Learning How to Break Free from Life's Bullshit Box with Amber Fuhriman

When Amber Fhuriman swapped her attorney's briefcase for the tools of neuro-linguistic programming and integrated timeline techniques, she wasn't just changing careers—she was rewriting her life story.

Our conversation peels back the layers of how Amber's battles with anxiety became the catalyst for a profound transformation, one that inspires anyone trapped in a cycle of fulfillment.

Amber's resilience, reminiscent of the tenacity seen in adaptive obstacle course racers, signals a shift in perspective that empowers us all to surmount mental shackles and reclaim our inner strength.

A leap into the unknown can be daunting, but as Amber and I compare notes on our transitions from law to coaching, we unearth the rich rewards of aligning one's career with true passion and purpose.

We tackle the fallacy of conflating professional success with happiness and the importance of constructing a life that genuinely resonates with our deepest values. Each anecdote shared, from courtroom stresses to the pitfalls of toxically positive cultures, serves as a foundation for building a more intentional and fulfilling existence.

Rounding off, we delve into actionable insights for personal evolution, such as Amber's innovative 'bullshit box' concept and the 2% solution—a strategy for incremental yet substantial change.

Her journey, which we will continue to explore in the upcoming season of her book and podcast, Break Your Bullshit Box, offers a treasure trove of strategies to combat the excuses that thwart our progress.

So, as you listen, let Amber's narrative inspire you to reflect on the small shifts you can initiate today for a profoundly better tomorrow.

Connect with Amber:

• Website
• Break Your Bullshit Box Podcast

Transcript

Dai Manuel: 0:10

Welcome back listeners to another 2% Solution podcast episode. I'm your host, I'm Manuel, and today we have an incredible guest joining us. Imagine navigating through life's challenges and achieving success in your career, but yet still feeling unfulfilled. Our guest today, amber Freeman, knows this journey all too well. Amber is an attorney, author, speaker and success architect who helps individuals break through their self-imposed limitations to create a life they love.

Dai Manuel: 0:49

In today's episode, amber will share her transformative journey from feeling stuck in her career to becoming a certified trainer in neuro-linguistic programming and a master practitioner in integrated timeline techniques. So if you don't know what those are, well, hold on, because you're going to find out as well. We'll dive deep into her powerful insights from her book Break your Bullshit Box, where she reveals how to overcome the excuses that hold us back. Amber's story is a testament to the power of self-discovery and personal growth. If you're constantly striving for more but feel like there's something missing, this episode's for you. But feel like there's something missing, this episode's for you. Get ready to be inspired and empowered to make those 2% shifts that can lead to profound changes in your life. So grab your coffee, settle in and let's get started.

Amber Fuhriman: 1:37

You know, when I was first starting this journey, which, when people ask how I ended up on it, it was a force from the universe, not by choice, right? So when I was first on this path and I was suffering from, like severe panic attacks and anxiety attacks, I would I would watch obstacle course racing videos of individuals with either like in a wheelchair or with amputated limbs and I would be like, if they're out there, because like that was kind of the world that I was in. I started obstacle course racing and I met these fantastic people, and one of the guys that I met was his name was Blind Pete is what we called him, because he was blind and he would. He would run this course with a guide who would describe to him verbally how far away the monkey bars were from each other. And I'm like, if he's out there doing this, then what the hell is my excuse? Right, fully bodied and fully abled, and it was just called.

Amber Fuhriman: 2:37

But did you die? And that became my motto for so long. Breathing might be hard right now, but are you dead yet? Because if the answer's no, then you still got room to go, right, oh okay, well, I'm going to keep part of this in there.

Dai Manuel: 3:02

So, because I think this is a great way for us to start, I feel like we've just jumped in here.

Amber Fuhriman: 3:05

This is what I needed on an afternoon.

Dai Manuel: 3:08

I'm happy to help Amber and, uh, listen, I, I am, uh, I'm a big time OCR fan as well. I'm uh, yeah, I love them tough mutters and the story you shared there. I think we're going to want to bring that up again because, uh, I had a similar experience, my good buddy Hirsch. He was a guy that I trained and coached for years and years. He was in recovery from the time that I knew him from some pretty harsh drugs and in fact, he lost one of his legs due to an overdose, and I remember him taking him to do his first Tough Mudder and the experience. I remember us going up this ugly mile of a hike up a hill and you know, and he's going, he's just, he's going, he's moving, he's moving forward. But the amount of people that would be bitching walking by us and as soon as they look down at his leg, everybody's perspective changed in an instant.

Amber Fuhriman: 3:54

Yeah, whether it was real or whether it was just. I'm not going to be the person that bitches while this guy is walking, like I mean I think sometimes we need that, like I don't really believe in myself yet, but I'm not going to be the person that says I don't want this guy's out here crushing it right, because, like we, I did a. I had the amazing opportunity of running with a guy named Superman, and I will never forget this because Superman was in a wheelchair. Um, he wasn't always in a wheelchair. He was in a wheelchair all that.

Amber Fuhriman: 4:26

I knew him and he really wanted World's Toughest Mudder, which, for anybody that ends up listening to this that doesn't know, it's a 24-hour obstacle course race. He wanted Worlds to be his 10th Tough Mudder and because of the fires in Sonoma, in order to make that happen, he had to run Vegas, but his team that normally ran with him couldn't make it to Vegas. So we had the opportunity to like form a team around him, but none of us had ever ran with somebody in a wheelchair before, and I can remember like before every obstacle, we would kind of step back and be like, okay, so how are we going to do this? And you could see him getting more and more frustrated because he's like guys like I'm good, just like, let me go Right, I'm good.

Amber Fuhriman: 5:09

And there there was one obstacle that involved water, and we were all having our like little huddle. We're like, how are we going to make this happen? And he's like dude, this is my favorite obstacle, just throw me in, I'll figure it out. And we were like and it was that shift of like, wait a minute, are you here to like? Am I here to help you? Are you here to help me? Because right now it feels a little off-sited.

Dai Manuel: 5:31

That, oh my gosh, how incredible of an experience that must have been.

