Let That Shift Go
When Friends Can’t Handle Your Shine: Jealousy in Friendships
What happens when workplace jealousy forces you to reassess your entire career path? Lena, a flight nurse, shares her compelling journey through professional envy and how it led her to a more fulfilling life. Inspired by an Oprah quote, we dive deep into the complexities of jealousy in friendships and the critical need to address these feelings rather than simply cutting people off. Through thought-provoking questions from the Skin Deep cards, we unravel personal stories of failure that turned into unexpected successes, providing a rich tapestry of experiences to learn from.
Jealousy often stems from personal insecurities, but it doesn't have to be a negative force. In our discussion, we explore how jealousy can be a tool for self-reflection and growth. By recognizing and addressing these feelings, we can transform them from detractors into motivators. We also emphasize the importance of surrounding ourselves with people who celebrate our successes, illustrated by anecdotes that highlight both the positive and negative manifestations of jealousy. The goal? Fostering mutual respect and trust to maintain healthy, supportive relationships.
As we navigate adulthood, the dynamics of friendships inevitably shift. Achievements like buying a new home can spark a range of reactions, from genuine happiness to envy. We discuss the importance of self-reflection in addressing these feelings and the value of maintaining relationships that elevate each other's successes. From mastermind groups to reconnecting with old friends who now complement our growth, we stress that healthy connections are built on mutual encouragement. Tune in as we encourage introspection, aiming to cultivate friendships that truly support personal growth and fulfillment.
What happens when workplace jealousy forces you to reassess your entire career path? Lena, a flight nurse, shares her compelling journey through professional envy and how it led her to a more fulfilling life. Inspired by an Oprah quote, we dive deep into the complexities of jealousy in friendships and the critical need to address these feelings rather than simply cutting people off. Through thought-provoking questions from the Skin Deep cards, we unravel personal stories of failure that turned into unexpected successes, providing a rich tapestry of experiences to learn from.
Jealousy often stems from personal insecurities, but it doesn't have to be a negative force. In our discussion, we explore how jealousy can be a tool for self-reflection and growth. By recognizing and addressing these feelings, we can transform them from detractors into motivators. We also emphasize the importance of surrounding ourselves with people who celebrate our successes, illustrated by anecdotes that highlight both the positive and negative manifestations of jealousy. The goal? Fostering mutual respect and trust to maintain healthy, supportive relationships.
As we navigate adulthood, the dynamics of friendships inevitably shift. Achievements like buying a new home can spark a range of reactions, from genuine happiness to envy. We discuss the importance of self-reflection in addressing these feelings and the value of maintaining relationships that elevate each other's successes. From mastermind groups to reconnecting with old friends who now complement our growth, we stress that healthy connections are built on mutual encouragement. Tune in as we encourage introspection, aiming to cultivate friendships that truly support personal growth and fulfillment.
Hello and welcome to the Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noel.
Speaker 2:And I'm Lina.
Speaker 1:And this is where we talk about the good, the bad and all the shift in between.
Speaker 2:We just talk mad shift.
Speaker 1:Let's get into it and on this week's episode.
Speaker 2:Friends who just can't handle your shine. Yeah, I like this one.
Speaker 1:This one will be a little juicy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel it, I feel it All right, all right.
Speaker 1:First let's get into the skin. Deep cards from the amusing edition. Do you want me to go first, or you?
Speaker 2:I'll go first. Okay, if you and I were isolated alone for a year, what do you feel would be the best part?
Speaker 1:Probably we didn't have to work. I'm assuming.
Speaker 2:Well, somebody would have to work, somebody would have to work, but we're isolated.
Speaker 1:Well, I think because we miss so much time together as kids. I think that I would try to really make all that come back through.
Speaker 2:We'll have like a lot of time together.
Speaker 1:We're going to have a lot of time together. We're probably going to fight, I'm sure.
Speaker 2:We'll figure out some really cool games to play with coconuts or sticks or something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I just feel like it would be a gift of catching up on time.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That we didn't have.
Speaker 2:I like that. Yeah, okay, go ahead. You're up, so my question is describe a time where your failure resulted in the best thing that could have happened. My failure resulted in the Okay. So the thing that comes to mind is probably one of the biggest catalysts for where I am now is when I was a flight nurse. I became a medical crew lead for the base. Okay. And there was someone there that was not happy about that.
