Let That Shift Go
"It's Not Me, It's You" Laughing Through Layers: Unveiling Our Emotional Landscapes and Healing Inner Blind Spots
Have you ever laughed so hard that it led to an epiphany about yourself? That's exactly what happened to us, Noel and Lena, when we pulled out the Skin Deep cards in our latest Let that Shift Go podcast episode. Join us for a heartfelt session where we peel back the layers of our unconscious patterns, revealing the emotional terrain shaped by our past. From tackling perfectionism to understanding how criticism can trigger unexpected responses rooted in childhood, we share our personal stories and offer strategies for uncovering the blind spots that dictate our behaviors.
Life can often feel like a complex puzzle, especially when it comes to relationships and emotional reactions. We open up about the dance between different attachment styles, with myself (Noel) navigating an anxious attachment and my wife's avoidant tendencies. Lena and I discuss the monumental role of taking a step back to observe our behaviors, the power of not taking criticism personally, and the significance of mindfulness practices in fostering self-awareness and healing. Our anecdotes and insights aim to guide you through the delicate process of self-reflection and understanding the roots of your emotional landscape.
Ever find solace in the rhythm of your footsteps or the whisper of leaves in a forest? We wrap up our episode by discussing the therapeutic power of walking and talking, and the calming embrace of nature. It's about finding what works for you, whether that's breathwork, meditation, or simply taking a stroll to clear your mind. We invite you to join our conversation, share your questions and experiences, and continue your journey of self-discovery with us, Noel and Lena, on the Let that Shift Go podcast.
Have you ever laughed so hard that it led to an epiphany about yourself? That's exactly what happened to us, Noel and Lena, when we pulled out the Skin Deep cards in our latest Let that Shift Go podcast episode. Join us for a heartfelt session where we peel back the layers of our unconscious patterns, revealing the emotional terrain shaped by our past. From tackling perfectionism to understanding how criticism can trigger unexpected responses rooted in childhood, we share our personal stories and offer strategies for uncovering the blind spots that dictate our behaviors.
Life can often feel like a complex puzzle, especially when it comes to relationships and emotional reactions. We open up about the dance between different attachment styles, with myself (Noel) navigating an anxious attachment and my wife's avoidant tendencies. Lena and I discuss the monumental role of taking a step back to observe our behaviors, the power of not taking criticism personally, and the significance of mindfulness practices in fostering self-awareness and healing. Our anecdotes and insights aim to guide you through the delicate process of self-reflection and understanding the roots of your emotional landscape.
Ever find solace in the rhythm of your footsteps or the whisper of leaves in a forest? We wrap up our episode by discussing the therapeutic power of walking and talking, and the calming embrace of nature. It's about finding what works for you, whether that's breathwork, meditation, or simply taking a stroll to clear your mind. We invite you to join our conversation, share your questions and experiences, and continue your journey of self-discovery with us, Noel and Lena, on the Let that Shift Go podcast.
Hello and welcome to the Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noel.
Speaker 2:And I'm Lena.
Speaker 1:And this is where we talk about the good, the bad and all the shift in between.
Speaker 2:We just talk mad shift.
Speaker 1:Let's get into it, and on this week's episode, it's not me, it's you, it's you. It's about blind spots.
Speaker 2:Yep, I'm going to like this one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you like this one.
Speaker 2:I do, I think, because we all have them.
Speaker 1:I've got a lot. You know they're hard. They were even hard when we were talking about this. It was hard to even name them. I'm so blind to them. Yeah.
Speaker 2:It doesn't come right to the forefront, but once we started picking away, they start to show us yeah, there's a way to figure out what they are.
Speaker 1:But before we get into that, let's get into the skin. Deep cards, all right, let's see if we can get a little vulnerability going. You want to go first, or?
Speaker 2:me. Yeah, I'll go first. Okay, all right. How would you title this? Chapter of our lives.
Speaker 1:How would I title this chapter of our lives? Yeah. One, two, three go.
Speaker 2:I would title it the shift.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean too obvious, but yeah, I think so.
Speaker 2:One, two, three go.
Speaker 1:Because I feel like this year we have or 2023 and 2024, we've just been moving past some of our fears that have been holding us back where we've. You know, a lot of times in the past, I've always tried to wait till I had perfection before I started to do anything. I was like, no, no, I got to get it all figured out and the more and more this last year, just one, two, three go trusting in myself and moving through it.