Amber Fuhriman: 5:36

Oh my gosh, it was insane. It's still, to this day, my second favorite Tough Mudder. My first is obviously Worlds, the 24-hour race that will. That is hard to top. But when I mean finishing that lab, watching like it's just, there's nothing like watching people and I mean this with all the respect that have no business being out on the course brushing it Right, cause the world would look at them and be like what do you, what are you going to do? And they're like let me show you.

Dai Manuel: 6:11

And then you're like okay, let me quit bitching about my life. Well, listen, you know, amber, we're just jumping right into it because everyone, no, no, this is great.

Dai Manuel: 6:16

I guess I want it to be raw and real and authentic and that's always sort of my goal, is like we're raw and real is my deal and this is great. So, listeners, you're just getting the raw and real of it all today Because Amber and I we get to this call and I had this whole plan. It's out the window. And you know why? Because she's awesome and I think you're already digging that in the energy of the share and I just want to acknowledge you real quick, formally speaking. A little bit of side note because I want to acknowledge Amber again. I A little bit of side note because I want to acknowledge Amber again. I know you heard the great introduction, but real, quickly.

Dai Manuel: 6:52

Amber's journey is a powerful testament to the transformative power of self-reflection, personal development and courage to redefine success on one's own terms. Through her book, which we're going to talk about today Break your Bullshit Box love the name, by the way and her coaching, amber empowers serial accomplishers to break free from the confines of their comfort zones and achieve their true desires. I wanted to make sure I got that in there. I think you already got the vibe from Amber in our pre-conversation there, which I normally cut out. I'm keeping it all in because that was just gold and that was stuff that everybody needs to hear. So, amber, welcome to the show.

Amber Fuhriman: 7:26

Thank you so much for having me. I mentioned before and I'll say it again. You know I was sitting at my desk a minute ago looking at my schedule. I have a networking event this evening and I was like where am I going to find the energy to get to this networking event? And apparently it is this podcast. So thank you. Oh, I love that I'm going to sound bite out of that one.

Dai Manuel: 7:48

It's great to have you. I've been really looking forward to this conversation, especially to dive into your box and the way that you're coaching and mentoring people through some of these mental mindset shifts which ultimately transfer into real life results, because that's something we all want. I mean as much as we talk about infestation and, you know, journaling and all that other good stuff. I have nothing negative to say about that stuff that I've tried and and it's been very beneficial in certain periods of my life, but also, in certain periods of life, been very frustrating and I know this is nothing new to you as well, amber based on your journey, and so let's let's talk about that to begin with, cause I I really want to set the foundation because you haven't been doing this forever.

Dai Manuel: 8:29

In fact, your background is something very different that people didn't listen to the intro, they'd have no idea. But you've literally gone from attorney, lawyer to success architect and I that might be a term no one's heard before, or maybe it's something new. So what the heck? Let's talk about that. How did that journey go?

Amber Fuhriman: 8:50

down. Yeah, so most people haven't heard of success architect, because one of the craziest things about business that I had to wrap my head around, coming from the legal field, is that you just get to make shit up. And so when people were like, what are you going to be? And I'm like, well, what are my options? It's kind of like for any of those friends, fans that are out there when Phoebe changes their name and she's like, well, what can it be? And they're like it can be anything you want. She's like not anything.

Amber Fuhriman: 9:20

So, as I'm like deciding what I'm going to be in this coaching world and they told me anything, I was like, oh, this is going to be fun, right, because I didn't like coaches so overused and I didn't want to just be another coach. So for me, the idea of a success architect if you, if you take an idea of what an architect does, right, you would never decide that you're gonna build your dream home and then just call a contractor and be like, just round up some guys and some two by fours and start building. I'm sure you'll figure it out along the way, right? Like you hire somebody and they make a blueprint and they make a plan and they test that plan and they check that plan with you and then you build a team and then you get results and our life and our business and our relationships they have to be the same way. So for me, success is an intentional journey through planning and adjusting and building. But so many people start with the building part and then they're like why does life suck? And that was my attorney process, right Like I.

Amber Fuhriman: 10:30

When people would ask me, why did you become an attorney, my answer and I think a lot of you might be able to relate to this, the answer that I gave them depended on the amount of healing that I had done along my journey. So with each step it was like well, my dad thought I'd be a good attorney, so I decided to go to law school. And then it was well my dad. So for those of you who don't know, my dad was killed when I was 18. He was killed in a word-related accident. So a lot of the things that I did tied back to his memory and wanting to keep him alive. So then it became.

Amber Fuhriman: 11:06

Well, we sued the state of Idaho and so I got an idea to see what the legal system was like and I fell in love with it and then it became I wanted to help people and it took me a really long time to get to the point where I could acknowledge that going to law school was a trauma response, that going to law school was the thing that was supposed to make everything else better. And your thing might not be law school, it might be a family, it might be a relationship, it might be a job. But all too often I find that people focus on this external thing and they're like as soon as I have that, then everything's going to make sense and then I can start building my life. So, taking all of that together, a success architect is really identifying why you think that thing's going to make it all better and then paying attention to the things that you're ignoring which is where the bullshit box comes in so that you can have that success now and build on that instead of chasing it.

Dai Manuel: 12:09

Love it. I love it. So for how long did you actually work as a lawyer before making this shift?

Amber Fuhriman: 12:17

I'm still working as a lawyer.

Dai Manuel: 12:18

Oh, okay, cool, I love it.

Amber Fuhriman: 12:20

What's interesting, though, is I thought I was going to be done, so my law firm is no more Like. I don't have staff in it. What's interesting, though, is I thought I was going to be done, so my law firm is no more Like. I don't have staff in it. I don't. It's not my full-time income. However, there are parts of it that I really love, and so when somebody calls me, I've been working for 12 years as an attorney to answer your question so even though I've stopped all my marketing, those referrals still keep coming in. So when I get a call, it used to be I need to take this case to pay my payroll, now it's. Can I take this case without impacting what I'm doing in the coaching business? If I take this case, how much time am I going to have to take away from what I'm building that I love and is it worth it? And that's a completely different conversation for me.

Dai Manuel: 13:02

That's it I imagine a much more enjoyable conversation though.

Amber Fuhriman: 13:07

From the standpoint.

