43. The power of resets and self-discovery

This episode is partly a bit of an update on my own "reset" I have been taking, as well as some insights from that and reflection on the importance of self-discovery. 

I talked about:

• The need for personal resets to make sure what you are doing aligns with your authentic self
• How sometimes our habits may actually be forms of restriction rather than genuine change if we aren't taking time to pause and assess
• Why rest is a really productive part of growth and change
• The importance of self-discovery in building long-term habits and avoiding burnout

Remember - your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will have in your life! We can't ignore ourselves and not tend to our own needs if we ever want to feel fulfilled. 

I'd love to hear from you! You can connect with me in the following ways:

Instagram: @thejennwatts
Email: jennifer@jenniferwatts.ca

If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, rate, and leave a review. Your feedback helps me continue to create content that supports you on your journey.

I'd love to know if there's something you want to hear more about or if you want to let me know about your own experiences with ADHD and weight loss.

Transcript

Hello everyone. Welcome to this week's episode. It is the beginning of September, and I'm very excited about the fact that it started the first was on a Sunday, because it feels like a very fresh, clean start to the fall. I heard somebody actually refer to fall as mother's New Year or something like that. But, like, I definitely feel that Fresh Start New Year's kind of vibe, like

for September. But I don't think that's, like a mom specific thing. I think they were just saying that because it's, um, you know, back to school and stuff like that. But it's been actually really nice, like the kids have. It's pretty seamlessly, gone back to school. It's things are going well. So I feel like I need to knock on wood After saying that,

but it's good. I love the fall. I'm happy that we're easing out of summer. I know a lot of people really like summer, and I'm happy for you that you had a great summer, if you did, but

bring on the fall.

Okay, so this week, what I want to talk about is kind of like a combination of sort of personal updates, life updates, personal like, where, what, what I'm kind of going through right now, but also how it relates to, you know, having working towards goals like weight loss, as somebody with ADHD, but also somebody who, especially, this one is especially for those of you who were maybe late diagnosed or,

I guess, I guess it's really for people that I imagine, like me of About five years ago,

deep in the throes of life that you thought you wanted, but maybe you didn't. I don't know. I'll kind of explain it as I go, but essentially what I feel like right now, and maybe this does tie into it being like that New Year sense of fall is I feel as though I really need a reset. And I think a lot of us feel that way, and

I think it's easy when you feel that way to think, oh, something's wrong. I must be doing something wrong, or I've gotten off track. If I feel like I need to reset or get back on track. We're not talking about the track, no track here. But I think just this sense of feeling to kind of evaluate where you are. Are you working towards things for the right reasons? Are you aligned with your values, all that kind of stuff? Because sometimes you just kind of need a breather. Like, that's what it feels like for me, like I need a breather. I think the last, like, say, six months or so have been tough for a lot of different reasons,

nothing like the way I always think of me five years ago,

2020 I know 2020 was like a tough year for a lot of us, for a lot of different reasons, but that was really

the depths of things for me, like I had been kind of, you know, like people will call it a dark night of the soul. I've been kind of headed towards that. But then when

the pandemic happened, my kids were three, five and seven at the time, and we had our own practice, our own accounting practice. And so then it was, it was tax season, so we were already really busy, and then all of a sudden the kids were home, and then all of a sudden we had to do school from home. And then all of a sudden we had still had all of the requirements of our operating during a busy season. But layer on top of that, you know, people learning how to do their taxes and accounting stuff in an online fashion, and then people needing to work apply for government, things that they need their accountant to do. It was mayhem in our household. You know, I remember my husband and I like passing off duties of like watching the kids and taking care of everybody, and like doing the schooling between, like us both trying to work, and then the kids would go to bed, and then we'd still be working. And it was just like crazy. And I think what I learned especially in that period, because the year before 2019, had been.

I had gone through a lot of self discovery, and I had really, I thought I had really made a lot of progress and change,

partly in my weight loss, but, but a lot of it, you know, emotionally and mentally, because I was doing that, that sort of stuff from a really different approach, like, it wasn't calorie counting or following some program or something like that. It was a lot of, you know, planning and eat when you're hungry, stop when you're satisfied. And I had a little accountability group and very, very focused on sort of

the kind of, like life coaching approach of things, of like, your thoughts aren't, aren't facts and that kind of stuff, which, yes, I understand that's like a good base, and that's true. But 2020, really made me realize that a lot of the stuff that I thought,

I thought I was forming good habits, and that they were deep rooted and, like lasting. And then I think the mayhem of 2020 made me realize that they weren't quite as deep rooted as I thought they were. And, and I'm still, like, thrilled with 2019 I think it was amazing. I grew so much.

