The Strong Mom Podcast

The 3 D’s to Success

• Lauren Regula | Strong Mom • Episode 7

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Every triumph in my life has been fueled by three powerful forces: dedication, determination, and desire. Alongside my husband Dave, I pull back the curtain on how these forces have acted as cornerstones in our personal and professional journeys, shaping our paths through sports, personal hurdles, and the entrepreneurial world. We share the wisdom of those who have forged the way before us and delve into the significance of who delivers life's most impactful advice.

This episode is a homing beacon for those seeking the true north of purpose and passion. Hear about my devotion to softball, rooted in love for the game and a quest for personal bests, and join the conversation about the complexities of visibility and comparison in the digital age. Dave and I lay bare the necessity of identifying your purpose, illustrating how it becomes the heartbeat of dedication across all life's arenas, from health to family to career. We also tackle the real talk on grit, that intangible quality that often tips the scales in the face of challenge.

Finally, we wrap up with the emotional powerhouse behind it all: desire. In our Strong Mom program, we've seen firsthand how a robust emotional 'why' can spark enduring effort and triumph over adversity. We invite you to explore how harnessing positive emotions can send you soaring towards your goals, overcoming our innate focus on risks. To all the moms out there, we extend our hands through our Strong Mom community, aiming to empower you to shine in every facet of life. Join us for an episode that not only celebrates the unyielding spirit of motherhood but also provides a guiding light for personal fulfillment and success.

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Lauren:

Whatever your goal is, you need to figure out the purpose of that goal.

Dave:

Pick your goal, choose your wife.

Lauren:

You might have to fail a hundred times, but on the hundred and first you've got it.

Dave:

If you do the work and work on a positive emotion, it's game changing.

Lauren:

The deeper you go, the faster you'll grow. We quit before we see success. Welcome to the Strong Mom podcast. I'm Lauren, creator of Strong Mom, where we help moms get stronger physically, mentally, emotionally so they can lead the lives that they are meant to lead and lead their families.

Dave:

I'm Dave. Hi, Dave, Hi. I'm the husband, co-host, co-pilot. Let's go.

Lauren:

Co-everything. Let's do this Today. We are going to talk about kind of a recipe or a formula for success. That's very near and dear to me, something that I learned a long time ago. But when I break down all of the kind of events in my life where I wanted to reach a goal or I was somewhere and I wanted to get somewhere else, these three traits always stick out.

Dave:

So we're going to talk about this. So tell me before you go into that, why would have you been successful in Like? Where do you think in your life these have applied?

Lauren:

See, this is why we have Dave here. So whether it was training for softball from a young age, I learned these three. I'm going to call them the 3Ds, I'm going to get into them. I learned them when I was probably 13 years old, and whether it was on the field, whether it was making an Olympic team, whether it was standing on an Olympic podium, whether it was getting out of depression, starting a business, then another business, marriage, literally every single area of my life I can peel back the way I got from where I was to hey, I actually hit that goal, or I got pretty damn close.

Dave:

All right, that's better. Okay, it makes more sense that you have been successful in quite a few areas, right we talked about earlier. Only take direction from people that have been where you want to go, so I think you're a great example for a lot of people, maybe even me.

Lauren:

I'll say it oh, you're being really nice to me today.

Dave:

Killing it. It was an agenda.

Lauren:

All right. So I want to talk about the 3Ds and I want to share where they came from and I want to break down how they can apply to you in literally every single area of your life. And but first let me get into where it came from. So when I was young I'm going to say 13 years old I loved softball. I loved all sports, but I really loved softball and my dad and I would grab our gloves and we would walk down through the path to the school my elementary school, glenmary Elementary and I would pitch and there was a backstop there. It was amazing. Actually side note, the divot that I made when I was 17,. By the time I was 17 years old I'm 42 now just got removed because they're building a new school, but it had been there for that long. So it was just our place. And one day I was pitching and this old man walked by and my dad actually knew him. He played peewee hockey with his son and he gave me a little pep talk in the way I remember it.

Dave:

He saw you throwing it over the backstop probably.

