Beyond the Podium: An Olympian's Journey Through Motherhood, Depression, and Personal Triumph

When the echoes of an Olympic stadium fade and the medals find their stillness on a mantelpiece, what remains? For me, Lauren, a three-time Olympian and mother, alongside my husband Dave, the true test begins. Join us as we unravel our story of motherhood's trials, athletics' tribulations, and the undying pursuit of personal growth. We don't just reminisce about the past; we're here to share how those lessons have carved out our future, from the creation of the Strong Mom initiative to the thriving business ventures that have become a part of our fabric.

Imagine growing up in a place where the word 'quit' was as foreign as a snow-free Canadian winter. That's Trail, Canada for you, the small town that taught me to rise each time I fell. This episode pulls back the curtain on my formative years, where a modest upbringing and a straight-shooting style of parenting laid the groundwork for Olympic dreams and the resilience required to chase them. Dave and I reflect on the journey from hitting balls in the back alley to standing on the world stage, and the shared commitment that helped us navigate the crossroads of long-distance love, engagement, and the rigors of Olympic training.

Transitions are never easy, and the shift from athlete to parent was a dive into uncharted waters. In the often silent struggle with motherhood and depression, finding the courage to seek help was a medal-worthy feat in itself. We share how confronting the realities of a new identity and the onset of depression led us through the dark tunnel towards healing. The episode is not just a chronicle of our challenges but a celebration of recovery and the Strong Mom system—a lifeline for mothers aiming to anchor their well-being amidst the storms of parenting. So, sit back and let our journey remind you that even Olympians need a team, and together, we can all strive for a life we cherish, one honest step at a time.

Links
Start HERE: 10min Clarity Call
bit.ly/Strong-Mom-Clarity-Call
The Strong Mom Mothership
strongmomstrongfam.com
Join Our Facebook Group
jointhesmmovement.com/the-strong-mom-group-1
Follow Me On Instagram!
...

Chapters

• 0:00 From Small Town to Strong Mom
• 7:09 Growing Up in a Sports-Oriented Environment
• 18:01 Recruiting Trips and Olympic Dreams
• 24:26 Post-Olympics Struggles and Motherhood Challenges
• 34:39 Depression and Adjusting to Parenthood
• 45:47 Road to Recovery
• 50:50 Honesty's Power in Overcoming Struggles
• 56:09 Overcoming Mental Struggles and Finding Support
• 1:06:19 Building a Better Life
• 1:12:10 Personal Growth and Community Support

Transcript

Lauren: 0:00

Living the life that we've always wanted there are moments where I'm like yep, you're from a small town that are essentially incredible.

Dave: 0:06

When I think of the term showing up, they always showed up.

Lauren: 0:09

I think I could do it again.

Dave: 0:10

I'm a time Olympian. I will look back on that as as the best decision I made.

Lauren: 0:15

Your body's not yours anymore.

Dave: 0:16

I wanted nothing to do with the sport after Beijing.

Lauren: 0:19

The tears and devastation were real.

Dave: 0:21

From my perspective in our marriage, just your support has always been there. Welcome to the Strong Mom podcast, where we help moms get their shit together, gain strength physically, mentally, emotionally so they can reclaim their lives. I'm Lauren. I'm your co-host, three-time Olympian, three-time mom, two-time business owner and Dave, I'm the husband.

Lauren: 0:48

I have some of those things, not all of them. I'm here to help a story.

Dave: 0:52

All right, we're gonna dive into this. We've had a podcast on the docket for years and we're doing this episode one. Let's get right into it.

Lauren: 1:01

All right, let's talk about where we are now.

Dave: 1:04

All right. So if you were to look at our life right now, our marriage is the strongest it's ever been. We own two businesses, one of our businesses being Strong Mom. Where we do we help hundreds and thousands of moms get their shit together. We're basically living the life that we've always wanted, that we've always dreamed of having, but we didn't think it was always possible for sure.

Lauren: 1:28

I think that's where the power comes. You're able now to do the things that you've always wanted, you have time with your kids, you're present, your health is on point right All of these things like that. And I think there was a point in your life for certain that you definitely wavered and struggled, and I think when people look from the outside, it's always oh, they see the Olympics, they see the medal, they see the kids, they see me, I'm sure, and they think it's easy. I think and maybe I've been there looking at you and before I knew things were going on internally, and so I think it's important today let's back up the story, rewind and talk about where you came from and kind of the journey, because I think that's what's interesting about you. It's not the medals and the travels and all of that stuff being featured in books and on stage and whatever. It's the journey. So let's back up, rewind.

Dave: 2:26

Yeah, I think one thing that unites us is we're all the same. I think we like to look at other people and say, well, it must be easy for them, because insert whatever story you think of from the outside. But I grew up and I'm gonna go back into my story because I think you should. Yeah, I think that is really important.

Lauren: 2:45

That's why I'm here, because you don't think that things are important or interesting that are, that are essentially incredible. So go back to where you're from, tell me, tell us about this little place that you came from.

Dave: 2:59

Yeah, so I'm from a teeny, tiny town in Canada proud, I'm proud of Konuk, called Trail. I am so proud to be from Trail. You're from Trail Listening, just want you to know that it's. It was the best place to grow up. I'm daughter of Kelly and Dave. They had kids pretty early, so my mom was like how many people in this small town?

Lauren: 3:20

Let's get to the basics that you don't even realize.

Dave: 3:22

Yeah, you're right. So 7,000 people and a lot of people will come up to me and say, oh, I'm from a small town too, but I'm like, no, no, you don't understand. In order for us to go to a Costco, we would have to drive three and a half hours. It's not like it's 7,000 people. And then there's this huge metropolitan area within 30 minutes or even an hour. The closest place that had a couple hundred thousand people was three and a half hours away.

Lauren: 3:43

For the sports parents as well. Not an easy place to get a game Right Like. Think about how much we all drive now, when the next biggest closest town is three hours away. You're on the struggle bus for driving.

Dave: 3:57

You're on the struggle bus. We also had a lot of rec sports. I'll get into that on probably another episode, 100% you will.

Lauren: 4:02

Okay, so you're in this town 7,000 people. It's extremely blue collar. Your parents were how old?

Dave: 4:10

My mom was in high school. My dad had graduated high school when my brother was born, so I am the younger sister. I have an older brother, three years older. His name's Jason, and my parents started out they would tell you themselves, because this is where I got the phrase from behind the eight ball starting a family so young. My dad just started work. My mom hadn't finished school.

Lauren: 4:32

Your dad was forced to start work.

Dave: 4:34

Yeah, I mean he was. Yeah, he was.

Lauren: 4:36

When you have a kid at 20, like school becomes secondary.

Dave: 4:40

Yes, yeah, yeah, he wasn't going. He was starting work to provide for a family. The beauty of how I grew up, though I didn't realize that I had young parents. I didn't realize that they were any different than anyone else's parents. They were young and present and had energy and did all the things with me and my brother. They played catch, they took us to all of our sports. They did all the things. They were always there. When I think of the term showing up, they always showed up. I always say it's not we didn't have a lot of things, we didn't have a lot of money, but my parents had a lot of. They did have, I wouldn't say, a lot of time. They both were working parents.

Lauren: 5:24

Yeah, your dad worked overnight shifts.

Dave: 5:26

But the time that they did have, they gave to us and they had a lot of love and that was the household that I grew up in. I don't realize that not everybody grew up that way. I'm like, oh, it doesn't everybody have a 990 square foot home when they grow up. Doesn't everybody grow up in this environment? Because it was just, it was filled with a lot of love.

Lauren: 5:48

And what's crazy is knowing your family now and this is for parents today, like you had. That. That's your vision. You just laid it out. Your parents were stressed to all hell at times, right, Like there were tears, there were fights, there were all of the things. You didn't pick up on it, and so it just shows you, like what our kids actually see right versus what the true reality is to your parents, right, and so providing that environment and being able to provide it mentally and focus on it for the kids, like it shaped you for life, right Shaped me for life.

Dave: 6:21

I think the other thing that has shaped me for life and it's funny I never thought of this until just right now the one thing my parents were very good at was being very honest, but always with a possible and possibility outlook.

Lauren: 6:39

So whether it was-, so what is possible?

Dave: 6:41

Yes, what is possible, but also honest, and it's funny. Now that's where I wanna live. I wanna live with what's real, not what I think is happening, or I just wanna live with what's going on. And now that we're talking about this, I'm thinking my life growing up was very, very. It was positive, but not in a way that was built on-.

Lauren: 7:02

Oh, there wasn't fake bullshit. It gets better than it is. It's like the toxic positivity which is another episode coming. I'm sure that's like you didn't have to deal with the Instagram life, right? You didn't look at no one. Your parents weren't trying to portray your life as incredibly wonderful and easy, right? They kinda hit you with what it was, whether it was sports, and telling you you played like trash.

