Crafting Bonds and Building Inner Fortitude on Love's Dynamic Expedition

Have you ever felt love's unmistakable tug at your heartstrings, only to find it as complex as a Rubik's Cube? Join me, Keona Talana, on The Hearts Hello show, where we'll embark on a soulful journey into the labyrinth of love. From the fervor of eros to the self-embrace of philautia, we'll explore how love's different shades paint our world and relationships. Reflecting upon how we express and prefer love can reveal the dance of compatibility and, sometimes, the discord of mismatched rhythms. Through a tapestry of stories and insights, we'll uncover the heart's role as a beacon of authenticity and learn to navigate the intricate dance of human connection.

As we weave through the chapters of love's narrative, we'll also fortify our emotional resilience, learning to weather the storms of rejection and loss. It's a delicate balance; opening our hearts wide enough for genuine connection yet setting boundaries to protect our inner sanctum. There's artistry in cultivating a heart-centered mindset—we flourish through daily kindness, introspection, and the warmth of the human touch. So, let's raise a glass to the journey ahead—a toast to vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and the beauty found in each heartfelt hello. Join in and let your heart lead the way to transformative growth and deeper relationships.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey, heart seekers, welcome to the Heart Teller Show, where we believe that our hearts are the foundation of our well-being and happiness. I am your host, keana Tolena. Well, we are officially in this what they consider to be this love month, and we're going to be talking about an understanding love through the lens of the heart. So first let me just give you a couple of definitions of the word love, because it's one of those multifaceted emotions that can sometimes be challenging to define. So I want to make sure that, as we are diving into this particular episode, that we understand that there are so many different definitions of love. So we have eros, which is going to be the romantic and passionate love. We have filia, which will be deep friendships and camaraderie. We have stroke, which is familial love that can be associated with our parents, siblings, children, things of that nature. Agape love, which is unconditional love that is selfless and giving. We have ludus love, which is playful and flirtatious, often associated with casual relationships and things of that sort. We have pragma, which is longstanding love in marriage and long term couples. We have felicia, which is self love, which can be healthy and unhealthy, depending on what type of self love you have going on. So those are going to be the various types of love, but I want you to just kind of think about before we dive into this episode how do you love, how do you love, how do you like to be loved, and how do you often give love. And so, if we are honest, and just that, answering that question, we often show up in relationships wanting to give love the way that we often want to receive it. And so, as we already know that there are going to be some people who don't love the same way that we love, so that when we try to push our love language off on them, it often sometimes is not received the way that we think that it should be. And so, as we are just looking at one how we show up in relationships, how we give love, how we receive love, and then what happens sometimes when individuals don't give back the love that we are often giving out, what do you do?

Speaker 1: 2:57

And so, as we're looking at the heart's role in love, we want to just look at it more from just a physical organ, but also this symbol of our inner emotional world, this where the seat of our deepest feelings and desires are, and so most people struggle with operating from this place of true love because one they don't understand truly who they are, and they're showing up as this facade of a person in every different relationship that they have. So they may show up to work one way, they may show up at home one way, they may show up with their friends a different way. And I'm not saying that you don't have to, you know, be different in different spaces, but you should not be showing up as a whole different version of you in all of these different places. And then we oftentimes wonder well, I don't understand, why is this relationship not working? And let me just define that when I'm talking about relationships, I'm not just speaking on romantic relationships. It could be platonic, it could be friend relationships, it could be work relationships, whatever that is.

Speaker 1: 4:20

For you, take some time to really look at how you show up, because we want to be able to recognize what those barriers are that cause us to not be able to understand love through the heart, because then we're also going to dive in. Well, how is it that we can now cultivate a heart-centered understanding of love? And so, when we go back to just what are some of the barriers that individuals struggle with. It's because there's a fear of vulnerability. There can be past traumas, there can be societal expectations. You know just the influence of media and technology and our perceptions of love.

