Redefining Womanhood, Intimacy, and Authenticity in Relationships with love coach- Sana Akhand

Embark on an enlightening journey with love coach Sana Akhand as we delve into redefining womanhood, exploring intimacy, and nurturing authenticity within relationships. In this candid conversation, discover how embracing your true self amplifies emotional intimacy, allowing you to stay authentic while leaning into your feminine energy. Join us for valuable insights, empowering guidance, and a deeper understanding of cultivating fulfilling connections in today's relationships.

You can find Sana here- 
Podcast- https://podcast.sanaakhand.com/
Instagram-https://www.instagram.com/sanaakhand/



New program- Tap into your Power Masterclass 
Special discount for my listeners- The program is $111 get it for $47 
Use code- Selfmastery

Program- http://mariafuentes.net/p/datingmasterclass

If you enjoyed this episode Hit the subscribe button for updates, and if you love this podcast, please leave a review. Your feedback helps other women like you discover and benefit from it.

Unlock your true potential with our FREE Rediscover Worksheet tool! This simple tool will guide your self-discovery journey, helping you uncover your authentic self and regain personal power. Download now and start your transformation today!- https://mailchi.mp/mariafuentes/rediscover-yourself-the-muse

Need extra support from Maria? Join MUSE Energy, her exclusive women 's-only channel on Instagram, for more insights and inspiration! - https://www.instagram.com/direct/inbox/?thread_key=8628881520460159

For personalized 1:1 coaching, visit Maria’s website at mariafuentes.net or email her at info@mariafuentes.net for guidance.- https://mariafuentes.net/

Follow Maria on Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/_maria.fuentes_/

Transcript

0:37

Hey guys, welcome to this week's episode. This week is going to be a little different because I sat down and chatted with a powerhouse of a woman. Her name is Sana. She is an amazing person and she's also a love coach. So she helps relationships really thrive. Her and her husband actually spent a whole year without living together. And navigated different chapters in their lives and sitting down and speaking with her was so powerful. And I cannot wait to share this conversation with you guys. So without further ado, let's get into this week's episode.. I'm so excited to get this conversation going. Yeah, me too. I am obsessed with your story and your content, and I am excited to dive into all of it today. I love it. I love how you, I mean, we were just talking a little bit before recording about your whole relationship and marriage and how you kind of stay true to yourself when you needed some change. So I think as women is so powerful when we understand. Our emotions, what we need, and we're able to articulate that from a place of power. So let's dive in. Yeah. I love how you said that, that from a place of power, I, do you mind diving into why it is so important for us to control our emotions and like, how do emotions and power go hand in hand? So I think as women, we're so emotional, we're driven mostly by emotions. Let's be honest, right? We feel something. Everything's interconnected for us. I worked with a relationship coach once and he's the one that gave me like this example and it made sense. He's like, as women, everything's connected. What you did last night, we did two years ago, what you did this morning. It's all like one big vine. Whereas men, they compartmentalize things, right? They're able to see things in boxes. So if they're cooking dinner. They're just cooking dinner. If they're talking to us, they're just talking to us, but we see everything so connected. So I really, truly believe that as women, we're the gatekeepers of emotions and we get to sail that ship, especially in relationships. And the way that you become really stable and grounded in yourself and how you can set that gatekeeper status is by really understanding yourself and going deep into yourself, but also not thinking that you have to be perfect. It's more of an understanding. For me, it was healing the parts of me that felt unsafe, the parts of me that needed that validation from other people, especially men, especially in relationships and learning to give that to myself. I did a lot of inner child work and at the end of the day, we're all big children, right? And if we went through a lot of trauma or a lot of pain growing up, I think, I don't think I know for a fact that that doesn't really get resolved unless we can acknowledge it. And rearrange those emotions to more positive ones and release them. And so a lot of my, my work was inner child healing and letting my little Maria know that she's safe now she's taken care of that adult Maria's got her and that she doesn't have to be afraid anymore of a lot of things. And did you have to do that work before getting into the relationship you're in now or is it something that you started once you got into this relationship? No, so my journey's been, so I was married and about like, I don't know, Six, seven months before my divorce, I started therapy, but I want relationship therapy because I thought my relationship, my marriage was wrong. And that's why I was so unhappy. So four years ago, I started this journey of like looking inside, but I didn't do it thinking I was going to really like looking deep within myself that came after, I thought I just had to fix my marriage and my happiness would come right back, you know, but I was so happy with myself for so long and. I didn't realize it. And I put so much of my happiness into my relationship and based it off that. And so through that journey, then I got a divorce. Then I jumped right into a relationship for two years. We do as we do. And honestly, a relationship coach I worked with also told me. That in relationships is where we really truly find ourselves, right? A lot of people try to avoid and stay alone for a long time. And I truly believe that you do need time alone. I truly believe that alone time and enjoying your solitude is so important in your growth. But I also believe that in relationships is how you understand yourself deeply in heartbreak, right? And in these dark moments, like our life is collapsing. We get to choose how we come to the other side. So ended the second relationship after the marriage. Kept doing the work. So him and I went to my, my boyfriend and I, not my husband, but my boyfriend and I started going to therapy together. I went deep into my own hypnotherapy, worked with shamans, went to retreats. Like I really, for about two years, just, I