Speaker 1:There's always some jealousy with people being in charge.
Speaker 2:They wanted. This is a perfect one for this episode actually.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I guess.
Speaker 2:And I think that my mistake was not in recognizing it sooner and confronting it, because that person ended up causing me a lot of problems and really actually trying to take me out. You know, from my position, try to get you fired. Try to get me fired, yeah.
Speaker 1:Take me out. I thought he was going to throw you out of the helicopter.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, I wasn't sure if it would come to that, but yeah, they, you know, kind of mess things up for me and I remember thinking like, oh my gosh, this is everything I ever wanted. And you know I this is that's all I cared about. And actually that happening caused me to be able to step back and say is this actually the most important thing in my life? And because of that I'm here now doing what I'm doing, which is helping people in a different way, right, and really getting Serenity Cove going and being able to help people heal and find that in themselves. But had that never happened, what I thought was the worst thing to ever happen to me professionally I wouldn't be doing what I love right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so and thank that jerk for supporting you and calling you forward.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for being a catalyst for major positive change in my life. At the time I didn't see it, but it absolutely was.
Speaker 1:Ah, that's awesome, Thank you, yeah. Yeah, that is a perfect segue into this week's. It is.
Speaker 2:I'm so glad you got that question.
Speaker 1:Yeah Topic, way into this week it is. I'm so glad you got that question yeah Topic. So yeah, how did this topic come up? For you, like what?
Speaker 2:was it? Did you see it come across?
Speaker 2:I saw it on a post, you know and it was where I think it was Oprah was saying you cannot be friends with people who are jealous of you, and I was like, wow, that's interesting and I, you know, thought I am. I completely agree with that. I don't think that you can really be, have a true friendship with someone who is jealous of you, especially if you're trying to make changes in your life or or any of that they're like. That jealousy, even if it's something they're not aware of, is not going to allow you to fully expand.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it's you know from. From another perspective could be like well, look at Oprah saying anybody who's jealous, because even when I watched that post it kind of gave me the feeling she was a little bit more harsh where she was like, well, I just we have to cut them out and notice that that's any kind of inkling of some jealousy. It's time to cut that person out. It seems a little harsh to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the cutting off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because there's without conversation, there's conflict and, like you said, you maybe had an opportunity to resolve it, maybe earlier and see, yeah, but without just the guillotine kind of thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Well, maybe I reacted so quickly to be like, yeah, absolutely because of my experience, yeah In that. But I would say that's not the only like. It doesn't have to go to that degree to be able to say I can't be friends with you. I think if you, you know, if I look back over my life or people that I know and could do that, or there's just some some some sort of energy around that that just feels like it's not celebrating you, if there, if you have a win, or if you're doing well at something or you really want to try something, um, you know that's healthy for you.
Speaker 2:But if there's some element of like hmm, then I think that's something to really look at, because how are you supposed to be able to do those things or like celebrate yourself or be able to, you know, say gosh, I'm excited about this. And you know, when you have someone that you know is not going to be, that's going to make you feel bad about it. Yeah. And have some shame around it or have some like you know pushing onto you some self-doubt.
Speaker 1:Yeah. That you really why are you so happy about that? Yeah, I hear people say, like you know, you want to surround yourself with people that smile when they see you or like their face lightens up as opposed to like uh you know what I mean. Or I heard somebody also say you know, having your circle of people are be the ones that throw logs on your fire as opposed to kick sand on it.
Speaker 2:That's exactly. Yeah, yeah. If they're kicking sand on it, then I don't feel like those are the people you want to surround yourself with.
Speaker 1:Because your circle should be proud, not jealous, right.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1:So they should be kind of pushing you up, celebrating you. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean it's not a competition, and sometimes in friendships it can feel like you're competing. You know whether it's in. It doesn't even have to be professionally, it can be personally. It can be like with raising your kids, and your kids are doing great.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, since I've been trying to do, you know, breath work and all this wellness stuff, like I've noticed, my friendships and dynamics have shifted. Yeah, you know, and sometimes I don't know if it's I feel like it's a jealousy thing or just distancing, because my growth is some kind of. Sometimes it feels like a competition or does it feel like they don't like what I do, so it creates a little bit of tension there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, you can feel it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it's, it's, it's. I don't know if it is a jealousy type thing, and so that's why I wasn't so quick to like cut it off, because I'm still figuring myself out. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it does. I mean, and you know, like with personal growth, like, or if there's something that you're moving into that somebody doesn't understand, that's not necessarily jealousy, right. It could just be like I don't understand what you're doing, but it's. I think it's more of like if someone's coming to me and they're saying I'm really excited about this, actually it's made a lot of positive changes in my life. I feel better If my reaction to them is oh well, I mean, is that even a thing? Like, is that?
