Episode 192. The Self-Comparison Trap: Thriving in the Age of Social Media

Welcome to another episode of the In-situ health and fitness podcast! In this episode, we delve into the concept of self-comparison. We explore how our interactions with others shape our self-perception and behaviour, driven by biological, developmental, and social psychology explanations. By examining downward, upward, and lateral comparisons, we uncover how these dynamics influence our self-esteem and motivation. We also address the impact of social media on our fitness goals and offer practical strategies for combating negative self-comparisons.

Join us as we discuss how to build a positive self-image, leverage community support, and overcome the fear of judgment in public fitness spaces. This episode is packed with insights and tips to help you measure success through personal progress rather than social comparison.

Transcript

 what is up everybody today we're going
 to be discussing self-comparison so you
 can be the best version of yourself
 without worrying about what everybody
 else thinks about you or what you think
 everybody thinks about
 [Music]
 you the very first question I wanted to
 discuss with you and everyone listening
 I guess is who are
 you Jack Jack right but are you shy or
 are you outgoing are you agreeable or
 are you disagreeable are you anxious are
 you conscientious just and if you're any
 of those things how do you
 know you okay sorry Snee like how do you
 know what have you ever thought about
 what makes you decide that you are one
 thing or another yeah and it's a really
 good thing to think about because all
 generally we think of ourselves say
 I'm um
 agreeable but why am I agreeable where
 who no one said gave that label you have
 to be agreeable from now on it's not a
 way I was raised or anything like that
 so yeah so in Psych the last week of
 Psych psychology studies I should say
 last week we discussed um social
 comparison Theory and where it comes
 from why it's needed and pretty much we
 went into depth with these questions and
 we had to do like a self- evaluation on
 how we got to what we believe our
 identity is and pretty much Social
 Psychology indicates that how you
 interact with others is what determines
 what you believe about
 yourself but then we also went into like
 the why like we always always go into
 the why because psychology is kind of
 vague right it's a weird thing to study
 it's a science but not everyone agrees
 that it's a science
 um and there's three main reasons that
 we compare ourselves to others because I
 mean when I think of self-comparison I
 immediately think of it's It's a
 negative behavior it's a negative thing
 to do is that what you think sometimes
 yeah so I guess that's why I want to
 discuss the why it's needed like we
 definitely need it we we're not going to
 talk about how to get rid of it today
 but so why self-comparison is needed why
 it's needed and how you can manage it
 and and the different types of self
 comparison is a good is a bad so
 basically obviously
 evolutionarily it's needed because we
 are pack animals or we were we've
 evolved from pack animals so still are
 still are her Instinct right so if you
 were very different to the pack it's
 likely that you were going to be cast
 out I say I guess the same goes with
 tribes if you're very different to the
 tribe you're going to be cast out of the
 tribe and that is really hard that's all
 probably detrimental to your survival
 right so from that perspective it's
 vital for us to compare ourselves to
 those close to us so that we can stay
 similar to them so that they like us and
 keep us in the herd so that's one um
 explanation the other one is from a
 developmental perspective which is that
 we have to learn because when we're born
 we're basically useless compared to
 every other animal mammal who can
 basically be born get up walk go get
 their own food what can we do true lay
 there cry poop ourselves we do need a
 lot of looked after for a lot of years
 okay I really like the developmental
 perspective because we do have to learn
 like someone has to teach us how to be
 who we are so I think that a lot of the
 beliefs come from that as well but
 that's also why we seek people and why
 we seek to compare ourselves because we
 need other people and the third one is a
 social psychology explanation which is
 social networks so especially now with
 the internet I think that it's really
 really hard for us to be able to take on
 all of the information we need
 to survive for lack of a better word to
 know what's right what's wrong what's
 going to work what's going to Keep Us
 Alive so instead of us absorbing
 everything and learning everything we
 need social networks so like you're in
 my social network you're a personal
 trainer so I don't have to learn how to
 become a personal trainer I can sort of
 just rely on you to have that knowledge
 and be in my network and that's almost
 like an additional skill without me
 having the skill because you are a part
 of my network right so in that sense I