Lauren:

Maybe he thought I needed the pep talk, but the gist of his talk and I can't remember exactly what he said, but he said something along the lines of you can get anywhere and achieve any goal as long as you have the three D's. Three D's dedication, determination and desire. So from that point on, my dad and I, every time I would go throw a bullpen or practice or whatever it was, we would recite the three D's dedication, determination, desire. I can make anything happen, I can get anywhere, I want to go if I have those three things. So I want to break those down for you today.

Dave:

I think it's super interesting because I knew this story, but I thought your dad came up with it. And now I know this guy who feels a little bit like master splinter. I've pictured him like hobbling with like a cane. No one's ever seen him or spoken to him before and he like drops this bomb on you. All of a sudden you're standing on the podium in Tokyo and you're like I remember master splinter from. Glenn Mary elementary.

Lauren:

Was he even a real person? Master Frank, he was, and you know, this is a really good point. Which master Frank? I actually was asking myself, as we were. As I was prepping for this podcast, I asked myself, I wonder if I would have taken so easily to these concepts if my dad were the one to say it, because, you know, it's easier to kind of push back from your parents.

Dave:

That's awesome. I think that is so true. Anyone with kids can probably relate to that right. You just need someone else to say the thing.

Lauren:

Yeah.

Dave:

It's not the message. It's almost always the messenger.

Lauren:

Yeah, for sure. And just, you never know where I'm going to go on our podcast. Our daughter came home. She was went to her volleyball practice, was a little late coming out to the car and I was like, hey, what's going on? You're 15 minutes late, which, as a parent, I missed the email that said they're going to be getting out 15 minutes late. But they had a nutritionist come and speak to their whole club and she just kind of sheepishly smiled and said, yeah, she said a lot of the things that I already knew, that you've told me, and the dads told me most of the stuff that she's recommended we have. But it was so, so funny. It's just, you're right, it's not necessarily the message, it is the messenger.

Dave:

Can I give another example? Oh gosh, please, how many times this is awesome. How many times did you come home from therapy and you're like? You said that before I?

Lauren:

think every time it wasn't the message.

Dave:

Oh, it's the best, it's true it happens probably more husband and wife, or at least as much as with parent child.

Lauren:

It's true, this isn't about this. This podcast is about something different. But if you could get a nugget out of this podcast, think about the message that you want to get across and just ask yourself is this the right messenger, and who?

Dave:

can you find? Essentially, you didn't realize this. I've called your friends so many times and told them to plant seeds for me. I haven't, but I should. 100% will go for that in the future.

Lauren:

Yes, so back to master Frank. No, it was this old man and I didn't know who he was, but he knew my dad, so we would. That was my dad, that was our thing, even though he didn't come up with it. It was our thing and it took hold for years and we still say it. That's the funny part. I almost called our coaching program the 3D coaching program because it was something that was so impactful in my life that I know if I follow these principles and if you follow these principles and if you're listening, you follow these principles you will find success. So I do want to break them down.

Dave:

I think it's last thing and then we'll jump into it. I think it's really interesting. If it didn't have it like its own name, like if it wasn't the 3Ds, you may not have latched onto it the same, right. If you just said you need to do these three things and they were just random things, right? So there's like a unique mechanism there.

Dave:

It's honestly, the unique mechanism helps you move through it, stick to it and kind of slap it on your chest and be proud of it. In a way, it's a little bit like the things we use in the program. Right, you don't even realize it, but if you're, if you have a mantra or you have the Strong Mom method or these pieces.

Lauren:

Or behavior matrix? Yeah, if you have the behavior matrix that we use.

Dave:

All of a sudden it really digs into your brain and you get behind it.

Lauren:

Yeah, Cause I don't think of the 3Ds as it's a package deal and I know what the 3Ds together, that combustion, I know what that.

Dave:

Yeah, if it was like D, f and G, whatever the words were, you wouldn't know it.

