44. You are allowed to want to lose weight

You are allowed to want to lose weight. 

You aren't a bad person or a victim of diet culture if you truly in your heart desire weight loss. 

It's up to you whether it's right for you. 

I feel very strongly about this and it's why I recorded this episode! Just remember that you are the one who knows your true intentions, and no one else gets to dictate that for you. 

I'd love to hear from you! You can connect with me in the following ways:

Instagram: @jennwatts.adhd
Email: jennifer@jenniferwatts.ca

If you would like to book a 1:1 session with me, you can do so here!

If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, rate, and leave a review. Your feedback helps me continue to create content that supports you on your journey.

I'd love to know if there's something you want to hear more about or if you want to let me know about your own experiences with ADHD and weight loss.

Transcript

Hello, everybody. This is kind of a bit different. I was just out for a walk and had this idea, this thought, that's like coming up that I really wanted to record this podcast episode about. So I'm diving in. I don't have any notes, and I might still be a little out of breath for my walk,

but let's go for it. So here's what I want to talk about.

You are allowed to want to lose weight. I'll say it again. You are allowed to want to lose weight. It does not make you a bad person. It does not mean you are a victim of diet culture. It doesn't mean you don't love yourself. There are so many things that I want to talk about when it comes to this, because I like this kind of came about because, well, I have felt this way over the last little while, especially as somebody who has started to openly talk about this, like having a podcast, especially with the name, like it's called losing weight with ADHD. And you might even notice, if you've been listening for a long time, that I did change the name of the podcast, and then I kind of changed it back without really saying anything. And a lot of that is because I felt a bit of kind of shame around it, like it was bad. It's bad that I talk about losing weight, and that means that I'm, you know, in some ways, maybe deep down, not really good person, because I'm, like, promoting things that are bad, but that is so not true, and that is just me, you know, like letting other people's thoughts about my intentions. Take the driver's seat. I have no I have never once insinuated or said that anybody needs to lose weight. I would never, I would never. What really matters to me is for myself and for anybody else who listens to this is for you to,

you know, feel inside of you. What is your true desire? What is your true intention? What do you really want? What is like? What is going to enable you to feel like your true self and feel like you are just comfortable in who you are, and for a lot of us, myself included, that like, the fact that your body almost doesn't reflect who you are like, or it limits you in the doing the things that you want to do, or you've you've experienced, you're experiencing some Like, health issues from it,

wanting to change that says nothing about your values or what kind of a person you are. And I've had people you know suggest that I should change the name of my podcast or not want to follow me or engage with me or be guests on the podcast. Well, I haven't had anybody turned down being a guest on the podcast, because I haven't really asked that many people so many people, but like, not want to align with what I talk about, because they think it's like diet culture, or it's like, not reflective of, like, body positivity, and that's okay If they feel that. But nobody has the right to tell me what my intentions are, and I think it's really kind of unfortunate that it,

it that anybody would think that I have that kind of intention, or that anyone who wants to lose weight for Whatever their reasons are, and there are your reasons, and you're allowed to have your reasons, right?

It's just it's frustrating that people would think that. And the reason why I think I'm so I feel so strongly about this, and have kind of recognized that I still am susceptible to other people's thoughts about this, is because, especially as ADHD ers, we have spent so long like looking for external validation and and looking for like, to do things right and to do things like everybody else, and to fit in and conform and how I know I've talked about this a lot, but

we,

we.

I think we so often feel as though people don't understand us. We feel misunderstood. And then for anyone to suggest that they know what your intentions are and that they're not good, is is kind of heartbreaking. It is for me anyways, because

I want like, I want to be healthy. I want to be my real self, like so much of things like that I've gone through over the last five years, in particular, come back to this recognition that I don't have, I didn't have a very strong sense of self, and

I think a lot of what led has led to the up and down with my weight and the struggles with weight and overeating as a as a way to cope with feelings I didn't like, or look for relief, or all of that kind of stuff comes down to feelings of not being me and not feel not understanding myself and not knowing who I am, and putting all this energy into trying to fit in and conform and be what I thought I was supposed to be, and it just didn't work. And it just was like, completely not aligned, right? And then that just creates this dysregulation, this chaos, which, which really feeds that, like, no pun intended, like feeds that, right? So

me recognizing that I need to or don't need to, but that I want to just feel like the real me, and that includes my physical body

I want like I so often. I don't know if any of you have experienced this, I bet you have. And you know what I talk what I'm talking about, that I have these moments when I look in the mirror and I'm like, that's just not me. Like this just doesn't feel like me. And it's not in like, a hate, a self hatred way, or anything like that. It's a very like

neutral observation that it just doesn't really reflect me.

