Motherhood Is Hard &..............

I wanted to share something really special with you today. In this segment, we're diving deep into the heart of motherhood, exploring the diverse emotional journey it entails and the incredible strength it builds within us.

We start by unpacking the common negative perceptions surrounding motherhood and empowering you to redefine those perspectives, seeing motherhood as a journey of growth rather than a series of obstacles.

Then, I share a personal story that highlights the privilege of motherhood, reminding us to cherish both its challenges and rewards.

We explore motherhood as a privilege, despite its trials, and offer practical advice to manage its responsibilities more effectively.

We also discuss practical tips for reframing tough moments with our children, empowering you to approach parenting with resilience and a healthier mindset.

I touch upon the transformative power of coaching in motherhood, reflecting on how seeking support can make all the difference.

We draw an analogy between hitting the gym and navigating motherhood, emphasizing how both build emotional resilience.

And finally, we wrap up with a powerful message about embracing the difficulties of motherhood as a pathway to emotional strength and resilience.

Transcript

 Speaker 0 00:00:01 Welcome to Motherhood from the Brain, a podcast guiding moms of preteen girls on how to navigate emotional challenges that are not addressed in school. We share real stories, expert advice, and brain-based methods for handling tough moments. Discover insights to create a deeper connection with your preteen and improve your motherhood journey. Let's tackle the uncharted territory of parenting together, hosted by professional certified coach Esther Babai. Speaker 1 00:00:37 Hello there, mom. You are listening to the Motherhood and the Brain Podcast with your host Stanzi, episode number 11. Before I begin, I would like to state a small disclaimer. I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist or any other licensed mental health worker on this podcast, motherhood and the brain. I just share what has worked for me in my life, what has helped me improve my mental and emotional wellbeing, because I know that there are many mothers out there who are in the same place I was or I am today, who are wondering whether there is something wrong with them because of the way they feel this podcast, motherhood and the brain is aimed at those moms. In today's episode, I would like to talk about all the, you have probably seen it like it is everywhere, how awful motherhood is, like we commiserate or people commiserate on how horrible it is to be a mother, how their kids drive them crazy, how grateful their, how ungrateful their kids can be, how ungrateful their kids are, like all those things. Speaker 1 00:01:57 And the reason that I want to talk about that today is because when we believe every thought that our brain is offering us in this case, when, when we believe or when you believe that motherhood is horrible, you will feel awful or you already feel awful about yourself. You look at your children or you view your children as problems to be solved. You feel trapped. You become a victim, and before you know it, you are, you find yourself stuck in this vicious cycle of some negative soup, like you are stewing and like you spin your wheels. You don't know how to get out of it. As a mom myself, I know firsthand how hard motherhood is, but so, uh, a lot of other things out there in the world, it is hard running a business. It takes a lot of work to have good relationships with your spouse, your parents, your kids, your friends, your workmates. Speaker 1 00:02:57 It is hard to study in school. It is hard being an adult. It is hard doing adult stuff like taxes, paying bills showing up in your job, but we still do those things even though they are hard, to be honest. You don't have to raise your kids, you do not have to do motherhood. You do not have to take care of your kids because there are many people out there who choose not to raise their kids. I'm sure that you know somebody who did not take care of their kids, of their kids or does not take care of their kids. So my question is, why are you telling yourself that you have to take care of your kids? Being a mother and raising children is a privilege. Many people want to raise children. Many people want to be mothers, but they cannot for different reasons. Speaker 1 00:03:57 I mean, my personal story, I had a cousin, she passed away at 30 years old, seven months pregnant. She passed away from eclampsia. It was not detected until the last minute she died and the baby died. But you love your kids, right? And you want to be a mother. This means that you may have to reorganize your life for a certain period of time. It may require you to put on hold a few of your plans. There may be certain times where you function on little sleep. Your body may change after childbirth, but when you look at it, not so many people get to experience what it is like creating life, making another human being. I think it is one of the wildest experiences. Like many times, every time I see a pregnant woman, they can marvel at how like this, the, the strength, the extent the human body can go to do that. Speaker 1 00:05:04 As a mom, you may have to do certain things when you're tired. Like I said, it is a privilege to take care of your kids. No one is forcing you to do it. Yes, sometimes you're tired. Yes, you have moved things around in your life. Maybe you have missed out on certain things in your life. But our kids are here