Tony's life was filled with trauma, abuse, and a descent into crime, homelessness, and addiction. Yet his story proved that even in the face of overwhelming adversity, it is possible to find hope, healing, and a path to sobriety.

Ever think there's a connection between putting together IKEA furniture and getting sober?   The steps to sobriety is much like the methodical assembly of those Scandinavian flat-pack puzzles. Each piece, much like each day in sobriety, is a step in the right direction, building a stronger, more resilient self. The way you tackle those flat-pack puzzles reflects how you approach life's challenges.  What works for one person might not work for you.

This podcast is here to guide you through that assembly process, in a way that's both informative and entertaining. Welcome to Flat-Pack Sober!

Ever wondered how someone can overcome adversity and find hope in the face of grief and trauma?

In this episode, we chat with Tony Lynch, a coach, speaker, and the founder of the non-profit organization, Memories of Us. Tony opens up about his tough journey from a traumatic childhood, battling addiction, and experiencing homelessness to becoming a source of inspiration for many. Despite facing incredible challenges, including being shot 22 times and losing both his son, who was a driving force in his journey towards sobriety and stability, and eventually his mother, he discovered strength and purpose.

Today, he helps men navigate grief through his popular podcast, "Grief, Let's Talk About It," and various support initiatives.

This episode is a powerful reminder of resilience, self-forgiveness, and the transformative power of community.

This is how Tony built the sober life he wanted. If Tony's story resonates with you or you're on a similar path, remember that you're not alone. There's a whole community out there ready to support you. Until next time, keep building your life, one sober piece at a time.

Transcript

Duncan Bhaskaran Brown (00:00:00) - Hey there, Sober superstars. Welcome to Flatpack sober, your catalogue of tips, tricks and tactics to help you design your alcohol free life. I'm joined today by a coach, speaker, and the host of Grief Let's Talk About It podcast and indeed video show on YouTube. But he's also the founder of Memories of Us, which is a not for profit organization that helps men to talk about grief. Yes, I know men talking about emotions. Who knew it was possible. We've talked a little bit about grief in the past, so I think it's such an important area in sobriety. So I will shut up and we should just get straight into it. So Tony Lynch, thank you very much for joining us today. Duncan.

Tony Lynch (00:00:42) - Thank you for having me on. It's it's an honor.

Duncan Bhaskaran Brown (00:00:45) - Thank you. So just before we really get too deeply into it, I have to ask you the standard flatpack sober question, which is, you know, Ikea, right? You're familiar with Ikea? Yes. Good.

Duncan Bhaskaran Brown (00:00:55) - So if I gave you some Ikea furniture and I said to you, you got to build that, what would your approach? How would you handle that?

Tony Lynch (00:01:02) - I hire a bunch of kids, give them some tools and tell them to go for it.

Duncan Bhaskaran Brown (00:01:08) - I am a massive fan of outsourcing, but like, if I really forced you to do it, you know, would you approach me to get somebody who knows how to do it to help you? Or are you more a kind of read the instruction manual, get stuck in, lay the stuff out? How do you approach things?

Tony Lynch (00:01:22) - I would look at the box and I would start to put it together. From what I saw at the box. Like we as men, we don't like to read instructions, right? It's just like someone telling us what to do. We don't like that. Right? So I would look at the box and kind of kind of put two and two together. Now the chances of me putting together wrong are very, very high.

Tony Lynch (00:01:42) - But I'm going to do it anyway. Right. You know. And then if it works, it works. Yeah.

Duncan Bhaskaran Brown (00:01:47) - I like that kind of nice mix of self-awareness and stubbornness. So the reason why I like to start with that question is the like people to know where you're coming from, how you approach life. And I get from that that you're kind of quite active, that you get involved with stuff you sort of like, give it a go, see what happens that that fair assumption.

Tony Lynch (00:02:08) - That's a that's a very fair assumption.

Duncan Bhaskaran Brown (00:02:10) - So, so when we discuss stuff I like people to know that that's where you're coming from. So the, you know, some of the things that you say are going to really gel with them and some of the things that you say they may need kind of thinking, well, no, that's not actually how I would go about it. And for one, we don't like people to feel like they have to do everything they hear on the internet because it's not possible, is it? But also, I think it kind of helps as well to let people know that sometimes they're resistant to doing stuff because it's not easy for them, and sometimes that's the stuff you really have to do.

Duncan Bhaskaran Brown (00:02:40) - So yeah, tell everybody a little bit more about yourself.

Tony Lynch (00:02:43) - Tony Lynch, I am, I live in Loveland, Colorado, and I've been in Colorado since 1992, and it's been one hell of a journey. Right? 1992 I moved out here. I was, well, let me go back a little bit. So I was born. I was born and raised in Newport News, Virginia, and I'm a 70s baby, so I was born in 1974, was raised up in the 80s. I was part of that generation X at the age of six, I would say I was introduced to the darkness of people. So at the age of six, I was molested by my neighbor's son. And so I learned really, really quick of how to protect myself. And when it happened, I did go and try to tell people no one wanted to believe me. So and it happened again. And I told myself, this is not going to happen anymore. So at that early age, I learned how to survive, you know, at the age of six.