Speaker 2:then, what does that feel like to you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a red flag. Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:Because, like a lot of times, we're moving through things or doing things, and part of us doubts it too.
Speaker 1:We're looking for the excitement and validation from you when we say something like that, when you're like meh, yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, it's not that great, or are you even? You know, it's just like it's just kind of throwing shade on whatever it is that you're doing, like you're completely lit up and here's some shade.
Speaker 1:Let's put that, but see the way I would take that is like ah, maybe my idea isn't that.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:And that's what you call a limiting. It's like upper limiting, upper limiting, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2:We've talked about that in a past episode. We upper limit ourselves all the time when we're trying to push through a ceiling that we haven't been through before.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so having somebody else put that limit on you even it's subconscious, because I don't think people do it intentionally always, but sometimes it comes across that way- I mean, these people might even think they're protecting you, yeah, right From getting too big, you know, to get too big for your britches, whatever.
Speaker 2:But it's just as a. It can be something that's upper limiting and if something is bringing positive change in someone's life or they're really, they've been working really hard towards something and they're really excited about it, then why, as a friend, would you come and just cast out, unless it's something that's not good for you?
Speaker 2:You're not like I'm trying this new thing that is illegal or something. Then it's like, okay, that's not about jealousy, but it's just not being able to celebrate each other. I think it doesn't do anything for the friendship. So if I'm going to, you know, in my life if I have people who I don't, I really don't surround myself with people like that actually. But if there was somebody that had that you know kind of reaction, if there was something like, hey, I, you know, I just planned this event and it was, it was sold out and it was great, and they're like, yeah, but I mean, do what's the big deal?
Speaker 1:So, to be clear, though, it's not surrounding yourself with yes, people right? No Because there's a danger there if you're like oh well, I'm only going to hang around people that agree with me.
Speaker 2:No, I want people to tell me the truth, but I also want people to celebrate my wins with me.
Speaker 1:And that's that subtle sense, when you're like you said, when you're talking about something you're excited about, and they're like ah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean I think that there's always like what you said, like you don't want to just cut people off, right? I totally get that and I agree. I think, though, if you're able to then go into a conversation and be honest and say, you know, I just feel like, is there a reason that you're not like happy for me about this or that?
Speaker 1:Are you?
Speaker 2:okay, yeah, are you okay?
Speaker 1:Like what's going on.
Speaker 2:Like open up the conversation and it's. I think a lot of times people don't realize that they're doing it and jealousy really is. It's an opportunity for you to self-reflect and see that if you're jealous of someone, they're just showing you something that's possible for you. Yeah, you know. So that's one way to be able to recognize like, oh, I feel a little bit of jealousy. There's times I feel jealous.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, all the time. But I try. It's a drive for me. I could try to convert that into like a motivator Motivation, yeah.
Speaker 2:Right then, why are you doing that? You know, I think, that in friendships, we should be able to celebrate each other.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:For whatever, the small things, the big things, but I don't think that the energy of jealousy is going to help elevate either.
Speaker 1:And it's not just friends. I'm sure it could be family as well but, we don't get to choose our family.
Speaker 2:Well, I think it happens a lot in family, you know, and we talk about that with upper limiting is like so who are you, who do you, who do you think you are, you know, and then that that kind of brings this element of like shame. I'm like, oh, I can't leave people behind, I don't want to and that's not what you're doing, but it certainly doesn't motivate you to keep moving forward.
Speaker 2:You know, don't know? I definitely I get what you're saying about like you can't just cut people off, but I think that there is something to being able to surround yourself with people who are able to celebrate your wins and you do the same for them. And it's come up like in the book, the Don Miguel Ruiz book. The Four Agreements because it suggests that jealousy often stems from personal insecurities.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So whenever we're jealous of someone else, it's probably because we have an insecurity about ourselves of being able to achieve that same thing, or that we're not doing enough, or whatever. The story is that you start to tell yourself Right, and that does not promote that mutual respect and trust in the friendship which is necessary in friendship. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, having adult conversations and approaching it. I think that's going to be a tough, you know.
