Motherhood & The Brain
Are you tired of feeling like you’re always at your wit's end, especially when it comes to yelling at your kids?
You’re not alone.
Motherhood can be overwhelming, especially when your preteen seems to push every button and you just can’t seem to get through to them without losing your temper.
This podcast is for moms who are juggling work, family, and everything in between, and are ready to stop yelling and start connecting with their kids in a more peaceful way.
We’ll take you on a journey through the ups and downs of raising a preteen, offering brain-based strategies and practical tips on how to handle everything from discipline to managing your own emotions.
We’ll dive into topics like how to better understand your child’s behavior, how to stop yelling and start listening, and how to build a stronger, more trusting relationship with your preteen.
You’ll learn about positive parenting, emotional control, and simple, science-backed methods for managing mom anger and helping your preteen thrive.
If you’re looking for real, actionable advice on how to deal with the challenges of raising a preteen, this is the place for you.
Let’s make this motherhood journey a little smoother, together.
Contact:
esther@masteryourownwellbeing.com
Motherhood & The Brain
Do You Dread Mondays?
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Ever felt that sinking feeling in your stomach as Sunday evening approaches? You're not alone. Join me on this episode of Motherhood and the Brain as I open up about my personal battle with the "Sunday Scaries."
We'll uncover the historical roots of why this dread of Monday can loom so large, turning what should be a relaxing weekend into a stress-filled ordeal.
By reevaluating our relationship with work and understanding these anxieties, we can transform our outlook and reclaim our weekends for what they should be – a time of rest and rejuvenation.
But we don't stop there. We also delve into the role of our protective brain in magnifying workplace dread and anxiety. I'll share practical techniques on how you can gently quiet your mind, focus on the positives of your job, and cultivate gratitude.
This isn't just about surviving Monday – it's about thriving throughout your entire workweek. Plus, we wrap up with heartfelt appreciation for our listeners and a gentle nudge to leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. Your feedback not only helps us grow but also aids other moms in discovering a supportive community navigating similar challenges. Tune in to transform your Sundays and much more!
Do you lie in bed awake at night, secretly worry that the yelling and criticism are hurting your kids; and want a safe place to change that without shame?
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Navigating the Sunday Scaries
Speaker 1Welcome to Motherhood from the Brain , a podcast guiding moms of preteen girls on how to navigate emotional challenges that are not addressed in school . We share real stories , expert advice and brain-based methods for handling tough moments . Discover insights to create a deeper connection with your preteen and improve your motherhood journey . Let's tackle the uncharted territory of parenting together , hosted by professional , certified coach , esther mb Babazi .
Speaker 2Hello there , welcome back to the Motherhood and the Brain podcast , episode number 23 . My name is Esther mb abazi and I am your host . Before I begin , I just want to set a small disclaimer . I am not a psychiatrist or a psychologist , neither am I a licensed mental health practitioner .
Speaker 2On this podcast , motherhood and the Brain , I just share what has worked for me in my life , what is helping me improve my emotional and mental well-being as a mother , as a woman , as your next-door neighbor or as some random person that you found on the internet . And the reason that I do this is I remember the time I felt like I could not get it together . I felt like I was doing something wrong , I felt awful , I felt terrible , and I know that there are many people out there . There are many mothers out there who are exactly in the same situation . They think they are doing this wrong . They think they can't get it together with them as mothers , as women , as people . That is why I reach out . I use this platform to at least help someone out there feel good about themselves , to at least help one person improve their relationship with their child . The material that I share helps , like all mothers across boards , but I usually focus on preteens because my clients come to me and they're dealing with preteens . Their children are in the preteen stage , or twin stage , like some people like to call it , and I myself , I have a preteen . So I am going through this , I am in the heat of this , I am in the storm of the preteen ages or the twin ages , so I understand what those mothers are going through .
Speaker 2In today's episode , we are going to talk about something that many , many women experience . I used to . Before I got to these tools , before I learned how to manage my mind , I used to feel the same way . Today , we are going to talk about how to make Monday less daunting , monday morning less daunting , or what other people call the Sunday scaries , how to address the Sunday scaries and why the Sunday scaries happen .
