Let That Shift Go
Shift on Deck !: Sergio Cardenas on Mental Health and the Art of Self-Metamorphosis
Sergio's experiences unfold a narrative that many of us can relate to - the protector, the provider, the unwavering support system for others, often at the expense of our own emotional availability. Together, we traverse the paths from emotional unavailability to presence in our relationships, illustrating the paradoxical truth that sometimes, to gain control, we must first let go. The stories we share, from recognizing the unconditional love surrounding us to the life-changing conversations with loved ones, emphasize the unmistakable strength found in openness and self-reflection.
Join us for heartfelt discussions on overcoming the fear of being discarded, the importance of closing life chapters on our own terms, and the realization of our self-worth. Sergio's voice lends wisdom to the significance of mentorship and self-care, reminding us that our journey isn't solely about reaching destinations, but about cherishing the growth along the way. So settle in, open your heart, and prepare to be inspired by an episode rich with encouragement and brimming with insights on embracing the full spectrum of love, acceptance, and the exhilarating plunge into the depths of self-awareness.
Sergio's experiences unfold a narrative that many of us can relate to - the protector, the provider, the unwavering support system for others, often at the expense of our own emotional availability. Together, we traverse the paths from emotional unavailability to presence in our relationships, illustrating the paradoxical truth that sometimes, to gain control, we must first let go. The stories we share, from recognizing the unconditional love surrounding us to the life-changing conversations with loved ones, emphasize the unmistakable strength found in openness and self-reflection.
Join us for heartfelt discussions on overcoming the fear of being discarded, the importance of closing life chapters on our own terms, and the realization of our self-worth. Sergio's voice lends wisdom to the significance of mentorship and self-care, reminding us that our journey isn't solely about reaching destinations, but about cherishing the growth along the way. So settle in, open your heart, and prepare to be inspired by an episode rich with encouragement and brimming with insights on embracing the full spectrum of love, acceptance, and the exhilarating plunge into the depths of self-awareness.
Hello and welcome to the Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noelle.
Speaker 2:And I'm Lina.
Speaker 1:And this is where we talk about the good, the bad and all the shift in between.
Speaker 2:We just talk mad shift.
Speaker 1:Let's get into it and on this week's episode, shift on deck. Shifting on deck. You may hear a little chirping in the background, but we've brought some light energy into the room with little chicks.
Speaker 2:Yeah, those aren't outdoor birds.
Speaker 1:But today we got a special podcast, Lena. Why don't you tell us a little bit more about it?
Speaker 2:Today we have someone who's very special to me, someone I feel like is a soul brother Sergio Cardenas. Welcome, cardenas.
Speaker 1:Welcome, cardenas.
Speaker 2:I met Sergio over nine years ago when I started with Reach and I had the pleasure of having him as a partner and a mentor back when I was working in El Centro. Sergio is, like he has always been, this very strong, intelligent personality with this very the energy of Sergio is just very like we're going to get it done. Like I knew when I was going to partner with Sergio, I actually asked to partner with Sergio, because I knew that one.
Speaker 2:he would call me on my shit no matter what, and I would be better for working with him.
Speaker 1:What made you think that?
Speaker 2:Well, I knew his reputation of being somebody who was highly respected as a clinician, as a partner, all of that Right. But he was also very intimidating to people. Because I think one thing is, if you knew that you were going to be called on your shit, you could be afraid and you could look at it like, well, I don't want to be, I don't want that. But also you knew that you would be, you'd be better, and it was done really with love and it was done with fairness and respect and that that was going to be environment that you could really learn to thrive in. So for me, that was like, yeah, I want that, I want that, I want to be called forward and I want to be better. And I knew that, being in his company, I that was definitely going to happen. So I was excited. I was like I want to be your partner, will you be my partner? And I was like, no, I said no.
Speaker 2:But yeah it ended up being one of the best parts of my career at reach Um and so, yeah, I was I'm just in in meeting him, like in working with him. Honestly, sergio, was like one of the best times of my life just getting to see you with patients, and you were always like this, like, yeah, very tough guy, but man, I could see right through it. There was like this marshmallow right in the middle put an old lady in front of me.
Speaker 2:You put an old lady in front of him, or any woman, I would just watch him like that's him right there, softened and loving and caring, but he would take the best care of you. Like if you needed a patient advocate, this was your person right here. If something was going down, I'd be like call sergio oh, thank you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's a tall order. Um, yeah, I mean, it was uh. It was really uh a good time yeah, I mean that partnership that you and I had was uh yeah, I would have to agree with you. It's probably one of the best that I've ever had, um and I.
Speaker 3:It's really hard to recreate that right, because we trusted each other, um, we weren't afraid to tell each other that we're messing up or making a mistake, and I think at the end of the person in front of us, the patient in the gurney or the litter, and regardless of what the operation said, regardless of what the rules were, we were trying to do the best that we could for that person, and I still function that way today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's still working as a flight nurse with. Mercy Air, and so he's still out there. Don't worry everyone, you're going to be fine.
Speaker 3:He takes great care of sergio is in the air, so we're good yeah shift on deck yeah, yeah, it's a big responsibility, right, but, um, I don't know, I just I guess I always enjoyed the uh, the protecting piece. Didn't know why until I started to really explore that a year ago.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, because the reason we have you on is not to talk about your flight career no the reason
Speaker 3:the reason we have you compared? To this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we want to know what caused you to notice the thing, to know that you had to take a shift yeah.
Speaker 3:So you know, I think, um, I I should probably start with kind of telling you a little bit about what makes me tick.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, please.
Speaker 3:And then, but yeah, so I am one of two kids, right, that we have. I'm a twin, so there's another person just like me out there.
Speaker 1:Identical.