Dave: 7:29

Well, they never said that.

Lauren: 7:30

In a kind way in a kind way.

Dave: 7:32

For any sports parents out there, the way my dad always said it to me was, you know, wasn't your AA plus game? He calls me bozo Bo's, you know. You had your C plus game today and you made it through. Or you had your C plus game today, and that's what happens when you have your C plus game and you show up against a team. That's that good. But no, there was no, they were very much straight shooters, but there was always an undertone, always of all right, get back up and get them tomorrow, regardless of what the outcome was.

Lauren: 8:01

Do you think that came? Do you think, like the situation that your family was in A lot of times people now and maybe we're in the situation now we're like you can take a deep breath if something goes wrong your parents weren't in a position where financially or with anything else like they were, there were thin margins. Yeah, backs were against the wall for sure you don't have a choice at that point.

Dave: 8:23

But I think that makes it even more incredible, because oftentimes, when our backs are against the wall, we get stressed. When we get stressed, we don't act.

Lauren: 8:31

Yeah, for sure, we act a little crazy right.

Dave: 8:33

I actually just did that the other day. I was a little stressed and then had to apologize. Days had to apologize to everybody for just being a little crazy.

Lauren: 8:42

All right, so hold on, let's restart. So you've got this environment that you've grown up in. Do you think you grew up? You played all the sports. Touch on that.

Dave: 8:51

Yeah, and again we're. I'm probably gonna get to another episode as a mom of three kids in sports. But yes, my parents were very pro sports, not for any other reason than it was active, it was healthy, it kept us out of trouble. They loved sports themselves so it was a common interest, right. My dad would say, hey, let's go play catch, like he loved to play ball. So it was something we could do together and it had all of the angles that sports brought, without the expectation that anything was going to happen.

Lauren: 9:21

So you are, how many time Olympian?

Dave: 9:24

So three time Olympian.

Lauren: 9:26

Okay, so you only focused on softball, right, because that's the way to achieve greatness is to put in your 10,000 hours, only do that thing.

Dave: 9:34

People ask me all the time, just because I've been fortunate and worked my ass off enough to get to three Olympics, and they said when did you, when did you specialize in softball? And no one can believe it, because it's college. I was a three sport athlete all through high school, minus my senior year. I didn't play basketball because I had already signed a letter of intent to go play softball, so I was also cause you couldn't make a jump shot, but I was a good defender.

Lauren: 10:02

That's the other thing I think honestly is interesting as a parent. Now, like our kids all play multiple sports. We want them like there's an expectation, almost it's natural for them to want to be good or great in all of the sports. It's okay to not be as good in the other sport but still play. You're getting all of the benefits of the team and there's different angles and different attributes that you develop in playing other sports, like basketball. You're moving laterally, you're explosive, you're learning how to be intense and compete Like again, another episode, but that's something that's totally forgotten. It's interesting and maybe that's why you were able to develop your competitiveness.

Dave: 10:40

Yeah, I was always the best at softball. I mean, once I got older, you know, I wasn't the best when I was 11 or 12. I was not the best when I was 11 or 12. But once I got a little bit older and I hit 14, 15, 16, I was always I was. You know, that was kind of my area to shine volleyball and basketball. I loved playing but it wasn't very good and I agree, I think that was.

Lauren: 11:03

Gymnastics.

Dave: 11:03

Gymnastics loved it. Wasn't very good at it, but I think that builds character, it builds grit. We all want to do things.

Lauren: 11:10

I would say, seeing the pictures of you in gymnastics, definite character builder getting out there and in quotes competing in that little thing that you were wearing.

Dave: 11:23

Oh, love you too. Fantastic Anyways okay, let's move this on. So I grew up from a super small town. We started behind the eight ball. We started with nothing really, but the underlying tone of my childhood was all right. Well, let's see what happens. There was never. I never remember. I'm not gonna say whether there was or wasn't. I don't remember having a moment where it was like oh, you know well, people like us can't achieve dreams like that.

Lauren: 11:53

Fun fact. This is, I think, why I'm here. So this little town of 7,000 people, trail, bc I think I've checked because I find it fascinating and I'm from Akron right, we have our share. We have a good basketball player, we've had some great track athletes, we have a couple bands, no big deal. There are 22 NHL athletes there might be more by now because I haven't checked in a couple years but 22 NHL athletes, two first round draft picks.

Lauren: 12:18

Essentially a Barrett wouldn't like this. He's not from Trail but in the same high school class. Essentially it's wild. And so that's one thing again, like you always thought it was possible, which is interesting because when we're young we always like a lot of us if we have somebody to encourage us rather than kind of step on our dreams. Kids think that way a lot right, and I think it's interesting as we move into, kind of like we can talk quickly about where you went to college and your experience from there, but like when things got shitty, like that expectation or that dream, that dreamer in you was gone, like that completely was snuffed out, you mean when I was older.

Lauren: 13:02

Yeah, since you got older and you began like, when you hit snags and issues, it's the. You turn into the opposite, and that's something to kind of keep in mind as we move through it. So talk about how did you leave Trail.

Dave: 13:15

Yeah. So again I got to do what I loved and I do think my parents allowed me to love the sport Again. I could talk about kids sports forever because I got the break, because I was never forced. It was always my idea to wanna play, to wanna go practice. I was fortunate enough to make it onto a team that was an eight hour drive away from my parents and no, they didn't do it because they thought I was gonna get a scholarship. It was just the best opportunity at the time and I went down to some tournaments with my new team, the White Rock Renegades, and then got seen by a bunch of schools.

Lauren: 13:52

Tournaments down in the States, Down in the States yeah.

Dave: 13:54

So ultimately I made it to Oklahoma State University. Huge reason is cause couple of my idol pitchers and I'm a pitcher went there Michelle Smith and Mel Roche and I wanted to be part of that, that history, that legacy of you know this dominant pitching program, and I loved it. I loved every. I loved. I had ups and downs. I won't say I loved every minute, but when I look back I loved every step Again.

Lauren: 14:21

it wasn't cake, right you? Go in and fret your freshman year and you don't really play.

Dave: 14:24

No, I played. I just got shelled.

Lauren: 14:26

Well, I didn't mean. I said play well, no.

Dave: 14:29

I didn't do well. It took me a while to get my feet underneath me in the college game for sure, but at the end of the day I stuck it out and I will look back on that as as the best decision I've made to go softball, but not only that. You know I, my best friend made, met her there. Great people Like there's just there's a lot more to life than sports and I was able to live that college life and feel comfortable and safe with just amazing people. Every time I go back to Oklahoma State I forget how awesome it is there, I can.

Lauren: 15:07

I can vouch, having having gone back Little different college experience than Dartmouth, but amazing, super, super cool. So you leave Oklahoma State. You. That's right about Olympic time right, you get, it's not I. We can't even say lucky, like Olympians aren't lucky. There's a bit of luck involved maybe in staying healthy and doing some things like that, but it's work and it is.

Dave: 15:32

You know, when I think of luck in Olympians, I honestly just think of timing, because it's four it's four years, right? So if you happen to be on the cusp and then all of a sudden four years go by, that's it. That's a big gap. But yeah, you know, I just I believe we all create our own luck, whether it's sports, whether it's our life, whether, whatever it career, business, whatever- that may Relationships.

Dave: 15:54

Yes, whatever that may be. So yeah, I was training for the 2004 games in Athens and I had been on on Team Canada since my first. My first time was in 99 with the junior team, and then I had been on Canada, Team Canada, for a couple of years.

Lauren: 16:07

All right, so you spent a lot of time. You go to the Olympics. I think it's fascinating because you were how old at the time 23.

Dave: 16:13

That's what I said.

Lauren: 16:14

I think you were all on the young side of 23 because we met shortly after, but you were in. This is the old school. I think there'll be people that can relate to this and I'm not sure people do this anymore. You left Athens and basically backpacked around with your teammates without cell phones, without communication home, like all of that stuff, and that's, I think, a common theme. I think is amazing in your life, like and it maybe it hurt you later.

Lauren: 16:41

Actually, as I talk about it independence from the time you were a kid, you had free time, your parents are working overnight, your your taught and your parents led the way in that right they were.

Lauren: 16:53

They had to show people like they were behind the eight ball right and in a small town people talk and it's not always nice and so they probably didn't give you much of a chance. So there's that I'll show you attitude like I can do this on my own, like f off, and so I think that just from knowing you, that's a little piece, and that you take that to Oklahoma State. You go out on your own, you go to the Olympics, you're traveling internationally from a town of 7,000 and then you're in Athens and then you're in Germany and Italy by yourself, and the stories are. I'm not. There are moments where I'm like, yep, you're from a small town, like when I hear the stories of some of the things, some trust factors there, which is great, but that independence to keep moving forward. You were independent enough to go out to a wonderful nightclub in Chicago shortly after you got home from the Olympics and meet someone very special.

