From Perfectionism to Power : How Compassion Can Build a Bridge to Deepen Relationships

Have you ever felt the ground shake beneath you as life throws a curveball, urging you to reassess everything you thought you knew? Brittany Walda, the esteemed skin therapist and entrepreneur behind Beauty by Bee, joins us to share her stirring journey from external validation to internal fulfillment. This episode peels back the layers of perfectionism, exploring the void it can leave in our hearts and the bravery it takes to face it head-on. Brittany’s candid recount of navigating the aftermath of COVID-19 serves as a beacon for anyone seeking to rediscover themselves amidst uncertainty. Through her story, we illuminate the often overlooked link between achieving outward success and nurturing inner peace.

Our conversation takes a deep and compassionate dive into the power of perspective—how viewing our parents through the prism of their own childhoods can unlock a wellspring of empathy and understanding. Brittany opens up about the transformative practice of compassionate inquiry, guiding us on how to untie emotional knots and replace resentment with warmth. The chapter underscores the significance of tracing our hurts to their roots, weaving together personal anecdotes that showcase the potential for growth and better relationships when we stand in the shoes of both our past and present selves.

The episode rounds out with an insightful discussion on emotional neutrality, the art of taking responsibility for our reactions, and the practice of mindfulness. We tackle the delicate dance of parenting and the importance of breaking generational patterns, as Brittany reflects on integrating yoga and mindfulness into her life. Our dialogue emphasizes the beauty of fully experiencing our emotions and the profound impact this can have on both our personal well-being and our relationships with the next generation. Join us for a heartfelt exchange that promises to enrich your perspective on communication, healing, and the transformative journey of self-discovery.
https://www.beautybybee.com

https://www.serenitycovetemecula.com

Transcript

Lena : 0:07

Hello and welcome to the Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noel and I'm Lena, and this is where we talk about the good, the bad and all the shifting between. We just talk mad shift. Let's get into it. And today we have a special guest on our episode of Let that Shift Go. She's my dear friend and client. She's an owner of Beauty by Bee in Wildemar, skin therapist Brittany Walda, and I'm so happy to have you here, brittany.

Brittany Walda: 0:37

Thank you. I'm very nervous and excited to be here.

Lena : 0:42

We're just going to have a conversation, like many, that we have all the time, and the reason we decided to do this podcast today is Brittany has been. She's been one of my clients, one of my most favorite clients, that we've been working together for gosh at least seven months.

Brittany Walda: 1:00

It was a year, in November, oh my gosh a year in November.

Lena : 1:04

We've actually known each other for over 15 years. We met many, many years ago when I needed a skin therapist and immediately what I noticed about Brittany is her energy and her entrepreneurship and her drive and excitement and just so much fun to be around, and we immediately formed a friendship and that has lasted for a long time. And so last year is when you kind of reached out and we thought you know, maybe we should work together. So what I want to ask you is how did you know it was time to take a shift?

Brittany Walda: 1:39

It was right after COVID and all the craziness of COVID, you know, had kind of died down and I had made some shifts in my life. I had went from having this big salon and I went back down to just being me and I thought that will fix. That will fix these bricks on the shoulder, that will alleviate the stress, that will fix what this feeling is. And I remember sitting in the backyard with my husband and I looked at him and I was like there's still this black hole inside my heart.

Lena : 2:18

Yeah.

Brittany Walda: 2:19

And I was like something, something's got to give.

Lena : 2:23

What was that black hole? What did it feel like when you say black hole inside your heart? What did that? How did that manifest? On the outside or on the inside?

Brittany Walda: 2:31

Garbage which is French for trash. It felt like the yuckiest feelings, like resentment, it felt like guilt, it felt sticky, it felt depressed. All bad, yeah, nothing positive.

Lena : 2:52

No.

Brittany Walda: 2:54

And the worst part about that feeling was just it always crept in.

Lena : 3:00

So even in the good times it would sneak its way back in.

Brittany Walda: 3:03

Yeah. Or in the times of being in between the highs, when these beautiful moments of trying to be still, I couldn't be still Because that's when it would get the darkest.

Lena : 3:19

So what would you do to not be still?

Brittany Walda: 3:21

Everything.

