Have you ever stood before a mirror, waging a silent war against the reflection staring back at you? A beacon for women's empowerment, join me to tackle the complexities of self-actualization and the journey to maintaining true identity amidst life's roles and societal pressures. Together, we unravel the concept of 'you versus you,' likening our inner turmoil to a relentless boxing match, and champion the act of self-reflection, even through something as simple as a selfie. It's more than just a fight for authenticity; it's a quest to find joy and satisfaction in the person we become when we dare to shed the masks we've grown accustomed to wearing.
Strap in for an exploration of the internal barriers that can cripple personal and professional growth. With insights, we confront the paralyzing fear of failure, challenge the chains of low self-esteem, and discuss the resistance to change that keeps us shackled to stagnation. As we dissect the perils of perfectionism and the weight of external expectations, we illuminate the path to embracing vulnerability and the power of our names. This episode is a clarion call for recognizing our inherent worth, underscored by a stirring poem that echoes the tumult and triumph within each of us. Join us for a raw, transformative conversation that paves the way for healing and a renewed sense of self.
Have you ever stood before a mirror, waging a silent war against the reflection staring back at you? A beacon for women's empowerment, join me to tackle the complexities of self-actualization and the journey to maintaining true identity amidst life's roles and societal pressures. Together, we unravel the concept of 'you versus you,' likening our inner turmoil to a relentless boxing match, and champion the act of self-reflection, even through something as simple as a selfie. It's more than just a fight for authenticity; it's a quest to find joy and satisfaction in the person we become when we dare to shed the masks we've grown accustomed to wearing.
Strap in for an exploration of the internal barriers that can cripple personal and professional growth. With insights, we confront the paralyzing fear of failure, challenge the chains of low self-esteem, and discuss the resistance to change that keeps us shackled to stagnation. As we dissect the perils of perfectionism and the weight of external expectations, we illuminate the path to embracing vulnerability and the power of our names. This episode is a clarion call for recognizing our inherent worth, underscored by a stirring poem that echoes the tumult and triumph within each of us. Join us for a raw, transformative conversation that paves the way for healing and a renewed sense of self.
Speaker 1:
Thank you so much, nora, you all. I am so excited to be back here for this second annual Women's Conference and to be able to share the platform with my amazing Nora, you all. This is not going to be a presentation, a session. This is really just going to be us having a heart chat today. So I just need to know that you all are here, that you all are present, that you all are ready to take your selves to the next level. So I don't know if I can see the chat, but if you can just drop in there that you are ready. So, before we kind of get started, I would like for you to just do something for me. I know that you all have your phones, because each one of us does. I have two sitting here and I would like for you to be able to take your phone out, turn your camera on and take a quick selfie. Just one, just one selfie. Don't try to get at various angles. Don't try to make yourself just one and then close it out. We're going to come back to that in a minute, but I want you to be able to take that because, as we go through this session, as we talk about it's you versus you, you'll begin to understand why that picture is so important.
Speaker 1:
When we think about us just having you versus you, sometimes we have to think about ourselves in a boxing match. You think about them coming into the arena and they're standing there and they're pumped up. Each person is standing in their corner and I'm standing up. You all, if you don't know, I am passionate about what I do, but I am literally visioning myself standing in a boxing ring. One side of the ring is going to be this version of me that you see, but on the other side of that is going to be my opponent. That's going to be those fears that we have, it's going to be those doubts, it's going to be those things that sometimes we don't necessarily deal with, and that is the person that we are fighting each and every day. But what I am passionate about, and what I do on a regular basis, is get us to a place where, when we look ourselves in the mirror, we are happy with the person that we see. But in order for us to be happy with that person that we see, we first have to recognize who that person is that is staring back at us. See, as women sometimes, we sometimes take on all of these different we wear and we take on all of these different things that we just feel like we can do it all. And, as a woman who feels like we can just do it all, sometimes we think that, but then we also realize that, sheesh, did I take time for me today? Am I comfortable with the person that I say that I am when I show up in a room? Am I showing up as who I genuinely am, or am I showing up with this person that I'm wearing a mask? See, most of the time when we feel like that we are burnt out, when we feel like that we are had this facade, when we feel like we are just not ourselves, it's because we aren't. So.
Speaker 1:
We've heard so many presenters today where we're talking about how do we just bridge the gap between our personal lives and our careers. Well, it starts with you. It starts with who you show up to be each and every day when you come into work. It starts with who do you wake up and you say that you are? See, most of the time when we ask ourselves or we have other people to say, well, who are you? We begin to start with all of the titles, we begin to start with all of the accolades, those things that are in the beginning and at the end of the name. But can I just tell you that those things do not make you See, at the beginning of the day, we are a woman, that's it. All of those other things we become, we become wife, we become mom, we become CEOs, we become entrepreneurs. But if you are not genuinely who you are, then all of those other things don't matter.