Speaker 3:Identical and he's in Texas, so be careful. But yeah, I grew up kind of everywhere, initially in LA, and then we moved away after the riots in 92. Went to Mexico for a few years. We built a house in the middle of nowhere, lived there until 97-ish when my mom got sick. She had breast cancer so we came back to the States, got her treated for that and then moved to Imperial County, which, if you guys don't know where that's at, look at the armpit of California and then go south.
Speaker 3:So it's the most southeastern part of the state. It's the middle of the desert and there's really not much here or there. So we lived there. I went to high school, met my wife there and, you know, got married really young, had two beautiful children and you know, when I, once I became 18, I joined the fire department. So I was there as a volunteer, eventually became a full-time paid guy as I was going through nursing school because I had screwed up in high school enough that I couldn't that I wasn't accepted at any other college. So I went to community college, went to the nursing program, cause I was the second best option. Right, I still wanted to be a doctor, but eventually went through that, became a nurse. So I worked as a fireman for about 10 years and then in 2005 ish, I became a nurse. I worked in the er icu, moved around a little bit and then, uh, ended up getting my first flight job, like in 2007 which is unheard of right.
Speaker 3:I think I was only a nurse for like six months or something, or maybe a little bit longer, and had no business flying, but I did and basically kept flying since, right, um so it's been a big part of your life yeah, you know for ever, right, that I can remember now it's been 17, 18 years that I've been in the air, flying and also working in the air now recently but but it really defined who I was, right.
Speaker 3:It became a part of me, right? Not the other way around, I wasn't a part of it. I was the standard for my family that needed somebody to look up to. I was the standard for the community because the reason that I wanted to fly was because I didn't see people that looked like me doing that job. So I wanted to fly was because I didn't see people that look like me doing that job. So I wanted to change that.
Speaker 3:So during my time there I was able to really change the dynamics and the care of Imperial County. The face of that company really changed because I had a huge influence in that, right, and it really defined me, right. So what caused me to shift? Last year I changed career paths, not because it was my option or my decision, so I lost my job and it really threatened who I was. I think for maybe a year or two before that I was kind of trying to explore my mental health situation, right, because I had always been the doer, the protector, and I never really gave myself time to acknowledge things right Feelings, emotions, whatever they were. I thought I was and I thought I was really into it, in tune with myself.
Speaker 1:What kind of things were you doing at that time?
Speaker 3:You know, I was seeing a therapist into it, in tune with myself. What kind of things were you doing at that time? You know, I was, uh, I was seeing a therapist. Um, I, I did a couple other podcasts about mental health like, hey, what do you do for your mental health? And they were looking at to me as a representative of this community, right to, hey, what he's doing, really well, what is he doing? He's he's not, you know, he's not going crazy, he's not like drinking himself to death, he's like stable.
Speaker 3:But underneath it all, it was just a mask, right, it was a facade, right. I was hurting, and it wasn't until I lost my job that it really made me question who I was. I lost my identity overnight, right, and it wasn't my decision. So I had to figure out who I was, and not only who I was to myself, but who am I to my children, who am I to my wife? Right, I realized that the last you know, 14 years prior to that, I wasn't there. I wasn't a dad. I mean, I was in like little spurts Provider. Yeah, I was the things that they needed, sort of Physically right, not the emotional support that they needed. I wasn't that, I wasn't their shoulder to cry on. I wasn't the person that was hugging them. I wasn't. I told them that I love them, but did I actually mean it a hundred percent with the full heart that I have now?
Speaker 1:More than words.
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely Right. So it really made me fall into this dark hole Right. And that happened over a few weeks and I remember when I first got let go I called Lena right. And I remember when I first got let go I called Lena right Cause I'd seen obviously we were partners and I knew kind of that she was on this path to enlightenment, right, if you want to call it that. And I said I need help Right and she's like my doors are open. Come over.
Speaker 1:Was that a difficult step to reach out and ask for help? Not to her? Why?
Speaker 3:Because I trusted her, because we had been through things flying together in situations that I, like I had to trust her with somebody else's life right and those and she did the same to me plainly yeah I could say, hey, we're gonna do this, and I knew that whatever uh task on that list were hers, they got taken care of, right, and then she did the same thing. So we kind of had this trust for each other.
Speaker 3:That was much more than just the partnership. Right, like we really got into it, man, like we were tight.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Right. So then, when this happened, I already knew Armando Right Like we had gone on a cruise together. My kids had been to her house before Right. So then, when this happened, I already knew Armando right Like we, we had gone on a cruise together. My kids had been to her house before Right. We were friends, we are friends yeah.
Speaker 3:And and that's a tough one for me to say because I don't have very many real friends that are female Right and I trusted her. So I reached out and her and armando said the right things and uh, which was come over which was come over.
Speaker 3:Which, by the way, a year before that, I had reached out to her and I said, hey, uh, I see what you're doing, I see your social media, I want some of that right and come over, come over. And I always made some excuse to not come over because I wasn't ready right, yeah, it took the stressful event to catapult me into this vulnerability space to the u-turn yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:So I reached out and I came over, and that's the same day that I that I met you and I'll tell you what man. It changed my life forever, like it was the greatest decision, or, yeah, the greatest decision I've ever made, probably. Um, I've been able to learn how to uh, you know, just feel yeah, yeah, more than anything is acknowledging that I have, I'm a human being right, and that I'm much more than just the flight nurse, not just yeah you know, I'm not just that, yeah, I'm many things.
Speaker 2:That is a part of me, not the other way around yeah, but it wasn't until that was like that identity was sort of ripped away that you had no choice but to look at it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I had to look at myself in the mirror. And no flight suit, no helmet, plain clothes. And who are you?