Lena : 3:23

And just like look for distractions, look for something on the outside constantly.

Brittany Walda: 3:27

House projects, vacations, animals, whatever, you know. I mean really, oh, that's, we're going to get into this now, okay, and we're going to do it ourselves, and we're just going to be busy, busy, busy busy.

Lena : 3:43

And thinking each of those busy things was going to bring. Oh, this will bring me peace.

Brittany Walda: 3:47

Yeah, and I think for a long time you know there's that I felt that it was almost like the stigma of I'm only in the beauty of history, you know. Oh, she's only doing that. And so then it was like, well, I'm going to show you that I can be this, and then I can be this and I can be this, and trying to this uphill battle of being the best that I could be at, whatever it was that I was going to do, and then getting to that point of I did it and I still feel this whole.

Lena : 4:25

Yeah, the emptiness, yeah yeah, you kind of exhausted all of the if I can just do this, then I'll be happy.

Brittany Walda: 4:32

Well, and I remember one time saying to somebody you know, the pedigree is perfect, the pedigree Dave Ram. You know, all these people are going to be proud of me because I'm checking all those boxes. Why do I still feel this?

Lena : 4:52

Yeah, so looking on the outside no longer was doing it for you.

Brittany Walda: 4:57

Yeah, yeah, the perfectionism Perfect.

Lena : 5:04

Let's talk about perfectionism, something we both a disease we both suffered from at points in our life. I'm trying to make everything on the outside look perfect, while on the inside, somewhere, we're crumbling.

Brittany Walda: 5:17

Yeah.

Lena : 5:18

And that's that's many of us.

Brittany Walda: 5:19

Yeah, well, I think the hard thing with perfectionism is, you know, in my scenario, my husband really is an amazing person. He really is an amazing husband. My kids, I mean, they're so amazing, they're so beautiful, they're so smart. Everything was really well. I shouldn't say everything, but the house was, a quote perfect. You know, I couldn't ask for a better husband. I couldn't ask for better kids. My flowers are beautiful, like things that I found important. They really were. I'm okay, I'm killing it in these departments.

Brittany Walda: 5:59

What what's happening here, what it was Okay, what's fueling, needing all these things? And then what is that undertow?

Lena : 6:09

What's the program running underneath Mm-hmm? Yeah, and it's a hard, you know, act to carry on and on and on that outward perfectionism. It's a lot of pressure to constantly be achieving, and that is one thing I remember. When I met you, I was like this girl can do anything she puts her mind to. You know, it reminds me of me in some ways. It's like if I put my mind to something like, it will happen. Yeah, and a lot of that came from really wanting, you know, to be perceived a certain way.

Brittany Walda: 6:40

Yeah, 100%.

Lena : 6:42

Yeah, and at the end of the day, it's how we perceive ourselves that really matters.

Brittany Walda: 6:47

Well, and it's so hard because I think when you are constantly doing this perfection thing, that's really hard to have other people keep up with. So it's very lonely.

Lena : 7:02

Yeah.

Brittany Walda: 7:03

And then, on top of it, it's hard for you to keep up with it.

Lena : 7:06

Yeah.

Brittany Walda: 7:07

Because after everything's closed down and you have to be with yourself, you're just done.

Lena : 7:15

Yeah, yeah, and I don't think it actually invites in the deeper relationships because they're actually wanting to be friends with the ambassador of you or the outward, the mask of you and never really getting to know you. And does that even leave room for you to actually be yourself? Because then you have to put down the mask, you have to put down the perfectionism, and does that even feel safe?

Brittany Walda: 7:36

Right, well, that's a huge thing too, is you never feel safe?

Lena : 7:40

No.

Brittany Walda: 7:41

You never feel safe.

Lena : 7:43

Yeah.

Brittany Walda: 7:44

You know, and your guards are always, and then it's you get into this story, I guess of see. That's why I don't open up the second that you do if anybody lets you down with your crazy high expectations that you have a hard time even upholding too.

Lena : 8:02

Yeah.

Brittany Walda: 8:03

The second, somebody shows you an ounce of being a human. You say see, Mm-hmm. And that is why.

Lena : 8:10

Yeah.