Speaker 2:Yeah. What if it is all put together? Just do it yeah, just pretend as if it is. Yeah, definitely I like that Okay.
Speaker 1:So my question is what's the most ridiculous thing you've seen me do, and why?
Speaker 2:The most ridiculous thing I've seen you do. Oh my gosh. My definition of ridiculous and yours are probably different.
Speaker 1:That's okay.
Speaker 2:What's ridiculous to you I'd say the way you ride your dune buggy looks ridiculous to me. Going up a vertical cliff of sand to me is like that's ridiculous.
Speaker 1:Doing a wheelie.
Speaker 2:It's probably because of my job as a flight nurse, I'm like these are the people I pick up, and so to me that seems super crazy. But the second I know it doesn't ask me for the second, but I love this one is you were so in admiration of Lucas Mac, who's the awakened, one of the awakened founders for breath work and so at fit for service. I think I dared you to.
Speaker 2:We had a part where you had to come as your evolved self or a shadow, self and you dressed up exactly like Lucas Mac which he has the best outfits, honestly and they just like I don't give a crap what you think outfits sometimes and so you had this pink beanie, these pink slippers, we put all this crazy jewelry on you and a netted shirt with tattoos, and then we show our jewelry, everything Big teeth, yeah, big teeth like all the things. And then we go to the event, and you didn't know that he would be there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was a little bit tricky, because I didn't mind. I was like, oh, I'm going to dress up, you know, because this is, you know, it was one. Something that I wanted to do is become a breath work facilitator. And I was like, oh, yeah, I'm going to dress up as Lucas Mac. And then when they said, oh, but he's here, and I went, oh, this is not cool.
Speaker 2:You were mortified, yeah.
Speaker 1:And then Mando's like you got to meet him, you got to see him, you got to see him and I'm like no, no, no, it's OK, I'm going to hide out over and then brought him over. Yeah. And then Mando went up to him and was like you know my brother-in-law this and that. And I walked up to him and he was like well, guess who Guess who he's dressed up as? And he looked me up and down and he was like I don't know.
Speaker 2:I was like oh, this is not going so well. Hella said it's you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, hella goes up and she goes. Oh, you nailed it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it was one of the most ridiculous, but it was also one of the most magical.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was.
Speaker 2:And then you became a facilitator with him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean everything in that, what I noticed, or in that fit for service. In the beginning we had a journal and we wrote a whole bunch of things that we wanted to accomplish, and I have accomplished everything in that. Yes. In that journal on that list, and one of them was to become a breathwork facilitator. And that was before I even knew. It was even possible.
Speaker 2:And an awakened breathwork facilitator.
Speaker 1:Yeah, specifically with Lucas Mac, so I made it. You just had to see it.
Speaker 2:One, two, three go.
Speaker 1:Well, it was ridiculous at the time. Yeah, I think it was awesome. It worked out great, yeah, so let's get into this topic about blind spots.
Speaker 2:OK yeah, I think just understanding them in the emotional patterns.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and how they affect us, and how they manifest.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the first thing is like how do they manifest? As unconscious patterns of behaviors, thoughts and emotions, and usually they're ones that we're unaware and unwilling to acknowledge.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So what is an example of something like that?
Speaker 1:For me a long time was like I really couldn't take criticism and of course most people are going to say that right. But I would take it unusually hard because I have such a need for perfectionism that anytime somebody would even say that I was doing anything wrong, I would, I mean, I think I would just flip reverse the heat, kind of a thing. Yeah, instead of even saying Well, what are you doing? Look at you, yeah, and I would just project something else.
Speaker 2:It's not me, it's you, distract, deflect, yeah it's not me, yeah, it's not me, it's you. So yeah, that's definitely. I'd say, that's definitely one, that is, I can recognize you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I mean it kept me. I mean it has kept me stuck for a long time because even through therapy, I think a lot of the focus of my therapy initially was pointing the finger at everybody else and looking at how everybody was so I don't know mean to me or good things to me growing up, that kind of a thing and then how things were unfair now and what I'm trying to go through and what was me. So I was really living in that victim mentality.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, even that you're in a victim mentality can be a blind spot.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, big time. Another one is like someone who consistently sabotages their relationships, right Because of fear, or fear of intimacy, and they're unaware of it.
Speaker 1:They're unaware of the modern. Yeah, they don't even know they're sabotaging. It's a self-sabotage, and I've done that plenty of times.