Tony Lynch (00:03:37) - So when he tried to do it again, I took a knife and stick it in his stomach. And I told him, you never touched me again. And from that moment on, I vowed to never let anyone, ever else hurt me ever again. And that. So as time went on, I kept true to that promise. I have a younger sister which is two years younger than me. I was her protector, her big brother, you know, that was my best friend. And I was like I said, I vowed to never let anyone ever hurt me or hurt her ever again. But then on one end, I was my mom was my mom was. Boy, you know, I was a straight-A student, you know, nice kid that you can never want to be around. Now, on the other side, it was like Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde on the other side, I had a very, very dark side to me. Very dark side. So drugs got involved in the gangs, so you name it.

Tony Lynch (00:04:24) - From there it was just one thing after another, you know, up until I was around 15 years old and I left home. I've something I don't want to do this anymore. So I left home with the Washington DC for two years, 1990 1992, and just so happened, life said it wasn't done with me. And you're not going to have that life, you know what I'm saying? Like being a father. You're not going to have that Tony. Yeah, that's what it that's pretty much what it did. And I never understood why. And I ran right back into the gangs again. And I did that for over 20 some years. I've been homeless 18 times out of my life. 1994 I went to prison for five years for a crime I never committed. So I've. From 1994 to 1999. You know, I was I was in prison. I get out in 1999, right before 2000 hit. I was shot 22 times. And, I survived, you know, these are the consequences that that, of my choices of living in lifestyle that I live.

Tony Lynch (00:05:16) - So I couldn't be too upset about it, but I did, you know, just like anything, you know, I was like, no, but I live, so I have to go do something, you know? And I did, which led me along a path again along the road to where just destructive and chaos and so many hurt people, you know. And at that time, when I was I finally got tired, I said, you know, I'm not I don't want to do this anymore. I got over 20 some years doing this. I don't want to do it anymore. I'd have been through it. I'd have lost almost all my friends. I'm tired of seeing the things that I've seen now. I never understood. And I became homeless again. After I got out of that. I went to the people. I went to the guys and said, look, I'm done. They said, well, it's only one way that you can get out of this. So I gave him a gun.

Tony Lynch (00:06:01) - I said, well, either which way it goes, do what you have to do, but I'm done. They said, you know, you been doing this for quite some time. Here's all the rules. You leave, you don't come back. Meaning if anyone out there catches you, you're on your own. I said, okay, not a problem. Son left. And for the next two and a half years, I was homeless, sleeping, and I used to break in people's cars just to sleep behind. I used to sleep in or either outside of dumpsters, eating and eating out of trash cans, breaking into a brand and buildings, you name it. I was there and it was pretty. It was pretty bad, man. It was pretty bad. You know, I went from making, you know, saying tens of thousands of dollars on the streets to having nothing, nothing at all. And I remember as I started to get out of this phase of my life, I began drinking and was really good at it, too, you know, really good alcoholic.

Tony Lynch (00:06:53) - But I was I was out on the streets. So I then, you know, it wasn't like I was really, you know, having anything, any direction to go in. All of my family was in Virginia and I refused to run home. I refused to home. I said, no, I got myself in this situation, we get myself out of this situation, I will not run home. And you know what I'm saying? What my with my telling between my legs. I'll figure it out. And I didn't think I was going to figure it out. And I remember the middle of 2002, I was sitting under a bridge with some other homeless people, and, we were sharing a bottle of Wild Turkey, and I had nothing but a t shirt, short sleeved t shirt. And the wind is blowing. The snow is blowing. I remember like it was yesterday and I was cold. The homeless guy that I was with, the older homeless guy that I was with, gave me his jacket.

Tony Lynch (00:07:39) - You know, that's bad when the homeless guy that's that's out there with you gotta give you a jacket so you can stay warm, right? You know, but I didn't have anything. I just had me and the clothes that I had. And trust me, that was a really bad scene. Imagine, you know, not being able to take care of yourself properly. You know, you're homeless. You you haven't had a shower in over a few weeks, so you can only imagine what that looked like, right? You know what I'm saying or what that smelled like. It was pretty bad. It was it was definitely pretty bad. And I and I remember, you know, this time laying under the bridge and, it's in the middle of the middle of the morning, or somewhere around there about to 230, 3:00 in the morning, snow still coming down and and everything else. And his voice woke me up. I thought it was the guy next to me. And the voice said, get up.

Tony Lynch (00:08:31) - I looked around, was talking to me. I'm looking round. Everybody else is asleep, curled up when they meet the corners into the crevices of the bridge just to stay warm, you know. And I got up and I'm looking around and the voice said, walk this way. Which way you want me to walk? Walk this way. And I began to walk. I just started walking. Now, mind you, it is still blowing snow out. It is in the middle of a blizzard, but I am walking no cold. And I just started walking and I walked for probably three, three, four hours somewhere around there and got to a certain point and the voice just said, stop. I stopped and I looked around and voice went away. So now I'm thinking I'm going crazy. So now I got to figure out where I'm at. The whole the whole new part of town I've never even been on before. And I look around and I see this Safeway on my left hand side, and I was like, you know, that's a good place to go sit, you know, and I need to look on it.

