17 - Decision Making | The Sleepy Sisters Podcast

Sometimes it feels like all of life is about decision making, so why do they feel so tricky? We're talking about all the things that come up when we need to make decisions and how to approach them with a somatic framework. 

Sleepy Sisters podcast is hosted by Elizabeth Brink and Sarah Durham. This show is unedited and often unprepared for, so we hope you enjoy our resistance to perfection!
www.thrivingsistercoaching.com
www.kattywhompous.com

Transcript

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Here we are again, the sleepy sisters. I actually am sleepy today. I am too. I've been yawning. I was at the bus stop with with little and I was like, ooh. Five seconds and I was like, sorry, Paris. Just feels so tired today. I do too. I wonder if, if it's like, if there's something happening with planets or something, I know why I'm tired. Oh okay, I'm tired because the other sister and I went to, oh yeah, spring's place yesterday, right? That had it makes me want to yawn, just describing so it's a place that just opened up a little while ago. They have saunas, they have a cold plunge. They have mineral like tubs that are hot and warm and all these different things. And I did my first cold plunge yesterday. How was sure I cursed really loud, but I don't think anyone really cared. But I was I had to. It was okay. It was obviously cold, but I feel like it was bearable. And listen, I have a pretty high pain tolerance. I mean, I've had some stuff I cuss because it obviously, it's has a moment of not being bearable. But then, like, as I got into it, like, within a few seconds, I was like, Okay, if I had the right mental headspace at this point to do this, I could, and I didn't. It was like, the last thing that we did. And so I think I was already like, but I did feel good afterwards, and the sauna felt really good. Oh, I hate saunas, but there's so much stuff around how good they are for you, I know. But, like, I spend my whole life trying to avoid being sweaty. I know I was in there. I was like, Elizabeth, like, it's it's hard to breathe. It's hard to breathe. I'm having a hard time just thinking about it. I'm like, but back in a few minutes, like, there is this weird feeling that kind of comes over. You're like, Okay, I think I would do better not with a sister in the tank with me, because I want to talk, and it's really laborious trying to talk and sit in like 170 degrees. Oh yeah. I was like, you know, asking maybe, and she normally goes on her own. And I thought, yeah, if I was alone and kind of in that meditative state, I think it would have been, like, I could have done better with it. I just had a friend this morning asked me if I would be interested in trying cryotherapy. It's like a cold plunge without the water. You know, I've heard of it. I've never I was like, I'm I'm into it, yeah, I'll try it. Yeah, okay, I'll do the cold plunge. I'm not doing that. Yeah. I was like, cold. Sounds fantastic, but, but she was also saying, I don't really like the sauna part. And I was like, no, why? Why would you want to sweat? I am, like, almost always a little sweaty. Yeah. You're like, I live in a sauna. And I will say, when I go my walks here in Texas, you know, in the summer, I kind of get the sauna experience. Yeah, I would do it again. I would do it again. But anyway, it made me really sleepy. But at the same time, I stayed up past my bedtime. Yeah, and being, you know, a little older these days, if I hit past, you know, the nine o'clock, 915 mark, it's just, I don't I sleep my best on the front end of the night. So, yeah, just was a little more wonky. But wow, first world problems over here. Well, interesting. Okay, we're gonna talk about decision making. Oh yeah, I want to say first, before we get into this, that we could actually do 20 episodes on decisions. Probably yes. So we're not going to, we're not doing that. And so just, you know, nuance. I don't know what part we're going to talk about. We haven't decided yet, but yeah, right, because we don't prepare for this, and we're not editing it. So what you hear is what you get. Okay, so decision making. I put this on the list of topic ideas for a reason, and then I forgot what the reason was. So what I do know is that decision making comes up in coaching a lot. And I was thinking just before we got on here, I was thinking about like I have periods of time in my life where I feel like all of living is making decisions, and at the same time, making decisions feels so tricky, and it's like you would think we're so i. Become accustomed to making decisions because we have to make them all the time. That it's interesting that when faced with certain ones or in circum certain circumstances, it suddenly becomes this thing that we feel like really unskilled at. I read something that said we make like, 30 something 1000 decisions a day a day. And I thought, I don't, I would actively work against that actually sounds like you're living a terrible life. Yeah, no, that would be why I dissociate and play two dots. I'm not looking to make that many decisions a day. Okay, please. Why are that two dots? Is decisions? Oh, yeah, it is. Maybe I do make 50,000 decisions a day. Hang it, but they're not good one, but maybe it's like, turn left, turn right. You know, which arm Am I gonna use? I'm not really sure, because they're so honest. Like, what are they counting? I know. And then I saw something about you make 70 solid, like, good decisions a day, like, you know, noteworthy