On Growth Mindset and Releasing Control with Artist and Popular Social Media Influencer, LaNia Roberts

With now 300K+ social media followers and counting, artist and influencer, LaNia Roberts, brings her inspirational spirit to Kristina's doorstep once more! In this interview, they tackle the scarcity mindset and tools to overcome it, how to have and KEEP a growth mindset, how to give yourself permission to acknowledge how far you’ve come, and regression as being a part of growth. Thank you for continuing to join us on this ongoing unpacking and journey where we reveal the ebbs and flows of learning and growing into one's greatest self.

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Identify if there has been growth in your life
• If you are have a growth or scarcity mindset and what to do about it
• Learn how to give yourself permission to acknowledge the personal work you have done
• Understand the courage it takes to unpack your experiences and know that you will greatly benefit from it
• Have the courage to let go of things and people that might be keeping you in a scarcity mindset
• Understand just how your inner narrative impacts your mindset which creates your outer world, in other words, "Believe in it to achieve it"!
• Let go of control to make space for what you truly want.
• Be accepting of the unknown because it is here where we meet our heart's desires

About LaNia

LaNia Roberts, born in 1996 and hailing from Louisville, KY, discovered a profound means of self-expression in visual art amidst her early struggle with identity. Supported by numerous scholarships as a first-generation college student, she obtained a degree in Painting at Syracuse University's Visual and Performing Arts School in 2019. During this time, LaNia also traveled to over 12 countries across three continents, furthering her already broadening horizons. Presently, she resides in Louisville, KY, fully engaged as a professional artist. Her practice has also expanded into an online-based social art practice, empowering millions worldwide to embody radical self-compassion, love, and acceptance, with over 270,000+ followers between Instagram and TikTok. Most notably, her artistic endeavors have garnered her the representation of the esteemed Claire Oliver Gallery in Harlem, New York City.

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Website

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Transcript

Kristina: 0:05

Hey everyone, it's Christina Driscoll host of this she's brave Podcast. I'm so glad you're here with me. I did not start out brave at all. But I learned that we can do brave things, one small step at a time. After caregiving for my husband and son for 12 years, it was definitely time for my next chapter. I wanted to get brave women's voices out there in the world. And more importantly, I want all of you to have the courage and the resilience to live your best authentic life. So come along with me and learn how to live your best life. And I want you to hear the brave voices of women all around the world. Hey, everyone, it's Christina with the she's brave podcast. She's back. Lanai Roberts is here with me today. Hi. She's an artist and a powerful social media influencer. How many followers? Are you up to these days? Girl?

Unknown: 1:28

Oh my gosh, with Instagram and Tiktok. combined. It's getting up towards 300,000.

Kristina: 1:36

Oh my gosh, every time we talk, it's going up. Oh, yeah.

Unknown: 1:41

I have 103. I broke through the two hundreds. I have 203,000 followers on Instagram right now. And on tic tac I have around almost 75,000, I believe. Yeah, that's so cool. I can't even fathom I'm just like, what does that mean? That's why Oh, yeah.

Kristina: 2:01

Well, this is our third time talking. And I just listened to the edited version of our second conversation. It's just unbelievably powerful when we get together. And one of my friends I mentioned to you listen to our first episode and loved it so much that she had to listen to it twice and take notes. I love it. Like

Unknown: 2:20

that means the world.

Kristina: 2:24

Yeah, it was a very favorite episode out of all my episodes. So yeah, no, it was impressive. Yeah, I was just gonna say, as we both know, you're just so incredibly inspiring. You're an inspiring role model to women all around the world. So today, you guys, we're going to be talking about scarcity mindset, and powerful tools of how to overcome it. Yeah, we're talking about growth mindset, how to have it, how to keep it, and how to give yourself permission to acknowledge how far you've come. And we're going to talk about regression as being part of growth. So we got a lot to unpack today, we'll get through some of it, or maybe all of it, we'll see. But we're gonna dive in right now. So Linnea, I just, I can't be you. But I'm going to pretend to be you. I just want to read one of one of your posts that I found just crazy inspiring. And then we're just gonna we're gonna chat a little bit about it. Okay, you ready? I'm ready. And this is you? Has there been growth? I didn't ask how much growth? I asked has there been growth? Yes, or No question, I need an answer. And if the answer is yes, I'm going to need you to chill, chill out, chill, the tears, chill, the stress, chill all that stuff out. That's coming from your high expectations for you to always be perfect. Or whatever your expectations are and ask yourself, have you grown? Have you compared to yesterday, compared to last year? And whatever the answer is, especially if it's a yes. Really, if it's a yes, I'm gonna need you to clap your hands and celebrate with yourself. Because if there's been growth, guess what that means? There's gonna be more growth. Because I don't know about you all. But around these parts, we stay determined, okay, I'm giving you permission. That backwards moment when you step backwards when you fall back, is used for momentum, whether you realize it or not, for your story to continue on and move further. So don't give up. I'm telling you right now. It's worth a journey to keep your head up and have that mustard seed of faith that things can grow and get better. Yes, I love it. So, so much.

