Beautiful Disasters

In this episode Deonna and Rhandyl are sharing stories about what devastating storms and stolen cars have taught them about parenthood.

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Rhandyl: 

Hey y'all, it's just us today, and Deonna and I have some wild things that we've experienced during our daughter's long hospitalizations in Houston, things that weren't even related to the medical part of our experiences.  Crazy part about it, is that even though our experiences were years apart, we had some similar things happen that are definitely worth sharing. We hope that you enjoy our storytelling today, and hopefully by the end of this episode you'll find a takeaway. 

So, we had been in Houston, it was coming up on Remi's first birthday and so my parents and my husband's parents were planning to come, and this was late August of 2017. So I remember going into the grocery store one night, probably for chocolate and wine because that's pretty much what I lived off of there. And yeah, I remember going in and looking around and all these people were there, and I noticed  there's a line that goes literally all the way around the grocery store, all the way to the dairy section and I was like, what in the world? And I go down the water aisle and there's nothing on the shelves and I'm like, what is going on? And then I realized, oh my gosh, these people take these hurricane warnings or watches really serious down here. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I, I was like, oh, you know, it’s I literally hadn't even watched the forecast,  you know, I had no idea. 

Deonna:

You kind of had a lot going on, I mean, you know.

Rhandyl:

And so I call my mom and I'm like, Mom, these people are really taking this hurricane serious. I can't even get groceries; I'm not standing in this long line. I was like, maybe I should take the hint. They were gonna come down to Houston that next day from the panhandle. And I was like, on your way down, will you just, just in case, will you buy some, non perishables, and, you know, just a few things. Uh, Yeah. Just in case, like, this is actually real, you know? 

Deonna:

Well, and for people who don't know us, and where we live, we live in a town where it never rains. Yeah. I mean, the idea of a storm being as big as this is really hard to grasp.

Rhandyl:

Yeah, we are West Texas, almost Permian Basin, definitely not hurricane, super dry. We worry about tornadoes and thunderstorms; that’s about it. Yeah. So, she's like, yeah, sure, I'll stop on the way and grab a few things. And so the next morning, I decided, hey, I should probably, I'm just going to pack us a bag, you know, just a go bag with a few changes of clothes and take it up to the hospital just in case, for some reason we get stuck up there or something with a storm.

So I did that and then went up to the hospital And then later that afternoon, the family starts getting in Remi's birthday is the next day and so, it's her first birthday, you know, we're all excited, and..

Deonna:

Were they allowed to visit her at that time? 

Rhandyl:

Yes, yeah. Oh, okay, okay. So, we got to have, I don't even know if they had, they probably had a visitation limit, but it was nothing, like it was pre-covid. Pre-covid, yeah. Yeah, for sure. So they, they were definitely strict about minors coming in. Right. ..snotty nosed kids and things like that, but as far as family was concerned, there weren't a lot of major rules when it came to,  the amount of people and so anyway..

We celebrated her birthday, and we had a photographer to take pictures, and we got cupcakes, we got all these cupcakes,  and we got enough for probably the whole unit for her birthday and so.. Anyway, that day after we do all of our celebrations and everything my in laws and parents had planned on staying the whole weekend but everyone, I mean, there was more and more like, you know, the hurricane's gonna hit, the hurricane's gonna hit. They thought about staying at our apartment and, you know..In case something happened and Cole and I had just decided to stay at the hospital um, that night.

And so, we finally convinced them to go ahead and head back. So they were maybe there for like 24 hours. And for those of you that don't know that, yeah, the drive there is like 9 to 10 hours from the Panhandle of Texas down to Houston. So they were definitely disappointed, I remember my dad being like this is it's not even raining It's barely even sprinkling, nothing’s happening; this is kind of silly that we're leaving but we’re, we were just like well just let's just be safe. You know, we got to see her on her birthday. We got to do all the things. So anyway, they went back and we stayed up there that night and it was early that morning, we realize that, oh my gosh, this is real, like, everything is flooded all the streets, cause, so the medical district, this is Harvey, right?

Yes, so, this is Hurricane Harvey the first place that flooded, so all the rain, it wasn't the eye of the storm or whatever it is with the hurricane didn't actually hit Houston, it was all the rain leading up to the storm that actually caused all the issues, and so all these bayous and stuff flooded.