don't know how you are, but if I feel like there's something I need to work on, I go. Hopefully all in. Yeah. I think that is the masculine energy in us that we're like, okay, get into solution mode and hurry up and like, get this resolved and out of the way so that we can continue on with our life. But I think that that's kind of like a blessing and a curse at the same time. Like, as long as you have the balance of remembering that there's a life outside of healing and you can also enjoy living, like enjoying that time. in relationship with your partner while also working on your relationship. If you can master that, then that's the key to healthy, thriving relationships long term. Because if people fall into this like cycle where they go deep into the healing cycle and then they come out and they're like, okay, we're great. Let's go. And then they let life happen. And then five years down the road, they fall back into some really big issues. But it's because they don't maintain that consistent work every day and they wait until they bubble up and fall and fall right. I love like consistent relationship work on the daily on the weekly like that's how you stay connected and thriving and highly energetic. Yeah totally and I love that you posted something recently that you said like don't Get hung up on the healing, like healing isn't just linear, like don't get hung up on just doing that because I think as mass living in our masculine and let's say type a type of women were, we found something that maybe isn't perfect in us. We want to work on what I feel, then we can hyper focus on it. And that can become very negative too. And draining to our soul literally. Yes. And it can also. Take away from the joy and joy is such an important emotion for us to tap into the energy of manifesting our life, right? And like bringing in the miracles and synchronicities that we are here to ultimately do and be in like how. I think my biggest life's work is learning how to balance the two and I'm like trying to get better and better at it. So like the healing ends up being less of an energy drain and ends up being more of like, okay, we're getting a little in our depressive energy. Let's get back up and like trying to like really master that. I think that's where I'm at right now. Totally. And that's why I call myself a self mastery coach, because I think it's a lifelong journey. And when people hear that, they're like, they probably think, oh, I can't master myself. Like, well, you can, and you should, right? We try to master our jobs. We try to master our relationships. We try to master all these things outside of us, but what if we have like enough power to want to self master our emotions, our confidence, how we show up in the world. So I love that you're finding that balance to me. I've. I don't know that that balance even exists. I just think some days I'm a little more here, a little less there. And I'm trying to find the balance and like being okay with that. Because for me, if my routine is like shaken up, like we were actually supposed to record yesterday and I completely dropped the ball and that never happens to me. I was so hard on myself. Talk about trying to find the balance. I was so hard on myself. I'm like, Oh, I don't like wasting people's time, you know? So balancing those emotions for me, it's like recognizing it and be like, okay, no more shaming, letting it go. It's okay. And moving on. I don't know. I just got chills as you said that because when that happened yesterday, I fell into like a unworthiness energy and I caught myself where I was like, at first, my initial reaction was, wow, I'm not worthy of like being important to someone's time. And I was just like, and then I'm like, you know, that's the point of mastery where like. In the past, I would feel that and let that sit with me and spill into everything else and like allow it to just like kind of take over my life versus now I was like in the moment it lasted like maybe less than five minutes and I was like no like shit happens humans are human I'm sure something came up the world doesn't revolve around me like Right Elena, I work with people we do we end up thinking everything's personal and everything is just for us And you're right. Like I'm literally shake it up and my boyfriend came into the room. I was organizing things. He goes, babe, are you feeling out of control? Is that where you're organizing things? And I was like, yeah, it's making me feel better about leaving her hanging. You're right. I'm going to work, but understanding it was a good learning lesson for both of us though. Yeah. Everything happens for a reason. And I love that. Like everything is just an opportunity for you to go deeper into your own self and. Master yourself even more. Yeah, or the opposite, like you said, people get hung up and like, the woe is me, this happened to me. And you're right, a past version of me would have been like, woah, I'm not meant to be on podcasts and do all these things that I'm juggling a thousand things, I'm obviously nah, I can't handle it. Over exerting, yeah. Can't do it, I'm overwhelmed, I should just quit when I start. But now I'm like, no, it is what it is. I forgive myself. We can only move on and that compassion and grace is where I believe that the feminine comes into play. Right? So in my relationship, I see my husband is so hard on himself and I also find myself in that in those moments and like when he's hard on himself. I'm always like, babe, like, it's not the end of the world. We got this, like, let world fricking crumble and fall. We've been poor before. We'll be fine. Like we can get through anything together long as we support each other and encourage each other. And it's kind of, and then I have to do that for myself too. And I think that's where as women, when we're not grounded in ourselves, we look for men and our partners to give that to ourselves. But the truth is that they won't ever be able to give it to us like we can. Because of what you said earlier about us connecting everything to each other through emotions and they compartmentalize things. So that's fascinating, because I never thought about it that way, but it's so true. Because you always hear, what's the biggest thing in fights is, well, he's always trying to fix things. And we just want to be heard and understood. But they were logical creatures. That's not their innate feeling. Right. And of course you can talk about it. I mean, my boyfriend's always like, I'm not trying to fix it. I just want to, you know, so he is aware of it. So like letting your partner know, Hey, I really just want to unload my