 think we compare ourselves to others in
 how we can we're different so I want you
 in my circle does that make sense that's
 kind of a more positive light to
 it um you just covered three massive
 topics there can we just go back over
 all three and just quickly sort of
 discuss in a little bit more detail so
 Evolution yeah
 um so what would what was the importance
 of having social psychology or comparing
 yourself in evolution so that we are a
 part of the tribe so that we are similar
 to the people in the tribe around us and
 that helps us
 survive like at the very basic
 fundamental theory of it we need other
 people around us and we need to be a
 part of a community to
 five um so how does that differ from I
 guess when we were cavemen and women
 just banging rocks around and trying to
 start fires compared to now like
 obviously there's a lot more
 involved at what point did it change you
 know you know all the cavem men together
 and then somebody's gone off and then
 started something different and then
 again and again and again now we're here
 well I think that it takes like that one
 person that doesn't like there's always
 a leader to the tribe right so there's
 always someone that compares thems to
 somebody else maybe I compare myself to
 you but I decide that how you are is not
 how I want to be so then I might be the
 caveman or woman that leaves the tribe
 and goes and starts my own slightly
 different tribe because I think we have
 I have a better way of doing things
 blueberries are better than blackberries
 in your blueberry tribe blackberries
 there's always going to be those people
 that aren't the sheep that are like the
 leaders that go out I think the modern
 example of that is influences like we
 are still tribe creatures like I don't
 know like we don't live in tribes like
 or even in families or big houses like
 we used to but we still follow certain
 people on the internet that are the
 leaders right that we perceive to be the
 leaders of whatever the trend is that
 they're doing and we compare ourselves
 to that leader and for some reason we
 put that leader on a p or like they know
 more than us they are where I want to
 be all of those
 things I guess over time and that social
 media is a good example because you get
 random people who pop out and say these
 weird and wonderful things that uh one
 that pops to my mind was that lady that
 was claiming that fasting can increase
 your testosterone by 200% I haven't
 heard anything from her so obviously you
 get those outliers now that say these
 things but back then they would have
 just walked off from the tribe claiming
 these things but then ultimately passed
 away because you know yeah no one
 followed them yeah and that's I guess
 that's the same now um but then
 obviously you get certain people that
 are very influential but then talking
  but people still follow him what
 was the second one the second one was
 develop the developmental explanation so
 the fact that we are useless as infants
 and we need to learn and I think that
 when you if you refer back to you being
 in school that's probably the first time
 unless you have siblings that's probably
 the first time that you start to compare
 yourself to others like oh wow look that
 that girl can build a sand castle way
 better than I can like look at how good
 that kid is at coloring in the lines you
 know what I mean like little things like
 that um and I think in school or when
 you have young siblings you compare
 yourself because you want to sort of be
 the better one because you're more
 likely to receive the praise and the
 attention from the caregiver which is
 the parent who has raised you up until
 that point right so I know that when I
 was a kid I was very competitive for
 attention because I wanted to be praised
 that I was the better
 sibling all of the time and then that
 gets worse as you go into primary school
 and then probably even worse into high
 school I think because maybe the praise
 shifts from the parents to peers in high
 school and I think think that's more
 dangerous yeah and then obviously
 depending on how long you stay in school
 it just goes from you know back to
 teachers and then to bosses and yeah and
 it's never it's never ending there's
 always someone whose praise that you are
 seeking and I I feel like you're always
 comparing yourself to those around you
 in order to get that praise because
 ultimately praise is or you've you've
 sort of been taught that praise is how
 you survive
 [Music]
 right I guess that's a hard cycle to
 break because if you don't realize that
 then you're just going to be sort of
 chasing that ham going around in that
 hamster wheel looking for that praise
 everywhere you go everything you do and
 you're probably going to be disappointed
 all the time all of the time just just
 on the Infant thing yeah we are really
 the one of the only animals on this
 planet that take so long and take so
 much care do you think
 because our lives are a lot more complex
 it takes us a lot longer to learn and
