[00:00:00] Hey y'all. Welcome. Welcome back to another episode of the vagina rehab doctor podcast. Can I just say thank you for being here for spending your quality time? You're a highly valuable time with me. I'm thankful because this wouldn't be a thing without listeners, right? It's growing because of you. And I've gotten so many positive remarks and testimonials from you who have.
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All right, you guys. So today I am introducing a series called as a woman, as a woman, y'all it's women's history month. I am so excited about this because we get to celebrate not just our history. But we get to celebrate our future. We get to celebrate where we're going. And I love to acknowledge history, to acknowledge the path that we've taken, but also to acknowledge that it's okay to pursue a new path.
It's okay to say, you know what, I am not staying here. I am choosing different for myself, despite the challenges, despite the discomfort, and despite the struggles that we experience. As women. So today, uh, this is part one and it is going to be life with vaginismus. I'm on the verge of losing my relationship this week.
I have been seeing different women who are interested in working with my team [00:02:00] one on one for overcoming vaginismus and One of the things that has been a reoccurring concern and fear from the women that I have had these appointments with is this, Dr. Howell, I'm on the verge of losing my relationship.
And many of the women that I've talked to are Seemingly in relationships that they enjoy right there with partners that they trust and they'll say different things like, you know, he has been incredibly patient or they have been incredibly patient, but this is becoming a strain on the relationship.
I've even had, um, someone to work with us who was given the timeframe. By her partner and, uh, after years of marriage with no penetrative sex, her partner said, listen, um, it's been several years. And if we're not over this by this [00:03:00] timeframe, I don't think I would be able to stay in this marriage. And so honestly, sometimes it feels like for, for me, as the founder and CEO of my company, and it's not just me anymore.
So Dr. Tina Mapa, she's my colleague that does the one on ones. I do the group coaching and, Arianne, she's my virtual assistant. But as the leader of this company, sometimes it feels like I'm running like. An emergency like an emergency room or like 9 1 1 because it's like urgent stuff. It's urgent Sometimes it's not urgent and and people are like, you know what? This is not even Impacting my relationship all that much but I just still want to overcome this like I don't want to live life Not being able to have intercourse with my partner I don't want to live life not knowing if I get into a relationship if I'll be able to connect sexually From a penetration standpoint.
I don't want to live life knowing if [00:04:00] I'll be able to have kids right naturally without You know fertility assistance I don't want to live life avoiding and running from my OB GYN, right? Always avoiding pelvic health appointments because of pain and difficulty with insertion. And for me, it's not, so it doesn't really like scare me when someone says, Hey, I'm trying to have intercourse with my partner within the next two to three months.
It doesn't really scare me because I'm encouraged by you all and the success that we've had with you, right? Your trust in us and how we've been able to help. But I just want to sort of illuminate those of you who are following me on Instagram, on TikTok, or even, you know, following this podcast who are dealing with the relationship strain, the relationship struggle, and feeling like it's your fault.
you may be feeling like the relationship. It is not in a good place [00:05:00] simply because of you and simply because of your body. And I want to let you know that I understand and I can empathize with what you're feeling. I want to validate you right now and say, yes, it is normal to feel frustrated, to feel like to feel like you're not enough to feel like, okay.
And to feel as though. Um, some people have even told me, like, I feel like my partner, I feel like my husband will be better off without me. And that really, that really hurts me to see so many women struggling with not just the physical problem, but seeing yourself less than who you are. I hate to get preachy right now, but it really makes me sad when I see so many women looking at themselves with less than eyes, I am not good enough because I can't give him this, or [00:06:00] I am not good enough because we can't share this. And I just want to let you know that you are enough. You are enough. And really, the blame is not on you. I want to take accountability as a healthcare provider and say we haven't done our part and even not just healthcare providers, but research, right?
There's research, lack of research with vaginismus. There's a lack of education from healthcare providers. Some people have even gone to their doctor and their doctor says, just drink wine or you know what? It's normal for it to hurt the first time. It's okay. It's okay. Just go back and try again. Or here's some lidocaine.
Here's some lidocaine and go home and try again. That's not enough. That is not enough. There's so much shame surrounding this condition. That because we're ashamed about the condition, we're not going to talk about it. We're not going to publicly talk about this. So that means less people learning about vaginismus.
And that also perpetuates more shame, because if you tell someone they won't know what it is, they may look at you like you're a freak and maybe like, [00:07:00] what, what's going on? So it's understandable that so many of you are struggling, not just with the physical problem of the pelvic floor, not just with the physical problem of the pain, right?
Not just with the physical problem of your vagina essentially being closed, or if not completely closed, like not readily accepting things inside. But I want to say, I acknowledge what you're going through on a mental health standpoint. I want to acknowledge that some of you are really, really struggling.
Some of you on the verge of harming yourselves. And I want to encourage you to reach out to a mental health care provider, to reach out to your support system as scary as it can be. As As fearful as it can be to tell someone about this condition, especially in a world where we normalize sex and we make it seem like sex is easy.
Sex is happening for anyone who wants it to happen and sex is [00:08:00] just this amazing thing. When the reality is is that there are millions of women, millions of people struggling with their bodies, struggling to allow Penetration to happen, not just from a sexual standpoint, from a tampon standpoint, right? If you are young and you are not yet in a relationship and a tampon can't go in, a finger can't go in, a speculum can't go in with the doctor.