Speaker 1:
And for me, that was one of the hardest things that I had to realize, and that's why I got into this mindset space is because I had lost me. I was showing up as the mom. I was showing up as the wife. I was showing up as the best friend, I was showing up as this business person. I'm showing up in my career. But at the end of the day I'm sitting back and I'm wondering what happened? How did I get here? Where is my happiness? Where is the joy that I'm supposed to have? And most of the time when we think about those things, it's because we haven't tapped into us.
Speaker 1:
So when Nora talked about the very essence of who we are, it's where are you at your heart center? Where are you when there is no one else in the room? Where are you when you have to be able to quiet your thoughts? Where are you when you're having that internal struggle between the old version of you and this new version of you that you are trying to become? See, that is where the struggle is. That is when we feel like we are in this boxing match and there's no one else there except for us. See, michael Jackson had the song, the person, the man in the mirror, the only other person that you are dealing with is you, when you're thinking about how do I show up in my career. And when we had the breakout session, what was it earlier today?
Speaker 1:
And they were just talking about what are the goals that we have and why is it that we don't go after the positions that we know that we should go after? And one of the individuals she was talking about in my breakout session. She was saying that you feel like you have to be able to check off each and every box when you're applying for a job. Why do we do that? Why do we feel like we have to show up and be this perfect person when there's never any perfection? There's not a perfect person, but can you just show up as who you are? Can you apply for the position because you know that you can do it? Can you stop discounting yourself even before you apply?
Speaker 1:
See again, it's that internal struggle. Most of the time we feel like I don't know if I can do it right now. You know, my home is, I got these little kids or I have all of these other things that I have to be able to do, and now is just not the right time. How many times have you told yourself that now is not the right time? How many times have you made those New Year's resolutions and you tell yourself all of those things that you want to do at the top of the year and by the time the next year rolls around, you're still talking about that same thing that you said that you wanted to do last year. See, I know I can raise my hand and I can be honest about the fact that there have been things that I said that I wanted to do, and then, when I don't do them, it's all of these other external things. Can I just tell you that it's not the external things, it's you. It's you in your own way.
Speaker 1:
You are the person that needs to be able to get out of the way. You are stuck on your self-limitations. You are stuck in the barrier. You are dealing with the self-doubt. You are trying to figure out if you're worth it. You are trying to figure out if I'm valuable enough. You are trying to figure out if you are the asset and can I just tell you that you are. You are an asset. You should be able to walk into any room and own it. You should be able to not be focused on what everyone else's job title is and just show up as you, because at the end of the day, when you take all of those other accolades and those things from the beginning and the end of the name, you're still a human.
Speaker 1:
But if you can't throw your shoulders back and walk into the room and be who you have been called to be, you're always going to feel like that. You're not enough. And it is my desire and it is my hope that, as you are listening to my voice, that something is stirring up on the inside of you to remind you of just who you have been called to be. See, oftentimes we get to a place where it's I don't know should, I shouldn't, I Can. I just tell you that a tiptoe is still movement. See, most of the time we get to a place and we're just we're stuck and I'm looking down at my feet because that's how some of you all feel. You feel like I just can't move out of this place. I'm comfortable here. That's a dangerous place to be in because your comfort zone is never going to give you what it is that you're looking for.
Speaker 1:
They've talked about in this banking industry as a whole what the numbers and the statistics look like for us as women. But how do we change those numbers if we're stuck in this one spot, thinking that we can't apply for that, we're not qualified for that, we can't go after these jobs? Isn't it that they say that women can do better job at certain things than men? I know I can. I can wear a lot of different hats. I can do a lot of different things. I can show up in a room I have on a t-shirt, but I can still show up and do what it is that I need to do without having to wear a suit. But if you're so focused on what someone else is going to think, how did I get here Then there, yeah, it's going to be a problem when you show up in the room. They're going to smell fear.
Speaker 1:
So today I need you to shake yourself off. It's almost like that Etch-a-Sketch that we used to play with. You're drawing and it has the two little knobs, and then you shake it up and you can start all over. I need you to shake yourself up today. I need you to shake yourself up because you are worth it. You can do anything. It is that you set your mind to, but you have to motivate you. Stop waiting on someone else to encourage you. Stop waiting on someone else to get on here and give you a pep talk. You're going to have to pep yourself up. When Nora got on earlier today, I was. I had to get my lighting and all of the stuff right and I hit myself on mute and I just turned on some music. I had to pump myself up. See, when no one else is in the room and there's no one encouraging me, I can encourage myself, and you have to get to that place.
