The Unapologetic Uplevel- Protecting your Energy and Removing what doesn't belong!

Hi guys! In this week's episode, I share my unapologetic journey of personal growth, aiming to empower you to embrace your strength without any apologies or guilt. It's about being discerning with the people you invite into your energy and who gets access to your life! It's also about gaining crystal-clear clarity on the life you envision for yourself and safeguarding it fiercely. When you define your values and set intentions for the life you want, you connect with a unique and powerful frequency.

Let's explore and thrive together in this week's episode!


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Transcript

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And so don't be fooled by the people that just come when you're down. And then also in the reverse, don't be fooled by the people that are there clapping for you to show up and tell you how amazing you are when you're on top of the world. And everything's great either. There has to be a balance For years, I struggled with toxic relationships and understanding my own emotions. I found myself repeating the same cycles with different people and living in victimhood. I am Maria your host, and I specialize in self-mastering coaching. I've spent the last few years working with various therapists in order to heal my own traumas and help others. This podcast is your dedicated resource for gaining emotional intelligence, nurturing self-awareness, and cultivating healthy relationships. If you're prepared to master your emotions, improve your relationships, and create captivating self-confidence. Then this podcast is for you. Thank you for listening and welcome to this week's episode. Hey guys, welcome to this week's episode. I cannot believe we're in March already. And part of why I wanted to make this episode is because every year it's my birthday in March. So every year on my birthday, I really just analyze where I'm at in life. Especially because around 28, 29, I had a quarter life crisis going into my thirties and thinking that like the world was going to end because I wasn't where I needed to be. And the people in my life didn't. Then give me what I wanted. All these intense emotions came up for me before turning 30. And then after 30, I was like, wow, I had all this fear. And actually the, my thirties have been my best years yet, but the evolution of Maria has been a process to say the least, and I'm turning 34 this month. And. I've realized that there's been a common theme here the last two years, especially, and this is just me being unapologetic about who I am, where I'm at and where I'm going, and really being selective with who I allow, my energy, who I allow around me. I am very aware of who celebrates me, who loves me, who motivates me, who inspires me and who does the opposite? Who drains me? Who kind of looks at me with a side eye who really kind of almost wants my life and will. Make jealous commons or critical comments or the. Impose their views on me or their fears in me. And so I've been very selective, especially the last year. I would say even more so on who I allow in and who I don't. And even with clients, I've done this with clients and sending some boundaries and some standards and just holding true to them in all areas. And so I'm going to talk about my own unapologetic up level. And I want to give you guys permission. Especially if you're a woman and you're listening to this, we're so afraid sometimes to up level in life because we're. Scared. We're not going to be liked or we're going to lose people or we're going to make people uncomfortable or. We might not even know what it's going to feel like. And so we play small. We don't go all in. We allow people to put their fears on us and take on other people's opinions and thoughts, and we make them our own. So I'm here to give you permission to let all that shit go and be unapologetic about your up level and who you're meant to be on this earth. Because playing small, doing things so people can like, you. Saying the things that you want your friends to hear. And never really growing or evolving. It's not going to serve anyone. This is not why you came into this world. This is not what you were meant to be. You were meant to do great things and live a life that's fruitful and abundant and great and big and amazing. And all of the things. And so. I've done a purge of friends. A few times in my life. Especially when I was going through therapy and I was going through the intense, evolution of Maria. Now I'm just kind of like keeping up and healing, but in different modalities, where before I was like unleashing on Raveling and really just like opening up all these different layers of myself to get to like the core of who I am. And now that I know who I am and all those friends were purged, like all the people that I kept around, for reasons like I've known them forever because I didn't have a family growing up those close. I like my sisters and I were never close it was just me and my mom. And she kind of had kind of controlled all my relationships. I kept friends around just because I was like, well, I've known them for so long, or I would be heartbroken of a relationship ended because I knew them for so long. And I would be friends with people that I wanted to save or help. And anyone that didn't really bring anything into my life in the sense of are you bringing good energy into my life? Good motivation. A good mindset. Are you expanding my mindset? Are you increasing my energetic capacity as a human. All those friends. I purged. A few years back. And even though I still have some really great friends that I've had for years, those aren't even friends that I talk to on a regular basis. And when we do, I try to make it really positive and amazing, like help them. And they helped me. And what I realized too, is that when we hold on to friends, because we feel like, well, we've known them forever. We're