Photo Bombs: Confronting Childhood Echoes for Family Healing

Have you ever felt the warmth of nostalgia when flipping through old photo albums? That's where we begin our journey on today's show, as we, Noel and Lena, delve into the sweet and sometimes bitter memories that pictures can evoke. Unearthing stories from our past, we engage in the Skin Deep card game, revealing how our individual strengths offer a lifeline to one another. The anecdotes we share are not just our own—they mirror the experiences of many, highlighting the importance of connecting and the resilience found in the support of a loved one.

Childhood shapes us in ways we often don't realize until we're adults looking back. In this intimate discussion, we confront the echoes of growing up in separate households and the deep impact of parental separation. We lay bare the intentions and hopes for our own families, striving to create a different narrative from the one we were handed. Our conversation is a testament to the power of reflection and the conscious path we choose to tread, moving away from the legacy of avoidance towards one of presence and reliability.

Ending on a note of reconnection, we tackle the complex web of silence that can entangle relationships, emphasizing the profound effect that reigniting communication can have. Whether it's family or friends that have drifted apart, we invite you to discover the beauty of bridging the gaps through meaningful dialogue. Join us as we share insights and extend an invitation to our listeners: to reach out, to mend, and to grow. Your thoughts and questions are always welcome, so connect with us on Instagram at LetThatShiftGo or visit our website at serenitycovetemecula.com. Together, let's journey towards serenity and personal growth.

https://www.serenitycovetemecula.com

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:07

Hello and welcome to the let that shift go podcast. I'm Noel and I'm Lena and this is where we talk about the good, the bad and all the shifting between.

Speaker 2: 0:17

We just talk mad shift, let's get into it.

Speaker 1: 0:20

And on this week's episode, photo albums. You know, these last couple of weeks mom sent us some a bunch of photos that she actually must have been going through boxes and was sending us photos and photos of just all these memories and it was sparking like so much joy and happiness and she was sending it to all of us and we were all kind of reacting separately but it really brought brought so much back in terms of, like, some of the good times, because we really I've lost all those photos. I don't, I don't have any of that stuff.

Speaker 2: 0:56

So I don't either.

Speaker 1: 0:57

I'm so thankful that she kept on those things, so, but it brought up some, some thoughts for us, and you made a post that completely made me just like ball.

Speaker 2: 1:07

Oh, it made me ball too.

Speaker 1: 1:10

And so, before we get into that topic, let's do the skin deep cards and see if we can.

Speaker 2: 1:16

This whole episode is going to be a skin deep card.

Speaker 1: 1:18

I think so you want to go first? Sure, okay.

Speaker 2: 1:22

What is one thing you never want me to forget about you?

Speaker 1: 1:29

What is one thing you never? I never want you to forget about me. Hmm, the moment that I, when you help me to see and recognize that my purpose was more powerful than my pain.

Speaker 2: 1:51

Tell me more about that.

Speaker 1: 1:56

Well, it was through breathwork. Yeah, it was, it was.

Speaker 2: 1:59

I can see your eyes.

Speaker 1: 2:00

Yeah, water, this is going to be one of those episodes, but yeah, it was. It was through breathwork and really experiencing and feeling the pain and and getting into it and just really tearing down all of those walls within me. Took some time, but then through that, finding kind of modalities and ways to kind of have tools to heal and find ways to expand my consciousness and really just be aware, self aware, led me to wanting to become a breathwork facilitator and I got to tell you, the best, the best paycheck in the world you say it all the time is is watching somebody have their own experience.

Speaker 2: 2:48

Yeah, their own breakthrough.

Speaker 1: 2:50

Their own breakthroughs and being able to be a part of that and help facilitate that is is where I first recognized, you know, that my purpose is more powerful than my pain. Oh, yeah, yeah so it just gave me focus, yeah.

Speaker 2: 3:06

Getting to walk someone through that and seeing that that is the most beautiful reward.

Speaker 1: 3:11

Yeah, so I don't want you to forget the. Moment.

Speaker 2: 3:15

I won't.

