Discovering the Courage to Love Oneself and Live Unbounded

Join me, Keona Talana, on a voyage through the intricacies of self-appreciation and internal joy on the Heart's Hello Show. We're all seeking that serene state of being content with who we are, and it's time to figure out why self-doubt often clouds our ability to accept the love and praise we deserve. It's a solo journey to happiness that we embark on. I'm here to guide you through it, step by heartfelt step, as we unpack the significance of emotional independence and the empowerment that comes from recognizing our intrinsic worth.

This episode is a heartfelt invitation to live by four life-altering principles: speaking truthfully, avoiding personal offense from others' actions, steering clear of assumptions, and always doing your best, which can ebb and flow with life's ups and downs. Embrace the freedom that comes from understanding that happiness is a personal endeavor and discover how to cultivate peace and grace within yourself. With no guest to distract, it's just you and me on this enriching journey, where every step forward is celebrated. So tune in and open your heart—it's the only way to say hello to the life you deserve.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey heart seekers, welcome to the Hearts Hello Show, where we believe that our hearts are the foundation of our well-being and happiness. I am your host, kiana Talena, in this episode. I wanna ask you a simple question, and that question is are you happy? Are you happy with the person that you are? If you just were to look at yourself in the mirror and if you don't have a mirror right in front of you, even if you just take your phone out and you turn the camera on, flip it around and you're looking at yourself, do you make you happy? Are you happy with where you are in your relationships? Are you happy with where you are in your careers? Are you happy? Are you happy? And if not, what will make you happy? See, these are the questions that we need to begin to ask ourselves as we are journeying through life, because there are going to be people and situations and things that are going to come, and their main responsibility and role could be just to make us happy or just to bring happiness into our lives, to bring joy into our lives, to bring satisfaction and fulfillment into our lives, but if we first don't understand and have a well-being, a state of well-being and contentment with just us. All of those accompanied feelings of joy and satisfaction and fulfillment are now contingent upon other people and I'm not saying that other people aren't supposed to come into our lives to do these things, but we first have to be happy with ourselves. We first have to be able to look at ourselves and be content. See the last conference that I did.

Speaker 1: 1:55

I asked everyone to be able to take their phone out and to take a picture of themselves just one picture and see. What typically happens is if you take a selfie of yourself. That sounds crazy, right, if you take a selfie of yourself. If you take a selfie, you begin to pick out all of the flaws within you. But if someone else were to see that same picture that you just took, they don't see all of those things that you see. Because we are sometimes our biggest critics, we will pick out every flaw within ourselves so that when other people begin to come in and tell us how amazing we are, we can't either be happy or content. How amazing we are, we can't even take that information is because in our minds we have already programmed ourselves that there is something wrong. There is something wrong with who knows, could be hair, skin, body type, something wrong teeth-wise, who knows? Whatever that may be, but when someone else sees that picture, they don't see all of those things.

Speaker 1: 3:09

And so I want us to get to a place that, when we look at ourselves, that we are happy with the state that we're in. I want us to get to a place where we can see those things that we need to work on, but we don't begin to heart for them. We don't begin to put ourselves down to the point where it's like you have to constantly be thinking about the thing that you need to work on. See, I want us to get to a place where we can be just happy with ourselves, knowing that there are going to be some imperfect things within us. But I also need us to understand that when there's an inability to be able to see all of the amazingness that we have within us, all of the purpose that is down within us, we cannot walk in the purpose that we have, because we're constantly trying to fix ourselves, to make ourselves perfect, and what I say to you is that progress, not perfection.

Speaker 1: 4:14

See, so often in conversations I may have with individuals, when I ask them the question, what makes them happy? They immediately begin to talk about all of the people, the places, the things that make them happy. And when I say no, no, what is it that you do that makes you happy for you? They have to pause and they have to think about it. Why is it that we can easily rattle off those external things that make us happy? Or when we talk about those things that we need to be doing for ourselves, we have to stop, pause and think about it.

Speaker 1: 4:54

See, that can be a problem, because now you have emotional dependency on other people. I mean, your emotional state becomes vulnerable to their actions, moves and decisions Like that means that, as they are saying and doing things to you, you are now reacting to their behaviors rather than you cultivating your own source of happiness. So when you hear people that say I have peace regardless of what may be transpiring around them, that does not affect their peace, because their peace is internal. The environment doesn't affect their peace. They have created that within themselves, and so I want us to get to a place where we are not emotionally dependent upon other people to make us happy Again. Yes, they can come in and make us happy, but we have to first be able to understand ourselves enough to be able to make ourselves happy.

