[00:00:00] Welcome, welcome back to another episode, y'all. I am so excited to get into today's episode because we got to talk about this. We are struggling with fear around sex. We are afraid, like we're clenching up just the thought of sex for a lot of us. Causes us to feel anxiety, fear, apprehension. And so we're going to talk about it.
It's going to be a short episode. Cause I want to get straight to the point. Three DIY ways to overcome the fear of sex. And if you are struggling with it, this is your episode. This is your episode. So I want you to take some notes. In your journal, get your journal out, take some notes because I want this to be practical.
I honestly am not interested in y'all just listening and being like, okay, that makes sense. And then moving on, I want to give you tips and tools to actually change your life. So we're going to be talking about that today. Sex is supposed to be something that is consensual, that aligns with your belief system, that [00:01:00] supports your health, right, sexual health is a real thing, that nurtures your relationships, that deepens your intimacy if you are in one, that helps you to feel good, and that can support your family planning and help you to get pregnant, there's so many things that sex can do.
Obviously, sex can also be used as a power tool, it can be used to try and get what you want. Right. There's a lot of other ways that we can use sex, but because this is a podcast about health and sexual wellness, I'm going to be talking about ways that we can overcome the fear of sex from a standpoint of that, the fact that sex is supportive of our mental health when it's, when it's good, right.
When it's pain free, when it's, When it's supportive of the love and the care that we feel with another person, Sex can lift your mood. It can help you feel closer to the one you're with. even apart from a partner. Sexual arousal and the ability to [00:02:00] orgasm, is healthy. it has different health benefits.
So when you are aroused and your clitoris is getting larger, you're getting lubricated, you're getting aroused, you're feeling your muscles throbbing, You're getting sexually bothered. That is a lot of good things happening. Endorphins are being released, more blood flow is getting to your vagina and your clitoris.
your pelvic floor muscles are contracting and relaxing, contracting and relaxing. So your muscles are getting some mobilization. It's a lot of health benefits that can happen with consensual pain free sexual arousal and also sex itself. So, Let's talk about ways that we can overcome the fear of it because the fear can be very real.
It can be isolating. It could be disconnecting, right? It can be taking you away from the dating scene. It can be taking you away from, just connecting with your partner on a physical and sexual level. It can be [00:03:00] disconnecting you from your spouse. I cannot count how many people have told me that.
They've either gone through a divorce, their relationship has ended, or they're struggling for the relationship to stay afloat because of not just painful sex and vaginismus and vulvodynia, but also the fear, the avoidance, right, the distress. So, okay, let's get into it, y'all. Here are three ways, three ways that you can overcome the fear of sex.
Number one, practice with something that is similar to To what you're afraid of but smaller and easier practice with something smaller and easier for example a finger for example a very small dilator For example, listen use some tampons A small one, if you can, even if you don't have to use a TAM, just practicing inserting things into the vagina and not clenching while you do it, trying to relax as something is going inside your vagina, trying to keep those muscles open while something is going inside of your vagina.
We're talking [00:04:00] about fear of sex, right? So practicing what this does is retrains the brain to make new memories associated with sex. So that when you do go to have sex. It's not the same reaction. Your body doesn't have the same reaction. Number two, you're a visual person. So can you fantasize, can you visualize more having pain free, fear, fearless, pleasurable sex?
Can you just take like two to three minutes to envision that? Can you write about a sexual experience you want to have where there's no fear, there's no pain? There's no apprehension. There's no distress. It's just beautiful, pleasurable, exciting, passionate. Can you write that down? Can you envision it? Can you fantasize for a little bit about what it would feel like, what it would be like, where, where you would be touched, where you would be kissed, what's going inside of you pain free envision that [00:05:00] See yourself relaxing and softening and not clenching, tightening or restricting yourself.
Envision that more, So we're visual people. Every time we go to sleep at night, we have these dreams where we literally see pictures of things happening. So create that for yourself, cast the vision and stay there for a while. It's okay to fantasize. Number three, Number three, this is a good one.
If you are struggling with the fear of sex, then what I want you to do is journal journal. I want you to journal about why you're afraid and having a sex therapist or a psychologist, a mental health counselor can be huge, can be huge. That can help you to process some of these emotions. If you have access to a mental health care provider, I would highly encourage you to seek it out to help you process some of these thoughts, experiences, traumas, belief systems, on your own, going back to DIY, so do it [00:06:00] yourself, write down why you may be afraid. Then I want you to validate yourself as to why you're afraid, right? You're not crazy. There's a reason why you're afraid. Did someone tell you that sex will be painful? Have you had nothing but painful experiences? Are you afraid that you're making yourself worse?
Put all that stuff down. Another journal prompt would be, how are these fears serving you? Are these fears serving you? Like, is it helping your life to be better by holding onto these fears? Talk about that. Talk about that. How, how are these fears impacting your life? and then a different journal prompt could be How can you help your body?
to feel more relaxed with touch to your pelvis region Okay, write that down. What are some things you can do to help you yourself feel more relaxed and at ease? You When there is touch to your pelvis, to your vulva, to your genitals. Right now I just have my hand [00:07:00] over my dress on my vulva, Not putting my finger in my vagina, not rubbing my clit, not masturbating.
Just putting my hand over my vulva. What feelings does that bring up for you? So what are some things that you can do to start retraining yourself to be more relaxed, to be more at ease? When something is coming into contact, something is touching your vagina, your vulva, your pelvis. And those are three simple things.
Let's keep it simple. Let's keep it easy. Let's not make everything complicated. Let's not make everything. Oh, you got to get a referral. You got to do this. You got to call here. You got to go there for three or four months. Let's start with the simple things. Let's start with what we can do today. These are three DIY ways to help you overcome the fear of sex.
Y'all, if you enjoyed this episode, go ahead and show me some support. If you could leave me a five star raving review, I would love that. Or email me at Janelle at vagina rehab, [00:08:00] doctor. com. If you want to hear more, topics on pelvic floor, muscle dysfunction, sexual wellness, and pelvic floor health. Send me an email.
I am open to your suggestions I am grateful for you listening to this episode. Can't wait for y'all to come back again next week, Monday. Bye.