 start doing things rather
 than I don't know a dog is born and then
 just starts walking and eating and going
 to the toilet and I think we've made it
 more complex though
 because like say when you're a cave
 person what what are your needs other
 than eating and pooping what's a dog's
 needs eating pooping shelter that that
 they were our needs as well and I feel
 like babies hundreds of thousands of
 years ago still needed the like so much
 extra care compared
 to a dog true I don't know
 it's Evolution it's a weird one it's so
 weird developmental psychology is so
 weird because there's not
 really like there's no clear cut answers
 which is frustrating but also very
 interesting yeah what was the third one
 the third one was the social psychology
 explanation so I feel like sure there's
 Evolution which has its evidence and
 then there's developmental psychology
 which still has a lot of evidence it's a
 little skeptical on like the stages of
 life that we go through but then there's
 social psychology which is probably the
 most questioned by by The Sciences
 because it's a lot more up to
 interpretation of behavior social
 psychology so how do we interact with
 other people so the social psychology
 explanation was we have to rely on
 social networks for additional
 information because we simply can't
 collect all the information we need
 alone I really like this one because
 that is the fundamental basis of this
 podcast and our jobs right like we have
 a certain um specific niche of
 information and we are trying to make a
 social network with people that don't
 have that information so that they can
 so we use us become a part of their
 social network yeah yeah and it's like I
 heard this I think Tim Ferris said I
 remember when I first started going down
 the self-development road and yeah you
 are the average of the five people that
 you spend the most time with and as soon
 as you said that in the intro part
 section there about you know how we rely
 on certain people for certain skills you
 don't need to learn that skill and then
 I was just trying to think of the the
 five people around me the most and what
 skills they have and it's like it's just
 it's it's a good actually thought
 experiment to think about the five
 people you hang around with and I've
 done this for a long time now go who are
 the five people you think you spend the
 most time with
 um should I be oh you can't say their
 names I don't know should I don't want
 to upset some okay yeah Fair um I I
 guess it's at the moment it's a lot more
 than five because I got a lot of clients
 that I'm quite close with um but it's
 just
 like now that I think about it like in
 even in those sessions with my clients
 I'm sort of relying on them for their
 knowledge as well so I you know
 obviously I'm taking them for a workout
 giving them everything they need to get
 the best workout ever but I know certain
 people do certain things so i' like to
 dive into questions about their life and
 what they're doing and all that sort of
 stuff so I can go oh yeah they do it
 this way maybe I can do it that way type
 thing so yeah see it's comparison but
 yeah but it's in in a good
 way what you lost I thought there was a
 m is there a mouse in here possibly
 anyway um I've seen it okay forget about
 that um yeah it's so everybody list
 listening really good thought experiment
 I reckon if you do it and spend the time
 doing it who's the five closest people
 you spend the most time with yeah yeah
 that's really I that leads me into the
 next three areas that I want to talk
 about perfectly because it's the ways
 that we compare ourself so I think if
 you're thinking about The Five People
 You spend the most time
 with also think about why they you have
 them around you and how you're comparing
 yourself with them
 because how we compare ourselves with
 people is usually a driver to why we
 hang around with them so for an example
 there's three social
 comparison behaviors that we have
 downward comparison upward comparison
 and lateral comparison so downward
 comparison is when you engage in
 comparing yourself to someone that is
 worse off than you in an effort to
 enhance your own self-esteem and maybe
 alleviate feelings of inferiority so
 maybe one of the five people around you
 you could be using to help you feel
 better about yourself so that's downward
 comparison upward comparison is the
 opposite so that's when you engage in
 comparing yourself to people that are
 better off than you um and that can help
 you set higher standards for better or
 worse and maybe motivate motivate you
 for self-improvement so that's probably
 a positive type of friend to have around
 you and then the third one is sort of
 neutral so lateral comparison so you
 compare yourself to people that are a
 similar status or in a similar situation
 to
 you and I think all of them have like
 their place right um but I think it's
 very easy yeah to when we have the five
 people around us just maybe Overlook why
 why are they around you and like do you
 want them to like do you want to