Speaker 1:
So again, when we're talking about trying to stand at the intersection between our personal lives and our careers, it starts with who we are. Don't go at it from a oh, I'm the CEO of, I'm the VP of, I'm the mom, I'm the wife. Those things are amazing. But if you don't first understand you, you can't show up and be a hundred percent at those other things. I had to learn that the hard way. It's almost like they say when you're trying to pour from an empty cup, you can't pour from something that's empty. But how do you feel yourself back up when you first don't understand who you are, when you first don't realize that you matter, when you first don't realize that I can't be the amazing mom that I need to be if I'm burnt out? So let's make sure that we are dealing with us first. Don't look at all of those external things if you first can't face yourself in the mirror and let me just say that that is not an easy task. Being able to sit with you is going to be one of the hardest things that you have to do, if you do it right, because you're going to begin to see that it wasn't all of those external things that needed to be fixed. It was you, it was you, and when we begin to understand that, we will show up differently, we will love differently, meaning in our relationships. We will go after careers differently. We will show up to work differently. They talked about today being able to be mentors to other people. Well, how can you be a mentor if you're burnt out? Now you're trying to pour into someone else and they're going to repeat the same cycle that you're repeating because they're watching you. Let's stop the cycle. Let's make sure that we are okay first.
Speaker 1:
So what are just some of the reasons why we unable to face ourselves, both personally and professionally? One is going to be a fear of failure. The fear of failure can be paralyzing and they give the acronym all the time false evidence appearing real. That's all fear is. Fear is a mindset. Whatever you have made up in your mind is going to be there. It's going to be there. You've already created it. The second thing is going to be low self-esteem. So let's just say that there is the position that you want to apply for and you know that you are qualified for it. Will you begin to talk yourself out of it? Will you begin to say I'm not, I'm not sure if I can show up in this room when it's full of men? You got to dust your shoulders off and put on a cute outfit and some lipstick and show up and be the amazing person that you are, because you have to be that person for you first. The third thing is going to be fear of change. We talked about it already Not wanting to step outside of your comfort zone is going to keep you stuck in your career, in your business, in your personal life.
Speaker 1:
Some of you all have been eating the same things for forever because you're afraid to do something different. Some of you all are in positions that you, someone else, is qualified and is ready to move into that job, but you've been there for a thousand years. You know your job, we get it. Can you move so that someone else who's coming behind you can come into that position? Fear of change let's stop it. Let's get out of that place.
Speaker 1:
The next thing is going to be denial. Some people just deny the fact that I just need to do it. There's no other reason except for you denying the fact that it needs to be done. You'll begin to downplay who you are and your behaviors. You'll begin to think about all of those things that people have said about you, and what is it that they used to say that you only answer to the name that you are. So when people begin to call you names, you don't answer to that. That's not who you are.
Speaker 1:
The fifth thing is going to be a loss of identity. So when we're just talking about who we are, you have to tap into you. First, you have to begin to understand who you are, and so when we understand even just the importance of our names, most people don't even know what their names mean. And so if you were just to take one thing from what I'm talking about today, look at the meaning of your name. For me, keana means God's gracious gift. Okay, my middle name is Talayna a place where treasure is kept. I operate like that every single day because I know, if God's gracious gift, there's nothing that I should be able to fear. I'm a gift. Wherever I go, I'm a gift. When someone gives you a gift, you're excited, right. So that's how I show up in my life that I am a gift. God has called me a gift and a place where treasure is kept. There is nothing that I can't do. There is apps, and the same thing applies to you. Look up your name, see what it means and operate out of that space.
Speaker 1:
The sixth thing is gonna be vulnerability. As women I don't know what it is Sometimes we just feel like we can't be vulnerable with each other. We feel like, well, if I tell them, then they're gonna try to go and do the very thing that I just told them that I was gonna do. And sometimes I get it that they're going to be some people that you just can't share everything with. That's gonna come from a level of discernment. You have to know that you can't share everything with everyone, but you do have to have a select few of people who you can share what's on your heart. You can share what's on your mind, because when you're laying in bed at night and you're tossing and turning and you can't figure out why, it's because your brain can't sleep. You are full of stuff, you are full of ideas, you are full of all of these things. But if you don't have people that you can be vulnerable with, you're like almost like a pressure cooker. So the minute someone says something to you, snap. We have to get to a place where we can find somebody that we can be vulnerable with, and if you don't have people like that, therapists are great. I know I probably get on my therapist's nerve, but it's important for me to have that person. It's important for me to be able to get on there and share what's going on in my mind, share what's going on in my heart, share what is going on in my life, because if I'm not sharing those things, then I'm not showing up as the authentic version of who I'm supposed to be.
