their phone and I see where it just starts from there. The synapses are firing and you start to almost lose your teenager at that point because think about it, overnight, with the average team being connected to five to six social media apps, they're missing a lot throughout the evening. So it's almost like catch up time in the morning. Let's take for example, a school day. They're getting caught up pretty quickly, right? They run to the phone, but yet they still have so many other responsibilities. So it's like that quick fix, let me see, what did I miss? What can I catch up on real quick? And then how do I get on with my responsibilities to get out the door and go to school? So I feel like everything is just like fast paced with a rush.
[04:50] Speaker A: Let's get it in this quick check. And just even as an adult doing a quick check again, air quotes. You could eat up a half an hour and not even realize it. And then cut. So you're already behind and you're rushing out the door to school. You haven't made your bed, did you eat? Your parents are yelling at you, you're going to miss the bus. So you're starting this day with this stress of like, I didn't even catch up, I wasted so much time and now I'm late for school. And it just creates this chaos from the get go.
[05:22] Speaker B: Yeah, thank you. That's a great point. The stress that you bring up, right, the cortisol, it's overflowing. So, yeah, just having to get in what they can on the end of their social media and connect with their friends. Because let's not forget, we can't blame them to a certain extent. That is their connection for many things, as it is for adults too. So I think that we can speak to this in terms of a teenager. We can also, as it relates to adults, I think that we're waking up and we're getting caught up in what we might have missed. Day takes off and yes, that stress and it's like that rush and it's like, how can I keep up?
[06:08] Speaker A: Well, let's continue on with this rushing and playing catch up aspect. What are some effects of having this immediate stimulation, immediate catch up, media stress, media rushing? Is there some effects that happen or things to look out for? If your child is overstimulated and overusing their phone sure.
[06:35] Speaker B: I'd say the first is like concentration. Is your child able to concentrate? Do they seem in touch with you in social regard? Are they responding to you? Are they making eye contact? Are they able to repeat back what you just asked or what you've just told them? Because that focus, that concentration, I think, is the thing that we see most that's missing from our teens, from our kids, you know, that distraction. There's such a major stimulation. Their brains are kind of like on fire, right? Synapses are firing all over the place. But when it comes to them being mindful, concentrating on one thing, how are.
[07:25] Speaker A: They doing with that, with that? The brain functioning, that's like a trigger for me because brain health has always been something that I have cared so much about and even for my kids, especially when it comes to technology and the balance of that. And so can you kind of give us a picture of what exactly happens, I think for parents, especially, to give them an understanding of what's happening with their child's brain and that some of this, the child cannot override. It's a chemical process that is going on, whether the child is wanting it to or not. And this is the same, and it's true for adults as well. So can you just give us like a little science background of exactly what's going on with the brain and that stimulation?
[08:12] Speaker B: Yeah. So according to what I've read, learned and researched myself, I'll start by saying this. The one thing that really stood out for me recently was that in all the stimulation that we're getting through electronic means, social media, Internet, etc. And et cetera, or electronic devices, whether it be the lights, the sounds, the swipes, just all that stuff happening so quickly. I did read where it does tire the brain. It tires the brain so much that the brain is not able to focus as much and memorize personally, I found that most recently with myself, which has actually scared me quite a bit, where I try to memorize either a code or a phone number, whatever it might be, and I can't do it. It scares me. So I'll try to be very mindful about stopping what I'm doing, going back, reading it, looking at it, repeating it, but again, very scary that I have to go back sometimes 2345 times to memorize a phone number. So that's one aspect that's really interesting.
[09:35] Speaker A: That you're saying that, because you scan, scan, scan all this information. And when you do that, the quality of what you're actually absorbing is so low because it's so overrided by so much information. And so that's interesting you say that, Christie, because it's something to keep in check when we are addressing our kids and how they are paying attention or not paying attention to us. And to say that, to take a look at our responsibility as a parent, do we allow our child to have free rein with this access. And if so, our response to the parent is to say, you know, that's something that I can control. I can say to them that these are the windows or I can make changes so that they don't have access and overstimulate. And then I can expect them to start paying attention, listening to me because they're not tiring out their brains with constant access to their phones.