feelings, but I don't need it fixed. But men that will always be. They're that's where girlfriends are. And for so long, I just cared about my partner doing it. Right. But that's what girlfriends are for. I love that you said that because for the first six years of my marriage, I was so codependent and I ended up actually losing a lot of my friends. And at the time I was like, I don't need you guys. I got my man, realizing that I don't have a support system. And now I'm like, when I started living alone, I was. It's so intentional about like Friday nights are my time with my girlfriends and I'll see you on Saturday, like have to set those boundaries because if we don't, we're not fulfilling our own souls and we're caving into that comfort zone of wanting to just cuddle on the couch with our man. Cause that's what I'd rather be doing than going to dinner, getting dressed up, doing the stuff, spending the money. You know what I mean? Like I love my girlfriends and, and, you know. I love it when we all just like come over each other's houses and just like chill, but it is a bit more energy, you know, it requires, especially if you're an introvert, it requires you to be present more versus with your man, which I'm catching myself as I say this right now, where it's like, you should be present with your man too, but what do you, I don't know, what are your thoughts on that comfort zone? Right. It is a comfort thing, right? With women, like we, like you said, we have to be more aware because we know that they want to be heard just as much as we want to be heard. You can't really just, men don't, I mean, I'm sure your husband's not like, honey, I want to talk about two, about. Something for two hours. No, I really want you to pay attention to me where our girlfriend's will go on and on. That's, yeah. Our girlfriends will go on and on about the same subject for the whole night Yeah. So makes sense. And, but I think that's our masculine energy too, right? Like for a long time I repelled or I found myself with girlfriends who were super needy and the masculine in me wanted to rescue and save them and help them. Ooh, interesting. Yeah. How did you find yourself in that?'cause I know you said you, you've been in your masculine a lot before. Yes. I felt like. I think that's why I distanced myself from women for a while is because I felt like everybody's trauma dumping on me and I think as unconscious healers, we exude that safety and energy for people to trauma dump onto us. And I'm like, why are you like telling me your deepest darkest secrets? Like, and I'm able to hold it and listen and respond. And like, you know, I, I But it drained me. And I was like, well, I don't feel hurt. I feel like I'm everyone's therapist. Totally. But once you started doing it for yourself, now you can hold that space in a different way, right? Oh, yeah. And now I'm also able to set the boundary, right? Where it's like, you know, if I send something is going too dark or too deep, I just like bring it back. And I'm just like, okay, so tell me about like, Your job or change the subject and, um, just like being consciously aware of making sure that it's not happening and being in control in the moment. I think that's the biggest thing. And again, as women, that's so important. That's what I said earlier. I was telling my boyfriend this the other day. I was like. Like, you know, I used to just to be liked by women, I would be like, Oh yeah, talk to me about your problems. Oh yeah. F that guy and screw your job. And when in reality I was like, no, I kind of see your boyfriend's point and I kind of see why your boss is mad at you, but I couldn't say the girls don't want to hear that. Yes. Literally. She's like, you're, you're, she's like, you're such a dude. You're not a girl's girl. It's like, what do you mean? And she's like, you're always trying to fix my problems. Yeah, I don't know how else to like, be a good friend because like you have a problem and I know I can see all the sides. I know exactly what, but that's why we end up being coaches. Like we're great as coaches. We're good coaches. Maybe girlfriends. No, I'm kidding. We're better girlfriends. Because like you said, you can, and you're in a powerful place where you're like, I'm not going to go down the rabbit hole with you. I'm not the friend. I just had a girlfriend go through a breakup and I'm not the friend that's going to sit there and bad mouth your ex. Yeah. I will be the friend that's gonna like vision board with you and we're gonna come up with a plan for you to get your life in place. You know, I'm that friend. Like again, we have to go through emotions. So I'm just, and I think it's powerful to know like where that's not a, that's not a powerful place for me to, to be as a friend. I can't be that friend. So it's like, come to me when you're in the, I'm ready to go kick ass in the world and we're going to get this together, you know? 100%. And I've also noticed that my friends who are in therapy also have a lot better of a grasp on what they share and what they don't share, you know, in their circles, like, give me high level. I'm not your therapist. You know what I mean? Yes, I love that. And like, I want to be there for you and I want to know what's going on in your life, but I also don't want the responsibility of carrying your emotions just because I can. Right. Like, where's your self awareness? Where are you? Like, you know, there's always, we all have blind spots, and I'm sure you've hired coaches and you've worked with people because we do have blind spots, but as friends, you're right, we can't, just like we can't dump to our relationship and our partners, we can't do that with friends either because it's, And I've become very selective. I don't know about you, but like the more I grow and evolve, like the more selective I am with who I let it in my energy. And a lot of friends have fallen off because of that. Truly. And I don't think that that is a bad thing or like, it makes us selfish or anything like that. I think what it means is that we are very hyper aware of where we're spending our time and energy because our careers need us to be in our full presence. So like, the way I see it is like, I'm so careful about my personal life and where I spend my time and energy so that I can have the energy to hold for my clients. And that also is so draining and in, in the best way I want to pour into them, but that's why self care is like a non negotiable for me. What you were saying earlier, I really, really liked because you said, Um, time alone and solitude is so incredibly important, but also relationships are so incredibly