Lauren:

You're probably right. All right, no, you're probably right. But yeah, the 3Ds, cause I, I freaking love it. My dad and I just actually messaged him too to make sure I had Frank's name right. And he right underneath it. I just said, hey, who was the? You know who was the man who came by and told us the 3Ds, and right underneath it he wrote what they were.

Dave:

Do you write his Italian last name?

Lauren:

No, started with a K. Everyone from Lawrence hometown.

Dave:

not everyone, but A lot. So many people are first or second generation Italians. So it's funny the names we always hear.

Lauren:

All right, so let's get into it. I want to share the first D. First D is dedication, and if you look in the dictionary, the thing that pops up the very first thing from Webster's dictionary is the quality of being dedicated or committed to a task or a purpose, and obviously, with softball, my main thing was being committed to softball and in, but deeper than that, being committed to being the best softball player that I could be. So dedication jump me to go through all three and then we can talk about them.

Lauren:

One by one. One by one, okay.

Dave:

So the way I I would also write these down.

Lauren:

Oh yeah.

Dave:

Honestly, they're fantastic and we use them, like Lawrence said, all across our life. So jump into the first D.

Lauren:

Yeah, so dedication. So again, it's that it's the purpose. I look at it in a very simple way. I have the definition through Google and then I have my interpretation of it and it is. It's the what like. What are you trying to accomplish here? What is your purpose? Right, what is the task quote, unquote at hand that you are trying to succeed in? Because when I look at being dedicated to something, I'm dedicated because I want to rise to that occasion of succeeding and doing a really good job. So I had to figure out my purpose and I did. I really, really wanted to be the best softball player.

Dave:

I loved playing softball and I love when you say the best softball player.

Lauren:

Yes.

Dave:

Everyone thinks, like you want to be the best, you right, but like you don't, you were better than that. Like, what right? Like I'm curious, what were you thinking about? No, that's like you were. Like I want to be good. You were one of the best softball players in the world, so was that what you were shooting for?

Lauren:

No, but that's not true, because back when I was 13 years old, back in our day, there was no internet. I had no concept of what was good or what was bad. I actually am thankful for that. My dad and I talk about that often is I had no idea. I went to my first tournament when I was 16. And when I say my first tournament, I mean my first meaningful tournament where there was actually college scouts there. And at 16 years old, my dad had to walk up to numerous coaches and say hey, see that lefty down there, you know, is she division one? Is she division two, three, juco, we had no idea. So when I say I wanted to be the best, like I just had this want and love to play the game and I thought I could be good, there was some, some vision of you know, I threw a really good one. I knew I threw hard, but there wasn't like hey, I want to be the best in the world, because I have these comparisons and I'm really close to this person.

Dave:

You didn't even know what that meant.

Dave:

No, and I do think that is a blessing If that's 100% honestly, as you say that like seeing kids now thinking about grace. They can. She's 13 and they have recruiting lists. She's 14, but close. I said she just turned 14. Rewind and check. They have full recruiting lists for volleyball, like nationally right now, and so she can see who, like the best people are, which you can say maybe great, that's something for her to gun for. But like also, it can be defeating, right. Like if you see and you hit your growth spurt later or you know whatever, and you're trying to compare yourself to the best you know, somebody that's just a complete freak athlete at a young age. It can be demotivating. So I love the fact that you were in a bubble in a bubble and again we'll get off of kid sport.

Lauren:

It's so easy to just get down that rabbit hole because that's our life right now too, but it's also. It's there 24, seven. Whereas I could go to a tournament and see a kid that was quote unquote the best kid. It's not like I was able at 16 to go see, oh wow, that kid, you know, is really good, but then I got away from it. I couldn't see that kid pitch anymore. I couldn't see what they were doing. I couldn't see lists of who was being recruited. As soon as I saw what was happening, I was able to then fully only worry about myself, versus being on the internet looking at videos and Instagram and this person has this right like that was. That was gone. So I think knowing what's out there versus having the ability to constantly focus on it is a different parents probably get as wrapped up in it as kids.

