Voyaging Beyond Resentment to Find Empathy and Liberation

Have you ever found yourself anchored to a grudge, unable to move forward? Our latest podcast episode is a journey into the art of forgiveness, exploring the liberating process of releasing the weights of resentment and anger. Through compelling personal stories, we uncover how forgiveness can be the gateway to compassion and the pursuit of joy, focusing on how mercy is often more about our peace than reconciliation with those who have wronged us. We tackle the common misconception that forgiveness is a sign of weakness, inviting you to redefine strength through empathy and emotional release.

This heart-to-heart doesn't shy away from the complexity of the emotions involved, emphasizing that forgiveness is an active choice rather than a passive one. We delve into the significance of self-forgiveness and the concept of heart posture, discussing how we can better regulate and express our emotions to ensure authenticity in our interactions. The episode is a gentle but powerful reminder that forgiveness, both of others and of ourselves, is pivotal in our quest to become the best versions of ourselves. Join us as we say a heartfelt hello to a future unburdened by the past, where vulnerability, learning, and love guide our steps.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hey Heart Seekers, welcome to the Heart's Hello Show, where we believe that our hearts are the foundation of our well-being and happiness. I am your host, keanna Talena. In today's episode, we are going to be discussing forgiveness as it relates to you starting afresh. So if you are thinking about holding on to any sort of unforgiveness, resentment, bitterness, all of those things, thinking that someone else is going to have to show up to your doorstep in order to apologize, this episode is going to be for you. According to the dictionary, forgiveness is a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance towards a person or a group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. It involves a process of letting go of negative emotions such as anger, bitterness and the desire for revenge, and it may, but does not necessarily, include feelings of goodwill, compassion or reconciliation towards your offender. So, basically, forgiveness is not about the other person. Yes, I know that you want them to come and to lay it all out on the table for you, why they did what they did, but you don't need that in order to move forward. See, there are some key aspects to that definition that I just shared with you all that forgiveness is a voluntary process. See. The forgiveness is a choice made by you. It's not forced upon the person or your offender, so it's a voluntary process, y'all. It's also tied to emotions, which means you know when you're thinking about the person. Why does it piss you off? When someone mentions your name, when you see something in your house that they gave you, it triggers your emotions. But that's involving a change that you're going to have to deal with, where you're now needing to switch your feelings and your attitudes toward that person and being able to move away from the negative emotions tied to whatever it was that transpired. However they pissed you off, you're going to have to be able to move past it. I know that it may sound easier said than done, but as we are on this journey, that's one less bag that you need to be trying to hold on to and to carry this unforgiveness from. Who knows how many people may have wronged you? Who knows how many people may have crossed you? Who knows how many of those things actually did not even transpire the way that you think that they did, but because you've never actually had a conversation with the person about what happened. It could be an assumption, and you already know what they say about people who make an assumption. Just look at the first three letters of that word.

Speaker 1: 3:40

Now we want to make sure that, as we are going through this journey of life, you don't need to hold on to this bag of unforgiveness. There are going to be so many things that are going to happen in your life good things and then there are going to be some not so good things and if you are carrying this bag for who knows how long you've been carrying it, when something else shows up into your life now you're trying to figure out well, how can I carry that when I'm also carrying this? And so I want to make sure that we are as light as possible as we are going through this journey. I'll say it again we have to be as light as possible as we are going through this journey, because we want to be able to pick up the new experiences. We want to be able to pick up those things that are going to make us happy. We want to pick up those things that bring us joy and pleasure and those desires of our heart.

Speaker 1: 4:50

But if your heart is full of resentment and bitterness and this unforgiveness, then when the good things begin to show up in your life. You can't even experience it the way that you're supposed to, because now you're waiting on a shoot, a drop, because you're thinking that something is going to happen like it did before. You're thinking that I've seen this show before, that, oh, this person is going to treat me this way, or this person is going to leave me just like this other person did. But that is not the case. Who knows, it may happen, right, but if you're going into it with this already as your mindset, more than likely it may transpire in your life. But we want to make sure that we have and we are expressing our emotions about what has transpired in a healthy way so that we can now release it. And I just want to. I just want us to get to a place where we are not holding on to things that have transpired from childhood that we're not holding on to because you end up being stuck in that place. You know, for some people where you know they're still talking about oh, when their their parent left, or oh, when something traumatic happened in their life. They're still stuck in that place, and so the only way for them to be able to move past where that is, they're going to have to forgive, and it doesn't even necessarily mean that they're going to have to go back to the person.

Speaker 1: 6:45

No, forgiveness is for you and for some of you all, it's just a simple being able to forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself for all those times when you should have been able to move forward but you couldn't, because you were stuck. For all those times when you shamed yourself, for all those times when you put guilt on you that no one else was putting on you except for you, for all those times when you talk negatively about yourself to yourself. So, yeah, the very first person that you need to apologize to is you. I know that it may sound weird, but you're going to have to forgive. You. Grant yourself some grace when you don't get it right all the time.

Speaker 1: 7:44

You are not perfect and you can't operate in this space or travel along this journey through life expecting perfection. It's not going to happen. None of us are perfect and the only thing that we can do is to get a little better every day. So, yes, you can remember those areas where you bumped your head, but don't get stuck there. Forgive yourself, release the shame, release the guilt, release. You Take your own shackles off. No one else is holding you. You have your own key, and so, whatever that looks like for you, whatever you need to be able to release, whatever it is that you need to forgive within you, do that first.

