Have you ever felt the frustrating gap between longing for change and actually making it happen? Join me, Keona Ellerbe, as we confront this head-on in the Hearts Hello Show. We'll unravel why there's often a chasm between our deepest desires—like shedding pounds, switching jobs, or building meaningful connections—and the actions we take, or rather, don't take. It's a candid look into the fears that hold us back, the motivational droughts we encounter, and how our priorities sometimes trip us up. Get ready to tackle the tough questions of personal accountability and discover how a full-throttle commitment to your goals can reshape your life and relationships.
Celebrate the small wins with me because every step forward is a victory in the journey of self-improvement. By being our own enthusiastic supporters, we light the fire of motivation that can burn through any obstacle. This episode is not just about talking points; it's about walking the walk toward what we desire, which, in turn, is striving to find us. Let's embark on this transformative odyssey together—sharing vulnerabilities, learning from each other, and spreading an abundance of love. Tune in for an episode that's as much about heart as it is about actionable change right here on The Hearts Hello Show.
Have you ever felt the frustrating gap between longing for change and actually making it happen? Join me, Keona Ellerbe, as we confront this head-on in the Hearts Hello Show. We'll unravel why there's often a chasm between our deepest desires—like shedding pounds, switching jobs, or building meaningful connections—and the actions we take, or rather, don't take. It's a candid look into the fears that hold us back, the motivational droughts we encounter, and how our priorities sometimes trip us up. Get ready to tackle the tough questions of personal accountability and discover how a full-throttle commitment to your goals can reshape your life and relationships.
Celebrate the small wins with me because every step forward is a victory in the journey of self-improvement. By being our own enthusiastic supporters, we light the fire of motivation that can burn through any obstacle. This episode is not just about talking points; it's about walking the walk toward what we desire, which, in turn, is striving to find us. Let's embark on this transformative odyssey together—sharing vulnerabilities, learning from each other, and spreading an abundance of love. Tune in for an episode that's as much about heart as it is about actionable change right here on The Hearts Hello Show.
Speaker 1:
Hey HeartSeekers, welcome to the Hearts Hello Show, where we believe that our hearts are the foundation of our well-being and happiness. I am your host, kiana Talena, in this episode. I have a simple question for you, and the question is going to be are your actions aligning with what you say that you want? See, oftentimes, when I'm having conversations with individuals, they talk about all of the things that they want out of life, all of the things that they're just hoping are going to fall in their lap. But can I ask, what is it that you're doing to move you to what it is that you say that you want? For example, there may be individuals who say, oh well, I want to lose weight. Well, their only action is that they continually eat, but there's no action steps towards well, how is it that I want to go about losing this weight? They'll say, oh, I want to lose the weight. Well, what are your action steps towards that? Is it that you're going to work out three days a week for 30 minutes? Those are actionable steps.
Speaker 1:
Or maybe a person that says you know what, I want to transition my career, but yet you're not taking any steps towards moving into that new career that you want. You're just hoping that it's going to fall in your lap. Or for others, it may just be hey, I want to meet new people, but yet you're in the house all the time. Or I want this relationship, but yet you're still not healed from the old relationship that you just got out of. So see, when I'm talking about us being able to journey through life and us being accountable to the things that we say that we want and also just being in alignment with what it is that we say that we want, we have to be able to make sure that our yearning is matching up with our effort, because most of the time, if we are honest, they don't. And I want to ask you why? Why is it that you have this yearning, this deep desire to want more, do more, be more, but when it comes to you being able to take those steps, then you're stuck. You can't figure out. What is it that I say that I want? But I see it, but I can't get there. And I think sometimes it stems from a couple of things. It's going to stem from your fear of failure. You're trying to figure out well, how is it that I'm going to get there, but the thoughts begin to overtake you. So how is it that the fear can hold you back from giving your best? Or is it just going to be your lack of motivation? Because sometimes I think that you have to understand that there is a difference between wanting something and being motivated to achieve it.
Speaker 1:
So back to what I was saying that individual that may say that they want to lose weight, but yet they're constantly feeding their face and saying that I need to lose this, but you don't want to take the necessary steps in order to get you to where it is. That you say that you want, or you want to be a better reader, but yet you haven't picked up a book. You want to be this better individual, but you have not taken the necessary steps in order to figure out where are those areas in your life that you need to deal with. So the lack of motivation is going to prevent you from being able to get to those next steps, and it can't always be someone there to push you. You have to be motivated enough. You have to have the desire deep enough to say I want this over that. Whatever your over. That is needs to be your motivation.