[10:31] Speaker B: Yeah, right, exactly. In addition to that, Jamie, there is another piece too, I just wanted to make mention of, and that is because you alluded to the chemical process, like the science behind all this, right? So we seek feeling good, right? Dopamine is our feelgood chemical. So there's plenty of research behind this as well, is that with social media apps and all the stimulation that comes from the use of, you know, whether it be the Internet or we can even throw in video games, that there is a release of dopamine. Again, we seek that put too much fear out there. But there have been brain scans done, say the brain of an addict and addiction comes in many different forms, right? And then the brain of someone who may be addicted to social media, the Internet, et cetera. And they have found in brain scans some similarities to what the brain looks like. They have also found that there's like diminished executive functioning and impulse control and a lot of that comes from the frontal lobe. So let's just back up a minute and think about the frontal lobe because that's the area of the brain that is the last area to develop. And as we know in our preteens adolescence, I mean, we always make a joke of it, right? You might ask a teen like, why did you do that? And really the answer is sometimes they don't know the answer because they don't have that judgment and problem solving fully developed yet. So we might find teenagers, adolescents doing silly and maybe even stupid things, right? So when all that plays in, we see how it's linked to, again, brain chemicals, the dopamine seeking that pleasure, seeking that excitement and then knowing that those areas of the brain may be affected because of everything else that's going on. It's a bit scary and I think it does explain for some of the behaviors, some of the habits that we are seeing in young people in addition to adults, as you said earlier.
[13:01] Speaker A: And I think what you just said is on point. Christie and I think that I just had a recent experience and I'm an adult and I know the mindfulness behind social media and the fact that it is addicting. They literally put money and to map out and figure out how to keep you clicking more and more and more and scrolling longer and longer. And I know all these things, but I am still a human being with a brain, with the same chemicals as these teenagers. And I have, I like to say, a fully developed frontal lobe. I mean, can't confirm that, but I think I do.
[13:39] Speaker B: We all remember that, right?
[13:41] Speaker A: I like to think that. So what I'm saying, though, is I have not had social media for ten years, and I made that choice when I had my kids for different reasons, which that could be a whole other episode. So anyway, for my business now, I got Instagram. Instagram. And here I am. And I go in, and I literally I know this. I'm like, you know, you're gonna you're going to have these dopamine hits. It's going to want you to want more and more. And here I am five days in, and I'm exhausted because that constant firing in my brain of learning the new things. I mean, let me tell you, I did not even know the difference between a post, a story, a real. I didn't even know any of these things. So not only learning all this stuff, but I'm getting all these dings and notifications and hearts and, oh, they like me. Or how come only five people wanted to be my follower today? And it's so many things. And so I hit this low, and I literally spend the afternoon crying because my body was like, what is happening? You know, like you were firefighter, fire. And then I got that opposite reaction of that low, low, low. And here I am as someone that is super mature as I thought in this world when it comes to social media, and I was hit just as hard as any other person. And so for me, it just gave me this insight for this young brain that, you know, they're not even mindful of, that this is going to be a chemical process and that it's going to be a low and high and all these things. And so I can only imagine how they feel. And I sat down. I literally cried, like I couldn't even control myself. And so then I think back to my own children when they're on video games for an extended period of time. And because you mentioned video games, my kids don't have tablets or anything yet, but they do have Chromebooks at school and whatnot. But when they're on video games for an extended period of time and then they get off, they are monsters because they're having that same reaction. And I didn't connect that literally until this year, until I went through my process. That okay. If I felt so bad after my new experience of social media, and that dopamine hit, and that over stimulation, that over firing, now I'm connecting. That's why my child is a monster after being on the video game for an extended period of time, whatever that is, you know, and now it's almost like you can't even blame the child because it's a full on chemical reaction. It's not like they're choosing to feel that way that is happening whether they like it or not. And that is what crazy to me.
[16:16] Speaker B: Crazy. Thank you for sharing that. Wow, that is so it's so real, I guess is the best way I can just like somebody else.
[16:31] Speaker A: And it's funny because friends of mine have been like, we should do a study on you. You're a millennial that doesn't have social media. And now that I do, I feel like there should be a study on me now too. But I feel like I ring true with so many of these people that are starting new to it. And I feel like I can speak on that in relation to the youth that are just being handed these devices with the social media. This is where I think christie this is where I think the impact I think that for parents, we have this responsibility to be the one that is going to help regulate and balance and help educate our children. So that when they do go through this roller coaster of emotion and dopamine hits and dopamine lows and all the things that we can support them and help them have a healthy habit, in.
[17:24] Speaker B: Regards to social media, Absolutely, yeah, I think it's kind of cool absolutely. What you shared. But then also, and don't take this the wrong way, but you were like almost a science experiment in a way.
[17:40] Speaker A: Which I love actually. I'm like kicking out over that.