Dai Manuel: 13:07

Now you can have the ability to choose what cases you do want to work on, but also does it align with some of your values, beliefs and, of course, how you want to make an impact? I think that's really actually a nice. I think if I could be a lawyer and work in that capacity, I think that would be awesome yeah, most lawyers feel the same way.

Amber Fuhriman: 13:28

Every time I tell one of them that I'm no longer it's. It's interesting, because being an attorney has this perception of success that comes along with it and it all. And with success comes this expectation that you should just be happy right because you're successful. So I went through this conversation with so many people. I'm going to quit being an attorney. Why would you ever do that? Why would you waste so much time of your life becoming an attorney and then walk away? And it's interesting. The answers I get outside of the legal profession are why would you ever do that? You've made it. And the answers I get inside of the legal profession are why would you ever do that? You've made it. And the answers I get inside of the legal profession are if there was something else that I could make money at, I'd leave too. So it's just interesting for me that so many people stay in places they don't want to be because they don't perceive any other options, and that breaks my heart.

Dai Manuel: 14:22

Oh, that is sad. It's really sad, but I like it's, but I can relate to that sadness. I found myself in a rut. You know 17 years working in a company I co-founded, thinking I'm never getting out of this. And, to be fair, there was a period of life I didn't want to get out.

Dai Manuel: 14:37

I loved it, you know, and uh, but then there comes a period where it's like I don't love this and I don't want to show up anymore, and how the hell am I ever going to get out of this thing? You know, and uh, and I think this is a common thing, you know where, where, where, people that are embracing that evolution, right, that embracing that journey of constant, uh, how I would Maslow put it right? You know that that that we're trying to ultimately get to that ultimate level of of optimization, or optimal life or happiness, I mean whatever the metrics are you want to use. But that's self-actualized self, right? As long as we can believe that we can be better tomorrow than we were today. It's such an empowering feeling, right. It makes us recognize that the intentional things that we do in the day-to-day can make big impact and change over time, especially kind of changes that we want to make and I think, how did you navigate that change though?

Dai Manuel: 15:29

I, I want to know amber, oh sorry I didn't mean to cut you off there, but I'm no. I imagine how long were you thinking about it before you made the leap to start to put action in, to make the change um, it was such a loaded question and I love it.

Amber Fuhriman: 15:45

How long was I thinking about it? I love the analytical side of law school. I loved law school and not very many attorneys will say that I loved law school. And if my career could just be learning things about the law, it would be fantastic. But then at some point in time you've got to step into a courtroom and you've got to deal with clients and then real consequences start popping up. And I didn't practice in a low state area. I practiced in criminal defense and immigration. My clients were going to prison, they were getting deported, like this was not the place where you're just dealing with somebody's money.

Amber Fuhriman: 16:21

So for me the stress was high and because I had tied all of my hopes of ever feeling less pain to this successful legal career. I mean I talk about it in my book that I had this compartmentalization box where, starting at the age of eight, I would take things that I didn't want to deal with and put them in this box that enough success was supposed to take away. And I had multiple suicides in my family. In that box I had the death of my dad. In that box I had 10 funerals. In that box. I had a marriage, I had a divorce, I had broken promises, I had failed monetary stuff and all of that was supposed to disappear with enough success. So in 2016, I had been practicing law for about four years and I had hit my six-figure income. I was respected in my profession and nothing was changing and I would never have known and I say this, I'm going to be careful what I. I'm going to pre-frame this by saying if you're listening to this, when you hear this, just know that if it resonates with you that there's hope, right.

Amber Fuhriman: 17:40

I didn't know how manipulative I had become, and I think that most people hear that word and they hear it as a bad thing. That's not always intentional. I felt so out of control in my life that I would find things to control and that was normally other people so I would pick fights to solve them. I would create problems to solve those problems, and I had no idea I was doing it Until I ended up eight hours away from everybody and everything that I knew.

Amber Fuhriman: 18:13

I got flown to the northern part of Nevada for some court appearances and something happened and I felled out of control and there was nobody there that I could control and for four days I had a panic attack. I sat in a hotel room, I hyperventilated, I had an anxiety attack, I couldn't function, I wasn't eating and I was like this isn't normal. It isn't normal when the only person that you have to rely on is yourself, that there's nobody around you for you to focus on or pick fights with or fix for lack of a better word and then you can't function and you can't breathe. And that was the first time that I was willing to acknowledge that I had a problem.

Amber Fuhriman: 18:58

So when you ask, how long had you been thinking about making this change? I think I was unhappy in the legal profession for a while, but I just kept plugging along, thinking I just haven't reached that level of success yet. I just have to keep going. And it was that experience in 2016 that was like wait a second, like this, this isn't. This isn't right. There's something wrong with your approach here.

Dai Manuel: 19:24

You know. Thank you for your vulnerability. I know it's not always easy to go back and talk about some of those moments where you know things. You see the cracks in the armor right, the kinks in the armor, and I know that everyone has those experiences. I don't think any of us get out of life without having at least one you know that. I wish I could say we only have one having at least one.

Dai Manuel: 19:45

You know, I wish I could say we only have one, no wishful thinking, but I have to commend you because you know one of the most well-documented regrets of the dying and there's five of them that are very well-documented One of which is I wish I'd lived the life I wanted to live, not the one that are not the life that others expected of me.

Dai Manuel: 20:04

Yeah, and you know that when I learned of that and it was through the experience of losing my own father about six years ago you know that I came across as I was working through some of the grief and just a lot of those trying to reconcile conversations that I never had with my dad. You know it was. I came across this research, you know, and I was just like you know it's's, it's, I feel like it was my dad's last lesson for me was because of his experience brought me to that and I imagine you know you shared briefly about the experience with your own father and the tragic loss which I I'm so sorry to hear about. Um, how has that been instrumental with you now becoming a coach? Because I can imagine going through an experience like that along with all the other experience that you talked about and very much triggering and trauma.

Dai Manuel: 20:47

I mean it's heavy. It's heavy and how have you brought that into your coaching practice and, most importantly, how does that help you, help others?

Amber Fuhriman: 20:57

Yeah. So for those of you who are familiar with this science, it's called NLP or neuro-linguistics programming. If you're not familiar, nlp is basically the science of success in human behavior and it talks a lot about the programming that we receive throughout our lives. And I didn't know that this programming was a thing right. So when I had that meltdown in 2016, I started going to therapy. I wish I could say that I knew then that I was on the wrong path, but I didn't. I just thought I hadn't gone far enough down it.