Brittany Walda: 8:11

Back to the lonely island. I go Like oh my goodness.

Lena : 8:14

Yeah, and it's not very fulfilling. It doesn't really allow those deeper relationships. It doesn't allow you to be authentic, be your authentic self, which all of us have our periods of being broken and having a bad day and really not being our best selves. And if the house of cards we built is everything looks perfect and wonderful, then there doesn't leave a lot of room for us to actually have a real moment.

Brittany Walda: 8:37

Yeah.

Lena : 8:38

Yeah, it's isolating, yeah, so at what point, then, did you say, well, okay, yeah, I think that it's time to change. And what was it Like? What?

Brittany Walda: 8:48

When I was doing your eyebrows and I was telling you, I went into this story about me and my mom and you said so. Basically, you said this and I was like no, that is not what I said and you're like oh, but you did.

Lena : 9:03

Yeah, I was like yeah, it was a letter you had written and you're like I want you to see this and I read it and I was like wow.

Brittany Walda: 9:13

Yeah, okay, well, and you said. You said what if Giselle had written this to you?

Lena : 9:19

Yeah.

Brittany Walda: 9:20

And when you said that I was like oh, Pfft, yeah, and Giselle's your daughter. Giselle's my daughter.

Lena : 9:28

Yeah.

Brittany Walda: 9:30

It was just a ray of, so I couldn't even imagine, like, how that would feel. No, yeah, to receive it, yeah, and it was like, wow, there is a whole other side that I never even thought of.

Lena : 9:41

Yeah, and that's a big thing too is just considering the other side, so it's just taking a different perspective. But oftentimes when we're completely caught up in the story or we're completely caught up in being perceived a certain way, we're not really looking at anybody else's perspective or how that would be to be received or how would that be from their point of view, and so it's just taking a moment to say, oh yeah, I didn't consider that and I feel like at that moment there was like this opening for you.

Brittany Walda: 10:16

Yeah, definitely.

Lena : 10:17

Yeah, and you said I want to go look through that gate. I want to go down that road and see what's there, which is super courageous, oh yeah.

Brittany Walda: 10:29

Well, it's funny because people will say has it been easy?

Lena : 10:33

And it's like no, no, no, it's not easy to work on yourself.

Brittany Walda: 10:41

No, that's by far the hardest upward battle you will have. Yeah, and weirdest thing, it's not perfect.

Lena : 10:50

No Big realization.

Brittany Walda: 10:54

Yeah, I think right when you start to think, ok, I'm getting it, boom, yep. Yeah, not quite in this area.

Lena : 11:03

Where am I still not free? Mm-hmm, yeah. So we started working together and I know that since this year, I've seen a tremendous amount of growth.

Brittany Walda: 11:16

Well, that's good.

Lena : 11:18

Yeah, and I'll say just from the beginning, it was really kind of working with you from the perspective of there are other perspectives, can you consider them? Ok, yes, I can. And what that did was kind of open you up to looking at the relationships from all perspective, not just from your own, but from the other people in your life. And that also meant considering their origin stories when did that come from? And considering your own origin stories. And that's really where the work starts to get a little sticky.

Brittany Walda: 11:54

And that's very true, because you, when it's somebody else's story and you're on the outside, fully on the outside, looking in, you're just like, well gosh, you could do this, this and this, and, oh my gosh, I feel so bad for your mom or whatever this person. But when it's your own, all these stories, there's so many attachments, and one of your practices that you've taught me is picturing them, as in our child work, picturing them as the child, and then all of a sudden, you feel this wave of compassion come over you and it's almost like you hear it in a different language when I talk to my own parents now.

Lena : 12:41

Yeah, how has that changed for you?

Brittany Walda: 12:43

Oh, my goodness gracious, it's quite different now and it's cool, because sometimes you'll hear what you're supposed to do and your initial reaction is like, mm. Okay, I don't know if that's actually gonna do anything.

Lena : 13:01

Like if somebody says here's a bit of advice, you should do this.

