Unveiling the Heart's Needs: The Power of Voicing Inner Desires

Discovering that my needs had shifted with the changing seasons of life hit me like a ton of bricks one ordinary Thursday. Caught in the tangle of outdated expectations, I found myself on a quest to understand what it truly means to thrive emotionally and mentally. Join me, Keona Talana, as we journey together through the intimate landscape of our emotional support networks and the transformative power of self-care. This episode peels back the layers of asking for help, the subtle art of distinguishing needs from wants, and the strength in vulnerability that comes from clear communication. It's an honest talk about how we can foster growth in our relationships, pinpoint our mental health allies, and, most importantly, voice what lies deep within us without the dread of unspoken desires.

As life's relentless pace threatens to engulf us, carving out personal sanctuaries of peace becomes essential. In this heart-to-heart, I illuminate the necessity of self-care as a pillar of well-being—not as an indulgence but as a non-negotiable. We explore how setting clear boundaries can shield us from burnout and why taking professional mental health support into our embrace is as vital as the air we breathe. I'll share the steps I take to delegate and ask for support, inviting you to do the same in a celebration of community and personal growth. Let's transform our interactions, fortify our mental resilience, and spread love—one heartfelt hello at a time.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey Heartseekers, welcome to the Heart's Hello Show, where we believe that our hearts are the foundation of our well-being and happiness. I am your host, keana Thelanus, in today's episode. I have just a simple question for you what do you need? I know that that may sound like it's a modic question, but I almost feel like there are so many of us and when I say us, my hands raised just with yours are trying to figure out what we need in this season. And so, as I spoke about last week how you know, we have to make sure that we are focused, and it for me, it has been so hard to find my focus. I had to stop and ask myself this question what do I need in this season? And what I realized is that what I need in this season is not what I've needed in previous seasons, which is also one of the reasons why it was causing me to not be able to focus, because I'm trying to carry and trying to bring those very things that I've had before and it's not what I need. So I'm asking you the question what do you need? I almost attributed to you know how would you go into the grocery store and you are famished, you're hungry and you begin to pick up everything and put it into your cart and you get home and the very things that you need to put a meal together aren't there. You have. You have all the snacks, you have all of these things that caught your eye while you were in the grocery store, but it's not what you needed. It's not what you needed to put the meal together. It's not what you needed. If you are meal prepping for the week, you have bits and pieces of stuff but nothing there to complete. Or another example would be if you're getting ready to travel, and if you're anything like myself, I always take more than what I need on the trip. So I'm anticipating okay, if I go here, what am I going to wear? What if the weather is like this? Then I got to prepare for this and so you begin to pack based on one where exactly it is that you're going. Two, what you may be doing while you're there. So you're anticipating what you need before you get there.

Speaker 1: 2:51

And I think that it's as we're getting ready to enter into the second month of this year and things are beginning to die down, all of the distractions that we may have had from the season, kind of transitioning from one year to the next, the holiday season kind of slowing down and now we're just getting into our groove. I need you to take some time, some self-introspection, to figure out what is it that you need, what is it that you need in order to go on this journey that you're going? What is it that you're longing for? Looking at your relationships, looking at your career, looking at your family, looking at everything, what do you need? Now you notice that I did not say what do you want, because want and need are going to be totally different. You can just want something but not need it. Like oxygen, we need water, we need, but that cupcake. That's a want. So, what do you need? In this season?

Speaker 1: 4:03

What I have found is that people are often reluctant to be able to ask for what it is that they need, because they're often afraid of the fear of judgment, the rejection or just the discomfort for being able to ask for that very thing. And so, as someone who I'm raising my hand, you all because, as someone who has suffered from not being able to ask for what I need, I often end up with the very things that I don't need, just because I would be afraid to communicate what it is that I'm needing in this season. And so if I'm feeling this way, or if I have been a person who is recovering from oh, I can do it all by myself and not wanting to ask for help, and then oftentimes feeling like dang, now I'm burnt out because I didn't want to express my need, regardless of if the person may say yes or no, but at least I've been able to ask. And so I want us to get to a place where we are no longer reluctant to express our needs, because if we are reluctant to express our needs, then nine times out of 10, there's going to be this weight that is sitting on us, because we know what it is that we need, we know what it is that we want to ask for, but we're unable to articulate and communicate that to the individuals around us. And so when I asked you earlier to be able to take some time to do some self-introspection of what is it that you need in this season, who is it that you need in this season, who is it that you need to become in this season in order to get everything that you said that you want? Because if you're unable to articulate it to yourself, then how is it that you're going to explain it to someone else when they ask you what do you need? And so, as you're taking this time to do your own self-work, here are a couple of areas that I need you to just take a look at when you're looking at your needs.

Speaker 1: 6:35

Who do you need in your life for emotional support? See, most of the time when you are craving emotional support during challenging times in your life, you fear the burden of others because it makes you peer up here vulnerable. So who do you need in your life to be that person that you can talk to? Who do you need in your life that you don't have to question what you share with them and is going to be shared with anyone else? Because I know from personal experience how it feels to want to pick up the phone and call people and share what's going on in my life, but then I've oftentimes heard how you talk about other people to me, and so it's like, well, dave, if I come to you with my personal feelings, will this only stay with you? And I Do. I have to worry about if what I'm sharing with you in my most vulnerable state is now going to be shared with someone else. So you need to figure out who are going to be those people that you can trust. Who are going to be those people when you just need a good cry, that you can pick up the phone and they're just there to listen as you vent. Who are going to be those people, when they know that you need them, are going to say, hey, let's go hang out, let's go for a walk, let's go grab a drink, whatever that may be.