Amber Fuhriman: 21:30

And there was a moment that I remember talking to my therapist and I told her all I've ever wanted to be in my life is successful. And I feel like such a failure. And she said, amber, like you're the first person in your family to go to college, you went on to law school, you live in a city, you don't know anybody, you have a six-figure income, you're respected in your profession, you support yourself, you're single and well taken care of. Like what does success mean to you? And I said I don't know. Like I never defined it. I was just supposed to know when I got there. So, with that idea of what does success mean to you, that I inadvertently started answering through obstacle course, racing and anything that didn't remind me of my life. Somebody invited me to this success boot camp and I was like here's my answer. Right, attorneys love checklists. So I was like I'm going to go to this bootcamp and I was like here's my answer. Right, attorneys love checklists. So I was like I'm going to go to this bootcamp. It's four hours long. They're going to tell me the five things that I need to do in order, in order to feel successful, and I'm going to have the answer to all of my problems. And it was the first time that anybody had looked at me and said if you don't feel successful, if you're not happy, if you're unfulfilled, it's because you're keeping yourself that way. And I thought, wait a minute, I want to know more about that so I can be a better attorney. I'm still on the attorney track, right? I want to know more about that, because then I'll be a better attorney and then I can be happy and successful.

Amber Fuhriman: 22:59

So I went down this path of learning about the science and I learned how people communicate and I learned how we're programmed and then I became a better attorney and then I repaired relationships with my family and then I felt more self-worth, that I brought into personal relationships and I became a better friend and a better sibling friend and a better sibling. And then I realized that for so long my identity and the only place I felt like I was valuable in the world was in a courtroom. And it was this programming of having people ripped out of my life at a young age, creating this belief that you had to do everything yourself, that people couldn't be relied on, that everybody in your life was expected to leave at some point in time. When I understood I had that programming, then, all of a sudden, I could communicate with people differently because I could learn to trust them. When we understand where the behavior comes from, we can change it.

Amber Fuhriman: 24:06

So when I opened my coaching business, it was very much based on the science, and being willing to be open and vulnerable and honest about who I was and where I came from gave my clients the permission to do the same. So I will stand in front of a room and I will be the first person to talk about all my shit and all my trauma, because I cannot expect them to trust me enough if I'm not willing to trust them enough to not judge me right. So this science, the idea of programming, the idea of understanding why we believe what we believe, became the basis of everything I do in coaching.

Dai Manuel: 24:49

Oh, man, I'm like I'm just gonna drop my mic, I'm like you got an expensive mic.

Dai Manuel: 24:54

I got an expensive. No, let's not do that. But, amber, thank you for for sharing that so, so openly, and I I've had similar experiences and I imagine and this is something I want to invite everyone that's listening or watching this, you know, really pay attention to what amber said there. You know, this idea of being vulnerable gives those around us permission to also be vulnerable, because it creates instant trust. You know, it brings us closer, not actually further apart, and I only bring this up again because I know there's a lot of male listeners and I'll tell you that's men out there. It takes us a few more times around the course to figure things out, okay. So, amber, I appreciate that. And, amber, I appreciate that, and you know, as I was doing my research about you and really diving into your book and everything else, I mean just some of the content you put out is phenomenal. I should say some. All of the content you put out is phenomenal, sorry, I'll take some.

Amber Fuhriman: 25:43

I think there's some content that's not phenomenal, but I'll take it. I appreciate it.

Dai Manuel: 25:50

Well, I'd like to say that there's levels of amazing content, okay, but I know that you talk about something called integrated timeline techniques and I have to admit that was something that I'm not very familiar with and I imagine the listeners, my audience probably aren't that familiar with it as well. Can you talk about that technique and how does that support people will?

Amber Fuhriman: 26:08

change. Yeah, so timeline techniques it's called timeline therapy in some circles. I have a moral hesitation of using the word therapy when I'm not a therapist, like integrity is so important to me, so I refer to it as techniques. And you know there's we have a relationship with emotions and that relationship is not always healthy and it doesn't always serve us. So when we do timeline work, we're specifically working with your relationship with emotions and we always start with your five major emotions, which are anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt.

Amber Fuhriman: 26:52

If we really think about it, most emotions that we feel are distant cousins of anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt. Once we clean those up, we've pretty much got everything else right. So we start with those, and each person along your life has a moment that your neurology is willing to acknowledge. It's the first time that you experienced those emotions individually. So we have our conscious mind and our unconscious mind. Your conscious mind, for those of you who don't know, is about 10% of your awareness, but is arrogant enough to think that it's 100% of everything that goes on awareness, but is arrogant enough to think that it's 100% of everything that goes on. Your unconscious mind is the other 90% and it's where all of your programs live. So imagine for just a minute a little human on top of a big elephant and that human has trained this elephant to be able to go where it wants to go. And the elephant plays along most of the time. But if something happens to trigger that elephant's bite or flight response and it's programming of what it needs to do to keep itself safe kicks in. There's no delusion on who's in control of where that elephant goes.

Amber Fuhriman: 28:09

This is the way our conscious mind and our unconscious mind is. We make goals. Our unconscious mind says wait a minute. The last time you made a sales call somebody hung up on you. That must mean that the world hates you. So I'm not going to let you make sales calls anymore. So we're going to convince you that you don't have enough time to sell and we're going to move on to something else. This is the way your conscious mind and unconscious mind work.

Amber Fuhriman: 28:34

So in your unconscious mind is this relationship with emotions. When we go back and identify when the first time was that you unconsciously had a relationship with these major emotions and we allow you, through some very heavily guided visualization techniques, to re-identify what actually happened in that event and reassess your relationship with that emotion, then it changes the way that emotion's stored in your neurology and it changes the way that you see that emotion in your life today. So the best example that I can give or the example I normally give is you're driving down the road, somebody cuts you off and you go into this fit of road rage. That is not a normal response, right? That's not a reasonable response to somebody cutting you off, and we can all agree that it has absolutely nothing to do with the person that cut you off.