And I still think 2020 really put a flashlight on,

you know that what I thought was progress maybe wasn't quite as deep of progress as I thought. And what I mean by that is mostly, I think a lot of things that I thought were, you know, going to be lifelong habits for me, were really kind of white knuckling like I think there was a lot of restriction that was happening that I thought wasn't I hope that, like, I think you can understand what I mean by this, like thinking, you know, like not eating after a certain time, or I only eat these types of foods. I don't even eat chips anymore. I don't whatever. And I really thought this was just like, oh, this is just who I am now. I just don't do these things, but really it had been kind of like a slow build up of like

restricting myself and then

just fighting off, like, urges, cravings, you know, impulsivity, all of that kind of stuff. I also wasn't diagnosed ADHD at this time, by the way, but really this resistance. There was still a lot of friction there, and I was really just kind of powering through with a lot of that stuff. And it wasn't actually like deep rooted change. Anyways, all of that to say that, like, I still think back to me of 2019

and me of 2020 for for different reasons, but they're both like, I mean, I love both of those versions of myself so much, and they went through so much, and I learned so much for just completely different reasons. But

I think

I keep thinking of this expression, and I can't, I can't remember exactly what it is, and I don't know who said it, but it was something along the lines of, like,

you know, climbing the ladder of success, imagining that your whole life, you climb the ladder of success, only to get to the top and realize it's leaning against the wrong wall.

And I think about that in terms of a lot of my life, as well as 2019 like, it was a little ladder, but it was just like, Okay, I made these changes that I got to the felt like I got to the top. But really it was like, Oh, this wasn't quite right,

but, but for my life prior to that, I think a lot of that was with things like masking, sort of conforming to societal norms, trying to be like everybody else, you know, working through all of the ADHD symptoms that I didn't know I was dealing with, and the anxiety and the emotional dysregulation, all of those things, and really kind of forming myself into somebody that I almost like didn't even recognize, like I had no real sense of self. And to me, that was like the epitome of that ladder, like, climbing this huge ladder, getting to the top of it. And from the outside, people are probably like, that's amazing. Look at her at the top of that ladder, and I'm up there. Like, what? I don't even know where I'm at. Where am I? What am I doing up here? I did. I didn't know that this was I didn't know that I didn't want to be up here. I get up here and I don't like it. I don't even know who I am.

And so

I think that it's just a lot of this is just a recognition that

a lot of the changes that I was working towards in 2019, and I think a lot of other things, other times of trying to diet, make changes in your life, work towards things.

We're still a lot of just

slapping a plan or like instructions or kind of forcing change without really unearthing and recognizing who I truly.

Am what I truly want, and that is really the only way that I know I'm gonna get to lasting and true change. And these are things that I have learned

so much over the last few years. But it doesn't mean that, like you learn this and then instantly you're like, oh, I can do this now. Here I am. I'm just gonna scurry down this ladder. I'm gonna move it over to the perfect wall, and then I'm just gonna climb, climb, climb, and I get to the top. No, no, it doesn't work like that. I think a lot of the time, if keeping up with the like ladder analogy, a lot of the time, we are at that top of the ladder and realize, like, I don't want to be here. This is not right. But everybody else thinks this is amazing, and I should be up here, and I hate it up here, and we think, okay, I should just, like, get an extension, and maybe if I go higher, I'll feel okay. Or maybe, maybe that's the fix. Maybe I just like, try to make some surface level changes while I'm up here, when, a lot of the time, you know, and when I think of those surface level changes, that's what I think of when I think of, you know, diet plans and like, those kind of changes, or even things like, you just need to learn how to plan better. You just need a better like planner. You need to time block. You need to just follow these 25 steps to organize your house, and then you're gonna feel better. Like, to me, that stuff has always felt that way. It's like I'm in the depths of this. I'm in the wrong place. I don't even know myself. And the answer isn't to pile on more rules and tasks and changes that I need to make, because those things are going to have no lasting effect if you don't have a solid foundation that you feel really connected to yourself and like you're real, you're really you, and you understand yourself, and you're doing things in a way that you can have deep, rooted change. Feel like I'm like, mixing up all these analogies of like, ladders and trees stuff, but I do have another analogy that I'm thinking of, but maybe I'll save that for a little bit later. But this, anyways, this whole sense of feeling like I need a reset, is because I think I have found in the last six months or so,

there has still been a little bit of a slow creep up another ladder that I can see now I it's not, you know, I'm not waiting till I get to the top to realize it's against the wrong wall. But right now I'm like examining. It's like examining, taking the time now to say, like, Hmm, you know what, before I go up any more rungs, I'm gonna stop and check if I'm going up the right ladder on the right wall. And I am so thankful to recognize this and be able to assess from this point of view, rather than always being like, go, go, go, I've got to do things. I've got to like, always be in action, always got to be productive, always got to be like, following the rules, and everybody sees how, like, you know, all these things that I'm doing,

it has taken a lot to not think that way anymore, and to be able to develop awareness and be curious about things, rather than just following What I think are the rules.