Speaker 2:Oh, you know. You know where you can see. A lot of it is on. Love is blind.
Speaker 2:I haven't watched that yet, oh my gosh, it is like a study in human behavior and if you wanna watch people in their blind spots, all love is has blind spots. That's what it should be called, Because we are watching people that are just unaware of their patterns and they can't figure out why their relationships are failing. And it's all two external stuff. But honestly, it's just like we continue to project we'll rationalize, we'll be in denial, we'll avoid Absolutely, and it just keeps us from really recognizing what the underlying issue is. And sometimes it's probably obvious to other people. But you just watch people continuously go through these patterns a lot of times in sabotaging relationships. Why? Because actually you're afraid to be intimate or you're afraid to be in a close relationship.
Speaker 1:It's kind of a protection mechanism.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a protection mechanism, and one that you're not even conscious that you're doing. You know, if somebody gets close, you push them away and then wonder why they left. And it's like you know, perhaps there's a reason why, not just that you're pushing them away. But why are you pushing them away? Are you actually afraid of intimacy If you don't know that you'll just continue to do it? Wonder why your relationships constantly fail, so things like that. I think I love this episode because I know that we all have blind spots.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sometimes I think conversely to that, like sometimes I feel like I'm too needy or I'm smothering, you know what I mean. So some people will pull away with you know, like an avoidant type attachment style, and then somebody like me who's anxious I'm always, you know, it's almost like I'm smothering sometimes and I'm not even aware of it. I just feel like I'm trying to fulfill a deep, you know, void in myself and I need closeness and connection. But that isn't necessarily the thing in the time.
Speaker 2:Well, and you're not even, you don't even know why you feel that way. No, that's why it's a blind spot, right? The other one is like, okay, well, let's say I must have blind spots. How do I recognize them? Cause even when we were sitting here talking and I'm like what are mine? And I thought, okay, go to the feeling. When do you feel the most triggered? When do you feel the most like angry or, et cetera, annoyed?
Speaker 1:What was that for you? What was the most?
Speaker 2:You know, I know that there's a few of them and I think that one of my early ones that for a very long time, probably decades, I was unaware of, is like people not showing up or not being on time and I'm waiting and I would go into like this inner rage and like this, like sadness. It would just make me so mad and so angry. And then you know and usually it was at Mondo who you'd be late and he didn't know. And I remember one time I you know he told me to meet him for lunch and I brought Jake. Jake was little and I'm sitting in the restaurant and I'm probably sitting there for at least 30 minutes and he's not there, which is not really that bad right, he was coming from work, but I could just feel this building of like this tension and like anger and just like I wasn't good enough to show up for.
Speaker 1:Was it being on time kind of a thing?
Speaker 2:It was making me like really wasn't being on time, because if had he called and said, hey, I'm gonna be 10 minutes late, it wouldn't have happened. It was the sitting there waiting for somebody Not knowing. Not knowing because, and it triggered this like sadness and rage and I would just like blow up and I'd be like I'm not even eating here, I'm leaving. Blah, blah, blah. What did I do you?
Speaker 2:know, and I was like, why am I? I'm so mad. But I realized that it triggered something in me from childhood, from waiting for a parent to pick me up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, gotta go back to source and they didn't come.
Speaker 2:And I was like, oh, what is that feeling so similar to it's that? So that's where I had a blind spot, like, yes, it's not okay for people to make you wait. Okay, but it happens, and it's not personal, but it threw me into a rage that was not congruent with the situation happening.
Speaker 1:But it wasn't about that moment, it was. You gotta go back to source earlier.
Speaker 2:It was from an old hurt, but I was not really thinking about the old hurt. I was just thinking it was because of what's happening right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, so things like that, or somebody saying you're too much, oh, that's it, oh, I'm too much really. You know, it's like that.
Speaker 1:You ain't saying nothing yet, jack. Yeah, let me show you too much. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, how about you? What do you think? Recognizing and identifying them?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, it's so hard to identify them within yourself. I thought, you know, when we were asking each other, when you were pointing it out to me, it seemed much easier. I think, for the things that I've currently been, you know, or, in the past years, been working through, even though I'm aware of them, I still, they're still blind spots, you know.