Tony Lynch (00:09:23) - It's not going to get me out of the weather, but at least I can be a little bit protected. I mean, I'm already soaking wet, you know, but I still wasn't cold. And I sat there for a minute, and then I started shivering. And I remember looking over because I started seeing all of these other homeless people jump, jump out of the bushes and the trees and stuff, and they're walking in this building. I'm like, what is this? It's this like a soup kitchen. Maybe I can grab me something to eat. I haven't eaten in a couple of days. So I went over there and it was a day laborer place, a place that you go and work and you get, you know, you work the day. Get paid today, right? So I started, I went there, they sent me out and I, you know, first time in long. Time I've had, you know, it wasn't a lot of money, but it was. It was some money, right? I had like $48 in my pocket.

Tony Lynch (00:10:05) - When I got done, it still wasn't enough to get a hotel room. So I spent probably about 5 or $6, got something to eat. And I was like, well, you know, I'm going to save up enough money. Maybe I can get a hotel room for a week or something, you know, saying, lay in a bed, get some, get some proper rest and things like that. And I did that every day. I saved up, I saved up majority of my money. I spent a little bit of it, and finally I saved up enough to get a hotel room for a week. And I did and felt so good to lay in a bed and a place that was warm and, you know, take a shower and a bath and, you know, and all of these different things. And, you know, I don't tell you, life, life is life is strange because during this process, while I'm still working, I land this job and I'm now making $110 a day.

Tony Lynch (00:10:52) - Right. You know, and I'm like excited. I'm so excited. I it's been a while. Right. So now I not only have a roof over the top of my head, but now I can go get some clean clothes, I get underwear, I get some hygiene products. I can, you know, I can get some pants, I can get some shirts, maybe some shoes and some socks. You know, maybe I can start to get myself on a, on a, on a different path to feeling good about myself right from being down for so long. And I did, I did, but see, I still had a problem. I was an alcoholic and I didn't know it right. I started hanging around other people and I'll tell you, easy come, easy go. Right? So as quickly as I got into that place, I got involved with some other people. They'd love to drink and I love to drink and play pool. And Nick saying, oh, I lost everything yet again.

Tony Lynch (00:11:38) - I lost everything, but I never let go to bottle. And my my path started taking me along this journey and I followed it. I met some great people. People took me in short term. Some people took me in for a little bit longer, but I was able to maneuver and then I ended up in the mountains. Don't ask me how I did that, but I ended up way in the mountains somewhere and got myself into a place. It was fun. It was a lot of fun and, met some great people and I met some not so great people. And one of those not so great people decided, hey, you want to go to Arizona? I said, yeah, let's do it. You know, I want to go. Well, that trip cost me a year in a year in prison for trafficking of marijuana that I never knew nothing about. Signed up, losing everything again. Again, man. And I made my way back to Colorado and had to kind of figure it out again.

Tony Lynch (00:12:31) - So life just kind of threw me around a little bit, you know? And I went and I went with it because I didn't have anything else, you know, like, what else am I doing? And sure enough, I went down that dark path again. And then the lights started coming. I met my my really good friend, James. He said, man, I got a I got a room in my garage, you know, 250 a month is yours. Yeah, I could do that, so I did. Now again, alcohol is something different because me and James, we drank all the time. We went to the clubs every weekend. I was very promiscuous with them when it came down. When it came down to women. Right, I was sleeping. Oh my God, I was so bad, so, so bad. So many one night stands and all those different things and just drinking. And we call ourselves trying to trying to balance it out. So we go drinking on Friday and Saturday, the womanizing.

Tony Lynch (00:13:21) - And then on Sunday we went to church. Hahahahaha. It worked. Okay. It worked. It was we we we worked it out. And then one day I met this guy. He had a house and he said, hey man, got this house down in Denver, 500 a month. It has an acre acre yard on, it has a dog run. It's a one and a half bedroom. What do you think I said? Oh, really? Say 500 money goes, yeah, 500 a month. I said, all right. He goes, man, I don't want to step on James's toes. But, you know, like if I have this place available, I said, okay. And I went and the first time in my life I knew what it's like to have a home somewhere that was mine. And I was I was 32 years old, 30, 31 when I got into the place and, still continued my weekend habits with my best friend James. You know, we had a blast drinking and womanizing and I held I held a job, though, definitely held the job.

Tony Lynch (00:14:19) - And in this process, I met my son's mother. And, she was well, he had been a one night stand, but she kind of stuck around, you know, and we, we we had this thing called a relationship, I guess, you know, she got pregnant, and, this is where the the second part of my life, or maybe the fifth part of my life kind of went in a different direction. So I moved from Denver to Loveland. We we bought a condo. She was pregnant. And then December 18th, 2007, she gave birth to Jake. And that was my that was my birthday present, right. You know, I was 32 and it was beautiful, baby boy man. Beautiful. Beautiful kids. It's a character. Huge character. Right? You know, even at an early age, just just had his own personality. And then, have you ever been in a relationship with a narcissist? I found out what a narcissist was, and I found out the hard way.