I want to think of a good example of this so that this makes sense,

even just, well, yeah, I mean, I don't know. There's so many factors, so so many little factors I can't think of, like really specific examples in my own life. It's just this growing sense of wanting to make sure that I'm doing things from the right approach. And I guess what I really want to stress in this episode is that when it feels like you

You aren't doing enough like, if you feel that sense of like, I don't know if this is right for me, or I feel like I'm doing all these things, or I'm feeling like I'm overwhelmed, but I gotta make change. So I gotta, like, get more tasks and follow more plans so I can keep being productive.

It's easy to feel that way, and then also think, like, you know, if I stop to think about things, or maybe pause or rest even like, there's a lot of resistance to rest for us, because we feel like people think we're being lazy, But everybody needs rest, right?

I think we cannot overlook the growth that's happening in those stages, because it's easy to think, I'm not, I'm not in any kind of action, like, if you think about it from a weight loss perspective, it's like, well, the scale stayed the same. Nothing's happening. I'm not losing any weight, therefore, I'm not moving forward. I'm not making change. I'm not.

Not working towards my goals. So this is dumb. I'm wasting time. And you know what? Oftentimes that's not true. That's when the real, like below the surface, true like sustainable change is happening, is when you are taking the time to be curious about yourself, ask yourself questions about what you know, does this feel right for me, or do I really want to be doing this, or what about this part of my life? Does this make sense?

And I know that there's a lot of us who are in stages of life where there's not a lot of wiggle room or time for those types of things. And I'm not talking about like, you know you're going to be who does that? Is it Steve Jobs that you know? Not Steve Jobs, um, the other guy, who's the billionaire guy. I can picture him in my head. Oh my gosh. Gates, Bill Gates,

um, I think it's him that talks about doing these like he takes, like, weeks a week at a time where he does nothing like he does just like, reads stuff, and, you know, that's where he gets a lot of his like ideas and and stuff like that, right? Like, not all of us can do that, right, but I do think, like, breaks rest,

taking a breather, giving yourself a chance for like, to just assess where you are and try to reset can be really helpful in keeping you along your journey. And that doesn't mean that you're giving up. It doesn't mean that you're just stopping. Here's the other other analogy I'm gonna go with, just because I'm such a visual person, I really think of things in analogies. But if we're thinking about this in terms of, like, a road trip, or something

like, if you're feeling kind of antsy, or like, Oh, I've been sitting for a long time, my hips feel weird. I kind of have to go the bathroom, and I just kind of want some fresh air and maybe grab a snack and all that kind of stuff. Like just finding a good spot to pull over and just like, stretch your legs and stop. That doesn't mean that you're giving up on your road trip. That doesn't mean that you're like, Oh, well, we're not. We're not. You're not making any any progress towards your goals. No, like stopping to do these things and just be like, Okay, here's where I am. You know, I've stretched my legs, breathed in some fresh air, you know, took a look at the map, and now I have a good idea of where the next pit stop is and all this kind of stuff. Those kind of things are essential, right? Like you can't drive for 24 hours straight, and because you stop to take a little break, doesn't mean that you're giving up. It doesn't mean that you're not going to keep working towards your goals. It just those things can actually revitalize you to be like, okay, you know what? This is awesome. I'm going to keep going for another, you know, three hours or something like that,

rather than just powering through. And then you're tired, and then you get cranky, and then you're uncomfortable, right? Like taking breaks and taking a breather and taking time for a bit of a reset is not giving up, and it's, it can be incredibly productive. It's like fertilizer for your journey or something. Okay, I'm not gonna jump into another analogy, but this is what I mean. It's like, it's like, give giving yourself a chance to, sort of, you know, reevaluate, confirm that you're going in the right direction, make sure you didn't accidentally veer off to a to take a wrong turn somewhere.

