A Man's Challenges in Todays Society

Make money, get jacked and you will be happy… right!?

That’s one of the messages society pushes men to think……. That this will make them happy.

In today’s episode I have an in depth discussion with Arhen Lynch Potter about the “norms and  stories” we hear and the massive repercussions that can have on men in today’s society.


Thank you again Arhen for being an amazing guest and for the impactful work you are having in men’s lives.
IG: @ahrenlynchpotter
The Mental Dietician Podcast

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(00:00:00)

Embracing Emotional Growth and Self-Worth

(00:12:41)

Masculinity, Competition, and Growth

(00:25:08)

Overcoming Challenges and Embracing Growth

(00:29:43)

Self-Love and Emotional Growth

(00:40:38)

Emotions Trapped in the Body

(00:49:05)

Ancient Wisdom and Self-Discovery

(00:58:33)

The Journey to Self-Acceptance

(01:06:08)

Navigating Personal Growth and Healing

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Transcript

Arhen Lynch Potter: 0:00

Making five grand in a month and 10, then 15, then 20, then 25, and the most I ever made in a month was 37. And it didn't change anything.

Nathanael Burke: 0:13

As humans, we experience a wide range of crazy emotions, and these emotions can come up during challenging times that seem to hit us out of nowhere. That's the purpose of this podcast to teach you how to move through these difficult situations and harness these emotions that we feel to be able to create the life that you want. My name is Nathaniel Burke and I'm the host of the Emotional Fitness Podcast. I hope you enjoy. All right, aaron, thank you so much for being on the show. I'm super pumped for this one.

Nathanael Burke: 0:44

I saw a few weeks back that you were doing podcasts and first of all, I love the name the Mental Dietitian. I think it's such a great name for a podcast. More importantly, I listened to an episode yesterday and I was like instantly I was like I need this guy on the podcast. I love what you're talking about. I love what you're doing. It was so good. I love what you're talking about. I love what you're doing. It was so good. It resonated with me. It was, I think, the podcast name was being a man or the Masculinity Side, and I was just like this is awesome. You're making all these great references and I was like I need this guy on the podcast. I just want to talk to you about just what you're doing and who you are. So thank you so much for being here. Of course, man, thank you. So maybe do you want to just take a few minutes and just introduce yourself to my viewers and who you are and what you're doing right now.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:30

Yeah, so my name is Aaron Lynch Potter. I am originally from Australia. I've lived in Canada for about nine, ten, ten years, ten years in August this year. So we ten years in August this year I started my journey in sales actually with you. That was one of my first sales jobs at Good Life Fitness and that was over nine years ago now and I've been in sales ever since then and I love it, man.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:57

I work selling cars right now, but outside of that, about three and a half years ago, it started my kind of journey, looking inwards. In a way I've always looked inwards, but it started with like psychedelic therapy, so I went really deep into that. I have done pretty much every kind of plant medicine you can think of, except iboga, which does not really appeal to me at this moment, but that that the reason I, the reason I went down that path, is I was making more money than I ever had in my life. I was making 15 to $30,000 a month selling cars and I would. My anxiety that I had at the time was actually worse. So I had this story in my head that that if I can make enough money, this feeling that I feel within me will go and it actually got worse. So that was, uh, quite, quite hard to deal with. I ended up getting invited to a men's weekend, uh, and that changed everything for me. So I ended up looking inwards.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 3:05

I went on a three year every three to six months, diving into plant medicine, doing my best, integrated, as best I could. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't, and now I'm at a place where I don't feel like I need anything like that anymore, because the seeking that I was doing, the constant wanting to go to the next thing, the next thing, the next plant medicine retreat, whatever was actually driven by a behavior that, oh, maybe next time I'll figure out why I'm broken. And the very behavior that was pushing, that was, was searching for why there's something wrong with me, is the very hate behavior I was trying to run away from. So it was like a snake trying to. It was like a snake eating its own tail. And last year in July, I had a very big experience where I realized that that was actually the problem, that you don't need to do anything, you're fine how you are during all this time. About a year, year and a half ago, I started, I did a certification to be a psycho-spiritual integration coach.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 4:10

So I'm an addiction recovery coach as well, and I mostly work with people at the moment outside of selling vehicles who are going through ketamine infusions for anxiety, depression, things like that. I've worked with things like that. I've worked with X really high NHL, NFL level coaches. I've worked with real estate agents. I've worked with people who own dozens of businesses and that's kind of really my niche around men who are kind of high achievers that might be successful in one area of their life but are lacking and failing in other areas of their life. So that's what I do now. That's just a little snapshot of where I have come from and where I am now.

Nathanael Burke: 4:51

You know, I love that you're doing that because it's so funny, because right away, and even my old self was like, wow, you made all this money. You must be this, and it's just. It's so fascinating to hear these stories, like you said, is that, even though this was happening, the outside everybody's perception, because if I was to look at you and think, oh, you're doing this, right away you start drawing up these pictures of, oh my God, this, this, this, this, you have all these things lined up. But that's not the case. No, and it's interesting that you're helping people do that now. So it really goes to show you that this surface and maybe it's a guy thing, maybe it's just people but that we like to put up this barrier of like well, look at me, this is who I want everybody to think I am and I'm going to be the absolute best in it, but behind that, it's, behind that, it's just it's. It's not there.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 5:50

You said you have high anxiety. Well, it's insecurity. Yeah, it's it. I I saw this gary v video on instagram the other day where he's like there's two people that work really hard. Yeah, there's ones that are highly insecure. They work in in 12, 18 hours a day, and then there's people that just absolutely fucking love it.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 6:08

And I was like, god damn man, like that insecurity thing was me for such a long time. Like, if I can just think I'm enough for myself, then I'm enough. If I can just get here, like if I can, I drove a 2018 Audi RS5 and it was such an amazing car and it was a cool experience. But I was like, oh, if I have this car, then I'll be enough. If I, yeah, I'm making five grand in a month and 10, then 15, then 20, then 25 and the most I ever made in a month was 37 and it it didn't change anything. And the last months I've had really bad months in the industry. It's been weird and I'm actually really broke right now. So it's on the other end of that, just humbled and just realized that your worth doesn't come from any of that at all.

Nathanael Burke: 6:59

Yeah, and you know what I love. First of all, thank you for sharing and I love your vulnerability in that because it's so funny. We, like you just said, we as society sometimes tie our our monetary, this made-up thing but to our own self-worth, yeah, and it's. And I do understand the idea of like, okay, you do need somewhere to live, you need to have food, you need to have shelter, water, all that kind of stuff, I get it. But to tie, you know, once that's met outside of that, that doesn't like it doesn't change anything. You could still, like you said, you could still be broken on the inside and you said you're happier now. You're making less money now, but you're happier. So it doesn't end and it just to show you like more doesn't mean happiness and you can have more money and be happy, and you can have less money and be happy. So it's just, then, just separating the two.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 7:58

There's always more. That's the problem. Yeah, and do you love yourself for who you are, for what you do? Absolutely, if you love yourself for what you do, what if what you do was taken away from you one day? Because it will be, because what I've worked with people who have retired right, they retire from their jobs oh I'm. Oh, I'm a firefighter, I'm a doctor, I'm a personal trainer.

Nathanael Burke: 8:26

I'm a sales coach.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 8:27

No, you're not, no, that's the part. That's a label you are attaching yourself to, yes, and what happens when that label is no longer? What do you do? Are you not you anymore? Yeah?