Speaker 1:It's specifically the criticism one that's, one I know about and I, you know, I really have this perfectionism in me and I feel like I have to be perfect and I'm trying so hard to be perfect and anytime anybody says anything, I take it so hard and take it as a loss and I have a hard time stepping back and looking at it as an opportunity to grow. Or, you know, in the moment, because it is such a blind spot for me, I just want to be perfect in that moment and try to please everybody, just the people pleaser, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think you know. One of these, when we're talking about trying to recognize them, recognizing and identifying them, is one is to notice the reoccurring stories and patterns, like you know that this certain thing kind of turns over and over and again, like so it's just like the relationships that constantly end because of something or that you know, for me, I'm constantly getting upset if people don't show up on time or they don't tell me they're going to be late.
Speaker 2:It's like why is that such a thing for me? So in trying to do this introspection, it was like, okay, how do I figure out what they are? Is to try and notice the patterns. And then the other thing is, you know, if still nothing's coming up, you can ask people around you, and sometimes it's not blind to them, you know, but it can be blind to you.
Speaker 1:Journaling is also good, or? Re-going back through your journaling, because that's one thing where we have the ability to recognize patterns, you know. And see things.
Speaker 2:Wow, this is.
Speaker 1:I've already written about this, you know, this is another. Oh, here it is, you know. So you know a consistent see with journaling. I think helps to maybe find that for ourselves individually.
Speaker 2:Or having like a mindfulness practice. You know where you kind of slow down, you kind of step out of all the chaos and the noise and just come back to stillness. And what are the still, the stories that are running through your head? You know what are the stories you're telling yourself About who you are.
Speaker 1:Some of those 80% of those negative thoughts, 95% of the looping, thoughts.
Speaker 2:What is the looping thought? That's, I think, feel like that's kind of a clue yeah. It's the looping thought that seems to reoccur. So I don't know, and part of that is just trying to uncover. You know, how do you uncover the root causes and the blind spots, so that I'm telling you a lot of times it's coming out of childhood. Here's a clue.
Speaker 1:Look back, yep, take some time, yep, think about that first time you felt that like, because you touched on that earlier, like you had to go back to, like, what am I feeling in my body? Yeah, right, yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2:And I think I don't know if we talked about this before, but we have these three parts. You know may have talked about in the last episode, but the three parts being we develop our feeling self first, which is the zero to seven age because we don't have intellect, so all we can do is feel.
Speaker 2:Everything in our environment is through feeling. Or if there's a smell, you can get a feeling. If there's like a certain behavior that's going on, you can get a feeling about it. If there's, you know whatever. You don't have intellect, you just know how something made you feel. Then, from you know, coming up from that age into adult, you have your rational self, so you rationalize everything. Well, this must be this, this must be that. But it's not necessarily tied to consciously what you're feeling, it's just a rationalization of it. I mean, even as an adult, you can be like, why is this making me so mad? Like, yeah, he's late 20 minutes for breakfast, but I'm feeling all these things and it's not really rational because maybe he got stuck somewhere. Well, it's because it's not about rationalization, it's about the feeling.
Speaker 1:We try to rationalize our blind spots or justify our blind spots.
Speaker 2:Yeah and it's hard because it's not necessarily coming from a conscious place. It's many times coming from a feeling or how. Something made you feel. So you know. And then the third part is your higher self. This is the more neutral self. So you have your feeling self, your rational self and your higher self. Well, the rational self is all caught up in the stories. Feeling self is all cut up in the feelings. Your higher self is just kind of neutral, like yeah.
Speaker 1:And those are kind of stages that you kind of go through. You said, zero to seven years old, you're in the feelings, and then seven Up you're in rational. Rational.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then higher self yeah, if you are able to kind of become aware of what the stories are so they're also kind of stages.
Speaker 1:It's kind of like we're talking yeah yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:We're always trying to move through them, but just noticing when something's really coming from a feeling is not rational, like it's not adult Lena who's having that like reaction? It's really feeling, lena. It's feeling abandoned, sitting there in the restaurant.
Speaker 1:Yeah, being able to step back and observe that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely, but like, yeah, someone who the other one that I like as an example is someone who grew up in a household where vulnerability was perceived as a weakness, so yeah, I mean that seems pretty common.
Speaker 1:I mean that's just where we lived at. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, if you grew up and having feelings was weak, it's gonna be really hard for you to show feelings as an adult.