Because oftentimes that can be really helpful. Because maybe if you take the time to do a little reset, you can notice things that are, you know, what this part's not serving me. Or maybe I've developed this habit and I actually don't really like it, or this doesn't fit with everything, or I don't feel great when this happens. And then you can, you know, be like, Okay, maybe I'll take a break from that, or maybe I'll try something else. But if you just keep powering through, you know, give yourself a chance to evaluate those types of things. And, you know, oftentimes I hate this expression so much, and I hear it a lot in the business world,

you know, for people that are starting out as entrepreneurs and stuff like that, and there's so much of people saying, you know, fake it till you make it kind of thing, especially for somebody who has, like, imposter syndrome or whatever,

I don't like that Well, for me, like, authenticity is one of my greatest values. I think it's so important. But also, this whole thing is about you,

this whole all of your like, things that you're working towards, are you? It's your life, it's your goals, it's your, yeah, you're building the foundation and working towards the things that matter for you in your life. And you can't fake it to your make it till you make it as yourself. Okay, you can't, and that's what I feel like sometimes we do when we're like, glossing over things and not listening to ourselves and just trying to power through we're.

Without taking breaks.

We just can't do that kind of stuff. So yeah, so when you think that those kind of things are unproductive, or that means that you're lazy, or that means that you're not trying hard enough,

it's not true. And in fact, that thing might be key, those those little breaks might be actually the key to you keep being able to keep going on your journey. I wish there was another word to use besides journey. I don't know why I don't like that one. But, um, another thing I've been thinking about in this respect is, like, I love to learn that's like, my top skill in the like, you know, the Clifton, strength, strength finder, whatever you call it, Gallup

thing that has like the 34 strengths.

My top one is learning,

by the way, my bottom one not even 1% it was like point 17%

is focus.

No surprises there. Anyways,

I know a lot of us are like that. We love to learn, we love to research, especially if it's something that we really care about. So why don't we do that about ourselves? Because I think a lot of this comes down to like, especially going back to the ladder analogy, like, in our lives, climbing up that ladder that we don't even really realize we don't want to be going up and then get to the top and realize it's at the wrong wall. So much of that comes down to not really understanding ourselves and just thinking that we have to do certain things and we have to live life a certain way, and we're so susceptible to that by no fault of our own, I think

we look externally, because a lot of us don't have those internal mechanisms for, you know, executive function things and and we, we want other people to tell us what to do, because it's just easier that way, right? And we've, we've just learned that. And we, we behave like other people because we want to fit in. We want to we think we need to conform, and we think we need to be like everybody else. So this is normal and natural. It doesn't mean you're like a weak person, but I do think, like, I've really realized in the last while that so much of this

comes down to us not really having a super strong sense of self, because I think that's the root of so much of what I have dealt with, all of the things that, yes, it's to do with traits and symptoms of ADHD, like when it comes to struggling with my weight and that kind of stuff, but even other things like Finance or clutter in your home, or all of these things. I believe that so much of that, for us comes back, if you really take steps back and back and back.

The root of it, for so many of us is not really having a very strong sense of self and not really knowing ourselves for a lot of reasons that make a lot of sense, like none of this is that you are like a flaky person. No, it's nothing like that. It's just that we have spent so long masking, conforming, you know, people, pleasing, all that type of stuff

to find because we think that's what's going to give us that sense of belonging. And then we get to the point, get to the top of the ladder, and realize, like, we don't even know anything about ourselves. Like, you know, when somebody says, like, tell me about yourself, or what do you like to do, or whatever, that's like, the worst question,

because I'm like, I legitimately do not know. I do now, I feel like I'm slowly getting there. And actually, like, posted this on Instagram the other day about, like, I kind of realized that's why I love, like, personality tests and and stuff like that, or even, like, believe in it or not. Like, I find it interesting to look at things like human design and astrology and all that whatever. But like, you know, those Myers, Briggs and all those types of tests, Enneagram, I love them, and I've realized that a lot of that is because when I've gone through periods where I feel like I don't know myself, I don't even know what I like, I don't know what what my values are, I don't know what like, all that stuff, sometimes those things can be really helpful, because when you take, you know, take one of those tests or whatever, And then it tells you the summary of whatever this is. This is you. This is your personality. It's not so much that, like you want some, somebody or something to tell you who you are, but I find that I got so much value out of being able to look at those and say, like, oh, that doesn't really resonate with me. And then it's like, hey, that means I actually know something about myself,

you know? Because then you can kind of see and pick and choose, like, oh, that actually really resonates. Or this is like, Oh, I don't think I'm really like that. And then you do slowly start to understand yourself, which I think is really cool. So do.

Anyhow, but that does really come back to this whole, you know, how so many of us are really not. We don't really get know ourselves so so well and and that is, our most important relationship

in life is with ourselves.

And I think a lot of us don't really have one, and that's okay, like this is, this is such a great thing to know, because if we don't know this, if we don't have awareness around it, then we can't start to develop it or make make any kind of changes that we want.

