42. Feeling at home in your body

 In this episode, we dive into the concept of feeling at home in your body, which of course can mean different things to different people! Some things covered include:

• the idea of recognizing your body as part of yourself rather than feeling disconnected
• some of my personal challenges with this disconnection
• neutrality and self-compassion as part of working on negative self-talk and body image issues
• some unique ways neurodivergent people may experience this discomfort
• ways of developing self-awareness 

I'd love to hear from you! You can connect with me in the following ways:

Instagram: @jennwatts.adhd
Email: jennifer@jenniferwatts.ca

If you would like to book a 1:1 session with me, you can do so here!

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I'd love to know if there's something you want to hear more about or if you want to let me know about your own experiences with ADHD and weight loss.

Transcript

Hey, everyone, welcome to this week's episode. I am so happy you're here.

This week, I want to talk about the concept of feeling at home in your body, and maybe that means different things to different people. It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately, because I think I've been thinking about feeling at home in your body as well as feeling at home in your home, because I feel like they're all connected. But to me, the idea of feeling at home in your body

is a lot like

I mean, I know it does kind of come down to being kinder to yourself, being more compassionate a lot of the things that we talk about, but I think it's, I feel like there's often this disconnect between it's almost like our brain or mind and our body are like two separate entities. And it can, there can be a lot of sort of just so like feeling Diso dissociated. I don't know if dissociated is the right word or maybe just disconnected, disconnected from your actual physical body.

And

I think this deeply affects a lot of us, but we often don't really recognize it. And

I also think the idea of feeling at home in your body, I don't mean this as in, like a sort of a body positivity, body love, like I'm amazing and perfect as I am, although I'm sure there's a time and a place for those types of things that that's not really what I'm talking about right now. What I mean is just feeling like this body is me. This is me I am. It's part of me.

I am in it. I feel things I

I mean, I guess you could go as far as acceptance, but just a kind of like,

I keep thinking of like, almost like, laying your weapons down. Because I think we so often so naturally have this sense of, especially if you're somebody who's struggled with your weight for a long period of time, it feels often like you're in a battle with your body, and I think that really impedes our ability to kind of lovingly, sustainably make change. So this is something that, yeah, like I said, I've been thinking about it so much lately because I think that was a missing piece for me for so long, and I'm not there yet. It's not perfect. I'm not like I am totally at home in my body, but I'm working on it, and I think about it every day, and I think it's really important, and I think it's something that

maybe we we might not recognize, that that's even an issue, let alone something to think about and work on. Changing might even not like when I say that, you might think like, I have no idea if I feel at home in my body, but let's talk about it. So I think that this concept is sort of,

it's a tough one when you're somebody who,

if you like. I mean, if you're listening to this podcast, you're probably somebody who considers that you want to make changes

with your body, and that's for some people that can be a hard thing to reconcile, because it's like, well, if I feel at home in my body, then that means I don't want to change. And that's not really true. Like these things can coexist. You can learn to feel comfortable in who you are and work towards like being compassionate with yourself, being kind to yourself, feeling connected to yourself physically. And also want to be improving things like your health, those things can absolutely coexist. But I do, think I do completely understand how it can seem like they don't really go together. But I also think a lot of people, when we are in the state where we want to make this kind of change, like maybe for a variety of reasons, right? It might be your physical health. Maybe your doctor has told you, like you know, that based on markers, it would be helpful for you, or maybe your mobility, or maybe your longevity, whatever your concern is, there can also be reasons like, not just you don't feel like yourself. I have.

Totally dealt with this for many, many years, where I just think like this is not me, and that really makes it hard to feel at home in your body when you when you have this sense of like, this isn't even mine. Like this, this is not right. Like this doesn't reflect who I am, and then it feels like ugh, I just want it to change. And then you start to think about it so negatively, and it's easy to go down this spiral of just like frustration, potentially anger, disgust, like all sorts of emotions. But I think trying to find ways to, like, kind of halt that anger towards yourself, because, yes, maybe it doesn't feel like you and that you know what that can be, that can be a good indication of, like, hey, I really want to do something. I really want to make positive changes, as opposed to, I'm so mad at myself and now I just feel like, what's the point? I'm just, I suck, you know, because it's so easy to get caught up in that feeling instead.