or noteworthy, more sense, right? Still, sounds like a lot, but 70, well, I do know that it probably depends on how many people are in your sphere of influence or care, if you're having to care for others, for sure, yeah, because I definitely feel like, by the time my work day starts, my second work day, I've already, like, lived a life. Oh my gosh. My husband gets up at okay, on the weekend. Let's just give it like a Saturday example, he will sleep in till like nine o'clock, which, to me, is like amazing, like noon, right? How can he goes to bed late? He's a night owl, right? Okay, that sounds like by nine o'clock in the morning. Okay? I literally have lived a lifetime. I mean, I have done so much that when he gets up, it's, he's like, you know, yawning, whatever. And I'm thinking, like, chop, chop. Like, what's like? It's like, it's the next day. Yeah, I mean, it's like, here's the agenda. But then at the same time, by five o'clock at night, my eyes are droopy. Six o'clock and I'm like, is it too early for me to go lay in the bed, you know, but I am. I do work better in the morning, but, yeah, I mean, I'm the same with you. By the time I start with clients, getting the kids ready for school, getting myself ready, you know, doing all the little self care things I do in the morning, all of that. Yeah, yeah. Well, a lot of those decisions are front loaded. Yeah, I think about some of the challenges that I've heard people bring up in relationship to decision making and like their approaches to it, like, I know people that they will wait until there are fewer and fewer options available until they make a decision, and sometimes they'll wait until there is literally only one option. So they, they, I think in some sense, might think that they are keeping themselves from making a decision because they just wait until like, Oh, this is the only thing left that's possible, but that is still kind of a decision that's made. It is, it is, yeah. And then people who make quick decisions, I would consider myself in that category. I actually like making decisions. I've said this before about myself, and I'm now just saying it and testing. Is that true? I do. I feel like I can be a very decisive person, and I like the feeling of deciding. That's cool, I you know, and I could say that about you, because I do think that the I think the more I see someone really being the exercise that freedom of decision making, there is like this correlation or thing of being someone who is open to Looking at it more as experimentation and being curious and open and that, like when you give yourself permission in life to pivot or to repair or to do all of the things that are on the other side of decision, a lot you're more practiced in that. I think there is a lot more freedom. And I think that you are someone who is like that. And kind of will roll with it, you know. And maybe you develop that because you were more impulsive when you were younger, and so it was like, Well, I better learn how to, like, you know, right, the ship and, you know, my own messes, yeah, but does that, yeah? It's so interesting because I. Had not thought about that, like on the other side of decisions impacting the relationship to the decision itself, that like, oh, well, am I really willing to risk this not going well? Am I willing to risk needing to do something different or needing to fix it? And I definitely think that stuff through. I think I am less impulsive in that I think of impulsivity as like doing a thing, but not actually thinking about it, just taking action. And I definitely have those tendencies, and certainly have in the past, but I think I now would say that I I think about decisions. I can make quick decisions, but the thinking happens. It's just quick, yeah, yeah, where I can, like, play out the potential scenario and the potential outcomes and be like, Okay, this is the one I'm most and some of that's the giftedness. I mean, the patterns, the kind of the interconnection of like, the scenario, the context, and being able to do that in a like, swifter manner with your experience, is some of that. And then being able to take charge of that, make the decision. And then I think, coupled with your trauma, no, your self compassion, I would say that you've worked on over the last several years of, um, you know, the world's not going to swallow me up. Yeah, I may be uncomfortable and all, but I'm going to be okay. And, you know, I there's, like, all of these rules about decision making. And I've always said, I don't even know where I got this from, it's but I've always said that, if you can be like, 60, 70% sure, like you should just go for it, right? No, the people that are waiting to be 100% or whatever, and I actually had read a while ago that there is a rule, I guess, that around 7040, to 70% is when you're supposed to make a decision, that if you actually even wait till 90% you're so stressed and fatigued at that point, it slows you down. And chances are you may not make a decision, or you'll, Oh, interesting. So that there is, like, that self trust piece, right? Supposed to plug in the rest of the percentage. There's a lot in that percentage, right? That people, yes, really struggle with, well, yeah, and I was thinking about, like the somatic piece of it too, like in the last, oh, guess, I guess six years now, doing a lot of work to kind of befriend my nervous system and my body and my brain all these things, and trying to like integrate things a little bit more has led to a little bit less