high school friends with them, or they've seen me through all these stages of life and they've been there for me and they've done all these things. And we hold onto them for the wrong reasons. They become weights. And anchors in our life because some people. Are going to be meant to stay where they're at and they won't ever Uplevel, or they won't change very much or they'll stay stuck. In a negative cycle in a negative self-belief. In pain and hurt and shame and guilt, and that's their own journey to go through. And so if you're in an Uplevel, if you're wanting more, if you're ready for more and you want to increase. Your energetic capacity and you're ready to just hit all these different levels. Those people are going to be anchors because anytime you come to them, and you talked to them about your life, your dreams, your aspirations. They're going to put their own fears and their own beliefs onto you. And so they're going to anchor you down. They're going to be weights. There are going to be in your life and your, and then you keep them around only because they've been around forever. And there's this like codependent attachment. And you think that if. You let them go. Then that means that no one really cares about you. And no one's going to value you as a friend or be there by your bedside when you're dying. You know, we create all these, like fear-based stories in our lives. And I think there's beauty and understanding that people come into your life. For a reason, a season or a lifetime. And I heard the saying a few years back and I think it made more sense and it resonated with me so much because like I said, I would hold onto people. And romantic relationships and friendships as coworkers, whoever for the wrong reasons, because I needed the sense of, I wanted to belong. I needed people to know that I had had my back. I needed people that were on my corner and that valued me because I didn't have that growing up because I didn't have a family. Because I didn't have that consistency. And so. When I started seeing things that way, like a season, right? What happens in a season? A season is spring, fall, winter, summer. And amazing things happen, but each season has its purpose. Fall, we're releasing. We're shutting. In the spring we're growing, we're evolving. In the fall we retreat, we go inwards in the summer. We're out more, we're vibrant. We're in the sun. So every season has a reason. And a place. And so have you started seeing people as seasoned on your life sometimes, or they come in for a reason, we learn a lesson from them. We're able to just have more compassion for where they stand in our lives, instead of forcing this idea that they have to be a forever friend or a lifetimer. And also having an unapologetic Uplevel is knowing that not everyone deserves to be a, lifetimer not everyone deserves to be in your life forever, whether that is family members or friends or coworkers or romantic relationships. And so. When you understand the nothing outside of you is going to bring you the true happiness, that safety, that love that unconditional. Being there for you. Like you can, you can give yourself all of these things. When you start doing that for yourself, you start giving to yourself. Everyone else becomes an extra amazing bonus on top of that. But when people. Go through their season in our lives. We have to know that that was just a season and that was beautiful. And they were here to teach us something. Maybe some people weren't even here to teach us anything. Maybe we were there to teach them something. And that's it. There doesn't have to be this big explosion. There doesn't have to be this big. Reveal of let's not be friends anymore and you hurt me and make the other person, the villain and the bad guy, because we have to almost create these narratives so that we feel good about ourselves. And we don't feel guilty that we're releasing people out of our lives. Because in some way, if you've been abandoned and you know what that feels like, you don't want to abandon somebody. And so we have to make them a bad guy in order to feel better about ourselves. And so I want you to start thinking of things like that in people in your life like that. And I know it sounds a little heartless, but it's really not because it's protecting your energy. And when you really decide that. Your energy is the biggest frequency and you're working so hard on your energy every single day. You're showing up for yourself. You're respecting yourself. You're giving to yourself, you're working or limiting self beliefs. You are consistently growing. You're consistently taking a step further in your life. And there's people that are not doing the same. Those people don't belong in your life, or at least they don't belong in your day-to-day interactions in your day-to-day life. Communication. Because those people will wear you down. And so it's knowing and having enough discernment to know who to share, what with. And it's not about hiding things because he's saying like, they're not going to be happy for, you know, you'll start seeing who is happy for you. Who's actually going to get it. I have friends for different things. And I have removed myself energetically from a lot of friends because when I've talked to them, they're in victimhood or they're stuck. I can. I can experience how stuck they feel. And I'm sure people have removed me from their life in the past because I was stuck or we just don't resonate. Right where I'm at. And they're at, we're not our values. Don't align. We're not seeing the same way. This goes both ways. And so. Removing yourself energetically there again. There doesn't have to be an explosion. There doesn't have to be a big. Anger match or you don't have to make the other person a bad guy, but you do have to start protecting everything you're working for all those things that you're showing up for yourself daily, how you're treating yourself. Because if you allow people to stay in, they're going to