Unknown: 4:52

When you were talking just now in my head, I was just like, yeah, that was definitely a whole lot more sass. When I said Yeah, I know. Yes. Are you with me? Yeah. Oh, like, Oh, yes. That's that's definitely another way to deliver the message. That's for sure. That was great. That was great.

Kristina: 5:11

Yeah, I can't quite be as sassy as you. But that's okay. I'm me. You're you. And we were beautiful together, I wanted to add a quote to the end of this whole topic. Because this is really cool to the person you'll be in a few years and is counting on you. The person you were five years ago is cheering you on the life you'll one day be living is waiting for you. In the moments where it feels easier to give up. Don't forget, you're not just moving for you in this moment. You're doing it for every version of yourself. Isn't that incredible? I never thought of it that way. But yeah, look at your past self. Like I look at my past self and go, that person would have been like she doing she's podcast. She's helped the top two and a half percent glow. Like, and we're doing it for that person in the past. And we're doing it for that person in the future, too.

Unknown: 6:09

I just had a birthday this weekend. And at my birthday dinner, one of my friends asked me she was like, So how was 26. And I just turned 27. And she was just like, how was the 26 year and I was just like, if I could use one word to describe it, I would use the word restoration. Because this year was just so restorative for me. And I just went back in every area of my life, where I once thought I would never get back up out of my depression that I experienced, especially after graduating from college back in 2019. And every area of my life, there has been so much growth, and so much restoration, to where I'm just so grateful to God thank you God, for creating my life in a way in which things that I was so doubtful in the past about about ever becoming the version of myself I always dreamed to be. Or being able to live on my own, I struggled, I struggled with my identity, I struggled living back at home with my parents feeling like a kid again. And I struggled with my identity as an adult, I struggled with just being so overwhelmingly impacted by self sabotage, and a lack of self worth. And just not feeling like I deserved anything good. Not even if I had actually put in the work for it, right. And when I would put in the work for it, and I would receive it, I would have that kind of mindset in my mind of like, I'm not doing enough, you're not enough just to combat the parts of me, that did the work. Because underneath it, I just felt so unworthy of it in the first place. And I'm still working through those things. I'm still working through those parts of me that learned from a young age that you're not worthy, you won't receive X, Y and Z just like I'm still working through those parts. But I think back to that version of myself, when I would be in bed. And I would ask God, why did you wake me up this morning, I don't want to be here anymore. You know, I'm so confused on what my life is supposed to be, and who I'm meant to be, and how I'm gonna get there. And I'm so convinced that I'll never get there to a point where it's just like, This is so tiring. I don't want this anymore. And I know that's really, really sad. And I'm sorry if that triggers anyone that's listening. But I just want to be honest about where I was. And it was so hard for me to envision a life where I actually won the battle, where I would actually get out of my own way and see my greatness come to life. It was very, very difficult for me to imagine that. And so I look back on those times I thought the world would never see my smile again. I thought I'd have to fake through for the rest of my life. I just felt so defeated. And I was constantly having the words of close friends that were abusive and mentally and emotionally like, I would have words that were spoken to me over and over again. Just going through my mind words that a professor would have said to me or just like things that made me feel so unworthy. And just so defeated. Those words would just can constantly roll in my mind. And so I look back at that time in my life. And I talked to her, and I take her with me, and I show her, Oh my gosh, like, look at what we've been able to accomplish, look at what we've been able to do. Now, acknowledging myself isn't as easy as I'm speaking right? In this moment, it's hard to acknowledge ourselves and how far we've come. Generally, it takes a lot when you've learned not to celebrate yourself, when you've learned to be so hard on yourself, to take out the time to actually really reflect and celebrate yourself. But it's so important to implement that into your practice, at certain points, even if it's that mustard seed, right, just a moment in time, where you take a moment, and you just hold that version of yourself that part of you what they had no idea how you would ever be able to experience XY and Z do XY and Z, you take her by the hand, you take him by the hand, you take them by the hand, and you show them your life. And you show them how far not you come. But both of you have come and, and so I just said to say that the growth that I've experienced in my life has been so beautiful, so amazing. But at one point, I really didn't believe that I was going to ever, ever get out of bed ever get through that depression. And so I'm a walking testimony that truly, truly by the grace of God, you have to keep going. And one of the ways that you can continue to grow quickly, is through states of compassion, and gentleness, and generosity towards yourself and others. And all of those things are practice. When you look back, and you take time to spend time with yourself, and celebrate yourself for how far you've come. No matter how many mistakes you make on a daily basis, when you take out the time to look back and really affirm yourself. It increases your momentum, it gives you a little bit more gas in your tank to keep going. And so yeah.