Lauren:

Yeah for sure. So dedication. So it's the purpose. If you have a purpose and I know Dave said, write this down. And I think it'd be really smart If you have a purpose in life or you don't know your purpose, try and find it. And I have a couple of questions to ask you of how do I find my purpose? And people ask us all the time, and I also don't think there's a one equation that's going to give you your purpose. I do think it's going to be trial and error, but ask yourself like, what do you care about? Right, and you can have different purposes in terms of like our purpose as a family is to create a safe space for our kids, that they want to come talk to us, that they know that, that we have their back, that we love them. No matter what, our purpose is to create structure. Are you looking at me like? Or you can add something else Are you wondering if those are our purposes?

Dave:

Oh, we need to talk about our family purpose a little more.

Lauren:

I think we do. I when I was yeah, I think we do. But I think you also could have a purpose that you know in life, like what do you bring? I know a lot of moms that we work with have certain jobs like that they consider they're calling their purpose. We have doctors and you know surgeons and people that do things for a purpose because they love.

Dave:

They love the purpose is above the career. It's essentially what do you want to contribute?

Lauren:

Yeah, world who do?

Dave:

you want to be.

Lauren:

Yes. So identify the things that you care about, right. Identify what are you good at. I could care a lot about something. If I'm not very good at it, it might alter my purpose.

Dave:

You can also find, as you talk through this, different levels of purpose, right? Like if you're setting a goal and it's a physical goal for your body, your purpose can be to be the healthiest, strongest, leanest, whatever most fit, so that you can go do something with your family. Right, you don't need to always walk around thinking overly deeply like I need to be this human being that does this for the world, like. There are different levels. Family is its own purpose. Your physical health is another purpose, right?

Lauren:

Yep, yep. So what we want to do is we want to break this down into what goal you have. You need to find a purpose within that goal. So I'm jumping around but thank you for pointing that out, because I tend to I tend to do that. I tend to jump around. So, within your goal, hey, I want to get this promotion. I want to lose weight. I want to climb this. Do this ever seeing event. I want to have more quality family time. Whatever your goal is, you need to figure out the purpose of that goal and you need to be dedicated to it.

Dave:

Pick your goal, choose your why.

Lauren:

There you go Awesome.

Dave:

It is the first domino. You can't have the other two. You need to tie into this because this is where we get into motivation, I think, where people talk about external and we talk about internal motivation. But people are typically motivated externally, which is why motivation comes and goes. It runs out, depending on the goal or how people are judging you or if you look in the mirror. Internally, you'll always be driven. You won't need external validation. Typically, that internal, intrinsic motivation can come from a purpose and having a why. You need to always tie back into that. Why?

Lauren:

Yeah, because we're all going to wane on that motivation which actually brings me into the next D. We have dedication and we have determination. Determination, if you look in the dictionary it's firmness, right, enreaching that purpose, resoluteness, and I interpret that and I always have interpreted it as grit kind of like just you're going to fall right, fall seven times, stand up eight. I look at determination as doing it anyway. It didn't work out. How can I tweak? How can I move forward? Keep moving forward, keep moving forward. And I think this is where most people and their goals, most people really struggle because they try something and fail, try something and fail, try something and quit. I look at it as you might have to fail a hundred times, but on the hundred and first you've got it.

Lauren:

And I know I'll bring it back to my pitching. As you joke, the guy probably came and gave me a speech because I was throwing the ball over the backstop. I was an absolute zoo when I was younger learning how to pitch and I threw more balls over the backstop. I threw more balls behind me, like went behind second base. If you were to actually watch me from the outside learn to pitch, you might say, oh, maybe it's not for her, but I look at that as the determination. Like that one didn't work onto the next, that didn't work onto the next, that didn't work onto the next. And when I look at when you have a goal that is going to be, I look at these as all number one things because you need each piece, but it's the number one thing. Most people just quit too early to find success in anything.

Lauren:

I see it, whether someone's trying to lose weight. It's like they're so close, but they didn't see the expected, what they had in their mind immediately and then, therefore, they get into this. Well, why am I doing all of this? Why am I exercising and working my ass off and why am I, you know, being mindful of what I eat if this is only going to move a pound and we quit before we see success? I see it in sports, with with a lot of kids. I see it in jobs. I know what it's like to be a business owner and have that like I'm done.