come slowly, rot that energy. And. I want to talk also about standards and boundaries, because as women, we go to two extremes. Again, we're either too nice. And we just take, take tag or doormats. We don't say anything or we blow up, well, we're a volcanic, we explode. We feel like there has to be this big argument and we're finally standing up for ourselves. I'm a woman. Hear me roar, like, look at me. I'm a bad-ass and that doesn't make you a bad-ass and neither does staying quiet. And so the beauty is having standard and boundaries. But you can only create standards and boundaries if you have them, not only within yourself, but you understand yourself well enough to know what those standards and boundaries are. I am so thankful that I have clients now, but if my clients would have came to me a year ago, when I was not ready and I had no clear boundaries or standards, I was creating them. I was upleveling in that way, when it came to like business and who I allow in my energy field. I would have over given. I would have been resentful. I would have been exhausted. I would have been energetically depleted. I would have been all the things that I've done in the past, in romantic relationships, I would have done in client relationships. And so. My, and I'll talk about my own personal experience and I hope you can start thinking about what are your boundaries and your standards. My standard of living is I have to show up for myself. My boyfriend knows this. I know this, the people in my life, I live with my nieces right now. They know this, they know, I show up for myself every single day. I make that a priority. I eat healthy. I, I meal prep. I do things that are going to make me feel good. I show up for myself every morning by going to the gym and working out or moving my body because I know that puts me in a elite mental space so that I can conquer the day so that I could work. So I could work with my clients so I can have the energetic capacity to be a great romantic lovers. I could be a great friend, so I can be a great aunt to my niece, sister. I can be all these great things and. Uh, feel and fuel and feed my relationships that are important to me. And so showing up for myself, it's an absolute standard in my life. Another one that I've created. And this has been just recently because I do work from home. And for a while there, I wasn't just taking care of myself. I wasn't like putting on a little bit of makeup or my moisturizer or having like a routine, a face routine. I had let it go for like, A good few months. And I was like, why am I not taking care of myself? So I have a non-negotiable. Daytime and nighttime routine. Because I am telling myself I am worthy of looking good, feeling good and being personable. I also keep my space, my car, my, my room, my home. In pristine. Standards. I don't wait for somebody to come over for me to do this. I don't wait for. I don't know, a special occasion to clean my room. I make sure that my area, my space is clean and it's organized because I deserve that I deserve and I'm worthy of a clean space. I am worthy of feeling good. And I also realized that. This goes along with the standards. I realized that when I feel good and I compound the feel good feeling. So let's say I wake up, I go work out. I feel good. I'm listening to something that's going to inspire me, motivate me and help me grow. I'm feeling even better. I come home. I shower. I exfoliate. I do. You know, my skincare, I do a little bit of makeup just to feel good. I'm compounding. Ooh. Now I'm going to go and spray like a few of my, like, even if I'm home, I smell good for me. And that feels amazing. I put a little perfume on, I put a matching little like casual outfit on. No, one's going to see me except for people on zoom, but I feel good doing this. So I'm going to do it. And then I'm going to go, right? Like my to-do list. And I'm going to check those off and that's going to feel good. It's the micro things we do for ourselves. And those are the standards that I'm, I've created in my life in the past. I've let go of them in some seasons of my life. And now I'm bringing back and they're, non-negotiables now. And so everyone in my life knows this that's close to me because I won't compromise them. I won't say, well, I'm too busy or I'm too tired none of that's going to happen anymore because I have a standard. Now this is my standard. I'm respecting myself enough to know that that's my standard. And then another standard I have is I don't let energy. Vampires in my life. If somebody feels draining emotionally, And mentally after I leave a conversation with them or after I talked with them. This used to happen to me a lot before. And now it doesn't happen as often because I've created this like bubble of energetic protection. But if those people come into my life, I set a really hard boundary of like, you're not, you're not getting in my life. That is just my standard. I need my energy. I need to protect it. And so if people are in their victim hood, if people are always complaining to me, I don't even take them as clients, to be honest with you, because I, I know where I'm at right now and what my energetic capacity is doesn't mean that I won't take them as clients later. But right now where I'm at in life, I can help somebody grow and evolve. But not if they can't even have enough self awareness to see where they're falling short in life or where they can improve on. When clients come to me and they're in that state, they're like, you know what? I want more, I have self-awareness, but I want more. And I feel like I'm missing something something's off. I'm like, great. Let's do it. I've got you. I'm going to walk alongside of you and I'm going to help you because I know exactly where you're saying, I know exactly how you feel and let's go find these blind spots of yours. But people need to have enough self-awareness and this is the standard in my life as well. I wouldn't be with my boyfriend if he didn't have