Speaker 2So it seems like every Sunday before the work week starts , you get this intense feeling of dread and anxiety for going back to work , the feeling of not just wanting to work anymore . It is overwhelming , it is physical , almost physical . It makes you sick . Does that sound familiar ? I just want to tell you that you're not alone . Some people suffer in silence . Some people think there's something wrong with them when they feel like they don't want to go back to work . Many corporate and non-corporate working moms , just like you , just like me , feel overwhelmed by the thought of the upcoming work week . The combination of work deadlines , the demanding bosses , raising children , relationships , marriages , managing a household all this can feel like too much to bear . But what if I told you that how you look at your job or your workplace could change your entire outlook on your workplace or your job , even your relationship , even your children ?
Speaker 2Let me give an example . Imagine you dread going back to work on Monday . It starts on Sunday . When I used to have this , it used to start on the Sunday , like Sunday morning mid-morning . So you spend your day . You dread going back to work . You think about going to work tomorrow , monday , and you feel dread , you feel anxiety . So when you feel anxiety , you spend the rest of your Sunday ruminating over the tasks and challenges that are waiting for you for the rest of the week , the coming week . Because you feel dread and anxiety , you complain to your spouse . You avoid preparing for the coming week . You distract yourself by doing unproductive activities or not doing anything . You distract yourself by just sitting there and not doing anything and by the end of the day , by the end of the Sunday , the dread and anxiety of going to work the following day is even stronger . Does that make sense to you ?
Speaker 2Let me tell you about the evolution of Sunday , of what has come to be known as the Sunday Scaries . The Sunday Scaries are deeply rooted in the way society has evolved . Historically , human survival depended on the ability to work and secure resources . This ingrained a strong association between labor and survival in our innermost self , our psyche . But in the modern times , while the nature of work we do today has greatly changed , the underlying need to work to earn a living remains , and this connection triggers feelings of dread and anxiety . When we perceive our jobs or our workplaces as stressful or unfeeling , our brains link our work performance directly to our well-being and security or safety . The shift from agricultural societies , where work was more aligned with natural cycles , to the industrial and corporate settings with rigid schedules has intensified this anxiety and dread of these Sunday scaries . The modern work week structure creates a stark contrast between weekends and weekdays work days , heightening the sense of dread on Sundays . So understanding this evolutionary context can help you recognize why you feel this way and allow you to address these feelings with a more informed and understanding approach .
Overcoming Workplace Dread and Anxiety
Speaker 2Your protective brain cannot always distinguish between physical threats and psychological stressors . So when you dwell on the negatives of your workplace or your job . So when you dwell on the negatives of your workplace or your job , your brain perceives these thoughts as a sign that your workplace or your job is dangerous to your physical survival . This leads , or this intensifies , the feeling of anxiety and dread . But what if you became curious to try and understand what is really going on here ? Because the fact that you have not left your job , even though you dread it every single day or every single weekend , every single Sunday , it means something . Just take a break and think you dread going to this job , but you don't leave either way . So this means something . What if you spent some time with trying to find out what this is about ? Why do I keep complaining about my job and I'm not doing anything about it all the same ? Because , to be honest , no one is forcing you to stay . So , understanding this shift , understanding that no one is forcing you to be in this job , that you can live anytime , just understanding that can help you shift your perspective . Your protective brain is just doing its job of protecting you . It is looking out for you . It is not doing anything wrong .
Speaker 2Because of the thoughts that you are recycling about your job , because of the thoughts that keep running on loop about your job , your protective brain is perceiving it as a form of threat to your survival . So what do we do ? We start by gently acknowledging the amazing job that your protective brain is doing , because you have now established that your job isn't a physical threat to your survival . Your protective brain is just responding to your inner talk . It is responding to these thoughts that you keep recycling about your job and your survival . So we gently acknowledge and calm the protective brain down .