important. So I think that's what really goes into like knowing where are you spending that time and energy and making sure that you are staying balanced in who you are and what you have to offer. Yeah, and that, correct me if it's wrong, if this is wrong for you, but for me, it was being very vulnerable and raw, and that's tapping into that femininity, where before I wouldn't speak my truth, I wouldn't say what I needed, I expected them to understand and know what I needed without me even saying it, and then I was so resentful and so mad when it wouldn't happen. Yes. A hundred percent. And I think that is when women are in their masculine, their wounded masculine energy, not, I mean, I think now you're in a very like healthy masculine energy where you know when to bring in that feminine, but when we're in that wounded masculine, we expect things from our partners and we become passive aggressive when we don't receive what we are expecting. And that I believe is like a control thing. I don't know about you, but I used to like try to like manipulate and control my man to like. Respond in the way that I wanted him to instead of just clearly and concisely being like, Hey, babe, like, can you just put your phone away tonight? Yeah, like, why did we make life so complicated? Yeah, it's true. Because there's times where we are going to be needier, right? Like, like you said, putting your phone away, but it's how we tap into that femininity with a man because men are our heroes, right? They want to feel. Like our knight in shining armors, if you start using you statements and attacking and you don't do this and you don't do that. And they're going to stop doing overall. I mean, wouldn't you? I mean, we don't like it when bosses act that way. We don't like it when other people in our lives treat us like we should know better and do better. And yet we treat our man that way. And then we're so mad that they'll, they, that they don't do. And then they continue not doing, but it's really. It's almost our responsibility to understand where we are emotionally, what we need so that we can voice that. And then calling it when it's not the relationship for you, if you've done this and the person's not being receptive and isn't allowing you to be in that feminine, then it's definitely the wrong relationship. So how are you able to tell that difference? And how do you know, like, like, I think I need safety first before I can become vulnerable. Yes, I think having those hard conversations up front. I think we're all still scared to even in the dating I'm actually I just created a dating masterclass that I'm releasing here soon not to try to plug that in but plug it in Yes, hell yeah, that's what's amazing I'm excited for this because I think getting really clear and concise and having those hard talks at the beginning and You can do it in a very powerful way, right? But as women if we know what we want And you go in into it, into a relationship, into the dating scene, knowing what you want. The core values, the things that matter, that are foundational. That's what's going to guide your relationship. If you both, if one of you wants to get married one day and one of you maybe wants to get married, there's going to be conflict. If one of you really loves spending family time and the other one hates spending family time, there's going to be conflict. If one of you is an extrovert that wants to party all the time, and the other one's an introvert that wants to be home all the time, there's going to be conflict, right? So even to that base level, I would say being really open about, hey, this is what I need. This is what I can do and I can't do. Where are you at in these things, right? And then that starts creating that, I feel like that vulnerability and that communication starts creating the safety and being able to trust each other. And then you, you allow yourself slowly, but surely to, as a woman, especially to lean into that softness and you'll start to see how they respond to, how is this man responding to you? You know? I think it takes so much confidence. Yes. As like former people pleasers to be able to just like, even know what you want and like then ask, have the courage and the confidence to ask for it and risk that like, Oh, this person seems amazing and like, I really want to be with them and I may risk losing them if I say like what I think, what I want, what I need. Yeah. I think shifting the perspective for me was. I'm going to lose them if I don't, it's just going to take longer and I'm going to be way more invested later, emotionally, because it's always the things at the beginning of a relationship that we don't speak up on that. You know what they are like? Cause as women, we're like, we call them red flags and I honestly hate that term because they're not red flags. Everything's a reflection of us, but if it's causing some issues, let's talk about it instead of holding it. It's always those things that end up breaking up relationships later. So let's do 100 percent but I don't clear it out in the beginning, you know? Saving time and energy! I love it! Gotta be efficient around here. Okay, I want to go back to talking about your masculine energy and what you... How do you feel when you're in your masculine versus when you're in your feminine? When I'm in my masculine, I have to control things. I have to get things done. And my validation and self worth comes from doing 100%. And when I'm in my feminine, which is a new feeling for me, it's, I've only tapped into it here in the last like six months, I would say. I, I feel at ease just by being, I feel grounded and just by being, I feel flowy. I feel less heavy. I feel like I can not do anything and feel fulfilled versus in my masculine. I know I have to do and do and do. And so. I've learned that when I'm working, it's so good, right? In business, it's such a good thing to tap into your feminine, I mean, into your masculine, sorry, but also some of your feminine energy as well, because you have to be vulnerable. And there's certain traits from your feminine energy that I do believe have to go into your work and your, and actually, before I finished this sentence, I've noticed that in my business and in my work, It's helped me be more feminine because in the past I was more about results and just money. And now that I'm actually listening and being more nurturing and caring to my clients, they like love it more, you know? I know, right? Like, Oh, they like being heard. Okay. Brand new information to me. But it does go back to that conversation we're having about friends, where it's like, you become a better friend when you