Speaker 3:And I didn't know how to answer that and now I can answer that that's almost a year later. I can answer that wholeheartedly. I'm not a flight nurse. I'm not just a flight nurse. Many things Right, and it was a realization that you know, a lot of people say you got to hit rock bottom. Maybe that wasn't a rock bottom, but it was a dark, dark time. Yeah, it was a dark tunnel, you know, and yeah, so that's what caused me to open my eyes. Really.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what caused you to take the shift. Yeah, yeah, I love that because, you know, sometimes we think when the worst thing happens, that's it, and honestly, that can be the jumping off point for everything is to use that time to turn around. And it feels like, you know, there were whispers, there were some whispers the year before, and then you know I'm not ready, so, okay, well, now we're going to shout, and so now, yeah, here's a bat.
Speaker 3:Let me hit you on the head with that.
Speaker 2:All right, he's not listening. Let's turn up the heat just a little bit and bring him back to himself.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and you know it's. You know I told you this before right, but like my mom was the same way. My mom you remind me a lot of her right, Because she was into energy and crystals and to just being grounded and being like happy, you know, loving. It doesn't matter what the situation was, she never freaked out, she was just okay, Right, and I always fought it. I don't want to be like that. I need to be strong, I need to be this.
Speaker 1:You don't want to be happy, apparently right. Well, lena said a couple weeks ago, most people choose to live in the familiar hell as opposed to the unfamiliar heaven well, because it's unfamiliar. I'm really good right here.
Speaker 3:Me and anger get along real well because that's the I'm really good right here, right, yeah, me and anger get along real well because that's the only emotion I knew forever yeah, yeah and and uh, I fought that right. And what's funny is my daughter is just like my mom and really a lot like lena right, and so is my wife and I'm like you, surrounded yourself every corner.
Speaker 3:I'm fighting this and in the end I'm like all right man, show me what these crystals are about so you tried to be tough and mean and or, you know, brave.
Speaker 1:But later in life you you recognize what your mom was was all those things that you said you didn't want to be yeah, and she was shouting, right, she was shouting at me get some help, go to this place, go to this place.
Speaker 3:And when I finally let it happen, oh my god yeah my mind opened up, right my, my eyes, you know. The cloth came off and I was like able to see what was right in front of me, which was everything that's always been there. Right, because things are just the way they're supposed to be.
Speaker 1:Without all the filters and the lenses that we look through.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know, I demonized a lot of things right. Throughout the years and I always wanted to do things for the you know air quote right reason, right. What was that right reason? It was the wrong reason? Right. What was that right reason? It was the wrong reason? Right? It was to achieve and do and have things and have things for my kids and, you know, provide a stable future for my family. But I forgot to do the most important thing, which was actually show them that I love them, right?
Speaker 3:Or, you know, show them that I cared about their feelings right or you know, show them that I cared about their feelings, right. It's if you ask my son like and he's very familiar with the quote nobody gives a shit about your feelings.
Speaker 1:And why did I?
Speaker 3:say that Because I was afraid of my own.
Speaker 1:Even you didn't give a shit about your feelings.
Speaker 3:Until I had to.
Speaker 2:Until you're forced to.
Speaker 3:Yeah you know, and it's not until you hit that that you're put in that tunnel. Right that it makes you realize what's important. It's not the career and it's not the money right, it's the people that you care about, which is, if you have a family, it's them.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know, if you just have a wife, it's your wife, right? But it's that core support system. Now, guess what? I'm raising two children right now. I want them to be good human beings, but I'm showing them to not be. Yeah, that doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Reality checks Don't bounce.
Speaker 3:A friend of mine wrote a lyric and I was like, wow, that is a good that's a good one, and you're absolutely right, you know, and it all started with breath work, yeah.
Speaker 1:That was a special time for me because when you came and you were just so open and ready and leading you through a breath work, I didn't know much about your story, I didn't know little bits, and after the breathwork you were just really moved by the situation and you opened up to me and said that you haven't expressed feelings like that in quite a long time and you've been holding back and the breathwork kind of tore something open for you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know, I think I had done one session before remotely with Lena Right, and I wasn't ready number one I wasn't ready. Number two I was in a house in mexico, you know, and I remember like going through it and, uh, you know, people were sharing their experience and I was like did I do something wrong? Because, I don't, I didn't do anything and you know, and I almost kind of felt like I wasted my time right and then I was like, man, that sucks, okay.
Speaker 3:So then later I come here. Now I'm ready, right, and I come here. And you know, yeah, I meet you. You, you spoke to me right, like you, I, I saw what you were doing, I saw you for you, and that was the first time that I was able to do that by myself in a very long. To see another human being for who they are was something I hadn't done in a long time. Right, I could see patients right and see them and say, oh, you know they've lived a life and you know they got this medical problem, whatever, and they're more than just a patient in the bed. But that's as far as it went right to connect like that with another human being.
Speaker 3:I hadn't done in a very long time and I'm probably since I met my wife right, which was tough, um, and when I when I was able to do that and I wasn't judged right because i- was surrounded by people that love me. When we went into the breathwork session, I was able to believe I was able to just let loose, let go, don't control anything and take it wherever it's going to take you, just ride the wave.
Speaker 3:Right yeah ride the wave, right? Yeah, and when I did you know, I think I said this before, it's like I when I was in it in the breathwork session, right? Um, that session specifically, you dropped like little pieces of imagery while we were activating, right, and the first round I was able to like, cool, like I started to feel like like I was turning on right tingly yeah, tingly and a little, maybe the chills a little bit, but I was still able to control, right.
Speaker 3:And then the. When you did it the second time, now that we were activated, um, I couldn't, I couldn't just ignore what you were saying, right, and I let it take me wherever it wanted to take me, right, and I had a vision of me sitting on the dock with my grandmother. That's been dead since I was like 10. Right, and not only can I see that, I can see the silhouette of us sitting at this dock watching a still lake. Right, I could feel her hand.