Speaker 1: 5:09

If we're truly honest, how have these things shaped what we think love should look like? And so oftentimes we are looking at love through a lens of how it shows up in the movies that we watch. Oh, this is what it should be, or what the cultural norm is, or, for some individuals, how we were just loved in our family and by community, and so all of these personal experiences begin to shape how love shows up for us. So they're going to be some that have, you know, early attachments of love, relationships, our caregivers, those crucial roles that shaped us as an individual, in our younger, as our younger selves. And so also to that, who are the people that, when we were growing up, thought that they loved us but then abused us, and so we have to be able to look at all of those different things. We have to be able to look at our past relationships. You know, how did love show up in those relationships? Did we understand what love really was, our self perception of growth?

Speaker 1: 6:32

You know, when, one of the things that we talk about just here on the heart's hello show is our individual journey, and so, as we are going through this self-discovery phase, it often includes our struggles, our achievements, our personal growth, our influences that give and receive love, and so we have to be able to one, like I've said before just understand how we give love, how we show love and what is it that we need. When we're looking for individuals to come into our space, whatever that is, whatever that relationship may be for us, how are we looking for them to show up? Because oftentimes we end up pushing away individuals because one we don't necessarily understand who we are as a person and how we want to be loved and need to be loved, because we first don't even understand ourselves to even articulate to a person what it is that we need. And so, as we are just doing this self-introspection work of ourselves, let's just first make sure that we understand ourselves enough so that when we have conversations and are able to communicate to individuals who show up in our lives, what do we need? What is it that we're looking for? But you first have to be able to love you enough.

Speaker 1: 8:13

And that part hits so deep for me because I have to look at past relationships and look at how I showed up. I had to look at what I thought was love, and so how could I even have this vision of what love could be when I didn't even love myself enough? So I'm showing up in relationships and spaces trying to give away something that I didn't even have for me. Now I don't know if I'm just the only one that is standing in this room with my hand raised, but I was not able to share what it was that I needed because I didn't first understand me enough. And so now, as I'm going through this journey and I'm seeing things through the lens of the heart, I had to realize dang, I couldn't even explain that because I didn't even love Kiana enough.

Speaker 1: 9:15

And so, if that is you in this space, figure out how to love you, because there is going to be no way that anyone can come into your space to love you more than you love you when you don't even love you. I will say that again you cannot expect someone to love you more than you love you when you don't love you first. So let's make sure that we are loving ourselves. And again, whoever may come to say oh, that selfish? No, it's not. It is selfless to love you, because you cannot show up and be this superwoman or superman for everyone when you first don't love you. You can't. Hence the reason why, when we get on these planes and the instructions that they provide us is to put your mask on first, you can't help someone if the oxygen in the plane has now gone down. Are you trying to hurry up and put? No, you are going to have to put yours on first. The cabin pressure has gone down and you trying to help everybody else, but you don't have any oxygen to breathe. Blake mom prophecy.

Speaker 1: 10:46

So no, let's make sure that we are taking care of ourselves so that when we do show up for the individuals that are in our lives that we love, for our family, for our friends, for those romantic relationships that we had, that we are showing up and giving them everything that we can from a place of true love. And we're only going to be able to do that when we first understand how to love us, when we first understand how we love, when we first understand how we want to be loved and how we show up in spaces to love others. So let's get into how we can cultivate a heart-centered understanding of love, the first thing that we're going to have to do is some self-reflection and emotional awareness, because, in order for us to understand how to cultivate a heart center and an understanding of love, we're going to have to spend some time reflecting on our feelings. We're going to have to spend some time understanding our desires and our fears, and so, for some of us, that may come through journaling, meditation, mindfulness, whatever those tools are that we have already spoke on. Begin to use those. Don't just be a hearer of what is being said on this podcast. You want to be a doer.