Tony Lynch (00:15:14) - Now we're talking about a dude that's been through everything. You know what I'm saying? That you can ever imagine in the gangs losing friends, homelessness and things like that. And I tell you, this woman went through me like I was nothing. She destroyed every part of me, every part of me to. There was nothing else left. Then she took my son. Then she got me evicted out of my place. And then she got me fired from my job. Then she got my vehicle taken away. She turned people that I didn't even know against me. This woman was, She was so smart, but so malicious. And I never knew that a person can be that way. And I didn't know how to react to it, so I knew I couldn't hurt her. She was. She was my son's mother. I wanted to, though. I wanted to because of the things that this woman did to me, but I didn't. And then she kept my son away from me for two and a half years, took me to court, and all kinds of things in life came back around and began to even though those two and a half years, I was homeless again because she got me evicted, she got me fired, all kinds of things.

Tony Lynch (00:16:19) - This woman beat up on me pretty good. She really did. But then life came back around. I ended up dating someone else, moved into. We started. We was living together and she left. And she left me with the apartment. Well, the duplex. Right. So now I'm back in my own place and life would have it, you know, came back around and patted me on my back and said, thank you for being patient with me. And things turned around. I end up getting custody. Well, 50% custody of my son, which turned out to be I had them 98% of the time. He was three and a half years old when I got him again, and I had to learn how to be a father. I had to learn how to be a man. I had to learn how to live in a world where I didn't quite grasps at that moment, and I tried. I was and I was doing it, and I wasn't the best, period. And in the beginning.

Tony Lynch (00:17:09) - But I learned, you know, I was learning how to be a better man, how to be a good father. And I had to learn how to be a good parent. And having my son taught me all of those things. And so for the next few years, it was just me and him. Me and him against the world, you know, I took him to school, picked him up from school, helped him with his homework. We went to the park together, climb trees, play football, you name it, we did it. We went to the movies together. What they eat together. We had little traditions every holiday. He was always by my side. October 31st Halloween of 2015. My, my son, experienced this major massive overdose because his pharmacist mixed this medication wrong. And so for the next three days of uncertainty, whether or not my son was going to make it, the doctors mistreated us. They didn't treat him for anything. And, and, you know, then he came, came to us Sunday night saying he's not going to make it.

Tony Lynch (00:18:10) - He has a brain to brain disease where the shedding of his nerves is being eaten away. So he missed the I did miss diagnosed him. Then Monday morning he woke up. And here here I am, you know, in the hospital with him. And, I was so happy, so relieved, so relieved. And for like the next nine months, he left a very, a very good life. No medication, being with his friends. I took him on on his play dates. Chuck-e-cheese. You know, he went through his birthday and, you know, see their their in the time before his birthday, seven days before his birthday, I had to go take him from his mother because she decided that she was going to physically assault him. If it's not, not going to do. But I did take him and then of course said, well, you can't take him. She has primary care, custody of them, so you have to give them back. So seven days before Christmas, I ended up having to do it again because she was physically assaulting him.

Tony Lynch (00:19:04) - And finally I said, you can call the courts all you want. You're not getting back. As a matter of fact, you stay away from us. Stay away from our reason. She didn't say anything. She didn't even want to fight. But she did have it over my head that she wasn't going to let me keep him. So next nine months, it was just me and my brother. It was always just me and him. And June 14 to 2016, which was the Saturday he was over at the neighbor's house, his one of his good friends, all of his friends was there. They were swimming and it was it was her birthday and he was having a good old time. And the next morning, which was Sunday, he woke up one feeling too well. So I was like, maybe he got a little stomach bug, you know, maybe, maybe, just maybe he got a little stomach. I was wrong, I was very wrong. So, you know, he progressively got sick and, that night his mom came and got him.

Tony Lynch (00:19:58) - He was running. 105. We're just going to take him back to the hospital. Danny's fever broke. He was doing good. The next morning, she goes, I gotta take him to the family. Doctor said, okay, let me know what's going on. She calls me probably about an hour later, said to me, they are admitting him into the hospital and I was at work. I said, okay, I'm on my way. So I get to the hospital. They can't. They can't get blood out of him because his blood is coagulated. So they can't they can't pull blood to do tests or anything. So I laid in bed with my brother. I said, everything is going to be on right now, you know, but just something really, really simple. And we sat in an emergency room for nine hours and, they finally made the decision to airlift us down to another hospital, another children's hospital down in Denver. They did. They gave him morphine. He went to sleep.