tension in decisions, because I think I have a better sense of what yes and no feels Like, and now I'm remembering that we had the episode where we talked about like that internal No, I think the more that you get to know what that feels like in your body, the easier decisions get. Even if the actual decision itself is unpleasant or hard, it is easier to move into that kind of hard when you know what certainty feels like internally. Yeah, I agree. I agree. I think one of the biggest things I noticed the pattern with people like clients that have trouble making decisions, is that a lot of times underneath it is that there's a lot of awareness around what decision needs to be made, the time frame, the logistics, but there's not a ton of awareness around really, what's getting in the way, like, what information don't I have? There's a lot of assumptions on, like, the the surface level of I don't understand why I can't make this decision, and, you know, I know I need to do this, or I need to do that, or whatever. I know I have this amount of information, but there might be one small piece or one hard conversation that they haven't tapped into, that awareness that their body is responding to that's like we're in danger girl making this decision. And it's just so interesting to watch clients unravel that and realize, oh, there is this one piece I have to actually talk to my ex about. This one thing. Or I have to make a call. And the only way to do it is I have to make a call, you know? I mean, it's just little things that, and when they realize that, and they build that kind of awareness, it's, it's usually not, what information do I need to make the decision. It's like, what's the important pieces that I don't have to make the decision, yeah. And, like, what? What are the barriers here? Right, right, what's in my way? And, and being, like, able to kind of actually zoom out and scan for what's in the way and think a little bit more about all the layers of what could be in the way, like a resistance to making phone calls or whatever, like, that's like a very common well, and I think working with you so much on the nervous system stuff for the last few years, you know, it's a real thing to be in high activation and to have the expectation that you can make A logical decision when you're in survival or threat. And, I mean, you can make decisions from those places, but there's it's usually not you know end up. It doesn't end up being what you want, or it doesn't feel right. It's not matching your intuition. Well, it's hard, because those places in our in our experience, aren't meant to include critical thinking exactly they're meant to be about survival. And I think the hard part is that so many people are living in a constant state of stress or threat, and so then, then we see patterns of burnout, right? Because like, oh, I have to make decisions. Even though I'm in this state of I can't really make a decision, and I'm forcing my brain and my whole body and system to kind of push and come online to problem solve or work it out or do a thing, and at some point, the body can't, yeah, because if you think about making a decision, there are so many layers that you have to be able to prioritize, plan, know what the outcome? I mean, there's so many different parts. And so, like, I think we talked about last time, I think we talked about this with big transitions. But you know, one of the things when someone around you that you you know that's in your sphere, is having trouble making decisions, is that they can borrow your executive function. And obviously that doesn't mean, oh, I'm making the decision for them, but you can help them get it from their head, the spider web right out onto paper or something to where they can find a track of thought, and like, catch it and like, be able to track it on something outside of their head. Because, especially with neurodivergent folks, you know, the spider web is just like going in, a lot different. And part of that too, sometimes I know for myself is when sometimes I am stressed and I need to make a big decision or whatever I I know I have to get it out of my head, but I also know me, and I know all of the layers that go into a decision, and I might be able to know what I want the outcome, but I don't know how to necessarily break down the steps in that moment because I'm stressed or prioritized or whatever. There's like, some part that sometimes we can get with a coach or a friend or a partner or whatever where it's like, sit down with me, I need to make this big decision. I kind of know what I want, or I don't know what I want, and you can just take one of those pieces out, you know, like, and help kind of process one part of that executive function for them. So, you know, sometimes when we say borrow executive function, we don't mean like, do the thing, like, make them, but more like, what part can I participate in to kind of support you? Yeah? Like, can I guide and help? Like, like, with one foot in front of the other? Yeah? Like, with, with younger people, a lot of times it's about just breaking down steps, because they don't have a lot of practice doing that. Oh, it's for me too, yeah, doing this project in the basement, or trying to make it quasi livable space. And it's an unfinished basement, so it's, you know? Well, not everybody knows what basements are like. But anyway, ours is unfinished, and so it's concrete floor and walls and whatever. And we went down there last weekend to start on this next phase of things. And