Amber Fuhriman: 29:32

What happens is your neurology goes back to the first time it experienced anger, taps into what happened in that event, then comes back to now, taking all of your relationship with anger that's been unresolved, pulls it forefront in your mind and then takes it out on the poor guy that didn't use his blinker, right? So when we clean up the unrealistic or the unreasonable relationships with these emotions, we can start to address the behaviors that have been created to cover up that unreasonable relationship with emotion. That's the best high level answer I can give you.

Dai Manuel: 30:15

I think it's a great answer and awesome, I, I, uh. You can see how helpful that can be. And also I know in some of my own therapy I've had in the past, you know, when I was at my lowest I man it was so helpful in working through some of those challenges and just reframing my own perspective on life and some of the obstacles that I've been challenged by you know, because it's amazing what a great coach or therapist can do.

Amber Fuhriman: 30:45

Yeah, absolutely.

Dai Manuel: 30:46

And so I really appreciate what you're sharing, because I do understand that technique therapy. There's a, a. It's funny how there's such a different way we receive those two words.

Amber Fuhriman: 30:58

Well, and I'm an attorney, so words matter in my world, and so I'm like maybe I should like use words that matter to me.

Dai Manuel: 31:09

So well, I appreciate that. And actually, speaking of words, lots of words, let's talk about your book of words. Yeah, lots of words. Let's talk about your book, yeah, lots of words. Because, well, one thing for sure and I know this for certain those that are listening, watching this right now, I mean this this is going to go deep in some of the tools and strategies, but also the story of how you've implemented these, not only for yourself, but with other people, and or other stories of people that have achieved certain levels of change with some of these techniques and and I know that your book it really confronts the excuses we make, you know, to justify holding ourselves back in life and work and in relationships. I mean, you name it, this happens and I was wondering, as we dive into the book, you know, um, first of all, why'd you write it?

Dai Manuel: 31:54

You know, and I was going to say who did you write it for? And chances are it's probably for yourself first and then everybody else, but I was, you know. Let's talk about that. And then I'd like to hear some of your stories on some of the biggest excuses that all of us tend to use you know, so, first of all, why? Why this book?

Amber Fuhriman: 32:19

Why break your bullshit box? So I get asked all the time why I made the shift from being an attorney to being a success architect, especially when I go to networking events and people think, why would you let go of this career? And normally I have a really well-crafted answer that's politically correct. Okay, no, it's not. Anybody who knows me knows I've never been politically correct a day in my life, but it's at least close. It's at least socially acceptable. And I was really tired. My filters were already worn down. They're not real strong to begin with. People know that when I think it, it comes out of my mouth before most things can filter it out. So I'm having this conversation with somebody and they asked me like why did you make this change? And before I could prevent myself from saying it, I said well, my bullshit box overflowed and I had a mental breakdown and in the process of building myself up, I learned how to help others rebuild themselves as well.

Amber Fuhriman: 33:08

So this is where the idea of the bullshit box started. So before I dig into this, I want you guys to imagine that you have two theoretical boxes in your head. One of them is that compartmentalization box that I told you I had earlier. And in that box we put everything that we think makes us less than we put everything that we think people will judge us for or that we have shame about or we have guilt about. And we lock it up tight like a treasure chest from hell and we close it and we refuse to open it because we're not going to deal with that stuff. And then we have this other box, your bullshit box, and that bullshit box is filled with all of the excuses that we've told ourselves our entire life. But we leave that open Just so when we're about to do something incredible and our unconscious mind says wait a minute, my job is to keep you safe and while we're not happy here, I know how to keep you safe here. I don't know what exists out there and I don't know that I can keep you safe out there. So what can I grab from this bullshit box to convince you that you're not gonna leave this comfort zone that you have? And that box stays open.

Amber Fuhriman: 34:21

So the overreaching premise of the book is that the bullshit box needs to be closed. It needs to be inaccessible. Your excuses go in it and they have no way of coming back out. Your compartmentalization box, on the other hand, needs to be opened, because I promise you that the things that you think make you unlovable are the things that somebody is waiting to connect with you over. There is somebody in the world that is waiting to hear that they are not alone. Hear that they are not alone. There's somebody in the world that's waiting to hear that somebody else feels the way that they do.

Amber Fuhriman: 34:59

And I spoke about this for the first time two years ago, and I had somebody reach out to me Specifically. What I talked about was my dad was 42 when he died. I turned 41 last year, I'll be 42 this year, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't realize that if I was on my dad's trajectory, this would be the last year of my life. Now I know that I'm not, but that thought pops in my head of like have I done enough? Have I accomplished? Like he was so young and when he died he felt so ancient.

Amber Fuhriman: 35:32

And so I told this story from stage for the first time, and I had somebody reach out and say my dad died when I was young too, and I didn't know anybody else felt like that. I didn't know anybody else thought like that. I thought I was just weird. So by me being willing to take something out of my compartmentalization box and talk about it, somebody else in the world said wait a minute, I'm not weird. That thought process doesn't make me strange. And then we got the opportunity to connect and, in a great turn of events, the last conference I spoke at he spoke at as well. So it was just this interesting full circle. So, as we take all of those things into account, that bullshit box is full of things that you don't even know exist. And one of the chapters in my book is called All Gremlins Are Assholes, even the Cute Ones. Right, all Gremlins Are Assholes, even the Cute Ones. Because what did we think of Gizmo? He was like lovable.

Amber Fuhriman: 36:35

Gizmo's the best. He's amazing and I just want to love him. And then he got wet and he turned into a terror and a bunch of people died. Right Now, that might Pizza after midnight, yeah, exactly. So I mean, it might be an extreme example, but what are your excuses keeping you from that nice cuddly excuse that you think is keeping you safe? What damage is it actually doing in your life and business?

Dai Manuel: 37:06

Because I promise it's nowhere near as cute and cuddly as you think it is.

Dai Manuel: 37:13

Oh man, I just love, love, love, love your use of metaphor, of metaphor, I just gotta say it is freaking stellar uh but also, you know, I really appreciate your, your bluntness when it comes to this because, let's be fair, I, I think sometimes we're a little too sympathetic. You know, to the plate, that people often will describe themselves being in, and I, hey, listen, I am not immune to this either. Full disclosure. But I have also realized that if I use an excuse more than once, it's probably just a bad habit.