Tony Lynch (00:20:50) - So we get there. Doctors was freaking amazing, man. Freaking amazing. What do you want us to do, Mike? I just want you guys get to test out the way. Let's figure out what's going on with them so we can take them home. You can be better. Take them home. And, doctor said okay, so they they couldn't do the test because, you know what? What they had was coming back inconclusive. So they didn't know what was wrong with them. They really didn't. So the doctor said, okay, look, here's what I want to do. I've had this happen before, and I lost the child. I said, well, I'm not going to lose my child. Okay. What do you what do you suggest? He goes, well, I want to give him a super antibiotic which is going to kill everything in his blood. Then we're going to do a blood transfusion. Said, okay. so I was sitting out talking with his mother in the, lobby area about what was going to be next.

Tony Lynch (00:21:37) - I said, well, technically, you know what I'm saying? I'm going to take them. We're leaving. She goes, well, you know, like I would like to be a part of his life. I said, okay, but you, you don't get to have them overnights anymore. Then you definitely then go touch them ever again. But next time I'm going to do something really bad to you. Do not do this anymore. So she agreed. So as we're talking about this, doctor comes back out, informs us that the procedure is going fairly good, said okay, so it goes back into the room and, they start the blood transfusion and it wasn't even 30s man. Cold blue lights going off, people running in and running into his room from early floor nurses, you name it. They were running in there and I see them passing all of these things back and forth, back and forth. And doctor says, if you don't belong in the room, go ahead and head out and somebody go get his parents.

Tony Lynch (00:22:33) - We're losing him. Speak. Clearing out, I walk into the room. My son takes his last breath. That was a hell of a scene. It's a hell of a scene. I just remember thinking to myself, this can't be happening. Supposed to take them home. I was confused. I was I was so angry. I wanted to destroy that place like nobody's business. But then I thought to myself. Maybe, just maybe, this is not real. So I laid in bed with my son for an hour and some change. And every time I would move, I'm thinking that he would. He's breathing. And I got the blanket over him. You know what I'm saying? I'm looking at him. Get up, get up, get up, get up. It's time to go home. He never got up. Finally, I had to get up and walk out the room, so I covered him with a blanket, just in case. If he woke up or something. You know, I'm still thinking that.

Tony Lynch (00:23:28) - Then it dawned on me I won't be able to take him home. When he left out of there that night and drove home. And now I have to call everyone that I know that knew my son. Let them know what's going on. There's nothing worse than that. Really. Nothing. I don't wish that on nobody. Now, you would think that would be it, right? You know, but it wasn't. It wasn't, you know, two years after that incident happened, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around what, you know, because it's like yesterday to me, right? I still don't believe it. And he passed away from unknown causes. So you mean to tell me a healthy eight year old boy just gets up and just passes away for no reason? This is what you expect me to believe. But that's what happened. And then, two years on, two years, one month, my mother passes away from a brain aneurysm. And I flew home for that one and watch my mother take her last breath.

Tony Lynch (00:24:25) - The reality of it was, is that I'm now orphaned in the world. I have no parents. My younger brother passed away three months after my dad passed away. My son is gone. I'm down to the bare minimum of family as me and my younger sister. Most of my friends are gone. The world became very lonely and as a as a young man, you're trying to navigate this world or in the world that you no longer understand. Because now you have the added pain that comes along with it. The guilt, the shame. I was bodybuilding at the time, so I wasn't drinking. I had to I was like, I got to face this, I got to, I have to face this, but I don't want anything hindering what's going on. And I haven't understood why. Now, I should have just went on to open up a bottle and drown my sorrows. You know, I really should have. Because what I did after all of that had happened, I made some really bad decisions which caused me to lose everything yet again.

Tony Lynch (00:25:22) - I and I did everything I could because I thought everything was going to work out. And I guess in a lot of ways it did. But in that moment it really wasn't. And so I was like, okay, I was tired and I was I began to play chess with my friends. And what I mean by that is that so my friends used to call me certain times. And once I realized what they were doing and that, you know, we are all creatures of habits, right? You know what I'm saying? And I started noticing the the the ritual, the the habit. They call me on certain days, at certain times and things like that. Now, in this moment, I thought to myself, I'm going to take my life. I'm done. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of losing. And I'm tired of hurting. So. I began to not answer phone calls on certain days and call them on days where I wanted to talk with them, so I began to move them around.

Tony Lynch (00:26:22) - And so for the next two and a half months, I got them on a ritual that I needed them on. Right. You know what I'm saying? Then when I realized that they were all following what I had done, I was like, oh, this actually worked. So I had a weekend over what the work is. Usually I thought to myself, this, this is it. This is done taking myself up a gun. Think I'm going to do this right? So I got some hollow points. So listen to the job. But all of this one out there. Done. And so that weekend I drove out to the middle of Utah, for the weekend, spent a couple of days in the room when they did some fishing, ask for forgiveness. Sad how sorry I was for failing people. Those that I love, you know. And that just maybe they can forgive me for what I'm about to do. So that's Sunday night. I drove out to the middle of the desert. And, Parked the car in the middle of nowhere.