[17:43] Speaker B: Yeah, it was like a total experiment. But to your point that as an adult who has a developed brain and moral compass and is mature, that you're able to step back and say, whoa, wow, look at that effect. Like, I don't want that to happen and I'm going to do what I can to not have that happen again. Keeping in mind that children don't know any better, like, that hasn't all been developed for them. So I guess that leads us into what can we do for them so that they know that that's not all normal, right? So that they will have that moral compass when they end up hopping onto these social media apps and there's all these different influence and influences and things that are pulling them in, et cetera.
[18:30] Speaker A: And to help them to connect when they're feeling bad. That it's not because it's them being like feeling bad, that it's actually a reaction to their choice in their actions and to ride that out versus feeling uncomfortable in that low and then making drastic choices to try to get back up. So that will kind of bring us into a little bit about like kind of risk versus benefit. Now, social media and you mentioned this earlier, there's not all bad with social media, right? No, but there's definitely risks and benefits. This is just a good topic just even as a family, because every family's reality and truth are different. And so when we talk about the risk and benefit and when you analyze that for your family versus everyone else's family and what everyone else is doing, you have to take into consideration, I think, a couple of key things. And we talked about this, Chrissy, when we were doing our discovery call. And a couple of the risks were the cyberbullying, obviously, the addiction, the depression, which is the mental health, suicide, selfesteem issues. So those are the risks, right. And then we have the benefits, meaning like you were saying, socialization, their social group. It's a great tool for creativity enhancing your relationships. And so considering both sides, I think when you're making these choices of how to balance the healthy social media habits in your family, I think you have to really talk to your kids and figure out, OK, well, how much of this, how far asks whether are you being bullied, do you feel depressed? Do you feel like you can't put your phone down and that kind of stuff. And then you have to think about or do you go towards maybe it's just I'm just on it with my friends mom, that's how we make plans and or, you know, this is how I get together and we do our school projects and that kind of stuff. And so I think you have to really map out your family and your kids before. And that comes with having conversations with your children, which is, I think probably maybe you would agree, Chrissy, probably step one, and we need to have these conversations with our children. I'm going to be giving you a phone. It comes with a lot of responsibility and it actually causes, you know, it comes with talking about their brains and to them what's going on and saying, hey, when you're feeling a little bit low, like, please tell me because I will help you. Let's talk about what you did that day or what happened and we'll try to map it out so that you can understand your body and things like that. But I'm going to not be the leader in this particular. What would you advise now that you've lived with some teenagers? So I'm sure you've made some changes in your own household and things that are just like reasonable everyday choices that could benefit an average family.
[21:28] Speaker B: Sure. So Jamie, I think you alluded to it. Communication. I mean, that's number one, right? Like having these conversations before these problems arise, it's about prevention. So if the time comes and you decide as a family that your child or children are ready for a phone, that's going to come with, let's say a family meeting, sit down, set the expectations from the start, right. Be in touch and understand and know what your kids are doing on their phones. It's not free will. Here's your phone. Here you go. In our house, we say it's a privilege and we do believe that parents own the phone. Let's say children are leasing them or borrowing them. So I think that's pretty big. Right. And at any point in time, again, in setting your expectations excuse me, if that child or children can't prove that they can use it responsibly, well, sorry, your lease is up for a little while. Right. And maybe there's a consequence. Hopefully there is. So I think, again, establishing those expectations, communicating and setting rules sorry, go ahead.
[22:43] Speaker A: No, but I wanted to say and also I'd be interested in hearing what they think would be a normal like if you ask your children, like, hey, what would your guidelines be? What would your normal flow would be? What would you think be reasonable for the day to day for our family? I think I'd be interested in hearing I think maybe they would surprise us and I think maybe even giving them the floor first, they actually may be more as strict than what your guidelines were. Hallelujah. Right.
[23:17] Speaker B: I love that idea. Because if you do that with even when you ask your kids what they think their consequences should be, you know, social media and technology aside, you know, to your point, I think they sometimes come in with some real strict consequences and rules. So, yeah, open it up to them, get their thoughts. They might feel like they have more ownership over it. But again, setting those expectations, knowing they may have to earn some things, having those guidelines around time, around the amount of applications. So, let's see, there's three social media applications that are most popular with teens, as we know right now. It's YouTube, Instagram and Snapchat, and there's several others. If your child wants to download five social media apps, maybe you come to a compromise, maybe it's two. Let's get started. Why do we have to aim for five right off the bat?