Kristina: 12:12

Oh, so beautifully said which actually just transitions so beautifully into our next topic, which I'm going to be quoting you again, I can't do it a sassy, as you know, many Juicy, juicy points. So in this one, it's about regression and growth. So here we go. Regression is a part of growth. Yep, I said it, sometimes you're going to take steps backwards in your process of moving forward. And guess what, that's okay. Nobody's screaming at you. Well, I don't know what's happening in your life. But no one should be screaming at you for taking backward steps during your process of growth. Because guess what? It's a part of it. Actually, we should expect and start expecting ourselves to make more mistakes as a part of our journey to trying to grow and become better versions of ourselves while we're doing it. Because guess what, you guys, it's inevitable to make mistakes, it's inevitable to fall back and regress. So what do we do now that we've regressed? Do we beat ourselves up? Do we be mean to ourselves? Well, that's one option. You can do that if you want. But I think that if we get back up quicker than we fall, if we're not beating ourselves up, while we're trying to get up again, and again, it's just so important that we recognize that in order for an arrow to go forward. What direction does it have to be pulled in? It has to be pulled backwards. I love that analogy. Linnea. And I love permission to make mistakes, because I had kind of a day yesterday a little bit to where I was like, Is this what I should be doing? And we're always going to have times when we doubt ourselves like it, that's part of it. Or we make mistakes, we go backwards like I'm teaching my first podcasting class, those poor 70 souls, man, they're just going through all my mistakes with me. But it has to be done. It has to be done.

Unknown: 14:24

Absolutely, in order for it to be accomplished, to be made. And thank you so much for sharing that quoted video. I did not create the arrow analogy by far. I don't know where exactly I heard it. I think there was a pastor named Jackie Hill, Perry. I believe I got that right. And she had mentioned something about an arrow. I don't think it was in that form. But it reminded me of that one quote that I heard somewhere somehow about that backwards.

Kristina: 14:59

I'd never I heard it before. And it's so cool how you pull an arrow backwards. In order for it to go forwards. I do love, it's just beautiful momentum,