Speaker 1: 3:15

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 3:16

I won't. I love that. There'll be plenty more opportunities.

Speaker 1: 3:19

So my question is how do our differences complement one another?

Speaker 2: 3:29

I think that we can push each other in all the best ways. You know, like there's times when I'm not motivated or I'm not confident, and there's times and you can just step in and you can. You just have this power and presence, this authority in your voice, this authority in your energy. That is something that I can lean on when I can't find my own. You know, and I love that. Like, I think we're different in that that you're always, you're just always able to push through and I think I'm gonna be able to push through pretty well. But there's times when I'm like I just can't and I don't know what to do and I'm not sure. And then you're like okay, well, how do we? Let's do this, you know.

Speaker 1: 4:09

How can we?

Speaker 2: 4:10

How can we? Yeah, and so there's just this, the authority in your voice in that is something that I just I love and I can, I know I can depend on it, you know. So, yeah, I think that's one of the ways I don't know if it's so much a difference, but I noticed that when it's where, when I don't have it, that you're able to just kind of step in and provide it you know, but I kind of feel the same way. Yeah, so maybe it's not a difference, maybe it's a similarity.

Speaker 1: 4:39

What would you say is our biggest difference? Like personalities, how are we different?

Speaker 2: 4:45

It's really hard for me to say how we're different.

Speaker 1: 4:48

Yeah, cause I think we kind of amesh so much in the last you know couple of years. It's like I mean there's definitely. I would say you're a lot more risk adverse than me.

Speaker 2: 5:00

Yes, and you know what. Here's the difference. You're way better at calling.

Speaker 1: 5:06

Hmm, oh yes, okay, a thousand percent, a thousand percent.

Speaker 2: 5:12

You get on the phone and you call I don't, I don't, and so that's where I think I'm so thankful for that difference.

Speaker 1: 5:23

Yeah, otherwise we probably might won't talk that much.

Speaker 2: 5:25

Yeah, yeah, because I'm like, yeah, he knows, you're like, you know, you just like, and I didn't know I'm gonna call you a minute, I'm gonna talk. I'm like, okay, you know. So I'm glad that you do that, cause I am call a verdant. Hmm. At first I'm call adverse.

Speaker 1: 5:40

Yeah, I love that you can stay calm through the adversity. I think when there's a challenge, you kind of freak out, but when there's I don't know how adversity is different than a challenge, like when we went on that walk at the devil's bridge, that kind of a thing, that like that's not that. But when it's something serious that has to do with, like like the wellness of us, like you, you tend to take that authority. Ah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 6:07

You know what I mean. You tend to have that part, so I think that we do balance each other in that, yeah.

Speaker 2: 6:13

Yeah, I'm risk, I avoidant, but when the when something happens, because something has happened, I don't freak out.

Speaker 1: 6:22

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 6:22

I'm just like, all right, we're gonna just do it.

Speaker 1: 6:24

Yeah, yeah, okay.

Speaker 2: 6:26

All right.

Speaker 1: 6:26

All right, so let's get into this topic about the photo albums. Taking a stroll back back in memory lane, yeah.

Speaker 2: 6:34

And this one. Like we didn't really plan this podcast out, I think we just we just started talking and it's like ooh, this is really Rotom emotions yeah.

Speaker 2: 6:43

It's really alive for us. And there was one photo of you and I on the swing set and it was one of the times where you would come over to visit on the weekend, cause we didn't grow up in the same house, we were separated and you came over to visit and we were swinging on the swing set and we got the photo of us each jumping off the swing set.

Speaker 1: 7:03

Yeah, and I remember that swing set vividly because it was, you know, that metal swing set where when we were, we were trying to swing so hard like the corners would pop up, you know, poles would be coming off the ground and our dad would be like hey what are you? Doing.

Speaker 2: 7:19

We were like we'd have to swing separately, so it'd keep it balanced. Yeah, keep it balanced.

Speaker 1: 7:22

Yeah, I remember that it was such a fun swing set yeah.

Speaker 2: 7:26

And we got these photos and I posted them with this video of us, you know, and it was about just being really thankful for my brother.