Speaker 2:That's an adult endeavor. Yeah. But OK, let's talk about, like, what is jealousy in friends? What is? What can it look like? What can it look like? What does it look like?
Speaker 1:Well, you know me and Ralph always competed growing up. I've known him since I was nine years old and we've competed with go-karts. You know what I mean. And there was an element of jealousy because when I seen him first roll up he had like a stereo system in his and Knight Rider stickers and I was like I had two by fours some rope and like dad's messed up pillow sitting on top of a piece of plywood and he and so I was like, oh well, I'm going to make mine nicer, because I was literally jealous.
Speaker 1:So in our whole lives we're still best friends to this day. We have the same trailers, we have the same trucks. A lot Now we don't, but we've kind of competed with each other in that way. But it's helped us to raise each other up never in a mean way, I think. Initially it was mean and then we met a level of respect for one another and it was like oh, we're going to help each other rise.
Speaker 2:Yeah but you guys have helped each other and I've seen him every time like you were doing something great or you. You know he would celebrate it and be like let's do it, let's so that's a motivator.
Speaker 1:So how can it go? That's not jealousy. How can it go? The opposite of that.
Speaker 2:The opposite of that is like when somebody like okay, here's the, here's a sign, your good news triggers a negative reaction in them. So you have good news and they and it's you feel like nothing but negativity coming from them. That's, that's what that can look like, but that's not something that you know you were experiencing, your friendships I just seen you guys like almost stair step each other like all right, all right now this now that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it was never in an environment of like that's like like a healthy competitiveness, where you're and he would come over and help you build these things.
Speaker 1:So the opposite would be like oh yeah, well, I don't got time. Yeah, that's not jealousy, that's not. That's not envy, that is empowering. Yeah, we empowered each other, so that's totally different. Yeah, I guess there's. There should be a different word, because he inspired me, so it wasn't really jealousy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, he would support you, really jealousy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he would support you, you know.
Speaker 1:So that's that doesn't apply. So what is? Do you have maybe an anecdote about a jealousy in a friendship that wasn't good kind of a thing.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I think like, if someone else is, if they kind of struggle with insecurity, and if they don't recognize it in themselves, then that can translate into these like negative comments or just kind of like a shirking of whatever it is that you know you're excited about, but it's oftentimes something that we don't recognize, right, if I can say, okay, well, my friend is, you know, she's doing something similar to me and her business is really elevating. My friend is, you know, she's doing something similar to me and her business is really elevating, and if I'm like, you know, just kind of poo-pooing it or I'm not really supporting or I'm not celebrating that, then that's something for me to look at Like why is that so?
Speaker 2:instead, it's kind of like oh my gosh, I'm so excited for you that this is happening and being able to look and go. How can I make that happen for me? And maybe even ask her hey, how can you help me? I want to get to do what you're doing. How can I do this? Can you give me some advice? Instead of just kind of going the opposite way and just being kind of negative about it. So it's just getting this opportunity Like when you were talking about, like stair-stepping is to say, hey, ralph, can you help me build my go-kart?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's kind of helping each other along instead of, well, your stickers suck, that you have on there, those are dumb. Yeah, so little things like that. And as you grow into adulthood, then that kind of changes the atmosphere. It's no longer go-karts, it's maybe how you're advancing professionally or you bought a new home and you're really excited about it. Yeah, and for them they're like I wish I could do that. And so instead of just being like, yeah, that's awesome, let me come over and see it, they're like yeah, I don't really have time, I don't want to see it you know or it's great, but your mortgage is probably so high, or oh, now you're really going to have to work harder so that you can pay that bill.
Speaker 1:It's like okay, that's, I'm starting to remember some of those things. Yes. And listen, I've been on the other side of it, you know, being the jealous one in friendships. It's not like I haven't been the jealous one in friendships, but I think it gives us an opportunity, like you said with Don Miguel Ruiz, to kind of look at that. When you are jealous, to see where you aren't free in that whole thing, because that's your own limiting belief.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's just being aware of. If you're the person that is feeling jealous, is just asking yourself why, what is your friend's good news bringing up in you and being able to address, like if somebody is celebrating something and you don't feel like celebrating with them, why is that? That's just a simple question.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but that's, I mean, that's a deep one.