And I would like to change that, and I am in the process of changing that, and that's okay. So for somebody else to suggest that me desiring that change, or talking about it helping other people to enable that change in themselves, that to suggest that that's bad, is really

like, it's easy to like, believe that I hear that and think like, oh my gosh, I am a bad person for talking about this. But I think I'm I'm recognizing enough now that that part of this discovery of of self and like, connection to self and learning to be rooted and solid in who I am,

is being okay with other people not understanding me.

I just I laugh, because it's such a having felt so misunderstood for so much of my life, and now just coming around to now that I know myself well, starting to know myself well enough, being okay with being misunderstood is actually, like, kind of key to me, feeling calm and free and like the real me. But it does a lot of it does center around that.

So

I just really feel strongly about this, because I think like, there's this pendulum swing, right? Like, with when it comes to, like, weight loss, like, if it feels so much of the body stuff out there is these two extreme camps, right? Like, there's like, the one side that's like, you're supposed to look this way. You're supposed to diet. You're supposed to, like, restrict yourself. And like, you should be, like, always, like pursuing a bikini body, and if you don't, then you're a bad person and you're unhealthy. And then there's the other side of the spectrum that's like, body positivity all the way Health at Every Size. And this is, I'm not like slagging any of this stuff. I'm just saying that this side is like, you know, talking about weight or pursuing weight loss is, like, unacceptable, because that's like, you know, just bad and and you should never do that, because that means, you know, you should just love yourself as you are, no matter what, and never try to change because diets don't work.

I don't fit into either of those camps, and I don't believe that either set of people has the right to tell anybody what they should desire and what they should do.

And I think that a lot of it gets lost in this. And I don't think that like especially with the Bosley body positivity side of things,

I do believe so much of it is well intentioned, and so much of it is almost like a rebellion against the extremes of diet culture, right, which I'm still not even sure how I feel about the whole concept of diet culture, but that's for another day. But I think it is well rooted initially, is well rooted in in wanting women, in particular, to feel that.

So they don't have to subscribe to these ideals and like society's, you know, rules about you must look a certain way. You must, you know, do this to yourself. And I think that's great to rebel against that. But I think the pendulum has swung so far in so many cases that people are now it's just another form of telling women and people what they should want and what they should be.

So when somebody says that, it's like cringe or bad that I talk about weight loss,

I think that's the you're just an it's just another form of saying, like trying to dictate what I should want and what I should feel and what I should do. And I resist that. I resist that because I am really working to learn what I feel, what I want and what is right for me, and what helps me to feel like my true, honest self. And that is all that I want for you.

That is why I talk about this stuff, and that is why I want to be a safe place for you to explore your thoughts around this. And if weight loss is something that is important to you and that you desire, or you feel that you need for your health, or that will just help you to achieve your goals, or whatever it is. I am not here to judge any of that, but I am here to be a safe place for you to talk about that and explore what it means to you and what is your best way to achieve that.

Because, like, if you don't fit into either of those camps, you can't just be like that. That means like, you don't matter. Like, no, I

kind of think of it like that

analogy of, you know, like,

talking about, like a swimming pool. Like, say, you have a swimming pool and there's, like, instead of building like a huge wall around it so that people who can't swim, like, can't get in. Maybe instead, you teach them how to swim, right? I think this is analogy from like, the 80s or 90s talking about, like, sex ed stuff. I'm

just gonna steal this analogy, but I kind of think of it like this. So like, diet culture, or the extreme side of dieting and body, like, expectancy of the society, or whatever that says, you know, the kind of thing that says, like, everybody should look this way, otherwise you're like, unhealthy and bad. Those are the people that are, like, everybody should be a swimmer, and you should just, like, know how to swim and, like, just jump into this pool. And, like, you should know how to swim, which, which is like, dangerous, because a lot of people don't just like, aren't just born knowing how to swim, or haven't had the chance. They haven't, you know, had people take them to swimming lessons or anything like that. And then if you look at the other side, they're like, the body positivity, like, diets are bad. You can't, should never pursue weight loss. People are kind of like, No, we built this wall to protect everybody. You cannot go in the pool. It's not safe. It's terrible. You shouldn't go in the pool.