 be downward comparing yourself to
 someone that you call your friend and
 then is that friend upward comparing
 thems to you and is that positive or
 negative yeah and I think you got to do
 a lot of self-work in that as well yeah
 because if you've got a friend around
 that you're comparing down to and not
 realizing and they're also comparing you
 down that can be quite toxic yeah but
 also could be good in a way that they
 you're pushing each other to achieve
 more but again it's very hard to see in
 the moment and yeah definitely thinking
 through times where I've been around
 people like through work all that sort
 of stuff that I've had to be around that
 aren't people that I would associate
 with it's very hard not to pick up like
 those Tendencies of judging yourself or
 comparing yourself and sometimes either
 can be bad like comparing yourself
 against somebody else and saying you're
 better and then you at the same time you
 don't know what they're going through so
 yeah yeah exactly you might be comparing
 you say saying your life is 10 times
 better than theirs and you know their
  person but you also don't know what
 they're going through as well yeah and I
 think social media just makes this even
 more difficult because we we've only
 been talking about comparing yourself to
 your five closest people right but maybe
 that was the case how long has social
 media been around for I don't know 20
 years 30 years 10 years I'd say 10 years
 in the way that it is now probably 10
 years I'd say maybe even less really
 seven 5 to seven years in the way okay
 let's talk about like in the last 3
 years 5 years even um we've never been
 able to compare ourselves to as many
 people and as frequently and for as long
 a periods as we can right now like never
 ever in history so I'm interested to see
 how evolution is going to use this is it
 going to be used is anything going to
 change about us um but I think yeah like
 maybe 5 10 years ago you would go to
 work and they would be the people you
 would compare yourself with or your
 friends you compare yourself with but
 now you can if you feel inferior you can
 get on social media and you can find
 someone to make you feel better or worse
 about yourself constantly 24 hours a day
 anytime that you like and like what is
 that doing to your progress you know
 what I mean do I don't think that I can
 think of any situation where it's helped
 me personally or I know that it's helped
 someone else by they feel about
 themselves they get on social media and
 they look like and they're looking for
 something that isn't there Andrew hubman
 used an analogy a maybe a year ago now
 about how humans scrolling on social
 media looking for validation or looking
 for something to boost their self-esteem
 is the same as if you were to see a dog
 in the corner of a room digging for a
 bone that isn't there and you would
 probably label that dog as insane
 because it's just in the corner of the
 room and it's digging and it's digging
 and it's digging for some sort of reward
 That Never Comes and that's basically
 what we do when we scroll on social
 media looking for something to make
 ourselves feel better scking in the
 corner of the room
 yeah it's delusional right but it's so
 normal now anyway and just to add on to
 that the worst thing is say you are
 getting into health and fitness or
 self-improvement insert trying to do
 better here
 somewhere the algorithm on social media
 is so good that'll pick up on that and
 start pumping you full of people that
 are above you in their Journey or
 cheating the system or whatever they're
 doing and it's just like you're trying
 to do this thing but all of a sudden
 you're just bombarded with all these
 people that are doing better further
 along all that sort of stuff so what's
 the point it's yeah that that sucks and
 without even trying it does that yeah
 like you Linger on on a video for like 3
 seconds now and it changes your whole
 algorithm right but let's talk about
 what is normal behavior and what is
 considered abnormal behavior when it
 comes to comparison I think this defin
 this definition is going to have to
 change soon because comparison is so
 different now like we just said so
 normal behavior is defined as social
 comparison Theory suggests that
 individuals engage in comparison to
 evaluate their own abilities opinions
 and emotions in normal behavior
 individuals may compare themselves to
 others to assess their performance seek
 validation or gain information about
 societ societal Norms so that's normal
 because you want to make sure that
 you're are I guess on the right path to
 be a valued part of
 society the abnormal behavior definition
 is in abnormal behavior individuals may
 engage in maladaptive social comparisons
 such as constant comparison to
 unattainable standards that is the
 social media at its peak leading to
 feelings of inadequacy low self-esteem
 or depression abnormal behavior may also
 involve distorted perceptions of
 self-comparison such as overestimating