Dave: 17:47

Very special. Yeah, no, that's true. I think I've always looked forward. I've always looked at like what's up in front of me, what can I do, where can I go? I never looked behind me, I actually just backtracked for a second. I remember, you know, being from trail, we didn't go on a lot of planes growing up, right. It's not like today's age where you just like drive and as little kids you're off jetting all over the world or all over the US. I think I'd been on a plane one time, maybe twice, and all of a sudden I'm going on my recruiting trips and I had to fly by myself and my parents would drop me off, my brother would pick me up halfway.

Lauren: 18:25

No, cell phones no cell phones.

Dave: 18:26

They would drop me off to my brother, you know, two hours into a drive.

Lauren: 18:29

He would drive because he lived by an airport you flew from was three hours. It was longer in the winter.

Dave: 18:35

Yeah, yeah. So my brother lived in Spokane, Washington, was going to Gonzaga, so he would drive halfway, meet my parents, they would drop me off and then he would sleep there where my brother's house and then he would drive me to the airport either that day or the next day. But it never crossed my mind. My mom was like you know you good with this. I'm like, yeah, let's go. So, yeah. So after after the Olympics, after backpacking around and just doing my own thing, I ended up in Chicago. I played for the Chicago Bandits, which is an NPF team a professional softball team and things are still pretty great.

Dave: 19:10

Things are great.

Lauren: 19:11

Right, you're living like the dream life. Yeah, so you, you meet me.

Dave: 19:17

I meet the most wonderful man in the world in a nightclub.

Lauren: 19:19

And this is where the story turns dark. Essentially like if you were to look at the timeline right we that was in, maybe 05. We- met.

Dave: 19:28

And so it doesn't know we have. We have a few really good years. We have a few really good years. We meet in 05 and I have to go back. I'm living in Arizona by myself at the time, and you're living in Chicago and we're making this long distance relationship work. And then the next thing, you know, it's like well, we got to figure out if this is going to work or not. We didn't want to waste any time. That's how our story goes, and so we met in July. Well, we met earlier, but we had our first date in July, August of 2005. And then I had moved into your apartment Think about this in January.

Lauren: 20:01

I walked up to Lauren in a super busy crowded club and started talking to her.

Dave: 20:10

He tapped me on the shoulder. What?

Lauren: 20:11

are the chance. Like, all I hear about today are these dumb ass apps. Lauren gets to swipe. Swipe check out the menu. Should I? What can I think about? I should text this person. I actually had to go up to you. I think I've earned my spot in this chair. Like, when you look back on it, that's pretty amazing. And guess what? I think I could do it again. I have absolutely with you, not with someone else no doubt.

Dave: 20:37

Yeah, we met, we had. I had moved in to your apartment.

Lauren: 20:41

We kicked my brother out, who was staying with me at the time. Yeah, and then I moved in and he still talks about that references.

Dave: 20:50

And then we were engaged, so that was in 2006. Yeah, it was 2006 in January.

Lauren: 20:57

And then you left. You left right away for to train for Beijing.

Dave: 21:01

You're going too fast. I moved in in January 2006. We were engaged in October of 2006. We got married in February of 2007. And that was the year before the Olympics. And so, all of a sudden, when 2008 comes, the beginning of it, I'm peace out for pretty much the whole year. I mean, I had some, some stints back and forth, but for the most part my attention was was playing ball.

Lauren: 21:30

Yeah, it is. I'll say it's interesting. I was working in the trading financial industry in Chicago at the time, which was my first career out of college. I obviously to watch walk up to Lauren in a club. I felt pretty good about myself. It's interesting from that point of view to like all of a sudden, like my and I worked in a completely male driven, ego driven industry and then to immediately kind of take a backseat to the Olympics and, like your, everything became like I would come home from work and catch. Do you even remember that?

Lauren: 22:06

I would catch for you. You did. I'm just. I feel like I'm just blowing myself up left and right, but that's pretty impressive. Like you could still throw hard then. I guess you could throw hard recently, but I got to be a pretty good catcher no equipment, side sidebar for all of the catchers dad catchers out there. Lauren was throwing closest 70 70 and I was catching with no bucket, no cup, no mask. I didn't wear shin guards until the next go around, like 10 years later. It's pretty wild.

Dave: 22:37

Okay.

Lauren: 22:37

So let's fast forward through the part where I sacrificed my entire life for you and I'm just kidding. And then you left again.

Dave: 22:47

Yeah, I, I we were training and it was Beijing, was 2008, and you're the ultimate support system and I was playing ball.

Lauren: 22:58

And it was so. This is where things start to waiver a little bit right. I think again that was a tough anyone around that time around you. That was a tough experience, I think, for a lot of people, and so the Olympics were exciting, gut wrenching. That was my first taste of watching somebody you love compete for the parents watching their kids and unfortunately, I think too many parents probably get that feeling when the kids like eight where like to be honest, it doesn't matter. This as your wife kids, these are games that matter on some level, like we always talk about that. When's the first time you played a game that actually mattered in your life, like winning a medal in the Olympics? I would consider that something mattering maybe playing in the NCAA tournament or a high school state championship.

Dave: 23:53

Yeah, I'd say like, once you get to high school and there's a potential to get recruited, that game matters because that's either like your random club game on a Saturday at 12 doesn't matter, is meaningless, yeah, meaningless.

Lauren: 24:04

Um, so things didn't go. Maybe, as you want to just quickly break down the moment, because I think it's pivotal, kind of in leading to the next stage in your life.

Dave: 24:15

Yeah, I think anyone that has a goal that they're actively pursuing and you feel like you're putting absolutely everything into that goal and we ended up in the bronze medal match and obviously have. I went to Bay or Athens in 2004 and we came fifth and we had an opportunity to win the first medal in softball for Canada.

Lauren: 24:35

It would have been the first female medal in a team sport.

Dave: 24:38

Yeah, first female medal in a team sport and um we were in the the bronze medal match against Australia and.

Lauren: 24:44

I was pitching. Oh, you're right oh a lot of soccer around this house.

Dave: 24:48

I was in the bronze medal game and I was pitching and we we lost and I did not. I did not take it very well.

Lauren: 24:56

What happened in the game? Um, I gave up. Sorry to bring this up.

Dave: 25:00

Yeah, I gave up. I gave up the game winning home run. I blanked it out, it's all gone. Yeah, I don't remember.

Lauren: 25:08

That's not true. There was a little payback. If anyone can see the stair that's going on right now.

Dave: 25:16

No, I have to go back and remember if anyone's had some some time in their life that they've, you know, really, really hurt them, like the word I use is at the time, and remember this is my life at the time. And I have to remember because as I'm older, I look back and I think things aren't a big deal. When I look back, I'm like why did I care so much? Well, because at the time that was my entire world and the only word I can use is shattered. I, um, I there's a lot that I I kind of just tucked away and, to be honest, and you know this, I, I wanted nothing to do with the sport after Beijing.

Lauren: 25:51

So here I am. We even stayed, so I was in Beijing. It was terrible. Like the tears and devastation were real. It was like the year you have spent four years longer, like essentially but we really boil it down.

Lauren: 26:07

It's your whole life of ball leading to this opportunity to win a medal. And not only are you personally disappointed, you're on every TV in your country. It's not, it's the world to see, right? Everyone sees that and I know you don't think about it at the time, but it's huge and to see you were devastated Like the we. There's one, that certain picture of you with your hands over your head just falling your eyes out, but that leads like we left. We had a vacation planned and I know I think you skipped the closing ceremonies. It was just like peace, I'm out, I can't do this. And so we went on vacation and got home and the ball glove, went in the closet like legit and it didn't come out for eight years. Yeah, Like not even to play catch with the kids.

Dave: 26:58

I think one time. I think one time. I have a photo of me and Grace one time when she was little, because someone actually gifted her a glove and had her name in you know, kind of embroidered in it and it was very cute. But yeah, I went from my life being softball eating, sleeping, living, training, you know, longing for this particular goal to I don't even want to see a glove, I don't want to see a ball.

Lauren: 27:24

I don't want to see anything. I think they're honest to God. I think there's some PTSD not maybe now, but at the at the time like we didn't talk about it, we didn't rehash it. It was crazy. So we get home and that was in August 2008.

Dave: 27:39

Yep, and then Grace our daughter was born in August of 2009.

Lauren: 27:45

Yeah, Right into it. So now this is where, as all the parents, all of the moms know like things change. And it wasn't just I didn't have as much time, there were other things going on. So walk through one, two, three quick kids.

Dave: 28:02

Yeah, yeah. So we knew we wanted a family. We knew we needed needed just because we had pushed things off. I was training and you're a little older than me, so we knew having you were worried that I wasn't going to be functioning anymore. Not functioning. Just we just knew we needed to start a family soon. We had talked about it and I don't know. So we had three kids in three short years, Literally. Our daughter was born August 2009, 17 months and then 18 months.