self-awareness I've I just couldn't do. Like, if you don't have enough self-awareness you just don't belong in my life. Because if you lack self awareness as a human. You're going to. Need me to validate you. You're going to need me to tell you that the shitty behavior that your. That you're provoking other people or that you're interacting with is okay. And I can't do that. I just don't have the energetic capacity and I, I don't care to mother people anymore. I don't care to. Give to other people, like in that sense, And so once we start feeling like, okay, I feel really good. So this is going to feel awkward at the beginning. You having these standards, you're almost going to feel not worthy and like, there's something wrong with you. Like you're being too high maintenance. Your standards are too high. You're going to push everyone away. No, one's going to love you. No, one's going to understand them. And again, it's how you approach them. It's how you interact with people. It's how you talk to people or how you don't talk to people. Sometimes energy says at all, And like I said, you don't have to have this big blow out in this big fight with people to energetically remove yourself from their lives. And so when you started saying things from a place of groundness I can tell my boyfriend, Hey, I feel. Really good. When I work out every morning, it sets the tone for my day. That's me setting a boundary with him in the sense of like, Hey, you know that I've, I don't show up for myself. I'm not going to be in the best place. And it has nothing to do with him. It's not me telling him, Hey, I don't have time for you. I need to go show up for myself. No, it's Hey, because I get to show up for myself. I am a better girlfriend. I show up better in our lives. I show up as a better everything and he understands that same thing with friends. There's been friends that have wanted to be in my energy field, especially the more I up level I've, I've realized this. And I almost didn't want to talk about this in this episode because I'm like, Are people going to be able to relate. And I've had enough conversations with colleagues and other people in the coaching space and they feel the same way. When you're. Energetically upleveling, you're speaking differently. You're thinking differently. You have increased your capacity. People feel that. People that have known you in the past, feel that they see this shift. And if they're not feeling that shift in their own lives, they're going to come. And want to feel your energy and have you around because they feel like that's going to be expensive for them. This is for you to have enough discernment and ask yourself. is it worth it for me? Does my energy expand with this person? And it has nothing to do with where they're at in life. Whether they're successful or they're not successful or they're they have money or they don't have money. It has nothing to do with the outside stuff and everything to do with the insight stuff. The self-awareness the energetic capacity. How aware they are with themselves. All of it. That's. So I want you to have enough to sermon and ask yourself, well, what does this person bring to me? Can this person. Helped me as well. It's an energy exchange and there's nothing wrong with this. To say that everything's not an energy exchange is a lie. We, we exchange our time for money. There has to be an exchange because if you're just giving, giving, giving. It's going to get draining and you need to be able to receive as well. So everything is an energetic exchange. It doesn't have to be the same though. And so the way I give to some of the people in my life, or even other colleagues, like I said, and coaches that I talked to. We're the same, but we're different. And so I can give them perspectives on their emotions and their relationships, and they can give me great perspectives on business and things that are not my forte, that they're not my. My sewn of genius. And same thing in romantic relationships, energetically. It's a beautiful exchange. What I have with TJ and we give to, we are the same, but we're also different. We give to each other in different ways. And we feed each other in different ways. It has to be an exchange and it doesn't happen every single time or there's times where I'm going to give more. He gives more, but at some point you're going to feel that that exchange in that energetic shift, that back and forth. And so just analyze who in your life are you allowing and keeping around for the wrong reasons and who doesn't belong in this Uplevel and be unapologetic about it. Set those standards, set those boundaries and know that regardless of how they feel about them, that's on them and not on you. And we start practicing this. You start getting better at it. You've gained more confidence and you also realize who's there for the right reasons. And who's there for the wrong reasons. If you set boundaries and standards with people and you say, Hey, I just don't have time. Like I have all these things going on right now. I'm valuing my time different right now. I would love to get together, but that's going to have to be in the next few months. Or. I don't have time for that, or, Hey, I really enjoy our relationship and where it's at, but I need to have these boundaries and like, I can't speak to you every day. I, I can't have you. I just, you know, emotionally dump on me. When you say all these things and you say it from a loving, grounded place, not in a tactful way and you don't just stay quiet because you want to preserve the relationship. When you start practicing that you realize, okay, who's going to be able to actually acknowledge that. Have the self awareness that, okay, maybe they're doing something in your life that isn't bringing you joy. Or good energy and they're able to say, okay, I got it. Like I understand, I see where you're at noted. If people respect that they deserve a place in your life, those are the ones that become the lifetimer. So