Nathanael Burke: 8:38

it's like, fuck, yeah, absolutely no, that's such a good point and this is something I talk to a lot of people, especially in relationships and, again, business owners and anybody but it's just that that's just a part of you. That's just one hat that you put on. You have, yeah, you have your career and that's good. There's nothing wrong with being good at it. It's a beautiful thing to just like apply yourself, but that's just one part of your life. Yeah, then you have the dad or the brother or the son and or you know, the mother or the father, whatever. You have all these other roles that you can play. You're, you're the friend. Sometimes you're like understanding that this, you're a spectrum. Yeah, right, and it's not. And that's the problem and I think what you said is is that eventually it'll leave.

Nathanael Burke: 9:31

I, I can understand that on a smaller scale, but as an athlete, playing football for years, and that like separation to finally not I had a bad injury, had I was having a kid at like 20 I was like, holy shit, my life is changing radically, because that's not where I envisioned it a year ago and it was like a bit of like depression and shift of like. Why am I? I'm not an athlete, what am I? Because I've dedicated over half my life, at least on my waking days, for the last eight years, or six years up to that point. So you have this like holy crap, who am I, what am I even doing? And then you realize you're like right, that's just a part of it, that's just just one thing that you're doing for that time yeah, it's an ego death.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 10:13

You have to go through ego deaths throughout your entire life. Like, yeah, your 20s, like most men in their early 20s, they're looking at chasing girls and looking at this, yeah, and I see people, especially where you live in colona, that are 50 year old, 20 year olds. So they're still taking chicks out on the boats, they're still juiced out on steroids, they're still. They're still there. So they are stuck in the maturity level of their 20s. They haven't accepted that. They're 50 60. It's crazy, especially in Kelowna.

Nathanael Burke: 10:45

yeah, and, and you know, just to add to that, there is nothing inherently wrong with having a boat, no, inherently wrong with taking your friends out on the boat and doing this and working out. There's not, it's not. But you know, there's a difference, because the people, when you talk to those people, it's like what's driving them? Driving them, it's the things they talk about. All the time You're like okay, well, clearly that's all important, that's that seems to be what's important to you. Versus, do you realize you have these other facets of your life that you can be absolutely wonderful and and still have that?

Arhen Lynch Potter: 11:18

Yeah, they haven't. They haven't transitioned that ego death out of their 20s and then accepting oh, you're 30. Then, oh, now I'm 40. These different seasons of life that we're in, you meet people that they're. The driving force behind what they do is what you described. They talk about it. They talk about sleeping with girls in their early 20s and they're in their forties, fifties, sixties, and you're like like, yes, like I get it.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 11:51

I I went through that phase, but I was in my early twenties and I think every man should go through that phase because, just because it's part of maturing, in a way, it's you're exploring who you are, you're exploring what's going on. But some people get stuck there. The partying, the, the bendering, the cocaine, the alcohol, the all of that it's they get stuck there for decades yeah, and you know what?

Nathanael Burke: 12:17

I think the common thread there I would say is moving away from self, yeah, moving away from filling your own needs. Because I think you know, I play in a competitive men's football league and there's a just you get a range of guys and it's awesome, I love it, there's a good community there. But but you get a range of men and and we play with 20-year-olds and you can see how they lose a game and their ego is just plummeted or they make a bad play and their whole ego is just destroyed. And you have guys on the other end that have been doing it for their 40, 50, and they just want to go out there and have fun and hang out with their guys. And you have guys that are also 40 and 50 and they're trying to fight dudes and you get these just range of personalities.

Nathanael Burke: 13:10

Yeah, but it's interesting because the guys that always seem to draw I don't say draw the attention, but that I'm always like, oh man, I like like just inspired by it's the guys that are.

Nathanael Burke: 13:23

They seem to perform well, but they're it's not about self, it's about their team, it's about bringing people up, and then, when you start talking to these people.

Nathanael Burke: 13:33

There's a few of them I can think of now and I'm not saying they have everything figured out, because I don't think anybody really does, but just that they're constantly about their team and it's constantly about and they're we're not talking like good looking guys that are athletes, that are doing, you know, have the career and all these things, but I can think of a few that are just constantly about their team and bringing people up.

Nathanael Burke: 13:56

And I think that's that shift of you know, that 20 to 30 year old shift is how can I now let's I don't need to necessarily bring my own ego up how can I feed, how can I help somebody else, how can I lay a path for somebody else and bring them up? Yeah and truly, that's what leadership is anyway, right, and those are the most influenced guys. It's just, it's bringing others up around you, which is such a beautiful thing and I think that's a hat that I feel like most men to some degree want to do. But, as you said before, there's two. They're still in that 20 year old version of themselves yeah right, yeah, they haven't.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 14:36

They're still stuck in. I don't know if you ever read the book king warrior, magician lover I know of the archetype, so I yeah, it's super good yeah, it's, those men are stuck in like a boy psychology, where boy psychology is about dominating, winning, like hyper competitiveness.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 14:55

A man's a man's like a healthy man psychology as what carl jung like really went into 150, 100 years ago which is what that book is based about is like nurturing other men as a man, like being a healthy, masculine man, is about uplifting other men and it's not about beating them. Or, for example, I went into a jiu-jitsu competition yesterday. Okay, that's full of healthy men, like at the white belt level. It's they're just kind of dipping their toes in the water. You see a lot more injuries, right? Yeah, I saw broken arms yesterday, like three, three of them, all white belts, their ego. They're in a fully locked arm bar. They won't tap and I don't know why. It's like your arm's gonna break, just tap. It doesn't matter, like who cares and yeah, tap, and I don't know why. It's like your arm's gonna break, just tap, it doesn't matter. Like who cares and yeah, tap, and they snap their arms.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 15:49

Then I'm at a blue belt level and I'm going with guys that have been doing it for probably three to five years most of them, and I have a maturity where you go out there you're literally like this guy's trying to snap my leg, I get out of it. This other guy. We're trying to hurt each other. As soon as it's done, give each other a hug like a great match man like. And there's no, we care about each other and there's a bond that we have each other because we have competed in combat with each other, and there's something very special about that yeah, but it's not, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to hurt them.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 16:25

We have these agreed upon terms that, yes, as soon as I tap your hand and we fist bump, I'm going to try and hurt you, but I'm not going to. If I get a good position, I'm not going to try to snap your leg, but if you don't tap, you will get your leg snapped, things like that. Yeah, so it's just the difference between a healthy masculine level of wanting to compete with other people, but you don't want to like take their soul, you don't want to shatter them, you don't want to like destroy their lives. Yeah, and little kids and little boys, kind of you see it, you see it everywhere man like vindictive, just like going out of, out of your way to really hurt somebody. For what? Because it makes you feel good. Yeah, yeah, it's, I don't know no, I agree.

Nathanael Burke: 17:15

I think the the difference there and because we've and I'm saying this personally, but I'm sure you've been there, well, we've been there in our 20s and teen you late teens and 20s like I'm just gonna hurt somebody because I can, yeah, and I think the the evolution there or the the growth there is that it's not that there's no aggression, it's not, it's that it's controlled aggression, yeah, and the key there is controlled.