Speaker 3:I could feel the warmth of her hand and the wrinkles in her hand, and that made me extremely emotional, right, because the whole premise of the breathwork session was, well, being a warrior, right, being a warrior. And when I came out of that, a lot of things just made sense, right. Why did I pick this career, um, over anything else? Because I wanted to, uh, protect other people in my life from the suffering that my mom went through when she found out her mother had just died. I wanted to stop that, right, and guess what? I realized that I couldn't. I couldn't stop that, I couldn't stop my family from hurting when, when my mom finally died, I couldn't stop, uh, my family from hurting when my dad died. So I almost felt like I wasted my time in a sense right.
Speaker 3:But being that protector, that, that uh role that I, that I took upon myself, made me, um, not care as much of for my feelings, or maybe put them secondary, right. And I thought I was not becoming that person right, because I grew up in that time where mental health was starting to be a thing and, you know, don't do, don't, you know, make sure that you take care of yourself, and I thought it was yeah and I turn around and I'm not I, I am the story that they tell yeah, yeah, you know and uh, it all started with breathwork, right, and from that point forward, those other things that I could now explore conversations with you guys about.
Speaker 3:You know how you know the life is just life, and give myself forgiveness, and being allowing myself to make mistakes and allowing myself to understand that I'm much more than just that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I could now be a husband, I can now be a father, I could be a brother, which was really important to me Right and now I have a relationship with my brother that I didn't have a year ago.
Speaker 3:You know, I have a relationship with my kids that I didn't have in the last 17, 14 years yeah right and that's very, very important with me or to me right, yeah and not only that, but like I now have him connected to my wife at a level that I don't think I could have ever imagined, you didn't even know it was possible correct.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's because you didn't see it in your own home growing up. Sometimes, yeah, we don't see that, so we don't know what's possible what does it look like? Yeah, what does it look like?
Speaker 3:yeah, you know, I grew up my dad loved my one or my mom, and my mom loved my dad absolutely, absolutely. They did Right, but he wasn't walking around telling her he loved her every five minutes. And you know, now I'm like hey, I love you.
Speaker 2:She's like I know. You told me five minutes ago.
Speaker 3:I'm going upstairs. I love you. Okay, you know, now it's too much right now, yeah, but you know it. I never saw it Right and I never saw it Right and I knew they cared about each other, obviously Right, but he was doing the things. He was doing the best he could.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:And you know there's, I had to learn to forgive him for, you know, or maybe not forgiving him, but just allowing him to Be human, to be to make mistakes, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just like we did.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and we still make them right. Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, in watching your journey and even listening to you talk about the breathwork and even showing up here to do the breathwork and the conversations before, what really stands out is that you felt a sense of safety. You know when you're describing like, okay, I'm able to go in and I'm able to do this, and it was like watching you just be able to feel safe in the environment, safe with the people that you're with, in order to explore your own interior. You know like to, to let someone else hold the space for you to be able, for you to go in.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And it sounds like the first person that you you know you want to talk about, like how you want to let your kids feel and let them know it's okay. The first person you had to do that for was you.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:To let yourself feel, to let yourself know it's okay to feel and explore why you do feel the things that you do, and kind of trace that back and untangle a lot of the knots that we don't even know are there until we're ready to take a look.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know, one of the things that my daughter right Um she's she talks a lot more than my son, right Um, and the one thing that she told me after all of this, I think it was like in January you know, we're sitting down and we're going to start our own podcast, right, so we're starting to kick ideas around and we've got the mics on and everything. And I asked her like hey, what, what do you, what do you think is the biggest change that you have seen in me since I've started this? Right? And she said you're more emotionally available.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:That's humongous, that's like you know. I wasn't there before, right.
Speaker 2:She said I think you know you would go to my volleyball games or whatever, or events, and you were there, but you weren't there. Yeah, you were doing the thing.
Speaker 1:Even the fact that she knows, how to say you weren't emotionally available. Shows that you.
Speaker 3:She sees the growth in you because she's paying attention yeah, you know, and my son, right, I have a better relationship with him today than I ever have, right? And you know, he's 20, we're gonna be 20 and you know, know, uh, it's a work in progress, right, he's a little bit older and a boy or a man, and it's taken, it's going to take a little bit more, right. But guess what? I'm all the things that I'm learning. I'm trying to give them those tools as well, as they see me using them too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's the key. That's the key, like a lot of people you know, like they'll call me and be like hey, how can you work with my kid? Can you do that? And I'm like you know what, actually, if I work with you, that's how you affect your kid. Yeah, you know, because you have to do the work first and be able to emulate that process for them and you that could possibly teach them by them watching you, you know. So, whether it's through breath or just journaling or meditation, I mean a lot of these things like ah, it's out there, I've heard about this, I've heard about that. But it's just giving yourself an opportunity to explore your own interior and really ask yourself the hard questions, instead of letting the program that was just imprinted so long ago run everything.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, I mean I think a lot of that. Uh, that you know work with them or we'll do that later or whatever that's a lot of dismissive stuff, right, because we're afraid of our what we might find out yeah right, um, and I realized going through this, like when I finally made the decision I'm gonna get some help.
Speaker 3:Right, I'm gonna come here and I'm gonna give it all I got right and in 24 hours you put me through the gamut. Right, breath work, cold plunge sauna uh, the light vibroacoustic mat uh, meditation, uh what was it?
Speaker 2:20?
Speaker 3:that was the uh advanced training all of it right in 24 hours and when I left here I was raw right. I felt like, you know, somebody dragged me across the ground and I was abraded and I was raw. My skin was raw right and that was a great feeling, like for a lot of people. They might say that's scary right.