Yeah. And we woke up, and we looked out the window and all the streets are flooded; you can’t see any of the streets and my truck was parked in the basement parking lot of the hospital. Oh, gosh. So I'm immediately thinking, okay, that's not good. Below sea level. Yeah. And then our other truck was at our apartment complex, which our apartment complex was actually right beside one of the man made bayous in town. Right. That actually flooded. Mm hmm. 

The apartment that we had, it was on the third floor, and we got this apartment through the Church Ministry Apartments- it's a, it's a ministry 

Deonna:

We had looked into that too. Yeah. 

Rhandyl:

Yeah. So there's a long waiting list. And so we were in the Ronald McDonald house a while before we got into it. But anyway, we rented through them and it was fully furnished and awesome. Yeah. And so we, we ended up getting the call from the church ministries and they said that another couple lived in that same complex through the ministries but they were on a second level, and the water was above the first level coming into the second level.

There was no power or anything, but they, they asked if they could use our apartment just to move their things that they could move up to our apartment. We're like, of course, and so they actually cleaned out our fridge for us because there was no power, so everything was going to be rotten, yeah.

So kind of to rewind, the hospital had a code Carla is what they called it. And so Carla was a hurricane that happened in the past, and so they called the code Carla at, right before shift change that night that we stayed. So code Carla  means everyone that's in the building.. So they call it at shift change. so day shift and night shift were both there- nursing staff and RTs and all the medical staff. Yeah they called this code, which means you have to stay, you cannot leave the hospital in case something, you know, in case of everybody gets locked in and can't get out, that the patients have care. So yeah, all the way from nurses to cafeteria workers, physicians, anybody you can think of that works in a hospital, janitorial service, just everyone, had to stay.

And the night shift that came in that night had a pre warning that it might happen, so some of them were able to bring like extra clothes and stuff but the people that were there that day were not prepared at all. So it was crazy. They were sleeping in cots in the conference rooms like all these places that they were sleeping in cots. They were having to sign up for shower times Yeah, they were using every laundry room in the hospital that they could and people were designated to go do laundry during the shift for the staff and it was nuts. And so, we were in this, so this was, this situation lasted about, I want to say it was six or seven days. I can't remember exactly. So we had the same day shift and night shift nurse every, not we, Remi did. But, you know what I mean. So. 

Deonna:

Well, you're hanging out with them. 

Rhandyl:

Yeah, so  they were actually having to ration the food in the cafeteria and so we had Salisbury steak almost every day. They were rationing oxygen in the rooms and it was just just a crazy experience in the hospital but.. 

Deonna:

Was, was the hospital running on generators or was it still on some sort of power?

Rhandyl:

At some point they were all running on generators. Yeah. I'm not sure exactly how long they were running on generators and when they finally got power back, but.. Right. they essentially had to flood all of those outside communities to get all the water out of the heart of Houston, which is where medical district is, downtown, like  everything was going to be completely underwater for weeks If they didn't move the water elsewhere. And so..

Deonna:

Well, it's not just Texas Children's down there, right? I mean, there's thousands of people in the hospital down there, yeah, it's a huge place.

Rhandyl:

Yeah, so like it's crazy, the basement parking lots and all that, they had these huge pumps that pump all the water yeah, so at least they were prepared for a flood down there, which makes sense. But yeah, so the people that lived in the the same complex as us, that moved all of their things up to our apartment. we had gotten their phone number and texted them because we were curious about our truck at the apartment complex. And we told them kind of where we parked and stuff and they sent us a photo of it, and this was like three days after  the main flood when everything broke. 

Deonna:

Yeah, the initial. Yeah. 

Rhandyl:

Yeah. And so three days after they took this photo of our truck and it was, there was only like six inches of the top of it visible. Oh, man. So, we were like, oh, wow yeah, definitely, definitely totaled that, not going anywhere. 

Deonna:

We're not driving that ever again. 