Speaker 2:Yeah, shut up, stop crying, expressing your emotions and the other thing with this being a blind spot is it may make you really uncomfortable when people express their emotions and you may not even understand, like why is it making me so uncomfortable that they're crying or they're talking about how they're feeling? It's like why are you doing that? Like it just makes you really. It's a trigger, right and rationally you's like well, I mean, it's not that big a deal, but feeling-.
Speaker 1:It's not about me. It's not me, it's not me it's you Feeling.
Speaker 2:You was like, yeah, that wasn't okay growing up and that might be something that you're not even really conscious of, but it's just like that program that's running in the background. So how do we work with these things? What are the things that we can do and recognize? And one of the things you talked about was attachment theory and like, let's talk about that a little bit.
Speaker 1:Attachment theory. Yeah, so there's a book written about it called Attached, and they talk about different attachment styles between couples. And I happen to be an anxious. I have an anxious attachment style and then there's also secure attachment style and then there's avoidant attachment style and there's variations of like mixes. Some of them are a meshed, where you have anxious, avoidant, you know that type of thing. But generally speaking, myself I have an anxious attachment style and my wife has an avoidant type attachment style.
Speaker 1:I was totally oblivious and aware to any of that. So, like we talked about with the need for connection, and one of my love languages is physical touch and so sometimes when I'm in a stressful situation or I'm being triggered, actually I feel the need to have close or touch or hug or whatever. And my partner happens to be or happens to have an avoidant type attachment style and if the scenario is stressful or any kind of conflict, well, she doesn't happen to have the need to wanna get close, she actually has the need to kind of pull away and step back and analyze and that's just her mechanism for protection and safety. And mine is the exact opposite and for many years I had zero idea that that was happening or even a thing for her. It just felt like for me that it was a like an abandonment or kind of a stepping away, so it was hard to recognize that.
Speaker 2:So that's all stepping into the blind spots. It's like this is what's going on, but until you started working with that, I think that before that, you could just go into a reaction about it as opposed to recognizing. Ah this is actually-. This is what's happening. Yeah. And that's coming through like psychoanalysis or cognitive behavioral therapy or just kind of educating yourself on the different types of attachment styles, that we're gonna do a whole new episode on attachment styles, I think.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I think that's one of the things is uncovering the root causes you know and where does that come from. And once you have it is kind of adding into the rationalization, but bringing awareness to it probably makes it less triggering.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you gotta be. Really, I feel it's very helpful to be very curious with yourself and be very vulnerable with yourself While journaling like expressive writing, just being brutally honest with yourself, because that's what it really took for me to kind of, you know, recognize and see that within myself Because we justify and we deny and all these things but really getting vulnerable with myself and being just brutally honest about how I'm being, what I'm seeing, really gave me some steps to kind of make changes in the places that I'm blind.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like that. So that is part of the strategies for addressing blind spots is one. The one thing we stress all the time is just becoming aware.
Speaker 1:Mindful.
Speaker 2:Mindfulness. Cultivating in a mindfulness practice is in self reflection.
Speaker 2:I mean that's what can help uncover a lot of the unconscious patterns and increase awareness for blind spots. So what is mindfulness right? I mean, in a sense it's just slowing down and kind of detaching from everything that's going on and really being able to hear yourself, and having different practices for being able to do that. So that is one thing that I would encourage our listeners is to find a mindfulness practice for sure. I actually have a book that's I'm gonna make available, just a workbook for people to be able to kind of work through mindfulness.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm pretty excited. It's pretty awesome.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I'm gonna make it available on the site, so if you're looking to find a way to practice mindfulness, there'll be something coming very soon.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a very good baseline to get yourself into this space and have some practical knowledge and some ways to kind of apply them and understand some of the vernacular that we use in this space.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just started asking questions, one recognizing the patterns, recognizing when you go into denial or anger. That's not congruent with what the situation actually is. Those are big indicators that you probably have a blind spot. Once you start to ask that question, it's like well, what is that about? What is that feeling Is that bringing up?
Speaker 1:Well, some of these blind spots, I gotta admit, people have been telling me for years and I just didn't ever listen. You know what I mean. You hear it and you just go. Ah, whatever, they're just saying that. But if you look back or if you've just really rewind the clock a little bit and think about the names you've been called or the things you've been accused of or the way you are when people try to call out your character flaws in so many ways, you gotta take a grain of salt with it. You can't take everything in there, but in some ways I see some patterns of like yeah, you know, people have been saying that about me for a long time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's your patterns.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You gotta take your emotion out of it, you gotta detach from what you're making it mean about you and really take a look. You know, I love stepping into that observer mode and just being like how is that true? Or how do I observe myself in that situation or what happened, and kinda step back out of the story, so you're not the main character, and just kinda see it from the outside perspective of what was going on and what was really happening. What was happening internally, what's happening externally, and is there something here that's just is not obvious? Yeah, but to you yeah.