And then I feel like I'm kind of like, standing by the entrance of the gate, and I'm like, and I know there's more people like me out there, because honestly, I feel like this is another example of like, the extremes are like, the loud voices, but they actually don't represent the majority of people. So anyways, there's a lot of us milling around the gate, and we're kind of curious. We're looking in the pool, and we're like, you know what I would I want to swim? I want to learn how to swim. Like, I think that looks cool, like I don't want to do it because you told me I have to, but I'm interested, and maybe I want to learn. But then there's other people are telling me it's bad. And so I'm like, Oh, I don't know if I'm supposed to want to learn how to swim or get in that pool, or maybe I just want to sit on the edge and put my feet in the water, but like, Am I not allowed to? But then the other people are screaming at me that I'm supposed to already know how to do this. I feel like I'm the person who's at, like, standing at the gate. I've kind of allowed myself to be this person, even though I don't feel like I'm, like, the voice of many or anything like that. I'm just, I just want to be here, to be the person who's standing where I found a gate in there, and I'm like, Hey, I'm standing here. I'm not telling you what to do or anything. But if you're like, interested in just like, checking it out and looking in there, or you want to, like, explore or ask questions, or maybe find somebody who could, like, teach you how to swim. I just kind of like want to stand at the gate, because I think you get to decide what you do. I don't think people can tell you you're not allowed in. And I don't think people can tell you you have to know how to do this, and this is what you must do.

Does that make sense to you? I think it does. So I'm standing at the gate, if you want to go in, that's great. I'm never telling, gonna tell you that you have to, but I want, I want to be like a safe person to help you, if that's what you want. Because I have also been curious about the pool, and I've.

Gone in a couple times, and I was like, I still don't know how to swim, but I'm like, sitting there, I put my legs in the water. I've talked to people that are like, kind of explaining to me how to swim, and I'm like, maybe I've jumped into the shallow end, not jumped in, but like, waited in the shallow end. And like, I'm trying to figure it out, and I want to learn, but not in the way that people are telling me I have to. I totally want to do it my own way, so you are allowed to want to lose weight.

You're not a bad person,

but I just feel so strongly that,

like we can't be prevented from these things because of all the external voices trying to say what's right for us when they really don't know and we are all so different. So maybe, like, I'm sure, there are cases where somebody thinks they need to lose weight and they really don't, and maybe it wouldn't be healthy for them. But you know what? That's not for me to judge. That's not for me to tell them, because I don't know that person, and I don't know their body, and I don't know their health, and I'm not their doctor, right? So I just, I just really feel passionately about

everybody, but especially those of us who are neurodivergent and have always masked and and and relied so much on other people telling us kind of how we should be and wanting to meet societal ideals, because we feel so different

that we're so susceptible to this. And I just, I really want you to know that

nobody else can tell you what is right for you. That's 100% for you to decide. And if you want to pursue weight loss, you are absolutely allowed to do that. And I just, I just encourage you to do it in the way that feels best for you.

You don't have to have somebody else tell you how to do it,

but, but you're allowed.

So

I hope this resonates with you. If you feel like you want to talk to somebody about this, if you feel caught up in this,

just reach out to me like I would love to, like I'd love to talk through this kind of stuff with people, because it

just sucks to feel stuck. It really sucks to feel stuck and to cut to like, allow other people's thoughts and intentions to like make you question yourself, when so much of what I think we really need is to look inward and start to learn how to like, trust ourselves. So yeah, if you ever want to talk about this, just reach out to me. Or,

yeah, just DM me.

Share this episode if you think other people would find it helpful. Not, I'm not saying that in like a like, promote me. I never ask you to share my episodes. But like, I just mean, like, I think there's a lot of us out here, and there's, there are voices out there that are talking about this kind of stuff too, like, you know, the kind of messy middle

thing, but, but just, just, I really encourage you to learn how to listen to yourself, like you are the voice of reason for yourself. And nobody can tell you. Nobody knows your intentions, but you and so don't. Don't allow somebody to tell you that you are this or that because of what you desire. Okay, I hope you enjoy the rest of your week, and I'll talk to you next week.