learn how to just simply sit and listen. And like, being in that feminine energy with the people that you love and the people that are here, that you're here to serve, like as, you know, a goddess that you are, like, we're here to hold that space for them. Totally. And knowing that you are a goddess, right? Like women, if it wasn't You don't need a status, a certain amount of money, a certain look, a certain anything. I've actually been more confident now being 10, 15 pounds heavier than I've ever been. Just because I'm so I think you, I think when I was opening up into my goddess energy, I ended up gaining a little more weight in my like midsection, but I think that's like our womb expanding to hold that goddess energy inside of us. And I think it like, when you look at the Greek statues of these goddesses, they all have a heavier midsection and like wider hips. Like, that's a womanly goddess look. Yeah. You're so right. I never even thought of that. Because it was when I went to my spiritual retreat in March that I started gaining some like fat in my midsection and I never used to have fat there. And it was a theme that kept coming up in my retreat was heal your womb, heal your womb. And it was like my mother line and my mother trauma and all of that feminine energy. And I'm not an expert in this because there's definitely people in their field in spirituality that are really good at it. But I did work with a healer and she said to me, your lineage from the moment your mom's pregnant with you, you are attached to your mom's energy, your grandma's energy. So if you look down the, that line of lineage and the trauma and the pain, you carry all of that. Yes. And so if you're not able to be aware of it at least and understand where maybe these cycles are, if you are living the same life that your mom used to live or your grandma lived, like being able to interrupt it and be like, that's not the life I want. And being able to energetically remove yourself from that, from that space. And when you remove yourself from that space, that's when expansion happens. So when I like to say like, hell is contraction, heaven is expansion, right? So you, in order to heal. That trauma that we hold on to from past lives, from our ancestors, from our lineage, you need to create space so that you can have that space to work through your emotions and your neural pathways and your energy and then alchemize that. And when you alchemize that, you're getting the energy riving up. Into your chakra system to go up and release to turn that darkness into more love energy and that's how you end up coming back into, you know, the body that you love and adore, but it is a process and it's all physical as much as it is energetic. Yes. And energetic is so hard to explain, but it's a feeling and we all feel it. You know, you're around somebody, their energy's off. You don't like being around them. That's the energy. Like you were saying, you have to understand yourself and then alchemize and move. And for me, I don't know what techniques you have, but I'll, I'll share some of mine. My emotions have always dictated my life. And that's where I became part of like specializing in emotions. And tapping has helped when I hit my meridian points, tapping has helped a lot and crying. It's such a release. Right. We, we can't control what happens to us, but our emotional reaction to what happens to us gets stored in our physical bodies. And unless we're able to release that by crying, walking, laughing, moving, tapping, whatever it is that you can do, it's going to get stored there and it will cause that. And that's like all somatic, right? And I think that that's like a lot of people in the wellness and spirituality space have been doing an amazing job helping people with their mindset work. That's step one, in my opinion, is that awareness and that like being able to be conscious of your thoughts and your feelings. But then that step two is that somatic work is like, okay, now that we have that awareness, how can we actually Do something about this and release it from our bodies and actually embody the change that we want to create, not only within ourselves, but in our external reality, too. Yeah. And how good does it feel to have a good cry? I feel so angry. And a good dance party cry? Like, oh my god, I think that was the most healing shit ever. Like, just Let's release. And, like, I listen to some, like, you know, Billie Eilish sometimes, and I'm just, like, screaming and crying and, like, pounding on the floor and just, like, thinking about, like, the people in my life that just brought me so much misery and just made me feel so unworthy and made me feel so small. And I'm just like, fuck you, like, oh, just, like, let it out, and it's slow healing. I love that. Like, it's it's. So funny. I take really long drives and I'll listen to like heartbreak songs and I'll cry and release some of it. And sometimes, I mean, I'm in a happy relationship. It has nothing to do with my path. It's just like, whatever, sometimes it's before my period, truly. It's just, I'm emotional and I'm embracing it. Where in my masculine before I would have been like, why are you emotional? I would have been judging myself and I would have pushed through it and gotten shit done, but not in an aligned way. And then I would have been exhausted. You know, I would hit walls. I think that's where burnout comes and it's all energetics. And I don't believe in burnout anymore, because if I can just take a few minutes to myself every day, because you know, thematically you feel it. I mean, I get tension in my shoulders. I get tension on my back. Your body will tell you when there's something that's off. You have to listen. Yeah. Yeah. And I, I, I used to say like self love is when you put your ego aside and listen to your body. And I think that is the biggest, when I, when that. Came into my awareness and like, I felt, I felt it and I was just like, oh my gosh, like there's so many times where I will gaslight myself and say like, okay, like for instance, literally two weeks ago or whenever it was my birthday and we were in Mexico for my sister in law's wedding. And, you know, Nobody was making a big deal about my birthday, obviously, because it's my sister in law's wedding and the guy that she married, our brother in law now, he like forgot to wish me happy birthday all day and I made it all about me and I was just like, oh my gosh, like I'm here for his wedding and he didn't even wish me happy birthday and my husband was just like observing me and he was like, Yeah. You know, and I like literally was just like going through this whole process