Speaker 2Why do I say gently ? Because we have been raised to be stern and tough with ourselves . We have been raised , or we have been conditioned , to think that by being mean to ourselves we can beat ourselves into change . But I think you and I know that it does not work that way . Bulldozing or ignoring the protective brain's concerns will not get you anywhere , but the dread and anxiety will intensify . But the protective brain ? The same way you would speak to a child when they have dropped their ice cream on the ground and they are having a tantrum because you know they will have some more ice cream on the ground . And they are having a tantrum Because you know they will have some more ice cream in the future . It's not like their ice cream trips are over . They will not have any other ice cream in the future . No , they have dropped their ice cream on the ground and it is melting on the ground and your child is having a tantrum .
Speaker 2You do not get mad at her . Instead , you gently talk to her and calm her down . It is the same thing that we do when our protective brain is in high drive and telling us that something is going to happen to us at our job . We do not bulldoze it . We do not become mean to ourselves . We do not ignore what the protective brain is saying . It does not work . We gently talk to it . We calm it down . Let us say you really want out of the job that you have today , but you do not have any openings yet . There is nothing on the horizon for you .
Speaker 2What I have found helpful in this and other situations is to change my thoughts about my current situation , and in this case , it would be to change your thoughts about your current job or workplace . Spend some time thinking about the good things about this job or this workplace , because , without this awareness , you risk repeating the same pattern even when you get a new job . I think you have seen people who move from job to job . This is most likely the problem . This is most likely the problem Because , the way our brain is designed , even if you get a good job , the brain will always be looking quote , unquote good job . The brain , your brain , my brain will always be looking for the negative things in that job . That is how the brain was designed . So that is why we train our brain to look for the good things in the job that you have now before you leave that job for another one .
Speaker 2For example , this job allows you to provide for your family . This job funds your lifestyle . It covers your children's health insurance . It helps you put food on the table . You are saving for retirement through this job . All those things you just think about . All the good things about this job .
Speaker 2Brain , I would like a new job . Yes , I'm looking for a new job . Brain , I would like a new job . Yes , I'm looking for a new job , but this job that I have now is providing for my family . I'm able to put food and pay bills .
Speaker 2Because , let us be honest , we live in a society where we need money we do you need to have , depending on where you live . We need money we do you need to have , depending on where you live , of course . But if you live in some parts of the Western world , you need health insurance just in case you fall sick or your child falls sick . You need health insurance to be able to cover those bills . You need to have a roof over your head , you need to put food on the table . And I understand you can say like , yeah , but not everybody has a job and they kind of survive . Yes , but if that is what you want , then you do that . But as long as you want to provide health insurance for your children , you have to have it . You want to have a roof over your house for your children . You want to be able to live the lifestyle that you live . This job is helping you do those things . So we acknowledge that . We are not going to push it away and rubbish it . We acknowledge that , but we are looking for a new job .
Speaker 2I think this is what other people call gratitude you are grateful for the things that you have , even though you want more . We don't just want more more , ignoring what we have , because we will never be able to have enough if we do not even acknowledge the little that we have . So spend time thinking about the positives and , trust me , you will feel better . You will feel a little better . You may not feel 100% better , but you will feel a little better about your job or your workplace .
Speaker 2One of my teachers , corinne Crabtree , calls it giving it equal air time . If your brain is busy manufacturing all these negative thoughts about your current workplace or your job , you have to train your brain to give equal amounts of airtime to the positive things in your current job . Don't focus only on the negative things . Create equal amounts of airtime for the positive things , the positive attributes of your job . And I just want to show you something , something that I like to use , something that I learned in coaching what if ? Just imagine what if your brain will always giving you thoughts that lead you to dread going back to work ? Just imagine that , like maybe some form of allergy . Let us say your brain has an allergy situation of you going back to work and your brain keeps throwing out these negative thoughts about your current workplace . Are you going to spend the rest of your work life dreading Sundays ? Can you just imagine what kind of life that is ? What if your brain will always like we have to go to that place where my brain , or your brain , is constantly throwing out negative thoughts about your current workplace and you haven't found a new job ? So are you going to spend the rest of your life on that job or workplace dreading every Monday morning , every Sunday , mid mid-afternoon , sunday evening , monday morning ? Are you going to to spend the rest of your life dreading ? Because sometimes , despite practicing thinking about the positive things of about your job , some negative thoughts won't go away . They will keep coming . The dread will keep coming . You will practice thinking about the positive things from your job and the negative things will sneak in . So what are you going to do ? Are you going to keep dreading and dreading and dreading and focusing on that ?