Unknown: 15:08

it gives it momentum power, just in the beginning, when I was talking about that year, that really terrible here for my mental health back in 2019. That was that backwards for right. And perhaps my story, and the success that God is bringing me into, perhaps it wouldn't have the power of a throw, if I didn't have that super grounding experience, and relatable experience of hey, at one time, I could barely get out of bed, you know what I mean? It took me I really didn't even realize that the world would see my smile again, that is just like that literally pulls right, the story backwards and gives it even that much more force. And so I think that if you're experiencing really harsh times right now, or really harsh experiences, making space, right? Because perhaps, perhaps this arrow just keeps going backwards forever. And the arrows, you know, the both snaps, you know what I mean? Like, sometimes not every experience in life is pretty, I make space for the possibility of negative possibilities. And so many words like I don't want to be delusional and think like, everyone's experience will lead to a positive ending. But I think it's so important to once again that muster See, make space for the possibility, what you're experiencing right now, being that momentum that will one day, push you forward, beyond any kind of range that you thought that you were capable of going towards. And I I look back. And I think about my experiences, and I think about growth. And I'm remembering so deeply, how important it has been in my life, to affirm the positive possibilities for my future, right? I don't think I would have the life that I have right now. Had I ever had an negative experience in my life, and wholeheartedly believed that it wouldn't be working for my good. I would actively affirm that this thing that is happening to me, although it hurts Oh, so dearly. It must be happening for me. And it there's a part of it that you have to put in God's hands where it's just like, I don't even know how it's possible for it to be happening for me, right? And then there's a little percentage I say about 20%. Right, I give the ad to God. And I think about the 20 for myself, and I think, Okay, if that's the case, and this is happening for me, what in my power can I do to turn this situation scenario into my benefit? Right? Okay, my car just got totaled. And the person that hit me didn't have insurance. And I didn't have the correct insurance either. I'm completely out of a car. How am I going to get from point A to point B to work to my studio to level up in my life? Oh, I think I have to stay the night at my studio, because there's no one that's able to give me daily rides and Ubers are too expensive. And I can't afford this. And I can't afford that. But if I keep going to the studio, I'll keep creating work, which will lead to more money in my pockets, right? So it's just like, sometimes you have to put yourself in that kind of moment where you're thinking ahead, and you are being as strategic as possible. And one of the ways that you can sit down and really download those new ideas and new ways of like, seeing your situations and thinking about ways to move through those situations, is through journaling. Literally talking about your experiences, being very completely honest with yourself about your feelings. This sucks. I hate this. I don't want to be in a situation. I don't know why this is happening. Who cares? If it sounds immature, who cares? If you're if you're having a crying fit, right? That's your time with yourself. But in that timing, being open and actively asking, right, not just being in victim mode, but asking the depths of yourself, right? I say God, right, but asking the depths of yourself. What do we do now though, right? What do we do now? Instead of just laying down and sitting down right? What do you do now? And your body has answers your spirit can respond to you. Like that's the most The beautiful thing, that's one of the things I love the most about my faith is that we genuinely believe that you can have conversations with God, like, God can respond directly to you in your spirit, right? So it's just like, there's so much information to really think about and experience the power of, and determining what to do now. And even when you regress, right, either when it's your fault, either when you take the misstep, right, and nobody's hit you, you hit yourself, you know what I mean? It's so important to have grace, we think about our biggest, inspiring people in the world. And usually we know about their biggest wins, but we don't necessarily know that every day miss, of what it took to get there. And a lot of people are straightforward, and they set the go, and they get it right, or they're so determined, and there's nothing necessarily wrong with them. But there's just things in their life that are getting away. Well, for me, I get in my own way, quite a few times, you know, like, I can be the cause of my own destruction at times I'm working on it, right. But I know that I'm not the only one. And if there's anybody out there that is also experiencing that, where it's just like, well, I keep getting in my own way. It takes time to realize how worthy you are of good beautiful things, when at one time, you were convinced for so long that you weren't worthy. It takes so much time to unlearn those things. And in the process, there will be regression. And where this idea first came to me was that I listened to an audio book called addicted to unhappiness. And yes, it's by of Caesar, I don't know the first names, but there are two authors. And their last names are Piper PIEP. Er, they're both doctors. And the book is amazing. And in the book, they talked about the fact that regression not only as a part of growth, it's inevitable, you're going to regress. So instead of being upset at yourself, for the regression that you've experienced, actually just expect it so that when it comes up, you use it as a marker to not only just beat yourself up of like, oh, my gosh, I could have done so much better. But instead to realize, oh, my gosh, I could have done so much better. On this journey. I'm on that, oh, my gosh, I've gotten so far on because I've decided to quit that drug to not talk to negative people to start on this health journey. Right? You can't regress, if you aren't moving forward. If you're staying in the same place, it's not possible to step back, because you're just in the same place love, it can only regress when there has been growth. And so when you regress, instead of beating yourself up for it, you can actually use that as a marker for a moment in time to see just how far you've come because it's impossible to have regression if there hasn't been growth. And if you haven't been trying, and if you haven't been succeeding, or try. You can't regress if you haven't had any kind of growth. So thank you for listening to all of that I had so much to say.

Kristina: 23:32

Yeah, you're just incredible. I mean, the whole regression thing just really spoke to me because yesterday, I felt like I was regressing. But through experience the same thing as you I have learned that, hey, it's a day of regression, or I'm taking a step back today, I'm going backwards. And I've learned that that's okay. That doesn't mean I can't continue on forward. But I just had never heard the arrow analogy, which I just love so much. And I wanted to share with you also that when I start my day in the morning, one of the things I do is I say a prayer and I asked God, what do I need to know today? I asked him that every morning. That's a beautiful practice. That's