Speaker 1: 7:33

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 7:33

And when you saw it and you said, yeah, I remember that, because I remember that outfit that I had to put on, or I put on because I made a point to get dressed up.

Speaker 1: 7:42

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 7:42

And I remember you, you had this bomber jacket and you looked so, you know, put together and you were probably like seven. And when you told me that, and now when I look at the photo, it like choked me up because I thought, gosh, you know, the fact that my brother had to think about getting dressed up to come see me and see my dad is just so odd.

Speaker 1: 8:06

You know, yeah, I don't know why I thought of it like that, but when I saw the jacket I just thought, well, I look really dressed up. For you know, we didn't have a lot of money back then, so that in itself was like, ooh, that's my, that's like my Sunday best. Yeah. And so that's what I recognize it as. And I just went. Oh, I remember getting dressed up. I always remember waiting for dad to pick me up or I'm going to go over there, and I would always have these outfits on. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 8:33

And sometimes he wouldn't show up, you know, and those were the hurtful times, but whenever it would, and I think maybe that's why I put so much effort into it, because I wanted it to be so perfect when. I went over there and thinking about that now, just like oh. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 8:50

It really pulls at me because yeah. We didn't spend a lot of time together, and the fact that I had to you know, I just put so much effort into it, just it, just it brought me back to just how much, how present I was about that specifically.

Speaker 2: 9:10

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 9:10

In those days yeah.

Speaker 2: 9:12

It made me think about that. So, messed up, you know, like that we didn't get to grow up together and you had to. That there was even a thought about, well, I want to wear this so that when I go to my dad's or see my sister, that this is what I'm wearing this wingset and not that that's neither bad nor good. It just made me think about the circumstance in which we grew up. And then, you know, we started to talk about like how, you know, we, you build a life like from that. You try to build a life that doesn't if it was painful, that doesn't look like the life you came from.

Speaker 1: 9:47

Yeah, we tried so hard to.

Speaker 2: 9:49

To not be our parents or to not be in a split household, and or to to look a certain way or to project a certain way, because we were trying to do it the extreme opposite.

Speaker 1: 10:03

Yeah, I think both you and I, the way that we're the same is that we both adopted the mindset that there's no fucking way my kids and my family are going to do that.

Speaker 2: 10:14

Yeah, I mean, that's the thing I think both of us built a life that was based on. I won't do that, or I will not be in that situation, or I will not fill in the blanks, right?

Speaker 1: 10:25

Which is such a sad thing, because it was never. I'm going to be this, I'm going to be that. It's going to. I'm not going to be that and I'm not going to be that. Yes. So it wasn't very goal oriented, it was.

Speaker 2: 10:39

Avoidance. It was avoidant. It was an avoidant oriented.

Speaker 1: 10:43

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 10:44

And I would. Just, in looking back, what it brought up for me was wow, what are all the things I did for the first half of my life that were based on fear, that were based on avoiding judgment, and that was a really hard way to live or to maintain because it wasn't based on what you really felt consciously wanted or would choose. It was, for me, there was. I grew up in a house that was really messy and I remember getting made fun of in school because a kid came over and the house was just like a wreck. And at school he went to school and he had to come over to our house to be babysat in the morning and when we went to school he said, oh yeah, lena's house is really dirty, and I remember this deep shame that I had right. And so in growing up and creating my own home, I developed this extreme need for perfection in my home.

Speaker 1: 11:44

Yeah, so you would come to your house. Your home was always like a model home, oh, yeah, it was like why is? It Didn't your home get into a magazine? It did.

Speaker 2: 11:51

And you know it was like I would be crazy if the vacuum lines weren't all the same way, with the same pattern, or you left something out and it was just so. It was stressful, you know, to try and be perfect. They created this whole thing about perfect how my house looked, how my kids looked. And then you know there was this you know you'll never make it. Your marriage won't make it.

Speaker 2: 12:15

You know you got it. Everything has to be on an outward appearance of being perfection and it was literally like killing me. You know, I couldn't let anybody know if anything was wrong. I couldn't let anything look like it wasn't perfect and that was really stressful and it created like a lot of self-hatred. I think you know it wasn't because, well, I like it this way.