[24:21] Speaker A: I think that's amazing. I think that's so compromised. And also, think of it this way. Like, if you're going to start playing basketball, you're not going to throw your child on the court and play a full game and being like, you've got this. I know you do. When they've never played before. It's all about the ease into it. You got to teach them. You have to show them. You give them small opportunities and build.
[24:45] Speaker B: Absolutely, yes, without a doubt. And just to piggyback on that, too, it comes with the responsibility. So if you have chores, if you have responsibilities in your home, once those are fulfilled or completed that afternoon, that evening by your child, maybe that is when they have the free time to use their phone instead of phone in hand all the time. Oftentimes we're in a society where it's like we either take something away or yeah, I guess that's what I'm getting at. Rather than, here's your reward, we take something away. So I like looking at it in terms of great job today, your homework is done, your chores are done. You've earned some time on your phone. That may be an approach that some families may want to consider.
[25:48] Speaker A: I love that. Add in with give them that phone versus taking it away because they've done something good rather than showing up and yelling and saying, you've been on your phone too long, your bets not made, your homework's not done, and then yank the phone out of their hands, right? That is such great. So it's setting that initial boundary even before they get that phone to say, here's the deal. The phone is mine until I go upstairs, I see your chores are done and your homework is done, and then I'm, like, so grateful and happy to give you that gift, and then you continue on. I mean, gosh, that day to day would be so much nicer than the other option, right?
[26:27] Speaker B: Absolutely. Let's be real. We're going to have those times, right, where we just kind of take it away and we're going to be yelling. But that's where the expectations come into play. There is no perfect world, right? So we will have those moments. But if you establish those, if they know the rules, if you're on the same page and there's a routine in your home around it, then I think it may be a little easier in that you don't have to scream and yell and instead it's a question. Well, did you finish your chores? Is your homework done?
[27:02] Speaker A: Right. It's an understanding.
[27:03] Speaker B: Do you have your phone then? Yes or no? Yeah, it's an understanding. The idea of the phone going to sleep and going to bed when your children are getting ready to go to sleep and go to bed. And I don't know if you want to get into that now, Jamie, but that's like a huge thing in our home, and we've found it to be pretty successful in the rules around that timing, time of day, et cetera.
[27:31] Speaker A: I think this is a huge deal because just even in life, nothing good happens in the middle of the night, right? So let's say your child is like, they can't sleep or something, and then they have this access to their phone and they just get started and, you know, nothing nor nothing transpires in the middle of the night is a good thing. So I think having that just shut down time every night for your family, just even for their brains to take a break and then also for you to take a break and not have to worry, like, are they on their phones? What are they doing now? It's nighttime. Are they sleeping? Are they not?
[28:08] Speaker B: Right?
[28:09] Speaker A: I think that's monumental. And especially in youth, they need their sleep. And there's so many distractions from sleep between friend issues and even just the notifications and then stress and worry about school. And there's just so many reasons. So we don't need the cell phone to be another one. And I think that nighttime rule established from the get go is huge.
[28:36] Speaker B: Huge. And the recommendation is no technology or no electronic device an hour before you go to sleep. I'm even more of a stickler for a little bit longer than that, just given the day and how full it is. And I think that if your child goes to bed at nine, I think that that phone needs to be away at least an hour, an hour and a half before that oftentimes you're going to get from your teens, as I'm sure many of you have. Well, I need it in my room because I have to set my alarm. Okay, well, that's a hard one sometimes, but what we found to work in our house is, well, we will set an alarm for you or you can laugh at this, but how about the old school route and how about an old school alarm clock? So there's a work around that. But yeah, phone goes on the counter and it's on the charger. And if it's not because we have some teams around here that like to sneak it in the bedroom on the weekend and their excuses while it's the weekend. But yeah, again, a little bit here and there, but we tend to because it's part of the routine. You get out of the routine and then it allows for some of the behaviors and such. So I usually just repeat like, well, what's the rule? Where should the phone be? And if you go back to, again, the expectation, it's more of a question than a yelling argument.
[30:21] Speaker A: I think you're on point with that and that it's a question versus a yelling point. And I think routine being established is huge because we even know that in ourselves, right. The second we stop exercising or going to the gym, even if it's only a week and you're like, it's fine, I'll go back next week, it just sets off a new trajectory. And that's not something you don't want that when it comes to the cell phone use. And you don't want that for yourself because then you get lack of basical because you're like, oh, whatever, it's fine, it's the weekend. And all of a sudden they think, well, mom and dad think it's whatever. And so you're right, that's a bad precedent. And I think routine is huge for that age group in general.