Brittany Walda: 13:04

Yeah, here, look at your parent as a six year old when they talk to you the next time. But then when you actually do it and you're hearing them, you're like, oh my gosh, like this person has got so much pain, there is so much pain here. And then, almost well, how would you respond to a six year old with so much pain? They want to be seen, they want to be heard and they want to feel and be loved. So how can I give that to this person who is in pain?

Lena : 13:36

Yeah.

Brittany Walda: 13:36

You know, and then realizing too, all the anger, because there was a lot of anger, there's so much anger. Well, what's below anger? Sadness, and even if you don't like somebody, you don't ever like to say I want them to be sad. Who wants anybody to be sad?

Lena : 13:55

Yeah, yeah. But how did you get to that point? Because that's a, it's a big jump, you, you. But I mean, like, how did you do it? Like I know, I know we did it together and you did the work and I just kind of sat there like as your guide.

Brittany Walda: 14:13

Working through my ish.

Lena : 14:15

Yeah, but I think, well, I'd say, a big part of it was really having to look at you.

Brittany Walda: 14:19

Yeah.

Lena : 14:20

Like to stop looking at the other person, what they're doing and how, that you know what, what is the damage they're doing to me, and really like look at yourself Not meaning blaming yourself, but look at you know, really kind of going back into where did the hurt originate, where did that come from and how do you nurture that part of yourself? So first you having to do it for you, yeah, you can only hold the space for someone that you can hold for yourself.

Brittany Walda: 14:45

Yeah.

Lena : 14:46

And so I know we, you know we went right right to kind of thinking about the perspective of the other person, but first the work is to hold that space for yourself, yeah, and that's still definitely something I am working on.

Brittany Walda: 15:00

But I think the big one, that for me that is designated the most, is going into my body and figuring out, okay, which part of me is feeling that, feeling what? Which part of me is feeling the yuck, which part of me is feeling that sticky, which part of me is feeling the sad, which part of me is feeling an alarm right now? Okay, it's you, okay, we're going to sit with you. Yeah, and letting, yeah and actually sitting with it and actually asking questions to yourself. And I remember when you first told me, like there's future, you present you and past you, I was like, oh boy, she's getting weird. She's getting weird. This is where I draw the line. But then actually saying, what do I have to lose? Let's all right, let's go see what past Brittany has to say. Oh, my goodness, past Brittany has a lot to say. We need to hang out with her much more.

Lena : 16:04

Yeah.

Brittany Walda: 16:04

And now it's like whenever I'm feeling that, okay, which one of you? Oh, it's you, All right, and it's things that aren't even big things per se, but they must be something profound.

Lena : 16:21

Yeah.

Brittany Walda: 16:22

Because she's still knocking.

Lena : 16:23

Yeah, it was profound to that six year old.

Brittany Walda: 16:26

Very profound to that six year old.

Lena : 16:28

And it's still running a program underneath everything else. So one of the ways that we've worked together and just like what you were touching on, is the compassionate inquiry technique, and that's where you know we would sit down and you would tell me about like something that triggered you Like tell me about like a situation it could be anything and that's where you're able to kind of go into the body, so we would have you talk about it and then bring the feeling up there it is, and then it was like now go into that, yeah, which is really uncomfortable.

Brittany Walda: 17:00

Well, and it's so neat because certain things that we would go into, I would think, okay, it's the event, it's what happened. That is screwing me up.

Lena : 17:12

Like today, like the most recent thing, right, but it's not.

Brittany Walda: 17:17

No, like the spider web of oh my gosh, that is where perfectionism is coming from. Oh my gosh, this is where this, oh my God.

Lena : 17:26

Treasure trove.

Brittany Walda: 17:28

Well, and then you get to those points and you're like I'm just so fucked up, I'm never gonna get better. There were many days where I'd go home and be like this is never gonna end. I am wrecked.

Lena : 17:41

I got a lot of issues.

Brittany Walda: 17:43

Well, and I think that's the hardest part about going in is it's a scary dark place and you've got how old are you that many years of garbage that is accumulated. Now sift through it one thing at a time, yeah, and you know what it's like going through the knots.

Lena : 18:04

All right, let's just Untie knots. Untie knots, one at a time at a time, loosen the, pull up the thread. You see that there's a knot. You start to pull up the thread which is going into the body, it's going into the emotion, really kind of using that the process to be in full contact with that emotion, and then start to ask questions, and one of the main ones is when was the very first time you felt that?