Speaker 2:But maybe to others.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for some reason, I always feel like anytime, it's like I'm the bad person.
Speaker 2:Well, there's your criticism.
Speaker 1:I took it as a criticism yeah, I mean, I take it so personal and we talk about you. Know what other people do says nothing about you. It says everything about them. Yeah. But I take I've always taken things so personal that it made it, you know, difficult to kinda separate myself from that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it probably made it difficult for people to approach you with more honest feedback.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right, it's like that's not safe. I don't think I'm gonna even tell him because he's not gonna be recede. Well.
Speaker 1:Well, also cause I would flip it back on them, and you know what I mean. I was, you know, so good at reversing the heat on some. If somebody called me out and somebody like, yeah, okay, well, what about you?
Speaker 2:know you just like flip it right back to them yeah just 10 times harder, yeah, so. I'm not gonna tell him nothing Like I hope he develops a mindfulness practice so he can figure that out.
Speaker 1:Well, I lost probably a lot of friendships that I don't even know why I lost them because of things that I've said and done.
Speaker 2:I just wasn't mindful about that, you know. Yeah, I don't think that's true anymore. I don't have, I don't have any trouble telling you.
Speaker 1:No, I'd hope that I've kind of risen past that feeling and the rational and you know, floating in some of these stages that were unconsciously conscious.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, One of the books that I love about this.
Speaker 1:I think, to help. What was that Unconsciously competent, competent, unconsciously?
Speaker 2:competent. One of the books I love about this is a book called Myth of Normal. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I think reading that book actually helps you to question whether or not you might have some blind spots on things, because it talks about the things that we think are completely normal. Like we're raised culturally, you know it's kind of our programming. That may not be, you know. Why do you think that that's normal and start to question like, why are you? You know, how is that leading into anger, how is that leading into sabotage of relationships? How is that leading into all of that and being able to really kind of have compassion for yourself?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, that's kind of a big thing too is really being able to observe yourself without being emotional about it in some ways and really just kind of having like that observer effect.
Speaker 1:Compassionate but also accountable. Yes, countability, then compassion, because I think you have to really take accountability for your part in any of that stuff.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, just accepting your flaws, your imperfections as part of your human experience, rather than striving for that.
Speaker 1:Perfectly imperfect yeah.
Speaker 2:I have that, yeah, that's it. That was like a very big motivator. And then, just how do you, you know, just integrating this newfound awareness into your daily life, you know? And then that takes practice. It takes practicing new behaviors and responses that are based on some, you know, increased self-awareness.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So once you start figuring these things out and really seeing them and you're able to kind of forgive yourself, is to start doing things differently.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So would you take like like we wrote down three of the things that were maybe some of our potential blind spots. Would you say like maybe journaling on those things is just kind of seeing? Or maybe I'm almost thinking like going back to when somebody told me about my blind spots and was really trying to point out like hey, you really are.
Speaker 2:You know you over-explained because you know, Like just saying that you over-explained. That could be like okay, is that? Could that possibly be true, if you really are able to step back and think about it from, you know, an outside perspective? To be honest with yourself.
Speaker 1:Really, being honest, I did because what I've learned is that in some of the cases where I speak too much, or I talk too much, it's because I'm not even really confident in my own viewpoint on it, so I almost am trying to convince myself. Oh yeah, does that make sense? Yeah, so I just over-explained it when saying less is so much more now, because you know it gives the other person their ability to interpret from their perspective.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, it's like reading a I'm not trying to control the conversation either.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know. Like reading a book, I feel like my mind is not limited to what I can imagine the possibilities. If this is a, you know, a fantasy book, it's just, it's infinite because my mind has the ability to go there. But when I watch it in a movie, I'm limited to what the director's vision is for it. So, really doing it for myself, I really just have to take it in fully for myself.
Speaker 2:I think a lot of this too. You know, if you're on this path and you're trying to figure out like, all right, what are my blind spots? How am I going to? What are the patterns? Where am I not seeing these things? How do I keep ending up in this situation? All right, so I'm doing the work, right You're? You've become from unconscious, unconscious incompetence to conscious incompetence.