on my own in front of him and I was just like, wait, but like, it's his wedding. Like, I shouldn't have to care about this. Like, why am I doing this? And like, having that process of like, immediately, it just I needed to do that, right? To have that moment of bringing, not gaslighting myself and being like, stop trying to make this all about you, but allowing myself to feel whatever was coming out and then soothing myself through it, I think is The biggest difference of how I process my emotions now versus like before I was just be like You're making all about yourself like stop like stop feeling don't feel it. Let it let it let it let it flow through Yeah, and then what is it there to teach you right because after we let him It's like every every emotion is a teacher and maybe I mean Did you know what it was there to teach you like at that moment? Did you like get to that point in the I did? Yeah, and I realized that it's okay to speak up And you know, I am worthy of a happy birthday. So then the next day, I actually was like, Oh, hey, you forgot to wish me happy birthday, but it's all good. And he was like, really upset. He was just like, Oh, shit. Like, I could see it in his face. Like, and then he was like, I'm so sorry. And I was like, Oh, like, that's okay. And it's because like, I don't want to keep gaslighting myself and not ask for what I want and need just because like, Yeah, it's his wedding. Yeah, he has better things to worry about. But I had to detach from the emotion of, like, making it about him, how he cares about me. That's what I had to let go of. It has nothing to do with, like, how people feel about me, but I am also still worthy of speaking my truth and asking for what I want. Yes, and I love that because you're right. I mean and knowing seeing his reaction I'm sure you it helped you realize like I had nothing to do with me. It's like he's so he feels so sad, right? He's got like 80 people of friends and family coming from God knows where to his wedding like Yeah, no, totally. And I love when you still said something because we are all worthy of saying what we feel. It just, it can't be in a unleashing way. I had a mentor say the power of women, I'm probably going to butcher what she said, but it was along the lines of we are all volcanoes. And our power lies in not exploding and choosing not to erupt. Right? So we're able to just hold that space and be like, okay, this is how I feel. And I can say it in a loving, caring way or in a soft way. I used to think like using those words, soft and submissive and all these words were like, Oh, like, Oh, I can't, I would never submit to a man. Are you kidding me? I would never be super soft. And now I see no other way because that's how I would want to be spoken to. Right. And, and your, what, how would you define submissive to a man? I don't love the word just, I know, same, but to just give in, you know, and I've caught myself so many times emotionally, right? Give in emotionally where my boyfriend will try to do something for me and, or he'll say something to me and I'll have to actually pause and take a minute and be like, he's doing this because he loves me and cares for me. I need to be open to receive it. Instead of being like, no, it's okay. I've got it. No, I can pay for that. No, I can do this. Yes. Right. And so for, to me, that's submission because I'm submitting my masculine energy to him and I don't need it. When I'm with him, I'm like, I'm full feminine. I'm all yours. I'm all in. I think that word can get misused into like, oh, I just give into my man and he does whatever. No, he takes me into consideration every decision we make, but I also let him. There's decisions I don't want to make and I can voice that now and be like, I don't care about any of this. You have full control over that, you know? Yes. And that's why I always say relationships cannot be 50 50 because that is going to cause both of you to hit burnout. You need to have things that you care about and that they care about and co regulate and co manifest and co create the life that you are trying to create together using each other's strengths and weaknesses. Yes, and like I am a better cook. I enjoy it. So I cook and he cleans, you know And it's like I do take care of the house more. He makes more money than I do like we have our strengths We have our weaknesses I don't expect him to do the same housework and this and that because I don't want to work as hard as he does right, right like And before I used to resent it because I was in my masculine thinking that I have to earn as much as he does and I have to be as ambitious as he is. And I was just pushing myself, pushing myself, pushing myself. And my entire body was just like, no, I don't want to work this hard. Like we have a successful man for a reason. Do I have to earn as, but I had this like mindset thing because my mom just like never made her own money. Hmm. And like had to give up all her freedom because she always has to ask my dad for money. And that was such a huge trauma that I had to like, go through and unlearn and realize that like, I am not my mother. This is not my father. I am making my own money. And I, if I needed to, you know, support myself, I totally can, but when it comes to house bills, I don't need to pay them. Yeah. And I love that. I mean, I've had this conversation with my boyfriend now we don't live together, but we, I mean, like I said, have the hard conversations at the beginning because there will be some problems later. And in the past, I've been in a relationship where I went 50, 50 on finances because I had the opposite that I felt like my ex husband controlled our finances. So when I moved in with my ex boyfriend, I was like, well, we'll go 50, 50. And I was so resentful. I was so angry. I was so mad because that's not what I wanted. I don't, I don't want to worry about that. Right. Like I'll pay for other things for some of our vacations, but like the house, make it a house or buy me a house. I'll make it a home. You know, like I'll And we do. Right. We do. Because there's things that aren't not, they don't have money, monetary worth that women do. And they're so overlooked. And I think only a man that's lived by himself or has enough, like self awareness can understand that. Yeah. Right. The cleaning, the little things, the remembering. Of certain things and making it a home and making things feel good that all like, so many, so many men have mothers that like, just did everything without a single complaint and they expect that from their potential partners and their wives and they have a rude awakening. And those are the, I