Speaker 3:I wasn't afraid because I was ready right, and I think that's the important piece is like when we dismiss it. You know if you're out there and you're saying like, hey, no, this is kooky or this is that or whatever, great, take a moment and say that in the mirror right and say like are you sure?
Speaker 3:or are you just saying that, because that's the surface, that's that's what your friends expect you to say. Your family expects you to say right, because you're you, should be okay, should be okay. It's okay to not be okay, it's okay to not be okay, but you gotta do something about it, right? And I decided to take control and say I'm going to do something about it. And guess what? By taking control is giving up control.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's. That's the kicker, right Is that when you show up to something like this ready, you have to be able to let go. Surrender and let it take you where it's going to take you, because the answers are inside of you.
Speaker 2:Yes, right.
Speaker 3:And you have to breathe and you have to access those, those corners of your mind and your heart and yourself to be ready to grow Right. So when I did all of it I still can I'm like I I was a hundred percent in right. I think I told you like hey man, I don't know what's going on, I don't know where this is going to go, but I feel like I'm at the edge of a river that's turning into a waterfall. Right, whatever things. Right, whatever things, methodologies, whatever teachings you have, whatever tools you have I'm in it. I feel like I'm at the edge of the waterfall and I'm just going to dive in headfirst.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Right, and that's scary yeah, it is, but it's also so liberating you know, because now I don't have to pretend to myself. I can be sad in front of my wife and I could tell her that I'm sad. I can be sad in front of my wife and I could tell her that I'm sad.
Speaker 1:I can be sad in front of my children and tell them that I'm sad. Yeah, it's better to tell them that you're sad than act sad or act angry, because sadness leads to anger sometimes yeah. Because then we find out why am I sitting in sad all the time? And then we turn into anger and then we're snippy at everybody.
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely. Or it's okay to just say hey. Just say, hey, I need a hug. Yeah, right, like and I do that to my daughter and my wife all the time, my son too. Hey, man, come here, what's up, I just need some sugar. Man, I just need some sugar. Right, I go like that with my hands. I need some sugar. Why?
Speaker 3:because I just need a hug and now they see that like man dad that's acting weird right and then then they like it yeah yeah, everyone, they all like it, right, because I don't that all of this clarity and all of this, these improvements, don't just affect my family at home, right? This branches out to my brother, my sister, um, you know, my wife's little sisters, my cousins, my mother-in-law, my father-in-law how is it, how has it affected?
Speaker 1:change it in your family as a whole?
Speaker 3:well, it's just you shifting well they, I can have conversations with my father-in-law that I probably have never had. Like, hey, man, like I realized that you know, growing up, when you know, been with my wife for 20 it's gonna be 24 years here Um, I realized that growing up you were a certain way, and it's okay, like I understand that you were trying to do the best that you could and you're, you know we may say or I may talk trash to you all the time about, like you're not doing enough here. You're not doing enough. Like you need to set a better example for your daughters or whatever, right. But and I've always said that you're a simple man, right, and I, today, I realize that, yeah, you may be simple but you're not stupid. You appreciate the little things. You spend time with them, right, you are there when they need you. Right, you're there when everybody needs you.
Speaker 3:Just because you're not rich and you don't achieve and achieve these things and you don't have 20 degrees doesn't make you any less of a human being. Yeah, I was able to have that conversation with them. I would have never been able to do that. Yeah, I've been able to accept that my mother-in-law loves me for me, not because I'm married to her daughter or because the things that I've done in my life. She loves me because she loves me Right, and that's really important to me, right Because I lost my mom.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:And she's been trying to fill that gap, not to replace my mom, but because she knows that I need motherly love, right? So she sees it, and she's been trying and for years I've been telling her yeah, I love you, yeah I love you, I never I never meant it until this last time that I came, when I went back home I felt that I freaking loved her man like my heart was incredibly full and I was able to tell her that and of course course you know she starts crying.
Speaker 3:But it's okay because I was crying and emotional because I loved her, not because I was sad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a special thing.
Speaker 3:I've never been able to do that in my entire life man, never Right. And that all comes from all of this. It all stems from breath, work, the journaling, the sauna, cold plunge right, empathic, integration. Sitting down on that vibroacoustic mat with the light, like all of this man, all of it broke you wide open.
Speaker 3:yeah, you know, and, and I was able to, for the first time, really feel right because I wasn't able to, and I was able to connect dots that I never would have thought were connected, right, um, you know, like I was able to really sit and think for for a moment, with my ego removed, and say what's going on, right, and lena held space for me and she was like you can talk if you want to talk, you don't have to say anything, you can dance, you can shake it out, you can cry, whatever. Just I'm here if you need me, right, and I think a lot of the work, the what allowed me to do that, was the journaling, right? She gave me a bunch of homework and I did it all and then I never read it to the day, to the night before, right, because she's like you need to read what you wrote the night before you came back came back and I read it and I was like, whoa, pretty deep stuff.
Speaker 3:Like I didn't I forgot I had written, written that, right, or uh, yeah, this is not accurate anymore because I'm in a different place, right, mentally, right or emotionally and when I was able to finally remove my ego and really think, you know, I think the question was hey, what are you feeling? I'm not feeling anything, but I'm seeing something. And that image was an image of my dad being pinned on the floor by the cops, right, and being arrested, right, for something that he didn't even do, right. And then, because it was a mistaken identity situation, right. But my mom went to jail because she didn't have an id on her, right. This is what we're kids I'm talking about, four or five oh man right and right the um, what uh?
Speaker 3:what's it called the inquiry? What's it called the inquiry? What is it?
Speaker 2:Empathic integration.