Rhandyl:

No, so we were in the hospital and there were all sorts of tornado warnings, which we just would kind of laugh at them, because the tornadoes there are not like tornadoes that we're used to, and they would, like, move the beds to the other side of the wall, and tell us to put,  Remi's play mat by the windows, and my husband, at one point, was like.. look, if there's a legit tornado about to come through here, like we're in a glass building, we are goners.

But I think that was the mentality of like us where we come from, and then we weren't taking the hurricane seriously before it happened. But we were just, it was nuts, just and I mean, I just felt so bad for the staff that had to stay there and their families. They were losing their homes and they didn't know where their animals were, like where you know, phones towers were down It was just yeah,  but they they were you know, they have to, as a medical professional. Do no harm. They had to, you know, they have to stand by that and there was no way, even if they wanted to leave, like, at least for a few days, there was no way that you could get out of that area accept by boat.

Deonna:

Yeah. I mean, I remember watching Harvey on the news, which we did not know each other at this time. I just, I mean, it was one of the worst hurricanes that's hit Texas in my lifetime for sure. But yeah. Yeah, the flooding was crazy. I mean. Yeah. I can't imagine being there when that was happening. Oh my gosh.

Rhandyl:

Yeah. It was, it was nuts. And we were watching the local news and it was crazy how they were having to divert all the water and try to figure out all the things they had all sorts of engineers  trying to figure it all out but…

Deonna:

Your other car was okay, right? 

Rhandyl:

So, yes. You just lost one car, but. We just lost one car. But it was a crazy time. I'm like, it, honestly, we were talking about this earlier, Deonna and I were, and it seems almost fictional,  

Deonna:

Yeah, like, it didn't happen.

Rhandyl:

Yeah, when I, when I think back, I'm like, how in the world? it's kind of funny to think about it.  It doesn't seem real, you know, but it was. It was. 

Deonna:

Yeah. Really happened to you. Yeah. 

Well, I have a similar story and this is, I remember the first time me and Rhandyl ever talked, it was so weird because we had these very parallel stories that happened when we were in Houston and when you're in the hospital like we were for so long, Rhandyl was in a lot longer than us, but you're so down and so tired and the thought that something else bad could happen to you is just like, you don't, you can't think about anything else bad happening to you because you're just so low at the, or at least that's how I felt.

And so when we were in Houston, we were there during the holidays and it was a few days after Christmas and we had opened presents. It was definitely the worst Christmas of our life up to that point, for sure. And it was just hard, you know? So we, I'm at the hospital one day and my husband calls me and we had a car there, like we had two cars there at one point, but my husband had just got a truck before all this happened and he called me one day from the hospital and we were parking in this big garage across from Texas Children's because that's where we were staying in these apartments for, for that part of the time. And he called me and he was like, hey, where'd you put the truck?

And I was like I don't know. I do not know where I park ever. It's even just running into Walmart, I’m like, I don't know where I parked. Like, I have no idea. Push the clicker button and see where I'm at. It's not my strong suit, remembering where I parked, but I had told him, I was like, I think I parked on the second level. I mean, it was this huge high rise. There was a ton of parking spots and he's like I can't find our truck and I just was like, what are you talking about? You cannot find the truck? And he's like, hold on. I'm going to go look every spot top to bottom. So he goes and looks and I hang up and I think, okay, he's going to find it like..

Rhandyl:

Is he on foot? 

Deonna:

Yeah. He's on foot. Just like walking. I mean, there was maybe like six levels or something. There were a lot, but yeah, he's with, I think my in laws were with them and  Cole was with them too, my son. And so, maybe 30, 40 minutes later, he calls me and he's like, if you didn't move the truck, the truck stolen. And I'm just like, Are you kidding me right now? Like it was, I mean, it was just so, I mean, almost like funny and I just started laughing and I, and I'm just like, Oh my gosh, are you serious? And he's like, yeah, it's gone. And he just sort of starts laughing and we're just thinking, why are we laughing right now?

This is our truck. It had all kinds of Christmas presents in it. I mean, it was just like, all these things we had just bought our son were gone. And everything he had gotten from my parents and stuff, that was all in there and it was gone. And it was so funny because when I look back, I remember just laughing about it and it wasn't funny, but I just didn't care. And I I thought that was so interesting back, like back then because that would have been something that would have been such a huge, horrible thing to me before Everything had happened with Allie, but it just, it just didn't matter as much anymore. 