These are signs that you might have vaginismus, which is curable. It's the pelvic floor muscle condition that causes the pelvic floor muscles To be hypertonic to the point of literally making it impossible for things to go in your vagina or causing extreme, extreme pain with penetration.
It's usually a combination of fear and anxiety, it may be some distress, fear, even panicking around the idea of things going inside the vagina combined with a significant amount of tightness in the pelvic [00:09:00] floor. And so I don't want to talk too much on the physiological today. I want to acknowledge the psychological and I want to acknowledge you.
If you're struggling with this idea that your partner is not happy with you, your partner is not satisfied with you. Your partner is not. Excited about the, uh, uh, the potential of continually living life without intercourse. And I want to say that you still are enough. You are enough. You are more than enough.
Ha! You're, you're presence. And your existence is a blessing to those around you, similar to a plant that lives in our home. And we don't ask it to, to be perfect. We don't ask it to do anything for us. Just the presence of that plant changes our day. Just the presence of that plant lifts our mood. Just the presence of that, of that plant can be therapy.
And so if you're listening to this, doubting who you are, doubting your. Your value in a relationship. Yes, it's difficult, right? Yes, it changes [00:10:00] the dynamic of the relationship if, sex is not happening. And obviously it's, it's a desire for both of you. However, you are still highly valuable. You are irreplaceable.
And this is a chapter in your life. Vaginismus is not the totality of who you are. It is not who you are. It is a part of your story. And I want to encourage you. Ah, I want to, I want to infuse a little bit of hope. Because vaginismus is completely curable. 100 percent curable. I don't care if you have never seen progress before.
You've never gotten a tampon. You've never got a pelvic exam. You've gone to the pelvic floor therapist. You've tried the Lidocaine. You've tried the hymenectomy. You've tried the specialist. You've tried the EMDR. You've tried the sex therapy and it's still not working. That's okay. That's okay. We work with so many women on a regular basis that come to us in the same way saying, I've tried it before.
What's going to be different with you? And I want to [00:11:00] just let you know, cause I get this question a lot. Um, what's going to make it different with you if I've already tried so many things in the past to cure vaginismus. And I'm going to end with this today, I'm going to end with this today. We are not doing anything grossly, strange.
It's not that we have this, this certain tool or this certain way that is so exotic and so different. We at Spelling Floor Physical Therapists, myself, Dr. Janelle Howell, and my colleague, Dr. Tina Moppa, We are doing some of the same interventions, meaning we're doing some of the same protocols, exercises, dilators, nervous system calming strategies.
However, our, I think that it is our understanding of vaginismus that sets us apart. If I am completely honest, there is little to no education and training specifically on vaginismus as physical pelvic floor physical therapists. I personally developed this passion. I would be in my bed at night, 11 PM at night with my [00:12:00] phone in hand, right?
The, the, the beaming light, which I shouldn't be doing if I'm trying to get good sleep, Googling and reading research and trying to find what is the answer for vaginismus, I wanted to know, I wanted to know what is the answer for vaginismus. And I started to read more and more and more and more. And when I started to understand that it wasn't a muscle spasm.
That's causing someone to not have intercourse because there are women who have vulvodynia that have the spasm as well, but yet they can still have intercourse. When I started to understand the physiological nature of vaginismus and what's truly contributing to why someone can't have penetration or they can't have it comfortably, I began getting more confident in my treating protocol.
And ultimately, I don't think it's that we're doing something so different, but that our skill with what we're doing is, is better in our understanding, So it, and there's no shame to any other provider because again, we're not gaining the education. We're not getting the proper training to effectively and efficiently treat vaginismus for most of us.
Okay. I'm not [00:13:00] saying. Every single provider doesn't know what to do. I'm just saying it's common if you've gone to a pelvic floor physical therapist and it didn't work out. It's common if you went to the gynecologist or whoever else and it didn't work out. Because again, we're not talking about this condition enough.
And so we're addicted over here. We're addicted. We are obsessed. As Dr. Tina Mapa says, this is my colleague, she says, Janelle. Now that I'm working with you, I wake up every morning excited to see who we are helping to get laid. And that is what we are doing. We are so excited. We live to find people like you.
If you're, if you're listening to this and you have vaginismus, you're on the verge of either giving up altogether, questioning your value and your worth, not just in your relationship, but in life. I want to let you know that you're seen, that you're not strange. You're not a weirdo. You're not broken. You are in need of support and hope and community.
And so I want to invite you to work with me and Dr. [00:14:00] Tina in my eight week group coaching program, Vaginismus to Vagilicious. Click that link in the show notes. If you're interested, we start on April 4th and I want to invite you to come and work with us. This is specifically designed for someone who has vaginismus and the goal is penetration, not just penetration, but pain free.
And if you are in a relationship and you have a partner who is also committed and wants to see you all overcome, this program is designed for you. It's designed for people who are in relationships. who wants to have pain free penetration. I want to help you get there. I really want to help you get there.
So click the link in the show notes. If you're interested, we start on April 4th. and I only have a couple of spots left. So if you're interested, go ahead and take that leap and I'll be excited to help you transition into this new chapter of sexual liberation. Y'all, thank you so much for listening to this episode and the series part one as a woman, as a woman, talk to you all next week for part two.
Bye bye.