Speaker 1:
The seventh thing I think I talked about it earlier is perfectionism. Y'all stop this thinking that you have to be perfect at everything. It's progress, not perfection. You will never be perfect at everything that you are trying to do. Some things you're going to have to do them ugly. Some things you're just going to have to start. I talked about it before being able to tiptoe, being able to launch that business, even if you're not sure, if you have all of the pieces. That means going after that position, even if you're not sure, if you check off all of the boxes Progress, not perfection. You will never do anything if you're waiting for all of the puzzle pieces to be there. It's just not going to happen. It's not going to happen.
Speaker 1:
And the eighth thing is going to be external expectations, the expectations that other people have set for us, the expectations of thinking that you need to be something that you are not. See, the worst thing in the world is to show up in a room and not be who you are. Some people will say, oh, I have to show up to work one way. Oh, I have to show up at home one way. I have to show up at church one way. That is exhausting. So that means you can't remember who you need to be, where you are, be who you are, and if people like you, great. If they don't like you, great, it's okay. You are not for everybody, but show up as who you're supposed to be in every room that you're supposed to be, as you are supposed to be the authentic version of you. And so here are going to be my top three things that we need to do to show up as who we are supposed to be, this authentic version of ourselves, when we show up in this ring and we have our opponent of ourselves standing over in the other corner. These things are simple. Are you all ready?
Speaker 1:
The first thing that you're going to need to do is to stop lying to yourself. Just stop lying to you. Simple, right? We get up in the morning and we lie to ourselves when someone asks how are you today? Oh, I'm great and I'm just absolutely amazing, are you? If you're not, it's okay to say that you're not okay today. If you're feeling some type of way, it's okay to say that. You know what? Today is just not a great day. You don't have to go into why it's not, but you have to begin to be honest with you.
Speaker 1:
The second thing is going to be to stop lying to yourself. I know number one was to stop lying to you and number two is going to be to stop lying to yourself. Same thing Get to a place where you can be honest with you. Get to a place when you are happy with just being. You See, we hear it all the time where people will say oh well, I just need this to make me happy. You're relying on another imperfect person to come into your life to make you happy. You're relying on a career to make you happy. You're relying on your relationships to make you happy. Don't you all realize that people are fickle? People will be one way one time and in five minutes later they've changed. So if your happiness is in the hands of somebody else, that's a dangerous place to be in, the only thing that people should be able to come into your lives. Things should be able to come into your life is to make you happy. That's it. Happiness is a personal job. Number three are you all ready for it? Are you ready? Number one was to stop lying to yourself. Number two was to stop lying to yourself. And guess what? Number three is going to be? Yes, stop lying to yourself. Stop lying to yourself.
Speaker 1:
We just have to be honest with who we are. We have to be honest with where we are. We have to be honest about where it is that we want to go, because if we can't be honest with ourselves, how do we expect to get to that next level? How do we expect to go to those places and achieve those goals and those dreams and those desires that we have? How do we get to our purpose and our passion if we are lying to ourselves? You can't walk in your purpose and lie at the same time. You can't look yourself in the mirror and say that you're great when you have tears rolling down your eyes. No, it's okay to feel the feels, it's okay. If you need to cry, it's okay. But can we get to a place where we are honest with ourselves, because when you show up and you're not honest with you, people can see that, people can feel that, people can hear that, and so I'm hoping that you all understand just how important it is to show up as you.
Speaker 1:
I'm hoping that you all feel the passion that I'm sharing with you all today. I'm hoping that you're realizing that it's great to have all of these accolades and these titles and all of these things, but they don't make you. They are additional pieces to who you already are, which is amazing. You're already awesome. You're already valuable, you're already worth it. You're already. All of these things and those other pieces are just a branch of who you are. So I'm hoping that you take some time today to figure out who are you. Can you sit in front of the mirror long enough and face you and say you know what? I have work to do? But in order for the work to be done, I can't rely on anyone else except for me, because, at the end of the day, if no one else is there, who's going to show up for you? You? You have to be there first. You have to be that person that is going to give you everything that you need first. So I just want to read a quick poem, and it's called is you, verse you.
Speaker 1:
In the silent whispers of your soul's embrace, a tender struggle finds its place. It's you, verse you. In the depths of night, where shadows dance and dreams take flight, our voice speaks of doubt and endless fears, echoes of past, of unshared tears. Yet another whispers hope, a gentle plea to trust in the strength that you cannot see. In every heartbeat, in every sigh, you confront the choice to fall or fly, to cling to darkness or embrace the light, to surrender to fear or stand and fight. You verse you is an intimate affair where love and pain collide and hearts lay there. But within your depths, a truth resides of flame that burns with unwavering pride. So let compassion be your guiding star and let love heal the wounds that scar, for in the tender space of you verse you lies the path to wholeness, pure and true. Thank you all.