Tony Lynch (00:27:33) - I had this thing already. I had this thing planned out to the very last detail. You know I do this. They're not going to come looking for the vehicle for at least another, you know, four months because I got everything paid up, you know, they ain't gonna come looking for it. You know, I got myself some time. Well, when this happens, you know, I'm in the middle of the desert. What's the one thing that's scarce out here? Food. Well, you have a lot of scavengers around there. By the time they figure out what's going on, the scavengers, the mountain lions, whatever vendor tore my body apart, right. You know what I'm saying? They ain't. Go find them. But clothes and maybe some bones. Right. We're going to be done with this. So that's how. That's how detailed I got into it. I had this thing thought all the way out, man. I thought it all the way out. it didn't happen that way.

Tony Lynch (00:28:25) - They came. I was two seconds away from pulling the trigger. And, Someone called my name. This is Claire's talking to you right now. Tony, I jump up because you gotta remember, I'm in the middle of the desert in the middle of the night. The only thing is out here is the mountain stars of myself. Right? You know, saying that maybe the little critters running around. But that's fine, too, you know what I'm saying? I need them to do a purpose. And, I jumped up because I heard that, and I'm looking around. I turned the lights on. I'm looking around. Ain't nobody out there. So, you know, and I had already thrown the gun in there in the front part of the, car. And and I said therefore, because now I'm thinking I'm going crazy. I'm going crazy. And that voice came and said, hey, now that I have your attention, let me show you some. You're talking to. The one right there, Tony.

Tony Lynch (00:29:24) - How can you? We show you something. So I began to talk to the voice, as if I'm having a conversation with someone else. So what do you want from me? See. Took me on his journey, on my life. And I wanted to play the victim so bad I said. You don't understand. I had to go through all of these things. The voice said had you not gone through it, you wouldn't be doing what you do. You wouldn't be able to do what you was doing in the process. Well what about this? Had you not gone through that, you wouldn't be to do this. Well, what about the time I was homeless? See, I couldn't move you around because if you were stable, you wouldn't have never moved. So I had to get you out of a place of stability and put you in a place to where you would move freely. Where I was taking. I thought about it for them and said, well, what about this? I wanted to be the victim.

Tony Lynch (00:30:19) - I wanted to be the victim so bad. Now you don't understand. I'm talking to you. Yeah, I know you're tired. That's why I let you rest. But what about this right here? I'm the last of my bloodline. Yeah, but you're about to make an impact. So. But how? You take my mom? You take my father, my younger brother. You taking my son away from me. I have no direction, no purpose or no vision. What do you need from me? Just let me be done with this. No, no, no, that's something else. I said, well, what about all of these different things? The voice laughed at me and said, oh, you thought your life was about you? Ha ha ha ha. No, Tony, your life ain't never been about you. So what do you mean? Look inside yourself. I put something in you. I need you to read it for me. And that was the first time I began to, understand what the grieving process looked like, but not from the things that I've seen.

Tony Lynch (00:31:22) - But from the perspective of being a man. So I said. Well, Holy crap. Is that what this thing is? Yeah, that's what that is. What? What is this? That's what I gave you at the time he was born. See, he was too busy looking outward instead of looking inward. But it took something for me to break you open so I can. So I can show you what's who you truly are. It's like, whoa, I had explored this, so I came back to Colorado. And I started looking for support. I was like, there has to be something out there, right? I want to learn. I need to be surrounded by other men who have gone through these things, because I want to know how they did it. And I went out there and I started searching for support. Then I realized there was nothing out here for us. I said, oh. Light bulb went off. Now it makes sense. Why is there no nothing out here for us? Because men don't talk.

Tony Lynch (00:32:17) - Why men don't talk? Because we got them full of women and children. Men don't like to talk about when to talk about the things that we're going through in front of when I'm in church, because we've been taught our whole lives we supposed to be providers and protectors. Showing emotions is weak. You know what I'm saying? Being vulnerable would get you killed. So we had to suppress, not express. That was the first time. I said okay. Well, what about this section over here? This is the reason why you have such a high suicide rate. High addiction rate? High homeless rate. Have you ever thought about maybe they're going through something and maybe no one's listening to them? Because you're a man, right? Yeah, man. So hold on then. What's my next steps? And so I argue with the concept of starting a nonprofit for probably about 6 to 9 months. After that, you know, constantly argue, I'm not doing it. I know you got me messed up.

Tony Lynch (00:33:11) - I'm not doing something like this. And then finally it got it got me it it got my heart. I said, you know what? We as men need a place to where we can talk. So I did, I started, I started Memories of Us. I said, well, what's the next step? You know, because now I got to get the men to come in. And for the first year and a half, I didn't get anything right. And so then I started podcasting. I started my first podcast, Memories of Us, and I wanted to showcase stories with men like ourselves. To to put those stories out there so other men knew that they went by ourselves, you know, and that went pretty good. The stone didn't get people come to the support groups and things like that. And then one day, one day I wanted to give up. I so wanted to give up. I was like, I'm done. I can't do it, you know, I'm done. Let me I'll go figure out something else.