Lauren:

I don't know what to do, I can't do this anymore. And we've been very open and honest that we have really struggled and we would have been considered quote, unquote we didn't make it, we failed If five years ago we said this isn't working right. But here we are. So I think determination, grit, doing it anyway. That's where the motivation, like to being determined, means you do it anyway. I don't feel like doing it, but you do it anyway. I don't feel like doing a lot of things sometimes.

Dave:

I feel like this grit like you talk about determination is maybe the most important quality.

Dave:

Like as I've gotten older, I think, like I look back through life and everything can equate to sports or to work. Like there are some things that we're just naturally gifted in or come easy to us, and so I think people appreciate that in life too much and grit not enough. Right, people being able to succeed in places that aren't easy for them or to go places that aren't comfortable, right, like as we get older, if I could give one thing to the kids, it's like when you decide you want to go somewhere, grind away and take joy and find some happiness in the fact that you're able to do it. It's like practicing for sports right, they're days when practice just sucks, sucks, ass period, but you go and you get your workout in. Or you go and you train Like I always used to think, getting through those days when you're not on and you know what it's like. Like when you can put work in when you're not feeling great, you build so much, I guess self confidence, self trust.

Dave:

Yeah, yes, you use it's like you score points, you build up your bank internally and so, like I think that is such a major component of this. I respect that quality Like I. It's funny I. So I started training jujitsu and I come home and the kids are like you know how to go. I got beat up for an hour and their days when I get, I've been going one on one. I get beat up like not in a mean way, but like I'm not anyone that's done anything like that. I'm not good right, and I'm like athletic. I'm strong, I have body awareness. It's a skill I don't have right now and I go hard and it doesn't work out for me, but the kids don't always understand it. I'm proud that I get beat up and I go the next time. Every time I walk in I'm like I didn't quit yet I'm not quitting, like that mentality and I laugh about it Like I. I just feel like that's such an important piece of this puzzle.

Lauren:

Yeah, I do. I think it's one foot in front of the other. I just pictured you on the mat right now getting beat up, killed, and that's the other thing.

Dave:

Like in anything competitive, whether and people don't always like to look at it like this, but sports, business, anything you want to be good at, and there's other competing forces nothing makes me happier. It's like when I coach the boys teams. Like their teams are just better than us. They were, they played more basketball, they were bigger, stronger. I told the kids. All I want is for those kids to get in the car and ride home and tell their parents that it sucked to play. You Right. Like show up and go hard. Like leave, leave a mark. You might not win, but you're gonna keep going.

Lauren:

No, I remember you saying that a few times. I think I make. At least make them remember you right, if someone's a lot bigger, faster, stronger, dude, there's something you can do.

Dave:

Yeah, I think they were like in third grade, so they oh.

Lauren:

Determination is just keep moving forward a lot of times, and whether it's sports, whether it's your life, whether it's your health, whether it's your Relationship, you, you name any angle what happens is we put this expectation of what we think is supposed to happen, which is a story. It's not true, it's not, it's literally made up. We don't hit it. Therefore, we say, well, I must not be able to do this. It's like I imagine me learning a change up. What on, why on earth would I ever think that when I first started to do it, I have to turn my, I have to do all these different Things. Why would I think that I'd be able to get it right away? But I think we have this idealistic Brain. When it comes in it, we have this idealistic like mentality, mentality.

Lauren:

Thank you.

Dave:

That's why I'm here.

Lauren:

When it comes to okay, I'm gonna put my mind, I've got it on paper, I'm gonna do it, and then we don't reach this super high level super quickly and we lose that determination. We, if we lose that, we're not going anywhere. So again, it's just I look at it as grit. I look at it as how many times can you stand back up after you've fallen?

Dave:

I'm gonna add one thing to this.

Lauren:

I love that so I.