Speaker 3:No, no, no, Like compassionate inquiry Compassionate inquiry. You were just asking questions, right, Yep? Never once was she like you need to do this.
Speaker 2:And you know, three Hail.
Speaker 3:Marys and whatever it is. No, it was not punishment Right and I was able to really see, see like I I told that story before and it always was. It always came out of a place of like pride, like my dad went through that and he's a tough son of a gun.
Speaker 3:I never really analyzed what happened what you felt in that moment helpless and well, I was scared, right, but I was scared, but I was hugging my little brother because I had to protect them, right, and I I felt wrong for feeling sad, because it wasn't okay to feel sad because if I was, or scared, because if I was scared I would be weak and I didn't want to be weak, because I needed to be strong for my brother right at four years old or five, whatever, that is right yeah and I immediately connected that dot to some other point in our life.
Speaker 3:So you know, picture a movie plane and I land at you know we're like 12 and you know my mom and dad had a a period where they weren't green and my mom, I encouraged my mom to leave my dad, hey, you gotta leave. And so she packs up her kids and he my brother's. Like I'm not leaving, I'm not leaving my dad behind. So I said, okay, bye. So we left, right? Well, little did I know that that would make him feel abandoned, right?
Speaker 3:and he told me this as an adult years later, right and I. I couldn't remember that situation so, but when I'm in this session I was able to access that, and not only access it but feel what he must have felt then in that moment he felt abandoned, like the guy that protected him his entire life until he was 12, left him behind, right. So then I was really able to not necessarily feel guilty, because I realized that it wasn't my fault. I was a kid. Compassion, I was able to give myself a little grace.
Speaker 3:Yeah and say Forgave yourself and say and say, hey, okay, that's messed up, we need to fix this with your brother. Right, so table that to when I talk. Right and multiple things like that. Right situations with my wife where you know I always wanted to achieve. Right, because I was always on this train to be successful and set the example for family and other people to be great. Right, because they couldn't just be mediocre.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no.
Speaker 3:They got to be great.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're not going to be, not if they're coming with you. They got to be great.
Speaker 3:Exactly Right. And they couldn't be the janitor, they got to be the director of maintenance. You, janitor, they got to be the director of maintenance. You know, I mean, yeah, it's always. It was something like that, right. And um, I realized like holy shit, like is this really what I want? And you know, it wasn't until I realized in that moment that I always wanted more, and that included more wife, more, more love from her, and that in that moment I realized I love my wife Like I really love my wife and she's been enough my entire life. I have not been because I haven't allowed her to give me that Right. I haven't accepted her love. I've always pushed it away and said I want more.
Speaker 3:Made her feel like she wasn't enough, like she wasn't, and she's always been way more than enough that and said I want more, made her feel like she wasn't enough, like she wasn't and she's always been way more than enough that I deserve and I needed probably.
Speaker 1:I love that you draw the parallels with, you know, trying to reach so hard for work and just wanting more and more and assets and all the things. But I never really connected it that I'm also trying to gain and build love that way and asking for more love. Just like when I gain more stuff, there's more bills to pay, there's more. You know what I mean when? Because I don't think I have enough.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Just like I sometimes feel like I don't have enough love, so I'm asking for more.
Speaker 3:So yeah, and I guess it comes down to what is it that we consider love right? Are you getting the love in the way you want it or in the way you need it? Two different things there, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:We want it to look a certain way.
Speaker 2:Expect yeah.
Speaker 3:The expectation is really high, right? Or we can just say, hey, like she or whatever, our partner loves us, because they love us like. I think in the session I came to this like deep realization like my wife loves me out of all the people in this world. She chose to love me and I was like holy, like I remember saying holy shit, she loves me like.
Speaker 3:Like I was like a realization yeah, it was like, uh, like somebody dropped a bucket of cold water on me. Man, I was like she loves me you're already enough. Yeah, and I was already enough right and I'm like and I love her, like I love my wife, right? I think lena was like shit.
Speaker 3:I love sylvia I want to marry her yeah and it was like it was this deep, and not only that, but like I felt my heart so full, man, because it was like I felt it full for my kids, for my brother, for my wife, for my mother-in-law right, like I felt so full of love that I I don't think I've ever felt that or maybe I don't remember what that feels like right, um, and I was able to connect all these dots and move forward like I love everybody like everyone's everyone's cool, right, like it's okay for me to, you know, be around my mother-in-law and be like I'm kind of sad today yeah and she's like, oh, it's okay, give me a hug, that's all I need just letting people know how you feel.
Speaker 2:That's all they could be there for you, yeah you know, you had to meet yourself there first in order to receive that, and I felt like watching you. That's what you were doing was tracing back and tingling all of these knots so that you could meet yourself. Yeah, and then, when you made that space for yourself, it made room for you to feel all this love from your family that was always there.
Speaker 3:You know that all came down Because we tell ourselves these stories that they don't love us for us, that they love us because we have something, or, uh, we, we provide some sort of physical or transactional. Yeah, yeah, right exactly it feels conditional yeah right and I felt for like a long time right.
Speaker 3:When I realized that the situation with my brother right, I was like, okay, I feel bad for what I didn't really do because it wasn't my fault but, I still need to talk to him, right, and I wanted to have a physical conversation with him, and it wasn't until yesterday, actually, that we had this conversation, and we had it over the phone because I just couldn't take it anymore, right, I think I messaged him on friday and he called me yesterday. Goes, what's up, man, you know we're twins, so we got that little thing going on. But, um, he, he surprised me, right. He, he was on the same wavelength, right, if you want to call it that, as me, uh, we were on the same page and, um, he really was able to give me some pearls from his own experiences to allow me to let that go, right? Yeah, you know, did. Did I leave when he was, when we were 12?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But he understands now, right, maybe not when he told me, but now he understands that it wasn't my fault, right, and he, he let that go. I hadn't Right. And in that moment yesterday I let that go, I hadn't Right. And in that moment yesterday I let it go. Yeah, right, I was able to tell him that I was scared for things, and he told me that he was afraid for certain things. Right, and he gave me permission. Right, and as weird as that sounds, he gave me permission to no longer be the example.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Right, because I needed to be the example for him, for people to come after us, our children, um, our family and everybody. I had to be the example right. So I had to be better than everybody else and work harder than everybody else, right physically and achieving things right. So he said the example's already set, you can go do something else now.