Speaker 1: 12:10

Others are those who are going to take the next step, because you can listen to this podcast over and over and over again, but if you're not going to put action to what it is that you have been learning, then you're going to be in this same place again next year, and that is not how we are trying to travel through this journey of life because, as we already know, the days count. They're coming, the next day is coming, the next year is coming, and you want to be the best version of yourself in each one of those years, but not the same version of you constantly showing up. So the first thing was the self reflection. The second thing is going to be our communication and our vulnerability. So we're going to have to stress the importance of being open and honest and communicating in our relationships. Why? Because that is going to be the only pathway to deeper connection. Some of the individuals only have this vague, very just skimming the surface of being able to communicate, and so you're going to have to be uncomfortable in your communication, to be uncomfortable in articulating what it is that you feel need desire to whomever. Be comfortable in being vulnerable.

Speaker 1: 13:37

The third thing that we're going to have to do is just educating and unlearning some of those things that we thought that we knew. How we thought that we were showing up in spaces and saying, oh yes, I love this person. Well, were you really? Were you giving them what it was that they needed? And when you're talking about, oh, that person loves me, do they? Are they giving you what you need? Probably not. So let's begin to unlearn some of those things that we thought that we knew, Because being able to learn about healthy relationships and unlearning harmful myths about love, we have to be able to do this work, and so, if that means picking up a book, getting into therapy it's OK. You operated from a place that you thought that you knew, and that's fine. You know better, you do better, and so, now that we know better, we're going to do better. The fourth thing that we're going to do is we're going to practice some empathy and compassion, not just for others, but we need to be able to practice that for ourselves as well. We have to be able to foster love, and what is love? Love is patience, love is kind. Love is forgiving.

Speaker 1: 15:02

Some of you all are holding on to things that you will never be able to change, and you're trying to figure out. Well, I don't know. No one loves me. Well, what is it that you're giving off? What is it that people sense when they are around you? What is it that is coming out of your mouth? So let's show up as better versions of ourselves.

Speaker 1: 15:26

The fifth thing that we're going to need to do is to build our emotional resilience. How are we going to do that? Dealing with rejection, dealing with loss, dealing with challenges of love, but in ways that strengthen the heart rather than closing it off. Some of you all have walls up, and I can say that now because I was that individual. I was that person that had a fortified wall around me that you were unable to penetrate, because I did not want you to come in to hurt me. But what I was realizing was no one being able to come in also meant that I was unable to give anything out. That wall works both ways. Things don't just aren't able to be able to come in, they're unable to go out as well. And so, for me, it was lowering that wall, but also realizing what my boundaries were. So the wall may be lowered, but the invisible boundary is still there. And so, no, it's not just being naive, but it's understanding more and more of who you are. And the more you begin to understand who you are, you not only build up this emotional resilience, you now have emotional intelligence on how you show up in your relationships.

Speaker 1: 16:51

So, as we go through this journey of really cultivating a heart-centered mindset, operating from a place of our heart center and when I said heart center mindset, because, yes, the two go together you got to get your mind right. So now let's be able to benefit from having a heart-centered approach of life. There are positive impacts of just understanding love through your heart, because it's going to cause those deeper connections, it's going to cause your increased satisfaction in your relationships and your personal growth. And so I am just so excited because I know that there are going to be some small steps that we take each and every day to be able to connect to our heart. If that is going to be through introspection, expressing affection, your practicing kindness, understanding towards yourself and and to others, it's all a journey, and so we have to be reminded that, in understanding love through the lens of the heart, it's a journey, y'all. It's not a destination, and it's about embracing this full spectrum of human emotions.

Speaker 1: 18:22

So I am excited about this journey that we are on. I am excited about each and every one of you taking that next step, and so, although I say each and every one of you all, that also applies to me everything it is that I share on here I am also doing because I want to be the best version of myself that I can be, so that when I am in spaces with individuals, when I am developing relationships, whatever that may be, that I am showing up as the best version of me that I can be and knowing that I am constantly evolving, constantly getting better, constantly being more aware of who I am. So I just want to thank you all for joining me on this adventure of the heart's hello show, where, together, we embrace vulnerability, we learn from each other and we spread love. One heartfelt hello at a time.