Speaker 1:
Or is it just your misaligned priorities, because when your desires don't match your actions or your time investment, there's a misalignment. You can't say that, oh, I want to be a doctor, but yet you don't want to go to school. How is that going to happen? There's a misalignment somewhere. So I believe that we have to be able to take some time to figure out what are those root causes. Is it the fear? Is it the lack of motivation? Is it the misalignment of the priorities? Because those are going to be your root causes as to why your yearning versus your effort is not matching up.
Speaker 1:
No-transcript. If it's fear, why, if it's lack of motivation, why? If it's a misalignment with your priorities, why? How is it impacting our personal growth? And that's where most people get stuck. And that's where most people get stuck because when your mindset is stuck in one of those three areas, it's going to stunt your personal growth and lead to your dissatisfaction.
Speaker 1:
You get to a point where I give up. It's just not working. I've been doing all of this and the same thing begins to happen. You begin to tell yourself the opposite of what it is that you want to see in your life. Why? Because you have not dealt with those root causes. You have not dealt with the fact that you need to sit and take time to deal with you. What else becomes impacted by those root causes? So your relationships become impacted how? Because then you have these personal desires more than you are willing to put in. So meaning you want so much from someone else but yet you only want to put in a drop in the hat.
Speaker 1:
How is it that you're expecting someone to be 100% with you but yet you're not willing to give 100%? See, when you hear people say oh well, our relationship is 50-50. So that means you're only giving 50% of yourself in this relationship. Why is it that we don't go into relationships thinking that we need to be able to give 100% of ourselves because we're expecting someone else to give us 100%? We have to start doing better. We have to be more accountable to what it is that we say, what we want. So again, when we're talking about our yearnings versus our effort, it's all in 100, you get a hundred and understanding that each person is not going to be on a hundred each day. But yet if you're showing up giving your hundred, it does not matter if that person is unable to give you a hundred back. You know you did the best that you could See.
Speaker 1:
It's an assignment that they give in therapy and I absolutely love it and they'll tell you, especially if you're looking to bring someone into your life, you're looking for a new relationship and they'll tell you to write down all of those desires that you have for this person that you want to show up in your life. And you go gung-ho, you're writing down all of these things how you want this person to be, how you want them to look, the characteristics, all of these things that you want for them to have and then you go back to the therapist and you've shared your list with them and the therapist comes back to you and tell and lets you know that you need to become that list. See again, when we're talking about being accountable to ourselves and talking about the effort that we want, you want a thousand things off of the off of this list. Are you those things? Are you even the things that you say that you want things? Are you even the things that you say that you want?
Speaker 1:
So, if you're looking for consistency, are you a consistent person? If you're looking for intentionality, are you intentional? You're wanting honesty and truthfulness and vulnerability and loving and caring, are you those things? And it just rolls over into every aspect of our lives. So, again, you're yearning versus your effort. And do they align?
Speaker 1:
Because if there is a misalignment somewhere, it will begin to show up, and that's when you begin to see the stagnation, that's when you begin to get frustrated, that's when you begin to say you know what? I don't want to do this anymore. But can you be accountable to you? Can you recognize where your areas of weakness are and then begin to work on them? You don't have to be perfect, and I say this all the time. It's progress, not perfection. Our goal each and every day is to get a little better. Our goal each and every day should be to show up as the authentic version of ourselves is to be the best version of ourselves that we can be for not just ourselves, but for other people around us. See again when we're talking about those root causes, and now we're talking about the impact that it has when we don't deal with those root causes. There's work that needs to be done. So the impact is on our personal growth, the impact is on our relationships. The impact is also just on our professional life.
Speaker 1:
See, when you begin to have career stagnation and you're thinking about all of your missed opportunities. It can be due to your insufficient effort. You're wanting to go higher in your career. Well, were there some degrees that you needed to obtain? Were there some certificates that you may needed to have got? Were there some things that you needed to do in order for you to get to that next level? And if the answer to that is yes, then you can't blame anyone else for where you are, except for you, because you're wanting more out of your life, but yet you're not willing to put more into it.