Nathanael Burke: 17:43

It's knowing there's a time and place where I'm going to go all out, but as soon. But understanding that, like once that, once you tap or, like I said, I don't do mixed martial arts, but I know a lot about, or know enough about, jiu-jitsu is that once this is plays over, or once this you know, you tap, it's done, that's it. You're not my enemy, no right. But there's something beautiful about that because it makes both of you stronger, because you learn how to win and you also learn how to lose, yeah, and that's what it's about is like, if you can't handle, you need to be able to handle both of those gracefully and just being able to use it as a lesson.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 18:25

Yeah, that's why I'm such an advocate for men to do some kind of martial arts, because, for many reasons. Reason number one is it gives you confidence. It gives you confidence and if you feel safe within yourself, then if you are with a woman, the feminine responds to safety. They will not. You will not have this amazing relationship with a woman unless they feel safe. Sorry, if you're not a safe man, you won't be able to. They won't relax into their femininity, they won't open themselves up to you, they won't, they just won't, and and and if they, if you're not safe, they will have to step into their masculine energy, which is competitiveness. Um, it can become this, and here's the thing that dynamic is is fluid. There's some couples, I know, that the man is more feminine and the woman is more masculine. That's just how it works for them and it changes and it's like this flowing thing. But a lot of men want to be the masculine man in the relationship.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 19:28

I always pose a question if you cannot defend yourself physically and you know that, you just know that how could you ever feel safe within yourself? And if you can't feel safe within yourself, subconsciously, at a soul level, whatever you want to call it. The woman will potentially know that you can't. Potentially there's other ways of providing safety. There's financial, there's emotional. There's so many ways of providing safety. But I think, at the core of being a man, if it's really important to know that, hey, like I can defend myself and my partner, if I'm out there in society and some guy is maybe high on drugs and gets too close, like I can, I don't feel scared. Obviously, apart from the situation, you always feel a natural fear, but I have some skills, I know what to do to be able to mobilize this person and I feel safe enough. That's what is a really important thing for men, thing that that martial arts provides I've seen, is it gives somebody, like you said, controlled violence.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 20:32

Violence, especially with another man, is probably the most intimate. You can be with them in a non-sexual way. Violence is quite intimate. You literally it's. It's this very strange kind of you know how it is, even playing, probably football and like, like, really like smashing into somebody. There's this like bond, especially if what? If? You're like a tight end and you're just facing the same guy all day and you're like looking at him, you're like you have this bond where you're like I'm gonna get you. It's like, no, I'm gonna get you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it provides this really like healthy place to explore violence and aggression. Yeah, but there's, you're in a container. Yeah, just like you create a coaching container with your clients, so do I you're in this container that if shit really goes sideways, you're not really going to get hurt like you, unless it's an accident. Yeah, and it's also a way for men to gather with each other. Most men don't gather in each other in a healthy way anymore. They what? They go to the bar, yeah, they maybe play a sports team, like. That's a healthy way for men to gather, exploring that way.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 21:44

I just think that if, if you're not doing some kind of physical activity it doesn't necessarily have to be martial arts I say that I'm biased because it's helped me get a lot of confidence in myself. I was, I was bullied a lot growing up. I didn't have any confidence. I made myself small. I don't do that anymore because I don't need to. Yeah, and you only do that when you feel fear. Yeah, and if you feel fear just by existing, then you'll shrink, you'll shrink, you'll just constantly shrink. So, yeah, that's that's why I'm kind of biased about men doing some kind of martial art, whether it's boxing, kickboxing, muay thai, mma, brazilian jiu-jitsu, something like that thai mma, brazilian jiu-jitsu, something like that?

Nathanael Burke: 22:27

absolutely no, I agree with you. I think to add that, yes, men, coming together is so good, it's a bond. You're creating brothers. You are building an expanded village, if you will. Yeah, and when you're on, I I come from the team side and I think it's so playing basketball, football, whatever. I think it's so critical because now you're creating brothers that you know will be there and you really get to learn who they are, because not only do you see how they win, but you see how they handle loss, and I think that's even more important.

Nathanael Burke: 23:04

Yeah, but you see how they handle loss, and I think that's even more important. Yeah, because it's because, you know, are they the type of person that blames and gets angry, points fingers, or are they somebody that takes it upon themselves? Right, and I think I'm on a team now that is just so wonderful and we have a great group of guys that we all just come together and it's whether we're winning or losing, it's, it's nobody's. You know, there's no hero, for lack of better term. It's like we did it, and when we lost, when we lose, it's like we lost. And our leaders and being one of them, we've all adopted this mentality, just that, like we're constantly trying to bring each other up, and it's not pointing the fingers, it's always owning your, owning your side.

Nathanael Burke: 23:45

First. We played yesterday and I played terrible. I did not have a good game, you know, I think there's a scrimmage, but it was just that, like right now, like I gotta be better. I know I gotta be better, and and it takes humility to do that, it takes courage, but it also builds a huge amount of strength. It's it's a weird thing because you think, oh, we're showing weakness, like no, like I have enough strength to look inside and go like I can be better. So if you keep doing that and that's what I love about coaching as well, not just like with relationships and businesses, but with athletes is that you get to do that and you get to show them that there's actually a huge amount of strength and looking inward and trying to constantly improve yourself, and it's such a, it's such a wonderful thing.

Nathanael Burke: 24:30

So I wanted to ask you a few questions. So, what is so? The old name of the podcast is kicked in the junk, and I liked it just because sometimes you have these moments where just life hits you with this like thing that's just so tough to handle. So but and I wanted to incorporate that into this and, being the emotional fitness podcast, I think there's a lot of value there. So what are? Do you have a moment, a kick in the junk moment, or a moment where you just felt like life just hit you so hard?

Arhen Lynch Potter: 25:03

Oh, so many, dude. When my mom got diagnosed with cancer when I was about 18, 19,. She survived. When I moved to Canada and I remember starting at Good Life and I went to get on the bus on the corner of Kalo and Pandozzi, I think, yeah, and the bus fare was 225. Right, I had two. I literally had two dollars to my name. At two dollars to my name. I had a two dollar coin. And I went on the bus and I was like, hey, man, this is all I've got. And he looks at me, he's like it's 225. And I was like I don't have, I don't have any money to get to work. And he's like just get on the bus, keep your two dollars. I was like I'm just sitting there on the way to good life and like borrowing 20 off Brad, brad Petrie, which is this other Australian guy that I started training with and just and just like here's what's funny that day I made my first sale. I sold a year's worth of training which was like 7 700 and you got to pay 10 commission at the time, yeah, and I remember I was like I just made 770 today.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 26:18

And then that first sale, from going from that feeling of like I'm a piece of shit, like how the fuck did I get to the place where I have two dollars to my name? I'm on the other side of the world, I don't know anybody, I have no family here, I don't really have any friends. Well, like I'm just so immensely alone. I just remember that feeling of like I'm alone. I'm like 21, 22 at the time, and I was like what, what am I doing? Like how did I get here? Yeah, and then that day I that day I felt the complete opposite. Like 5 pm I butchered the contract. I had no idea what I was doing.

Nathanael Burke: 26:51

Nobody was there to help me.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 26:53

But this guy agreed to it. I remember going through the entire sales pitch and he was like, yeah, let's do it. And I was like, holy shit. I remember that feeling. I was like it expanded who I thought I could be. Because I was like if I could make 770 dollars in a day from selling this personal training and then I get to help them, I get paid I think it was 20 bucks an hour for yeah, yeah, the. I was like my brain just expanded. I was like, oh, you don't have to, you don't have to work for like an hour, figure per a dollar, figure per hour. It just to expand everything. That kind of really got me started in sales and I started getting very good at it after that Because I always put people over profits. I always did that. I always cared about the person. That was one kicked in the junk moment and I've had a lot since then. Man, I seem to have them. I haven't probably won a year, which is good I love your mentality with that.