there we had had some work done down there, so stuff is really dusty, and there's just a lot of bugs in basements. Yeah. I know Sarah's making a face, yeah, so there, and I just like, have a thing, right? Like, I just dirty and buggy. And I'm like, Oh, these are two no's in my body. And so we're down there, and I just am feeling all this constriction in my body of just like, almost like a Freezy feeling, just like I don't know where to start. I don't know how to help. Because I have a huge No, a huge don't want to and I also have an intellectual Yes, I know where we're going. I do want to get there, and I want to help. And so anyway, I'm standing there, and Corey just looks at me, and he's like, there's some gloves right there, if you want to use those. And I was like, I think this is actually before we even went downstairs. I was just envisioning the space, and there were gloves, some of his work gloves, and he's like, you can wear those. And I was like, that's a good idea. And I felt like a little release. And then the the night before, I had burned the handle on a kitchen pan, and it smelled really, really bad, like had neoprene or something on it. And so we had gotten masks out, because me and one of the kids was like, really having a problem with the smell of the burning was and so I had a mask sitting there in front of me. So he's like, here, there's these gloves. And then I and then it got my brain loosened up, and I was like, Oh, I'm gonna wear a mask. And I felt like, I can go downstairs now. And so we went downstairs and we worked, and it was hard. I didn't like it, and also I was really glad that we did it. But I think, you know, for me, sometimes I have moments, especially with Corey, where there is a thing that needs to get accomplished, and I have so many barriers internally that it, I think historically, it's just felt easier to just be like, I don't feel like doing that right now. I don't want to do that, or I don't really feel good, or I have plans, or whatever stomach hurts, which could be legitimate in that moment, because my whole nervous system and body are like, screeching to a halt, like, don't make me do it. And the more I've gotten to know what that feels like, the more I've been able to kind of partner with it. But what's been awesome is that he could see it happening, like he could see that I was stuck physically and didn't say, like, I can see you don't want to do this? Like, he knows I don't want to touch the dirty stuff. I already told him that. And so it was like, oh, okay, let me just see if I can, like, make an offer. That's that borrowing the executive function, just like, here's a thing right nearby. Do you need a drink of water there? Here's water, right? Oh, yeah, maybe that would help break up a little bit of that Freezy kind of feeling when you're in the midst of trying to, like, make a decision, right? And I think the other piece of this is around like people who just, like, somatically, get stuck because of fear, because of uncertainty, because of the discomfort of not knowing, right? And we've talked about this a lot like how difficult it is to tolerate the discomfort of not knowing and to even feel like your capacity for that can grow. And I think in a lot of ways, doing these like little exercises where you're noticing, like, where am I having resistance to making decisions that feel like they should be easy. I've categorized them as they should be easy. Okay, let's start there, and just notice what your body is doing in response to that decision, and rather than thinking about the decision in front of you, of like, what are we going to have for dinner tonight, maybe just tune in to noticing what's happening inside of me right now as this decision is in front of me. Because sometimes I think we focus on the decision itself, and we start churning, and then panic sets in around I need to make this decision, and I can't. And now self judgment, negative thoughts. It just like piles on right and you've introduced tons and tons of constriction into your actual muscles and your body, which makes it really hard to think. I think my number you say my number one, I think block as far as making decisions is my brain is the excitability piece with the most of my Freezy moments are around creatives when I'm doing my drawing and my writing or draft. Up a presentation or something like that, where I am always, always concerned about how many spoons I'm going to spend, and is it worth it? Because I'm already looking at the labor of like, the whole picture of like, my day in my life with my little neurodivergent children and all that other stuff. And I know historically how I've shown up when I'm maxed out. It's not great, and that's some work I need to do, because I've come a long way since then. But that kind of comes up that like old kind of story sometimes, and I will get Freezy on allowing myself to hyper focus, allowing myself and then if I do, it's like, is this worth the time? And so all of the sudden I'll have, like, this day where I've, like, set this aside to to do these things, and I'll find myself just like sitting there playing two dots or watching something. And what I've been doing lately is, all I've been thinking about is Elizabeth, your voice saying, How can you disrupt the pattern? So what I decided to do the like in the last like week or so, because I've had, I've specifically set aside these days or chunks of time to work on my writing and to work on art and stuff like that, or to work on, like, even my