[30:58] Speaker B: Sure, yeah, absolutely. And mom and dad, where mom and dad doing too, because that's something that we haven't touched on yet and I think it's pretty important, right, in anything. We want to model good behavior. Parenting class 101. I think we've all heard it before if we've had a chance to read a book or go to a parenting class because, well, there's really no book on it, but things that we'll always hear is model, model good behavior. Right. So the habits that your children see in you are what they're going to think is okay. And they're going to want to. Replicate. So I think a good check in is like, what are your social media habits as an adult, as a parent, as a professional? Is it getting in the way of your work life, home life? And I have certainly caught myself in too deep into Instagram in the evening, and I'm like, what am I doing? What am I doing? It pulls you in, and we want to be careful of that too, like, right. The thing that we spoke about earlier and, like, what are some of the warning signs or risks that we want to look for in our kids? And, you know, I mentioned the attention concentration, but we started off mentioning mental health. And I think that that's, like, a huge, huge factor and that, you know, how are your children acting? Like, what are their spirits? We have to watch for that because social self harm and suicide not for every kid. You know, I don't want to put the fear factor out there, but it's definitely things to look for. You know, kids selfworth, what's their mood about? Are they isolating? We really have to do the best job that we can to pull them out of that, right? Pull them out of their rooms. Pull them too. It's like, okay, you're on the couch, you're watching TV for kids, and you're on your phone, and it's a beautiful day. Turn the TV off and let's get you outside. There's that physical health piece that affects us mentally as well. So I think that all aspects of health, if we're not careful, we can go down that dark road of electronics and social media.
[33:40] Speaker A: And I also think something to be said about the social media and self worth and all those things. I think this is an important conversation, and it goes hand in hand with the parents responsibility when giving their child these devices, is to shed light on the reality of social media versus actual in person reality and to give them that confidence that what's going on on your phone is not a reality. It's the best of the best of the best of the best. And so if you feel yourself comparing yourself to this social media app or whatever it is or whatever, whoever, you're following that, that's your first sign to be like, that's not reality. It's not serving me. So what choices do I have? I can stop following them, or I can take a break from that app and educating them that they have choices, that they don't just have to sit and continue on the same app that all their friends are and all they're doing when they are feeling that it's not serving them. And so I think a parent, it's establishing the rules in the home, and it's also, like, getting real with them, and this is what it's going to be like. So when you're feeling bad, this is when you have to make a choice. And I'm here for you and I'm going to help you through it and I will logically help you understand what's happening with yourself right now because this is where we need to interject. Now, I need to say when you see these patterns of your kids and stuff like that, ask them, get real with them, ask the hard questions that's right. And give them the hard realities of their situation, you know, because they don't see past what their friends picture.
[35:14] Speaker B: They don't.
[35:16] Speaker A: And we do. Right. Normally, I mean, even ourselves, even as moms, you compare yourself to other beautiful family pictures and all the things and even in those moments you need to realize what's serving you, what's not. When you start to have these lows and you're noticing changes in yourself or in your child, it's time to go and interject and talk and educate and yes, absolutely.
[35:40] Speaker B: I know there is that education piece for sure. Right. We educate think about the things that we have to educate our kids on when they become of age, of when they start seeing and hearing about alcohol and vaping and cigarettes and you name it. We have to educate on the facts. That's usually how those conversations start. Right. Asking your kids, did you know that alcohol has this effect on the brain? Did you know? Right. So it's kind of the same thing. It might not be a chemical, but it is social media technology. It is affecting our state of mind, it's affecting us mentally, emotionally, and the whole makeup of our chemistry and our thinking, our behaviors. So treat it as that in that we have to educate our kids on the effects and the consequences. So if you make this choice, this could happen. This could happen in social media. If you go to this strange website and give out your personal information, this could happen and you could be in major danger, right?
[36:57] Speaker A: Right.
[36:58] Speaker B: So important awareness, education, conversations. I recently had a friend share that her daughter had gotten herself into a situation where a stranger had shot of her and she got involved in communicating with this person. Turned out it was an adult. Very, very scary. I will say the situation turned out just fine and she was safe. But wow, what a call to home.