Nathanael Burke: 27:55

Yeah, I got one a year.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 27:57

It's great because it if you can handle it and and if you can and if you, it's like I had one in july when I, when I I drank ayahuasca for the first time. I started with ayahuasca for the first time. I wanted to do it for years. I wanted to join the ayahuasca club so many people do that. They're like, and it wasn't that I wasn't ready for it, but I it just shattered me. It took away everything that that think about who you identify as basically shattered all of that and I had to rebuild myself and then I didn't do it properly. And then december, I had to relive the entire experience over a week-long period when it was wild. It was. It was wild and basically what it was. It was navigating all the shadow parts of myself that I did not love, yeah, and that was very uncomfortable. Yeah, all the shame. Yeah, shame is a very interesting emotion where if I said, hey, nathaniel, you don't want to talk about shame no, yeah, nobody wants to talk much, it, it, it wants to hide.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 29:07

All addiction is rooted in shame. There's no exceptions to that. None, zero. Anything that you hide from is rooted in shame. Going back to men's emotions, a real man does not hide from anything, including himself. So if there's emotions that you are not expressing, things, you're not expressing things you're not feeling, it's because you feel ashamed. It's there's emotions that you are not expressing, things you're not expressing things you're not feeling because you feel ashamed, it's because you feel that shame's greatest fear is, if you finally had the courage to share what you would share, that you would be rejected yeah, but the antidote to shame is love, yeah. So I had to learn to love all these parts of myself that I said I could never love. Like just crazy, crazy things. Like, could you love yourself if you're in a wheelchair?

Arhen Lynch Potter: 29:55

yeah, you can't do jiu-jitsu anymore, that's a tough one could you love yourself if you're a vegetable in a vegetative state? Could you love yourself if you were gay? Yeah, could you love yourself if you, if you weren't who you, if you weren't you, whatever it may be like, it literally hit me with every if you had cancer, if you knew, if you had terminal cancer and you knew you were gonna die, could you love yourself if you were 350 pounds? If you right all these different things, that's what I had to go through.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 30:29

It was wild and it showed me all of it that's crazy yeah, it showed me all of it and I had to feel it all and experience it all it was a lot, yeah, but you know what it it?

Nathanael Burke: 30:44

it makes me think of the emotional flexibility or the emotional fitness that gives you oh and unbelievable. Yeah, and it's because me and my wife talked about the loss. We did a really great workshop yesterday with the couples and I said and something I always mention is, like, you have to love your partner and this is talking about in a relationship you have to love your partner in all aspects of them. You have to love that pain. Yeah, they're, they're awful, terrible, worst version of themselves. You have to love it. Yeah, and you have to love the best version.

Nathanael Burke: 31:16

And then, like you said, it's you've got to flip that inwards and that's sometimes tougher, it's really difficult, it's much, it's it's much tougher and and I know I've had to go through this experience myself, not that per se, but it's something I was constantly having to explore and look at what are the areas I don't like about myself and why and I don't think you need to do ayahuasca, but I also get it I do get it Because it's like, hey, this is a catalyst and this is just happening. But I feel the exploration side, it's like right, why don't I love myself that way? Why am? And you know, for men it can go. It can range from money. Those are his big ones. Why don't I earn this money to sex? Oh, why do I have this? Why do I, you know, why can't I last four hours like they're doing porn? Like what I mean? Like like this, like wild, yeah, ridiculous things, but but there's, there's shame that gets built there, especially around sex and money.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 32:16

Oh for sure, performance I think it's around performance. Yes, yes, if you can't perform as a man, does that mean you're not a man?

Nathanael Burke: 32:24

yeah, that's yeah, and a lot of yeah. I'm gonna say ego, men, strong ego would go yeah, you're not a man, it's like. No, that's not, that's just. Again, it's coming back to that sliver. It's just a sliver, it's just a pot. A pot, a range of who you can be.

Nathanael Burke: 32:43

But the beautiful side of that is that when you dive into it and you love yourself there for those mistakes and that's the toughest part I've always constantly have to do is, you know, look back at past relationships, look back at past mistakes and be like thank you, thank myself, because I did the best I could then and that's such an easy practice and then look at how that that incident got me to who I am today. Yeah, so thank the little boy that got bullied. For myself I was bullied. Thank him, you know, even though I could look back with him in anger and he was weak and he was this and this and this, but he got me to here. Yeah, and he was critical in that. Yeah, thank him. I actually didn't think I was gonna get emotional there, but it's thank him for being that who he was then.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 33:47

Yeah, he did his best man, yeah, and he didn't have the tools and he also didn't have. When I coach men, I'm like most men, it's crazy. Most men, they they don't even know it. They are right now who, what, who they needed when they were a kid. That's what their driving factor is yes, yes, like who you are right now coaching people the relationship. I could probably make a fairly accurate guess. It might be off that there's the reason why that is maybe your mom and dad didn't have the relationship you wanted and maybe you didn't have the masculine figure that you really needed in your life when you were that little bully or that getting like bullied as a kid yeah. So now you are that man and now when you are helping maybe younger athletes, you are what you needed, yeah, so it's like.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 34:44

It's like I imagine like the 12 year old, nathaniel, and I think you're, how old are you now? 34, 35, 36, 34, yeah, 35 this year, yeah, yeah, 34. So imagine like the 12 year old and the 34 year old like looking at each other, yeah, and it's just like hey man, be like. Here I am, yeah, yeah, yeah Like. Hey man, here I am, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that you? It's like yeah, yeah, you can be this. You help me be this. So, whatever it is you're going through right now, I know it's tough, I know it's hard, I know it's fucking. You get home after school every day and you're like what the fuck? And you feel alone and it's horrible and those boys are mean and they're stronger than you and they laugh at you. But I am this because of what you are going through, right now, absolutely, I 100 agree.

Nathanael Burke: 35:36

I think that was one of the main reasons. So, two, I had. A reason why I got into fitness is one I had a good influence, thankfully, with my dad. He worked out all the time and I always watched him work out. So I was like, okay, this is good. Um, and it was a good influence. So I started working out. But then part of it too was I was the skinny kid. I was like you know, I had like, maybe not short, but definitely was the skinny kid, and even my dad would say, oh, your brothers are sicker than you, and this, this and this and one day, and all this sort of stuff. And you know, I'm not blaming him, he just he was doing what he knew was best. That hurts, though. Oh it hurt, oh it hurts, it absolutely hurts. You're like your dad going like, hmm, like you know you're not.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 36:15

You're not as good as your brothers. That's what. That's what the kid hears yeah, you're not as good as. And then you compare yourself and yeah totally.

Nathanael Burke: 36:24

But you know what, on the flip side, the blessing in it was that if you look at our family because there's six brothers, two sisters wow, super competitive, oh, yeah, all of us super competitive and I'm stepping away from that role now, but in my early 20s I was the most competitive and that was going to win at all costs.

Nathanael Burke: 36:43

So on the upside, it made me a good athlete. Yeah, on the upside, I went at things with a chip on my shoulder with that drive and it drove me to strength training constantly. And it wasn't until I was about 28 that I looked in the mirror one time and went I'm not the skinny kid anymore and it was like this weird, like huh, huh, because I was always a skinny guy, I was always a you know, lean, whatever, and I'm like, oh, I guess I'm not anymore. And they just like this like shift of oh, okay, and I don't have to try to protect myself, I don't have to do this. So allowing it just gives you a perspective shift. So that's the beautiful thing about those moments is it allows you to transition into a better.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 37:32

We let go of a belief that was hurting you yeah yeah, it's not true.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 37:40

Yeah, what if the things you believe just about yourself are not true, the ones that hurt you? Oh, I can't do that because of this. I had a knee injury. I used to refer to myself as I had a bad knee. Yeah, then I had a psychedelic experience where I had immense pain. It's like my knee was like. It was like being stabbed with a knife for four hours. Yeah, I basically released all this energy from my knee and ever since then, I've never said I have a bad knee because I don't, yeah, but I blame my. I blame my knee, I blame be skinny for things.