But actually, another interesting thing, when I think about feeling at home in your body, that I've actually heard from a lot of neurodivergent people is that almost like feeling like they're not in the right body because of their size is actually kind of has sensory almost issues for them, like they don't feel they can never feel comfortable. They feel like it's hard to explain. And different people have said it in different ways, but just almost like a, like a just, just a discomfort, discomfort in the way that they feel, and then that, rather than like, yeah, so kind of like I was saying before, rather than using that, not using it, but rather than feeling like I currently feel like this, and I'd like to feel differently, and what are the steps I can take to change that instead, it's so easy and natural for us to instead just feel like,

just like you suck and there's nothing you can do. And this is the lot you've been dealt in life, you know. So all of these things make sense, and these are all ways where it might show up for you that you don't maybe feel at home in your body.

And yeah, and that really can feel counterintuitive, right to think like, Well, why would I try to feel at home in my body if I also want to lose weight? But they really do go hand in hand, because when we have this persistent feeling of, like, frustration, anger, like disconnection, all of this towards ourselves. It's kind of the same as when we are constantly, like, emotionally dysregulated, right? Like,

if we constantly feel this way towards ourselves, often without even really realizing it.

It's it's tough to make change. It's tough to make positive change when we feel just completely frustrated with ourselves all the time, or what, like, this low grade, constant, possibly subconscious,

negative, negativity that we feel towards ourselves can really impact us and make things more difficult, because you're kind of always coming at it from a place of, like, there's something wrong with you. It's almost like a more hateful approach,

and that never works, right? Like, if, if, if you can't hate yourself into change, right? Like, we want to find ways to be more gentle, to be more kind. And it doesn't mean I'm not saying, like, stop everything. Stop depresses. You must love your body, or you're never gonna change. Like, that is not at all what I'm saying. But what I am saying is maybe it's helpful for us to take the time to try to identify what do I really feel about myself? Like, what do I really feel about my body, and how do I feel in my body, kind of physically?

Because you probably aren't even like noticing that type of thing. I think that was a big revelation for me. Over the last few years, I didn't really realize how negatively I was feeling towards myself in that regard, like I was kind of like, I'm neutral, like, I want to lose weight. I've always wanted to lose weight. And like, Yeah, I mean, like, I know why I'm overweight, and like, I want to change and stuff like that, but I'm kind of like whatever. I always thought I was sort of whatever or neutral or whatever about it, but the more I actually paid attention to it, like, what are the actual like words that I'm kind of saying to myself in my head? I think it was for me, like thinking if I would ever talk to somebody else, the way that I talk to myself was a big revelation.

For me to really recognize, like, wow, like, I'm really, really hard on myself, and I don't treat myself with kindness at all. And a lot of it had to do with this just feeling completely uncomfortable and just like it wasn't me. It's like my body was not mine. I don't know I if you have felt this way, I know that you know exactly what I'm talking about,

and maybe you haven't, and that's I mean, I'm glad that you have not if you haven't,

but yeah, I just, I mean, I can't affirm enough to you that you cannot hate yourself into change. And

if, with, if there's a way to I don't want to talk about shifting it right now, because I think right now, all I want to talk about is developing kind of an awareness or noticing or becoming curious about how you feel about your actual body, as opposed to being like, here's 10 steps for you to change that. No, no, I'm not talking about that at all. Right. Now I just want to, like, kind of plant the seed for you to kind of pay attention to it. Because if we are subconsciously, like, mad at ourselves or disgusted with ourselves, or, like, completely uncomfortable or disconnected or whatever, that's really going to impede our ability to make change. So, I mean, I do want to find a way to kind of approach it as caring for yourself, as opposed to, you know, trying to make massive change because you're bad or wrong. Your body is bad, your body is wrong, but that's, you know, that's down the road, especially if we're in a state, if you start to realize, like, oh my gosh, I speak so badly to myself, and I really don't feel this any kind of care or love for myself, like,

not even neutral like, then definitely that's not even something we want to think about. But we do want to kind of start to bring it to light, because, you know, I never remember what the expression is. What is it? Daylight is the best cleanser, or something, or I don't even know, I can't remember what the expression is. But it's basically like, you know, when you bring these things to light, it kind of, it's just the same as, like, this is what I say to my kids when they're experiencing anxiety. And this is not, like, a big thing that I this is what I've learned in therapy, is just that, like, you know, saying it out loud or or at least, like, acknowledging it really takes its power away, right? And I think it's the same with these, like, thoughts that we have about ourselves, ourselves is, if we don't really realize it's happening, but once we kind of pay attention to it and start to bring it to light. No. I mean, at first it can be alarming, honestly, to be like, Oh my gosh,

I'm horrible to myself. You know that, yes, it can be alarming at first. But once you recognize it, you can be like, well, that's really stupid. I'm not a bad person. Like, What a dumb thing to think about myself, you know, to kind of take away the power of those thoughts, you know what I mean. So, yeah, sunlight is the whatever it is,

cleanser, disinfectant.