Dave: 28:32

Yeah, and then we have one in the middle and then August of 2012, our youngest was born and I don't probably like every mom can relate to. I remember pockets of things. I don't remember everything. I remember feeling okay after Grace, like I kind of had my my wits about me. I didn't feel too different. I think what happened was I went from the Olympics and then, all of a sudden, I was pregnant, so I had something to focus on. I had something to really like dive into and keep my mind off of you know it's a great avoidance strategy.

Dave: 29:09

Absolutely. And so after Grace I felt pretty good, and then I got pregnant right away. I got pregnant when Grace was seven months old or so, seven or eight months old, and by the time Jack came. That's when. That's when for me everything turned mentally.

Lauren: 29:25

I think the other thing in this, just from speaking to so many moms you and this is you you're the next highest level. You were in tune with your body. You'd been in great shape, you had trained and then all of a sudden you don't. Your body's not yours anymore. Essentially, like that's a huge shift that women deal with, which people painted in a beautiful picture. They tell great stories about it. On some level it's so beautiful, it's all true, but what it's? It's awful. At times it's so hard.

Dave: 30:01

I think it can be beautiful, but I also think it can really mess with mom's psyches. But we don't ever want to say that Because if we say that, then the negativity comes pouring in, like we're not grateful and you should be great, you know your bless, that you can have a baby, and all of these negative things come in. Or who cares? It's not about you. All of these things come in, but we, we forget we're still people. It doesn't. I always think of it in terms of we just want to feel like ourselves. It's not like we want anything more. For me, I didn't want anything more than what I was. I just wanted myself back. It's the only person I knew until I was 28 years old and all of a sudden I just didn't even recognize who I was anymore.

Lauren: 30:49

That's in the mirror, that's the things you were saying, the thought patterns. It's not just your body, right? They're no. Yeah, I know it's all of it and I think it. It's hard and I don't think I didn't realize what was going on with you and I know you had no idea, no other than something wasn't right. Okay, so walk into. You start feeling a little bit worse. Every everyone you feel worse, right?

Lauren: 31:11

Yeah, and I think part of it also is when you add a kid right. Like going being pregnant with two kids who need all of your attention, want no part of their dad. That's true. They've pivoted recently. Yeah, um, thank God, but like that's just another stressor. You you had Two years of no sleep. Like that all builds in and so you already feel like shit and then that's the hard part.

Dave: 31:37

The hardest part is a mom. I'll say as a mom, because that's the only person I know how. I'm sure it's the same for parents in general. But as a mom, you, you don't know what's normal. You expect to feel Shitty, because of course, you feel shitty if you just had a baby and you have no sleep and all of these things are going on. So there is no baseline of like. When do we, when do we pass the level of Okay, some things, this isn't, this isn't right, like I kept thinking. I've heard of the baby blues. This must be it. Everyone feels this way, but it just didn't get better and that all that dialogue is internal.

Dave: 32:19

Yeah, I never said a word today.

Lauren: 32:22

Ever to anyone, right? Not your friends, not anybody, no.

Dave: 32:25

I do. I do recall you walking in the door from work Multiple times where I basically just said they're yours and I left. I do remember that a couple times.

Lauren: 32:34

I think you still do that sometimes. Okay, so walk through. Mr William, number three yeah, so.

Dave: 32:43

We have a daughter, grace, and two sons, jack and will, and no, we were not fans of the show, will and grace, we just like the names. Will was a tough nut. He, he was, he was. We didn't know what to do with him. I didn't know what to do with him, and meaning he didn't sleep, he cried. I'd say call a key If you could.

Lauren: 33:05

Yeah allergy type things.

Dave: 33:07

We never really figured it out, we couldn't figure out how to, we can figure out how to to comfort him, to console him, and I think it lasts, you know, anytime would be like, okay, he'd be down, and I remember this. I actually remember this exact episode. I sat down at dinner and I thought, oh, finally, and then it started again and I just was like I was at my wit's end. I mean Legit what was?

Lauren: 33:32

what do you think was going on with you internally?

Dave: 33:35

I don't even remember. All I know is grace was three, jack was one and a half, will didn't stop crying and I was doing everything I could to make it through the day. When I say make it through the day, I'm not exaggerating like literally, it was just I didn't know what to do, except what is the very next thing I can do. I remember I thought I broke my hand multiple times, punching things Like I was losing my mind.

Lauren: 34:03

I think you didn't, because you didn't talk about it. You didn't know. You didn't know two things.

Lauren: 34:08

You didn't know that it was normal, on on some level, to be frustrated and feel terrible, but then, on the next level, you didn't know that it was really abnormal, the depth that you felt right when you talk about punching things and Smashing things in the anger To me that those are the things that later were indicators of like, okay, once I was around more Maybe that's when we shifted careers and things I was around to see it yeah, it made it a lot more evident that, like, something's not Right with this. This isn't you.

Dave: 34:43

But it's hard because and you're doing something you've never done. You know, I always joke that they tell you the size of your baby, you know all the way through pregnancy and then it's like here, they have fingernails at this time and they have hair at this time, and this is what's going on. And then you go to the hospital, you have a baby, or you have your baby at home, wherever it is, and then they're just like okay, see you later. Like there's, there's, you know, there's the books, but it nothing can prepare you. So I had no idea.

Dave: 35:11

I had no idea, I just assumed Everybody felt this way for sure, and you know how you find out that they either do or don't you talk about it, but I wouldn't, because, as a mom because as a mom, when you say things that aren't always positive you know, I remember walking down the street and our neighbor at the time it was my first, it was with Grace as pregnant with grace I was walking down the street and then she's like, oh, so when you do? I said in about a week, and she said, oh my gosh, I'm so excited for you. You're never gonna love anything more than you love this baby. And I had a very difficult birth, very difficult birth.

Dave: 35:45

That's offensive to me and I had a very, very difficult time connecting after and that that moment I remember thinking there's something wrong with me. Oh shit, yeah. Like I didn't have that immediate connection, I I literally needed time by myself after that birth and Talk about a struggle.

Lauren: 36:08

So that's was. It only got worse after number three? Yeah, and it got darker, and so let's jump to the next. Well, two things. It's this good touch point, because we talked about it in the beginning your fierce independence.

Dave: 36:22

Mm-hmm, I do it. I can do it all by myself, you can do it all by yourself quickly, like that.

Lauren: 36:28

you not saying anything I think had was a reflection a little bit of that Mentality like it's an athlete's mentality, it's a mom's mentality, it's somebody that, who was raised like you.

Dave: 36:38

What's funny, speaking of Chicago neighbors, I remember another neighbor said to me oh, you're, you know well, I'm so excited for you. I mean, we lived on a small like. Our street was pretty tight-knit. We knew a lot of the people who were on our street and and she said oh, are you gonna get help? And I was like no, I'm not gonna get help. I got this and she said look to me. She goes why? So you can put on your headstone that you did it all by yourself. And I was like yes, that's why. Because I can Do it by myself, I don't need help.

Lauren: 37:06

I don't need help. Look where it got you.

Dave: 37:08

Yeah.

Lauren: 37:09

So the next, I sold the next milestone. You're reel it back in a little bit three kids in in four years. You're at this point three kids in three years. Essentially Okay, there we go again, deeply Moving into a deep depression, as we found out later. So the best thing to do in that situation is To uproot the family, move somewhere where you don't know anyone and try and restart from scratch, which is what we did Also the worst idea. It was a great idea but it made it even harder. So we I At this point, kind of ran my course with the financial trading industry.

Lauren: 37:54

It was the most amazing experience for 14 years and for two or three years it became hellish Just in terms of what I wanted to do, probably with my life. And we took on some gym ownership in Chicago and got invested in that space and we're into coaching and so we decided to. We Maybe I decided that we needed to move, I needed to get out. We moved back to Ohio, where I am from, and started fresh. We touch back. It was Anybody that's moved. Like what are they?

Lauren: 38:31

It's like death top stressors moving is up there in the top three. And so we get back home. I now I become Probably depressed. I lost a lot of weight. The gym that we were going to open and the income we were going to have fell through when we got back, and so there was no work For about 18 months, which luckily we were able to move through based on, you know, prior work, but it was. This was like when, I think, the depression was exposed for you. Talk about some of those Moments, just so we can get a feel for like what that looked like.

Dave: 39:10

Yeah, I, I remember wanting to move because I knew you were unhappy and although I myself was unhappy, I still was aware enough to Look at our family as a whole. Didn't mean I was, I was Super stoked about any of it, but I I was aware that this, this, this needs to happen. And it's hard to say because I think, for me to move from not feeling well to what I considered baby blues, to depression, to a very long, deep, dark place, the darker than I I knew. I Can look back now and say well, it all makes sense. Right, I was already struggling with Mental health. Right, I was already depressed when we were in Chicago. We move here. I don't know anybody, it's not my, it's not my home, it's not my family. I love your family, but it's still, it's still foreign to me.