Brittany Walda: 18:31

Yeah.

Lena : 18:32

And then we're able to just kind of be with the memory and nurture that part of ourselves.

Brittany Walda: 18:37

Well, and when you're doing that I wouldn't say before I was the most compassionate to those closest. If you've hurt me, I showed no compassion and I think by doing that, all of a sudden it was like space was available that was taken up by resentment, by guilt, by anger, and suddenly it was open to have compassion for other people and love for other people, and that shift was like oh my God, it's happening. It's working.

Lena : 19:19

I've made. You've made room. Yeah, because first you had to meet yourself with compassion.

Lena : 19:25

You had to meet that little girl with compassion and with love and nurturing, and when you're able to hold that space for you and really recognize yourself in that memory, in that moment it starts to make room for you to do that for the other people in your life yes, whether it's the person waiting you at Starbucks who's ignoring you, or it's your mom or your dad or whoever. And but we first have to build that space within ourselves and really it become like a natural practice of being able to hold compassion for ourselves. It does build the ability, the strength, the capability to hold compassion for others and from there it just seems like your relationships have blossomed. You know they're not perfect right.

Lena : 20:13

But you have more space to process and you have more room to hold for other people in your life.

Brittany Walda: 20:18

Yeah and more. I think a huge part of it is acceptance.

Lena : 20:24

Yeah.

Brittany Walda: 20:25

Yeah, because before no, no, you do not pass go, or what I would always say this is a boundary. Yeah, which really equates to if I've ever told you you need a bound or this is my boundary with you, it's really me saying go, fuck yourself.

Lena : 20:41

Yeah.

Brittany Walda: 20:43

Sorry.

Lena : 20:46

Yeah, it's true, it's true, but now that's I watch, you not do that.

Lena : 20:54

Yeah, you know what Boundaries are. Good boundaries are a hot topic right now, but actually, if you can set a boundary from a neutral place, yes, from a place of okay, I have nurtured this side of myself so deeply that now I know I am here to protect that part of myself in a way that I have to love me first, and so if I feel like the situation that we're in, or wherever this is leading, is not healthy for me, then my boundary is I no longer participate in this.

Brittany Walda: 21:23

Yeah, and that's okay, right, and you're saying it from a place of love and, like what you said, people feel that yes. So even the way that now I'm getting a response, it's not argumentative, it's not anger meaning anger, you know, and it's sometimes. It's funny because I'll have conversations with people that are closest to me that have typically gone south and it's almost like they don't even know what to do with it.

Lena : 21:54

They're like who are you and what have you done with Brittany? It's awesome. Well, one of the things I know we've talked about many times is really just finding the neutral place, so that if you're feeling triggered in a moment by something, somebody said or something, is first to take responsibility for your feelings, because no one can make you feel something. You are 100% responsible for your feelings. Yeah, it's your choice. It's your choice and you, it's you going, okay, creating this practice and this natural kind of occurrence of like, ooh, I feel something. I can feel my face getting hot, I can feel like the heat in my chest or the tightness in my belly. So there's something happening here and I am responsible to see what this is about.

Brittany Walda: 22:42

Yes, this has nothing to do with them.

Lena : 22:45

No, it doesn't. I mean, they may very well be an asshole, okay, but in that moment you are responsible for your feelings. So there's where the work is, and that's when I always refer to it as like ding ding classes and session teacher is here.

Brittany Walda: 22:59

How do?

Lena : 23:00

you know, teacher is here, I can feel it, and so that's where we go into. All right, we need to be with whatever this is and figure out when was the very first time I ever felt this kind of response in my body or this emotion, and then going in to nurture that part of yourself, right? So it's a little more in depth than that, but that's really the practice and that kind of builds the space. That's kind of like clearing out a dirty room and then, when you're in that situation again with someone it's not as charged for you. You're like, yeah, actually I see that this, there's something going on here, but this isn't about me, and now I can respond to you from a neutral place instead of like rah you know, you're going to get the full emotion of years of frustration in this moment.