Dai Manuel: 37:45

In disguise it's, it's, it's something that is need some some reconciling or needs some attention, and so I really love how you've, you've, you've really structured this idea of the two boxes, and you know, one to get rid of it and the other one, well, let's empty it out. And, um, I guess what I'd love to ask you is I know you've also spoken about chasing accomplishments to fill a void, facing accomplishments to fill a void, yeah, and you know what was your. I'll be happy when, moment, you know, I, I you've sort of alluded to that before and and I'm just curious, what did you do to move past that to find true fulfillment, because I think that is a big one for all of us. I, like me especially and this is probably me being more selfish as the show host, I can ask whatever I want.

Amber Fuhriman: 38:33

Hey, I love it.

Dai Manuel: 38:35

Yeah, for me. I know that has been something that's been really hard for me. I'll be much happier when I get here. You know it's always about this future, far off date, not now, and I know I can choose to be happy now. But this part of my brain. It's wild how sometimes I catch myself. And so do you mind just sharing not only your own experience but also how you help people start to change beyond that sort of limiting? What do you call it a belief?

Dai Manuel: 39:03

or I don't know what you want to call it, but yeah, yeah.

Amber Fuhriman: 39:07

So it's interesting that you say that, because behind me is a sign that says success, to the left of me is a sign that says happiness, and the definition on it is it's not something you can buy, it's a choice that you can choose every day. And while I believe that, I know that I'm not the only one that has heard someone say well, if you want to be happy, be happy, and you want to throat, punch them right. Because, like, if I could, then I would Right, so don't tell me to just choose.

Amber Fuhriman: 39:32

And I think this has actually led to some real toxic positivity issues and I talk about this in the book like this idea that if you want to be happy, you can just choose to be happy Presumes and has created this culture that if I have a shitty day, I can't talk about my shitty day, that it's like not okay to never be okay, and so, for me, happiness and constantly being positive have to be separated from each other. I can be happy and have a bad day. I can be happy and not feel good in the moment, and I really want to drive home for the people listening to this that it is okay to not be okay. It is not okay to stay not okay. I went to an event once and they gave out water bottles and it said nobody ever drowned by falling in the water. They drowned by staying there, and for me, that was incredibly powerful right? So, first of all, happiness, yes, you can choose it, and no, it's not as easy as saying, okay, now I'm happy, because your unconscious mind listens to everything that you say and everything that you think, and just because you've trained yourself to pretend to be happy all the time doesn't mean that your unconscious mind constantly believes you're happy. This is my problem with affirmations. Do not get me started on affirmations Okay. So when people say, just stand in the mirror and tell me that you love yourself for the next 45 minutes like, no, I don't. I don't love myself. And so standing in front of a mirror is only going to tell me that I'm a liar that doesn't love myself, right, it doesn't work that way. We have to be willing to get to the root of the emotions that cause us to believe that we're not lovable. We can't just stand in front of a mirror and be like, okay, now I'm fixed right. So to answer your question, chasing accomplishments, that I'll be happy.

Amber Fuhriman: 41:30

When moment Mine, like most older millennials, was a six-figure income. Six figures was supposed to fix it all, and I only knew two ways to make six figures doctor and lawyer. I hated science and I failed biology three times. They were not letting me anywhere near a scalpel, so lawyer it became. I am not against people setting goals for themselves and working really hard to achieve more and more and more and more. Where it gets dangerous is when that more and more is for the purpose of easing pain you don't want to deal with.

Amber Fuhriman: 42:11

So for me, I had to get real clear on what it was that I wanted that for. What did I think it was going to bring me, because it's not. It's not going to bring it to you. I don't care what you think it is, it's not going to bring it to you. And then I had to say why don't I have that now, and what do I need to do to create in my life having that thing now?

Amber Fuhriman: 42:35

So if it was respect, a six-figure income and a law degree is going to bring me respect. Well, no, it's not. So why don't I feel like I have respect now? And what do I need to deal with to have respect now? Then the six-figure income becomes just money. It becomes just a thing. That's a tool, not a solution that's supposed to pick up my broken pieces because I don't have enough respect now. So it becomes intention of understanding the purpose of every decision that you're making and making sure that it truly aligns with the place that you want to go are making and making sure that it truly aligns with the place that you want to go, so well said.

Amber Fuhriman: 43:16

Thank you.

Dai Manuel: 43:17

Thank you for sharing that, you know it's. I love to sort of shift a little bit into more of the solutions now, because I think we've alluded to a few difference in perspectives and understandings, but also how to really hold up a mirror on ourselves, right and and to acknowledge some of these patterns that we may or may not be aware of. And, and you know, we we discussed a little bit about the premise of the show, this 2% solution idea, this idea of making a non-negotiable every day, 2% of every 24 hours, which is just 30. And or I you know, I once had a guy write me and it was really funny, every 24 hours, which is just 30. And I once had a guy write me and it was really funny, it was in LinkedIn and he's like, hey, just so, you know, this 2%, 30 minutes and every 20, it's actually 28 weeks for him. So for the analytical types out there, I know that it's just a little bit of-.

Amber Fuhriman: 44:04

Well, this one might be a lot longer, because you and I have a lot to say.

Dai Manuel: 44:08

We do, we do, and so I'd love to hear about. What are some of the 2% solutions? Since you've really embraced this journey, this transformation that you've been on, and now you're also guiding others on these similar transformative journeys, what are some of those 2% solutions that have helped you in your life? You know, those little things that we can do, consistently, frequently 30 minutes or less in a day.

Dai Manuel: 44:32

You know it's not like it's a huge amount of energy to do it, but we do have to prioritize, create the space to do it, and so please share your own experiences and then anything else that our listeners might be able to do to help them with some of the things that you've spoken about today.

Amber Fuhriman: 44:47

Yeah, so I'm going to preface this by saying I'm never the type of person that comes on and be like the solution is to hire me right, like give me money, right, but the reality is that training saved my life.