Speaker 1: 8:42

Like they said, when you're on an airplane, put your mask on first, and so, as you begin to heal in this space, you're healing you first, which is also going to help you as you're going to forgive others. So we want to make sure that we're not holding on to the resentment, we're not holding on to these grudges. That stuff is emotionally draining, and so forgiveness allows individuals to move past those negative feelings that are leading you to emotional healing and your personal growth. That's what we're looking for. We're looking for the emotional intelligence, we're looking for the emotional healing, we're looking for our growth and transformation that should be taking place every day. See, the importance of healing is not just for our personal and our emotional health. It's also for our physical health.

Speaker 1: 9:48

See, people who have problems with being able to forgive. They have heart issues, cholesterol issues, pain in their body where they don't know where it's coming from, anxiety, depression, stress. All of these things can just be attributed to your inability to forgive. Like they say, it's you drinking the poison expecting someone else to get sick. That's what's happening when you don't forgive. That person could be long gone and on their way, living their best life, not thinking about you. But every day you're waking up thinking about what they did. Who's hurting except you? Nobody, no one. Why are you asking me what did I do to deserve this kind ofstein? Do you think that person is thinking about what they did to you? No, and so yeah, I get it. It's gonna hurt, it may sting a little bit, but you're still here, which means you still have purpose within you. That means there's still work for you to do. So let's deal with this unforgiveness. Let's make sure that we are encouraging peace and harmony in our life and we are living in a space where we're reducing that anger and that bitterness, because we don't want these other things to begin to show up in our lives.

Speaker 1: 11:27

So how do we deal with forgiveness? The very first thing is we're going to have to acknowledge the feelings. We're going to have to recognize and accept the emotions about the harm that was done to us and how it affects our behavior. Let me just say that it is okay for you to feel hurt and angry, it's okay, but you don't have to be stuck there. So the very first thing is acknowledge the feelings. Acknowledge that you're hurt, acknowledge that you're angry, it's okay. The second thing is that you're going to have to just express your emotions in a healthy way. Talk to your friends, family, your therapist, whoever you can trust, about what you are going through, and begin to journal in a therapeutic way so that you can express those feelings. You don't want to be a pressure cooker. You don't want to be that person where, when someone mentions that person's name, you blow up no, express the feelings, get it out, talk about it. The third thing we're going to have to do is to reflect on the incident and the person's role. So you're going to have to try to see the situation from the other person's perspective. Ask yourself why they may have behaved the way that they did. Understanding that doesn't mean or excuse the behavior, but it may give you some insight as to why they operated and did what they did.

Speaker 1: 13:12

Number four you're going to have to decide to forgive. Forgiveness is a choice. I'll say that again Forgiveness is a choice. So you're going to have to make an active decision to let go. Let go of the grievance, let go of the resentment. Let go of you thinking that you need to get back at them. Let it go. Some of you all are holding grudges from decades ago. Let it go. You're wondering why it's showing up in the relationships that you have now. Why? Because you are carrying the same foolishness from relationships that you've had Could be how you show up at work. All of that stuff funnels through into how you show up and how you deal with not just you, but how you deal with people. So let it go.

Speaker 1: 14:18

Number five is you're going to have to work on forgiveness as a process. Although you decided to forgive and you said that this is a forgiveness, is your choice and you're making the active decision to let it go, understand that forgiveness is a process and that it might take some time. So just because you may have gotten over it doesn't mean that the person that you may have been dealing with is over it. Be patient with yourself as you work through your feelings. Remember I said that it is okay for you to be angry. It is okay for you to be expressive of how you feel. And number six let go of the expectations. Release any expectations of the outcome of the forgiveness. See, the process is more about your peace of mind and the response or behavior change in the other person. You can't change anybody except for you. So if you're expecting, just because you have now forgiven them, that it's all going to be peachy keen and everything is going to be a okay, it might not be that way. It might not ever go back to where it was, and you're going to have to be okay with that.

Speaker 1: 15:46

The seventh thing is you're going to have to just practice some empathy. Try to understand the situation from the other person's viewpoint. See, empathy can be powerful catalysts towards your forgiveness. Number eight seek closure, not revenge. So yeah, if you're thinking about going out here and doing something silly, don't do it. You probably don't look well in stripes or orange, so don't do it. It's not worth it. Focus on the healing and moving forward rather than punishing your offender. Remember, forgiveness is for your benefit.

Speaker 1: 16:30

Number nine, which is probably going to be one of my favorite Engage in some meditation or mindfulness practices, see, these things help to calm your mind and provide you with a different, a broader perspective of the situation. When you're able to get quiet, you're able to hear clearly, you're able to see things from a different perspective. And number 10, I already shared with you all forgive yourself, see, often overlooked but crucial for giving yourself, for any role that you may have played in the incident or for allowing yourself to be hurt or for you hurting yourself, see. I want to make sure that we are in a great place, not just mentally but physically, see, when we're thinking about our heart posture, and for me, that's one of the places where I'm going to start with, whatever I may be going through, how is my heart? How is my heart posture? What is it that I'm feeling? Please, в, because I have to make sure that my heart is right.

Speaker 1: 18:01

The things that may be swirling around in your head is one thing, see, as the word says, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

Speaker 1: 18:13

So whatever is in your heart is going to come out of your mouth. So I wanna make sure that we are just being mindful of the forgiveness that needs to happen with ourselves first and making sure that we're not carrying this bag of unforgiveness, cause it can be heavy the older that you get. Now you're carrying stuff from childhood. That bag is heavy, put it down. Put it down, understanding that we have so much work to do and that we have to make sure that we are the best version that we can be, not just for ourselves, but for those that are attached to us. And so, in order for us to do that, in order for us to show up as the best version of ourselves, we're gonna have to forgive and remember that forgiveness first starts with you, with you. So I just wanna thank you all for joining me for another adventure of the Hearts. Hello Show. We're together, we embrace vulnerability, learn from each other and spread love. One heartfelt hello at a time.