Ep #31 - Managing Menopause: Emotions vs. Physical Symptoms

Can you really control your emotions during menopause, even when the physical symptoms feel overwhelming? Join me this week as I explore the often neglected emotional aspect of menopause. I'll uncover the distinction between physical sensations and emotional responses, empowering you to manage your mindset even when you can't control your body's reactions. 

Listen to insightful examples, including a personal story and a real-life case study of a client battling perimenopausal migraines. Discover how shifting from a place of frustration to a neutral perspective can radically improve your emotional well-being. Reclaim control over your emotional health and transform your experience of menopause by changing how you think about your symptoms. Tune in and find out how to navigate this emotional rollercoaster with grace and resilience.

You can also watch this episode on YouTube with Captions - https://www.youtube.com/@TheWorkingMumsLifeCoach

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Transcript

Nicky: 1:08

Hello, welcome to this week's podcast. We are going to talk all about the joyous menopause, so when I say menopause, I'm just going to use one word to describe perimenopause the point of menopause, and then postmenopause and all the symptoms in between, and all the symptoms in between. What I'm not going to do is talk about the medical side of the menopause. I don't know about the medical side of the menopause, I am not a medical expert at all, and there is a whole ton of resources out in the world that can help you with your out in the world that can help you with your menopausal journey. What I am going to talk about, though, is the emotions around your menopausal symptoms, if you're experiencing them. Now, let me just clarify there is a difference between a physical sensation and an emotional sensation, so we experience both in our bodies, for example, a headache, maybe a hot flush, a hot flush this is a physical sensation, even brain fog. It's a physical symptom. It's happening in the body, and that sensation sends a message to the brain, or maybe not, if it's a brain fog, that's the little bit of a gray area, but generally, a physical symptom is happening in the body and goes up to the brain. An emotional sensation, the feeling that we have like frustration, annoyance, joy, elation, excitement, love, hate. They are emotional sensations. They are caused by the brain, by thoughts we have in the brain and that go down to the body. So there is a difference between a physical sensation and an emotional sensation. And even if you're not in your menopausal years, this can apply to any condition or any physical sensation that you experience. So, for example, well, I'll stick to menopausal, but you can. You can put anything, uh, any of your symptoms as a circumstance that is happening to you. Well, so we don't have control, you don't have control over your physical symptoms of menopause. I'm just going to say this again with so much love and so much compassion you have no control over your menopausal symptoms. I really wish you did, but you don't. That's not to say you can't influence them, but when you're so focused on trying to control and change the circumstance of your menopausal symptoms, you are fundamentally missing the opportunity to control the only thing you can control, which is you and how you think about them and how you feel about your symptoms. So there's the physical symptom, the hot flush, the migraine, the brain fog, the irritability, the low feeling, whatever it is for you that we add on top of that the frustration, the annoyance that we add on top of that by how we talk about our menopausal symptoms. And that's the bit that I'm focusing on today. That's the bit that you get to control. Just because you can't control your physical symptoms doesn't mean to say you can't control your emotional symptoms. So let me I'm going to give you a couple of examples.

Nicky: 5:57

I'm going to give you an example of my experience and a client that I was talking to about this recently. So let me talk about my client first of all. She has been suffering with migraines every month for the last 18 months since her perimenopausal symptoms started. She has had a migraine To the point where at times, she's had to take the day off work. So her physical symptom was a migraine.

Nicky: 6:35

What she then added on top of that was this whole layer of frustration, because she was thinking it's relentless, it's relentless, it's relentless, and because she was thinking it's relentless and when we dug deeper, I can't control it, she had so much frustration. She was experiencing frustration and annoyance and stress. And that's the layer that's optional, because when you look at relentless, if you're thinking something's relentless and you you have no control over it, of course you're gonna feel rubbish emotionally, you're gonna feel really shit. And the thing you can't control your menopausal symptoms. You have no control over them. But that doesn't mean to say you can't control how you think about it.

Nicky: 7:26

And so, when we talked about it further, I said to her well, what if you just labeled this as a menopausal symptom and went to complete neutral? Because what she was saying was well, I shouldn't, do you expect me to feel positive about this? I don't want to feel joyous and happy about having a migraine. And I was like, no, of course you don't. That the the um, the task of mind management is not to always jump to a positive, but you can step to a neutral. So just label it I'm experiencing a menopausal symptom.

Nicky: 7:59

The rest of the drama where your brain goes to, I'm not being productive at work, I can't do my job properly, I'm not good enough. All of that is the optional part, because in those days she is actually doing the best she can with the circumstance of the migraine that she's dealing with, of the migraine that she's dealing with, and when we, when we realize that, oh, she's so busy trying to control and change her, her menopausal symptoms, that she's missing the opportunity to change and control herself and how she thinks and feels about her symptoms. Which made sense because she was then like, well, yeah, because in the past, you know, if I've not liked my job, I've changed my job. If I've not liked my partner, I've changed my partner, like she was a very proactive person in her life. She was generally like, right, if this isn't working for me, let's change it, which is fine. But if you're always changing the situation, you're never actually changing yourself. And so at a point when you can't change the situation and a medical hormonal response is out of your control, then you feel helpless. But when you take full responsibility of the fact that, from the emotional perspective, how I experience this symptom is optional, I get to control that. Now you're powerful.