But yes, let's bring some light to what you are actually thinking about your body.

Another thing is that, you know, we do talk about how, I

mean, obviously your hunger cues and your interceptive awareness, those things are really important in your weight loss journey, right? Because it's so important to be able to recognize those cues and like just from all sorts of things, obviously from ADHD or potentially other neurodivergent things, as well as for those of us who have spent years and years and years in these diet cycles, we can become really out of tune with our body cues, right? But

this is another way you know, if you're somebody who does not feel at home, and your body does, that feels very disconnected from it.

Um, though it's really hard to hear those cues and really start to really hard to start to learn to work with them. So that's another reason why it's really important to recognize where you're at with this kind of stuff.

And then, oops, sorry, my TV just turned on that one's really weird.

And so, yes, so it does really matter for those reasons as well.

And and it is harder, yeah, it's harder, to become in tune with those

things from your body when you're angry at yourself, right? I think that makes sense. But anyways, yes, so

all of this to say that I think feeling at home in your body,

it just, I mean, it's, it's a pursuit of mine. I'm not very.

Yet, but I have definitely shifted course. But they took a long time of kind of unearthing the way that I really was speaking to myself, how it really felt about my body. And I still don't feel like it's mine, like I don't, like, I don't, I shouldn't say that, because it is my physical body, and I do feel so much more like in tune with what's going on, and I have learned ways to sort of listen to myself, and I recognize that it's me, but I still feel I do, still look in the mirror and think, like, that's not quite me, but it's okay now, like it's such a more neutral position, as opposed to before, when it was like, ugh, like that disgust, feeling like, we don't need to feel that way, and that doesn't help us to propel towards change, right? So just really trying to pay attention to, to really unearth these feelings, whatever they might be. And because what, just what a gift that would be to feel, you know, wake up in the morning and just feel like you, to feel like you.

I do believe there's other things that factor into this, you know, like lots of especially as an overweight person or obese or whatever,

you know, having external voices telling us that we're wrong or bad, as subtle as they might be, you know, and not even necessarily somebody directly telling you that it could be, you know, messages in social media and, you know, just general society and that kind of stuff, like getting these messages, some of us for a lifetime, it feels

those things can impact how you feel about your body as well, obviously, right? And it's not an overnight thing to make changes in that regard, but we internalize a lot of that stuff. And so yeah, I don't have I'm not going to try to tell you, like, here's all the tips to shift this, and you're going to just feel like a new person tomorrow who's totally at home in their body. No, that's not at all what I'm saying. But I ask of you to, to just start to, I don't know, get get quiet with yourself, and just kind of be curious and pay attention,

um, to either, like, intentionally kind of ponder it, like just to you could journal about it. You could, but you don't have to. You could, you know what something interesting? This might seem like a sidebar, but it's not really.

I one thing I've really learned about myself is that I am a total, like, verbal processor. Maybe that's why I like doing this podcast. But one thing that I've started to do because I do find, like, journaling is super helpful, but also, like, I always have this feeling like somebody's looking over my shoulder. It's a weird thing. And so I find that when I journal it, often it doesn't feel like I'm being like completely me. One thing that I found that I started doing is like recording, like Voice Recording, like I'm talking through whatever's on my mind. And it has been incredibly helpful, and time saving

quicker and easier to record it. And some I don't, I don't often listen back to it, but just kind of talking it out, almost like talking it out with myself, has been really helpful. So I just say that now, because if it's something that you are curious about, you know how you're really feeling and and you're not really a journaling type just like you, like, put it in your voice notes in your phone or something, and you don't have to listen to back to it unless you want to, because there could be some gems in there that you're like, Whoa. I didn't even realize I was thinking that. And then that gives you an opportunity to maybe do something about it, or make some change, or just think, just think about it and acknowledge it. That is like powerful in and of itself. But anyhow, that's just an option for you if you are a verbal processor, because we're all different, right?

But yes, I would love for you to try to notice it intentionally or not.

How do you feel about your body? How do you feel about it? How do you talk to yourself? Do you feel disconnected from it?

And do you want to feel differently about it?

Do you want to feel at home in your body?

I just think that would be amazing, and that's what I'm working towards.

And every day, every day, it gets closer and closer and and yeah, so that's all I have for you today. I hope you enjoy the rest of your week, and I will be back next week.