Tony Lynch (00:34:07) - One man started coming to the group and then Covid happened. Oh, you know, so I went I went from there and I went virtually. Okay. See how this works. And I did that. And I was feeling that that in the beginning, so many freaking failures, ups and downs. There's so many challenges, you know? But I kept trying, and I'm glad I did, because it took one time where one guy shows up to the group. The next following week, that guy didn't show up for two more people showed up and I was like, multiplication. You know, then eventually. I had hundreds of people showing up. So then I had to separate the groups. Then I had hundreds more people showing them. Men. Really good men. Supporting each other and uplifting and loving on each other and speaking life into each other. And you know, there came this brotherhood through memories of us. So. And, now, you know, now, you know, everything is going pretty good.

Tony Lynch (00:35:21) - But I also have my challenges as well because I still got to get myself into a place, right? But I did, you know, a good friend came and said, hey man, I got this little shack back here 500 a month. Can you afford that? I said, yeah, man, I can, you know. Now, during this time. Here's where it gets really interesting, right? Because during this time now I got the podcast going on. I got the support groups going on. I got myself into a nice little place. Now I got an office space opened up, I'm doing events. I'm doing all of these beautiful things. Well, I started drinking again. Celebrating the little wins, right? You know what they say? I started celebrating the little man. Then that one shooter turned into six and six turned into 24. And. And those. These are just shooters. Little vodka shooters, right? That ain't even including a beer. You know what I'm saying? That's not including none of that.

Tony Lynch (00:36:18) - So I'm going through 36 pack, 30, 36 pack of whatever I can drink. And that just wasn't enough. So I'm celebrating, because now you know what I'm saying? I got this thing going, right? I got this thing going. There. In humble me. It definitely knocked me back down again. Right? You know, and I had to scrape and climb. And life had a strange way of saying, in order for you to make this, you're going to have to get rid of some people. So the people that was helping me out with my podcast. when I'm having to go out on separate ways. Right, you know, saying they wanted something in their life and I wanted them to go after I said, I'm not going to take the person. So then, More people came in. The more people came in and more people had to get rid of because they wanted to go. And life says, if you want it, you're going to have to make these sacrifices, okay.

Tony Lynch (00:37:17) - Then I had a good woman come into my life and said, look. I'm not going to watch you destroy yourself. I need you around. But I put down the bottle. And I've been running on this path every Thursday. And my brother, ever since then, I've been sober, I've been clear, and I've enjoyed every step of the way. And I'm going to tell you when when you do things like that. Life has a strange way of rewarding you. I've done an animation. I've written a book. My podcast is up for number one, podcast in the world. When it comes down to grief, talking about grief, trauma, I've explored every opportunity in there. You know, I started this new podcast, grief. Let's talk about it. And I've been doing it for nine months now and got into live streaming. Right. You know what I'm saying? I was like, what is this? Let's do that right. You know? So I started doing that. I started doing panel discussions.

Tony Lynch (00:38:10) - I've hosted two conferences, virtual conferences. I started another organization called the Global Grief Network. Oh my God, man, I got another movie offer. We're about ready to kick off a new tour called the Healing Through Love Tour. I'll be working with some actors, actresses and musicians, some, some wrestling superstars, you know, and the list goes on. Right? And then my podcast took off in its own direction to where I was like, oh, wow. You know, this last go around is when I met you and, you know, said, I think at that time, I think I finally I'm well, not really tapped out, but I have, you know, I managed this last go around to get over 300 people to want to sign up for the, for the podcast. Unheard of. Never seen anything like this. So I was like, you know what? I'm gonna drop a podcast every day. Right? Then I had people come back and was like, man, I would like to talk about this.

Tony Lynch (00:39:05) - So recently, I started a new segment on top of my regular podcast and my panel discussions and my weekly panel discussions. I started a let's Talk about it Wednesdays. Right? You know what I'm saying? And so I started doing that new segment, and I have over 100 some odd people that sign up for that one. And, and it's been. The spin is beautiful, surreal journey. Of heartbreak. From. battling alcoholism. But it's been. It's been a true process of becoming more of my authentic self. I can honestly say that this what I do is authentically who I am. I have a purpose. I have a direction. I have a vision. I now realize that the that the laws of physics no longer applies for me, because everything that I'm shooting for is beyond anything that I've ever imagined. And I'm making it happen, and I'm bringing people with me. And now my goal is. To help those that need. They need us to build a resource. a resource organization is so big that no one ever has to be turned away again.

Tony Lynch (00:40:28) - Right. Because I want to see the people in our communities here. And I want to bring in those who want to come and build their organizations or their or their companies. I want them to come and be the light in their lives, because I wish I would have somebody like me to walk with me when I needed. Yeah.

Duncan Bhaskaran Brown (00:40:54) - I think I'm just going to say wow.

Tony Lynch (00:41:00) - It's been. It's been a hell of a ride, brother.

Duncan Bhaskaran Brown (00:41:03) - Yeah. I mean, look, you know, one of the great privileges of my life is that I get to delve into people's stories, and I get to hear, you know, the. The depth of human emotion and, Yeah, that. Yeah, that was the depth of human emotion. Right? And look, I mean, there's an absolute ton of stuff that I could say. There's so much that, you know, you could pick out that story and draw so many conclusions. But what I figure is I think the listeners are just smart enough to, to draw their own conclusions about your story.