Speaker 2:Well, it takes-.
Speaker 1:If you're honest with yourself.
Speaker 2:It takes self-reflection, you know, but if that's, I think, for me that's something that I've tried to train myself to do and for sure, over the period of my life and different friendships and different, you know, stages of growth, I have absolutely felt jealous, but I've tried to use it as a motivator, you know, to like they're just showing me that something that's possible If it's possible for them, it's possible for me if I want it, you know.
Speaker 2:but absolutely asking yourself if you're feeling anything but positive and happy for your friend, why is that? That's something to look at. You know, how are you supposed to encourage each other if you can't reach that level of of support?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's being able to support one another. I think being a support is a part of friendship, you know, not necessarily bringing in the negativity. Yeah. So I don't know. For me it's not that hard to cut off relationships, situations or relationships that are Situationships. Situationships. Yeah, I mean, I don't know, I just kind of see it like it's easier for you to let that shift go. I can let that shift go. It's harder for me.
Speaker 1:And maybe because I'm still kind of in a transition, of kind of discovering where I'm really at, where I'm landing. You know, I've come from such a different place and settling down into you know I'm going to be 50 in a couple of years. I'm like man, I'm really settled. I feel different. Totally.
Speaker 1:So who this is and what I want to do, and I only have you know you look at, you start to look at end of life. You're like, ah, the average man lives until he's 83, 84. Okay, well, I'm going to be 50. I got 30 years left. You know what I mean, like. So how do I want to spend that? And so you know, we talk about, you know, being jealous, but I see the people who do all these mastermind things. It's a bunch of people supporting each other, not being jealous of each other.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know, when you talk about mastermind, there's no jealousy. It's how do we elevate each other? You know, we all have different gifts. We all have different things that we want to accomplish.
Speaker 1:And we want to surround ourselves with people that are stronger and more powerful and better at things than us. If you listen to any billionaire or successful person, regardless of monetary value like these people talk about surrounding themselves with people that are much smarter than more capable than them. They're not the ones that pull all the strings. They just know how to put all that together, because they are the connector.
Speaker 2:That's that synergy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like surrounding yourself with uplifting and none of that has to do with jealousy.
Speaker 2:No, yeah, no. And if you think about, if somebody is, you know, is envy like that, envy is the same as jealousy, okay, okay. But if there's somebody who has, is deeply insecure, a lot of times they will surround themselves with people who are not as, maybe not as happy as them, or aren't whatever achievement looks like Familiar. Yeah, whatever achievement looks like.
Speaker 1:Familiar yeah.
Speaker 2:It's like I want to be the one that's doing the best in my group. Well then, your group's going to stay pretty stagnant. But it's like how do we constantly lift each other up?
Speaker 2:in some way Surround ourselves with people like that, because, if anything, that's just going to kind of elevate the group as a whole in friendship. So I don't know. I think friendships are such a special place in our lives to be able to be authentically ourselves, and if you're in a place where you really are celebrating who you are and you're really pushing into more of your own authenticity and you're surrounded by people who don't support that or celebrate that, you're going to go back into your hole. Yeah, you know. So that I don't know. I think that this, that topic, is something we don't talk about often.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know that shine part you talk about is like so maybe not so much the jealousy part where I show up in spaces where I feel like I have to reduce that shine, Like I can't be my authentic self.
Speaker 2:Why is that?
Speaker 1:I don't know. This is the vibe, the crowd. Maybe it is those friends that you know what I mean. I'm not sure.
Speaker 2:You're too shiny. Mm-hmm. Mm. Yeah, then that's the wrong crowd.
Speaker 1:Yeah, maybe that's just a subtle sense of just, or maybe it's just my, my anxiety. That's the other thing.
Speaker 2:Maybe is it your, I don't know. Does it feel like an imposter syndrome of like, like am I? Am I this? Am I as happy as I think I am? Or am I moving into the growth that I, that I, that is meant for me?
Speaker 1:Well, I feel like, you know, I have a bunch of different groups of friends. You know, I think growing up and coming from different places, I kind of developed different subsets of friends that do different things and they don't all mix. And so I feel like each friend group knows me in a different way, and it's almost like I have a hard time navigating between them.