 the abilities of others or
 misinterpreting feedback from peers so I
 feel like overestimating the abilities
 of
 others is everything that is wrong with
 like Fitness on social media because you
 see 30 seconds of someone that's
 shredded doing like a really sweaty
 workout and you're like oh I need to do
 that sweaty yeah they probably work out
 2 hours a day and maybe I should start
 working out like them to look like that
 Etc um so I feel
 like honestly most people that I know
 fall into the abnormal behavior category
 at this point in time unless they've
 done like a lot of self-work for lack of
 a better term like they know who they
 are they're confident in who they are
 they know what their goals are they know
 where they're going and they only
 compare themselves to the appropriate
 people around them like that would be
 that's that's hard hardly anyone right
 yeah even me some a lot of the time yeah
 I'm just trying to like again
 unfortunately you just don't know what's
 happening behind the scenes like you
 know these people do put their life
 forwards on social media YouTube all
 that sort of stuff but you're really
 only seeing what they want you to see
 yeah
 so the positives are there any positives
 of social media on Fitness Nutrition
 self-development do you think I as soon
 as you brought this topic up I've
 related it to a real life situation and
 yes I do believe there is positives M um
 so for those listening Mac and I are
 trying to get more guests on and I'm
 struggling to find guests so obviously
 we want to be a little bit more
 intentional with our guests it helps us
 grow it helps the podcast grow but I'm
 just not on social media enough and I
 don't follow enough people to be coming
 across people to invite on the show so
 it's like Catch 22 yes there's a lot of
 good people out there releasing good
 content all that sort of
 stuff but
 also you know I I haven't spread my
 wings wide enough so the info I get on
 social media is pretty good A lot of the
 time I follow very
 nich people but they're people that I
 can't invite on the podcast cuz they're
 way above us again that's probably
 comparing you've curated your feed to be
 like that yeah because you want to be
 like that yeah but then like you know I
 I have a good positive experience from
 social media but I have curated it that
 way mhm but at the same time I feel like
 I need to maybe go a little bit wider
 have a less good experience to get find
 some people that we can invite on the
 podcast but how do you necessarily need
 to do it like that how did Tim Ferris
 used to do it he just had a good yeah
 true he sort of done it before the whole
 social media thing didn't he
 yeah but yeah so I think you do
 highlight a
 positive aspect in that you've created a
 but is it positive or is it negative you
 you have created your own Community
 online but you you aren't necessarily an
 integral part of the community the
 community is fake to a certain extent
 like you get on social media and you see
 the same people who you like put on a
 pedestal and maybe want to achieve simar
 things to them but you are not
 necessarily a part of that Community you
 know what I mean but you've created it
 it's like an illusion that you are a
 part of it is that good or is that bad
 because are you lacking the actual sense
 of community that we need as humans yeah
 yeah definitely you go online and you're
 like yeah I know these people but you
 don't know them you know what I mean
 they don't know me yeah they don't know
 you yeah um so yeah I guess the positive
 is like the community is it good or is
 it bad I think the other positive is
 potentially motivation that's probably
 the only positive I get from social
 media um I get ideas sometimes for
 things to discuss on the podcast um but
 otherwise yeah I do get motivation from
 social media I'll be honest but it's
 probably negatively fueled because I'll
 go on there and I'll be like I can't
 really be going to the gym and
 then I will purposely go and look at gym
 videos of girls that are way bigger than
 me way stronger than me look way better
 than me and I'll be like oh God I need
 to go to the gym but that is negatively
 fueled but at least it got me to the gym
 yeah you know what I mean and it t and I
 feel like you can do that cuz you've
 done a lot of self-work yeah where a lot
 of other people may not have done all
 that work and understand their emotions
 as well would do that and then just give
 up be unmotivated more unmotivated than
 before
 yeah negative aspects unrealistic
 standards everywhere man like every re
 weere all of the girls that I follow on
 social media I follow them because I see
 like they got cute outfits and they
 suggest different supplements and foods
 and I like seeing their day in their
 life kind of
 stuff but then once I get to know that
 they have no personality and they're
 just posting Flex pcks I'm like well I
 could never look like that you know what
 I mean um so there's definitely the
 unrealistic expectations
 everywhere tips for healthy use I feel