Dave: 40:04

Sure, you knew people here I didn't well, but you still knew them and who they were you knew who they were you said change, I hadn't been here but there was some familiarity for you.

Lauren: 40:16

It was an adjustment period for sure, but get into like talk about, but that's a thing you feel I had no friends.

Dave: 40:22

I tried to make him a didn't really work, which I'm the common denominator I wasn't in a good headspace, and when I'm not in a good headspace it's hard to want to go out and meet people like I, just would rather stay inside. We had no income, we had no insurance. We had no, we had nothing. I thought we were gonna be homeless. I thought we were going like to me. The entire world was imploding and I Think the added stress I don't know how much it you know, doug Moore, to push you over the edge.

Dave: 40:55

Yeah, I don't know I don't, maybe I would have felt that way. Anyways, I don't. All I know is what happened and yeah, I went. I went into a massive. I mean, I didn't even want to get out of bed.

Lauren: 41:06

I would say this is a true tailspin. Like no, but you talked about like driving Off of me. Yeah, yeah, like not not necessarily knowing that you wanted to be around.

Dave: 41:16

No, I definitely didn't want to. I didn't Understand this. This might sound extreme, because now that I have myself back, I'm like wow, I can't believe I thought that, but I, I would lay in bed going. I don't understand why people want to live it makes no sense like everything was a chore. Waking up was like a chore, having to go do lunches was a chore, like it was. It took so much Energy to just do a basic thing, nevermind have energy to want to do anything extra meanwhile You're not talking to anybody about it.

Lauren: 41:48

You're hiding in plain sight, right the whole time. No one knew. And this is this is mom, mom, game 101. You're putting out the vibe and the appearance that everything is great.

Dave: 42:00

Yeah, I think there's something. You know, I went through moments where I wasn't functioning, but for the most part I would consider myself a high-functioning, depressed person. I Definitely had my moments where I was, would go to bed at 5 pm and I would just disappear. And you knew when I disappeared, I just was gone for the night.

Lauren: 42:19

Yeah.

Dave: 42:20

But for the most part I was pretty so this is where our memory like hi.

Lauren: 42:25

Yeah what's high-functioning at the time? Like looking back, maybe, but at the life you live now Not high-functioning. Like no, going to bed at 6 pm Isn't high-functioning. Like losing your mind, screaming, is not high-functioning.

Dave: 42:39

No, this is right, this is.

Lauren: 42:41

This is where I sit. I think and this is again from talking to so many moms in our program like I think a common theme amongst moms is Well, they don't know how I'm feeling, my husband doesn't know how I'm feeling, this person doesn't know, we know.

Dave: 42:55

You. It took you a while.

Lauren: 42:56

I didn't know you were deeply depressed. I didn't understand depression or you know the diagnosis. I knew you weren't you like yeah, you doesn't smash things, you doesn't go to bed at 6, you doesn't not take care of your body?

Lauren: 43:09

Yeah like it wasn't, it wasn't right. The business was really hard like Move, move it along into, yeah, kind of the rock bottom moment, all like everything in it. We laugh about it now so it doesn't sound I'm sure it doesn't sound as Dark as it was like a lot of conversations about what do we like? I Probably led them what, what are we doing? Like this isn't working. And then we like I felt like this is just me. I felt like I was dragging, like pulling you through a lot of times and I was never not gonna do it, but it became heavy for sure.

Dave: 43:54

You were heavy lift.

Lauren: 43:56

I don't know how else to put it, but I remember like, specifically, we ended up and like we did sneak away. We tried to do the things right. We tried to get away. We went to San Francisco on a vacation, we met my brother there and we're one of the things we've always wanted to do is go to Mir woods, right, so we get to Mir woods and it's this unbelievable idyllic day. Anyone that's been there knows we're hiking and Lauren didn't say a word for two hours. We have a picture of the day, everything's. I Didn't realize until afterwards. Like To like you talk about it.

Dave: 44:34

You probably have a different perspective than me. All I know is I was having pretty much a panic attack. I just things were. Things were very the way I would Word. It is just. This is very wrong. Something's very wrong. I didn't want to be there. I couldn't breathe. I just kept staring at my feet. I was just like foot, step, step, step, like over this thing, step, and it was just like I felt like the world was Closing in on me.

Dave: 45:02

But the way I physically but the way I describe it, as it wasn't because we are in Mir woods, I just I would have had that feeling anyways and, and just for context, we were not in a good spot Financially, we were not in a good spot business-wise. And I remember I quit and you fired me, like the night before you quit.

Lauren: 45:20

I was the first time I let you quit.

Dave: 45:23

I've quit our business a lot not this one, the old one and yeah, I just I could. I just like felt like I couldn't do it anymore. I was exhausted and I think that ex like I wasn't able to pretend Anymore, I wasn't able to try, I just I was done.

Lauren: 45:46

I was done. Essentially, you had been acting in a one-man play for six years in a row.

Dave: 45:51

Yeah, I always say that I could probably show up every night.

Lauren: 45:54

Yeah, put on the performance every day.

Dave: 45:56

That's what I say when I'm high functioning. I know I wasn't at home, but like when we were, when we own a business, I have to show up. I'm the. I was a face. Technically we were together, but but I was out there and I was coaching and you know I have all the smiles and like be healthy. And we got. And then I would come home because it would take every ounce of energy and then I'd be done, but I was able to at least go do that and I think I hit the spot where I just was. I couldn't do it anymore. I was exhausted, yeah.

Lauren: 46:26

Yeah, so essentially that breakdown from the hotel in San Francisco I called and made. I made an appointment for your therapy, your first, and this is something that I had tried before, even when you found out about me asking about it.

Dave: 46:43

You lost my mind. Yeah, you lost it.

Lauren: 46:46

I didn't not, that did not go well for me, but I it was like the final straw, like it was truly rock bottom, I think. When I found out that you had thought about like not living anymore, like those were where I started to get worried. I had experience with suicide in my past with a best friend, and so I know it's a serious Thing and to charge into it and address it rather than sit on it. So I think that was one of the things. It was like okay, we're not fucking around with this anymore.

Lauren: 47:17

Yeah and so let's talk about the road back because, like we started off with this life, you've got businesses and kids and you're happy and you're healthy mentally now and strong and leading again. And then you arrived at this rock bottom place. How did you come back?

Dave: 47:36

the first thing I'll say is I Don't know, but I don't think, because I can't predict something a path that I didn't take. I don't think it. I would have been able to if you weren't. You were really my advocate to start, like I couldn't be my own Advocate, I couldn't make a therapy appointment. I didn't, I wouldn't do it. I was nervous to cough fucking, couldn't even order pizza, like I wasn't. I wasn't in the right mind to Get help, and so I. You were the, the Lily pad, I think the time you're the tugboat because I was not doing it.

Dave: 48:10

You were like dread you were. You're dragging me along.

Lauren: 48:13

It's better than Lily pad.

Dave: 48:16

Well, I'm thinking like the next step, something that wasn't wasn't very hard for me because you essentially did that work I wouldn't go to the doctor, I wouldn't go to the doctor. So you called the phlebotomist. They came to our house it was 7 30 in the morning because I would not leave the house to go get my blood work done, I just wouldn't do it. That's the space, the, the head space that I was in, and I Remember losing my mind after you call in the therapist, because we live in a small town, and I was like everyone's gonna think I'm crazy. Well, actually no, now everyone's gonna know I'm crazy, which is different because I knew I was crazy.

Lauren: 48:49

I knew by that point, after seeing some of the episodes like it. Honestly it was a bit dire.

Dave: 48:57

Yeah, it was bad and I think I, I think I knew that. I think when I Again I'm trying to recall what I felt in the moment and it's it's hard, but I believe that I knew this is really bad, like that was part of the reason why I was willing to go was I could know I there was no more space for me To just flail. I was, I was, at the end, done like it was either Something very bad was gonna happen or I go get help. And for anyone that's ever experienced depression I I've written about it before trying to capture the words it's very difficult to explain and if you've never had those feelings, it's very difficult to understand. And that's one of the reasons why I didn't want to share how I was feeling was because when I said the words, even the words in my brain, I'm like, unless you know what this feels like, it doesn't even sound like it can be real and so it. That's part of the reason.