think the relationships that struggle the most, because we're modern women and it's 2023, like. If you want a partner who is going to be like your mother, you have to go out of America to find her. Right. Totally. Totally. Because that doesn't exist, especially if women are working, right? There has to be a balance. There has to be a give and take. And like you said, it will never be 50 50. And those are usually the men that are attracted to ambitious women, which is, and they are not attracted to women that aren't ambitious, you know? And I think that's why they struggle so much. Yeah. Because there is a level of, if you're wanting somebody, a woman that's ambitious, most of the time, like, I don't want, I don't like cooking. I'll be honest with you. I don't enjoy it. Yeah. I'll clean if I have to, but like, I have other things that I'm more passionate about, you know? A hundred percent. Yeah. So, but I enjoy making money. I enjoy working and working on my business. So again, you just have to find what works for you. Same, right? Yeah. And it's like understanding that, like, I'm not saying that I literally cook and clean all day long. I literally do run my own business. Yeah. A pretty successful business, you know, I'm making six figures and stuff. But at the same time, I get to choose when I do want to cook. I get to choose when I want to clean. I get to choose that because I've created a business that allows me to not work 40, 50 hours a week. Right. And that's something that's important to you, you value. And I don't think as women, we're meant to work that many hours. It leaves us drained, right? But I think it's also like a, you feel bad almost as women saying, I don't like to cook or I don't like to clean, but I'll hire somebody to do it. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Right. I think that I, so I posted a video yesterday on Tik TOK about being child free and so many women are like, Oh no, you have to have a kid or people are just like, how do you, like, you're, you don't deserve to be on this planet if you're not going to reproduce. And I'm just like, we have so many women that. Are learning how to step into our power that alone is hard on its own of like choosing the lifestyles that we want to live and then having the strength to use our voice to vocalize them to our, not only our partners, but our communities, our friends, our family, like telling my parents, I'm not having kids. And then we also, I think, hold the responsibility as a goddess who has, you know, controlled our nervous system, learned emotional intelligence to be the voices, the leading voices. in content creating and sharing an alternative lifestyle so that younger women can see that there are options out there for me. And then learning how to like hold that negativity from the world. Yes. And I love that. I don't want children either. And it's something I battled for a long time because I felt ashamed as a woman, I didn't want children and society and friends and family will be like, Oh, when are you having kids? When are you doing this? It's almost like a status quo. Like you need to, in order to feel validated, right? As women, but you're right. It's, it's up to us. now to have a different perspective and be okay with it. Like my boyfriend has a daughter and I'm totally fine with being a stepmom because it's not mine. You know, I can choose how much I participate in this child's life, but I, I didn't want to be sacrificed. I didn't want to sacrifice myself, my time, my energy, my body. I think women that are mothers, it's a beautiful thing. It's so sacrificial. And I, and I praise it. I think it's amazing. It's just something to, I think they're superhumans too, especially if they have like a successful career and their mothers and they're like doing it all. I'm just like, kudos, like good for you, but good for us for being like, I don't need to do all of that. And like you said, you make six figures or whatever you make, but I don't need to make a million dollars because it doesn't feel fulfilled. Right? Like we live in a society where. Yeah. We feel like we have to do it all and we need to do it all to feel successful and success is whatever makes you feel happy at the end of the day and it's also a different energy when you know that you'll make a million dollars one day, right? And like, you get to just enjoy the ride to that instead of being like, I need to. How can I create enough offers and enough things in my business and enough, like reach enough of an audience to make, you know, 30k a month or like 80k a month or whatever it is to be a millionaire, 85k a month. Right. Um, and it's, I had a lot of inner work to do with that. Cause when I went on my personal development journey, I did it because I, I was like, I want to be a millionaire. And I'm like, okay, personal development people. I mean, I was like millionaires really prioritize personal development. And that's when I started the journey, right. Of like becoming growth minded, where I was like, I don't want to settle. And that's when I quit my corporate job. And I was like, I don't want a limitation on how much money I can earn. How can I make more money? And that led me down this entire journey. And now I'm just like learning how to like hold that vision that one day I will make a million dollars, but I don't need to make that. Right now. I'm really enjoying the ride in my feminine and my balanced masculine. Yeah, I stopped making goals. Like I have a list of things that I want, but before my goals were very like kind of where you were saying they were very monetary driven and I need to hit by like quarter one this much of my business or this much on my job. So the time I was doing both, I still like, I still work a corporate job and do this on the side, like. I had so many financial goals and I always felt so restrictive for me. So now you're right. I'm like, I always just say, I don't even want to be a millionaire. Like, or I do eventually, right? Like that is a goal, but right. I don't know if it happens in this life. Great. If not, that's okay. Happy about my 900, 000 year, right? Like I'm not going to feel any less fulfilled. So I think you've been saying, It's fine. Just let it go and enjoy the journey. I'm in the process of is my new stuff instead of using affirmations, because I don't really believe versus conscious believes affirmations, but they, they will never use them really. Oh, that's so interesting. Cause you didn't fall into that trap. I made affirmation cards. My first business was I sold affirmation cards on Amazon. And it helped at that moment, but then I realized like, wait, my