[37:33] Speaker A: Are the days where it's not your kid or your kid won't do that. I mean, every child that has a phone has these access to these apps and Internet and all that. They all have the same access as everybody else and they have all the same reach from those other people as anyone else. And so gone are the days where it's not your kid or it's not your kid will never click that button or whatever because they are children and they just it's well, let me see what's next. What's next? There's some part of your kid that you can't just that's where the managing and paying attention and the responsibility as a parent also comes in. So it's a lot, it's a big decision for a family. And as I'm talking about it, I'm approaching this stage and I'm like, yeah, we're good with the flip phone for a while.
[38:23] Speaker B: It's a good starting point, right? Yeah.
[38:28] Speaker A: It's just a big responsibility in all facets. And quite frankly, I just don't feel like across the board we don't have a full handle on it, even in our own personal with our own devices and things. Like I said, I just had my own recent experience and I'm still learning. So the fact that I'm going to be responsible for teaching this to a child when I'm still learning, it's a little scary. And so I think that this type of conversation like we're having Christie today, and I think the conversations that, you know, if your school promotes a social media healthy habit forum or something like, let's educate ourselves. Let's get the language down. Let's know what's out there. Let's not just pretend that we have it under control when we don't, you know, and then we can help each other out and we can be a part of the same community with other parents to keep our kids in the know and to keep up and keep them safe.
[39:24] Speaker B: Oh, yes, without a doubt. Thanks for adding all that, Jamie. So important. I think if we look at it as our kids really aren't ready, they really aren't to hand them a phone with, just free reign. So how can we get them there and before we get them there, it might be starting them with a flip phone, right? It might be getting them just the you know, and my apologies, I don't know what the name of some of these phones are where she's a colleague, had just shared because her kids were entering middle school, she didn't feel they were ready, but she did get them a phone where they could take calls and text. Because, again, when we think about the positive benefits to a phone, where sometimes we do need our kids to have a phone to stay in touch and know where they're at, we may need to know where to pick them up and what time and such. So phones can be helpful in that regard. But my colleague had made the decision not to hand over, I guess, a smartphone to her kids, but they have the ability to call, text, and I think they could search on the Internet, but it didn't have the ability to download any social media apps. I thought that was a really good way to start off. And again, it's about earning that trust, earning that responsibility. Let's see how you do with this and then we'll have a conversation to see if we can upgrade you to the next right.
[41:07] Speaker A: You know what? I think that having those options and I think that there's so many people out there that see this or see the lack of balance in going all the way in with an iPhone or even just having the flip. Phone that maybe there needs to be a balance of, like well, if they're in school, they might need the Internet, but then there's no app that can be on the phone. So I'm sure there are more options out there. I personally don't know all the options either, Christie, but I would really hope that if you are a parent in that stage, that you would ask the other parents and do the research and see your options, because we do have choices. And, again, when you assess your family, you want to know all the choices because you want to know which one matches your situation and forget about all the other families and what they're doing. Right. Because I do know that there's different options as well. I don't know the names either, but I think at the end of the day here, after all this information, it's something to sit with and really think about and to say, okay, my family and start with myself. What's my habits? You know, what's working for me, what's not working for me? And how am I showing my kids this? And then also and then going to what works for them and acknowledging your kids and their habits and different things that you know will benefit them or not. And then making those choices and then having those conversations and then implementing the guidelines and the expectations and then always reassessing too, because, like I said, that spectrum of the benefit and the risk. You could be in the benefits one year and then be teetering in the risk the next year or the next month. And so they keep circling back and having those conversations, too, and checking in. And I think there's so much hope in parenting and everyone wanting to do this well. And so if we just keep these conversation going with each other as well. That's why I appreciate you, Chrissy, because when you mentioned long ago that this was the subject that you wanted to talk about, I was like, oh, gosh, everyone's going to be biting at this, because I think there's a little bit of disconnect and truly knowing that that's the route.
[43:24] Speaker B: Right? Yeah. And it's going to be different, like you've kind of pointed out, it's going to be different for every family, right. What are your needs? So, you know, I'm certainly not here to tell you that this is the way, but this just to throw out ideas and have this conversation like we have. Amy is great. I love the idea you pointed out, like, connect with other parents, just learn from each other. This is hard. This is not easy. Parenting is hard, right.
[43:58] Speaker A: Christy, thank you so much for all this information, and I will absolutely be having you back. There's no question in my mind about it because there are more topics and just from your expertise in mental health. And there's mental health so complex, and even with social media, this topic is so complex and there's so much more to add and we could spend so much more time. But in this moment, I have to thank you. And also I want to just say goodbye.
[44:30] Speaker B: Jamie it was my pleasure. I would love to come back. And thanks for getting this conversation started. Subscribe our channel.