Unknown: 24:15

beautiful. Yeah, like what is there to learn today, in fact of learning, you're bound to make mistakes. Because if you learn something that means at one point you didn't know it. Yeah, yeah. So it's so important. It's so important to give ourselves grace, as we learn is something that I think about, especially as a black woman that has gone to college, right? He's one of the first in our generation, and in her family to go to college. I didn't have anybody pushing me to go or preparing me for the journey, or whatever have you and I found myself really being extremely hard on myself in college. That's when mental health really started to bog me down because I was so hard on myself because I was constantly comparing myself to all these other students. just kind of seemed like they were like just breezing on by, then when I started to really get to know them, I end up learning Oh yeah, my mom did this, or I've been practicing this since then, or, oh, you know, from my parents or my great grandmother that we've all had our degrees or whatever it is so rare. It's just like, oh my gosh, I'm comparing myself to people who have been prepared for this journey. And I haven't, and that's when the word and the term Grace once again, that's why I love my face so much, because it really caused me to have to really learn and research, right? What does grace mean? And what does it mean to practice it in your life, right. But that's when I really started to kind of figure it out that perhaps I deserved a little bit more grace than I was giving myself. So once again, I wouldn't have been experiencing those hardships, had I not took on the journey to grow in that way and learn in in the first place. And so, yeah, that's just something I'm like thinking about, like thinking back on all these different moments of progression. And I do have to say this, too, when it comes to regression. And when it comes to these negative moments in our lives, I don't think we understand how useful those moments are, as tools for God to use in our lives or whatever you believe in, for example, you might have woken up late for your meeting or your class, but on the way to class, you ended up missing a turn, right. But in the midst of that, as you were walking to class, once you got on campus, you ended up running into your next best friend, you ended up running into a new experience or new person who introduced you to this experience, or this person, like, all of these negative things that we are completely overwhelmed about can actually be used still is sometimes are deliberately like done, in order to make sure those kinds of connections happen. So when we are making mistakes on those kinds of days, I think it's important to make space for the possibility even though you're frantic, and you're running behind or you've done something bad. I think it's so useful to make space in your mind for well, what if this is working for my good? What if this is leading? What if this is leading to something beautiful? And then you go back? It's so terrible, why am I so terrible? But do you make space though, right? That mustard seed? Give it that little moment of thought? What if this is working for me, not just doing something to me, you know, just like making room for that though, sauce is so important,

Kristina: 27:50

the word that comes to mind for to me as reframing, and I'm learning that too, when I have that down day where I'm like, is this what I'm supposed to be doing? Is this where I should be? Am I enough and all that stuff? I've gotten so much better about knowing that we are going to regress, right, that's just part of the process regressing is fine, and to be okay, in that space. And like what you said, this regression may actually lead to something even greater. And well, it is it's all part of the journey. It's all part of the journey to make us better, right? Absolutely.

Unknown: 28:28

Yeah.

Kristina: 28:30

Yeah.

Unknown: 28:31

You have to believe it, I think, truly believe it in order to achieve it. Like, it's so important to make space for those possibilities. Yeah, this is all just working out for my goods. That is something I repeat to myself. Yeah.

Kristina: 28:47

Which leads into and this is this kind of ties in to what we just talked about. So I want to talk a little bit about scarcity mindset. You've said Oh, no, don't you let that scarcity mindset get to you more is on the way. And I have been using that tool in my life to like yesterday, I just said to myself more is on the way. regressing today, I'm not having such a good day, but Marzano it's like so. Good.

Unknown: 29:20

Thank you. Yeah, that saying is something that I've really been using throughout the summer. Especially since I've been on my own for the first time since graduating college. I now have rent and bills and car payments and everything where there's certain moments where I'm just like, I don't know, I don't know how it's gonna work out this month, right? But I always say to myself, even with my knees shaking and knocking, I always say anything can happen. More is on the way.

Kristina: 29:51

Ah, I love that. So, so much anything can

Unknown: 29:55

happen more is on the way. And I just believe that so much. I believe that from Myself, I believe that for the people around me, it's just like, you never know what is possible in the near future. And it's so beautiful. Because in every month that I've said that where I've needed that something unexpected and beautiful and big hands up, and it's happened. I mean, it just I love it ridiculous miracles, right? Yeah. Like, oh, my God. I mean, there was a month, where I was just like, wow, I thought a paying sale would go through. And it's not like it's going to take much longer than I thought something has delayed it. That's how I was planning on paying next month's rent. And before the month had ended, I had received news that I got in a big grant here. Where I was receiving the check the day before the first of them. Oh, my

Kristina: 31:00

gosh, I love it. We're past the

Unknown: 31:02

15th of the month before, right? We're, we're past the 15th We're at the 20th. Right? I don't know what's going to happen at the end of this month. And in mind you I'm not even in town, right? I'm not even in the country. At this point. I'm at an art workshop abroad. Once again, I thought I had my ducks in a row. I thought everything was gonna work out and just everything just started breaking down. And I'm just like, oh my gosh, I don't know how this is gonna happen. And literally, I remember, it's the 20th I have to work this out. And I told myself Minaya more is on the way, ah, 10 more days. Anything can happen in 10 more days. I had no idea. No. Yeah. And it's so competitive to get it in the fact that I received. It's just like, wow, and I received it in that timing. Just amazing. Really amazing. So yeah, it's just like, you never know, you never know. But you have to know that. Even in the unknown. You're supported. Yeah, you matter, your struggles matter, that being accounted for. And once again, you're supported in those experiences, to a point where everything's gonna be okay. Yeah,