Speaker 2:I release you. I release you.
Speaker 3:He's like you are free of your duties, you know.
Speaker 1:And it was great.
Speaker 3:It was awesome Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I don't think I've ever had a deep conversation like that with my brother, ever in our entire life. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I would have never been there if this terrible thing didn't happen to me last year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, ter.
Speaker 3:This terrible thing didn't happen to me last year yeah. Terrible right Air quotes. Yeah, there's more way worse things that could happen.
Speaker 1:Well, it didn't happen to you, it happened for you. That's what Lena says all the time to me it's always happening for you.
Speaker 2:You don't see it in the moment right, but it is in the bigger picture it is.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and youid, I guess, if you want. But like it's what opened the door, it was breath work. Yeah, like the one thing that I didn't believe in right. It was the one thing that has opened my eyes beyond anything.
Speaker 1:Why was it that you didn't believe it? What was the hold back Too?
Speaker 3:simple and no, it was like somebody's breathing and they're feeling emotions.
Speaker 1:What's up? Well, you don't look like the guy that would be into that physiologically. Yeah, yeah, you're intimidating, like lena said, if you know. Uh, for those at home you can't really see this person, but he is he's a force he's a force and he is intimidating. Just the presence. He's a presence.
Speaker 2:So although he's a giant marshmallow inside. Just so everyone, just so, everyone knows he likes tea he likes hugs yeah, no, and that's who I was right.
Speaker 3:That's, um, you know, going from one, uh one place of employment to the other, right in in the same community, right, what I learned was that I have a reputation Right. And what is that reputation? Well, there's two ways you can look at it Right. If you're a hardworking person, you look at it as surgery is very direct, he's task oriented, he gets the job done and he's going to do the best he can to take care of that person that's injured. That's one way. The other way is.
Speaker 3:Serge is really mean. He says what he thinks and he doesn't care about your feelings. So there's a mix of that, right? So when I came to this new company, I had a little bit of both Like whoa, hey, man, you're not going to do what you did over there, You're not going to come do it over here. Well, guess what?
Speaker 2:I'm not here to do the same thing, so you're showing up different exactly.
Speaker 3:You're not even the same person exactly showing up and they, they, you know. I used to say, like, well, they got. You know, the other company got the the best years of me. I used to say that to myself last year. Man, they took the best years of my life and they just threw them away Like I was a piece of trash, right, and there, those are not the best years. The best years are yet to come. Yeah.
Speaker 3:We are we are building them right now, right, and you know, at some point I know I'm not going to fly anymore. I can't do that forever and I don't think I want to do that forever.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Right, but I'm going to close that chapter on my terms and I'm going to take control of me, my emotions and and let my life lead me to wherever it wants to lead me, but I'm going to close the chapter on my terms in a happy, positive way, right, not dramatic like a, you know, a divorce. You know. I mean, that's what I went through, right, I felt like I was going through a divorce and when I went to I imagine this I went to the Academy, to the new new place, and I felt like I was cheating on my wife, right, I'm like what the hell? What am I? I feel like an imposter. What am I doing here? Do I really deserve this opportunity? Of course I do.
Speaker 3:I earned this over 17 years, put in the work. Yes, I deserve to be here, right, and I, I realized this, you know, months later. I'm like come on, man, like you're being yourself way too much. Go back and be the strong clinician and the leader that you are right and once you can set that, put that on the table, be the best that you can be again right, rebuild yourself from the ashes, be great and then walk away and that's the plan, but all still by maintaining your presence and your center with your family and that's different, right?
Speaker 3:because now I'm a different co-worker, right? I'm a different father, I'm a different husband, I'm a different brother, I'm a different friend you know what a different brother I'm, a different friend.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm seeing is the difference. One of the big differences is that this Sergio was able to have that conversation with himself. You know, before I don't know that that conversation would have happened internally. Well, no, I mean one of the.
Speaker 3:I mean we all, you and I always talk about this right, but the biggest highlight of probably our partnership working is we were beat down.
Speaker 3:We had run three or four calls, we had intubated somebody in the desert and we're dirty, stinky, hungry, Been up for hours on end and we're sitting at the hospital on a little tiny sofa thing that they have there in the break room and I think we're waiting for aircraft to come back. I'm sitting with the clipboard on my lap and lena's clicking away at the computer there and I'm like man, I really need to do something with my life right. And she turns around and looks at me and she says yeah, you're a real piece of shit flying around saving lives.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you should really get it together you've got to really do something with your life because you're saving people. It's just fucking a waste of time, exactly are you kidding and I was like, yeah, you're right, right, but.
Speaker 3:But it wasn't like, yeah, you're right, I'm a piece of shit.
Speaker 3:It was like you're right, I do have it together now, I just need to be present yeah, and that's where the seed was planted right and I that's why I always talk about that, right, because it's like you know, she was able to say that to me and I didn't react in a like a threatened way. I wasn't like hey, you know what fuck you, I didn't say that. What I I said was like yeah, you're right, I need to get my shit together, not like career-wise, but like emotionally, and like allow myself to feel good about what I've done.
Speaker 2:Yeah, see the bigger picture here.