And we never got the truck back fast forward, maybe four months, they found the guy and they had done all this crazy stuff to it, but we never got it back. Wow. So we got to learn about the insurance loss policies as you have, as you got to know.

Rhandyl

Yeah, so yeah, I mean, same kind of same scenario when we saw the picture of it; that’s all we did. We, we just laughed. We were just like, I mean, what else do you do? What else do you do? I mean, 

Deonna:

I feel like Dane's parents were kind of like upset about it a little bit and me and him are just like, this is our life now. Bad stuff happens to us all the time. This is where we live. This is our new normal. 

But so yeah, I remember when we talked about that for the first time, it was so funny to me that we both had lost our cars in the same place, during the same horrible time of our life, within probably a 20 mile radius. I mean, it was just so weird. Yeah. Wow. 

And then, you were telling me about how you had been there during Harvey, which I can't imagine that was  one of the worst hurricanes in the last 30 or 40 years, probably in Texas. And we were there during the, which if you live in Texas, you will remember this very well.

If you don't live in Texas, you'll be like, what are you talking about? Especially if you live in a northern state where this happens every single day for a hundred days straight. But Texas is mostly not a state that freezes. I mean, like up here where we live in the northern part, it does, but down in Houston and those areas, it doesn't snow, It doesn't freeze. It's nice outside a lot of the year. 

And so we were in Houston during the big chaotic 2021 freeze. And if you live in Texas, you remember people were literally dying because the power, like our entire electric grid for the entire state just shut down and it was a wild time. And I remember my parents, this reminded me of this. My parents had been in Houston and we heard about how there was going to be this horrible freeze, snow storm thing and my parents headed back right before too, because I think they were just like, we're going to go back. It's going to storm. Let's go back. 

And it didn't even really snow in Houston that much. Like it was just really icy, but it doesn't get icy in Houston. Like I really at all. And we were, we had moved out of our apartment because we thought we were going home and then Allie told us we weren't going home at that point by trying to die on us yet again. And so we moved back into the hotel across the street. And so my parents went back and that morning, I think like the day before my mom's friend, Teresa, who'd been helping us out a lot while we were there, she lived there and she said, Hey, I think it's gonna freeze. I think there's gonna be a storm. So I'm gonna go grab you some groceries because I don't, I know you don't have time and I'll, I'll bring them up to you.

And by then it was already really slippery because I remember unloading the car and thinking, Oh my gosh, one of us is going to fall. But we, we take some, you know, bread and peanut butter and jelly. And I think we had some bottles of water and that was all she could really get. There was, it was kind of like what you were describing with the Harvey thing. Everybody was panicking and freaking out and running in to buy things. And, and this was post-covid, so,  people freak out way worse than they did pre-covid, I feel like, when it comes to like groceries or things like that. 

So, yeah, we have this small amount of food, and there was no restaurants, this tiny, tiny, like, quarter of an inch of ice, completely shut Houston down. There was no restaurants, no grocery stores open, no Uber, because we had no car, as we just talked about. So. There was no power. There was no power. And I, for some reason, our hotel kept power; they must have had generators or something. The hospital was on generators at some point. The, you couldn't use the bathroom at the hospital because we were still switching back and forth. So, like, if I had to go to the bathroom, I would walk back to the hotel in the freezing cold and it was icy because 

Rhandyl:

Wait, you couldn't go to the bathroom in the hospital? 

Deonna:

You couldn't go to the bathroom, No they were, like, don't flush the toilets. Like, do not flush the toilets!

Rhandyl:

Oh I know that bad thing was the plumbing, because all the plumbing there in Houston It busted. It busted. 

Deonna:

Yeah. Oh no. That was not something that was on their radar. Like, I feel like with hurricanes, they're like, yeah, this is what we do. It's, you know, like it was, it was crazy. Like I,  told you a minute ago, but we had a nurse and I said, why aren't they salting the sidewalks and the roads? And she's like, what would that do? And I was like, it would make the ice go away, and she's like, that is so cool. And I was like, it's very cool. Like, but I don't think they have salt. They don't have. All the things that we have up here to scrape the roadways.