Brittany Walda: 23:48

Yeah, and I remember at one point I said to you and I meant it like when I am in a moment of conflict or I know I'm going into a situation that will have conflict, suddenly my feet are planted firmly and I am here and I will eat you alive. And I felt that in my soul and on one hand, I feel like that helped me in certain ways to get to where I needed to get it served you. It most certainly served me. But then also it was like man. That is so sad that that is when I feel the most comfort. Let's be with that. Yes, you know. And then realizing like gosh, you don't have to go into conflict, you don't have to fight that fight, you don't have to have that last word, no matter how right you think you are. Yeah, you can be right and alone, yeah. Yeah, you know you could be right, but you have no friends.

Lena : 24:49

Yeah.

Brittany Walda: 24:50

You can be right and everything Indignant. Yeah, it's just.

Lena : 24:54

Yeah, instead of coming from a place of like hey, you know what's going on with you, so you know. If somebody was going to come at you, instead of being like how dare you, and I'm going to fight, because that's where my power is, is maybe then to say are you okay?

Brittany Walda: 25:09

Yeah.

Lena : 25:10

And it completely disarms people. Yes, because of the neutrality. Yeah, it's like I'm coming to meet you with fire and you just kind of didn't meet me there. It singed you out.

Brittany Walda: 25:21

Yeah, yeah, and that's beautiful, because then, all of a sudden, they are vulnerable in this. Well, this is what's going on and it's like okay, this makes more sense now.

Lena : 25:34

Yeah, and there's room for growth, there's room for connection.

Brittany Walda: 25:38

Yeah. Yeah, I think that that's which is way more powerful than any fight you could have ever had.

Lena : 25:44

Yeah, cause you both end up feeling like crap you know, or you go into regret. And now we got to deal with regret, like let's stop putting so many things in our bag that we have to keep carrying around. How do we just show up to relationships?

Brittany Walda: 25:56

What did Dave call it? My covered?

Lena : 25:58

wagon. Yeah, you got that. You're going to put that in your covered wagon and drag it around everywhere.

Brittany Walda: 26:03

Maybe I don't know.

Lena : 26:09

Yeah, so what are the? I know that there's a lot of practices that we work with, like meditation, mindfulness, breath work. What are the things cause I've seen so many crazy, you know wonderful changes that are complete uterine for you and you have really committed yourself to the practice of being present. Yeah, so tell me more about, like, what's worked for you and what's changed.

Brittany Walda: 26:37

Hmm, you know, it's funny because in moments when I'm being very human, that little voice inside will come in and be like see, you're not changed, ah, yeah, and ooh, ooh. So, like the other day, dave, I was my husband, I was talking to him and the kids were there and I said do you see a difference? And Christian turned around and said yes, and my son is my greatest teacher, teacher. Yes, and to hear him say that I was like oh, thank you Jesus. Okay, good, okay, okay, okay, okay, yeah. But I think pausing, pause, pause, has been a constant learning experience. But, man, if you could get yourself to pause before you react every single time, I mean you are unstoppable. You are unstoppable.

Lena : 27:51

You're un-fuck withable.

Brittany Walda: 27:52

Yeah, immensely, and that is again. There's so much power in that and just so much any good feeling that you could imagine it is there in that space.

Lena : 28:06

Yeah.

Brittany Walda: 28:06

Pause, which seems so silly, because you're just like really, and then you see it and you're like oh, okay, yeah, okay, yeah, it's so true, that's really.

Lena : 28:19

There's a quote by Victor Frankel that between stimulus and response there is a space, and in that space lies your power, and it goes into more of that. But it's like that's so true because if you can get into the space between the stimulus and the response, you really are powerful. You can choose to respond in a way that you're proud of, in a way that reflects more of actually who you are, not who your pain is. Yes, but first you have to get in touch with what is your pain and where did that come from and what does it need in order to not take up?

Brittany Walda: 28:53

all of that space. I think that's a big thing. That why this is so different is everybody knows treat other people like you would like to be treated. Everybody knows that. We know, but do we do that Sometimes?

Lena : 29:10

Yeah, the golden rule.