Speaker 2:So are you trying to shapeshift yourself into whatever is needed in that friend group?
Speaker 1:I think that's what I've been doing my whole life.
Speaker 2:And how much room does that leave you to be completely authentic?
Speaker 1:That's what I'm saying. That's the part where and some of it was me being jealous of other people and trying to fit into that.
Speaker 2:So that this is where I'm being jealous of other people and trying to fit into that, so that this is where I'm, I don't know. I think that you should give them the opportunity to really know you fully as you and then see where that leads right, because then you may be assuming that they won't celebrate your growth in whatever way that is, and not giving them the opportunity to actually show up for you in that way. Yeah. So really, then you're just you're creating that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, but you can, you know the part of not cutting off and just being, you know, open and honest with that person and maybe you know creating an opportunity where you say, hey, I just kind of noticed there's a different feel between us.
Speaker 2:Yeah. You know, so leaving space to have that conversation. But the only way that you can actually initiate that conversation, I would think, is to be your authentic self. Share the places where you feel you're happiest in whatever way that looks like right, Because that's authentic for you.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then see how that lands.
Speaker 1:Yeah. But I think if I was to cut off a relationship like that, I would. I would, you know. I would hope the best course of action would be to be more supportive and maybe celebrate the differences a little bit, like you know what, you've been a great friend, or however that may be. But now I'm going to. I'm just kind of moving into a new space.
Speaker 2:But see how you're assuming that that may lead to cutting someone off. But that's what I'm saying. Yeah. Is that? What if you just showed up as yourself, celebrated your wins and gave them the opportunity to do the same An invitation yeah. Yeah, that might be an invitation to help them elevate or grow in a way that you could help.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's the whole point.
Speaker 2:Of these circles, yeah, of groups, yeah but give them the opportunity to know you, who you are, at your deepest levels and share in your wins. And if they don't, then there's an opportunity to have a conversation. It doesn't mean you're going to have to cut them off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it all comes back to being more my authentic self at all times, because that's where I'm most comfortable.
Speaker 2:And then seeing who lands with you Lands?
Speaker 1:yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And being okay with it. See, that's the anxiety part that's been working through these last couple years and that's why I've been slower to just cut people off. I have obviously because I'm not running in the same circles as I used to. I'm not even doing the same things that I used to, but all friends and people and acquaintances are still there. I haven't necessarily cut anybody off, but I just don't move in the same circles anymore.
Speaker 2:I feel like when we're saying cutting people off, it sounds so abrasive and negative and I don't know that it's really cutting people off. I think it's just recognizing what who a true friend is and what true friendships look like.
Speaker 1:And it's not like, and just I guess, maybe coming up with a well releasing expectations of that person and setting a boundary of like this is kind of where.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Like okay, I kind of see where this is. You don't have to just suddenly disappear because you're like oh, you're negative, you're not celebrating me, but maybe there's just an opportunity then to have a conversation about it.
Speaker 1:Well, you know, conscious uncoupling talks about like relationships just because they end doesn't mean they failed, right? It just means that that friendship or that relationship came to an end.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And things come to completion. Yeah. It doesn't mean it failed, because there's plenty of good things that came out of a lot of friendships and relationships that I had, and it doesn't mean that it failed, and that's a whole new concept that I've been trying to wrap my head around and look at. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think. See, when we're talking, I feel like this subject is like when you're describing like if somebody is not celebrating your wins, or that it means that you have to cut them off. It doesn't mean you have to cut them off, it's just that you need to recognize that the support may not be there and be able to go. Oh okay, I kind of see where this is at and this isn't where I'm going to get my best advice.
Speaker 1:So I'm moving in a space where I feel most supported, yeah, and that's kind of what I feel like I've been doing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't think you have to be like you know what, you're not supporting me, you're out.
Speaker 2:It's just recognizing for yourself, maybe that there may be a boundary you need to set or there is maybe an opportunity for a conversation to be had, that, hey, this is what I'm noticing and what do you think? How are you feeling about it? And really invite someone into the conversation, and if they don't want to meet you there, then you kind of know like, ah, this probably isn't the best place for me to spend my time, and that's okay, it doesn't make them bad, or you good. It's just not where the friendship is going to be or the relationship's going to elevate. And if the place you're trying to go is to elevate, then you need to recognize what room you're in and be okay with it. It's not like, hey, I'm sending you a goodbye letter because you couldn't be happy for me about my promotion, but it's just like, okay, recognizing, like are you actually surrounding yourself with lots of people like that and how is that sort of hindering your growth? You know does?