to teach us about ourselves. They show us what we believe in. We experience inner growth. The experience of raising another human being teaches us about ourselves. As long as you keep believing the negative thoughts your brain offers you about motherhood, you will always feel like you have no choice. You will always feel awful, and before you know it, you'll be some sort of victim. We cannot use negative fuel and expect positive results. The protective part of your brain is designed to look out for the negative in everything in your life. Speaker 1 00:06:10 This is not your fault. This is an evol revolutionary thing that is meant to keep you safe. It is meant to keep you from threats or animals or things that threaten your existence. The protective part of your brain does not know the difference between challenges of raising children and a wild animal that is out there to chase you and eat you. It thinks it's the same thing, but you can calm your protective brain. Yes, Brian, it is sometimes hard being a mom, but I can do it. I know the next step. I don't need to see the whole, the whole stay away or the whole road ahead. I just need to know the next step and I know the next step. I know that there is support out there for things that I don't know how to do. Even when your child gets on your nerves, like we say, we can calm your protective brain and by saying that you are okay and your survival is not threatened even though your child is pushing all your buttons because sometimes it feels like they're doing that and your brain will perceive that as some form of threat. Speaker 1 00:07:26 But it is your responsibility to calm your brain down and say that it is fine. It is okay. I'm okay. I'm not physically threatened. If you think about it, no one was born with any skills. Everybody in this world, they learn every skill that they know. So when you feel unsure, when you feel stuck, when you do not know how to handle frustration, there are a lot of resources and help out there to help you on your motherhood journey from therapy, counseling, and my favorite coaching. Coaching took me from feeling like a victim to feeling empowered and understanding that I choose to be a mother. No one is forcing me to raise my kids. I want to raise my kids. Coaching taught me how to tap into my own resourcefulness. For me, being a mother has been the single best teacher in my life, and I am grateful that I get to be someone's mother. At the moment, I have a pretty, and I am in the middle of all the emotional ups and downs and I am here for it. I welcome it. I embrace it. This phase that we are in right now is teaching me a lot about myself more than is, it's teaching me about my daughter. Speaker 1 00:09:03 I'm getting coached as I coach other moms who are going through the same, like, it's beautiful what our brains come up with, what our brains offer us, the things our brains clinging on, like they hold on to, and these are the things that really cause us to feel pain. So by me getting help in those areas, I am able to show up in a, like be better parent for my clients. 'cause I'm going through it and they, they're going through it alongside me. I am able to help them when I discover things about my own brain. So I get what I'm, I guess what I'm trying to say is anything that is worth having requires us to put in the work like, like they do. It requires us to walk the talk like they say, and so is motherhood. And most of all, we can do hard things. Speaker 1 00:10:01 You can do hard things. When we exercise or when we go to the gym to exercise, we don't want to lift lightweights. If your purpose of going to the gym is to build muscle, to support your bones, especially women of a certain age from 30, they say, we have to build muscle. Muscle is good for bone health. We build muscle by lifting heavier weights. We do not lift light waste to build muscle. Motherhood is one of the heavy weights we use to build emotional muscle. Let me repeat that. When we go to the gym to build muscle, because they tell us that muscle is good for bone health, so we lift weights to build muscle, we do not lift light weights. We do not go to the gym and ask for the lightest weight. No. We want to lift the heavier weights for us to be able to build muscle. Speaker 1 00:11:02 And in life, motherhood is one of the weights that we lift to build emotional muscle, to become resilient, to bounce back. When life throws things at us, challenges at us. In order for us to bounce back from those challenges, we need to have emotional muscle. We need to have resilience and motherhood is one of those things that helps us build those muscles. Of course, if you look at it like that, if you look at it like it is horrible and it is taking away from your life, you will not learn anything because you're not open to learning. But if you open yourself up to learning, to understanding more about yourself to learning things you didn't know, if you are open, if you're open-minded, if you embrace it, you will learn a lot and you'll become more resilient and you'll build more emotional muscle. That's all for today. Thank you for listening. Have a beautiful week, everybody. Talk to you again next week. Bye everyone. Speaker 0 00:12:10 Thank you for tuning into today's episode. Your time means the world to us. If you found this episode valuable, we would be immensely grateful if you could spare a moment to visit Apple Podcasts and share your thoughts through a review. Your feedback plays a vital role in helping fellow moms discover our podcast and enrich their own motherhood experiences. Take care and bye for now.