Speaker 1: 12:42

I did like it that way, but why did you feel like you couldn't tell everybody else?

Speaker 2: 12:46

Because, then I'd be weak and I had to be strong.

Speaker 1: 12:48

I feel I share that yeah.

Speaker 2: 12:51

If I admitted that I was having a bad day or that I wasn't in a good mood, then that was seen as a weakness.

Speaker 1: 12:59

Or for me, I feel, when I'm hearing you say that, if I would admit it, I feel like I'm admitting. I'm like my mom or my dad. Yeah, I'm admitting failure like oh, I really am them. Yeah, I'm failing. So I got to keep this up.

Speaker 2: 13:18

Yeah, I think, if we look back, there's a lot of ways that we, each in our own way, created a life that really amplified. What are the things that we were trying to not be?

Speaker 1: 13:30

Yeah, I mean very specifically. I had a thing where I always if you look at my cabinets now they're overstocked with snacks. It's just ridiculous because I didn't have anything in my cabinets. I literally had no food sometimes. And so now I'm like my kids will never not have food. It's going to be stacked whatever they need and it's too much. Yeah, you know what I mean. I try to give my kids everything I didn't have, but it ended up causing other problems. It all falls apart eventually. Yeah, because it's a facade.

Speaker 2: 14:04

Yeah, you know, the thing is too, I want to recognize, is that doing this for a good part of our lives in some way saved us? Oh, yeah, because we were trying to overcorrect right. So we did. We built these very successful looking lives and to some degree, successful lives, like you know, for you, like I'm looking at your life and you live in a beautiful home, you have a beautiful family, you've gone on all these trips, like all of the things like that tick the boxes, yeah, and so in some way it's like, yeah, it actually saved us.

Speaker 2: 14:36

We didn't end up, you know, on drugs, we didn't end up you know, like in violent relationships, we didn't end up breaking our homes up at an early stages, you know for our kids and so yeah, in some ways it served us very well.

Speaker 1: 14:50

Yeah, we weren't willing to fail in that way. Yes, it kept us motivated to stay the course. Yes.

Speaker 1: 14:56

Because I told myself my cabinets are gonna be stocked, my kids are only gonna go to the same. You know, they're gonna live in one home and they're gonna go to the same elementary, middle school, high school and then they're gonna move on and they're not gonna have to transfer around a bunch of times and make new friends just like I did. Yeah, and I had all these things just set that they had I wanted to do, but it was at a great cost, I think in the very end, yeah, that's the thing I think I want to recognize.

Speaker 2: 15:25

Is that an honor? You know is that, yeah, we did. We created a life that was motivated by really avoiding the situations and the patterns we didn't want to repeat, but they were out of fear. You know they were. I don't know that they were necessarily a conscious choice to have. I want to have a clean home and I want to have a nice. Yes, yes, absolutely. But what it was costing emotionally was and you know, who paid was our families and ourselves right.

Speaker 1: 15:54

Because that's what we wanted. It's not necessarily what they wanted, no.

Speaker 2: 15:57

I don't think my kids cared about the perfect house you know, or any of that.

Speaker 2: 16:02

I think that in some ways, they may have preferred a healthy mother, you know, who could be completely present, instead of like I need to clean this up, I don't have time for that right now. I have to do this. I need to, you know, maintain this thing, this outward appearance, and at what cost. So, while they you know, they all have grown up to be wonderful human beings and all of that, and I'm so grateful for that but there was this like this unconscious way of creating this life that was costing you know, there was depression, there was trying to keep up with something that was impossible and at some point it did cost me.

Speaker 2: 16:38

It almost cost me my marriage, and for you, it almost cost you yours, it almost cost you our life. For me, it almost cost me my life at one point.

Speaker 2: 16:46

Yeah, you know, and so I just think that there I'd like to bring some awareness to that, like to people, is that you know, create the life you want because you want it, in a way that you're aware of why you're doing it and if it's just out of avoidance and you're afraid of what people will think of you, or that you need to maintain a certain image or mask of perfection, as to know that that's not necessary, you know all of those healthy things can be created from a healthy place, but knowing when it's costing you, you know because it did.