Nathanael Burke: 38:14

Yeah, yeah you know, I like what you said there with your knee, and this is I find it so powerful because, as you know, our words of power and I think sometimes, especially the younger we are we just throw them around, we say stuff and and unfortunately, sometimes you see it even older adults. But he said if you're like, oh, I have a bad knee, well then, how do you think your body is going to react to that? Okay, truly conscious is like okay, yeah, cool, you got a bad knee. Great, this is just what it is.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 38:46

Yeah right conscious doesn't respond to logic. It responds to whatever you feed it. Yes, so if you're constantly like people like oh, fuck my life, and people say like that, like just, you got to be really careful with what you say to yourself, because the most important conversation you'll ever have is the one you have with yourself and if you're constantly having it, you're constantly having you gotta be really careful with what you say. Yeah, really really careful with what you think, what you say. And if you have these constant things you think about, then they are the deep inner beliefs that you need to do the work around and you need to feel them. That's why a lot of my clients have done talk therapy right.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 39:32

Talk therapy is great if you are with somebody that you feel safe to actually feel the emotions around. But most not I'm going to say most of the people that I've worked with, that I've coached. Maybe it's because the pool of people I'm talking to, they've tried everything and it hasn't worked for them, maybe. So I can't take that group of people and say that it's like that for the entire industry. I can't. But from what I've seen is that you have to feel to heal. You have to feel so. For example, with you that feeling of maybe your dad comparing you to your younger brothers or the older brothers or whoever the bigger, stronger brothers, and you feeling small and weak and like the skinny guy, which didn't change until you're like 28. Until you looked like oh, I can fucking lift hundreds and hundreds of pounds, yeah, yeah, like when I met you, I never thought you were skinny ever. Like I've never seen you and I think you would have been probably 24, 25 at the time, so you hadn't even got there yet. Yeah, so you probably still thought you were skinny. Yeah, but you have to feel how painful that was. You have to cry, you have to let it out. It gets stuck in your somatic system. You know this. People listening know this. Like it causes injury, like it causes illness. Like I had this thing in my scapula, nathaniel, that I couldn't for months. Like I had this thing in my scapula, like right next to my shoulder blade, I would go to massage. I went to fucking Cairo, I went and got acupuncture done. I would put a lacrosse ball in it every day and it didn't do anything. And then I went to a really small gathering where we, we did psilocybin mushrooms, yep, and I was like I want to explore what this pain is. And it was emotional pain. It was stuck in my muscle. It was stuck there and I was able to release it and my scapula didn't. It was gone the next day, gone, the pain was gone. That experience changed my perspective. It changed my perspective instantly of what it meant to be a human being. I was like, like so you're saying that people saw backs? People's injuries could be emotional. They're not always emotional.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 41:55

There's sometimes structural issues. Yeah, for me, I had a structural issue in my knee, but what I did is I constantly talked about the structural issue in my knee. So after the structural issue was actually healed because it was healed I still had the symptoms. Why? Because I built this structure in my mind. I built this structure of who I believed I am. I'm like I'm Iron Lynch Potter. I've had a bad knee since I was 13. So, therefore, I can't run, I can't do this, I can't do that. And then when I had stem cells I had stem cells in my knee it started to heal and I started to feel that that wasn't the case anymore. But I realized how, how attached and how addicted I was to the story. We're all addicted to our own stories. Yeah, is your story creating happiness, abundance to our own stories?

Nathanael Burke: 42:49

Yeah, is your story creating happiness, abundance, peace, or is your story creating suffering? And it's hard? I will say it's hard for most people to hear that because it's like it's the truth and especially and I say, if you're getting angry about hearing that means you need to dive into it.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 43:02

There it is. That, there you go. It just shows that I'm right. And I'm not trying to be right, I'm just saying that you know it to be true and anytime you hear anything that bothers you, triggers you, anytime you meet somebody for the first time, you just don't like them, but you don't even know them. Yeah, because they're showing you a part of you that you don't like yourself.

Nathanael Burke: 43:23

They're a mirror yep, my wife always says that and I remember the first time she's told me that I was like, well, hot damn, I was like, oh, I don't know what to say about that, but I guess I should probably address this. Yeah, but you know what? There's something, there's something humbling about it, as we talked before, but on the other side, there's something so powerful and a huge amount of strength comes with that, because now it's, it's going inwards and addressing me and how I feel. And you know, to touch on the emotional, the emotions trapped in your body.

Nathanael Burke: 44:01

I did a podcast a few ago about that and we talked and the whole topic was trapped emotions. And she made a good point um, barbara was her name and she does amazing work but talking about how trapped emotions cause that physical pain, so motions, motion need to move, yeah, right, and I went, oh, duh, like, of course. So when you're not feeling so and I know it's tough because, especially for men, we've been just trained to feel one emotion really, and that's anger, like, really, like you ask, oh, it's just angry, it's safe you can't.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 44:38

Any other emotion is not safe, but you can express anger and that's all you've got as a man yeah, absolutely, and so that's the.

Nathanael Burke: 44:46

That's been the uh. A message I've always been trying to tell people and this isn't just men, but women as well, if they're living in their masculine a lot is that we can experience those range of emotions. Our great example is yes, yesterday, day before, no, it was yesterday, I can't remember anyway or friday, but I had this. I do, I meditate all the time and I was like I'm gonna switch it up a little bit because I've been doing two a day and I'm like I'm just gonna listen to this, like really beautiful, like music, and I'm just gonna sit and just enjoy it. I'll put the timer for 20 minutes and twice now the same track.

Nathanael Burke: 45:22

I can't explain it. I literally just start yeah, and it's the wildest thing, but it's something that I've been practicing and truly my and I've talked to my wife about this and sometimes her, and it sounds weird, but some guys might go oh, you're crying. It's like I feel so much better after, not just emotionally. Food tastes better, I lit, I can hear things better, I can remember things better, I can I take, take on my day so much more, and I actually have no idea why I'm upset or why I'm crying. I truly have no idea. Sometimes it's. I don't even have thoughts that pop into my head about like, oh yeah, this one time maybe I do. Sometimes most of the time I don't, but I don't allow, exactly, exactly.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 46:09

Are you a dam or are you a river? Because I'd rather be a river, I don't want to be a dam yeah like any man that teases another man for crying.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 46:18

You've just got a giant dam and anytime you see somebody else cry, it pokes a little hole in it and you don't like how that feels, yeah, so therefore, you project your bullshit out onto other people. Yeah, oh ah, just get on with it, mate. Just get on with it. Yeah, just listen. Being a man is sometimes suppressing your emotions and doing what needs to be done. Yes, yeah, but you have to. You can't do that forever. Yeah, you have to. You can't do that forever. Yeah, you have to take time.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 46:48

Nature shows us this Right now. We're going into spring. It's growth, it's rebirth, and we're going to have a nice summer and it's going to be sunshine, it's going to be beautiful and it's going to be awesome. But then things start to shift and they start to shrink and they start to go into fall and things die and the leaves fall off, and they start to go into fall and things die and the leaves fall off, and then you have winter, which is cold, and there's not a lot of growth happening in the time, and you are, you have to retract. Nature retracts sometimes, you it not. It's not always spring, bro. Yeah, it's not always growth. Our entire society is based on that. That's why our society is sick. Every fucking company in the world is like oh, we got to make more money this quarter than we did last quarter. That's literally defying the laws of the universe.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 47:37

That's why we're on, there's this book I'm reading right now which is absolutely mind shattering. It's called Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. You want to get your brain egg beaten?