Nicky: 9:31

So she was just able to step towards just the neutral fact of I'm experiencing a menopausal symptom, neutral. There's no frustration added. Now you can influence your symptoms, as in you can go and talk to your doctor, you can explore HRT, you can eat healthier, you can reduce your alcohol intake, you can, you know, practice, meditation, yoga, kindness all of that you can influence. But ultimately you have no control. So I'm not saying you don't then just sit back and let it all happen. Of course you can be proactive. Of course you can, saying you don't then just sit back and let it all happen. Of course you can be proactive, of course you can. But you don't have to be proactive from frustration. You can be proactive from compassion or just even neutral, experiencing right now actually and if you're watching me on YouTube you will notice I've been scratching a little bit is that?

Nicky: 10:37

I have noticed that since I started, in the last sort of couple of years, my allergies have, I seem, to be more sensitive. My allergies seem to have been heightened, and I don't have any proof that that's related to my menopause. But I was just curious. Oh, I wonder if, if it might be, my body is fundamentally changing, it would make sense that my allergies changed a little bit. And so this weekend, um, I had a uh, quite um, uh, an extreme external reaction to something. We're not really sure what. We think it was the weeds in the garden, but we're not really sure what. But I've had a rash all over my body. It's gone down now, thankfully, but I still got blotches and I'm still quite itchy. Now that's my circumstance.

Nicky: 11:33

I am physically uncomfortable with scratching and itching. What I've been very careful not to add on top of that is the frustration and the annoyance and the this shouldn't be happening. So when I've been kept up all night because I haven't been able to sleep because of the tight, itchy discomfort and then I'm physically tired, what I haven't done is added the emotional layer on top the emotional shit on top. I've just labeled I'm having an allergic reaction. Do I take myself to the hospital? Yes, do I then talk to the doctor? Yes, do I follow it up with medication? Absolutely, I don't just sit back. But I don't add that layer of annoyance and frustration on top. That's the optional part. Frustration on top, that's the optional part. So at a point when you can't control the physical, you can always control the emotional.

Nicky: 12:40

So my tip to you, whenever you're experiencing a menopausal symptom, is going back to my ABC method. You have to acknowledge it, my ABC method. You have to acknowledge it. Acknowledge it with compassion. This is you evolving to your higher wisdom. This is your body changing and evolving into the wise, powerful women with experience. That's an incredible evolution. Experience that's an incredible evolution. So have compassion for your body. Your body is currently going through the change, similar to a teenager, like the change in our hormones. Is that fundamental? We can have compassion, you can influence by looking after yourself and seeking help if you want to, but what you get to control is your mind and your emotions.

Nicky: 13:39

So acknowledge your symptom I'm having a migraine, I'm experiencing brain fog, I'm having a hot flush Isn't that fascinating? And also acknowledge your thinking, where your brain goes to. This shouldn't be happening. This is terrible. This is awful. This is relentless. Just acknowledge all of that for a second and then breathe. Especially if you're having a hot flush, you don't need to add heated emotions onto a physically hot body. That's optional. You can just breathe. Just take some really nice deep breaths, even if you're in a meeting at work. Just excuse me, I'm just having a hot flush for a moment. It's a menopausal symptom. Please just give me a couple of seconds. Who gives a shit if they judge you for it? So fucking what? Don't add the embarrassment and the judgment on top of yourself. Just acknowledge it, breathe and then redirect your brain.

Nicky: 14:46

Choose abc. Acknowledge, breathe, choose, redirect your brain. Choose A, b, c. Acknowledge, breathe, choose, redirect your brain. There's no point arguing with the shoulding. This shouldn't be happening. This is terrible, this is relentless. It is happening. It isn't terrible and it is going to continue to happen until a point when your body has changed, and maybe even beyond for some people.

Nicky: 15:09

So if it's going to be continuing for the rest of your life, what relationship do you want to have with it? Because you can continue being frustrated if you want to, but that's going to feel shit, or you can just take yourself to neutral. You can just choose kindness and compassion and just state the facts. I'm having a hot flush, I'm having an exaggerated allergic reaction, I'm experiencing a migraine Okay, I've just got brain fog for a second. So we're not jumping to positive. I'm not saying you should be joyous about your menopausal symptoms, but you also don't have to feel frustrated. They're just neutral facts. This is just something that your glorious body is evolving through. The judgment, the criticism, the shaming, the embarrassment they are all the optional parts. I really hope this helps you and if you want to have a chat with me further about it, please don't hesitate to get in touch. Have the most amazing week and I'll speak to you again next week. Bye.