Speaker 1:Step back a little bit, yeah, and realize what you've done, where you've come from, where you are, where you're going, where you're going.
Speaker 3:And this transition. You know I've I picked up a a like a part-time job at the college over where I live and it's in the nursing program and I'm running simulations, Right. So I get to interact with a lot of students, Right, and a lot of, uh other nurses that are out in the community, right, that I've worked with in the past and they all have this high regard for me, Right, they all have like this If I tell them the story of what happened, how I lost my job, they all immediately say that's not you, that's not you, Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And why? Because they know.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:They've seen me for many years Right, and the reputation that I have is that I do the right thing even when no one's looking Right. I have is that I do the right thing even when no one's looking Right. So if I do that, how can I, how could I end up without a job because of the reasons that they say I lost my job?
Speaker 1:Right, while you're holding to your own integrity.
Speaker 3:Exactly, and I don't, and I'm not going to argue that Right. Yeah, hey, man, believe whatever you want to believe, I'm not here to to uncover any truths or lies or whatever. I'm here to do me. And guess what? Because of that experience, I'm here today and I'm able to be a leader or an example to those people. But I got it together now because I'm not just saving people. I kind of got my shit together now. Yeah, right.
Speaker 3:So you go save yourself I'm able to tell these students that are going to be future nurses, to make sure that they take care of themselves, to make sure that they're present, to make sure that, hey, nursing school sucks and it's tough, but guess what? Be present, enjoy all of it, even the sucky parts. Enjoy it, because when you become a nurse you may not have time to enjoy it as much. So just enjoy it now, and then, when you're there, remember to enjoy it even then. Right, I wish somebody told me that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, if only, if only.
Speaker 2:Hindsight, yeah, hindsight, yeah. Well, man, I mean, I'm just so proud of you and honored to be a part of your journey. You've always felt like family to me, my soul brother.
Speaker 3:Thank you, thank you, thank you. No, I mean, yeah, I can't get enough right. I accredit this change to you, Mondo, and you know, if you weren't here and you weren't the one guiding the breathwork session, I don't know that I would have turned on. I don't know that I would have turned on. I don't know that I would open my eyes, and I think the universe puts people on our path for a certain reason. Maybe one day I'll be able to help you, just like you helped me.
Speaker 1:You have. You just don't know Our conversations. I learned from you. I learned about myself, just talking with you, just having conversations like this. In this conversation today, I learned stuff about myself yeah, crazy well thank you I mean, you're my me.
Speaker 1:Watching my sister be proud of you is the best paycheck for me ever because, you know, watching you grow and become different and in the conversations that we have and the parallels that we share, it makes me feel good that, man, this is possible. What we do, what we put our work and our energy into is important and you know, I'm proud of you because I learn from you. Yeah, oh, thank you.
Speaker 3:That means a ton. The fruit is there, the fruit is you.
Speaker 1:because I learn from you. Yeah, oh, thank you. That means a ton, yeah, the fruit is there.
Speaker 1:The fruit is there. We learn from each other. That's the thing. It's a community of help and assistance and kind of guiding through.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and in a way you were saying, you know, your brother released you and gave you the permission to stop being the example. But for me, what? I felt that because I felt like I was kind of trying to do the same thing, but I don't think I was really focused on being example. I was trying to put guardrails around everybody and push them the way that I wanted to go. I wasn't being the example, I was being the I don't know the captain of the ship.
Speaker 1:But now I actually feel like I'm being more of an example, because I think the most important lesson to teach our kids is how to love yourself, If you can teach your kids how to love themselves. Because I didn't know that and I in our conversations I see that you say, wow, I didn't. I never had that feeling and a lot of it for me. When I hear you say that it is, I felt the same way because I didn't know that's what love felt like. I never knew that feeling. Once I started to love myself, then it opened up for me to love people more, because I only love people as much as I love myself, is what I recognized yeah and I was like, wow, I didn't in.
Speaker 1:And now I love so deeply and I'm like this is incredible, but it was only because I just started opening up to myself yeah, yeah, you allowed yourself to love yourself. Yeah, and be the example to my kids that I can love myself and take care of myself and still be present with you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know, yesterday with my brother right when he said, hey, you don, we had our session here and we're sitting down and I said, you know, I feel like I'm destined to do something great with my life. I'm destined for greatness, like I'm bigger. My purpose to be on this earth is much greater than myself. I truly believe that Right. And I told him that Right. I truly believe that right. And I told him that right, and he's like, yeah, but what you are confusing is that you think you have to have this grandiose thing that has to be a spectacle, right, he goes.
Speaker 3:It doesn't have to, he goes. The example that you set for our family is already set. They cannot, no one can ever erase that. It's there he goes. So now when you go out he's like the thumbprint you're going to leave on the earth. Right may come through your kids, may come those people that you touch. Yeah, right he's like so don't think that you're looking for this big elaborate thing, because it may turn out to be that way but that's not the goal, but that's not the goal right.
Speaker 3:The goal is for you to change the world. Takes one person at a time. Right, I was like, yeah, there you go. That's not the goal. But the goal right. The goal is for you to change the world. Takes one person at a time. Right, I was like, yeah, there you go.
Speaker 2:That's it, that's it, that's it. I think that's a good place to stop. That's the right there. Drop the mic, boom, start with yourself.
Speaker 1:Start with yourself Let it grow, thank. Thanks for coming out and you know being open and sharing and I love your courage. You inspire me to do more.
Speaker 3:Thank you, thank you. I appreciate both of you guys, all three of you guys actually.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you, to be continued.
Speaker 1:All right, that's been another episode of Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noel and I'm Lena.
Speaker 2:Let us know what your questions are and we'd love to use them on a future episode. Or check us out on Insta at Let that Shift Go, or visit our website, serenitycovetomeculacom.