Arhen Lynch Potter: 47:50

that'll do it it basically, it says we're in a society that is on this. We're on this crash course. Right, we're on this crash course with destruction. Whether or not you believe in global warming, which some people don't believe in at all, you don't have to believe in it to look at the world we live in and look at, we're gonna run out one day like we are, like it's not a matter. It could be a thousand years from now, it could be a hundred years from now. Yeah, way, we're at war with the world.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 48:22

We think we're the rulers of the world. We're the only species on planet earth that thinks that, that thinks that the world was given to us. All major religions are based on the fact that the world was chaos and then came man and and he gave order to everything. Yeah, yeah, how's it going? Yeah, who thought who? Why are we the rulers of everything? Why do we say I'm going out in nature today, I'm gonna go on a nature walk? Yeah, like, because you think you're separate from it? Yeah, and it's, it's crazy, it's nuts.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 49:05

Then we have like peoples, like aboriginal peoples, first nations peoples, people around the world that don't live like that, and then we have labeled them primitive and we've labeled them other, when most of the shit we're talking about, most of this new age spiritual, the ayahuasca drinking people, have been doing that for 5 000 fucking years. Yeah, yeah, gathering in circles with men. The first nation, the navajo people were doing that for 5 000 fucking years. Yeah, yeah, gathering in circles with men. The first nation, the navajo people, were doing that for fucking thousands of years. Yeah, yeah, these idiot white people.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 49:36

Oh, this is actually pretty good. I should put my feet on the earth. This actually feels better than shoes. Like, oh, we're releasing our emotions and all this stuck emotions. Like, oh, this is actually pretty awesome it, yeah, like all these other peoples have been doing that. But yet the last three, four, 500 years, we've labeled that as primitive and stupid. And now we're seeing this cultural shift back the other way, which is why you coach, it's why you can meditate and like listen to this music. That's so beautiful that you're like I'm feeling, I'm not upset, I'm just releasing. Yeah, dude, on Friday I was so anxious in the middle of the day, I just came home and sat on the bed and I just cried and I wasn't anxious anymore.

Nathanael Burke: 50:18

Yeah.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 50:19

It was gone. I was like man. I just I didn't even know that was in me. Yeah, you need to pee sometimes, yeah.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 50:28

Yeah, you need to pee sometimes, yeah, yeah, you need to do a shit to get this stuff out of you because it's in there. But we're in this society that says that is so backwards in so many ways, like there's so many in this book. There's so many. There's so much research on how to split an atom, how to go to Mars, how to do this. Why isn't there like deep research of like, hey, how do you, how do you live, how are you supposed to live? Yeah, are you supposed to feel all your emotions or not feel?

Nathanael Burke: 50:58

them, yeah. Which ones should I feel? Which ones? When should I feel them? Yeah, yeah.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 51:06

We live in a society that's you, that is structured around that you can't do that. Think about the 40-hour work week, think about the schooling, think about the entire medical system. The entire system that we live in, that some people call the matrix, is structured so that it can't. It can't accommodate the ebbs and flows of the unpredictability of human emotions and feelings. Yeah, you have to shove them away to do things that need to be done. Yeah, in other societies, more like tribal societies, like there's this one, there's this one society in africa that if somebody is sick, they ask these four questions and it just blew my fucking mind. I can't find I got so many things, but basically it was. The question number one was like when did you last dance? Yeah. When did you last sing? Yeah, um, one of them was when? When did you lose your enthrallment with story?

Arhen Lynch Potter: 52:31

yeah, any kind of story, yeah, like just a great story. Like could be watching sports, like, yeah, like, oh, this team was lost three in a row and now they're going in the super bowl and you get excited about that, like holy shit, like for all those, and they pass this perfect pass in the playoffs and then they get this touchdown with two seconds to go. Like that's a story. Yeah, that's what people fall in love with, yeah, or the story of a great movie like gladiator or braveheart or lord of the rings. For me, like these stories that are these beautiful examples of a hero's journey, and all of them follow the same thing, where the main villain has this deep connection with the main hero. Yeah, sauron's ring with frodo yeah for example.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 53:19

Or voldemort harry potter is a horcrux for voldemort. They are linked. Star wars you have star wars exactly all that is. It's the yin and the yang. That's what it is. It's like there's a little bit of evil in every good and there's a little bit of good in every evil. And these stories have been told for thousands and thousands of years, and it's just telling the story of you.

Nathanael Burke: 53:45

Yeah, and you know what I love about what you said earlier with the tribes and you know ancient wisdom and traditional, whatever term you want to use, but Just wisdom, yeah, just wisdom, yeah wisdom.

Nathanael Burke: 54:00

But here's the beauty of it. One I would say is that for anybody it's like look at it, just explore it, and it doesn't mean that you need to join a tribe now and do this and then like, you know like, but there's something, there's going to be something. When you start looking at these traditions, these things that they did, that will resonate with you. There's going to be something that you're like, you know what You're right Like. I don't remember the last time I danced.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 54:27

I was like huh danced and I was like huh, that's actually like just in your living room, man just put a favorite song, just kind of let's get moving. It's a fuck.

Nathanael Burke: 54:34

Just have fun like, just move your body a little bit yeah, it's a great example and and it's funny, my wife been saying this to me is like, oh, we haven't gone out dancing well, so we finally, hey, we're gonna go and we don't go out to clubs, I don't even like, but we did and it was a little awkward at first but at the end of the day we went out and we danced and it was a huge smile on her face. I had a smile on my face and it was, it was just fun and it was something different. Yeah, so I would say, look at those traditions, look at anything like that, that where the premise around culture was about the wellness and the happiness of their people, and look at what they do. And how can you do something similar now? It what I don't. Right now, I waska to me and like man, I'm good.

Nathanael Burke: 55:17

But the fact of, okay, what parts of my life do I not? What parts of me do I run away from or do I feel shamed? Let's just like, think about it. Maybe all are good practices just journaling. Let's write it down. Okay, what? Maybe all our good practice is just journaling? Let's write it down. Okay, what parts of my life have I been ashamed of? Write it down for 10, 15 minutes. Right, I started journaling a few months back and I actually don't. For years. I was like I don't journal. I do a lot of deep thought and whatever, but it's interesting just that writing it down, the stuff that comes up, it's amazing.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 55:47

It's amazing how different it is than mulling things over in your head yep, yep. And here's the thing I'll see. Here's the thing I'll say about plant medicines in general. They're not for everybody. I went into them because I took my same extreme mindset of like oh, I could like journal for a year, or I could drink ayahuascaca and feel it all in four hours. That's not for everybody. It can be highly destabilizing. It can be traumatic. Even I've had horror stories. I've had horror stories of people going to the wrong facilities, the wrong places, just weird, weird experiences where it's like, hey, man, this is not for everybody, you don't need any of those things. They're just a tool. There's so many different tools you can use. They're just a tool. They're a great tool. But not everybody uses the same tools. Maybe you're, maybe what you're constructing needs a screwdriver. Maybe it doesn't need a hammer. What I needed at the time was I needed a hammer to shatter everything you need a power.

Nathanael Burke: 56:54

Saw is what you needed a something, just a jackhammer everything like whatever it is you need.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 57:00

And then there's meditation, and there's there's exposing yourself to cold. That's that some people really love that. Some people love fasting. Some people love some people find spiritual growth. Running, running, yeah, running, yeah, like it doesn't matter what it is. It's about finding what works for you and, like nathaniel said, just experiment with it. Research these things, listen to podcasts like this, reach out to people like nathaniel, reach out to people like me.