Speaker 1:that make sense. Yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it doesn't mean like, okay, you said a negative comment, so we're never friends. That's not what I'm saying. It's just recognizing, like if you're trying to do something, if you're trying to move in a direction, but you're not surrounding yourself with people who are going to lift you up, that's probably not the room that you're going to grow in.
Speaker 1:And it may not be, because, you know, I used to think of things of like pessimistic and optimistic and for a long time, the longest time, I thought I was an optimist. And it wasn't until I went to therapy and she said, no, you are a full-fledged pessimist. And I was like really. She said, yeah, you see the critical things of everything. You're looking for all of that, you say, you're smiling all the time, but you're actually focusing on the negative. And I was like, wow, I am focusing so much on the negative.
Speaker 2:So, even in this topic, are you focusing on the negative aspect of what you see as like cutting off or like saying, ah, this is not the place, this is not the? You know where? I want to have these conversations with a quote, unquote, a friend, yeah, okay. So instead of saying like, oh, this is. This gives me the ability to recognize how I can best position myself in relationship or friendships, to be able to grow together or to grow individually. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I think I looked at it like a completely like. Yeah, that's true. You know that it's good to recognize when you're not in a supportive environment. Not that that would, because it would be to me, it'd be like detrimental actually to my own growth, like I would have to kind of come down from wherever it is that I'm trying, whatever I'm trying to accomplish, in order to meet the needs of that friendship. You know, in order to make that person more comfortable, I'm going to have to come down to a level that where they feel secure, and that is not. I don't think that's healthy.
Speaker 1:No yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, I don't know this, this, this topic to me is I like it.
Speaker 1:Well, it can lead to many more and you know, while we were doing research for this, we were looking at so many of these like memes and things that can be quite mean, but some are super funny. But, yeah, there's a lot of jealousy in relationships, but it's a real opportunity for you to look within. I think, yeah, even if you are feeling jealousy in friendships, because I'm going through some changes within myself and other people are too so it doesn't mean we all are at the time of change, yeah.
Speaker 1:There are friends that I stepped away from for many years and now have kind of reconnected with it, that have changed themselves in ways that compliment me, so it doesn't mean it's a forever thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just a not right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just a not right now. Things aren't in alignment right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think there's two ways to be able to, or a few ways to be able to look at this. If you are the person that is feeling like every time you come up with something that is you know you want support on, or you're celebrating, and the people around you are kind of like huh, well, that must be nice. You know, that must be nice is like. I hate that comment. Must be nice.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think there's an opportunity to go, oh okay. Well, perhaps I'm not in the environment that's most supportive for me. If you are the person that, whenever a friend or someone comes to you and is really excited about something they're doing, that you feel instantly jealousy or you feel a need to make that comment, must be nice. Maybe take that as an opportunity to do some self-reflection and ask yourself why. Why is that? My first response Is there something in me that feels insecure? And how can even if you're that person, is even to say that to your friends be like you know what I feel jealous.
Speaker 1:Baby steps. That's a big one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just feel jealous I don't even know what to do about it and be able to have a conversation there and maybe-.
Speaker 1:But that would be awesome though, because I think it could adapt into something that's more like what Ralph and I have.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean it's more has some levity to it and we talk about it in ways and we push each other you know what I mean, verbally and we talk bad smack to each other and all that stuff. But it has been the best relationship because of that. Oh, you guys elevate each other all the time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's just. It's a good point to be able to do some self-reflection, bring some self-awareness on. Who are you in the relationship? Yeah, you know. And if you can simply say, I feel jealous, oh my gosh, I feel jealous, I'll bet your friend's like, really Well, let's do something about it. You could do this too, or you could do something different.
Speaker 1:So this is a joke. If you can't think of any jealous friends, you are the jealous one. So you might start trying to look at yourself.
Speaker 2:You might be the one. Yeah, self-reflection folks, that's the advice.
Speaker 1:All right, that's been another episode of Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noel.
Speaker 2:And I'm Lena. Let us know what your questions are and we'd love to use them on a future episode. Or check us out on Insta at Let that Shift Go, or visit our website, serenitycovetomeculacom.