dubsado platform, like I did, I was so proud of myself. Is I am like, How can I disrupt the pattern? I change locations when I did it and I had the TV on, but instead of having it like on my iPad and trying to do on the computer, I take my iPad, which is where I mostly do my drawing and stuff like that, and put it on the big TV, and I'm not even really watching it, but there's like, the little teenager me who's like, I can't I'm watching the show I want to watch, but I'm not really watching it. But like, I'm also like, if I'm on my iPad, obviously I can't do my art, right? So I'm like, you've got to stop watching anything on your iPad. It's off limits. No more watching anything on your iPad. So I've changed locations and done that, and I have done something every day for some amount of time in that space, and I've allowed it to be small, because I'm like, We're disrupting a pattern. We're changing like, this story of like, you showing up at your desk, which you love, and it's all cozy for clients. But when you go to do this other thing, you know what? You're not really showing up for that, it's like, I'm here. I'm doing it one way. So, so far, it's working. That's awesome. It is awesome. But I think that that is, like, kind of My new motto right now with around my self awareness patterns is, I know this about myself, because one of the things clients say, I say this everyone I know it's like, Why do I keep doing the same thing over and over, but then, like, I'm setting up life and situations in the same way, because that's what my brain wants, you know, whatever. And I'm just like, How can I disrupt the pattern, which feels so safe to me, because it feels like a micro step, you know? Yeah, because what you're wanting to do is disrupt the pattern as far away from the actual, like pivotal point in the pattern as possible. So you're not wanting to disrupt the pattern of, how do I when I'm in the middle of being zoned out and watching a show and playing two dots, how do I make myself stop that's not going to work. You're saying, How do I disrupt the pattern? Can I even know what the pattern is long before that happens, so that the pattern's disrupted way earlier on before it's like, stronger, right? And and then just experimenting with it and seeing, like, does this make it easier for me to make decisions about what I'm doing with my time? Yeah, and the other thing is, is, if I have to do on my big computer, I am before I get I've decided that before I get to the time the that I've allotted for that in the morning, I'm writing down just a couple of mini goals that feel like really doable, like with debsada, which is, which is like a CRM or whatever, which is like just a client, honestly, system. I lately, when I've been looking at working out, I'm like, this isn't that complicated, but I had made it a monster in my mind. And so do, yes, but I'm just doing little parts at a time and and allowing myself, giving myself permission to do that. And realizing, even though I knew this intellectually, but like in my body, realizing, wow, when I look back at my week and I've made all of these steps and progress towards it, even if it's not done, there is a feeling and a momentum in there of like, okay, I am making progress more than if I sit with that more, all or nothing, thinking like, I would just want to get the whole thing done in two days. Done in two days. I that hasn't worked for a year, right? So I don't know, yay me patting myself on the back, and I'm just proud of that so and another thing around big transitions too, was talking to the eldest this morning and reminding him, like, how can you disrupt? You know, the pattern of, like, this is kind of, he's kind of in his little like pattern. And I left him with that I didn't, like, suggest anything, but I don't, that's my nugget for the week, I guess. Yeah, I love it. And I think it's, it's helpful to bring that in and thinking about decision making, because I do think that a lot of us are stuck in patterns around how we approach decisions. Yes, you know, and like the clients that I've had, tell me, I just wait until the options aren't there, and I don't want to do it like that anymore. I'm missing opportunities when I do that. And it's like, okay, it's, it's not as simple as, like, Okay, we'll just stop doing that. Make the decision sooner. It's like, there's so much more happening in your body that you could be approaching that would help soften that, right? And that, like, over time you would notice, oh, I'm not waiting until there's only one option left. I'm waiting until there's two options left. Like, that's improvement, yeah, the how you make decisions is that your own process is no joke. I mean, so many times I have college students or young adults don't know how to make decisions? Well, yeah, because your processes change, it's going to look different when you're in high school and you're under your parents roof, how you make decisions, and then now you have this, like, exponentially more autonomy, and all these other different things and different types of constraints, like understanding your process is a big deal. I will say one of the biggest sources of tension at my house is on the nights I've decided tonight's gonna be night we're gonna eat something out is, well, well, besides the fact that my kids don't like anything to eat, this should be the easy thing, right? I'm not cooking. Joshua's not cooking. We get to pick some place fun to eat and blah. Well, for so long, I showed up to that process the