Dave: 49:55

And the other reason why it's difficult to share is because, even though I I was disconnected, I was empty, I didn't have any feels whatsoever, I Still Understood on a logical level, like I knew, that I had this amazing life. I knew, even though I couldn't feel it. I had this amazing husband, these amazing kids, and I didn't want to cause you pain. I didn't want to cause the kids pain. So why would I share something so dark when all I knew was it was not something that you would want to hear? I'm trying to do it to protect you and me both. That was kind of my thought process and I. The only thing I can say is there's a Million angles as to why I personally and I'm sure other other people you know can understand this why we keep things to ourselves. I went on a tangent there. What was I talking about?

Lauren: 50:51

That's a faux-faux piece.

Dave: 50:54

No, it's not a faux-faux but but that's yeah, it's not a faux-faux piece, it's. I acknowledged at that point that if I didn't do something I was out of options. But you were the one that get. You were the one that got the ball rolling and I will never forget. I went to therapy and I remember sitting on her couch and I was like Everything's great ship shape got this great family. I spent three sessions Explaining to my therapist why my life was awesome. It was just what I did. I just Constantly was showing everybody that everything's fine.

Dave: 51:28

So I'm paying my therapist to lie and Not get results, because I was afraid to tell someone what I really felt, because that's just what I had done that for so long I had just pretended for so long. It's uncomfortable to tell people how you really feel. But it wasn't until I shared and I'll never forget it. I didn't necessarily Get better and I say that in quotes. I didn't necessarily get better after my first honest therapy session, because anything magical happened in that moment, except I remember sitting on the couch at a couch and I just kind of went I don't have to do this by myself anymore Like it felt so good not to hold Everything that I've been thinking and feeling In, like I just set it out and I was like that felt good, that felt really good. Now I've got a lot of work to do, and I knew I had a lot of work to do, but it was the first moment that I remember thinking this doesn't feel as heavy as it did.

Lauren: 52:33

It's a little bit of the moment we talk about with the moms, right, it's like you're driving on a trip and your windshield is completely caked in dust and dirt. You can't even see where you're going. There's no way to drive like the first step is clearing the windshield. You have to clear the windshield to be able to see a path forward, yeah, and to take the weight off and give yourself the ability to drive a little bit. And I think just opening up and being honest, like that's the foundational piece, like we can talk about work that's foundational and therapy and hormones and whatever physical things and mental training, but like, unless you're dead, as honest it's not, it's not gonna work.

Lauren: 53:12

And I in again, that's something that I think a lot of the women that we work with we that's a major Point that we help with and I mean that's the whole first part of her program.

Dave: 53:24

For that reason, oh for sure.

Lauren: 53:27

But it starts in that first conversation, I think, just being open to the conversation, right, and when we ask in the program and and even before that, questions to make you stop and think, and then you see a little bit of glimmer of hope and then it feels good to share and then you realize that this is a foundational piece and move it. So many people aren't in a position or around a program or have a coach or a therapist to work with and they struggle, they can't unlock the very first piece.

Dave: 53:59

It's conditioned in with feeling like you're a good mom, though that's you know. I don't want to share that. I'm struggling being a mom. Back to the original point.

Lauren: 54:08

I can do it myself right. I keep up appearances, it's. It's a societal thing, it's mom game 101.

Dave: 54:15

Most, most times, were I. This is what I have found in my own life when I, when I was struggling and with moms that we talk to that are struggling, we're more concerned with showing an appearance that things are great than actually having them great. And I know the thing I liken it to is you know, you look at a house we want the outside of our house to be perfectly manicured where people walk by and go, wow, that's a really nice looking house, they really take care of their stuff. Then you walk in and it's a just a shit show. It's just, it's filthy and disorganized. And I would, I, you actually know this, because this is true fracture on home.

Dave: 54:47

You, you like the outside. You care about the outside more than I do. I would rather I don't care what, what my perception is anymore. I mean, we all have that a little bit. I'm not going to say that I'm a human being. So of course I have. I have my moments of, you know, caring what other people think, but it is so much less now. I care about actually loving my life. Not, do you think I love my life? Does my look good? Does my like life look good to you? It's no. What can I do today so I can peacefully put my head to bed at night, going like I fucking love my life?

Lauren: 55:18

So why don't, why don't we talk about the things that got you there?

Dave: 55:20

Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's get into it get into it.

Lauren: 55:23

We're just now getting into it. Yeah, okay, we've been into no.

Dave: 55:26

so therapy for me was step number one being honest, being being completely honest, raw and you know I know people love the word vulnerability right now. It's an inward, but I think it matters, and I needed to first be honest with myself, because I would trick myself into saying I'm fine, everything's fine. You know, this is normal.

Lauren: 55:48

I had to be honest with myself first, and then I had to be honest with the people that were around me, were you as a question for you and I don't know if I've ever asked you were you surprised at the acceptance? Like, were you worried that I wasn't going to be around or I didn't have time for that vault? Like, when you come clean with this, is these are the thoughts I'm having. I feel like complete shit. I know I'm not available. Like were you worried at all that it would change our dynamic? I would pull back.

Dave: 56:15

I don't think I was ever worried that you would pull back. I don't think I was ever worried I would lose your support. I was more worried about me coming across as super weak. I was more. I was more worried about that because you, you've always been Support again, this is probably goes back to the story that we told about going to the Olympics. Like you've always been supportive, I I've never and I'm very fortunate, thank you, love you. That I've never. I've never felt like, oh gosh, if I don't do this, he's not going to support me I. That's something I think that's been foundational From my perspective in our marriage is your support has always been there. I have. I was worried about Appearing and just showing that I, I can't do something as basic as be a mom and a human being and that, to me, was a weak State and it was more so embarrassing to be dead honest than anything.

Lauren: 57:23

Do you think part of that was based on like being a high performer athlete right?

Dave: 57:28

any weakness like that's not something that was a part of you that and and as a mom, I remember having this thought I would be not well, mel, not mentally well losing my mind, punching things, like. I remember taking a you know those baby blankets and I would. I was hitting a chair and I just like I was losing my mind. You're at work at this time and I remember having this thought that none of my friends are Like this, it's only me. So it's. It's, yes, the athlete part, but it's also. There are billions of moms out there. I Can't do this like. This is what everyone seems to be able to do and do. Well, right, we look at other people's lives and we think, well, they've got their shit together. I'm a frickin hot mess. So it wasn't, it was the athlete, but it was also the the basics of being a mom. That, to me, was embarrassing sitting here, going. How can I not figure this out? And I couldn't.

Lauren: 58:29

And that sucked. Those are the moments I think communication with other moms and being in a community of moms that are open to sharing I know there aren't many, I know we have one with strong mom and we get to witness it. But the fact, like you don't talk about it much, I can speak for myself. Like there are times on, like I want to believe me. I think you know I want to be a good dad. There's times I suck at being a dad and being able to talk to somebody and say, yo, this is a really tough thing for me. I can't deal with this. I don't know. Pick something about kids and sports, right, and so knowing that someone's like, oh man, I get it. Like, totally seen it, I've been there. Like People don't have that right now. Unless you find the right community, it's impossible.

Dave: 59:11

Yes, and back then, like, think about it. I'm talking about back in 2012, so we're talking almost over 10 years ago now. I think the conversation and there's more opportunities now, more not saying they're everywhere. Yeah, it's finding it because you have to be the one to initiate, right? So I'm looking at my best friends. I've got the best friends in Chicago. That was why it was very difficult to leave the best friends ever in Chicago. I didn't want to be the one that brought up hey, are you feeling depressed at all? Because I'm clearly admitting that I do. So it's who's gonna be the first person to start that conversation? Because I'll tell you this, the first time I ever shared how Dark I was was I went on a podcast by Kerry doll called.

Dave: 59:57

It was actually called the inner circle with Kerry doll and I had met her, you know through through some friends, and she, she, she know my story and that I was training, you know, for the Olympics and that I went through depression and so she and I'm a mama three and she's like I really want to capture the story. And I remember I went, did her podcast. She called me or text, don't call me. She texted me and said your Episode is live. And I went to the bathroom and I thought I was like heaving over the toilet. I thought I was gonna throw up and I thought what did I just do? Why? Why would I say that stuff out loud, where everybody can hear me? I was so. I Almost I didn't, because it's not my podcast. I almost texted her and said can you please take it down? I do. I've decided I don't want to share that anymore.

Dave: 1:00:45

And the reason I'm telling the story is I had to go to our gym. We owned the only business we had at that time was our gym track and I remember walking in freaking. My face was as red, as Like, as red as could be. And I remember walking in and I saw one of our members and she had listened to it and she said to me thank you for sharing that. I'm gonna cry. But I remember thinking, oh my gosh, I thought I was gonna be, you know, embarrassed about this episode. So many Moms messaged me that I went. Oh my gosh, I had no idea these people had either struggled or could.