subconscious doesn't really believe most of this. So now I always just use I'm in the process of, I'm in the process of creating a lucrative, abundant business that helps a lot of people. I'm in the process of creating a beautiful relationship instead of being like, okay, well, I need to, you know, we need to be married by this year. And then, you know, in five years from now, we need to have five real estate investment. Like. All this crazy stuff, all that it's out the window for me to, and it's so freeing to like tap into that unknown and say, I want magic in my life. I don't want to, I don't want to know what my life looks like in 5 years. I don't want to know what my life looks like in 1 year. And as soon as I let go of that is when I chose to live in my own apartment in New York and. That was two years ago. My life is totally different today than it was then. And it's because I'm just like riding and surfing in the unknown. Yeah. And shifting that energy, right? You shifted, like you moved and that's what I tell people, just don't get stuck. As long as you pivot and shift energetically, you're telling God, the universe, whatever it is that you believe in that you want more, but you have to move. You have to do something. Maybe that's when that masculine comes in. Right, but just move, do something because I think that I fell into that trap too. I love this conversation because it's like reminding me of my whole journey of, um, when I got out of my masculine, I went fully into my feminine and I was like, I'm not working. I'm not doing anything for a whole year. I did not make a single dollar and I loved, I love this. Luckily I had enough savings to be able to do that while living in New York City. And like, I still lived my life beautifully and abundantly. And I think it was because of that moment where now it's like everything flows to me easily, but it's because I completely surrendered. And I was like, This or more like this or more like I'm, I'm never going back to hustling and worrying about money and I never have since that moment and even that whole year, there were moments where I was like, Oh my God, it's been three months. Oh my God. It's been six months. What am I doing? And I was just like, you know, God's got me. Like I took a huge ass risk and I'm like doing this for my soul. I'll be rewarded if I don't need to worry about it. I'm not going to worry about it. And I love that everything did. I mean, that's just an example of like, it all worked out, right? Where you could have spent that energy just worrying and kind of pushing against the grain and maybe going back to work into something that you weren't feeling good about or fulfilled with. And then you would have just continued in a cycle, right? Like in the cycle of unhappiness and things that don't feel right. All because of fear. And every time I'm noticing, am I making this decision because of fear that I don't trust that. God loves me, right? Then I'm going to stay stuck in that world. Yeah. And I'm not here to live in that. And I'm here to live in like the 5D, you know, like let's go. Yes. I love that. You make your own reality, right? We all can be creators of a reality. We just choose not to for the most part, but we absolutely can. And I love that. This, I love our conversation. I can go on and on forever. I know, but. Oh, we should probably. Yes. Cut it. Um, amazing. So how can my audience work with you? Yes. So you can find me on Instagram and my link is on there for all my programs, especially this next one that's coming up. So I'm excited for that. And then I also have my own. Tell me more about your next program. It's a dating masterclass. Really tapping into your power. That's what it's called. It's tap into your power, dating masterclass. And I help women just go through all the processes of like, let go of scarcity, the need mentality for a man, and then getting really clear and concise to what it is that you want out of life. And then becoming the energy of the one or the one that got away. Right. There's no in between. Hmm. Interesting. Yeah. And then not entertaining anything. That's not for you because we do that out of boredom. Sometimes we'll entertain men. We'll be like, yes, this is wine and dine me, but we know that that's not going anywhere. So really getting away from that energy. And then once you start dating someone, I do tap into even, how do you hold your standards? How do you keep your standards? How do you keep your boundaries? How to stay true to yourself. And then there'll be other programs to follow, but I feel like I'm excited about this one the most because I feel. That's just the energy. I hate so many people talk to me about their dating issues. Right. And not knowing what to do. So I feel like it's going to be a powerful one. What you said about not entertaining things that, you know, aren't going anywhere. I truly believe that is kind of what was with me and my really with my relationship with money, where it was like, I'm not going to entertain things that aren't for me that created the space for the universe to be like, Oh, she's serious. You know, And I think that's the same thing with relationships where it's like, how serious are you? The universe will test you and they're going to, it's going to send you people that seem tempting, but you'll know that they're not for you. Are you still going to entertain it or not? And the more you say no to the things that aren't for you, the quicker the things that are for you come into your life. Absolutely. And I love that you give us that perspective about money because a lot of people will stay stuck in a job or something because they feel like they need it. But when you let go of that grasp, like let the universe, let God take over. And you're right. I love that. That's amazing. And it goes hand in hand with like creating that space in our nervous system and our wounds in our bodies for that healing to happen. It's all just so connected again with our feminine, connecting everything, connecting the topics. And I want, my audience is going to listen to this too. So where can they find you and how can they work with you? Yeah, so you can find me on my website, sunnahakan. com, follow me on Instagram, and I also have my own podcast, Thriving in Love, and it's available on Spotify, Apple, and YouTube. Oh, I love it. I can't wait. We've definitely, I feel like we need to do a part two after this long conversation. I know. I feel like I literally, I think we talked about so much, and I know. I'm like, excited to go back and listen to it and then maybe we could pick like a topic or 2 to go deeper into. Yeah. Yes. Okay.