same way and beat my head against the wall every single time. What do you guys want to eat tonight? What? What this is like parenting 101, I'm asking them, yeah, well, I don't. I want the new part. They're older now, so yeah, you know, I want them to they also have, like, sensory stuff, so I want to include them in it. But it was not working. They would end up I want this. I want that they're thinking very one track mind, the first thing pops up in their head that sounds good to them. And so we it was getting to the point where I was like, I'm not going to ask. I told Josh, I'm not going to ask them about eating out anymore, because the whole point is to take labor off the two of us so we're not cooking, and this is more labor. And then it's like, whatever. So this is y'all, I'm not gonna like this is win any awards for this. This is really basic. All we did was now we asked them each, individually, separate from each other, the top three things they would really be excited or feel good about eating tonight. And then we go and we look at kind of the matchup of like, okay, so you set a chicken place, they set a different chicken place. Usually they'll match up on the chicken place or whatever. But instead of, like, the one thing, I mean, I was setting myself up for failure every time, but I just kept showing up and doing it the same way. Yeah, yeah. And I don't even know what made me change my mind. I mean, Joshua and I just started doing it. I don't remember the conversation, but just examining those things, of like, where is their tension every time, and is it the decision, or is it the process? Yeah, yeah. And, and how you're showing up in the process, or how the other people involved are showing up and realizing, I mean, we, a long time ago, stopped making dinner with the kids in mind, yeah, yeah, because we just weren't eating anything we were enjoying. And it was like, You know what? They are not going to eat, what we eat, and we're going to offer it, and if they. Like it and want it great. There are very few things we make that they like, that we're making for us. And so I think also just kind of like resolving myself to there are even times where we order out for us and I am still making them dinner. Yeah, then I am like saying, not asking them what they want for the most part. And there's like, five things we're picking from, and it's everybody's happy, everybody's fed, and everybody's happy. And, yeah, we had this conversation this morning, because it's a Friday, and it was like, What are we going to eat for dinner? I hate this conversation. I hate it if I never had to decide on a meal again. I mean, I want to decide, because I want to eat, what I want to eat. But like, if I for me, I want to decide labor of dinner is so I feel like this about every meal. But I, I, I was like, Well, I'm thinking, I want Thai food. Sounds good, but pizza sounds easy, because if we get Thai food, they might eat it. We might have to make them something separate. If we get pizza, they will eat it. But it doesn't sound that good to me. It's just like, yeah, so I'm not going to make a decision. I'll talk to you later. It was like, you know, I still have, I have to decide what I really want. Yeah, and like, right? It's prioritizing. I do you want the yummiest thing, or do you want the least labor? You have to make a choice between those two things. It's not Thai or pizza. It's like, do I make a second second dinner, or do I really get my sensory delight satisfied? That's totally it. Yeah. Like a really terrible decision. Yeah, sometimes I will say that Joshua would never do this, but I do this often. I would say often, but every once in a while, I just can't eat raising canes one more time, I just can do it. And there's a sandwich shop over there. It's like, right next door. And so I just get myself what I want, and I just go pick up the curbside what they want. And he's like, that's too much work. I'm like, it's actually, I'm totally fine with it. It's right next door. It's really, like, it's two extra steps or whatever, and I get something I really want to eat. You know, I'm not gonna drive all over the city. I think that's awesome. That is one of the gifts of living in a super convenient we don't have that here, but, I think, but, but having that sense of like I'm making a decision about a meal, and it's getting complicated, because we all have complicated eating habits and preferences. And the other night I did that where I basically, like, the kids had leftover chili. It's one of the few things they like, I cannot really have chili right now, and so and Corey can make his own meal. So I was like, Okay, there's leftover chili. I made the kids a plate, and I was like, I can't eat chili, nor do it, does it sound good? And I made myself eggs and toast and like, I mean, sometimes I love breakfast, me too. Sometimes I do feel like a short order cook. And I know there's all these parents out there, like, you know, listen, Joshua cooks for him, and I most days of the week. And weird, same thing. We're not really keeping them in mind. There's a couple of things that like Sam will really like, or Nora might eat a little bit of, but for the most part, they have something separate. We have staples and things here that like, you know, they'll want to eat, you know, like, Sam's on a breakfast burrito kick right now, with eggs and bacon and cheese. I'm like, fine, whatever could eat that every day, great. And, you know, I really had to kind of come to terms with some of that, of