Dave:

One of the things that I see a lot on the interwebs is People basically saying like it do the things that make you feel good. It should be easy if it's right, it's sits well in your gut, all these type of kind of whimsical things like I, I get it, but this so, and when people practice grit and they feel grit and they hear about it, talk about it or whatever, it's not a simple thing. It can be a little bit painful, and so I think the way to Flip it rather than if you embrace and and understand and tell yourself a story that when I'm feeling shitty, that it's actually a virtue, it's actually awesome, like embracing it and feeling proud of yourself Then it flips it into a positive, like I'm struggling and I know I'm learning right now, this is where I'm supposed to be, rather than thinking like, well, I'm struggling, so this isn't right for me, right? You hear people say that all the time and it drives me crazy and Typically those aren't people with results.

Lauren:

Yeah, yeah, 100% they walk.

Dave:

They walk too fast. So if you can paint a positive picture and really but sorry, I'm cutting you off Please do this is why I love the 3ds and why I think they are as a package.

Lauren:

So I say profound, but it's because it's easy to walk if you don't have your, why it's easy to walk If you don't know what you're dedicated to.

Dave:

So why is the foundation is interesting, like if the Level one is the why, level two is the grit and the determination. If that crumbles at all, at least you can fall back and land on your why and start over. Yes, exactly.

Lauren:

That allows you to fall down and get back up going again. If you don't have a solid like, why am I doing this? I'm determined, I have a goal, but like what is really sticking me there? So I think again. It's, it's a package and for any moms that are in our strong mom program right now, the 3ds we have done, group call on it for sure, but it's just clarity create. It's all what we're doing in a different, different verbiage, right, like we always say that a lot of times you hear a similar message but maybe delivered a different way. It's just, it's foundational. You got to have your why and then you got to keep going, period, if you want any results in any life, in your life. The other D, and I think again, the third D it's the most important.

Lauren:

They all are three most important um is Desire, and I want to share so. Desire is a strong feeling of wanting to have something, a strong feeling of Wishing for something to happen. Desire the way I Interpret that is literally through a feeling, and this is the Keep saying. This is the one thing. It's another thing that people miss and we hammer this in our strong mom program. You can't just think the things I want to be good with no feelings attached to it.

Lauren:

Desire is that, that feeling, because emotions are so powerful when you are tired. If you have a burning feeling that you want something that will help bring you through. So I look at it as like what does that make you feel? Like? Associate a feeling, and you might not know the answer, so you might have to try a few feelings on. Is it proud? Is it present? Is it?

Lauren:

I don't know what it is, but I can tell you, as I was prepping for this podcast, I was thinking about the feeling that I loved when I learned these three D's and I love to win. Winning is it's a feeling, right like I love the. The proud, that's probably a good word that I would associate with that. That's a very magnetic feeling, but on the flip side, I probably hated to lose more, and that feeling of I didn't do it. That is a very, you know, very driving because I don't like the word motivating. It's a very driving factor in why did I want to keep going to practice, why did I want to keep going to this camp, why did I want this person to help me, why did I, you know, even though my arm was black and blue, my hip was black and blue and I probably had a pulled hamstring and I was like I think I can still go. It's because that feeling of I really I want to win and I do not like to lose, it was very, it was a driving factor. So you have to start asking yourself what, what is this going to make me feel? Because that if you could tie in your emotion to your actions for the purpose that you're doing, it's really hard to stop.

Lauren:

In my opinion, in my experience, and if I bring this back to me as a mom, I have the feeling that I have. When I wanted to, my goal was to get out of depression and feeling great, at least feeling like myself. I didn't know if great was possible, but just feeling like myself, that feeling of joy that when I had a moment of it. Oh my gosh, this is what this is what people are like when they wake up in the morning and they have this, you know, desire to want to do things and go give their kids hugs. I hung on to that feeling like mad, and that's what I would think about when I didn't want to go to my therapy session, when I didn't want to go and, you know, work out, it was a very, very powerful driver.

Dave:

I think it's interesting. On the flip side this is from my own experience and from talking to people with anxiety, speaking of feelings and emotions just like that can get you through the negative. The flip side of that the opposite emotion will build a brick wall in front of where you want to go.