Kristina: 32:27

yeah. I love that. Okay, Lynn, I want to go back to this concept that we were talking about, of creating space, I have to admit to you, there's a side of me, that sometimes thinks more is better, go faster, do more, do more, do more, just go Go, go go. And that'll create results. And I want to share an example of that. So back when I was dating, you know, dating is hard. It's like a freakin roller coaster. It's like therapy on steroids, right? Like how much you learn about yourself through this whole experience of dating. And so I started out with more as better so I'm just gonna go on as many coffee dates as I can possibly squeeze into a day. This was before I met my husband. Because I thought more is better. I created zero room zero space in my wife when I wasn't taking any time to slow down to talk to God to maybe say some prayers or anything like that. No, no, no, I thought, it's the numbers game. If I go on X, many dates a week. I'm gonna find the guy. And then guess what happened. I burned out big time. I burned out. And so I said, I quit it. So I did I quit. I stopped trying. And I just turned it over to God. And a few months later, I met my now husband, Blake, who everybody gets to hear about, he's just this beautiful man who's just got this personality of a golden retriever. Like when when I'm having a bad day, he'll just say, you need a hug. And we did say a prayer together and he'll hold me and a hug and we'll pray together. It's just like the coolest thing ever. But that being said, I know you're in the dating world right now. And I just want to hear more about how that's going. Oh, now you're laughing?

Unknown: 34:21

No, I'm laughing at how I accidentally was just like, yeah, I am. Oh, my gosh, this summer. Okay, so I guess I could say I've had an experience during the spring or early summer. That really ignited some hope in me. I was like, Oh my gosh, I think it's time for me to start putting myself back out there. I'm ready to experience a new part of my life where I genuinely put myself out there and actively try to find some loving You know, and a lot of the dating pool is very casual these days, right? No one's exactly looking for anything too serious. And I've always been a serious gal. I've always been a kind of traditional and thoughts, in a sense. So I was just like the summer, I'm gonna check out to see if the casual realm of dating has any benefit to it, you know, if there's something I'm missing on, or like something I haven't tried? Well, I dated, I met plenty of guys this summer, where there might have been just a little bit of a spark or whatever, but nothing long lasting. And in the process, I've really, I've really learned some important life lessons. I really found a huge amount of lack of success in my trials and tribulations when it came to dating. And I thought that once again, like you said, quantity, quantity, I really thought it was just like, well, I'm meeting a lot of people. So at least one of them is going to be into me to want to stick around, you know what I mean? And I get to the end of the summer, and it's just like, I met so many people, and none of them are still in my room, I learned a couple of things. I ended up meeting a guy that was kind of ideal for me, the only thing that wasn't ideal is that he lived an hour away. But hey, it's just an hour. But even with that being said, super sweet. Oh my gosh, such a sweet man. So we vibe so well together. It was really amazing. But he just recently got in a relationship and wasn't looking for anything serious. And at that point, I realized long before I'm just like, this not serious thing is not working. I am a lover girl, officially, I can't do nothing but love like I can't do the cutting off and editing my emotions for anyone like I want love, I deserve love. And with that being said, I ended up realizing like, I wanted someone to treat me seriously, I wanted someone to take me seriously. And although the nature of our experiences together, was getting serious in terms of just you know the nature of our dates, and how we would spend time with each other, but I didn't want anyone that I would have to, like I said, edit myself around, I want someone to really give love to and receive love and return. With that being said, I was kind of talking to two different guys when I've been knowing but lives far far away. And the other that I recently found a really great connection with. And this past week before my birthday, I was just like, I think I need to tell these people I'm not interested because for both of them, they both had their reasons for not wanting anything serious right now or not being close enough to really dive into a serious relationship. And I was just like, I want someone to take me seriously now later on after I had the conversations and I broke things off with these guys. I was writing and I said, Oh, I just had to cut off these two guys. They were great, but it just wasn't gonna work. And then I had kept writing. And then later on, I was thinking about my art and just like trying to level up in that. And I was just like, Yeah, I just need to take myself more seriously. And I was just like, boom, I was just like, that was the tunnel that all of that low vibrational energy. Like literally like the experiences I experienced early on in the summer. Were just like, not my vibe, you know, it was not what I was wanting. And even later on in the summer, I was receiving more experiences that were more than a lot of what I was looking for. But still, they weren't looking for anything serious. So I was just like, oh my gosh, that's the tunnel. That's where they've been traveling through and in and out of my life like through this part of me. That hasn't been taking myself seriously. And I was having a conversation with a friend right before I cut these guys off. I talked to one of my girlfriends telling her the whole rundown of all my experiences with these two guys. How much I enjoyed them in my life how much I liked their presence. But how hard it's been just throughout the summer. In general keeping my confidence up.

Kristina: 39:54

Ya know, you're

Unknown: 39:55

after failure after failure.

Kristina: 39:57

That's with dating. It's hard To keep your confidence up, absolutely.