 like your biggest tip is curate a
 positive social media feed which sounds
 like you've done well and look sometimes
 it goes the algorthm just again I'll
 watch a stupid video or a video that I
 shouldn't be watching you know
 bodybuilding all this sort of stuff and
 how to do this or and it'll just go down
 a rabbit hole and get stuck I think it
 gets it's getting progressively harder
 to curate your own feed yeah like yeah
 definitely theet has a you just end up
 limiting your time on there yes that was
 going to be one of my points just like
 only go on I try to only go on when I
 know that my brain can handle what it's
 going about to see does that make sense
 like when I can be neutral about what
 I'm going to see that's when I try to go
 on there like if I'm in a mood and
 I know going on there is just going to
 put me in a worse mood then I try my
 hardest to avoid it and do something
 else um yeah what about strategies to
 combat negative self-comparison so like
 you're on social media every time you
 feel bad about yourself you're going on
 social media you feel worse about
 yourself it's a vicious
 cycle I
 think for me the thing that got me to
 where I am now to be able to have the
 neutral mindset would
 be
 journaling I know we I feel like we talk
 about it or we suggest it a lot neither
 of us even do it anymore but both of us
 have to give a lot of credit to it right
 definitely um so I think like just
 journaling about like the question
 questions that we asked at the beginning
 who are you and how do you know who you
 are who are the people in your life that
 influence who you think that you are do
 you want them to have an influence on
 you and just why like why have you come
 to these conclusions you know what I
 mean the other thing that I would
 suggest would
 be creating personal benchmarks
 so achievements that aren't necessarily
 like I want to lose five kilos like that
 sure that's a good Big overarching Goal
 but set little tiny individual goals
 that you can achieve maybe on a daily
 basis or a weekly
 basis to hopefully reduce your need to
 go looking for validation because if you
 can show yourself like if you set
 yourself the goal of I don't know
 walking 8,000 steps a day and you
 repeatedly show yourself that then
 you're giving yourself confidence and
 and validation that you are a capable
 functioning human and you don't need to
 go looking for that
 online do you have do you have any
 others what was the so strategies to
 combat negative
 self-comparison
 um I'm just trying to think back to how
 you did it how I did it and how I do it
 now cuz how I do it now may not work for
 everybody cuz like you know again I've
 been working on this for probably 10
 years now what about read I feel like
 you used to read books
 like I feel like I used to read books by
 people that had uh a stronger mindset
 than I had so that I could learn how to
 build a stronger mindset actually audio
 books oh yeah
 so previous life I was in the
 construction industry previous life and
 I would listen to audio books all day
 every day for a long time and like
 people I'd have I'd be playing it
 through the radio on a job site cuz it's
 very dangerous to have airpods and all
 that sort of stuff and unless you're
 working with Machinery obviously you're
 going to be using it um so I'd have an
 audio book playing through the radio and
 people would come on site like what the
 and honestly like listening to people
 talk about you know whatever it is
 obviously these were a lot of self-help
 books some were good some were very bad
 all that sort of stuff obviously you
 just pick up people that you Vibe with
 and sort of you know and then you know
 they have people maybe on their podcast
 audio book all that sort of stuff so you
 sort of tend to stick to one group so
 I'm not going to recommend anybody
 you've got to sort of do your research
 and see who you Vibe with but I reckon
 audio books just having that voice in
 your ear for 8 hours a day saying that
 you can go and do that it took probably
 four or five years for it to actually
 sink in and go you know what yeah I can
 do that but it you know a lot lot of
 different people and I listen to some
 good audio books several
 times
 probably like maybe even like tens 20
 times and it's just that same voice just
 saying you can go and do that and it's
 just repeat repeat repeat and then you
 go try you do fail but then it's like
 you just keep
 listening and eventually it just sinks
 in and you start doing I feel like also
 it's overlooked the power of
 uh subliminal messaging so like you're
 having it on the work side maybe you're
 not listening to it word for word but
 you're still hearing it even if you're
 not listening to it you are your brain
 is hearing it because that's just its
 job is to hear everything around you and
 the more you do that the more you are
 just going to start to believe it right
 yeah 100% um the last one on like
 combating this that I really wanted to
 talk about was embracing your
 individuality so I think the biggest