Lauren:

Yeah, they're powerful. Emotions are powerful.

Dave:

Absolutely so. The times when I've felt stuck in the past or been worried a lot of it has been around business, but I always and I've become so aware now almost instantly that I'm just thinking about a negative outcome. I'm taking the negative emotion, I'm thinking of what it's going to feel like to fail or how bad it can be, and so recognizing when you get into those moments and flipping them into oh, I need to think of and emotionalize the best thing, exactly what I'm going for, whether it's this is what it's going to feel like when I have this physical body that I'm so proud of, that I put this work into and that I was able to be in control of, or my marriage, or what's it going to feel like when I'm leading my team at work all these different things like that. I think you said it this is the most important one.

Lauren:

They all are as a package, and it's true, I think, when we look at desire, that is in what literally the definition is something we want to happen. But we are very quick to immediately start to. You know, just chalk up all of the things that could go wrong. That's where we go first, so it's hard to move. Yeah.

Dave:

I think our brains are built that way, right.

Lauren:

They are yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Dave:

Over time our brains have been, I guess, hardwired to recognize risk and keep us safe, and so a lot of times those negative emotions and those blocks pop up and we recognize them first because we're just naturally trying to keep ourselves, preventing ourselves from failing or failing in public, specifically, where people can you know they, we think they're going to throw us out of the, out of the tribe, yeah Right. And so it takes work, but again, if you do the work and work on the positive emotion, it's game changing.

Lauren:

Yeah, but you said it perfectly. You become quickly aware. I think it's easy to spiral down. You got a goal, things aren't going the way you want to go, and then the anxiety comes in and that's not going to get you there.

Dave:

It's totally you can, if you line up, like so many of the women that we work with, right. Just for an example of how we see this go wrong. We will meet somebody that has a goal of they want to lose 20 pounds. Just for a rough example, right, and I will talk to them. Well, why? There's not a root? Because, right, and it's like I I because I weighed less before I got pregnant or there's an answer, but there's not a real why or a feeling tied to it, and it's almost like society has told them they need to lose weight. They haven't tied in and so there's no foundation. And then, once things go wrong, there's no vision or there's no desire. All of the pieces fall apart, right, and so if you can string these together, like Lauren said, it's powerful and it works.

Lauren:

It works A strong feeling of wanting to have something, the positive. That's what you want. So desire as dedication, determination, desire, put them together and when one does crumble, okay, because they will.

Dave:

We're not robots Crumbles maybe not the right word.

Lauren:

Okay, when one falters or when, when you cracks, let's start with cracks falter, not no Okay.

Dave:

Cracks. Okay, crumble is a little intense for me.

Lauren:

Okay, okay, fair, fair. Um words matter, I get that, but the other two will help bring you through. When you know why you're doing something, you'll do it, even when you don't want to. If that feeling is in a positive direction and a direction that you want to go, it will help drive you towards that purpose.

Dave:

I think honestly, writing these at down.

Lauren:

Yeah, for sure.

Dave:

For sure, not just right now, although I already offered that. I mean doing the exercise of like what, what do I want? Why am I doing this? Like why the purpose? Getting to the root of that and then working from there, I think, is the best way to approach it.

Lauren:

Yeah, yeah, go, go anyways. We have moms do this in our program is so dedication? Ask yourself, you know, what is it you care about? What is it you want? Keep asking yourself why that's a really good way to get down to a more solid purpose. So sorry, I'm going back to dedication right now.

Lauren:

If you're on dedication, just keep asking yourself why, like I want to have a great family life. Why, like, there has to be something deeper than just the first one? We always say, the deeper you go, the faster you'll grow. Right, we want you to grow, we want you to hit this goal, let's go. So keep asking yourself why I want a deeper relationship with my family. Why do you want that? Well, because I want my kids to know that they can always come to me, no matter what situation. Well, why do you? Why do you want that? Right, like, keep answering that.