Amber Fuhriman: 45:02

It changed my life. So look into NLP, understand what it is, nlp and timeline techniques or timeline therapy and start to find people that you think are credible. If you have any questions, let me know. The reality is that the training part of it is so incredibly important. Until you're ready to get there the things that you can do. First of all, when you're part of the problem, you can't be part of the solution, right, you can't reframe your own issues. So to think that you're going to be able to do this in a like like you're going to be able to put yourself in this, lock yourself in your room, fix yourself and then come back out as this amazing person that nobody's going to recognize it doesn't work that way. What yourself like Pinocchio style and create a new boy. It just doesn't work that way. So when you're going to need somebody that you trust you're going to need and I highly suggest that it's somebody that you have skin in the game for that you've hired to be the person that has no holds barred on your success, somebody who's invested in your success but has zero tie to your story. If you're not able to do that or ready to do that. Yet the biggest thing you've got to be willing to do and you alluded to this earlier, so I want to circle back to it there is a difference between empathy and sympathy, and I am always empathetic to the places that people have found themselves in. This is not the place that you come for sympathy. I won't give it to you. There is a solution, right.

Amber Fuhriman: 46:41

So the biggest mistake that people make is believing that they should surround themselves with people who love them just the way they are. I, when somebody says to me it's okay, amber, I love you just the way they are. When somebody says to me it's okay, amber, I love you just the way you are, don't I don't want you to love me just the way I am. I want you to love me enough to tell me that certain behaviors in my life are not okay. I want you to love me enough to tell me that I am valuable as a human being and some of my behaviors are not. So being able to surround yourself with and your family is often too close to you to do this, because they don't want to hurt your feelings, they don't want to be a part of breaking you down or tearing you down and, if we're being real, a lot of the crutches that you use are because of your family in the first place, so it's probably not best. I have people tell me all the time oh, my mom and I are really close so I can just go to her and I'm like, good luck, let me know how that goes. I don't care how close you are with them, they're part of your story.

Amber Fuhriman: 47:45

So find somebody that you know. When you call them my friends all know every single one of them I'll call them and they'll say wait a second, amber, before you keep going. Are you looking for a solution or are you looking for somebody to listen to you? Bitch, because I need to know how to show up. If you aren't ready for a solution yet and you just need to vent, I'm okay being that person and know that's how you're showing up and that's okay. But that's how you're showing up If you're ready for a solution. We need to have a different conversation.

Amber Fuhriman: 48:18

So, finding people in your life that unapologetically love you enough to be brutally honest with you about the behaviors that you have, because you won't see them, you will just, like I said, I was manipulative and I didn't even know it, you will not see the behaviors that break you down. Somebody else is going to have to hold that mirror up for you and you've got to be willing to let them in. So that's the first thing, um, second, intentionality planning. So I have a free gift that I can give to you guys that talks about where to start this conversation of success. Um, eliminate the words work-life balance from your world, because balance is unattainable. It's not possible.

Amber Fuhriman: 49:09

I have a free gift that incorporates the life wheel, where you can look at what parts of my life am I the most unsatisfied with right now? What parts of my life have I been ignoring? Because, I promise you, even if you think I don't need to worry about spirituality or my health right now, I want to worry about my money and my relationships and my career. You might want to, but your unconscious mind is going to be like why the hell aren't we caring about all this other stuff? I love this other stuff. I want to pay attention to it. So there's a tool that I have that I can share with you guys for free that shows you how to find out where it is that you are currently lacking and paying attention to areas of your life how to define success for yourself, and then how to start to set goals in each area of your life to be able to increase your fulfillment in each area, instead of trying to create balance.

Dai Manuel: 50:09

Love it, love it and, yes, let's share that resource. It will be in the show notes along with all of Amber's awesome links to her social media, but where people find that resource, just to be clear.

Amber Fuhriman: 50:23

Yeah, so it's going to be at blueprintsuccessdevelopmentsolutionscom.

Dai Manuel: 50:29

Again, that web link is in the show notes. All you gotta do is hit expand show notes. You see that little link there, click it. It's a hyperlink, which means it'll take you right there and you just put in a little name and email and then away you go. So use the tool. You know these resources are amazing. A lot of these guys bring these on. We're going to be sharing them in the community as well for those that miss them. But regardless, what Amber's sharing today is just invaluable, but also a great way to start your journey. If anything's resonated with you today is to go check out her book, go grab a copy of it. Also included links in the show notes. For that I'm really curious. You know just about you, amber. Like you know, as we're sort of getting close to the end here, I will have sort of one last piece where I'm going to allow you to have the last words. But before we get there, just really talk a bit more about the future and what's coming down the road for Amber, what's got you excited?

Amber Fuhriman: 51:20

Oh my gosh, I'm so stoked about some new things that are coming down the pipeline. So I have a course that's launching April 15th, which I'm super excited for. I don't know when this is going to come out, but that's a week from now, so the course is coming out. I put my heart and soul into it. I love that.

Amber Fuhriman: 51:38

The less amount of time that I get to spend in my law firm always makes my day better. So being able to speak more and dig into the book I have another version of the book coming specifically for attorneys, so it's called Break your Bullshit Box Recovering Attorney Edition and being able to bring that into the legal profession live events that are coming up, just being able to dig in to feeling comfortable. It's been a long road to feeling comfortable in my own skin and being able to wake up every morning and love what I do not always everything I have to do Love the direction that I'm going, love what I'm creating and just know that, as a person who didn't want kids, as a person who doesn't have a family, the impact that I get to leave in this world is going to be in what I provided to other people and so knowing that I am going down the road of actually creating a lasting impact is the most valuable thing to me.

Dai Manuel: 52:43

I think it's wonderful and what a legacy to leave. You know, and you're just getting started. Holy, it's exciting and I'm going to have to have you back for next season, absolutely Because I want to get the updates on how the course went and also I you know we'll talk about the new book and the new versions are coming. I almost see it, like you know, like chickens for the soul, where they've got like a different edition for every discipline, right?

Amber Fuhriman: 53:05

You know, I thought about it. You're going to have to break the bullshit box?

Dai Manuel: 53:07

No way. I think it's going to be great. Everybody's going to have their own budget.