Speaker 2I myself sometimes have sentences or thoughts that seem to appear on a loop . They keep coming . I have solved them , I have practiced . I have solved them , I have practiced , but before I know it , a negative thought or two will come by , will pass by . Nothing that I do seems to help . I had a lot of coaching on this , because I thought that I could get rid of negative thoughts , until I came to a realization that my brain will always be presenting me with those thoughts . So it remained up to me to find something to do about them . And what I landed on was I no longer spend a mental energy on those thoughts . Instead , I say oh , there is it again . There it is , it is coming , I can see it . My brain is telling me this . Okay , and I let it pass by One of my teachers , brooke Castile .
Speaker 2He told us that imagine you wake up on a Sunday or Monday morning and you have to have with you a backpack or a purse , and this purse you have to take it with you wherever you're going that day , or the errands you're going to run that day , and that purse is heavy and or that backpack is heavy , but you have to take it with you . So this is what we do with the dread and the anxiety and the thoughts that the brain will keep spewing about your current job because , think about it , you , you don't have any other job on the horizon . You don't want to just drop your job and sit at home . You want to keep working this job as you look for a new job . So sitting and stewing in dread and anxiety does not help you . You end up feeling more awful , end up feeling more anxious , end up with more dread .
Speaker 2So what do you do ? You pick yourself up , carry your backpack with the dread with you and go and do your things . Go and live your life , go and work , go and do your stuff . It will be like when you're driving to work . You do not let the dread or the anxiety drive you . You let the dread and the anxiety in the backseat . You do not even let them sit in the co-driver's seat , no , you put them in the back seat and you drive and you go and lead your life . That is how to do it . There is no other way around , because every energy you spend trying to solve for the negative thoughts about your job , trying to solve for the dread , you are not living your life . You are not doing the things that you want to do . You are spending time dissecting and experimenting and looking at this thing and pulling it apart , and it's not getting you anywhere . So why not just put it in the backpack , put it in the backseat of your car this time backseat in your life and go and do the things that you want to do .
Speaker 2One more thing is to be curious how are you at work ? If you dread , it depends on what thoughts that you have On a Sunday mid-afternoon , sunday afternoon , sunday evening , sunday night . Do you have a lot of thoughts about the tasks that you should have done the previous week , that you did not finish the previous week and now they are rolling into the new week ? Is this why you have dread ? What are your thoughts about those tasks ? Because it always starts with the thoughts that I have talked about on this podcast . Everything starts with a thought . So what are you thinking about your tasks at work ? Do you have work from the previous week ? Are you already anticipating the work that you are going to do this coming week ? What are you thinking ? Do you have a productivity or time management problem ? Do you have procrastinating issues at work ? You have to pull all these things apart .
Speaker 2Is your dread and anxiety about the coming week coming from your productivity or time management problems ? Like , maybe this is the area that you need help , because recycling and practicing positive thoughts without doing certain things will not help . Thinking positive things about your job when you have a productivity or time management problem will not help . Maybe you need to address your productivity and time management . How is that , when you look at it , when it is time to work , are you working ? Because many of us suffer from this problem . It is time to work and we are on Facebook , instagram , tiktok . So just ask yourself those questions and see where you will land . So just ask yourself
Gratitude and Encouragement for Moms
Speaker 2those questions and see where you will land . Thank you so much for listening today . Have a beautiful rest of your week . Talk to you again next week . Bye , everyone .
Speaker 1Thank you for tuning in to today's episode . Your time means the world to us . If you found this episode valuable , we would be immensely grateful if you could spare a moment to visit Apple Podcasts and share your thoughts through a review . Your feedback plays a vital role in helping fellow moms discover our podcast and enrich their own motherhood experiences . Take care and bye for now .
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