Dave: 1:01:32

If you can empathize, you have some of those feelings, because you can't empathize unless you Know, or they knew, someone who did and didn't know how to help them. And I had that moment of Super regret. And then it was just inbox message, message, message, email see people at the gym and I it was like, okay, this is a conversation that needs to be had. And now I'm glad I said it. And the more I talk about it, the easier it is for me to be more and more okay with how everything was, because it's a much needed conversation. But it is difficult being the first person to just say, hey, are you feeling this way? Because if everyone says no, then you're just kind of like okay, yeah, me neither.

Lauren: 1:02:13

I think that's the power of the community that you've created, or our team and everyone's created. Yeah, strong mom, is that it's a place Because people live in small towns or their social circles can be small, or they're at the country club or at their Corporate job or whatever. It looks like that social circles very small. You don't feel safe Sometimes because it can affect the way people look at you, can affect things at work. If you can step out and have a place to go, a safe Environment and I don't I'm not a big, you know me. I don't love safe space. It's a real space is what it is.

Lauren: 1:02:47

Yeah, it's a real space that the conversations reeled and people are accepting and understanding it can work. So I know you want to go somewhere, but I want to take. You haven't gotten into what the actual Things that you did work. Yeah, yeah like, so we started with therapy.

Dave: 1:03:06

Yep therapy. I went and got my blood work done and when my blood work came back it was pretty jacked up In terms of my hormones. I'm not. What I'm attributing. Attributing it to is having three kids in three years and never really recovering back to just my normal human functioning body.

Lauren: 1:03:23

For sure.

Dave: 1:03:24

I went to three different doctors and every doctor was just. They couldn't understand how my levels were so off and I didn't have other symptoms besides mental ones. Right, Like I wasn't overweight. I wasn't like I had a lot of muscle mass for a woman. There are all these little things that they you were terribly lethargic.

Lauren: 1:03:42

Terribly lethargic mental struggles yeah one and one of the things. Let's get back to the therapy part, because that opens you up right the hormones, kind of puts you in the right place. Yeah to deal with the other things. And then it became so Essentially, you had a coach with a therapist Yep. What was the next?

Dave: 1:03:59

Well, I started doing all of the things. I started doing the things that I always had done in the past. I started working out again.

Lauren: 1:04:05

Such a big piece.

Dave: 1:04:07

I ate like a freaking adult for you.

Lauren: 1:04:09

I just want to jump in. You've always been in phenomenal shape, right, mostly that during that period it was different. You probably weren't in as Great a shape. I think it. It's foundational, though, like mentally, for your mental side, when you can put time into the gym, yeah, and movement it makes a difference. But then the next thing is that put you in a position to kind of it gave you momentum, let's say, therapy, some blood work, training again, eating better, but you dove into. You read every yeah, so you could.

Lauren: 1:04:42

You really went down the rabbit hole of performance psychology, yep.

Dave: 1:04:45

Yep, I spent two years when I started to Really dive into figuring out how to make myself feel better. I woke up an hour early. I would so at five in the morning, which that wasn't you know. Instead of getting up at six, I would be up at five. We would. I would go to the basement we have a treadmill in the basement and I would listen. I would walk two miles and I would listen to certain podcasts or certain books, and it just got my day started off on the right foot. I was introduced again through listening to mental performance coaches, and you know everybody that I aligned with and the way they thought into how to create a life that you love, right?

Lauren: 1:05:24

And it's not about again. The important thing is it's not about creating a body. No, you love that. Everyone. That's a whole. Another issue is that that becomes people's focus and it's really. It's more a symptom of the internal piece. Yes and so you watching you and it was fun for me because I got to be on board, but you essentially and we could each read and communicate about it, but accumulated so much information and knowledge. You were on people's podcasts and this is the time that you essentially Got asked to come back and play.

Lauren: 1:05:58

Yeah, and so you're introduced now to more world-class mindset coaching through the team and you're working with Navy SEALs and you're working with Executive coaches that come to the team all all sorts of stuff around that and so it wasn't just one piece right.

Dave: 1:06:14

No, it was all of it, and I Understood that. The physical this is, and this is where strong mom was built from, essentially. But I understood how my physical work really Supported the mental work I was doing and the emotional work I was doing, and I finally understood that I could, regardless of how much time I had in my day, there was something I could work on to get better, and and that's what I focused on is what could I do today to get better? And when I say get better, I just mean feel better, you know, increase the quality of my time with people. And, yeah, I mean I've been, I'd say, fortunate, but I also worked my ass off to get you.

Lauren: 1:06:53

I created my own luck in this particular case the other the thing alongside that, I think there are tactics, right, because there are mindset ways to think in, in theoretical things and mental things to work through. But tactically, we also Worked with probably one of the top for me, maybe the top nutritionists in the world in Dr Casci, right. So you learn tactics on how to manage your day, manage your food, manage sleep and things like that. And then we found Again one of the top mindset coaches in William, right. And so learning how to visualize and put those practices into place, like it's hard to express how much work and accumulated, um, not just tactics, like I said, but the knowledge around it, right, to build the system. It wasn't one thing, right.

Lauren: 1:07:44

I think that's again, the beauty of what you've built with Strong Mom is that all of these things are distilled down because they're not always built for moms. Like, mom's life is wild, yep, the, the chauffeuring and the sheffing and the you know, mediator between the kids and keeping, uh, and helping keep the marriage in a great place, all of the things like that's. What's special when I look at it is that all of these things are now distilled down. It's like a shortcut essentially. Yeah, you've pulled from all the best places in the world and built it for someone just like you. Like it's the things that you've done which.

Dave: 1:08:25

I think is fascinating. It drives me nuts when it's like just count your macros and lose weight and your life will be different. I'm like how's your life going to be different? Who has like?

Lauren: 1:08:33

who wants to just do work on like this one area, your chances are, if you're listening to this, you've been pedaled some sort of weight loss only formula over and over again.

Dave: 1:08:45

But that we talked about that. I would always ask myself how can this make my life better? Right and I and I look at my through my lens is is my entire life and well, it's not just your life, it's no, it's all, but that's what I mean. My life is my kids, it's you, it's what we are creating, it is my, you know, extended family, your extent, it's it's. It's our friends, it's it's everything, it's your world.

Dave: 1:09:09

It's our world, yeah, and I think that that to me is more exciting. That, to me, gets me excited to get up and work, cause I'm not just working just on this one thing. I just know they all bleed into each other. Every if I'm, if I'm reading a book, I know that I'll be able to take whatever it is and apply it to all these different areas of my life. Or I'll read a book while I'm going for a run even better, right, like those are. Those are the things I had to do in order to try and get as much done as possible, and, again, we are. If you're listening to this, you're most likely a mom and you know that there's just a lot that comes at us. There is a way to manage it, though. That's the one thing I want everyone to get out of.

Dave: 1:09:52

This is there is a way to manage it, to manage all of the curve balls that we're throwing, all the hats that we wear, because we only have this one shot, and I'll be the first to say you know, I've said this to a lot of people we only have this one life, and I don't believe in regrets, and I know that I spent six years. Six years vacant that's probably the best word I can use to describe it right now. I've spent six years not being myself, not being connected to my family, and I don't necessarily have any regrets. I can't do anything about the past, but I'm fricking on point with figuring out how to not waste any more time. There is a way to do that, and it's pretty exciting, and so that's that's what really gets me excited now.

Dave: 1:10:38

It gets me excited when I see our moms go oh my gosh, like I did this. I spent time with my kids, we made this new cookie and it was the most amazing memory, and you know there's a huge smile on their face. And you know, four months ago they told me that they have no time to do anything. So there is a way. It's just. It takes work, and but the work's worth it Not not always easy, but always worth it. Yeah.

Lauren: 1:11:03

I think the hardest part from speaking with all of our all of our moms is that we have moms in over the past few years is getting that initial moment in the beginning when they can just say you know what, it's not what I want, yeah, and feeling that it's okay to say that.

Dave: 1:11:20

I was going to say that Don't that's. It is okay to want to have an amazing life.

Lauren: 1:11:26

You can love your life now and want more.

Dave: 1:11:29

You can love your life now and want more. There's nothing wrong with that.

Lauren: 1:11:34

It's like you know you can also think your life kind of sucks right now and can be better. Yeah, like that's the other thing. Like there. The reality is like we all go through troughs, right. Like I would say like for us there were times in our life it wasn't great, like walking down the street yelling at each other, like that's not great. Right, it's okay. It's not a pretty picture, it's not a happy ending, it's not ice cream and rainbows.

Dave: 1:11:56

But it was needed.

Lauren: 1:11:58

It had to happen. That's the other thing I was going to say. It's admitting that it's not what you want and that it's going to be better. It's not feeling okay about it, but then deciding you actually do, saying out loud. The second part is I do want more.