Unknown: 40:02

And so she said limb IAM, she said, You have to be careful in your life when it comes to trying to make something work in the wrong timing, because if you experience so many failures in one area of your life where it's just not the right timing, and you're just not ready for that at that moment, but you keep trying to force it and make it work, the more failures you'll get, the more your confidence will be heard. And the more you'll be put into a position where that sense of regression will start filtering into other areas

Kristina: 40:47

us such a great point.

Unknown: 40:50

So one of the biggest lessons I learned this summer, was please be careful of the kinds of journeys you go on in your life, where you're trying to make something work, and you keep finding failure. Take time in those failures, to take time to pause and reflect on what needs to shift and what needs to change. And also, if the cake is even ready to be pulled out. You know what I mean? Like if it's actually time for that to be read that area of your life to be ready in workout, right? This could be in your career, right? And be in any area in any area of life where you just keep finding failure, right? Take a step back and look at the parts of your life where there is it excessive failure going on, right? dive a little bit deeper in those successful areas. Right? This could you can have the relationship you and your of your dreams, but be struggling to make your first entrepreneurship business work, right. And it's taking a lot of stress while you keep trying to make that work. And what is that doing to your relationship? Right? Yep, connected, perhaps it's time to go a different route, right? Perhaps it's not the timing of you may need to learn more lessons. Before you're able to have that really big jump to where you're able to really succeed in that area, perhaps it's time to get a job in an area where you're comfortable. And maybe you don't love it, but it's comfortable. And it provides so that your relationship can still thrive right? Time. And it will be clear, when you pick things up again, it's okay to pause and rest and so many ways, right. And so I learned this summer, that I was trying to make the love work because I want love. I'm gonna love a girl. But I was meeting these guys that were just not my guys over and over and over again. And another lesson I learned was that, well, every guy is going to be the wrong one until you meet the right one. Yeah, three experiences is going to be perhaps not perhaps not a negative experience, but just not the experience until you meet the person. And so accepting certain levels of rejection and negative experience and accepting that those are going to happen along the way is really important in order to continue going. But at a certain point, it is time to ask oneself, is this working? Or am I forcing it? Yeah, if you're forcing it, take some time to dive into the areas where you are finding success. Because if you don't, in that correct timing, take that step and take that rest. The negative thing that could have happened was, I could have kept entertaining these guys. And eventually would have gotten my heartbroken because oh my god. Now I've been dating him for six months, and he still doesn't want to take me seriously. Man that could have ruined my competence and distract me so much more from my career, which is completely thriving right now. It has taken a toll on my friendships and those relationships in my life. Because what are we talking about every single time I catch up with them, right? Talking about the same grievance that I'm not growing from and I'm not getting out of. And so I say all that to say that take time to really look at the parts of your life that are successful, and also realizing that you do deserve the best and sometimes in order to receive the best. You have to have the right timing. Yeah, that it's not in your power. Yes. It's a part of your self worth. Yeah, wait for that timing to be correct. Yeah. Really before you go after what it is that you're really wanting. It's okay. To wait. It's okay to take a pause. It's okay is the belief that betters on the way in That's what you were saying before, where it was just like you thought the quantity was the answer. To stop that, and to just give it to God and have just

Kristina: 45:12

what I did just gave it to God. And I literally even just got off the dating apps,

Unknown: 45:17

that takes so much they they take so much bait did it.

Kristina: 45:22

And yet it felt really, really good. You just felt like a big relief, because I think sometimes we're trying so hard and so desperately to control something. And I think God's trying to tell us let go of the control right now it's time for you to let go and then create some space because there's no space for somebody to come into your life right now. No, I think that's what was going on with me. There wasn't space, and I needed to create space with myself with God. And then that beautiful man who became my husband couldn't could appear space,

Unknown: 46:00

at least see someone that really quick because that's another thing that I've been thinking about in this decision recently to just like, Stop, just stop, like, just literally cut everything off. So I realized, like, I'm just like, Okay, I'm talking to these guys right now. And it's just like, what space? Are they taking up? Yeah, that could potentially be room for someone that would.