Amber Fuhriman: 53:11

The other thing, the last thing I want to share. Next, though, just so people know, if this break like to me, break your bullshit box, like the moment I said it, my entire neurology aligned and it was like this is what you've been missing. So, while they are not available yet, I do have physical bullshit boxes that are being created. They come with bullshit slips. They don't open. They have a slit in the top. They're acrylic, they're a place.

Amber Fuhriman: 53:38

They were my solution to journaling, because, while I do love a good journal, what's the best part about a journal? It's going back and rereading it, and then you put yourself back in the fields that you had back then, and so I want people to be able to have the experience of journaling, writing down their excuses, but then I don't want them to be able to read them again, and so the bullshit box is my solution to that. So that will all be available if you head over to any way that you can communicate with me. But that's one of the things I'm super stoked about is actually getting physical bullshit boxes out into the world.

Dai Manuel: 54:13

I freaking love that. That is so cool. I want a BS box.

Amber Fuhriman: 54:18

Totally want one.

Dai Manuel: 54:19

So you have to share it. I'll make sure that, depending on when this releases everyone, I'll have updated links. That's the nice part of having your own show. I can do that whenever I want. I can change and update links whenever I want. So, amber, as soon as those are live, send me the link. It's going to go into the show notes, so depending when you listen to this people.

Dai Manuel: 54:39

It's either there or it's not, but either way, you can reach out to Amber on her socials. Make sure the book's not in the box because you can't get it, but regardless, amber is full of wonderful insights. I also know that you have a podcast yourself. I do. Do you want to just quickly mention that as well?

Amber Fuhriman: 55:02

Yeah, so shockingly, it's called the Break your Bullshit Box podcast. I know nobody was expecting that podcast. I know nobody was expecting that it used to be more than corporate, talked about identity crises and all the things and then it became the Break your Bullshit Box podcast. We talk about all things bullshit, what holds people back, what lives in their head. You know the phrase takes up space in your head. Rent free is big, or maybe it's not and I'm just behind the times, but it was for a while. So those excuses that just live up there. We get real and you get to hear stories from people who share bullshit that maybe you share, and I hate to burst your bubble that you're not the only one. So to the extent that you felt special, I'm going to take that away. You are special in other ways, but not in the bullshit that you have in your head.

Dai Manuel: 55:52

So true and very well said, because I'm like yep, 100%. And then some. Well, as I said earlier, amber, I always like to give my guests the option to have last word and, you know, maybe there's some people that have been listening to this today or watching us and they're like oh, this sounds great. Yeah, yeah, I've heard this kind of stuff before, but it really never works for me. Because, we hear that that's one of those excuses we're talking about. Yeah, I'm curious what would be your words of advice for those?

Amber Fuhriman: 56:24

people. So I wish it was my words, but it's not. It's a quote from Brene Brown and it's something that lives in my house. Physically, it's written on my wall because, if you haven't figured out yet, I'm a child, so I write on my walls. Like a dorm room with dry erase marker.

Amber Fuhriman: 56:43

So as you start to make these shifts, you are going to have to decide who you get to share your time with and who you don't. And coming from a world I grew up in a very inclusive religious environment and the idea of cutting anybody out of my life was it just wasn't even on the table for me. The reality is that not everybody's meant to come along on your journey, and people are gonna have all kinds of feedback about the changes that you're trying to make when they're not willing to make the changes themselves. So Brene Brown has a quote that says if you're not also in the arena getting your ass kicked, I'm in no way interested in your opinion. And that lives in my house physically. If you are not pushing yourself to be a better version of yourself every single day, then I give zero, zero crap about what you think about my desire to do that.

Dai Manuel: 57:47

Powerful and simple. And yeah, it might be challenging, but I gotta admit you know a couple coaches I've had in my lifetime. They challenged the hell out of me but it was all for the better I look at where I am now versus where I was before.

Dai Manuel: 58:00

Those relationships and it's night and day, you know, and uh, they were the right people to surround myself with, because I can honestly say, you know, I didn't have anybody at that time in my life that could challenge me that way and uh, or that I would allow to. I should say that's probably the better way to explain it. But, amber, thank you for being here today. I'm so grateful that I've had this time with you and I hope everyone else has enjoyed this. If you have questions for Amber, be sure to reach out on our socials or you can comment on any of mine. I'll make sure that Amber gets it. But, man, what a great show. This has been just wonderful. Amber, thank you for being here again today. Can't wait to have you back in season two, talk about all the cool ways that we can continue to break the box Bullshit box that is and also learn about all the new things that you're also working on.

Amber Fuhriman: 58:47

So again, just thanks for being here today. Thank you so much for having me. I won't tell anybody else I said this, but this could have been one of my favorite interviews ever. So I just think your energy is incredible. I think that you just have a way of and I'm sure this comes through when people listen to your show you have a way of making people feel seen and heard and your energy is just, it's infectious. So thank you for being you.

Dai Manuel: 59:16

Well, amber, you just made my year I was about to say month, but I was like no, no, no, this is a year, this is a year. Comment for sure, year to date, and thank you. Thank you, I certainly try, and, but I got to say I've just been matching your energy today. So thank you for bringing your A game. I know you got a. I had a long day already and it sounds like you got another event to get to, and just I appreciate you taking a little break here from your day to be here. So with that, I want to bid you adieu and say can't wait to see you again.

Dai Manuel: 59:46

And we'll definitely stay in touch. Woo-hoo, now, that was an enlightening conversation. Amber's amazing, don't you think? Her journey from a successful attorney to a successful architect? Right, or a success architect I love that moniker, by the way. It's truly inspiring. Her insights on breaking through the mental barriers we set for ourselves are invaluable.

Dai Manuel: 1:00:12

Remember, it's those small, consistent changes, the 2% solutions, that can lead to a significant impact in your life. If you want to dive deeper into Amber's world, I highly recommend her book Break the Bullshit Box, packed with practical advice and strategies to help you overcome the excuses holding you back. But you can also connect with Amber on her website and her socials, and I've linked all of those in the show notes. Just go and expand on that. They're all there. Hyperlink, nice and easy, quick for you to get access to Amber and all the cool things that she's providing to the world. Thank you for tuning in to the 2% Solution podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with your friends. Leave a review. Subscribe to stay updated on future episodes. Remember, change starts with small steps. So what 2% change will you make today? Until next time, keep striving for that better you.