Nathanael Burke: 57:30

Yeah, like, just do what what feels good to you and use your intuition the whole time totally, and I would say there's some common threads there because unfortunately, the the flip side of that is sometimes people's intuition. So again, if you think of like a place where you've just been so dragged down by media and screen and self and ego, what feels good right now is to party with my friends and drink, and it's like my intuition yeah here's the thing most people's intuition is like a clogged, like drainage system, almost like where it's like so buried.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 58:04

Oh, yes, I, I, I wanted to do this because that's what I wanted to do. Yeah, yeah, like well, what part of you wanted to do that? Let's talk to them. Yeah, that's a good point. What wounded part of you People are like oh, that's just who I am.

Nathanael Burke: 58:22

Okay, well, and here's the reality. It's like it's up to you. If you want to be different, if you want to experience, if you want to experience something different, then you have to do something different. My fate.

Nathanael Burke: 58:33

One of my favorite sayings is like if nothing changes, well then nothing changes so if you're completely happy, doing whatever life you want right now and having this ego or whatever it is, then fine, so be it. But if you're getting to the point where you're starting to feel these things and you're not like you said, you maybe you're something like yourself, what you're making thirty thousand dollars a month and still not feeling good and having these emotions, it's worse there?

Arhen Lynch Potter: 58:56

yeah, it wasn't the answer. What exactly? What I thought was the answer wasn't it? Yeah, which was really painful. Yeah, oh, I thought this would be different. Yeah, I imagined this feeling of when, when I would get to this place to feel different. It felt, honestly, nathaniel. It felt like that for maybe a couple of weeks and I was like I remember when I got my biggest paycheck of my life guy I worked with like congratulations, I had a great month last month and I saw the number it was like 37 grand. I was like cool and I left the office with my paycheck and I was like why don't I feel how I thought I would feel? Yeah, like what the fuck is going on? It was strange. It was like this oh shit, yeah, oh no, oh, this, this. I thought this would be different. Yeah, I, yeah it's.

Nathanael Burke: 59:55

But you know what I've heard the a really good saying. It was when you have the perspective shift there I've heard and use is it's not the goal, it's who you become to accomplish that goal. So, yeah, the money you're like okay cool, but I would say that what's better is the fact you became a certain type of person and you're able to access that side of yourself that could maybe push yourself when it was needed and to be able to grow and expand and learn and learn to connect with people to accomplish that goal and learn the type of work it took to do that. Yeah, which has more value, I would say, than the actual end result. 100 right, because now you can apply that to anything?

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:00:37

yeah, my, it's funny yes and no. And the reason why it's yes is because, yes, I have all these skills. I have amazing communication skills. I have all these skills because what it took for me to get there was directly hurting who I am, because it was like this manic insecurity where I would just load myself up on caffeine Right, like, just talk to myself like a piece of shit constantly. If I wasn't constantly progressing, like less is more sometimes, okay, like less is more sometimes, like I'd rather make a third of that and feel in a piece and get up every day than my nervous system constantly being in overdrive, constantly did I would sweat through. I would sometimes sweat from my armpit to my hip, like every day.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:01:28

I like manically sweat like I would try different deodorants. I would wear sweat proof shirts like it was wild and it was just my nervous system screaming at me.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:01:41

For years I sweated like that from 15 to 28 dude, it was wild. And then there was all this insecurity about it, like I would never buy any colored shirts, only wore black. I would never. I would constantly hiding it so much. Shame like what if somebody sees me sweat? What if? And it was like this, it was horrible, but that's the reality I lived in. I got so used to it that I was like oh, this is just how my life is yeah, yeah.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:02:09

And then when I was able to release all the stuff, I was a damn. I was a damn of emotions. I just didn't know I was yeah, and that that damn of emotions was leaking out of my armpits every day. The anxiety, the fear, it just went as like it's just. Oh, you won't feel it, you'll just. You just ramping yourself up, medicating yourself with caffeine, just going more, more, more, more, more. It's like I live this life that if I run as fast as possible, that light at the end of the tunnel it's like I was running so fast, but the light at the end of the tunnel just kept on getting further and further away. Yeah, but maybe if I run faster, maybe if I make more money, maybe if I do more more, maybe that feeling that I'm looking for, which was just loving myself, accepting myself for who I am, maybe it'll get closer.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:02:58

yeah, and it got further and further away the more I did yeah something that, something that I had a hard time with, too, is I made all that money, but I realized in oh yeah, five months ago, four or five months ago that I was addicted to feeling unsafe. Oh yeah, addicted to it. I grew up feeling very unsafe my entire life, so it's my homeostasis. So most people have an emotional home. Yep, so if your emotional home is feeling unsafe, it doesn't matter how much money you make, you will spend it.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:03:32

So that's why I'm in this season right now where I'm kind of, where they don't have a lot of finances. I mean having a good month this month. I'll make pretty decent money this month, but I'm like rebuilding. I'm rebuilding my life differently, after having a manic two-year period of making really good money but spending it. Spending $25 25 000 on a trip to italy with lexi amazing trip, um, but like doing like making this money and then spending it and then feeling unsafe again because that's my homeostasis, and then then having drive from fear. Then go make a bunch of money, spend it all, feel unsafe again and repeating that pattern. Yeah, and I have I've had conversations with my father and my mom and that was it's.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:04:20

That was actually an example of generational trauma. For me, which is very interesting is that my dad has felt unsafe his entire life. Oh, wow, okay. So if, if, my father has felt unsafe his entire life, like literally since he was very heavy abuse, really bad physical abuse as a child. Yeah, to the point where I've noticed in his life he keeps having these moments where he's unsafe. He's 70 years old, never felt safe. I had this conversation with him in december.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:04:51

When I was so, in february, when I was in australia, which, about a month ago, had some beautiful conversations with my father, I was like have you ever felt safe? He's like no, wow. I was like well, if you're the example of what it means to be a man I grew up with you, how the fuck are you supposed to teach me how to feel safe if you don't? He's like I couldn't. Yeah, I was like well, fuck me. Hey, like holy shit. It's like. That's why, my entire life, I've been looking for it. I've been looking for masculine figures outside of myself.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:05:26

Yeah, to make me feel safe. Yeah, because of was not my dad's fault? And I have these conversations. And a lot of people can't have these conversations with their parents because their parents will get highly triggered because they haven't done their work on themselves, and it can be very painful. But it is your responsibility as an adult to try to have these conversations with your parents. That's what I've been doing. So I've had beautiful conversations, both my mom and my dad, and I've seen that it couldn't have happened any other way. It was beautiful. It doesn't it doesn't mean it wasn't painful. It doesn't mean I don't have anger towards them in certain aspects that I've able to been able to release.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:06:04

Yeah, but that one there I was like why do I make all this money? And yet I feel broke all the time. Like why do I make all this money but I feel unsafe, like what the fuck is going on. Why don't I? Why do I find putting money in savings repulsive?

Nathanael Burke: 1:06:18

right, but you know, what's interesting about that was that you ask the questions to yourself. Yeah, and I think that's the key there whatever somebody's going through, is that you constantly were asking these questions. Life makes you ask the questions eventually, yeah, and it comes by the kicked in the junk moments where you just get hit.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:06:36

Why have I had 15 girlfriends in 10 years? What the fuck is going on? It can't all be them.