Speaker 1: 17:20

And what's costing your family.

Speaker 2: 17:21

What it's costing your family. Yeah, because while things would always look really probably perfect on the outside I know for me you know we'd be on our way somewhere everybody has to look perfect, right? Get your the right shoes on, the right clothes on. I need you to look this way and be this way, and the whole way to the gathering we're arguing, and then you got to look, you got to walk in and you better have a smile on your face.

Speaker 1: 17:44

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 17:44

And don't you tell anybody what we said in the car. Yeah. It's like wait a minute. I just made everybody unhappy on the way here so that other people would think we were great.

Speaker 1: 17:56

Okay, shrug it off, guys, shrug it off. We're going inside. We're going inside, ready, ready. Okay, look normal, you got tears. Wipe off your tears. You got to be happy.

Speaker 2: 18:03

Smile, yeah, and it's like no, no, no, no, no, no, no you know yeah. I would have done it a lot differently, yeah.

Speaker 1: 18:16

But I wonder why sometimes other people don't. They continue the pattern or follow the same ways, and what is it that makes some people go the extreme opposite, and what is it that makes other people stay the same? I still haven't. I don't know what that is, because for me I know. I just had to be different, okay.

Speaker 2: 18:36

You know, like when we were talking, it's kind of like it could go 50-50. Either you go, I'm not doing that and I'm gonna overcorrect, or, yeah, why don't I just do that Like my dad did you know? Like not my dad, but I mean like in general, if you're talking about you know you grew up in an alcoholic family and you're like well, there's permission to be also follow that or there's just so much pain that's the only way that you knew you saw anybody cope and so that becomes a coping mechanism for you. So either way, you could pay, I know. Either way it can fall apart and I think that I don't think it's really thought of in the same way when you've tried to overcorrect and that also costs you.

Speaker 1: 19:15

Well, and in some ways I, you know, and I've said this many times before is I self-justified my actions by in my household I was beaten with belts and hands and fists and pinched and punched everything and I told myself I'm not doing that to my family. Yeah. But I just manifested in a different way and used my words, which, in some ways, were much more powerful. Yeah. And so I told myself that I wasn't doing it. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 19:43

But because it was fake and I had not really dealt with the things. It just came out in a different way and I think that still, even probably for you you could probably think of something that was along those lines, because I felt like I was not gonna be. Oh, I'm not gonna be, I'm not gonna do hard drugs, right, okay, I mean I avoid now I don't drink because of my relationship with alcohol, but it's one of those things like, yeah, okay, I totally stayed away from those crazy drugs because I was like, oh man, I don't wanna be that Anything with a crack pipe looking thing, I just can't, it's needles, I am out it just because of the things I've been exposed to and I've seen I'm out. It's a hard pass, but in other ways I've just filled that with something else. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 20:28

Because it was fake. I think yeah, While I say we didn't do the other things, I think it's a little bit grandiose to say I went a different way because I tried to do the opposite, because in some ways, as I was listening to you talk, I had to admit to myself and really be accountable that I really did still do some of those things, just in a different way. Yeah. You know, yeah.

Speaker 2: 20:51

Because, you just your repeated patterns, incrementally less damaging, yeah, but still damaging, yeah, and a lot of it. I think the big thing is like just realizing when you're making choices and you're creating a life out of avoidance rather than out of choice. Yeah, you know, and why is that? And we talk so much about like recognizing patterns and you know, last episode was on unconscious and competence to conscious competence and I think it's all in line with that. It's just really kind of seeing, you know, why do I do the things I do and how did it cost me and or is it? And in this whole thing, it was just tracing back to these photos and looking at like that was painful.

Speaker 1: 21:34

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 21:35

And then being like I was trying to avoid that pain. What kind of life did I create by trying to avoid that pain? And and what did that actually cause, you know? Because for me it was probably a lack of presence.