like, you know, I make it easy on myself, but there is going to be separate dinners. There's going to be a different and I know some people like you just put it in front of them and eat it, not my kids. Well, with that, we had that conversation this week, and I think that is one of the decisions that I have made about my parenting. Yeah, me too, that I am not going to require my kids to eat what's put in front of them that was required of me, and I just, like, for the most part, it was fine, but it just doesn't feel good to me. Yeah, I dabble in, like, okay, these are the areas in which, like, I know they'll always eat a grilled burger, yeah, or something along those lines, and I will just not ask them and just cook it. And if they don't want to eat it, like they know, options of what they can make for themselves, or there's, like, other things, it's not going to be the same quality of meal, I'll be honest. Like, I'm not going to, like, make a second amazing meal or whatever. Or Josh was not but. But, um, my Well, my kids, I speak for them. School is a lot, and I'm just not going to add that onto their little brains when they come home and it's a battle that just doesn't feel worth it knowing them, yeah, well, you know, and knowing that, like, I have kids who just won't eat right, or won't eat enough, like maybe, like Nora would eat a piece of fruit or whatever, but I just it feels, and I'm not dogging anyone does this, because for every time I say this, I will have someone who says, Oh, my, not me. I just put everything out there. My kids will eat it. And if you just do that, I'm like, I'm telling you right now, and this is not anything expert advice or not, but I'm telling you they probably would have eaten it anyway. They're just not Oh, yeah. Like, that's never worked with my kids. Yeah. Tried that from the time they were very little. Yes, we're giving them Indian food and Thai food and all kinds of different cuisine. And they, for the most part, they will try stuff, but no, they do not eat anything that's put in front of them. And I will say, the more, especially my middle is taxed and stressed. The more it comes out in his food choices, the smaller his menu gets. So, you know, he's got other like, sensory stuff there. That's a little more, I guess, acute. So, yeah, I feel that too. I mean, yeah, I'm gonna be honest. I've been eating cereal for lunch for like, two or three weeks now, all this back to school and back to work. It's great. I don't feel bad about as I love it, some frosted mini wheat knots offs or whatever from Aldi. It's good. It's going like, I don't care, yeah, and I think releasing a lot of that, and to me, what I'm just thinking of with the kids having the ability to like, not eat what's put in front of them is a privilege. It is not something that happens in most of the rest of the world, for sure, and there is this space to say this is part of what it looks like when your kids are being given the tools to know if they want something or not, or if they like something or not, which is some of the building blocks of them being good decision makers for themselves all along the way and down the line. And it it feels hard in the moment to reconcile that, but I do believe that for most of us who struggle with making decisions. It started very young, and it started with a lot of feedback that shaped how we interact with choice and how we interact with making decisions. And yeah, I just, I mean, why do you think there's all these memes about the boyfriend asking the girlfriend what she wants to eat, and she's like, I don't care. I don't whatever. There's always, you know? I mean, people are always making that into a joke. Well, I mean, if we want to go too, you know, deep, it's like, okay, well, guess what? Women are silenced from very young age about having really strong opinions about things, right? And the decisions they make around food and all these other things and and socially is watched and micromanaged and judged. And so it's like ask, it's a loaded Yes, a 16 year old girl what she wants to eat on a date? Guess what it's that's a loaded question. I mean, it is for a lot of girls, because they are Yeah, unless she's been in an environment where she's been encouraged to pick what she likes and what she actually wants. And, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. We talked a lot about meals. Hopefully it was a helpful little petri dish of some of how the like real life in the moment, decision making, stuff, I think comes to play. It's not always just like these big, huge decisions, which is a whole other topic around what is your decision making process? How do you approach things? What you know, there's all kinds of methods and stuff, but, oh yeah, it's important to acknowledge that decision making is hard. We're required to do it a lot, and it's okay to acknowledge that you have some fatigue from it, and that in certain seasons, especially in big transitions, decisions feel harder, even simple ones, and all the stress and all the self condemnation over why can't I make a decision? Or what's the is adding to the it's not making it easier to make the decision. Noticing that the decision is feeling hard, and just letting it feel hard for a minute might be part of what helps you loosen it up. Yeah, yeah. I have more to say. But I don't think I'm gonna Okay, but just because, I mean, you know, get off on a tangent because we're tired. And yeah, okay, all right. Well, thanks for hanging out. Yep, Love you. Love you too. Bye.