Lauren: 1:12:12

Yeah, right, because unfortunately, like we talk about, like the enemy of great is good, so many people are comfortable being in the good zone. Yeah, you have to force your way out of that and you and it's okay, like society, you know they want you to stay in your place, they want you to be good, because it makes people around you uncomfortable. If you're happy, or if you look your best, or if you and your husband are hanging on each other at the party, like people give you the side eye. I personally think that's bullshit and, again, that's an environment piece. If you're around people that support you being your best, it's a lot easier. But being willing to say that, right, and it's going to know that it's going to make people around you a little uncomfortable to start, but you got to go for it, like that's one thing I think is awesome. Um, we, we have fought and struggled and we did this whole thing where you broke things and I probably broke a spatula.

Lauren: 1:13:12

I broke a spatula, your favorite spatula is a bummer, huge, bummer, big egg guy.

Dave: 1:13:18

And so.

Lauren: 1:13:18

I can't make eggs with my favorite spatula. It's kind of pisses me off. But like we fought and we got through, like that's, and once you get through a little shit, it's easier the next time. That's. The cool thing is now I think we're at a point where, like I told someone yesterday, like when we know we have to hash something out, it's like all right, let's do it, let's yell for a little bit, and then it's better.

Dave: 1:13:40

And we don't hold grudges anymore, which is well. Okay, sorry, I'll speak for myself. I don't hold grudges anymore. Um no, we like get it, we move on, and but here's okay. Here's the beauty of that, though the more you practice something, the better you get. So you practice tough conversations, you get better at tough conversations. You practice working out. You get better at working out. You practice, you know, reading 10 pages a day. You get better at reading 10 pages a day. We practice a lot, but we don't. Well, I'll speak for myself.

Dave: 1:14:07

I don't expect everything to be perfect. My definition of success is I'm better than I was and I'm continually, and then if, in a month, two months, a year from now, I'm better than than I am now, that's success. I still have bad days. Like I just said, I just had a moment where I had to apologize to every member in our family for not showing up my best, and I was extremely stressed and I did not handle myself very well. Doesn't mean I'm not going to have those moments. I did. I came, I picked my, our daughter, up from volleyball practice with a peace offering of a pulp smoothie and some peppermint.

Lauren: 1:14:42

I think I told you you were acting like a prick. You did yeah.

Dave: 1:14:45

And I was and I was. The point, though, is I, I can look and laugh, and you actually said to me today, because that was just yesterday oh, it's nice to see you have some self awareness again. I but that but that's what I did is I've shortened the window of my prickishness and my coldness and my craziness. I've shortened the window. It doesn't mean I don't have them, and that I think I just wanted to share, because things aren't always rainbows and unicorns, and I still go through ruts. I just pull myself out faster, and I'm better at doing it than I was a year ago.

Lauren: 1:15:17

You've built a system to do it Like you have a framework, you have reliable practices that you've gathered from all these incredible places and put into into a place where you can draw from them, right, and so you have tools in your toolbox now. Do you like that analogy? It's a thing that you didn't have before, when you were depressed, you had no foundation, you were a lone wolf, you were operating alone and you didn't have a toolbox, right and so that essentially to to wheel around. That's how we got here.

Dave: 1:15:48

Yeah.

Lauren: 1:15:49

And that's how everyone going back oh, lauren's three time Olympian now Not a list, we didn't even touch on that. Um, the whole Olympic experience the next time around, but which is a whole set of ups and downs there, but the companies and the family seems happy to me and you Right, yeah, as reported by them.

Dave: 1:16:09

As far as we know, yeah.

Lauren: 1:16:10

Right, you just never know. We have a yes. So I think again you went through just an absolute pile.

Dave: 1:16:19

And I know we're wrapping it up here but the one thing that I've learned is the actions that I chose, the decisions I made long time ago, are coming to life today. I and that's again through some of the work that I've done mentally, it's you know I don't wake up and have a workout and feel like the best I'm ever going to feel, ever that exact day. It's just compounding over time. Right, and when I talk about the journey and what I really want to get through to, to moms in particular, cause that's just my, my passion of working with moms, but it's you can create an action today and you might not see that result that you're looking for immediately. It's that that you know, immediate reward. But I look back and I think, okay, well, how did I get to the Olympics? Well, it wasn't because I trained just for the Olympics. It's I chose not to go to to a lot of parties I won't say any, but a lot of parties. In high school, I chose to spend my time in the gym before school. I chit like. These actions that I did now created this opportunity for me. Same thing I didn't wake up one day, and you know this. I didn't wake up one day and say, man, it's really nice to have my life back. It's. I decided that I was going to be honest with my therapist. That was a very you made the therapy appointment for me. And then I made the decision that I was going to be honest with my therapist. Then, over time, very slowly, small enough where I couldn't even recognize at the time how impactful those little actions were. But I can look back now and say I actually created the result I have in my life today. Five years ago I decided this and therefore I built on it and built on it and built on it. Every workout is building. Every, you know, choice that I'm making nutritionally is building. Every choice that I make to skip um, not skip but actually do the workout when I really don't want to, is building. Every time I do make a decision, it's, it's setting me up and I can look back and say, oh okay, I see the decisions that I made that created the results that I want. And I also see the decisions that I made, such as I don't want to go ask for help, I don't want to go say what I'm really feeling, I don't want. That also created the reality that it had later and it's it's empowering to know that I actually have control, more control than I've ever given myself credit for in my life and creating the life that I want.

Dave: 1:18:46

You want a good, we want a good marriage. We know we need to have our date nights. That's an action, right? We don't just wake up one day and say, man, what a marriage we have. Like it takes work and it takes planning and it takes doing the differences in the doing, and I think that's something that I want to to, really, as we especially go through these podcast episodes and as I share with the moms that we work with, I just want them to understand they have a lot more power than they give themselves credit for. It's just it might not show up right away and that's very defeating, because it's like, oh, I went to therapy and I don't feel better with the point, don't want to spend the time, don't want to spend the money. I had to do it and then do it and do it, and I still go, and my first, my first therapy appointment was in 2018.

Lauren: 1:19:27

So where do you think community fits in that environment, like your environment happened to be you touched on earlier, but the family, like Yep, I feel like, for whatever reason, I was there and supportive, like I was your environment, absolutely. You weren't going anywhere else Like there. That's maybe the really the most powerful thing again is the community of strong mom, is it's in this environment. Now you're, you're in your, you've created your own environment right For the women and for the other, the people, our own coaches, even, like you're surrounded now by other kind of forward thinking. You know vulnerable, amazing women and so like that plays a to me just looking in, that plays a huge, huge part, because those conversations and that support doesn't happen even from our best friends, because those are the people that it's hardest to open up around.

Dave: 1:20:15

Yeah, you want everything. You want everything put together for your best friends, or your best friends. You want to show your best self, right?

Lauren: 1:20:20

You don't want to burden them with your, your crap.

Dave: 1:20:23

Yeah, um, one of the things I say and I think it was a James clear quote. I don't know if you got it from somewhere, but environment is the invisible hand that shapes you, and when you're surrounded by people who are doing the things and striving for similar things that you want, that's just what you consider normal. So when I'm around people who are just saying, here's this shit sandwich of life that I have, it makes me feel more comfortable in sharing the shit sandwich in life that I have, but it also shows, um, that they're doing something about it. Right, that's the one thing that that in our, in our community, we're very, very particular on is we're not just like a venting, like post and ghost I, you know, puke all the negative stuff and then leave. It's like, no, we're going through this tough time, or I'm going through this tough time.

Dave: 1:21:05

Um, how, like, what can I do to get better? How can I get better? So I just think it's being around people who are willing to be honest, being around people who are doing the things that you want to do working out, planning, you know, creating a life that they love and supporting and encouraging is. I mean, it's either gonna. What do we say it's either gonna support or deny whatever goals that you're going for. I think it's, it's. I should do a whole episode on that.

Lauren: 1:21:33

You should, so we will have more episodes coming. It's time to wrap it up.

Dave: 1:21:38

Yes.

Lauren: 1:21:38

You said it all I probably said too much. It's perfect. So that, essentially, is what got us to this point. Yeah, um, not enough time to really get into the details, but I'm sure we're going to share more down the road. I appreciate everyone showing up to listen. Make sure.

Dave: 1:21:55

Yeah, thanks for listening.

Lauren: 1:21:57

We like subscribe on YouTube, we download episodes and, if you are kind enough, as we build this thing, it would honestly mean a lot to both of us if you would leave us a review. That's the only way to get the word out. Literally, click the old five star wherever you're listening and say how wonderful it is to listen to Lauren and how and how funny I am. It will help spread the good word.

Dave: 1:22:21

Yeah, and as we go through more episodes, if you think of a friend, please share. Share it with a friend. We have a free Facebook group. It is called strong mom physical, mental and emotional mastery. Feel free to find us there and at Lauren, regular Yep. On Instagram, so I'm going to be sharing more tips and tricks. We're going to get into more tactics and and things to help you in your life along the way, but we definitely wanted to set up, set up strong mom and and let you kind of know who we are.