Rhandyl:

And we don't even have that much. I mean, compared to like the northeast and stuff. But, I mean, I remember when we were there during the winter, it was a pretty mild winter, which most are there. But I think it got to freezing, 32 degrees, one day and the whole city shut down.

Like the whole city shut down. I was like, oh, wow. And they called cold fronts, like, 70 degree weather, I was like What? It was so bizarre.

Deonna:

Yeah, I mean, we went from wearing t-shirts with sweatpants to wearing giant coats. It was such a weird week, and we had the same kind of stuff happening where like, yeah, we were walking back to go to the bathroom, which wasn't that big of a deal except for the ice was so bad.

And I, the nurses, I don't think the nurses even could use the bathroom. They were using buckets. I'll spare y'all the details, but it was not a happy time to be a nurse in Houston. I felt so bad for them. And they told me  it was similar to what you described with  code Carla, where if you were there at that moment, you were stuck there. So we had our nurse, Katie for several days in a row, she didn't get to leave, so we became really close, but we were even, my husband would be like, go downstairs to the hospital cafeteria and try to be there right when it opens and get the water, get the milk, get the, and I mean, we were buying stuff from the hospital's cafeteria just to make it at the house, It was crazy. 

And I remember when you hear the generators turn on at the hospital, it's this sound that is so eerie and scary because, like you, my kids vent dependent. My kid has to be plugged in, there has to be electricity, and I was watching other moms from other parts of the state jumping from house to house with their vent dependent kids, and that's the reason we have a giant generator in our backyard now is because of that week. But like Teresa bringing us that food before really saved us, and I'm pretty sure that's the best food I've ever ate in my life, is that peanut butter and jelly, because I just thought, this is crazy. I mean, we would not eat that much, so Cole could have food. I never thought that that would be where we were at, but we were. 

Rhandyl:

So, speaking of food, I I wanted to point this out. So thankfully, same as you, my parents had brought us food and so we would share, we were sharing the non perishables, whatever we could with the staff on the floor. And I remember one of the nurses, it was like day five, I think. And she was like, there's still one and a half cupcakes left from Remi's birthday. And I was like, what? She said that they were rationing them, cutting them into like multiple pieces each..

Deonna:

Survival Cupcakes!

Rhandyl

And they were, like, Yeah, so they were, it was like their little treat at the end of their shift. They were like, oh my gosh, it's just crazy. And when I purchased those cupcakes, you know, that's the last thing that I would have ever thought. You know, most of the time half of them go into the trash can. 

Deonna:

Yeah, they were supposed to be fun. Crazy. Oh, my God. That is so funny. Well, and I remember when we got the waters, my husband, we were in the hotel, I was at the hospital. And when we got the waters, my husband was in the elevator with this elderly couple. And they were asking, he had two cases of water , and they were asking him where he got the water from and, how he got it and everything, and he gave them a big pack of water. And I remember thinking like, I should be proud of you because you were generous, but like, why'd you do that? We don't have any water because you weren't allowed to drink the water because, it looked like white paint coming out of the tap. Like it was screwed up from no electricity, but. Yeah, I remember being like, Oh, I'm glad you were nice, but Oh my gosh, what are we going to do?

But God took care of us, and I mean, once it thawed out, everything went back to normal, but it was a wild four or five days of not knowing what you were going to eat and stuff. And that was something that I had never experienced before. I know millions and millions of Americans experience that all the time, but it was just this thing I had never ever experienced.

But, we wanted to tell these stories and you might be wondering, why are they telling these crazy stories? And I thought about our episode with Danielle, which was a couple of episodes ago, but when we were talking. She said, we've been through more heartache than we ever thought we would go through on this earth. But then she said that the joy is much bigger than it used to be because like we've talked about this before, you don't care about dumb stuff anymore.

And I think that's kind of what we're trying to talk about today is me and Rhandyl, there were things we used to care about, there were things we used to stress about, there were a million things I cared about, and now I joke around saying I don't care about anything, which I obviously care about stuff, but.. 

When you go through the medical stuff we've been through, and then even this other stuff that we're talking about today. You realize that, that peanut butter and jelly, it tasted so good because it was it. That was all we had. And I think that's what disability parenting can be about, too, is you can pull so much joy from these storms than you ever could have if everything always went your way, which sounds backwards, but that's kind of what we're talking about today.