I was thinking about it in terms of, like,

when I was little, I really wanted to be an archeologist because I was, like, fascinated by things like Pompeii and, like, just like old, like turn of the century. Well, I guess when you say turn of the century now, it doesn't mean the same thing like me when I was little, like, thinking of, like, you know, the 1800s and, like, the early 1900s and stuff. Love that kind of stuff. It was so fascinating to me as a kid. And so I always thought, like, maybe I want to be an archeologist,

but I think for some of us, maybe we want to be the archeologists, of you, archeologists of yourself, like, do a little digging, do a little exploration, like, learn things about the past. Well, not not. I don't mean that in the sense of, like, dive into your childhood trauma or anything like that. I just mean like, like, what are the things that you love to do when you were a kid? I know that's an easy thing to say, but I really connect with that. Like, when I think of myself as younger, I love a lot of the same things, like baking and reading and,

you know, even that old time stuff that I just talked about, like learning about that

there's so much to be said and that that just really connects to me as an adult, because I love to learn. So, yeah,

I guess, like bringing it all together,

let's get to know ourselves and and, let's allow ourselves to have resets or breathers or breaks,

because for me, I have no shame around that anymore. I used to think like I can't stop, I can't stop working towards things, because then that just I'm such a lazy person. No, no, no, no, no, not true. And in those times are when I have the greatest growth that nobody can see, nobody can see that growth. And that's okay. It doesn't matter what other people see or think. It's all about you for yourself. And so if you think you need that,

like give yourself permission to do that, like, it just because you take a break from something so that you can evaluate, assess, you know, get curious about yourself, learn more about yourself, or what you're where you're at, or if you're going the direction that you want to go. It doesn't mean you're giving up on your goals or giving up on yourself at all. This is the good stuff. This is the stuff that's really going to take you places. So

take that break, take that reset if you need it. Because I know I sure did. And if, and I don't know if I had kept trying to power through,

I probably would have, just like, walked away from everything.

If you don't give yourself the break or the breather when you need it, when you can sense that you're starting to need it, your body's gonna make you take that break later on, and then everything just kind of blows up, right? So it's a good thing if you need it, take a break. Because I sure did, and I really feel like I'm only just kind of slowly coming back into things. But what actually, one last thing I want to say before I end this is, I think one of the biggest things from this sort of evaluation, discovery, archeology session on myself is that I think that this for us, like I said, this sense of self so important and yet so lacking for a lot of us in each deers and I think, and then here, I'm an introvert. I very much value my solitude, and I'm not like a which is funny, saying this on a podcast, I still can't believe I have a podcast. I'm like the person who like wouldn't even post anything on my personal, private Facebook page, like I am really a hermit, but

I think where was I going with this? Oh, yeah, okay. I really think, like learning this about ourselves is is the thing that is going to allow us to truly flourish and grow and do the things that we want to do, whether that is losing weight

or, you know, other types of changes that you want to make in your life. I think it really comes back to that. And so I have been having this, like, kind of dream of kind of creating.

Kind of community. Because I think a lot of us don't have that either, like, a real sense of community where you can really be, like, talk to other people who are going through the same stuff as you.

Because sometimes that, like, we don't need, like, coaching. We don't need somebody to tell us what to do. We just want to, like, go through this stuff and like, be able to like, does anybody else experience this? Or, you know, this is what I keep thinking about. Does anybody else know what this means, or share like Aha, moments that you've had, or like what feel like little victories to you that somebody else might not understand? I just have this sort of dream of creating this community of people, which is still so weird for me to be saying this, because I'm like, I'm not a leader type, and I'm not, like, a extrovert, but I just, I feel this draw to this. So I don't know if that's something anybody else would ever think they'd want to be a part of, but I'm scheming behind the scenes here. You guys have any ideas of that, of like, what is some kind of community that would be really helpful to, like, you know, connect with other people, like, like, us, like,

without any pressure of, like, having to, like, take a bunch of courses, or, like, get a bunch of coaching, and like, learn and work hard towards your goals more just like, let's learn about it. Let's all excavate. Let's all be archeologists of ourselves, so that we have that amazing foundation to be able to work towards the things that really matter to us in our lives, and we can just have that amazing sense of self, feel at home in who we are, feel at home in our lives. It just sounds amazing to me. Anyhow,

I hope this has been helpful for you as always. I'd love to hear from you guys. If you have any thoughts, comments, questions, anything, please reach out to me. DM me on Instagram, that's the easiest way to do that. But I hope you enjoy the rest of your week, and I'll talk to you next week.