Brittany Walda: 29:11

Yeah, the golden rule. But if you don't know why you're responding the way you're responding, and you never dig deep, it's always gonna come out. Yep, that little voice inside you will never leave you. Yeah, all those little alarms inside you will never leave you. They'll still go off. Yes, and what are you doing? What are you doing? Are you gonna? Is this what you want for your life, or do you actually want more? Do you want this picture perfect life to actually feel good? Yeah, yeah, I do. Yes, I do 2.0. Here I come.

Lena : 29:53

Yeah, I would say that you have approached your wellness, your mental health, in the same way you approach everything, which is what I love is that you go all in. Yeah, and I feel like it's in some way you didn't even know what the vision was, but you had a vision for what you wanted, which was to feel as good on the inside as it looked on the outside. Yeah, and you completely committed yourself to that, which is why I have loved working with you, because everything that I've given you to do and to practice, you do it Like you actually listen, that's the weirdest thing.

Lena : 30:33

You listen, because that's part of your personality is like I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I can do anything and I'm gonna do it. And to be able to take that energy but to put it into this is really beautiful, because it's not easy and it's not pretty and it's bumpy yeah, and you can't it's far from perfect. It's far from perfect Absolutely. So now we've blown perfection is being important out the window, because in this practice or in this work, you're constantly seeing places where, again, you're not free. Yes, you know where you're saying like, yep, there it is. Oop, you reacted, there it is. But if you've learned to give yourself compassion and you've learned to forgive yourself, that's where that work starts to kind of come full circle. It's like you can even forgive yourself for today acting like a jerk you know, and being like, ah, okay, yeah, there's something there.

Lena : 31:26

Let me kind of work this, Let me go in on this one. So just watching you blossom and bloom has been amazing. And you, you know, tell me more about what you're doing with the kids every day and how this has changed your life at home and like, are they like what the heck is going on?

Brittany Walda: 31:44

You know, it's really funny because they're sponges still, so they don't know all the work that's going on behind the scenes which is at this point in their lives. That's okay, yeah, but it's beautiful because there are moments that they will say things and I'm like, damn, that was deep.

Lena : 32:06

Mm-hmm.

Brittany Walda: 32:07

And I'm like, if I never get myself right, they're good. You know, Chazelle especially well, my daughter especially like, just the way, and she's so like eloquent about it. It just that is her first response, a healthy, deep, spiritual response, and you're just like huh.

Lena : 32:33

Yeah, how old are you? Seven, it's trickling down now.

Brittany Walda: 32:37

And I think that's been the biggest. Did you guys see that? That's my kid, Damn. Wow. Ok, come my little teacher. But every morning now we get up and we do yoga and we meditate and it's beautiful, Like this morning we did it and my son was our instructor.

Lena : 33:04

Wow.

Brittany Walda: 33:05

You know, and he felt you could tell very, I did it Powerful, oh yeah, and he killed it. He, I mean, we've been doing it now for a long time, but he was, he knew all the moves, he knew which was coming. He did really well, oh. I love that and it was cool because I'm like my parents didn't do that with me. Yeah, this is wow, yeah.

Lena : 33:31

Cool, yeah, it's what I love to call it is that you're a pattern interrupter, so you're disrupting the pattern, as opposed to continuing with the anger or resentment or outbursts, and we pass that down to our kids Like they know. They are with us, they can feel it. Those are the behaviors that we pass down. That's what we're emulating, and watching you emulate something different and then seeing that result in your kids is everything you know, that's. What we're here to do is to disrupt these patterns that are not helpful, they're not healthy.

Brittany Walda: 34:14

They're not serving us.

Lena : 34:15

They're not. Yeah, but it takes first recognition, yeah, and you know, I just love hearing your story of like this, you know, going from, if I could just make everything perfect on the outside, if I could just frost this cake, then everybody will want to come here and eat this cake. But what was the cake made out of? And that's really where you went deeper is like I need to get into like how solid this can be, yeah, you know, and do some changes and have the courage to go in and do the work, which is really to look inward, to change your habits, to change the daily habits that you have and really being able to know, ah, something's happening. I need to work on this, yeah, and to go into it and to have these tools in your tool belt, yeah, so that you can use them.