Rhandyl:

Yeah, for sure. I mean, we were a year into this long hospitalization when this happened and I mean, making it through a national disaster, losing a vehicle, like it was cake! Comparably. And so, yeah. So, I mean, after things that we had witnessed on a daily basis that whole year, I mean, those huge things that would have rocked our world before, they were just laughable, like we said.

But I really, I thank God for the perspective. that I have now, and I see more clearly, the priorities in life. And I think a lot of people see us caregivers of disabled children as burdened, maybe? But for me, it's... Yeah, I think they do. Yeah but honestly, for me, so many earthly burdens, that I had before all of this they've been unloaded.

And so, not to say that this perspective makes my life easier, because my life is hard. Yeah. But, finding joy in the small things, and not sweating the small things, all at the same time, I think it helps give me grace honestly, just, you know, the perspective that we have. I mean, at least I can say for myself is,  I think it's a blessing for sure but..

Deonna:

Yeah, I've, I've talked to my friend Nina about this before and she said, I wish I could have your perspective on life without having to go through what you've gone through. And that's the truth. I love this Zach Williams song and it's called, I think it's called Less Like Me, but. In it, he says, I've been saved from who I used to be and I don't think I was inherently not a good person or anything, but I just cared about so many dumb, foolish, like vain things and those I've been freed from caring about those things and it's, it's a great feeling to not have that burden of caring anymore about those things. 

So yeah we were talking about a scripture that came to mind and for me, that's Philippians 4: 6-7. And it's the one telling you not to be anxious, which I know is very hard for some people to take, but It says, don't be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God and then the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

And I think about that a lot, because there's things that me and Rhandyl have been through where we shouldn't have peace, but somehow we do. You shouldn't have peace during a hurricane. You shouldn't have peace when your way that you get around town is taken from you, or during another type of storm or whatever it might be. But that's kind of what that verse means to me now is to. Know that God's gonna give you peace even when you are feeling kind of anxious, like is that kind of what you take from that?

Rhandyl:

Yeah, yeah,  It's like Something that you don't do it just happens like yeah, God gives you this peace, even through the storm, you know, as cliche as that sounds yeah, that's exactly the take that I have on that verse now you know, after uh, all the things.

Deonna:

I remember, this is another weird story from Houston real quick, but a few days after that freeze, it was still really cold outside and Dane was at the hospital, and me and Cole were at the hotel. And all of a sudden the fire alarms start going off, and I'm like, that's gotta be a, you know drill or something and they got on like a loudspeaker and they were like, this is not a drill There is a real fire. You need to get outside. And I'm like, yeah, that sounds exactly like what's happening right now This is I mean, I wasn't even shocked. I said Cole, grab your laptop, we're going down and he was like, what? And so we were on the, I think 12th floor. So we had to sprint down12 flights of stairs in the freezing cold and we get outside and yeah, our lobby was on fire, but it wasn't that big of a deal.

But I mean, it was just one of those things where Cole was like, what about our stuff? And I just remember being like, I don't care. Like, no, this is just like, it can all be replaced. Now I did have him grab his laptop cause that was a property of his school. And I was not paying for that. But you know, it just I think it's so funny how just kind of in closing, like..

God can give you this amazing clarity in the midst of these literal storms, or it can be in your life, it doesn't have to be an actual storm like what happened to us, but God can give you this amazing clarity where you can just quit worrying and obsessing over what the world cares about.

And for us, that's been this really freeing thing and God can take a hurricane, or a loss of a car, or a fire, or a freeze, and he can give you this peace. And something I've noticed, and if you're a parent of a disabled kid, the world is always watching you, and that's hard sometimes, because you feel like you're just in a fishbowl, and everybody's watching all the time, but I think you can use that as an opportunity to use that for good. And we hope these stories will give you guys a very tangible reminder of how God can take any type of disaster and make it beautiful. 

**Disclaimer

Before we go, I wanna remind our listeners that this podcast is for the purpose of education and entertainment only, and is not a replacement for seeing a doctor. We suggest you seek out the help of a trained professional for help with your child's specific situation.