Speaker 1:
So today, I need you to be able to shift your mindset, because not only are you going to have to deal with those root issues, you're going to have to look at the impact that it's going to have. And then you're going to have to look at the impact that it's going to have, and then you're going to have to make a shift in your mindset. That shift in your mindset is going to cause you to do some self-reflecting, because now you're going to have to have a true conversation with you to figure out if what it is that you're doing, what is the reflection that it has on your desires, on your own desires and the efforts. Do they match? And if they don't, you have work to do.
Speaker 1:
You're going to have to be able to set those realistic goals, because being able to have achievable goals will help you to align with your willingness to put in the effort. You know how much you can put out based on how much you currently have. If you're already at your max and what it is that you're looking for is causing you, or needing you, to give 100, and all you have is 20, you're going to be burnt out. So take a look at what's already on your plate and be able to set those realistic goals. And in being able to set those realistic goals, you're now building habits, because the tips for you to develop those habits are going to be in your consistent effort towards your goals.
Speaker 1:
You're going to have to do something different. You're going to have to be a different version of you in order to get the things that you say that you want. You cannot continue to show up in the same space expecting a different result. I believe they call that the definition of insanity Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. So now that we have begun to shift our mindset. It's going to give us the ability to have the steps that we need in order to align our efforts with our desires. So we have these goals, we have these habits. We're doing the self-reflection. So now what do we do? Prioritize. Prioritize your efforts to match your goals. What is the action plan? Create the steps to bridge the gap between your desires and your efforts to match your goals. What is the action plan? Create the steps to bridge the gap between your desires and your efforts. And then also get some accountability and, on top of you just being accountable to you, get some partners around you and systems in place to help you stay on track.
Speaker 1:
If that means putting a sticky on your laptop wherever it is that you are, wherever you spend the majority of your time, make sure that there is something that's checking you throughout the day. Put a tickler in your phone. If you're sitting in your office, again, you have the sticky up. Put something on the door, put something on the mirror, put something up that is going to cause you to be accountable. See, one of the things that I past this every time before I got to the bathroom, and so that was my reminder that I needed to do my pushups and in order for me to take that mat up at the end of the day, I had to make sure that they were all done. So if, at the end of the day, that mat was still there, it was my reminder that I had not completed my task. See, this was something that I wanted for me, not anything that anyone else wanted me to be able to do, but I needed to be accountable to me.
Speaker 1:
It sometimes just starts with something small. It sometimes just starts with something small. Hey, if you're a person that doesn't drink enough water, I don't know, buy a bigger jug that is filled with water and shows you how much water you've had throughout the day, and so, until it's gone, you know that you haven't had enough. It has to start with some of those small things. So, again, we have to build in these practical steps in order to align our efforts with our desires, and I'm excited about this, because I feel like there are so many people who are stuck in spaces, not because they don't have the goals and the desires, they just don't have the steps.
Speaker 1:
There's not anyone else that is going to push you harder than you need to push yourself, because if you are so reliant on everyone else to be your cheerleader. When those cheers stop, you're always going to be stuck in that same spot, hoping that someone is going to come pat you on your back, clap for you, and all of those things are great. But can I just admonish you today to be that for yourself. And so what that means is, when you have done what it is that you said that you have done, celebrate yourself. Celebrate your small wins. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant, but when you're setting those goals, set what you're going to get at the end. So if it's hey, you're going to be able to lose weight once you hit, whatever that mark is then is going out to I don't know, a self-care day, going to get some new clothes, whatever that is, whatever makes you feel like you have won. Do that for you.
Speaker 1:
And so I'm excited you all, I'm excited that we are going and getting to a place where we can move from just this, having this desire, to actually having the effort and aligning the two, because we need to get to a place where we are moving. Get to a place where we are moving. We are not sitting in the same spot again next year with the same dreams, desires, trying to figure out why we're still here. We have work to do and when you realize that it's that action that is going to move you from one place to the next. Hopefully, this episode will be a light To get you to where it is that you want to go. But I promise you that in order for you to get to that place, you're going to have to make a difference in you. You're going to have to change something in you. It starts with you.
Speaker 1:
So I'm excited you all. I'm excited that we are moving from a place of stagnation. I'm excited that we are aligning our desires with our efforts so that we can get all that we want out of life, because I promise you that what you want wants you more. I'll say that again what you want wants you more. So I just want to thank you for joining me for another adventure of the Hearts Hello Show, where together, we embrace vulnerability, we learn from each other and we spread love. One heartfelt hello at a time.