Kristina: 46:37

And you know what, you can apply that not just to dating, but in general, like your whole life and people that are super toxic. How much space and energy are they suck it out of you, costing you that's costing you your best life

Unknown: 46:54

that's causing you your best life and your best possible scenarios and situations to actually come your way? Like, what is taking up space for the things that you really want to come into your life. It's so important for us to ask ourselves this because truly, the way I see it, our lives are fix rooms. And I think sometimes we are moved to bigger rooms and better rooms. But the walls are solid. They're not expansive, they don't widen as things that in the room up so to speak, it's a fixed space, and only so much can fit in there at a time, right? What is in your space? And what is taking up room? Yeah, for things in replacement that could actually make you much more happier and much more at ease with your life. For example, it's just like, with these guys, it's just like, wow, I have two guys that I can talk to on a daily basis, right? Maybe I'm not talking to each one every day. But hey, every other day, I'm talking to each one. And that part of my life is fulfilled, where it's just like, I get to have attention and talk and flirt and blah, blah. But it's just like, okay, both of those guys aren't what I'm looking for. So potentially, I'm allowing for both of those people to be in my life to take up space. For one person who may be exactly what I'm looking for. But there is no room. Why would you send something off to a place that won't be able to take it in? It's got to be sitting on the outside? Wow, wow. Why would you send it to that address? No room, there's no capacity. You don't want your shipment. You don't want your precious items, your precious shipments, going to an address where they're gonna have to stay outside and possibly get wet or damage you know? So it's just like you do have to remove people aren't disposable. But not everything is meant to be forever. You do have to literally my friend, I was talking to one of my best friends. And I was telling them about the situation and he told me he was just like, I thought he was gonna say no and I keep them in your life. What do you mean have some fun like have your company it's okay, I thought that's what he was gonna say. But he was just like, Yo, this sounds about right. clean house before your your birthday. And it was just like when he say clean house. That's when that life lesson that I previously learned about the making space. That's when that came in. Where I was just like, oh my gosh, I am going to have to clean out I am have to deliberately think and meditate upon this decision of, hey, these people may need to leave because I actually want someone ain't too, that's great and amazing and makes me happy, that's easy to be around, that also wants me to meet their parents and their family and their best friends. And for me to know all there is to know about them and just be super intimate. Like, I want someone to take me seriously. But hey, I realize now I need to start taking myself more seriously and serious enough to not entertain what I don't want. Just because I feel lonely, or I want that level of attention. It's not fair to me, because I don't know what God has to offer me. And it's wrong for me to hold on to what I do know, just because I'm afraid of the unknown. And it's beautiful. And it's scary to think of that all of God's blessings are in the realm of the unknown. So in order to be in alignment with God's blessings, we have to be in alignment with accepting and celebrating and even wanting the unknown to come our way.

Kristina: 51:08

Yeah, it takes a lot of courage. This is why you keep going on. You're such a beautiful example of it in all areas of your life. And that's why I kind of wanted to go into the personal dating realm because that's life too. And it just so many beautiful, important lessons, so many powerful things to think about with our relationships, that if we're putting so much time and effort into this somewhat or very toxic relationship, what's that taken away from us? What What are we missing like that we could be bettering ourselves. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my gosh, this has been yet again, an incredible conversation. Anything else you want to share with my listeners lanai? Because they all love you so much for me why? I love it girl.

Unknown: 52:01

Oh my gosh, yes. I want to say you deserve the better thing that is currently in the unknown. Lesser, better thing that you have now was once in the unknown. And so you can have that faith and courage, again, that you once had to attract that unknown that actually isn't that great, right now. You can take that leap again. Take that step. And I am with you 100%. With the fear that it takes in order to go into and take that leap of faith into the unknown when you're letting go of that best friend, or that lover, or that job, or whatever it is, right. But I am also with you, when it comes to celebrating the idea of girl. Boy, let's say I had no idea. Right? I had no idea that something so beautiful, was possible. But oh my gosh, aren't I glad that I took that leap because I had no idea that these ABS was behind this curtain. Or I know I did that this paycheck was behind this curtain. Or I had no idea that this level of intimate conversation with this friend, this new friend was behind this curtain. So just know yes, you deserve better. And also that better can really be on the way but you have to make space. You have to make space.

Kristina: 53:45

So well said thank you. Thank you la nya again for yet again, an amazing monthly conversation that we have because your voice. I'm getting it out there. I want your voice out there even more. And everybody's benefiting from it the feedback I'm getting, it's just so beautiful. Oh

Unknown: 54:10

my gosh, thank you so much. That means so much to me because I just so grateful that God has blessed me with the gift to not only see life in a different way just as an artist, but to be able to deliver those words through speech. Like I feel so loved in this in this in this podcast and being on here greatly loves. Thank you so much. Thank you for listening. I really appreciate you. Oh,

Kristina: 54:38

all right. Until next time, until next time. Bye honey. Hey, everyone. Thanks so much for taking time out of your busy life to listen to today's episode. I love learning about what makes you brave. I'm here with you, I see you, I hear you and I want to hear from you. I want to know how you're showing up as being brave and authentic. Connect with me on Instagram at she's brave podcast or come join our community in the she's brave podcast Facebook group. I'm sending you so much love. Until next time, keep being brave.