 part of self-comparison is that we want
 to be like other people so that other
 people like us because in an Ideal World
 We like ourselves so if I'm more like
 you then you're more inclined to like me
 as a person and I think like that's very
 prevalent on social media like with
 trends like someone will start doing
 something and then hundreds of thousands
 of people are doing it because oh wow
 the audience really liked that so I'm
 going to do it so that they like me you
 know um and I hate that I hate Trends I
 hate Trends period I hate people wearing
 the same clothes people wearing the same
 shoes
 people all pretending to be interested
 in the same thing I hate it
 because we are meant to be different
 like the whole reason of building a
 social network is that we have lots of
 different people that have different
 abilities and skills and things to
 contribute in the community right so why
 do we all want to be the same why do we
 all want to look the same that is so
 boring could you imagine if everyone's
 body looked the same if everyone ate the
 same thing if we all had the same hair
 eyelashes Nails
 clothes we're all clones what's the
 point what's the point of anything so I
 feel like really yes compare yourself to
 where people are if you want to be
 better in that aspect but take maybe
 that comparison and twist it to how you
 can apply it to you you individually so
 maybe you see someone online and and
 they're really fit and you're like cool
 I want to be fit but I don't necessarily
 want to look exactly like them I want to
 be my fittest version of myself rather
 than I just need I just need her stomach
 does that make sense yeah definitely I I
 again I get that now but just trying to
 think of why I actually get that now I
 just you at a certain point you just
 realize that no matter what you're going
 to be even if you're the sexiest person
 on Earth you're going to get judged or
 you're the ugliest person you're going
 to get judged and anywhere in between
 get judged
 but again it's hard to you know are
 people judging you or you just worried
 about what you just think people are
 judging you yeah just be com I feel like
 just be like you can't be the same as
 anybody so you might as well just be
 yourself you know what I mean I feel
 like just being yourself is the most
 confident kind of like you kind of
 thing you can do in society now because
 but it is scary to be
 absolutely it takes practice and maybe
 you just need to start being yourself
 like in small doses around people that
 you
 trust um just to test the waters and get
 used to it and like make yourself
 realize that people aren't going to
 reject you from the tribe if you aren't
 the same as them because I know I don't
 like people that are like me I'm
 annoying I'm very anal I'm very fussy I
 have very high expectations if I had
 five friends that were the same as me
 forget about it you know like variety is
 better so don't think that you have to
 fit into some kind of box just to
 be accepted I don't know um the last
 thing that I want to talk about was
 overcoming fear of judgment in public
 Fitness spaces
 because walking into the gym when you're
 starting to exercise and immediately
 comparing yourself to the 20 people that
 are exercising is
 terrifying do you have any advice
 because I feel like you guide a lot of
 people through this exact
 experience get somebody to guide you
 through it um obviously it's hard to
 find a good person to do that because
 there can just be you know some people
 could make it worse for you um as in
 getting a personal trainer or just a
 coach or whatever um it's look it's very
 hard and I see look I see people do it
 every day in the gym
 new faces come in you know they don't
 last some do I really want to talk to a
 lot of people that do last just
 to you know hey you've been coming in
 pretty much every day for the last six
 months
 why but it's sort of a creepy way to
 approach it especially if guy you to say
 it like that why why are you here um
 because I would love to know that I I
 figure if I can figure that out would be
 millionaires um but it's it's very hard
 I think think just little bits yeah I
 think people just don't appreciate how
 again uh one guy at the gym David I
 think I spoke about him before he read
 James clear's book about just turning up
 and some days he'd just go to the gym
 and then turn around and go back but he
 got he went and he did it and
 now I probably first met him a good
 couple of months ago and now he's
 actually coming in doing stretching
 doing cardio doing weights all that sort
 of stuff but like for a long time he'd
 just come in do one exercise and leave
 or he'd just come in he he'd force
 himself to come in when there was a
 sports game on that he watched whether
 it was hockey or basketball and he just
 sit on the treadmill and watch it
 because he knew he'd just be sitting
 home so he forced himself into doing it
 so it's just those little things and
 just doing a little bit it doesn't have
 to be a workout you can just literally
 just go in and hide in the corner over