Speaker 1: 21:47

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 21:48

With my kids, because I was trying to create this outward looking life rather than nurturing the inward life.

Speaker 1: 21:55

Yeah, I really thought it would fix it, it would fix. Yeah. And it was needed to be healed in me by creating a life that wasn't what was my childhood. Yeah, yeah. But it didn't work.

Speaker 2: 22:09

In the end. I mean, you know you gotta pay the piper. So I feel like, you know, we got to the second part of our lives and went oh, I didn't know I was doing that. That's that conscious, you know, incompetence or conscious competence, and I think there's just a little bit of grieving. You know, like when I was looking at the photos, there was a little bit of that grieving of like, wow, you know, that was hard, and looking at that it's like, wow, we did everything to avoid that. But in some ways, you know, we did it out of fear and we did it out of avoiding pain, and I just don't think I'm at the point in my life where I want to create anything that's out of fear or out of avoidance.

Speaker 1: 22:51

Yeah, because that's survival.

Speaker 2: 22:53

That's survival, yeah, and when you're surviving you're not necessarily thriving. So I think it's just, you know, wanting to bring a little bit of awareness to that is like are you creating a life that is based on? Avoidance you know, and in some ways, like I said, it saved us.

Speaker 1: 23:12

Yeah, you know it was a coping mechanism that saved me from a lot of bad things. You gave me such street smarts. I mean incredible street smarts. It just gave me so much life experience.

Speaker 2: 23:24

It gave us a lot of character.

Speaker 1: 23:25

Yeah, and humor. Oh, you got to be able to laugh. I think laughter is the only thing that saved me.

Speaker 2: 23:34

Yeah, I think so too. You can't make fun of yourself, I mean.

Speaker 1: 23:36

The sarcasm in our family and all that stuff. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, we had a lot of funny characters in our family.

Speaker 2: 23:43

Yeah, who doesn't? But it was interesting. It was interesting. I learned a lot, you know. But yeah, I love looking back through old photos and just recognizing, like seeing you as a child and seeing us playing and what was going on in those moments and just really kind of bringing and nurturing to those parts of ourselves.

Speaker 1: 24:00

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 24:01

And in this, you know, even going back through and looking at how, for me, perfection became such a strong motivator, and the breaking point was when I just like, I was like I just can't do this, like it's not sustainable, I'm not happy, I'm actually really lonely or broken and I don't want to keep doing this. You know, it kind of led to this point of the change then, of the shift, of how can I do this differently, and I really hadn't thought about the narrative of how we did create lives out of fear and avoidance, and while there's still some honoring in that and knowing like, yeah, we did a lot better than what we were given, but it's still, it's still cost.

Speaker 1: 24:45

I wonder if how other people experienced going through things like that, if other people had an exercise where they were like, oh, you know what I'm going to go through, that there's a box in my garage or in my attic and I'm going to go through these photos and you know they're all faded and they've got that orange-ish tint, you know from way back in the day, and maybe it has something similar to like what happened with us, I mean, because your mom sent them in streams of like maybe 10 here and there, and then she would put little messages and it was like, oh, but it bring happiness, but at the same time it brought back.

Speaker 2: 25:19

Memories.

Speaker 1: 25:21

Memories that I think it brought me back to like when I was on that swing set and it was making me think, just like that. It was like wow, almost bringing me back into my mindset, into those times and thinking like what was I thinking at that time? And that's why I asked myself oh, I remember getting dressed up Like I had to put my Sunday best on, you know, because so many times it's like oh, and I can't tell you how many times I dressed up like that and never nobody came, you know. And that's remember that post you sent me from Logic where he was doing a interview with his father.

Speaker 2: 25:51

Interview with his father.