those are the ones that become. The people that you want to create a life with, that you want to see every season of their lives and they're ready to see all the seasons of your life. They're not only there for you in the Lowe's. Or only the highs. And let's talk about that actually, because this happened to me a few times when a lot of stress and anxiety and bad. Like quote, unquote, bad things would happen in my life. There was a lot of people that will come into your life and they're trying to save you and help you. And they're like, wow. Oh my gosh, you're going through that. I'm here for you. Don't worry. I'm here for you. Misery loves misery. And even though this feels at the moment, like it's great on my gosh, I'm getting so much help. People are loving on me. People are here for me, but all these people came out of the woodworks. They weren't really here for me when I was happy that they weren't asking me like, Hey, how are you? I see you're happy or you're doing great. It's so amazing. When they're not there for you for the good times, but they're only there for the bad times or the times where you seem miserable or you're going through a hard time. Those are also energetic vampires, just in a different way. When people are unhappy with their lives and they find an opportunity or a reason. To latch onto somebody else that might be going through a rough time and is not happy themselves. They will latch onto this. As women, if you, if you realize like the cycles that we have as women. Cause I just went through this last year when I was single, there was friends that I just like had fun with, but they didn't really bring anything into my life. And I had to release one of those friends actually. And I realized that when I made myself a priority, when I said, Hey, this is what I need to do for myself. And that person didn't respond well. I realized that that person was just there because I was going through a rough time and being single and in this gray area of like, do I want to be in a relationship? Where am I at? And they were in the same space. But they can feel my energetic shifts and capacity. And so they wanted to just latch onto that and just be in a poor state of mind. And. Being negative and talk poorly about their exes and all these things. And so when I started saying, Hey, this doesn't match with me. This doesn't resonate with me. And that person didn't receive a well, I was like, well, I know exactly where that person lands in my life. And so don't be fooled by the people that just come when you're down. And then also in the reverse, don't be fooled by the people that are there clapping for you to show up and tell you how amazing you are when you're on top of the world. And everything's great either. There has to be a balance. There has to be a middle ground. If a friend's really your friend, they're checking in on you when you're doing amazing. And when you're doing not so good, I have friends that I don't talk to every single day, but they'll send me love and light when I'm going through a rough patch and they'll send me love and light when I'm doing great. And they'll be like, oh my gosh, she looks so happy. I'm so happy for you. Those are the messages. And those are the things that mean the world to me, because I don't, I'm not that friend. Right. That was another standard I had to like really create in my life is that I've never been the girl that can talk to their girlfriends every single day, or have a best friend where they're like constantly talking. I do have one friend that we talk a lot more than any other, but we keep each other in check. And so it's not draining. I can do the, oh my gosh, listen to my drama. This is my life. I used to do that because I thought that's what girlfriends did. And I never had a close friend. So I was like, well, I guess I have to do this. But it's not my life. Actually get really emotionally drained when people emotionally dump on me, somebody long messages. I do all these things. I have to be in a good energetic space. And, um, I've learned that I won't even respond to that. If I see a long voice memo or anything. Until I'm in the right energy until I'm ready to receive it or be open to it because I can't. I can't do it often. And I exert so much energy in so many different areas of my life that are valuable to me and important to me that I only have so much to give in other areas. And so get really clear about your boundaries. Get really clear about your standards, not only your personal standards you have for yourself, but then also the ones you have for other people. The more you create boundaries and standards with yourself, and you give yourself standards and boundaries. Have you say you're going to do something to do it. If you respect yourself more, if you do all these things, you will inevitably attract people that do the same. And the other people will just fall off energetically. So. Be unapologetic about your up level. I hope if you listened to this, this gave you permission to just be no, one's here to judge you. No one on this earth is meant to judge. If people are judging you, that's on them. People, judge what they don't understand. And you're not here to be understood by everyone. You're amazing. And just the way you are and you deserve an Uplevel. You deserve the life that you want to create and not everyone's there for that journey. Not everyone's going to be a lifetimer. So really get clear on all these things that we talked about on this episode and go be unapologetic on your upper level. I hope you guys have an amazing March. I love March, always great things happen for me in March. So I'm excited to see what happens to me this year and what happens for me this year. Because every birthday ever since I got out of that funk of thinking that 30 was going to be the worst. I have opened myself up and energetically to so much, especially around my birthday. So. Go be the best version of yourself. And I will talk to you guys next week.