Speaker 1: 8:17

Find your emotional support, individuals that are going to be there for you during those times, and then also make sure that you articulate to them hey, I'm looking for you, anything to you in this space, or do you have the capacity to do that? Because oftentimes, I think that we reach out to people or we assume that they can carry what it is that we are carrying and they may not be able to. They may be going through their own personal issues and at the time, they just can't handle it. So you want to not only figure out who those individuals are going to be for your emotional support, but then also ask them hey, when I need someone to lean on, can you be that person for me in this season and then vice versa. Hey, when you need someone to lean on, do you need me in that space? How do you want me to show up for you? So that's going to be the first area that I would like for you to look into who's going to be those individuals in your space that can be emotional support for you?

Speaker 1: 9:36

The second thing is going to be what is it that you need meaning time-wise for your self-care? Because oftentimes those who are constantly going all the time, they don't make time for themselves. They're hesitant to think that, oh, I can't do this for me because, oh, it now looks as if I'm being selfish, but let me just remind you that, as they say on the plane, put your mask on first. You can't show up for others when you have not first taken care of yourself and know it is not selfish of you. It would actually be selfish of you to not take care of yourself first, because then that ultimately means that everyone else is getting a burnt out version of you. You can't give yourself or give others 100% of you when you are completely empty.

Speaker 1: 10:34

So make sure that you are taking time for your self-care, whatever that is for you. Jot that down? What does it look like for you to relax? What does it look like for you to put your phone away and just close your eyes and be in a state of just being? What does that look like for you, taking away all of the societal expectations and the work pressures that you may have? What does that look like? What do you need? What do you need to make sure that you are taking care of?

Speaker 1: 11:12

The third thing is going to be I talked about it before Just being able to articulate your needs, clear communication, and in clear communication, you need to be able to communicate honestly in whatever relationships you're in. But if you are fearing the conflict or the discomfort or whatever that is, that's preventing you from being able to express your needs, that is not healthy. Unrave, that was an area for me that I struggled in, that I didn't know how to articulate my needs and so, therefore, my communication was lacking. So, no, I don't want you to be a pressure cooker. No, I don't want you to not be able to share how it is that you feel. Those are your feelings and they need to be heard.

Speaker 1: 12:12

The fourth thing I need you to just be able to take a look at and figure out what your need is. What does your personal space look like? What does your alone time look like? So, back to what I was saying with the self care. But in this instance, what are your boundaries? What do you struggle to communicate? That your fear is going to be misinterpreted. So what are your boundaries? What do you need? What do you need in this space? How do you need to articulate this to people? For me, it's turning on my do not disturb at nine o'clock. That's a boundary. I hadn't always been setting it, but it's now a boundary. I have to make sure that I am taking care of my mental space. I'm taking care of, I'm taking care of Keana, and so you're going to have to figure out what that need is for you.

Speaker 1: 13:16

The fifth thing is going to be what do you need for your mental health? What do you need? Do you need a therapist? What do you need? And stop just saying, oh, I'm just going to pray about it. No, no, you may need something more than just that. Prayer is amazing, don't get me wrong, but some of us need therapy. We need a person that we can speak to, even when we're talking about it. May not be individuals that you feel that you can trust, but get you a therapist that doesn't know you, that you can pour all of this stuff out that you have been holding on to, because the traumas, the triggers that you have, all of these things need to come up and come out so that, as you are traveling on this journey, that you are as light as possible.

Speaker 1: 14:09

So figure out what you need for your mental health. Figure out what you need just from assistance. How can people come in to help you with whatever those tasks may be? But in order for them to know what it is that you need, you first need to know what you need. What are the tasks that you can delegate? Stop thinking that you can do it all on your own and ask for help.

Speaker 1: 14:41

Another area is going to be clarifying your relationships. What do you need? What do you need? And, as we're going into this second month of February and this love month, we're going to get into some of that stuff. But what do you need? What do you need in your relationships If you're married? What do you need If you have children? What do you need If you're in a situation? What do you need? Are you articulating that? And I need for you to just recognize those areas A few more. What do you need in your career? What do you need in your finances? What do you need?

Speaker 1: 15:32

And so I want you to just take some time to make a list of your needs and then make a list of those people who can help fulfill your very needs. And if you're finding gaps where there may not be someone that can help you with that, guess what? Now you have identified a need, and don't be surprised when that person, person, whoever they are show up, because now you know what it is that you need. You have asked for what it is that you need, and it has no choice but to show up in your life. I know for me, that's how God works for me, but I have to first identify what it is that I need, ask for what it is that I need and then watch it show up.

Speaker 1: 16:34

So there's action steps that need to take place, and I'm so excited for you because we're just one month out of a year.

Speaker 1: 16:45

We probably didn't get it all right in the first month, and who cares? We're not going to get it all right, but we have now identified some steps in what it is that we need for this year, who we need for this year, who we need to become, because the journey is just a journey and we can't just travel it alone. We need people and people need us, and so I'm excited for you. I'm excited that you're traveling this journey with me because, again, I don't just come on here and I'm not just talking about things that I'm not dealing with in my own personal life. See, the heart's hello is personal for me and I had to tap into my very heart center, which is why I come on and I say, hey, heart seeker, because you're going to have to do some seeking within you, and it starts with your heart. So I just want to thank you for joining me for another adventure of the heart's hello show. We're together, we embrace vulnerability, we learn from each other and we spread love. One heart felt hello at a time.