Brittany Walda: 34:59

Well, and I remember at one point you know when you start unfolding the stuff you're low Because you were digging things up that I mean, there were moments that we would come across something, and I was just like I don't even remember that until right now, and I remember everything. And then having to process oh my gosh, wow, that happened.

Lena : 35:29

Yeah.

Brittany Walda: 35:29

You know, and there are, there were parts, especially in the beginning, where it almost felt like you were just getting lower and lower and lower, and there were many moments I was like what am I doing?

Lena : 35:44

Am I going to get out of this?

Brittany Walda: 35:45

Yeah, how am I going to get out of this? Now? I'm my whole body's in a black hole. It's just not a little pit in my belly, it's. Everything is a black hole, but then it's beautiful because there are. You know, the reminder of this is all part of the perfect plan, and even something so small of I remember one time it was before the holidays and I went out in front of my house and I sat on my bench and I was just sitting there and I was listening to some meditation, some song and the hummingbirds all around everything, and Giselle came and sat next to me and she just put her hand down on me and it was so beautiful and it was like a moment like that was a huge reminder. This is the right choice. You know, and do you feel those almost when you're in your darkest and then, all of a sudden, a moment will come and you're just like thank you for breathing life back into me.

Lena : 36:46

Someone turned the light on yeah.

Brittany Walda: 36:50

Yeah, and that's what they say. It is darkest before the dawn and it sounds so cheesy, but, good Lord, it's so freaking true.

Lena : 36:58

Yeah, yeah, that's.

Lena : 37:01

I love that because you know the thing is like when you think about like I don't want to go into all my old stuff, and it can be really scary Like what you were describing is to know that all of that is still running underneath.

Lena : 37:13

So, whether or not you want to look at it and go into it and feel it or remember it, it's still running your program underneath, yeah, you know, and so that's where the outburst comes from, that's where the pain and the like acting out comes from Is because that is still running underneath. So, yeah, having to go into it and to be able to feel with it and process and deal with it is not easy, right, but it's necessary to get to the other side. That stuff is taking up space in your life, it's taking up space in your energy, and so you know just being able to know that there are ways to get out of that, there are ways to process that, there is support and there is the innate healer is within you and you know exactly how to move through it. If you just trust yourself, with a little guidance, you can get there, because it's you know, that bliss is feeling any feeling, fully felt.

Lena : 38:07

So even the grief, the pain, the fear is just really allowing yourself to fully feel it. There's so much on the other side. Everything is on the other side of that, All right. Well, so you know we're getting towards the end and what I want to know is what do you want most people to hear, Like in doing this podcast? What did you need to hear, even two years ago, five years ago? What is the thing?

Brittany Walda: 38:35

I think the thing is, if you find yourself short-tempered, frustrated at nonsense things, things that in the moment you are angry with, and then you look back as you're telling your girlfriends about it, you're laughing, or in the quiet moments when you have nothing to do, if you feel that whole that yuck, this is your sign. You don't have to feel that and I think people think I know I did. No, you do have to feel that that's making you stronger and it's not. Oh my god, that is no. You could be so much more if you just let that go.

Lena : 39:25

Let that shift go.

Brittany Walda: 39:27

Yeah, yeah, ha ha ha, bada-bing, bada-boom, but it's true.

Lena : 39:34

Yeah, well, thank you, brittany, and one thing I want to mention is Brittany has added on to her skin therapy in her practice this most beautiful facial experience. This is what Lena did to me. I'm like you've gotten full weird and I love it Is really doing this mindful meditation with having this beautiful nurturing facial of skin therapy, and I just encourage anyone who's looking to one. She's amazing with skin, let me tell you. It's like it's everything. But now, adding on to this, this kind of mindfulness practice and this deep presence that you're bringing to your practice, is just so beautiful, so I encourage everybody to look her up. It's Beauty by Bee in Will de Mar. I'll have more for you on the show notes and so, yeah, thank you, brittany, thank you for being here and thank you everyone for listening.

Brittany Walda: 40:32

Thank you Ha, ha ha.

Lena : 40:41

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha and.

Brittany Walda: 40:45

I'm.

Lena : 40:45

Lena, let us know what your questions are and we'd love to use them on a future episode. Or check us out on Insta at let that shift go, thank you.