 the room do a thing and then leave um
 and I've noticed that we we sort of talk
 about you
 know what would you call it Trends in
 active wear and we're talking about the
 Apple headphones the other day and uh
 one girl comes in mine and she when she
 first started coming she was in baggy
 clothes You Know
 Hoodie uh jeans tracksuits all that sort
 of stuff but now she's wearing all the
 designer labels and and then the other
 day I seen her she had the Apple I was
 like oh like she's changed a lot
 but again when she first come in she
 wouldn't talk to anybody she just jump
 on the cardio and now she's doing like
 and then she's approached one of the
 other trainers and she's working with
 one of the other trainers in the gym and
 now she's up with all the fitness Trends
 and enjoying her training obviously so
 just give it time exposure it's just a
 little bit of exposure at a time right
 yeah and again without asking why to all
 like you know why it's that's what I see
 them doing just a little bits at a time
 so I assume that that was their goal as
 well over time they just do little bits
 whether they realize it or not I don't
 know that's all I've got yeah that's all
 I can it's it's a it is a hard one the
 only other thing that I can think of is
 finding a friend to go with because then
 you have someone else like a like being
 alone is it's a bit awkward like
 especially when you don't know what to
 do just being alone is awkward but if
 you can find a friend that you trust and
 that you feel comfortable around then
 you have a buffer you can talk to them
 you can giggle together when you do
 exercises that look and feel weird um
 and it's just yeah I've definitely seen
 that as well and then like they'll come
 in individually together so yeah
 definitely that's a good
 option cool okay I think that that will
 do yeah covered a lot in that one yeah
 that was a good one um I feel like we've
 given everybody a bit of a thought
 experiment any final thoughts on those I
 feel maybe just like how to measure your
 progress when you feel like you aren't
 making any progress in comparison to
 other people just like document stuff
 like genuinely write stuff down take
 photos
 Journal um set reminders on your phone
 for Progress that you've made maybe
 start a habit tracker um celebrate your
 small victories share your small
 victories with people do as many little
 things as you can to remind yourself
 that you are in your own race and you
 are making progress because it's very
 easy to forget about doing all of those
 things and just look around at all the
 people that are further ahead of you and
 want to give up so just try and set as
 many things in place as you can to
 remind yourself of your own personal
 progress um and my final one would be to
 go back to journaling just one more time
 uh so when Mac and I first started
 journaling uh I don't think I was doing
 it before I met you I think you probably
 started me on it but anyway uh we did it
 every single day and then we went from
 every day to every couple of days then
 once a week then once a month and now we
 still do it yearly so you can actually
 go back and listen to our yearly Journal
 so every year at New Year's Mac and I
 record a podcast talk about the year
 that's been and what's coming up the
 year um in like our goals for the next
 year and for us that's just a good way
 again to keep track see where we're
 traveling are we moving forward are we
 happy where we are all that sort of
 stuff um so literally you can go back
 and can listen to the last 2 years of us
 doing it true so that's scary yeah but
 we can we like to put it out there so it
 gives you ideas and maybe the confidence
 to do it yourself obviously you don't
 have to create a podcast and release to
 everybody but you can just do it for
 yourself we do it for ourselves it's
 pretty cool to have that record in audio
 uh platform as well um so I'd recommend
 doing that you can also if you go to
 Institute collective.com
 collection there is is a journal prompt
 PDF that you can download and it's got a
 bunch of Journal prompts for daily
 weekly monthly 100% free yearly because
 it is hard to know how to start
 journaling and I definitely didn't start
 just writing things out I started with
 prompts and guides Etc so and their
 questions from like our favorite
 journals or prompts yeah we've both
 tried different journals different
 prompts some you don't even use CU
 they're so bad some are really good you
 use them up so we've just compiled all
 the best ones and put it there for you
 for free so you can start awesome
 obviously as always if you've lasted
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 one of your five that you're comparing
 or not comparing or comparing side
 comparing with uh but we know a lot of
 you have been doing that so we do
 appreciate when you do that uh we
 absolutely blown away every time people
 start tuning in we get more views we
 appreciate you being here so thank you
 again and we'll see you all in the next
 episode bye