Speaker 2:So what do you do with it? Is it's probably going to lead to some inner child healing? Yeah, and I feel like that is that's something a lot of people are talking about now, but it is. It's a gateway to a lot of things, to really kind of it's a gateway to the feeling self and to be able to access, you know, some of the old hurts or the old ways that we were taught it was okay to be in the world. And when you're able to kind of bring those things home, like really kind of integrate and do some healing work with your inner child, then it kind of changes the way you show up, right, cause those old patterns aren't running, or you then have a choice to choose. How would I, how do I actually want to respond in the situation? Is this actually about me? Why am I making it personal? If I am, how do I not?
Speaker 2:can actually show up.
Speaker 1:You know, yeah, I think you have to be in a really regulated state in order to to to hear some of these things, cause what I was thinking is like man, I think I would. How would I approach this? Maybe I would ask somebody that I was close to, that I had some sort of safety with, or somebody that a confidant that I could talk to him about. Hey, I want to. I wondered if you would consider sharing with me what you think some of my blind spots are, and and really be ready to hear that, because I don't know, I've I've done something similar, but I already had this self convicted.
Speaker 1:You know, like I was, I was super anxious because I already felt bad about it and I was already judging myself, and so when I, when I was talking about it, it didn't go really well, cause then I automatically was like, but, but this? But you know, it's not me but I tried it on another occasion where I was much more regulated, did some rough work first and kind of just settled in and was like, okay, I think I'm in a space where I'm ready to just hear and listen.
Speaker 2:Got such a good point.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because if you're going to ask somebody, you got to be in a space where you're To receive it, ready to receive. Yeah, cause I tried it when I wasn't and it didn't go well and the other person was not too happy about it. It was like a nightmare for them because it was like I was.
Speaker 1:Then they called me out on something, called me forward, called you forward, yeah, but I, I took it as calling me out and so I was just, you know, defending, defending, and it was like, oh wait a minute. But I asked this is something that I'm asking for.
Speaker 2:So I wasn't the one. I when, I when I called, I wasn't really ready for it.
Speaker 1:So that's the way that it wasn't successful. But I, you know, I wonder what you think about that. Like different ways that others can maybe ask others, ask a friend or a family member or somebody.
Speaker 2:I think what you just said is really important is, yeah, you need, if you're going to be, you know, kind of be with someone you trust and you want to ask about what do you think my blind spots are? And really kind of do some self-discovery with someone who can mirror back to you A regulated nervous system before you go into. That is really important because you're still walking in with a blind spot when I closed and the other we were saying today, like a regulated nervous system is the new sexy, you know. So figuring out ways to regulate your nervous system first, before you kind of go into a conversation like that, or even before you're even going to do some self-reflection, because if you're already revving and kind of beating up on yourself or you're already angry, it's not going to be the best place to be looking around you know on your interior.
Speaker 2:So finding ways to regulate your nervous system is really important. And if there are people who are like, well, how the hell do I do that? Okay, so let's end with some ways to do. That Is one breath work, two breath work, and then you know, also breath work, no, but also mindfulness you know, practicing some mindfulness techniques, practicing meditation and journaling.
Speaker 2:So what does that mean? It means that you're moving energy. You're moving a lot of that stagnant energy like that hyped up, revved up energy. We need to like move that out, you know, and if we can get to a place where we're doing that, then we're better able to hear, we're better able to self-reflect.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and sometimes that it's helpful to walk while talking, because it keeps your mind busy, it's moving and so the emotions don't hit so hard. I find that's helpful for me Going out on a walk and having these conversations One, I'm out in nature, it's beautiful, and two, I'm moving and I'm not sitting with those things, so something about that movement helps with putting myself into that place If I'm not in a calm place.
Speaker 2:I can do some walking or something. There's probably a ton of different ways, but those are probably some of the ones that I I think you know, even in having this conversation, I think that if you start with finding ways to regulate your nervous system first and then really start doing some self-reflection, you'll be able to access so much more of yourself in that way. Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1:Definitely yeah it wasn't me, it's you, it's you All. Right, that's been another episode of Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noelle and I'm Lena.
Speaker 2:Let us know what your questions are and we'd love to use them on a future episode. Or check us out on Insta at LetThatShiftGo, or visit our website SerenityCovetomeculacom.