Nathanael Burke: 1:06:43

Well, and that's that's the interesting part is it's it's a common denominator, right? What's the common denominator here? You and most people don't want to hear it, but it's you. Yeah, it's, it's. It's a huge hit on the ego, it's putting yourself in check, but it's true. What's the common denominator, right?

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:07:03

it's a very jagged pill to swallow yeah yeah, exactly, yeah, absolutely.

Nathanael Burke: 1:07:10

But I said I love that you were able to do that and and reach out to your dad and have that conversation and really connect with him on that and and see that, like this is it's not blame, but it's like, okay, this is like this deep thing.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:07:28

Yeah, this is how it is. So what I have to do now is I have to find I have to be uncomfortable with safety, which is strange. It's going to feel uncomfortable with me as I stack money away and in savings and investments, because I have a skillset where I can make a lot of money. I do, and I can make a lot of money very quickly, which is also a curse, because that's what got me stuck in that addictive cycle of feeling unsafe in the first place. Yeah, but now I do it differently. And now what I do is I I have to learn to sit with the discomfort of what it feels like to have safety and not want to go make myself feel unsafe again, which is a. It's just something I've actually never done in my entire life and I'm totally on this year which is wild.

Nathanael Burke: 1:08:17

That's wild. That it's dr joe dispensa talks about is it's? It's going from the familiar to unfamiliar because, from the end and this is a tough one that, again, a lot of people don't like to hear it's like. You're familiar with the on the like, you're familiar with the pain. You're familiar with the unsafe, unsafety. You're familiar with a bad relationship. You're familiar with the negativity, the negativity you live with the negative. You talk to yourself the negativity your partner talks to you. Whatever it is, you pick it. You what? If it's bad and it's constantly happening, it's. You are familiar with it.

Nathanael Burke: 1:08:51

That's your home, it's your home and and your and your nervous system has put a highway to those emotions. It wants to go back home. It wants it all the time. So you have to take that conscious effort and shift out of it, which takes constant awareness, practice and, as you said, asking, and we talk about asking those questions and and having enough presence to sit with yourself and to be willing to turn and go. Okay, what else can be what? How else could I feel? What else do I want to feel in my life? And how do I practice that? Because, as you mentioned in the beginning, it comes back to practicing it now and accepting who I want to be and can be.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:09:32

That's why Joe Dispenza's work is so good. Yeah, some people are like oh, I got to look at my emotions. Look at my past. Be careful with that. Yeah, yes, you do, but simultaneously, you also have to be looking forward and to feel what you want to feel.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:09:48

Yes, where I went wrong is I looked at all the reasons I was fucked up for two and a half years. Yeah, so what does that equal? Yeah, it equals the same thing. It's a snake eating its own tail. Yeah, so that ayahuasca experience broke that. For me, it's basically like what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, now you don't need to do this. Like here's the final crescendo of you feeling like you're broken. Yeah, but every, everything was given back to me. It's like, hey, you're not broken. Yeah, like terence mckenna, he's one of the forefathers. Like modern psychedelics right, he was like heavy into looking at to use it for healing and things like. Right, he was like heavy into looking into using it for healing and things like that. He was like when you get the message on the phone, hang up the phone. That's what he talks about psychedelic use. Like why do you keep picking up the phone?

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:10:41

yeah, I kept on picking up the phone yeah like all like, oh well, maybe, and that that was the very problem, that you're not broken, there's nothing wrong with you. And if you are listening to this and you hear that and you have a butt that's what you need to address there it is. Oh, but you don't know. You don't know all the fucked up stuff. I did okay, so have I. Yeah, I could tell you all the fucked up stuff I've done.

Nathanael Burke: 1:11:09

It's wild and and this is the thing is like it's everybody, yep, and everybody's is different. Sometimes it's super deep in one topic, sometimes they've just done it all, but you have to, I think, to tie back what you're talking before it's. You have to know what you want. Yeah, and that's the critical part, because and this is where I love the coaching side because therapy to talk about is all past, coaching, what you is now and future, and I think that's where a lot of teaching is how and what?

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:11:38

okay, cool, why, like, let's ask why. If you constantly ask why, you'll feel like shit. Yes, will, yeah, but you're like, coaching is how and the what? Okay, cool, horrible stuff. You were raped horrible, unbelievably horrible. You went through horrible physical abuse.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:11:54

I would never want that on anybody. I cannot even imagine how pain. I don't know how you feel, I don't, but what and how are you going to go about living the rest of your life exactly? You don't want to keep perpetuating that pain, like you don't want that and you know you don't want. That's why, it's why you're here, that's why you're listening to something like this. Yeah, so how are you going to move forward and what do you? What do you want to feel?

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:12:15

Yeah, and then make those new emotions. Like you said, joe dispenser, make those new emotions your home. But eventually you at the start, they're going to feel really fucking uncomfortable because they're not familiar. Yeah, just like if you move to a new city. Just like I moved across the world from australia to canada, I was like this doesn't feel like home, but it now does feel like home because I've spent enough time here. Just like if you spent enough time with gratitude and acceptance.

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:12:45

Yeah, and, and these things and sadness and shame, and you, you have to spend time with them because they're actually all trying to love you. If you feel these emotions all the time, they'll whisper to you, then they'll talk to you, then they'll scream at you and then they'll make you sick. Until you listen to them, yeah, you have to, until you, until you stop avoiding it. Yeah, you can't avoid yourself. Because it's like when people say they want to go traveling because they want to go find themselves, it's like well, who's the one that booked the flight? It was you, dude. Who are you going to go find? Like what do you mean? Go find yourself? Like you're there the whole time. It's all inwards.

Nathanael Burke: 1:13:26

Exactly, it's all inwards. You can do it on your your bed, you can do it out in the bush, you can do it across the world, or you can just sit at home, put your screen away, put your phone away and just be, and you know what? That was absolutely wonderful. We are running out of time here and that was like thank you for that. Honestly, that was amazing. How can people reach out to you because you're doing some amazing work and I know there's many people that resonate with you Because you're doing some amazing work and I know there's gonna be people that resonate with you and what you're doing how can they find you?

Arhen Lynch Potter: 1:13:55

Best place to reach me is rlynchpotter on Instagram. It's A-H-R-E-N-L-Y-N-C-H-P-O-T-T-E-R. I'm in the process of building a website right now. It's probably gonna be done in the next month. It's a. It's a lot to do, like a proper website. It's a. It's a lot. Yeah, if you want to reach out in regards to coaching and doing coaching with me, just talk to me on instagram. It's the best place to reach me and then in the next month or so, I'll have a website you can access and that will be published on there. That's the best place to reach me is through instagram perfect and you know what that was.

Nathanael Burke: 1:14:29

Like you said, I really appreciate you taking time your day to do this. I know I learned a lot from this one. I'm sure other people will, and thank you for what you're doing. I will definitely. We'll have to stay in touch and we'll have to do another episode because this was so good. I know there's more we could dive down, for sure.

Nathanael Burke: 1:14:45

It goes so many different directions. Just a four-hour episode? No, yeah, awesome. Well, thank you so much. Thanks, nathaniel. You can go so many different directions. It's been a four hour episode Awesome. Well, thank you so much. Thanks, nathaniel. So thank you so much for listening to this episode. I really appreciate you taking the time out of your busy day to do that. If you haven't yet, please subscribe, please share, because that's what helps this podcast grow and be able to reach more people. And why wouldn't you want to share something like that with somebody if you really enjoyed it? If you haven't yet, I'd also encourage you to go to lifepurposelyca. My wonderful wife Emily sends out weekly content to help you improve your life and to think differently and make wonderful changes that can impact your life forever. So thank you again for listening. I'll catch you on the next episode.