Lauren:

Then the next thing determination. One thing you can do is Literally create a list of things that could block your way. You're going to fall like, you're going to have missteps, you're going to have quote-unquote, perceived failures Of. Oh I, you know. Do what I needed to do today to reach that goal. That's going to happen. It's life. So write down what could potentially get in your way and what are you going to do when that happens. You're almost pre-paving the answer key for you when you do need it, because we're going to need it and desire. I challenge every single person reading this to start to identify feelings that they they want to have in their life.

Dave:

Listening to this listening.

Lauren:

What do you?

Lauren:

mean you said reading this oh, did I, oh gosh, also listening? If you're listening to this, it starts identify different emotions, and I've been very open. You've probably said this on other podcasts that I'm just blanking on but we have a list of emotions in our, in our pantry. Do we look at it every single day and analyze it? No, but it's been there and I look at it because every single time I open it, there's just a lot of difference. There's a ton of minute, but powerful differences in the different emotions that we do have. They're not all just happy, mad, angry. They're not just those big, the big ones that we think about. So I challenge you who is listening to really ask yourself what emotions do I, do I really want to feel It'll help it really well, because most people just don't put time into things like this, right? Yeah, so that's, that's our 3ds, it's I Mean you could probably say them in other words to dedication, determination and desire the 3ds is perfect.

Dave:

It's a perfect framework for getting shit done. Yeah, that's a good done.

Lauren:

Yeah, totally, and remember that you could use them all with within their own goal. And and one thing that I've learned is it's okay for your answers to evolve over time. And asking yourself these questions On a consistent basis, and I don't necessarily mean every day, but go back and revisit. You know what is your purpose in six months? What is it? We do in our program? We do it quarterly, right, like quarterly. We have our moms go back and kind of ask themselves these questions right, their health maps, which is tying in the feelings, it's tying in what they want, their purpose. But revisit them and if and when they do change and evolve, great, because where you are now is in a different spot. So that makes sense, I think. Sometimes we think that we're supposed to have the answer key to these questions and that is it. It's written in stone, but it's gonna constantly evolve. Right, you're what your purpose of will evolve, your, what you're gonna do to reach that is going to evolve.

Dave:

Maybe the feelings that you want to to really have in your life, maybe that evolves if you apply all these, you're going to reach some of these goals, yeah, and you're gonna need to reinvent a new goal, right? So you should be reprocessing this over time, right, if you're growing.

Lauren:

Yes, yeah, no. Huge shout out to Frank and Hi dad. I don't know if my dad'll listen to this Frank on the show.

Lauren:

I'd love to bring Frank on the show. I don't know. I would love to hear where he came up with the three days. I don't know who told him that, but I had to come somewhere and it was funny. As I was thinking about this, I thought there's so many parenting books and there's so many sports books and and and. So long ago there was just so much wisdom and I'm super thankful that I was there one day pitching at Glen Marie elementary and an old man walked by and gave me that talk. It has stuck with me and I will contribute it to the successes in the areas of life that I've had successes and just makes me happy.

Dave:

All right, all right. You've said just about everything you can. Yeah, about dedication, determination and desire. If I wanted to find you online, where would I find you?

Lauren:

you can find me on Instagram, lauren regula. We have a free Facebook group called strong mom physical and physical, mental and emotional mastery, where we do things and talk about things like the 3ds to help you reach your goals Within your body, within your life, within your relationships, all of it in your career. You can find us there in that strong mom Facebook group. We have a strong mom YouTube channel where some of these clips will be the post podcast will be please like and subscribe, yeah, on YouTube and leave us a review on iTunes, on the podcast.

Dave:

We would be so stoked and thankful, honestly, yeah, it gives us a chance to get our message out and we'd be so appreciative.

Lauren:

Yeah, our goal is to. One of the things I say is, as moms we're, we are the ones that are the supporters, we are the ones that are holding up everybody else right, and you, everyone's seen those pictures of you got the your arm in the sink and you're working and you're holding the baby and you're Doing all the things and if you think this could support any mom out there, be super honored to to be able to do that. We want to. We want to help and support moms, just like you do for everybody else. So thanks for listening and we'll see you next time.