Speaker 1: 6:04

When you begin to be emotionally dependent upon people, you end up losing your own self-empowerment. You begin to erode your own self-empowerment and start believing that you are incapable of being happy on your own, which basically undermines your self-confidence and self-esteem. We don't need that. The other thing that typically happens when you tie your happiness to other people, you begin to have these unrealistic expectations, and so now you are putting pressure on your relationships because you're placing the responsibility for your happiness on someone else. That is not their responsibility. Their responsibility is not to make you happy. That is a personal journey and so no one is perfect, and if you're expecting others to always make you happy, it's unrealistic and unfair. This leads to a whole sort of issues, but it ultimately leads you down a road of disappointment and resentment. It puts a strain on your relationships that should have never been placed there to begin with. So why? Why? Because people change and their inability or ability to contribute to your happiness can fluctuate, just like we talked about. Life is life, so that means if life is happening for you, life is also happening for them. So relying on someone else for your happiness sets you up for disappointment and inevitably it'll. They will fail to meet your expectations at times. So let's bring and pull our power back to making sure that we are making ourselves happy. Again, the journey starts with us, so as we fix ourselves, then ultimately it rolls into all of our relationships.

Speaker 1: 8:11

We show up differently. The level of expectation that we have on others are not contingent upon those things that we should be doing for ourselves. So see, when you are in a pursuit of happiness through others, you begin to compromise your own values, goals and your well-being. So when we talk about people who are saying, oh, they've been code switching or, oh, they're not being authentic to themselves or they're wearing a mask, these are the things that typically happen when you begin to put your happiness in other people. You now don't show up as you. You now have to show up as this person to be who you're not, so that they can be who they're not to try to make you happy. We have to get to a place where the things that we are supposed to be able to do for ourselves we're doing, and those other things that people begin to do for us are considered to be a bonus. So, again, when you're talking about being happy. That's a personal journey. But when you're talking about being happy, or in happiness, those are the things that people can come in and assist you with.

Speaker 1: 9:19

But let's start with how do we just become happy? How do we take back the power that we have been giving to so many people so that we can now begin to work on our relationships the way that we should, the way that they are intended to be, and stop placing these expectations on individuals who cannot meet them? See, the majority of the time the disappointments that we begin to have are coming from the expectations that we have now placed on individuals, knowingly and unknowingly. They can't meet that, but most are not going to say I can't meet your expectation, so now they want to try to do above and beyond to try to make you happy when that's your own personal journey. So one of the things that helped me is hopefully you'll pick up the book before agreements. It caused me to think about things in a different way, and just these four simple steps that you can do on a daily basis will help you in your pursuit to become happy for you, because ultimately, we know that as we begin to work on ourselves, that trickles down to everything else that we do in our lives. That trickles down to how we show up in our relationships, how we deal with our spouses and children and our close friends, how we show up at work, because now you're not bringing in things that are going on at home into the workplace. It shows in your level of passion and pursuit for your purpose. See, happiness is bigger than just oh, I'm happy and bringing joy and excitement into your life. No, when you have this different emotional well-being, it helps you to be creative, it helps you with sleeping well at night, it helps you with just being a better, well-rounded individual. So, again, what I was saying is that those four agreements helped me.

Speaker 1: 11:33

Outside of the Bible, this is one of my favorite books and I would recommend that each and every one of you all take an opportunity to read it and not just want, because, as we know, we continue to grow each and every day, each and every month, each and every year. So read it and read it as often as you need to. The very first agreement is be impeccable with your word. What does that mean? Speak with integrity and say only what you mean. Mean what you say. Say what you mean. If it's a no, that you know that you can't do it. Say no. So avoid using words to speak against yourself or to gossip about other people. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. So be impeccable with your word is number one.

Speaker 1: 12:24

Number two don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dreams. So when you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of their needless suffering. Do not take it personally.

Speaker 1: 12:51

Number three this was probably one of the hardest things for me to be able to wrap my mind around was do not make assumptions. Do not make assumptions. So you're gonna have to find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Be able to communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstanding, sadness and drama. Do not make assumptions. Do not, because if you do, sometimes you end up being the first three letters of that word assumption. You'll figure that out later.

Speaker 1: 13:36

Number four always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment and it will be different. When you are healthy, you're in a right mental space because under any circumstance, simply you doing your best, you end up avoiding self-judgment, self-abuse, regret. So we always wanna make sure that we are doing our best. That's why I say we are different from day to day, so make sure that we just kind of take those four things and do those daily. Be impeccable with your word. Don't take anything personally, don't make any assumptions. Always do your best.

Speaker 1: 14:26

If you can just basically do those four things, you are now setting yourself up for being happy. So as you go about your day, as you're looking at your relationships, as you're looking at your career and your business and your family and all of these things, try your best to do those four things as you use that as your framework, because that's going to be leading you in a life filled with peace, grace, unconditional love, happiness that you can control. So I'm excited about each and every one of your journeys. I'm excited as you begin to find your happiness within you, because ultimately that's going to trickle down to your relationships and all of those great things that are happening in your life. But they start with you first. So I just wanna thank you for joining me for another adventure of the Heart's Hello Show, where together, we embrace vulnerability, learn from each other and spread love. One heartfelt hello at a time.