Speaker 1: 25:53

And he was talking about those times that he waited, you know, for his dad and his dad promised he would come pick him up, and those all those times that he didn't. And then he has a son of his own now and he thinks about like how much he loves his son and how much he means to him and how he could never do that to his son. And that's the way I really feel. And at the end he said something that just completely floored me and it was I am a man of my word today, because you aren't. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:24

And he said that to his dad and I was like wow. Yeah. That's what I. I could say that with complete conviction to dad. Yeah. And mean it fully and no. That is one of the reasons why I do the opposite. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:40

You know, and I try to be a man of my word, because he always late, never showed up on time and it's, and like you said, going to parties. Come on, guys, we got to be here. We got to be here why? Because I feel this need to be on time and present and all of these things, because of all the times of pain, of pain Because of pain. Yeah, it's just pain, yeah, and not being able to avoid that anymore. Yeah. And really have to sit with that, be present with it now.

Speaker 2: 27:03

It's like you're grateful and you're sad at the same time. Yeah, in some ways it's like I'm grateful that you know it pushed me to create a really a life that was a lot more stable than what I grew up with or what you grew up with, but acknowledging that there was some pain in it, you know, and acknowledging that the motivation wasn't always coming from a good place and you know, the question to ask is like how would I have done it differently? You know.

Speaker 1: 27:34

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 27:35

How would I have done it differently?

Speaker 1: 27:37

If that question brings up for me is I think I would try to switch from saying what I won't do to what I want, because I think you know, in terms of how people talk about manifestation and it's like calling in all the bad things. In some ways, I feel like the universe is I was calling in all those things, but I don't want that. I don't want that. I want that. What does that say? You're bringing all those things, which is why the patterns kept coming just in a different way.

Speaker 1: 28:04

I don't want that. I don't want that. I didn't ever said what I wanted or I didn't live as if I was in survival, you know, and completely trying to deny either that the things happened to me and shut it out and suppress it out, or, yeah, most of the stuff didn't even talk to anybody about it. So yeah, just really trying to create something different doesn't always pan out. Yeah. Unless you're conscious and mindful about it.

Speaker 2: 28:35

Yeah, I think it's just being aware. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 28:38

But I don't know that. I wish I could have changed anything, because what would that have changed? I mean it might change my story arc. Looking back at those photos, I look back and I think, wow, each one of those, it brought so much joy. Then, when you posted that, then I looked at the photos. It's like reading a book. For the second time it was like, ah, now I'm pulling something different. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 29:01

Especially when you played those, I was thinking about. Each time I was like, oh, and even one of the photos I had a drink in my hand and I think we were at Robert's house and I was like, oh, that was an old fashioned. I was like, oh yeah, I used to like those. I'm like I don't like that photo, I don't like having alcohol in my hand, but it's a time for me. It was. Each one of the photos that you posted brought me back to a space where I can appreciate where I was at and where I am now.

Speaker 2: 29:28

I love that. Yeah, I think if there was anything to leave people with is to go back through your timeline and look at where you've been, where you are, where do you want to go, and are you creating that life out of what you want and not out of fear or not out of avoidance, and to go for that?

Speaker 1: 29:47

Yeah, maybe also. I mean, you and I have this tight relationship now, but I know there's a lot of other people now that want to have relationships with our siblings and don't, for whatever reason. But maybe going back to those photos and seeing and remembering all the things that you share, the tapestry of your lives together, siblings are the one person, or the few people, that share your DNA and share your experience.

Speaker 2: 30:14

Have your history.

Speaker 1: 30:15

Have your history and all that stuff. A lot of times, people, to this day, so many people, don't speak with each other. I heard another story today. I was like, oh, they haven't talked in a year now. It was like, oh, I just see so much of that.

Speaker 2: 30:28

It can be a missed opportunity, especially if you can recognize a willingness in each other for something deeper and you're not just stuck on old stories. Who is this person that you probably chose to be in family with on some level? Why did you choose them? What is your shared experience and what is your perception of theirs and what is their perception of yours? It may be completely different stories, but maybe just opening up conversation to see what that is and see if there's something there that can go deeper.

Speaker 1: 30:59

You never know if you don't ask. Yeah, absolutely All right. That's been another episode of Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noel.

Speaker 2: 31:14

And I'm Lena. Let us know what your questions are and we'd love to use them on a future episode. Or check us out on Insta at LetThatShiftGo, or visit our website, serenitycovetomeculacom.