Duncan Bhaskaran Brown (00:41:46) - So I'm going to say thank you for the amazing, amazing work that you're doing, I think. It's it's so needed. I mean, there's. Far too much trauma, far too much pressure on men not to open up and not to talk about things. And I know you know all of that already. so I think I am going to just totally and utterly kill the vibe and ask you my stupid final Ikea question. Have you ever had the meatballs, by the way? You ever been to Ikea? The meatballs. Have you ever eaten the meatballs at Ikea?

Tony Lynch (00:42:25) - no. No, I have not. Okay.

Duncan Bhaskaran Brown (00:42:27) - That's good because in my opinion, they're awful. But it's like when everybody goes to Ikea, they they think they ought to eat the meatballs because it's Ikea, but they taste bad, but they feel they have to do it. So that's my way of getting into this question. What is it about life that you think people should do but they don't really want to do? You know, the thing that they really need to do, but they definitely don't want to do?

Tony Lynch (00:42:54) - Learn to forgive yourself for the things that you don't know.

Tony Lynch (00:43:02) - Yeah, because it's worth it. Don't beat yourself up. Too bad, you know? because you got to remember, everything that you go through is the first time that you're going through it. You're not going to be perfect at it the first time around. So learn how to forgive yourself. And then once you learn how to forgive yourself, smile. Smell. And the reason why I say smell. It's because, you made it through another moment in your life. We got the chance to learn from it. We had the chance to, pull. Help someone else, help someone else in a bad spot. Take the opportunity to do that.

Speaker 3 (00:43:49) - And.

Duncan Bhaskaran Brown (00:43:50) - I think self-forgiveness, you know, really does shine out of the, the story that you've just shared with us. And, you know, you're you're a great example of that. And, you know, I just I want to thank you for, again for, for sharing that amazing story with us. But, look, I as I say, you're doing a lot of amazing work in the world.

Duncan Bhaskaran Brown (00:44:15) - Where can people find out more about what you're doing?

Tony Lynch (00:44:19) - Yeah. They can. They can find me on Facebook, Instagram or LinkedIn. They can find me on LinkedIn as Tony Lynch. they can find my Facebook groups, memories of us. They can find the Global Grief Network in there as well, you know. they can find me on Instagram as men's grief support, you know? So I put a lot of that work up there. My website is currently under construction. I'm revamping it, coming out with a few other things. so as as we're starting to move forward, if they're looking for a podcast where they want to hear these amazing stories, you know, everything is live streamed. If they have questions or anything like that, they can find me on, on YouTube. under the grief. Let's talk about the podcast, you know, and, you know, I don't I just want people to come in and, and, and get the information to be able to use actionable strategies to help them in their life, you know, especially if they're struggling.

Tony Lynch (00:45:14) - And leave a comment. Let us know what they think. Right. You know what I'm saying? Share what other people are not asking for money. Don't need your money. You know, I would like to support, you know, because the more people that hear these stories, the more people that we can reach and the more people start to hear.

Duncan Bhaskaran Brown (00:45:30) - Yeah, yeah, because you can't put a price on that, can you? I mean, you you just like there is no dollar amount that compensate for, you know, well helping another human being is there. Right.

Tony Lynch (00:45:42) - Well that's that's what we're called to do. Right. You know what I'm saying. What's, you know, the biggest blessing that you can do in this life is to help someone else when, when they're down on their luck. Write, to pay it forward, to speak life and to someone, to to sit with someone when they need you the most. That is the biggest blessing that you can ever be to someone, right? It's not about the money.

Tony Lynch (00:46:06) - It's not about the conversation. It's about the company that you keep.

Speaker 3 (00:46:10) - Right? Yeah.

Tony Lynch (00:46:11) - And I always tell people, be the person that you needed when you was in your worst situations because you never know what the next person is going through. See, people remember the way that you make them feel right. And if you make them feel like crap, they'll talk crap about you. But if you make them feel as if they heard and that someone cares about them, do you remember you forever? And you know what happens. They take that feeling and they give it to someone else.

Duncan Bhaskaran Brown (00:46:39) - That's the biggest gift.

Tony Lynch (00:46:40) - That you can ever give someone, man. So why not?

Speaker 3 (00:46:44) - Yeah.

Duncan Bhaskaran Brown (00:46:45) - And I did just the value of giving that gift. I think that's so that's so amazing, isn't it? Because it's like the more you give it, the more value it has. And you know, it's not it cannot get exhausted. You just keep giving it. And you know, people keep appreciating it.

Duncan Bhaskaran Brown (00:47:04) - So look, I mean, thank you so much for your time now. So that was an amazing, amazing story. I yeah, I said at the start that you were speaker, and, I'm not surprised, but you're amazing on stage. I'm sure people will be flooding in to book you, but, thank you so much for your time.

Tony Lynch (00:47:24) - I appreciate you, brother. Thank you for having me on, and for your audience for listening when they when they tune in and everything. Thank you guys for your time as well.